Angry Wife :(

[deckard97f]

Hi there,

I think we have all experienced Tampo of some sort of other.

My wife currently has a serious mood on her.

She and my daughter arrived last Tuesday and we have a great time since their arrival.

However within the last couple of days she has been sleeping really excessively, now i know, i'm probably being unreasonable here as she is still trying to adjust, although i would have thought jet lag would have subsided by now.

I am not a sexist barsteward, infact i enjoy cooking etc and as i am on leave i have been helping out, we are a partnership afterall.

This morning my wife asked me to cook breakkie no worries, the dishes sat all day and she never made an attempt to do them.

Afternoon came we had lunch ( we made our own as where eating different things) the dishes piled up.

Are you gonna cook dinner my love she said, yes i said but would like to clear those dishes before i begin.
Well she flipped :yikes: i'm not your slave etc etc, i have been cleaning since i got here, cant i have a lazy day.
I repleid in kind with all you have done is sleep since you hot here.
She now doesnt want to look at me and is cleaning every nook and crannie to prove a point to me i think :NoNo:

Sorry 2 air my laundry, but dont really know how to play this as when i go near me she has a fit

Help

Deck

[Tish]

:icon_lol:

Wrong time of the month probably :doh

[deckard97f]

I wish it was. but nope

[KeithD]

You'll get that for the first few months while you both adjust....just wave a dried fish infront of her....she'll melt in your hands :rolleyes:

[deckard97f]

I was thinking of doing a chicken balti :)

When i asked her if she was hungry she told me to go away :)

[KeithD]

When i asked her if she was hungry she told me to go away :)
That means she's hungry :NoNo: Cook it :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[deckard97f]

Well its on and within 2mins she came to have a look :xxgrinning--00xx3:

She didn't say anything though........to be continued

Deck

[aposhark]

Help
Deck

Try to do something to make her laugh.
If she doesn't laugh, lay low for a while and ride it out :rolleyes:

[aromulus]

Well its on and within 2mins she came to have a look :xxgrinning--00xx3:

She didn't say anything though........to be continued

Deck

Quickest way to a Pinay's heart is a steaming bowl of rice and fish or a Gucci/Benetton/Vuitton handbag.....:D

[deckard97f]

Well she has benn encamped in the living room all night away from me.

I am in the computer room and what she doesn't realise is that i could stay here for days coz i am a saddo:Cuckoo:

Anyway i plated up and brought it into her, dont know how she knew i was coming but we passed in the corridor i said "here's some dinner if you want it, if not dont eat it"
She casually glanced at it and went to bed...................oh bugger.

Its still in the living room waiting for her :bigcry:

[benb]

Hi there,

I think we have all experienced Tampo of some sort of other.

My wife currently has a serious mood on her.

She and my daughter arrived last Tuesday and we have a great time since their arrival.

However within the last couple of days she has been sleeping really excessively, now i know, i'm probably being unreasonable here as she is still trying to adjust, although i would have thought jet lag would have subsided by now.

Deck

Hi Deck, she is probably in deep thought and missing her family. It may take 2 weeks for some to get over jet lag.

How old is your daughter and wife?

If she does not want to talk, write down your thoughts and give it to her to read. This works for some people.

Cheers

[deckard97f]

My Daughter is 3 and my wife is 34

[Ana_may365]

hmmm,i think shes expecting again????? :D :don :appl:

[deckard97f]

Why do you say that ?

[deckard97f]

Ah well i'm still getting the same treatment, guess i'll just have to ride it out

Deck

[LadyJ]

Lazy? moody? she might be pregnant?

[benb]

My Daughter is 3 and my wife is 34


Perhaps, early mid life crisis? "Mid life crises last about 3-10 years in men and 2-5 years in women", according to wikipedia. :D


Cheers

[Geraldine]

Oh dear..I wonder whats wrong with her for treating you like that? Was she like that before? ...now you are living together you will discover lots of things, good and bad unfortunately.

Give her time to adjust 1-2 months maybe, she might be just homesick, bored and of course no friends to talk or take her out somewhere. She might be doing that 'tampo' but it doesnt really work with some men, like my husband i used to make 'tampo' and it will last for days that i dont talk to him. Then i realized that he hasn't got a clue that im in a 'tampo mode' :icon_lol: the lesson...communication! If something bothers both of you, talk about it before it gets really serious.

With house chores, I suggest you both do your share. Talk to her that you can not do everything, specially if you are working. Its hard at first and I hope you both will sort it out.

[keithAngel]

Sounds like you need a hobby or two and you could get out with your Daughter for a bit and treat it as posative space

[Ana_may365]

deckard97f,im just telling u my opinion,coz there's some woman act like that if she's expecting,if its true im just want to congratulate u in advance,:):):):appl:

[alicat]

Lazy? moody? she might be pregnant?

oh!well,im always like that but im not pregnant..
im confused as well,i hate myself sometimes...
my husband got used to it now...:D

[joebloggs]

more like depression, that's what a week in the uk does to you :NoNo:

my stepson lasted a couple of weeks b4 he begged us to send him back to the phils :bigcry:, we kept him here for 18 months :D


many reasons, like some have said preggy, boredom, missing family, etc

your lucky i don't have a computer room :doh

[Piamed]

Hi there,

I think we have all experienced Tampo of some sort of other.

My wife currently has a serious mood on her.

She and my daughter arrived last Tuesday and we have a great time since their arrival.

However within the last couple of days she has been sleeping really excessively, now i know, i'm probably being unreasonable here as she is still trying to adjust, although i would have thought jet lag would have subsided by now.

