Am I just being paranoid or is something wrong?

[triple5]

Hello everyone.

Just got round to registering, and am hoping to get your thoughts on my story.
I've been lurking in the background for months, reading many threads, taking on advice. Especially the sticky thread about girls with baggage, so I was pretty sure I'd made the right decision about my filipina.

I met my girl online a year ago this month. We took things very slowly and built a good friendship first. In september I decided to take the plunge and go and meet her. I stayed for 2 weeks and we had the most perfect time. I met her friends and family and everybody made me feel very welcome. I even moved in with her family the last few days and they threw a leaving party for me. Good memories.

When I left she was very sad, and barely said a word all morning and on the way to the airport. When I returned to the UK we would chat online everyday and I would phone almost every day. Some nights she would stay awake all night to talk with me. We made plans for our future, and it all seemed good.

Then she went away, she says to stay with family in the province. When she returned a week later things were different. No more long chats. I couldn't phone her because her brother had borrowed her phone. A few weeks later and I heard nothing from her for a week. She had been to the province again, and when I asked why she hadnt told me she just said it was a rush decision.

Christmas and she went there again. Last week she came back and we havent had a proper conversation since. I keep getting left messages on msn from her just asking, "are you there?" There's no sweetness like before. We did have pet names for each other, but she just uses my first name now. I tried calling today, it rang twice then died. I tried again and straight to the "cannot connect" message. That's happened before, like she sees my number and just disconnects.

Before she went away for christmas I asked if she would be making any new years resolutions. She said, "to stop being selfish". That seemed a strange thing to say so I asked what she meant by it. She said. "I have to consider my partners feelings more?" Again, I asked what she meant, and her answer was, "I'm getting bored of long distance relationship"

She apologised later and said she was just frustrated because she wants us to be together. Maybe that's the reason why she's being so stand offish now. She's getting bored of this. I don't know. The plan was to go and visit again in 2 months, so I would have thought she'd be happy and looking forward to that.

I feel like I've done something wrong, but have no idea what it is. I've been kind, sweet and considerate, so am left scratching my head.

I'm hoping some of the more experienced members here have some tips for me. Feel free to ask any questions.

Thanks for reading.

[aromulus]

Doesn't look too good.:NoNo:

Be ready to move on, I don't think that the lady in question is too bothered about the relationship.

I don't want to jump the gun, but her absences and reluctance to answer the phone may be because she is probably with someone else.

I hope I am wrong.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

[triple5]

Thanks, I'm ready to move on if needs be once I know its over. If she has somebody else why keep me hanging on? Also, having met her family I'm sure they'd all be very disappointed in her if she had 2 guys on the go.

I'm pretty sure this is not a money scam. One of her reasons a few months ago for not coming online was that they'd been disconnected for not paying the bill. I offered to help and she said no.

I agree, though, things don't look good.

[joebloggs]

could well have a local b/f that her family might not even know about.

i don't think she would have let you meet her family if they knew she had another b/f.

a year is along time, like any ldr, its great for 2wks of the year, then you realise its back to your normal life in your own world. and it could be another 6 months b4 you meet again :NoNo:.

[triple5]

True. Maybe she met the other bf after I left. Things will come to ahead soon I'm sure. Just writing her email now.

[Mrs.JMajor]

OK,here is my honest opinion,please don't get upset,trying to be realistic here,might some members will disagree to me,but ,come on lets face the fact....
Don't you realize the other way that when she said she moved to the province,shes lying...(sorry about that) why she didn't go to any internet cafe the time she was there,if she really care,Mod Aromulos was right....
2nd reason,its often that we let anyone either member of the family borrowed our mobile:NoNo:another trick
3rd,the way she talk to you really sounds no feeling at all.......
And you know what is the worst,she either met some foreign guys the time she in and out of communication with you ,shes just trying to get a visa,and it may the best man win ,i know i am filipina,i just feel pity to those guys who have sincere feeling ,but women cheated them :NoNo:

Move On,find new one,there are loads of genuine filipina in every corner,keep trying you can feel their honestly in some ways :xxgrinning--00xx3:

P.S you might appreciate that she let u met her family,but it is normal you know,usually parents/relatives are just accepting any one who introduced by a member of the family,a way of being polite to visitors especially if he/she is from another country ,well in general even he/she is filipino

[Alan]

The many hundreds of posts on here that cite situations similar to yours have often indicated that something is wrong.

