i need help pls :(

[miserable]

hi all!!

yeah am really miserable of my life here

bear with my english guys cos am not that good really

i met online this english man 2 years ago and when we met in person after we've known each other for a year,that was nice time and that i got pregnant.so we decided to get a fiance visa to come here in UK.

my visa will end on 3 months and no plans yet if we get marry..seems all days here are arguments..he so moaned that will made me in mood.i thought all will changed when the baby came but getting worst.he moan and moan everyday for all expenses.i cant even help him coz cant work :( he has loads of debt cos of his ex gf ,they became friends when we knew each other
but still he took the responsibilities,for the daily living of that girl but early this year he can't contact that girl anymore.

always in my mind that i better go home when my visa end than living with him moaned and shouting of me,saying a names.. but i want take my daughter that the name is after my partner.what am gonna do?i know he will fight for our child.i just cant stand living with him,my sacrifices here is for my daugter's sake and my respect to his mum.my daughter's granny loves her much.
and i just found out the father of my daughter talking other woman online.he always moaned when out of money but yet can pay for that love matching site just to talk to another girl.

thank you

[joebloggs]

in most cases the mother would be given custody of the child, unless the mother is unfit etc..

what do you want ? you want to go back to the phils or stay in the UK ?

[Mrs.JMajor]

Awww,sorry to hear that,well u really need to go home whether you like it or not if u both didn't get marry,thing is 3 months still long way to go,i wonder if its acceptable to say that go get married hence u mention that the relationship isn't working well,since you're here in UK other member will reply to you if u can bring the baby w/ you as we don't know pretty much the law of the UK,
If you are in PI,obviously the responsibility of the baby is under mother care until 7 yrs old

[miserable]

in most cases the mother would be given custody of the child, unless the mother is unfit etc..

what do you want ? you want to go back to the phils or stay in the UK ?

hi joe!!i want go back as long can take my child with me

.....

sorry i posted it twice coz thought this one doesnt work

[miserable]

hi joe and jed!!! thanks for the reply..

i want go back as long can take my child with me.
....

sorry i posted it twice coz thought this one thread doesnt work

[jbt]

sorry to hear about your story sis, you're so far away from home and w/ a guy who seem not to care for you anymore plus you've just had a baby, why don't you talk to your partner and discuss what will be the next step....it's a shame that he's treating you like that...if you choose to go back and bring your daughter in the phils., it will be very hard but you have to be strong for you and the baby...

all the best sis.

[philphil61]

Hi

I feel for you girl that this Englishman like so many men do not take responsible attitudes towards relationships and children - I hate this even though I am a man because he and many others make my life harder because women becoming untrusting towards men from the many bad experiences they have

BUT

I also do not understand why you felt the need to get pregnant before you was married or before you knew him truly. Knowing him online for 1 year is not enough in my eyes. You need to accept some responsibility for the situation you are in.

With respect to your wanting to return home - I cannot give advice as I dont know the true answer although my heart is with you and your child for your current circumstances.

I hope you find peace and happiness whatever the outcome may be.

My apologises to anyone who is offended by my comments here - I speak from the heart and honestly!

Phil

[aromulus]

Hi
I also do not understand why you felt the need to get pregnant before you was married or before you knew him truly. Knowing him online for 1 year is not enough in my eyes. You need to accept some responsibility for the situation you are in.
Phil

No need to chastize I think......:Erm:

Mistakes do happen and I am sure that she didn't get pregnant on purpose.

The onus really is on the "shower" that didn't take precautions.

Yes you will be able to take your baby with you, if you return home.
As no doubt you would be granted sole custody.

Good luck.

[PAT]

No need to chastize I think......:Erm:

Mistakes do happen and I am sure that she didn't get pregnant on purpose.

The onus really is on the "shower" that didn't take precautions.


This is a good news for you miserable!...you are blessed enough having a baby.

Yes you will be able to take your baby with you, if you return home.
As no doubt you would be granted sole custody.

Good luck.

Hello sir, i am trying to quote.I am not sure if i done it correctly.

