Your dog has died...

[nigel]

A wealthy businessman returns from his luxury cruise holiday only to be greeted by his butler, who has some bad news.
Butler:Sir, your dog has died.
Businessman:Waaaa waaa waaa:bigcry:my dog has died:bigcry: how did my dog die?
Butler:It got run down by a car, as it ran from your burning mansion.
Businessman: Waaa waaa waaa:bigcry::bigcry: my mansion has burned down, how did my mansion burn?:bigcry:
Butler: It got set on fire from the flames from your ferrari.
Businessman::bigcry: Waaa waa waaa:bigcry: my ferrari has burned!:bigcry: my dog has died!:bigcry: my mansion got burned!:bigcry:You could have broke the news to more gently, you could have said "One day your dog was happily walking along, and then suddenly..." and what am I supposed to tell my mother?:cwm23:
Butler: Oh yes, about your mother, "One day she was happily walking along, and then suddenly...":yikes:
Businessman: Waaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa:bigcry::bigcry::bigcry:

:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[nigel]

Have you heard about these new "emo" lawns you can get? - They cut themsleves!:doh

:icon_lol:


Did you hear about the man who had five willys? - His condom fits like a glove!:Erm:

:icon_lol:

[nigel]

A wealthy businessman calls home and his maid answers the phone "Can I speak to my wife?" the man asks. "No, I must tell you, your wife is in bed having sex with another man!!" The businessman says "Whaaaat? I want you to take the gun from my desk drawer, shoot them both dead and I'll give you a million pounds!!"
The maid agrees and two shots are heard!! The maid comes back to the phone and says "What shall I do with the bodies?" The businessman says "Dump them in the swimming pool!!" The maid says "But we don't have a swimming pool!?" He says "**** I've got the wrong number!!"