I am not a sexist barsteward, infact i enjoy cooking etc and as i am on leave i have been helping out, we are a partnership afterall.

This morning my wife asked me to cook breakkie no worries, the dishes sat all day and she never made an attempt to do them.

Well she flipped :yikes: i'm not your slave etc etc, i have been cleaning since i got here, cant i have a lazy day.
I repleid in kind with all you have done is sleep since you hot here.
She now doesnt want to look at me and is cleaning every nook and crannie to prove a point to me i think :NoNo:

Sorry 2 air my laundry, but dont really know how to play this as when i go near me she has a fit

Help

Deck
Hey Deck, it does seem unusual that she is displaying no interest in tidying. he could be tired but i think most would have made an effort, even if you insist that she rests instead. Could be pregnant but i think fatigue is more likely rather than laziness.


Well she has benn encamped in the living room all night away from me.

I am in the computer room and what she doesn't realise is that i could stay here for days coz i am a saddo:Cuckoo:

Anyway i plated up and brought it into her, dont know how she knew i was coming but we passed in the corridor i said "here's some dinner if you want it, if not dont eat it"
She casually glanced at it and went to bed...................oh bugger.

Its still in the living room waiting for her :bigcry:Seems that you might have been a bit kurt with her. Not necessarily unreasonably but she could be seeking your attention, and a show of care perhaps.


She might be doing that 'tampo' but it doesnt really work with some men, like my husband i used to make 'tampo' and it will last for days that i dont talk to him. Then i realized that he hasn't got a clue that im in a 'tampo mode' :icon_lol: That's funny! :D

[deckard97f]

Well we are talking again :)

She has told me she is really bored and has nobody to talk to.

I ahve told her to read a book go on the net whatch Tv watch a movie i have loads of DVD's play a computer game.

She doesn't want to do any of these things she wants a friend to talk to.

What do filipinos wives do to pass the time?

Deck

[scott&ligaya]

They need to have "tong tong" as often as possible ie talking/gossiping to other filipinas just to be happy. I will try to explain it like this. When we go home to my honeys farm we have to walk the last 1/2 mile. It should take 10/15 mins but usually takes over an hour as she has to stop and catch up with several months goings on with every house we pass, if only they could just pass each other a memory stick for uploads/downloads:cwm12::cwm12:. How bad does it get? another example we meet up with her sister in Hong Kong where we used to live after a short trip away and they talk for 2 hours. We take the ferry home to our place (total time gap less than 1 hour) and she then spends a further 1 hour on the phone..... I mean what new could happen in one hour:doh:doh:doh. My wife is at home with our baby and most of the filipinas we have met are working nurses either on days or night shift so are not available for chatting during the day so even with a new baby to look after she gets bored. She is now going to a mother and baby group one afternoon and to mums/baby swim session on another to break up the week.

This boredom is not easy to solve and I suggest if she is church goer try to find a locsl church for her as she may well meet other filipinas there.


Good luck to both of you and I hope she settles. My ligaya still misses her friends a lot

[KeithD]

You could start by putting her on the forum :doh

Many on here talk on the phone, chat rooms, etc

[IainBusby]

Well we are talking again :)

She has told me she is really bored and has nobody to talk to.

I ahve told her to read a book go on the net whatch Tv watch a movie i have loads of DVD's play a computer game.

She doesn't want to do any of these things she wants a friend to talk to.

What do filipinos wives do to pass the time?

Deck

I don't think that Filipina's can get by and be happy in the UK for long if they don't have contact with other Filipina's. I think you should try to help her to make contact with other Filipina's she can chat to, either on Yahoo or on the phone and I don't think you'll find a better place to do that than on this forum. Is she a member of this forum btw? If not I think you'de be wise to get her registered.

I've got to say I can hardly remember the last time a day went by in our house when I didn't hear my wife jabbering away in Bisaya to one Filipina or other, or chatting online with Filipina freinds and I don't think she could get by without this daily catch up.

Iain.

[ginapeterb]

Your wife's current attitude is only to be expected, every Filipina who comes to UK tends to handle it differently, sometimes they are fine and busy busy busy tidying the house, cleaning up, some take alot of pride in it.

Sometimes when they come to UK, its a big adjustment, the main complaint of most Filipinas who come here, is the stark contrast of social networking between the Philippines and the UK.

That is quite hard on them, lack of some other Pinays to talk to is quite a shock to their system, and before they come, they paint themselves a picture of what like will be like, when they get here, there perception changes.

Because then they start to see how UK life is ? and where you are, is probably a good representation of life, we will all tell you, as my wife is nodding in approval here, that this phase will in time pass away, it has been known to take up to 2 years, and don't laugh about this, I have personal anecdotes given to me, stating just as much, that some pinays take months to settle into the life in the UK.

One lady told me, she was fed up continuously for up to 2 years, and after that, she managed to settle, but the first months were the worst, there are some pinay's who come here and settle within weeks, and in some cases more extreme, only a few days, like they have been here all their lives.

Sometimes being loving, helping with providing them with things to think of home, and also if funds allow, arranging a return trip within 3-6 months can also help, this gives your wife or partner an out, if they feel they need to go home for a holiday, all of these measures such as providing them with the Filipino channel, encouraging them to have Filipino friends if you can find them, will help in some way.

But none of the above are substitutes for them to face the challenge themselves of living life married to a foreigner in their own country, this challenge can only truly be mastered by facing up to the decision they have made.