[maria_and_matt]

i am so sorry to hear about whats going on with you here. you can take the child back to the philippines if you want to especially if you are not married to this guy. and once you are back home seek help from a lawyer about full custody which i think you won't have any problems getting, it is just as a precaution in case the father of your baby turns up there.
if you need to talk we are always around to listen. goodluck sis, and godbless you and your baby.

[miserable]

Hi

I feel for you girl that this Englishman like so many men do not take responsible attitudes towards relationships and children - I hate this even though I am a man because he and many others make my life harder because women becoming untrusting towards men from the many bad experiences they have

BUT

I also do not understand why you felt the need to get pregnant before you was married or before you knew him truly. Knowing him online for 1 year is not enough in my eyes. You need to accept some responsibility for the situation you are in.

With respect to your wanting to return home - I cannot give advice as I dont know the true answer although my heart is with you and your child for your current circumstances.

I hope you find peace and happiness whatever the outcome may be.

My apologises to anyone who is offended by my comments here - I speak from the heart and honestly!

Phil

hi!well yeah pat is right it wasnt really a plan when got pregnant but no regret at all coz its my daughter who makes me feel courage to have and makes me happy for now.

was bit confused last night so had typo...coz we met online 2005 and in person last year..so its 2 years we've known 'til we met....he so very nice when talked online,i feel so much love and care but all gone when i know the real him.

and some more.....

i just asked my grandma and mom for a money to send me least can help a bit for our expenses here..they understand and both generous so they gave me what i asked.and also i saved some from my wages in my work before,it helps really a bit as well

[KeithD]

Just go back ASAP and start again....find yourself a nice Brit fitness instructor who'll whip you (soon-to-be) ex's :action-smiley-081: :cwm24:

[miayela]

Hello Miserable
If hes not treating you right talk to him and let him know what you feel and ask him what are hes plans for you and your baby?
If hes not man enough to take care of you and your child then maybe its good for you to go back to philippines rather than suffer in agony with your fiance..

[vbkelly]

sorry to hear your sad story,in your story you said he don't care about you and your daughter so ,if i were you im going back to PI ASAP and try again.

[Sconnie]

hi,

Sad reading this post, you have our sympathy and help if we can be of any.

Do you have any friends you could go and stay with for a few days to give you and your daughter a break and also some space between you and your bf. Wish you good luck, don't know if we can be of any more help..

[andypaul]

Go to the CAB and get advice asap. They are a free service with offices in many areas of the UK who can offer practical advice for you.
Heres the link

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

Whatever you try not to overstay your Visa if at all possible.

I think Sconnies advice is a good idea a few days apart before the real thing may help things or show you its for the best that you go back.

Ps its not my Site but if you find it hard to express yourself in English im sure Mr Admin po will not mind you expressing yourself in tagalog if its helping you in a important situation.

[pennybarry]

Don't marry him if you think he's really a bully type. Did you try to shout louder and better than he does? Your suffering is enough. Go to CAB and they will help you. Fight for your baby!!! You can do it!

CHEER UP!

[miserable]

hi all!!thanks for the replies

will try to answer ur questions later-when my baby's bed time

[miserable]

Don't marry him if you think he's really a bully type. Did you try to shout louder and better than he does? Your suffering is enough. Go to CAB and they will help you. Fight for your baby!!! You can do it!

CHEER UP!

hi penny!!

ur right,he is bit bully..thats what his mother said to him as well.he hit me twice already..the first one when was pregnant,coz of my jealousy of that girl..he hit me coz was just quiet when he talked a loat but the second time i stand for myself already so i shouted him back and saying names too and that made him pissed of...was about to call a cop that time but he begged me and kneel infront of me not to and just went to his mum's house to sort it out.
i was staying that night to his mum's and i can feel and see that his mum want me stay cos she dont want to be far to her grandchild :(

[miserable]

guys,can i stay here until my visa expire? i mean do i need to do something for my baby?

father of my child always talked about(when all is ok) "we should get marry so that i can work"..but everytime he talks about that i just quiet coz dunno what to say and really cant decide...i know theres no love between us but for our child's sake,i cant decide really..when we argue thats the time in my mind i better go home but when things ok i'll should be fine for baby's sake.i grew up without father,i just dont want happen to my child also.

thanks for that CAB or link ,will try visit there

[miserable]

hi,

Sad reading this post, you have our sympathy and help if we can be of any.