Of course, it is your decision what you ultimately decide to do, however, the members on here are wise and give true, honest opinions.

Good luck, but be careful!

Al.:)

P.S. Her sadness could, of course, mean that she is an Oldham fan!! :D

[triple5]

Thanks for your thoughts Mrs.JMajor. With fear of sounding like a naive fool I'm going to argue some of your points.


Don't you realize the other way that when she said she moved to the province,shes lying...(sorry about that) why she didn't go to any internet cafe the time she was there,if she really care,Mod Aromulos was right....

It was my understanding that this "province" is very remote. There are no internet cafes and barely any phone reception there. She has shown me pictures and it does look rather primitive there. Or am I wrong? Are there no such no places there and everywhere has internet and phone access?


2nd reason,its often that we let anyone either member of the family borrowed our mobileanother trick

I'm not sure what you're saying here. Is it that this is a common trick filipinos use when they don't want to talk to somebody?


3rd,the way she talk to you really sounds no feeling at all.......
And you know what is the worst,she either met some foreign guys the time she in and out of communication with you ,shes just trying to get a visa,and it may the best man win ,i know i am filipina,i just feel pity to those guys who have sincere feeling ,but women cheated them

I agree, no feeling there, and it has crossed my mind that I am just one of many. But it's definitely NOT about the visa with her. I've asked her a few times her thoughts on coming to the UK and she's quite set on staying there and me going to settle over there (or at least that was the plan).

The "Move on" advice I get. That's not a problem. But having put a lot of heart and effort into this it'd just be nice to get a few answers first. This wouldn't be the first time a woman's sulked with me and I have no idea what I've done wrong lol.

Well, I sent the email, which read like a charge sheet of things that have been annoying me. All I've got back is the same I've been getting all week, a left message on messenger. Just says, "Are you there?"


The many hundreds of posts on here that cite situations similar to yours have often indicated that something is wrong.

Of course, it is your decision what you ultimately decide to do, however, the members on here are wise and give true, honest opinions.

Good luck, but be careful!

Al.

P.S. Her sadness could, of course, mean that she is an Oldham fan!!

Thanks Al, having read some of the similar stories on here I guess I don't have much reason to be optimistic, and I'm taking on board all the advice given to me.

Thanks. I appreciate your time in quick responses.

[ginapeterb]

I have read this post this morning and I have very little to add, other than, this.

If a Filipina wants to be with you, she is contactable anywhere in the Philippines - if she doesn't she can fade away quicker than fog !

Going to provinces, being out of contact, her brother borrowed her cellphone, can't connect ! my brother fell off his motorcycle and hit the Police car, Their was a typhoon and the roof has blown off, no load !,

These are all the signs of a Filipino boyfriend in tow....

finding your life time companion in cyberspace is a miracle, entering into any relationships using the method we have used is at best a Gamble ! needless to say, there will be some winners and an awful lot of loosers.


Next !!!!

[aromulus]

It was my understanding that this "province" is very remote. There are no internet cafes and barely any phone reception there. She has shown me pictures and it does look rather primitive there. Or am I wrong? Are there no such no places there and everywhere has internet and phone access?
.

We could show you photos of extremely remote areas about 3 miles out of Cebu City:doh..... If not less.....:omg:

As Peter said, if she wanted to be in touch she would have done without any problems.
If and when a Pinay embarks on an LDR she will be invariably 100% committed and will worry herself to a frazzle if you are not contactable yourself....:cwm24:

Move on friend, at least you come out without loosing money to a scammer, or......:Erm:???