So many British guys bring girls to the UK and expect that from day 1 after installing her (that is the Filipina wife) in their house, showing them the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom, and the lounge, where tesco's is, the library, the town hall, the shopping mall, and uncle tom cobley and all, they then proceed to think that life is going to be paradise every day from then on. - not so !

The fact is, the courship phase that the both went through between UK and Philippines is a small blip on the road to a successful marriage, the other problem of course, is that actually although you might have stayed together in a Filipino hotel for a few days once or twice during the courtship, the simple truth dawns on you, that actually, you really don't know this person, the chances are, (but not always) you have never seen her moody, the chances are, everything was peach fuss, and she was the ultimate babae , and never complained, said Tsup to you, everytime you asked her a question, and cleaned around you everytime you put your clothes down on the bed - this is not the real life.

Like the phrase " A dog is for life not just for christmas" so it also goes without saying, that a marriage to a foreigner is for life, and not just for the good times, like shopping at weekends and receiving a new designer bag, or a piece of nice jewelry.

The one thing that is missing when pinay's come to the UK, is there Barkada of friends, this is a big loss, almost like the death of a relative, they do feel it pretty bad, and can become very moody, the pattern of behaviour such as appearing to be lazy, sleeping all the time, is really a cover up for how they feel.

They feel dis-enfranchised, and they often blame you for this, although not intentionally, they feel the foreigner is the cause of their separation from friends and family, lets face it, how many hundreds of bright smiling faces do you see every night when you get home from work hanging out on the street corner, chances are, everyone is in their house, no one is outside chatting, there is no busy tricylces, jeepneys and gas guzzling buses heading down the street at a frantic pace.

There are no people hanging around the fish market, no one is buying snacks and drinks from the sari sari over the road, and there are no vendors on the street outside selling Manok or Lechon, there is no one coming around selling anything, the weather is often freezing cold, and the sky outside looks mirky and grey.

All of this and a sense of isolation, coupled with jetlag, and having to suddenly wash teh dishes in a strange house, and clean while the one person with whom they have barely known or lived with in a close proximity, is out to work for most of the day, its little wonder then, that there she is, climbing up the curtain pelmet, staring through the window, looking outside at no one, watching the clock, and breathing a sigh of relief when you suddenly bounce down the garden path like everything went on like this for the last 10 years.

Bringing a Filipina wife to the UK might start off with what we call the ~Honeymoon period~ but remember, there is still alot of cricket to be played

Time is the key, and you need lots of it, patience and love for the Filipina wife, will shine through eventually, and when she looks back, it will be a blip in your lifetime.

Spare a little thought for your new girl, after all, she has given up everything to come and be your wife.....just be understanding...best wishes.

[5olidsnake]

What do filipinos wives do to pass the time?

karaoke with friends, buy a magic sing

[joebloggs]

send her out to work, like i did with the misses :xxgrinning--00xx3:

my misses is tooo tired to have a Tampo :D, kids wear her down when she's home, she has to goto bed early, and i can do what i want

:REDancedancer08::xxparty-smiley-050::UpYurs::333:

[aposhark]

Your wife's current attitude is only to be expected.....

The above article that began with the quote above was a fine understanding of how some Filipinas may feel.
Commendable comments indeed :xxgrinning--00xx3:
First class my man :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[aromulus]

The above article that began with the quote above was a fine understanding of how some Filipinas may feel.
Commendable comments indeed :xxgrinning--00xx3:
First class my man :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Your turn will come.......:icon_lol:

[5olidsnake]

Your turn will come.......:icon_lol:

true:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[chris40]

that was an interesting informed post from ginapeterb.
i now feel a little selfish for wanting my fiance to come here.
having said that theres a lot of good advice on offer here.
and i will bear it in mind when my fiance gets here ( i live in hope)
i think that pandering to the wifes tampo and swallowing pride,
job of some sort and familiarity seems to be the key.

[aposhark]

Your turn will come.......:icon_lol:

If it wasn't for the fact that your instincts have been proved right quite a few times on this forum already Dom, I would laugh it off.
With this in mind, your comment makes me worried...:cwm24::Cuckoo::Cuckoo:

I just hope I will be able to act the goat if she gets upset.
I always feel that making oneself a complete and utter fool in times of crisis can often crack a smile and defuse a potential catastrophe :icon_lol::icon_lol:

[deckard97f]

Yeah we are ok i think.

But she still sleeps a lot, i come home from work we have dinner and then she goes to bed.

I guess it's too early.......lets see how it goes.

Thanks for you advice Pete

Deck

[ginapeterb]

Thank you for those who read my post, Filipina's often go through phases of tampo, surprise surprise, the tampo is often a cover up for mild displeasure, and there is always a smart way to handle it.

No matter what they do, or what they say, my advice is to move away from her, go into another room, just leave them, no matter how tempted you are to interfere, by cajoling them, don't !,

They need space, just leave them and go off and do something else, very often the tampo, will subside over time, time is the key, whatever happens, you tell them you love them, you tell them, Bow Bow baby, you do everything you can to remain calm, eventually an amazing transformation takes place.

They actually feel guilty, and then they realize, they have been bitchy, and selfish, and they start to internalize you in their own feelings.

Remember, Filipino culture is one of internalization of ones feelings, they will not always be comfortable with confrontation, so internalizing you within their own feelings often makes them feel guilty.

In time, you are making up, and everyone is back in love, and both of you are a winner, as I said, don't be over critical, and don't try to immediately jump in and ask them.

So What is the problem ?

So lets fix the problem, its option 1 option 2 or Option 3

Not just the Filipina, but all women both western and eastern don't paticularly want ready made solutions to their tampo, often its a call for help, a request to be listened to, and the root cause is nothing more, than a feeling of mild neglect, or a failure to understand their emotional state.