Do you have any friends you could go and stay with for a few days to give you and your daughter a break and also some space between you and your bf. Wish you good luck, don't know if we can be of any more help..

hi!!i have aunt here in UK and her door always open for me..but need to fly :) i always threatened him before to go away but cant do it..seems am bit scared

[miserable]

sorry to hear your sad story,in your story you said he don't care about you and your daughter so ,if i were you im going back to PI ASAP and try again.

hi vb!!i cant say if he cares or not really..hope he dont care and just let me go with my baby..but he dont want me

when i confronted him other day about that dating sites,its positive that he really talked other girls...so these 2 days past and today he is so good to me

[fhara]

hi there....ohhhh im sorry about that,...i now know why you choose that user name...just pray that hope god will give you the answers of your problems...and try to keep searching here hopefully they can help also...i know how u feel and its hard...just take care...

[Piamed]

Amiga. I am also extremely sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself in. Unfortunately, with your current aruments and apparent treatment, him marrying you is not the answer.

I know that your mother-in-law will be disappointed but she cannot blame you if her son is not responsible, does not treat you well and does not want to marry you.

Having your baby is a blessing and a responsibility. I pray for Him to soften your partners heart, grant you the comfort to cope with your predicament and you both the wisdom to do what is right for both you and your baby.

All the best!

[aromulus]

While agreeing with Toks, I feel as I have to state something very simple that may also upset you.

Take the baby and go back home.
There you will have the support and love of your family that will help you go through a difficult time.
Forget or try to forget the lazy layabout you got landed with and be patient.
Concentrate on your child welfare, give her all the love and attention that she needs, and when you are ready, try for another relationship.
In my opinion, the father will not bother you again, but will see, in his selfish way, your departure as a blessing.
There is no love between the two of you, it has gone, and it doesn't matter how hard you will work at making it succeed, it will not, because it sounds as if he isn't interested anymore.
Contacting and chatting up other women on the net only show disrespect towards you and total ignorance of your and the baby's needs.

Go home, dai, before the visa expires.
This way it will give you the chance to re-apply in case you find a real decent person in future, without the fear of being denied the new visa, for having been an overstayer.

Good luck in all you decide to do.
Our thoughts are with you.

Dom & Jet

[aposhark]

Hitting you, chatting with other women on the internet :yikes:
Don't stay there "miserable". :NoNo:
Take Care and the very best of luck to you.

[Alan]

he hit me twice already :(

Warning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that I have read these words, I am afraid I have only one thing to say.

LEAVE HIM!!!!

No decent man hits a woman - in fact - and I'm sorry if this hurts - if he has hit you already, the chances are that he will do it again.

I feel sure that my colleagues will back me up on this sentiment.

God bless you.

Al.:)

[andypaul]

Warning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that I have read these words, I am afraid I have only one thing to say.

LEAVE HIM!!!!

No decent man hits a woman - in fact - and I'm sorry if this hurts - if he has hit you already, the chances are that he will do it again.

I feel sure that my colleagues will back me up on this sentiment.

God bless you.

Al.:)

I agree but would change it to no person should need to hit another person.

He seems to have a temper and be a bully which even his mother sees.

I would suggest in this situation particulalry with a young Baby you should walk away.

No man with a Wife to be and baby should be chating to girls in person or online. Apart form everyday work reasons and social.

To many warning signs if he cant make the effort now things are likely to get better imo.