[KeithD]

It's sometime difficult making contact with my wife......and she's in the same room :icon_lol:

[Tiggers0608]

:Erm: :Erm: :Erm:

i think most of the them are right ... i think she have a new bf in the province if its really in the province hey your 7,000 miles away she can say anything and u can't prove it.

we all go through long distance relationship but it worked so means she just dont want long distance coz she have a new bf either a pinoy or a new foreigner :rolleyes: thats we dont know.

:Erm: am i bad to say that , we'll u post it here so means its open for all of us to do comment :D:icon_lol::Rasp:

that just what i think ok.... not of pinay are good like some of us :rolleyes:

[Sconnie]

Hi Triple5,
Having read your post I ahve to agree with the general opinion here, I don't think she is interested in you and she might well have another guy over in Phils. prepare to leave this relationship.
Have you tried going quiet, not making contact to see how she reacts ?

[PeterB]

It was my understanding that this "province" is very remote. There are no internet cafes and barely any phone reception there. She has shown me pictures and it does look rather primitive there. Or am I wrong? Are there no such no places there and everywhere has internet and phone access?

There are definitely some very remote areas where there is no phone service or Internet. Whereabouts is her home, and where is the 'province'?



All I've got back is the same I've been getting all week, a left message on messenger. Just says, "Are you there?"

This makes it sound as though she is trying to contact you - how does she always manage to pick a time when you're not there?

Perhaps there is another guy in her life - and that restricts the times when she can get online?

I guess that if you cannot get to talk to her then the relationship is over.

However, filipinas have a very different attitude to relationships compared with most western women and their reactions may well be very different to anything we're familiar with ... there may be some logical explanation.

[triple5]

Have you tried going quiet, not making contact to see how she reacts ?

I did try that just before christmas for 3 days, then I got a message from her asking why I'm not talking to her and am I growing tired of her. I just laughed at that coz she can disappear for a week and not say anything.


There are definitely some very remote areas where there is no phone service or Internet. Whereabouts is her home, and where is the 'province'?

I'm not exctly sure. She's from Davao and says its about 4 hours away by bus. I did believe her about the phone reception/no internet thing because when I was there for the first week her parents were away in the province and she said she didnt know when they'd be back because there was no way of contacting them. One day her mum and dad walked in and everybody looked surprised and excited.


This makes it sound as though she is trying to contact you - how does she always manage to pick a time when you're not there?

That's it, almost every day I'm getting the same message - "are you there?" but its usually at a time just before I get up in the morning. Which is kind of annoying as she knows the time difference and when's a good time to catch me. We did speak briefly when she got back, almost a week ago. I had just woken up, we had a little chat and I asked if she could give me 2 mins to freshen up before I put the cam on. She said ok, that she'd go for dinner and try and get back online later. She never did, and its just been these short messages ever since.


Perhaps there is another guy in her life - and that restricts the times when she can get online?

They have 2 PCs there in her house, and she always blames her sisters using them and not letting her get on. Like I said before she knows the best times to catch me, so in my mind there's no excuses.


I guess that if you cannot get to talk to her then the relationship is over.

I actually left her a message earlier saying I haven't got the patience for this anymore, trying to guess what the problem is, and that I'm growing bored with the whole thing. No reply yet.


However, filipinas have a very different attitude to relationships compared with most western women and their reactions may well be very different to anything we're familiar with ... there may be some logical explanation.

That's the only thing that's been holding me back from calling it a day till now, that there maybe some factor involved that I don't understand. If there is somebody else why she's still leaving me messages? I know its not about the visa or the money. I've only sent a three thousand pesos on her birthday (call me stingy if you like lol) so it's not like she'll be wanting to keep me on as a cash cow.

My gut instinct has always been that she's a really good girl and not the sort to cheat and lie, but hey, just 2 weeks together and from the other side of the world you never really know.

I really appreciate all the advice been given here. Thank you all. I'll keep you posted on how things turn out.