How many times have guys heard this....Love is the answer and you know that for sure.

[KeithD]

My missus never gets angry, she just goes off and polishes her machete :cwm24:

[deckard97f]

She's settling in but is extemely bored during the day now while i'm at work.

Dont really know what to do

Oh:ARsurrender:

Deck

[Mrs Daddy]

She's settling in but is extemely bored during the day now while i'm at work.

Dont really know what to do

Oh:ARsurrender:

Deck

my opinion is why not enroll her for a short course:Erm:that maybe will help her a lil bit:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[subseastu]

Buy a dog. My missus used to give me no end of grief (especially at "that" time of month) not helped by the fact I work away as well. Got her a dog, we moved house so she's nearer shops (a bit extreme I know) and got her on this agnus catus natural tablets to balance out the hormones. 2 years later and things are better.

Also the wife has never made any friends here. We live in a small market town and she doesn't drive (hence moving house closer to shops). I know its hard for her but she does her best, she's a bit of a home body anyway.

I think you need to find something to occupy her time.

[maria_and_matt]

Buy a dog. My missus used to give me no end of grief (especially at "that" time of month) not helped by the fact I work away as well. Got her a dog, we moved house so she's nearer shops (a bit extreme I know) and got her on this agnus catus natural tablets to balance out the hormones. 2 years later and things are better.

Also the wife has never made any friends here. We live in a small market town and she doesn't drive (hence moving house closer to shops). I know its hard for her but she does her best, she's a bit of a home body anyway.

I think you need to find something to occupy her time.

i agree, when my husband bought me a dog, i really dont care where he is anymore:icon_lol: i am now super busy walking my dog and i have tons of friends now, mostly brits that are dog lover :cwm12:

[scott&ligaya]

Where are you located?, there may be one of the gang on here near by

[subseastu]

We are in Ashby de la Zouch, Leicestershire. The centre of the known universe with the worst public transport network!!

[IanB]

Try to get out more! Teach her how to use public transport so that she is free to get out on her own when she wants to. Go for a walk or a drive. Find the nearest filipino shop and hang around for a while.

Hanging around at home in a strange country bringing up a child can be like a prison sentence.

[scott&ligaya]

Wow, Ashby is a bit off the beaten track, there is a good community in Coventry which have regular get togethers, not sure about Leiceter or Nottingham and there is a big gang here in Birmingham. Sorry I cannot help more. if you want to pop down to Birmingham one weekend just let me know in advance and we will meet up and let the wives natter

Scott

I hope things get better for you and your family:cwm12::cwm12:

[deckard97f]

Thanks Guys.

We are based in Croydon.

What course did you enroll in.

Can't have a dog as we live in a flat above a pub, cant; ahve a cat as i hate them :yikes:

Deck

[KeithD]

Can't have a dog as we live in a flat above a pub, cant; ahve a cat as i hate them :yikes:

Deck
Buy a snake....if she gets bored of it she can cook it :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Jay&Zobel]

Sometimes when they come to UK, its a big adjustment, the main complaint of most Filipinas who come here, is the stark contrast of social networking between the Philippines and the UK.

Time is the key, and you need lots of it, patience and love for the Filipina wife, will shine through eventually, and when she looks back, it will be a blip in your lifetime.

.

VERY WELL SAID PETE!


You don’t have to worry too much. As what others have said, she is just missing everything in the Philippines. It is but natural. Just be patient and continue what you are doing: as a loving and very understanding husband.
Why not try short weekend breaks, bring her to nice countrysides/beaches/zoos if she is a nature lover, or visit London (and the likes) if she likes architecture, museums, and other historical places, watch Lion King too.

Feed her eyes - show Britain!:omg:

Eat traditional English breakfasts, a trip to your fave fish n chips - eat Britain! :Rasp:

Do these gradually, she will learn to love UK in time.

Do some of these things while the sun is still here, because during winter season, it can be very depressing, dull and very cold :angry:for a new comer.

Cheers!

[lizaphil]

send her out to work, like i did with the misses :xxgrinning--00xx3:

my misses is tooo tired to have a Tampo :D, kids wear her down when she's home, she has to goto bed early, and i can do what i want

:REDancedancer08::xxparty-smiley-050::UpYurs::333:

yes you right joe
i am knock down after my work home and bed 1hours bed then i dont have time
to have tampo,because i have rest,hehehe

yes you try to put in reading here on Filipino forum she ganna be enjoy
like we did

[joebloggs]

yes you right joe
i am knock down after my work home and bed 1hours bed then i dont have time
to have tampo,because i have rest,hehehe

yes you try to put in reading here on Filipino forum she ganna be enjoy
like we did

wife has no time for this forum, too busy :D

i would be :Cuckoo::cwm3::bigcry: if she knew about it :Help1:

[cruisingkerry]

Poor woman I say!

She's only been here less than a week and you're expecting her to behave like her whole world hasn't changed dramatically!

In my womans opinion you need to give her a big break! She's likely feeling lonely (yes, even though she has you and her daughter!) and like a fish out of water.

I can tell you that in the 3 weeks I was in Phils visiting Bert I had to be treated pretty much like a child, and if I went there to live I'm sure I would need that kind of treatment for a lot longer than that.

I totally agree with what Pete has said above.