[Mrs.JMajor]

[SIZE=4]Go home, dai, before the visa expires.
This way it will give you the chance to re-apply in case you find a real decent person in future, without the fear of being denied the new visa, for having been an overstayer.Dom & Jet

This is very important words to move on to new relationship in case u still want British guy :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[pennybarry]

hi penny!!

ur right,he is bit bully..thats what his mother said to him as well.he hit me twice already..the first one when was pregnant,coz of my jealousy of that girl..he hit me coz was just quiet when he talked a loat but the second time i stand for myself already so i shouted him back and saying names too and that made him pissed of...was about to call a cop that time but he begged me and kneel infront of me not to and just went to his mum's house to sort it out.
i was staying that night to his mum's and i can feel and see that his mum want me stay cos she dont want to be far to her grandchild :(

OH GOSH! That's beyond my limitation:omg: . Try to learn how to kick his :censored::cwm23:

[Geraldine]

Dont let him ever hit you again...if he does, call the police no ifs/buts! Good thing you didnt get married now that you know his true attitude. You deserve someone better.

[Sconnie]

I can only support the advise from others now, after reading your additional posts.

You need loving family support for you and your child, in my opinion you will not have this support here with this bully, the situation will only get worse.

You should go home to Phil. I know this is not easy to do but for your sake and the sake of your baby you should go and leave this brute behind.

[marylen]

oh my God...what the heck of a man he is ! he deserves none of your love and attention, i won't advice you stay NOR to take all those moan and unreasonable damn behavior he shown to you, its already over the limit, if i were you am gonna slap his face up, what a shame on him to do such thing, he even has no right to do any single thing to feel you bad about, i don't think so if you need to extend up more of your stay just to live up with those miserable life, the longer you stay, the more you feel hurt... much even worst when he is in contact with someone else online ....goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh girl that is really damn unacceptable ....

[vbkelly]

hi penny!!

ur right,he is bit bully..thats what his mother said to him as well.he hit me twice already..the first one when was pregnant,coz of my jealousy of that girl..he hit me coz was just quiet when he talked a loat but the second time i stand for myself already so i shouted him back and saying names too and that made him pissed of...was about to call a cop that time but he begged me and kneel infront of me not to and just went to his mum's house to sort it out.
i was staying that night to his mum's and i can feel and see that his mum want me stay cos she dont want to be far to her grandchild :(

he's pathetic idiot man

[aug06_2006]

hi all!!

yeah am really miserable of my life here

bear with my english guys cos am not that good really

i met online this english man 2 years ago and when we met in person after we've known each other for a year,that was nice time and that i got pregnant.so we decided to get a fiance visa to come here in UK.

my visa will end on 3 months and no plans yet if we get marry..seems all days here are arguments..he so moaned that will made me in mood.i thought all will changed when the baby came but getting worst.he moan and moan everyday for all expenses.i cant even help him coz cant work :( he has loads of debt cos of his ex gf ,they became friends when we knew each other
but still he took the responsibilities,for the daily living of that girl but early this year he can't contact that girl anymore.

always in my mind that i better go home when my visa end than living with him moaned and shouting of me,saying a names.. but i want take my daughter that the name is after my partner.what am gonna do?i know he will fight for our child.i just cant stand living with him,my sacrifices here is for my daugter's sake and my respect to his mum.my daughter's granny loves her much.
and i just found out the father of my daughter talking other woman online.he always moaned when out of money but yet can pay for that love matching site just to talk to another girl.

thank you

Sorry to hear ur story...

[miserable]

hi all!!!

sorry just get back,,so busy with my baby
thank you for all ur replies,,really appreciated!!

am confused now coz his mum trying me always to feel good and keep asking me to stay for baby's sake and said to me she cant live without her grandchild..i know,she does..i can really feel and see how much she loves my daughter..she take some expenses for the baby.
and that idiot man still on that dating site..he just told me thats why he go online to talk coz no one talks to him cos am just quiet here in the house..
i dunno i cant even talk to him since,i haven't any respect to him..
he said to me am so horrible and havee no care to him..i just said back to him "coz u made me one"

[joebloggs]

you need to do something b4 your visa runs out, it's too late then. it looks like its over btw you and him ?. so you either go back to the phils with your bb, or you start to try and do something about trying to stay here with the help of his mom.

you need to speak to her, it looks like your wasting your time with him, he just wants you gone, and speak to his mom, about your options, and do what's best for you, your bb and his grandma. go to your local law centre, and get free legal advice, and find out what rights you have, if any to staying here, and do it asap

[reginacarlson]

For your sake as well as your baby's, dump this guy! He's not worth it! Don't tolerate this kind of treatment! Get out of there while you still can. If he has hit you already then chances are it could happen again, who knows what other things he's capable of? Make sure you come back to the Philippines before your visa expires so should you wish to return to UK in the future there won't be any problem.