[Mrs.JMajor]

However, we still wishing you the best of luck 555 :Hellooo:

[aposhark]

Hi triple5,

I have only had one Filipina girlfriend, who became my wife, but I think I would really worry if the giggles, girly shrieks and endearments went away over the phone.

Filipinos are so respectful and kind by nature and culture, she could possibly be a little ashamed that she has met someone new but wants to stay friendly, maybe even to hedge her bets for the future.

Either way, be careful and back off for a while and let the dust settle, to see how the lay of the land looks in a couple of weeks.

It just appears dicey to me....

Hope it works out for you :)

[pennybarry]

Hello everyone.

Just got round to registering, and am hoping to get your thoughts on my story.
I've been lurking in the background for months, reading many threads, taking on advice. Especially the sticky thread about girls with baggage, so I was pretty sure I'd made the right decision about my filipina.

I met my girl online a year ago this month. We took things very slowly and built a good friendship first. In september I decided to take the plunge and go and meet her. I stayed for 2 weeks and we had the most perfect time. I met her friends and family and everybody made me feel very welcome. I even moved in with her family the last few days and they threw a leaving party for me. Good memories.

When I left she was very sad, and barely said a word all morning and on the way to the airport. When I returned to the UK we would chat online everyday and I would phone almost every day. Some nights she would stay awake all night to talk with me. We made plans for our future, and it all seemed good.

Then she went away, she says to stay with family in the province. When she returned a week later things were different. No more long chats. I couldn't phone her because her brother had borrowed her phone. A few weeks later and I heard nothing from her for a week. She had been to the province again, and when I asked why she hadnt told me she just said it was a rush decision.

Christmas and she went there again. Last week she came back and we havent had a proper conversation since. I keep getting left messages on msn from her just asking, "are you there?" There's no sweetness like before. We did have pet names for each other, but she just uses my first name now. I tried calling today, it rang twice then died. I tried again and straight to the "cannot connect" message. That's happened before, like she sees my number and just disconnects.

Before she went away for christmas I asked if she would be making any new years resolutions. She said, "to stop being selfish". That seemed a strange thing to say so I asked what she meant by it. She said. "I have to consider my partners feelings more?" Again, I asked what she meant, and her answer was, "I'm getting bored of long distance relationship"

She apologised later and said she was just frustrated because she wants us to be together. Maybe that's the reason why she's being so stand offish now. She's getting bored of this. I don't know. The plan was to go and visit again in 2 months, so I would have thought she'd be happy and looking forward to that.

I feel like I've done something wrong, but have no idea what it is. I've been kind, sweet and considerate, so am left scratching my head.

I'm hoping some of the more experienced members here have some tips for me. Feel free to ask any questions.

Thanks for reading.


Sorry to say but in my honest opinion, she sounds guilty and playing safe. Why? Because in the Philippines we have an old saying goes "Pag ayaw may dahilan, Pag gusto may paraan" (If you don't like, you always have many reasons but if you really want, there's always a way ) She might still some confusement thats why she can't tell you the real truth.

Try to send her text message : "Pag ayaw may dahilan, Pag gusto may paraan":xxgrinning--00xx3:

Goodluck!

[triple5]

@aposhark
@pennybarry

What you both says makes a lot of sense. If she has met somebody else she probably feels ashamed after always telling me she'll love me forever and wait for me.

I won't be sending her any text messages now. In the last message I sent her I said I wouldn't trouble her anymore.

[pennybarry]

@aposhark
@pennybarry

What you both says makes a lot of sense. If she has met somebody else she probably feels ashamed after always telling me she'll love me forever and wait for me.

I won't be sending her any text messages now. In the last message I sent her I said I wouldn't trouble her anymore.

That's great! Be brave:xxgrinning--00xx3:I am 100% sure you can find your ideal honest, loving, loyal and lovely filipina.
Cheer Up!:BouncyHappy::)

[tiN]

Hi triple 5,

I'm the Brit half answering your question as to the why's an what's?