Give it time, love and patience and I'm sure it'll all work out

K xx

[cheesewiz]

sometimes we filipinos should realize that we don't need to find filipinos in another country just to ease our boredom there's so many things to look forward, to enjoy life and to try different things. I am not saying not make friends with filipinos but my point is we don't go to abroad just find filipinos we're here to work or to be with your loveones then the rest will follow

[Mrs.JMajor]

yes you try to put in reading here on Filipino forum she ganna be enjoy
like we did

True :xxgrinning--00xx3: i keep telling to my hubby that yarmouth is like a zombie place,but if i feel bored i just log on to the forum keep reading..just try and we will welcome her here,where she lived in PI? :)

[PeterB]

Yarmouth? Oh dear .. you have my sympathies!

[subseastu]

Scott

THanks for the offer. It has been a bit of a pain regarding where we live but I have an a aversion to city living - I is a country boy, likes my fields and trees. Still you pays your money and takes your chance.

[deckard97f]

Thanks guys for all your suggestions.

Unfortunately angry wife has got worse.

Her period is now over a week late:yikes:

Last night while playing with my daughter, she fell and banged her head, she was ok but my wife came in and blasted me threw her wedding ring at me and has not spoken to me since.
Apart from telling me that she will be leaving.

I had asked her to join the forum but she is not interested.

On and on we go.................i'm not gonna give up on her........i love her too much for that.

TBC

Deck

[aromulus]

Thanks guys for all your suggestions.

Unfortunately angry wife has got worse.
Apart from telling me that she will be leaving.
TBC
Deck

Ok.

Two can play that game....:rolleyes:

Just mention that You are sick and tired of the attitude, remind her of the wedding wows and if she suffers from selective memory you can call her bluff, tell her that, although you love her and will miss her terribly, you don't mind for her to go back to the Philippines, where she will feel happier, but your daughter stays with you in the UK.:omg:

I think I might have made some enemies with this post....:Erm:

[deckard97f]

I have just sent something like that to her via text.

Lets wait for the fireworks :icon_lol:

Deck

[maria_and_matt]

been reading this thread and wondering how things are after the text :Erm:, i remember when i first got here i missed my family in PI a lot but i didnt take it out on my hubby then... she should look to you for support and not see u as an enemy:cwm34:

[amyburple]

Well we are talking again :)

She has told me she is really bored and has nobody to talk to.

I ahve told her to read a book go on the net whatch Tv watch a movie i have loads of DVD's play a computer game.

She doesn't want to do any of these things she wants a friend to talk to.

What do filipinos wives do to pass the time?

Deck


GOOD thing that you talked again hehehe... I hope i will not get bored if I'm there too soon hehehehe... It's OK FORUM is here... :Hellooo::Hellooo::Hellooo:

[scott&ligaya]

I think we all made suggestions already but to summarise

church if she is church goer the catholic churh willalmost certainly have filipinas as do other churches

mothers/toddlers groups

register her at you doctors, they will suggest other mother/child groups

Your local general hospital will have filipino nurses(some male ones who have wives/families here) as the female ones work so hard your wife will not have much chance to met with them.

I will contact a work colleague here who is the boss of the filipino association here in Bham, he may have contacts of groups in other towns


Find your nearest large asian food store and visit on a Saturday(threads here on that subject)


Post here again in the introduce yourself forum and explain that you are in Croydon and looking for female company for your wife


Go to your nearest large mall, visit the foodcourt and nearly always there will be at least one fiipina either on one of the service counters or just taking a break from her shopping!!!!



Your wife really needs to take a little bit of initiative and just wander down to your local shop, if she has a smile anything like my asawa's then she will easily get talking and making friends

keep supporting her, as many have said it is a huge change for her but as Dom has also advised occasionally you may need to just stand up for yourself and remind her that she CHOSE you and CHOSE to come to the UK

GOOD LUCK

[eljean]

It is more shocked for us to discover whats the real UK is compare to what you can hear from stories in tv's.

Philippines is overpopulated,busy streets crowded and sunny and very hot weather most people does is tsismis...:icon_lol:even at work. I like it in here in UK except for the weather...:NoNo:but its not just me moaning about it...britons says the same they were born and grown in england but they were never get use to there own weather...thats why they always go on for holiday somewhere sunnier:

Your wife is having a culture,weather shocked at the moment or maybe it was not exactly what she is expecting whatever she expect for in here...but sooner or later she will be able to cope up around but it will be a lot easier for her if you help her embrace it by talking anything that has something to do with UK...:D

[deckard97f]

Well as i am currently at work i can't speak to her.

I have had no response from my texts.

I have also tried to call her, she wont pick up.

She has either left me or i'm in for more of the cold shoulder tonight

Deck

[eljean]

Well looks like she has really something going on her chest it means that there must be something big going on her mind and makes her like that...or maybe that you have done or said something that you don't know at all you know us guys we always think you guys are mind readers:D and we always does it on our own way like being moody its a way of us telling that youve done something bad that you have to be sorry for:rolleyes:you have to talk to her...seriously or dont wait for her to talk to you coz you could wait forever:icon_lol:jk ask her straight away...if theres anything that you have done wrong?or is ask her is shes not feeling well...maybe she's not feeling well. we women always wanted to have a man that is needed not to be told everytime what we wanted but instead we wanted someone that is sensitive enough to know about women....but boys will always be boys:NoNo:anyway try your hardest i bet she will talk to you just pick up the best line to start it...goodluck! and also if she is delayed better get a pregnancy test kit...maybe it could be high hormones sleep a lot, she once fainted mood swings...:d

[aromulus]

Well as i am currently at work i can't speak to her.

I have had no response from my texts.

I have also tried to call her, she wont pick up.