[Ann07]

hi all!!

yeah am really miserable of my life here

bear with my english guys cos am not that good really

i met online this english man 2 years ago and when we met in person after we've known each other for a year,that was nice time and that i got pregnant.so we decided to get a fiance visa to come here in UK.

my visa will end on 3 months and no plans yet if we get marry..seems all days here are arguments..he so moaned that will made me in mood.i thought all will changed when the baby came but getting worst.he moan and moan everyday for all expenses.i cant even help him coz cant work :( he has loads of debt cos of his ex gf ,they became friends when we knew each other
but still he took the responsibilities,for the daily living of that girl but early

this year he can't contact that girl anymore.

always in my mind that i better go home when my visa end than living with him moaned and shouting of me,saying a names.. but i want take my daughter that the name is after my partner.what am gonna do?i know he will fight for our child.i just cant stand living with him,my sacrifices here is for my daugter's sake and my respect to his mum.my daughter's granny loves her much.
and i just found out the father of my daughter talking other woman online.he always moaned when out of money but yet can pay for that love matching site just to talk to another girl.

thank you

I feel so sorry for you. You dont deserve this get out there and make your stand. You need somebody right now that could help you. I would suggest go to your nearest CAB as soon as possible before your visa runs out. Think about your baby. I know its tough but you have to made up your mind now as what to do. I will pray for you and your baby dai. Goodluck:)

[cruisingkerry]

What an awful story! poor you!

As everyone else has said get out and take your baby with you. No matter what his mother says. Does she know he hits you and is a womaniser?? What does she say about that?? Or is he abusive with her too?

There is no way any man british or otherwise sshould be allowed to continue with this kind of behaviour.

What an a++!hole I say, get advice as everyone else has said and get out, for your sake and the baby's sake.

Sham you can't name and shame him - bet this other girl wouldn't be keen on him if she knew his real game.....

Best of luck
K xx

[eljean]

hi all!!!

sorry just get back,,so busy with my baby
thank you for all ur replies,,really appreciated!!

am confused now coz his mum trying me always to feel good and keep asking me to stay for baby's sake and said to me she cant live without her grandchild..i know,she does..i can really feel and see how much she loves my daughter..she take some expenses for the baby.
and that idiot man still on that dating site..he just told me thats why he go online to talk coz no one talks to him cos am just quiet here in the house..
i dunno i cant even talk to him since,i haven't any respect to him..
he said to me am so horrible and havee no care to him..i just said back to him "coz u made me one"

Your mom's boyfriend has got nothing to do for you when your(visa runs out):NoNo:yes, but the best thing to do is to talk to your bf/fiance tell him straight that your visa is gonna run out and you have to get married as soon as possible coz if it does'nt you have to go back home with your baby,"for the sake of your own child you have to try harder to make things work for both of you...if you have no respect on him just think of your baby try talking to his mom maybe she can help through talking to his son...try the possiblest way you can...at least you did the best you can for your child.
it this things does not work then your last option would be to go back home...:ARsurrender:

[macaco]

Remember if the person is already an adult it would take a lifetime for that person to change. Don't waste your time to a worthless person. Value and love yourself. Tough but you made a mistake and just have to stand up for it. Your child will be very proud of you after you overcome this. Also would you want to bring the child up in that kind of environment? remember domestic violence accelerates so the earlier the better. Nothing to be ashamed when you want to go back. Good and bad things happens. Where are you in England as my gF would be willing to help you. She knows a lot of things. She has been through a lot also. She was reading this and was really upset why some man takes you out of PI then just wreck your life here, not fair as there are a lot of laws that you are not familiar with.

Best way forward is to go to CAB and seek rigths for your child as you are not married to him. Do it quickly as your visa is expiring.