She has either left me or i'm in for more of the cold shoulder tonight

Deck

Saving you having to go out later, why don't you stop at the chippy on the way home...???:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Just in case she ain't there....:doh

[Mrs Daddy]

Well as i am currently at work i can't speak to her.

I have had no response from my texts.

I have also tried to call her, she wont pick up.

She has either left me or i'm in for more of the cold shoulder tonight

Deck

I could remember me and my hubby saying that if ever we have mis understanding we better sort it out before going to bed so that we have to wake up next morning fresh and happy wappy and I have to tell you same thing.I think you have to set down with your wife and ask her whats wrong and whats the problem so that you could sort it out.so that it will not gonna be sorry for both of you at the end.:bigcry:

[Mrs Daddy]

Thanks Guys.

We are based in Croydon.

What course did you enroll in.

Can't have a dog as we live in a flat above a pub, cant; ahve a cat as i hate them :yikes:

Deck

I have enrolled myself on an english course so that it will keep me occupy by winter comes as its depresses me:doh:bigcry:

[aposhark]

send her out to work, like i did with the misses :xxgrinning--00xx3:

my misses is tooo tired to have a Tampo :D, kids wear her down when she's home, she has to goto bed early, and i can do what i want

:REDancedancer08::xxparty-smiley-050::UpYurs::333:

All 'round to Joe's place, what's it called when hundreds gatecrash a party?
I fancy the drums .

[Mrs.JMajor]

Ok.

Two can play that game....:rolleyes:

Just mention that You are sick and tired of the attitude, remind her of the wedding wows and if she suffers from selective memory you can call her bluff, tell her that, although you love her and will miss her terribly, you don't mind for her to go back to the Philippines, where she will feel happier, but your daughter stays with you in the UK.:omg:

I think I might have made some enemies with this post....:Erm:

NO,you are fine Mod,We call it reverse psychology :xxgrinning--00xx3:
but if shes too mad enough,she will bite it:NoNo: and she will say "OK i will go back to PI",hope it wont happen:cwm24:

[ginapeterb]

This situation is far becoming worse than is necessary !

It seems to me, that your situation at home with your newly arrived wife is getting worse by the day, if we are to believe that she threw the wedding ring at you, this seems to have a cause and effect scenario, are you having rows with her verbally, if so, don't !

Most Filipina's in my experience do not like to be confrontational, so avoid that if you can, your the man, take the lead, be supportive, it could be that sadly your choice of wife may be one of the very few I would say around 2-3 per cent of those who come to UK, who have extreme difficulties in settling in this country, although in time it will pass.

The Problem for you at present is that your wife appears to have a huge resentment for the situation she finds herself in.

I think her expectations of life in the UK have been greatly dashed by her immediate surroundings, I alluded to this in a previous post, sometimes we forget just how different it really is for the newly arrived ones.

That is not to say that some Filipina's who come to the UK, seem to settle in within days like a duck takes to a lake, but others I have previously talked about before, hate everything they see, and everything they find, and that includes unfortunately you the husband, the cause of their predicament.

Her shouting and current attitudes towards you, are a defense mechanism for an outlet that needs to find a blame for her situation.

By blaming you, and directing her anger towards you, she needs an outlet to vent her frustrations at where she finds herself.

I can appreciate some advice given here at this forum, such as encouraging her to go to Filipino food shops, using public transport, and by the way, Croydon has a better public transport system than some rural area's especially your great tram system.

She can be encouraged to do a variety of things, to relieve her stress and frustrations, but I am get the feeling that this is a case of extreme home sickness, which will not be cured easily, again, if she is to make a success of her life here, time is the only healer, and no amount of cajoling and encouragement is going to solve that one instantly.

Instantaneous solutions are not going to work, forgive me for saying this, but you might also have to face up to the fact that she may never be happy in this country, I have met guys on route back from Philippines who have given in to letting their wife go back to live, even after 9 months to a year, because they simply will not settle.

But I am hoping for your sake that it won't come to that, again, advice given so far is constructive on the forum, in time your wife may face up to the job she has, which is what she wanted when she signed up for it, again, threats such as, I will drive you to the airport and go home if you don't like it, won't be the answer.

I wish you well with this, it might go on for a while longer yet, maybe even getting worse, before it might get better, the quicker you find your wife a barkada of Filipina female friends to see her, and perhaps have coffee with and go out together, the quicker some of this may subside, my advice then is to encourage her to find other Filipina's to have social time with asap.

That just may start to let her current attitudes subside !

[deckard97f]

Well the text message backfired, she was all ready to head off to the airport and leave me.

However last night i am pleased to report we have had a big heart to heart and i think we have sorted things out.
I got a big breakfast this morning before heading out to work:)

Their is one important point that i have left out, no only is she lonely and bored but she has left her two own kids in the phillippines with her aunt to come and live with me.
SHe has given up a lot to come here, she must miss them deeply

The big problem is that i cannot read her, we are still finding our feet.

I have to be more understanding and patient.
I guess i thought that she would just fit into the role of wife, life is not simple

DECK

[ginapeterb]

their is one important point that i have left out, no only is she lonely and bored but she has left her two own kids in the phillippines

Don't you think this is a pretty important piece of information you failed to disclose in your story.

And you wonder why she is like she is ? geeeeeeeze your new heart to heart last night is only the lull before the storm, this problem will not go away, not until probably you have managed to secure her 2 children to come into the UK, and why did you not do this in one go so that your wife has her children with her ?

You have behaved irresponsibly, you have a duty to ensure your wife has her children with her, how do you expect her to be happy when she is separated from them, no wonder
she is at her wits end, now her attitude to you is reasonable I would say, in fact quite normal in the circumstances, if you want to keep your wife, get her kids here asap, delays will only
result in your marriage most likely failing in due course.

[KeithD]

Order an orchid online and send it today.....make her realise you're thinking of her while at work. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Every time I left my kids in another country the little :censored: still managed to find a way home :bigcry:

PS. We sent you an email t'other day....ignoring me eh? :rolleyes:

[Geraldine]

Pete is right...no wonder she behaves like that. :doh

I can not bear being away from my sons even for a day. When I come home from work - and its just a 5hr shift - I cuddle my sons crazy bec I miss them. What more if they are miles away?!? I feel for her :cwm34:

[aposhark]

Their (sp) is one important point that i have left out, no only is she lonely and bored but she has left her two own kids in the phillippines with her aunt to come and live with me. DECK

:doh:NoNo::doh

Better make plans for her kids to be in UK.
Best of luck to you getting everything sorted out :Cuckoo:

[aromulus]

Having known that piece of info before, I would not have posted what I did.:NoNo:

Irresponsible is the right word for it, I see Peter hits the nail on the head once again.

My wife has a daughter in Phil, living with the grandparents, and she came here willingly for me, knowing in advance that by summer 2010 the child will be here with us.
After she finishes high school and has a better grasp of the english language.

[deckard97f]

Its not that easy.

My wife accepted along time time ago that when she comes to live with me it would be herself and my daughter.
SHe has two children from a previous relationship, i could not afford to look after two more kids, she knows are financial situation.
I have promised to look after her kids (financially) remittance and such, but if they where to come here we would be buggered.

Sorry it it seems harsh but not everyone earns the big bucks

Deck

[tomm]

Don't you think this is a pretty important piece of information you failed to disclose in your story.

And you wonder why she is like she is ? geeeeeeeze your new heart to heart last night is only the lull before the storm, this problem will not go away, not until probably you have managed to secure her 2 children to come into the UK, and why did you not do this in one go so that your wife has her children with her ?

You have behaved irresponsibly, you have a duty to ensure your wife has her children with her, how do you expect her to be happy when she is separated from them, no wonder
she is at her wits end, now her attitude to you is reasonable I would say, in fact quite normal in the circumstances, if you want to keep your wife, get her kids here asap, delays will only
result in your marriage most likely failing in due course.

Totally agree. I really find it hard to believe you actually thought this relationship could work in this situation. :NoNo:

[deckard97f]

Dont be so judgemental, coz it is working

[KeithD]

Dont be so judgemental, coz it is working
Has she untied you then? :cwm24: :D

[maria_and_matt]

Dont be so judgemental, coz it is working
i am sure it will if you are both committed to the relationship, i guess that your wife is finding it extremely hard to be away from her children so she would need a lot of love and support from you. goodluck and i hope things get better for her here in the uk.

[Mrs.JMajor]

Has she untied you then? :cwm24: :D

:icon_lol::icon_lol::smileybigtmouth:

[benb]

Its not that easy.

My wife accepted along time time ago that when she comes to live with me it would be herself and my daughter.
SHe has two children from a previous relationship, i could not afford to look after two more kids, she knows are financial situation.
I have promised to look after her kids (financially) remittance and such, but if they where to come here we would be buggered.

Sorry it it seems harsh but not everyone earns the big bucks

Deck

Deck, how old are the other two children? You may be able to claim benefits if they are your step children and under financial pressure.

Cheers,

[Mrs.JMajor]

Deck, how old are the other two children? You may be able to claim benefits if they are your step children and under financial pressure.

Cheers,



that was interesting to know ben,can u elaborate it :D rather explain further,i am aware of that issue though i had 2 kids 4 yrs old and 15 yrs old,and we"re going to apply them soon,and my hubby more than willing to get my 2 kids as soon as we can:),how can my hubby claim benefits for my 2 kids ? As that was his step children already...

[benb]

that was interesting to know ben,can u elaborate it :D rather explain further,i am aware of that issue though i had 2 kids 4 yrs old and 15 yrs old,and we"re going to apply them soon,and my hubby more than willing to get my 2 kids as soon as we can:),how can my hubby claim benefits for my 2 kids ? As that was his step children already...

Have a look here:
http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/childbenefit/

[deckard97f]

12 years old and seven, do you think we can?

[benb]

12 years old and seven, do you think we can?

Maybe, have a look at income support and other benefits here:

http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/childbenefit/might-qualify.htm

It really depends on your total household income. You get plenty of benefits if your income is equal to or less than £15,575.

Best Wishes,

[GaryFifer]

Mmm. I would say the women and her kids come as one package. To seperate them is probably unreasonable. I have a step daughter and my baby,and I have to get lots of money to get all of them.I will not have them seperated, just because I want the mom! We r family!So you are not made of money. I understand. I am not. Having the kids over in UK, you would be entitled to more help.Look into that at the Job Centre, or Citizens Advice Bureau. Ask them, since the laws are a quite complex.

I know my lazy ass relatives never worked in their life, suddenly worked 16 hrs a week because the were entitled to extra money.So someone knows something with the system.But you are genuine guy who needs help. So ask.

[tomm]

Mmm. I would say the women and her kids come as one package. To seperate them is probably unreasonable. I have a step daughter and my baby,and I have to get lots of money to get all of them.I will not have them seperated, just because I want the mom! We r family!So you are not made of money. I understand. I am not. Having the kids over in UK, you would be entitled to more help.Look into that at the Job Centre, or Citizens Advice Bureau. Ask them, since the laws are a quite complex.

I know my lazy ass relatives never worked in their life, suddenly worked 16 hrs a week because the were entitled to extra money.So someone knows something with the system.But you are genuine guy who needs help. So ask.

Totally agree. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[KeithD]

Mmm. I would say the women and her kids come as one package.
Different culture though...or is it? How many 'split' families do we have in the UK? 10,000's.

Anyway, leaving kids behind in the Phil with family is 'normal', just look at how many mothers work oversea's alone....10,000's. As long as they have contact, it is not usually a problem.

[Piamed]

I also agree with much of what has been said. But I will draw our attention to the fact that the wife accepted the terms and I suspect was not strong armed into the marriage and coming here. Any responsibility for the current predicament should perhaps at best be shared.

I totally agree with Pete (as usual) that he is the man and should assume the leadership position but surely as the mother with the primary responsibility for the kids she should have weighed up the constraints with their interests in mind. Perhaps she did and that is why she is here.

Anyway, moving forward:

There are certainly Govenment benefits to be had but things will still be hard but as long as all parties are committed to working things out constructively then all should be well. The wife should not be blaming her husband and vice versa.

Good luck to you!

[Sangoma]

I can not imagine my wife leaving her son behind. I can't imagine not having him here. When we were there, the four of us (My wife and her son, and myself and my daughter) were like a family that had always been together. We are all looking forward to being together again.

I had to leave my two eldest kids in SA (they are totally independent) and that was hard, but for a mother to leave two young ones behind must be torture for her.

I hope that a way is found for them to join you, no matter what she knew would happen before the marriage took place, no matter what choices she had to make and why, I think those kids are as part of your family as is your own child, and the whole family would benefit from being together.

Finances can always be worked out, it is surprising how much we spend in the UK on things we don't need, but just think we want, it doesn't take that many cut backs to feed and look after a couple of extra kids, the pleasures of having a united family must surely outweigh a few missed non-essentilals.

[IainBusby]

I can not imagine my wife leaving her son behind. I can't imagine not having him here. When we were there, the four of us (My wife and her son, and myself and my daughter) were like a family that had always been together. We are all looking forward to being together again.

I had to leave my two eldest kids in SA (they are totally independent) and that was hard, but for a mother to leave two young ones behind must be torture for her.

I hope that a way is found for them to join you, no matter what she knew would happen before the marriage took place, no matter what choices she had to make and why, I think those kids are as part of your family as is your own child, and the whole family would benefit from being together.

Finances can always be worked out, it is surprising how much we spend in the UK on things we don't need, but just think we want, it doesn't take that many cut backs to feed and look after a couple of extra kids, the pleasures of having a united family must surely outweigh a few missed non-essentilals.

I agree. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

my stepson couldn't wait to go back to the phils, he was virtually begging to go back to his aunt, friends and sunny weather :D

it depends on how old the kids are, what their family life is like in the phils, but if their young I'm sure they would miss their mom, as much as theit mom misses them :cwm24:

you would be able to get child benefit, and maybe tax creds depending on your income.

[eljean]

All of us here (Filipinas) who got married to a briton has loveones that have left behind in the Philippines either son/daughter/parents/friends family and relatives the fact that it is the biggest sacrifice we have all made just to be with the man we chooses to live with for the rest of our life but that's how it all goes for anyone who decide for it to come over here...But the the world has now the best technology way of communication just like the Internet...for sure anyone who had been somehow separated by distance and time will be reunited once and again....in the right time.:)

[GaryFifer]

my stepson couldn't wait to go back to the phils, he was virtually begging to go back to his aunt, friends and sunny weather :D

it depends on how old the kids are, what their family life is like in the phils, but if their young I'm sure they would miss their mom, as much as theit mom misses them :cwm24:

you would be able to get child benefit, and maybe tax creds depending on your income.

My step daughter is 12. How olds yours?How did your stepson cope when he was here Joe?

[joebloggs]

My step daughter is 12. How olds yours?How did your stepson cope when he was here Joe?

he was 17 1/2, got him here b4 he was 18, after 18 its a lot harder to get them here, he missed his friends too much.. we kept him here long enough to get him ilr. then let him go back to uni in the phils. didn't like being here that much, he was always counting the days to go back :doh.

but our daughter who's 8 now, came to the uk when she was 4 1/2, no longer speaks tag, is doing well at school, and the uk is her home.

what worries my misses is when our daughter is older , she will get bullied for being a foreigner. told her to take her back to learning Taekwondo :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Jay&Zobel]

he was 17 1/2, got him here b4 he was 18, after 18 its a lot harder to get them here, he missed his friends too much.. we kept him here long enough to get him ilr. then let him go back to uni in the phils. didn't like being here that much, he was always counting the days to go back :doh.

TEENS... :Brick:

but our daughter who's 8 now, came to the uk when she was 4 1/2, no longer speaks tag, is doing well at school, and the uk is her home.

what worries my misses is when our daughter is older , she will get bullied for being a foreigner. told her to take her back to learning Taekwondo :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:


Tell her not to worry, coz UK is a multi cultural country...:xxgrinning--00xx3: Lots of Black, White, Brown, Yellow etc...

[GaryFifer]

Strange he'd want to go to PI university when so much things have been discovered here and our education system is good. You'd think he take the opportunity here and THEN go back to his country to do some good.

[joebloggs]

well he missed his friends, his girl friend, sunny weather, maybe also because he was looking after little joe for 5hrs aday, might have had something to do with it to :doh

well as he has ilr we'll get him back here b4 his 2yrs out of the uk are up :D, he wants to finish uni b4 coming back to the uk permanently.