We can all give you advise about what we think and/or what maybe going on in your potential partners life? But at the same time we could be clouding your judgement as to how you think, so if you have doubt or doubt's you are the only one who can put your mind at rest, so to speak? Also you will know her a bit better than us lot??

So if you do feel as though your adrift with no wind or paddle, why not ask the girl if she is seeing someone else? Don't get or be angry with her but try to understand her, if she is with someone else, the way in which she replies may give an indication? But try to be calm and understanding when you chat or talk, we have a saying here in Scotland! "What is for you will not go by you?"

Again you may listen to everyone's opinions but at the end of the day it is all down to how to feel and deal with the situation? Hope this has helped even a small amount?

Regards P Livvy

[triple5]

Thank you, Tin, yes that has helped. Most of the folk here are pretty sure she's cheating, just after money or a visa. I'd like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character, and was pretty sure I'd picked a goodun here, so I'm still not a 100% certain there's something dodgy going on.

I have asked her if there is somebody else, albeit in an email. Maybe should have waited till we chatted. I actually have no problem with it if she is. I'll wish her luck and thank her for some good memories and move on. At the moment it's just frustrating not knowing why she's acting this way. Maybe I'll get some answers tomorrow.

[singkit]

Do not just move on, Triple5...Move forward!:xxgrinning--00xx3: Hopefully, one day, you and the fairest lady of your dream would meet up. Best of luck!:)

[nigel]

It's only been 3 or 4 months since you visited her?:Erm: You've expressed that she doesn't speak to affectionately you no more?:Erm: I suspect that her involvement with you may have prompted her friends and family to treat her differently and she may have started feeling flat about your relationship, and resentful towards you because of it...:Erm: It's just my own speculation of course though..

[triple5]

Interesting point, Nigel. That had crossed my mind. Like I said before when I first came back to the UK she was there almost 24/7 wanting to chat, and wanting me to call everyday. All the time she was spending chatting with me made me think how do her family feel about it as she seemed to be just locked in her room all the time, then sleeping all day having been up chatting till 6am. It was only after she returned from the province that things changed, as in only coming online every other day or so.

This made me wonder if others were having some kind of input, maybe telling her that she was wasting her time waiting for me.

I know she'd really like to start a family. Trouble is I have 2 kids from a previous relationship who I see at the weekends (a time that I rarely ever see her online). Maybe another reason for her to feel resentful towards me.

[tiN]

Thank you, Tin, yes that has helped. Most of the folk here are pretty sure she's cheating, just after money or a visa. I'd like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character, and was pretty sure I'd picked a goodun here, so I'm still not a 100% certain there's something dodgy going on.

I have asked her if there is somebody else, albeit in an email. Maybe should have waited till we chatted. I actually have no problem with it if she is. I'll wish her luck and thank her for some good memories and move on. At the moment it's just frustrating not knowing why she's acting this way. Maybe I'll get some answers tomorrow.


Goodluck:)

[joebloggs]

This made me wonder if others were having some kind of input, maybe telling her that she was wasting her time waiting for me.


could well be, but also her parents could have told her to leave you alone, if they have found out she has a local b/f. honour and respect still means alot to many Filipino families.

when my misses over heard my then g/f chatting to her sister, about marrying a whitey, i got a email from her mom, nicely telling me to bugger off :D

[jta]

hi tripple5,

my point of view about that lady, It could be possible that the reason behind is "Money". I remember in your post that she said her line was disconnected by not paying bills, then on her birthday u just send 3 thousand, to me as filipino sometimes said "NO" even want YES... Maybe she expects you to offer the payment by not asking her and she expects much than 3T because U as foreigner branded as "RICH" in the Philippines. Usually ( but not all ) in the Philippines if foreigner visiting family should always expense for the party, going out, gifts, etc.... and then the family would say "oh he is nice, he is generous,etc." but u can use your own judgement since u met her and family...Goodluck!

[USA]

To answer your question, no you are not being paranoid.

[Mrs.JMajor]

To answer your question, no you are not being paranoid.

so meaning....something wrong ? :Erm::D

[USA]

so meaning....something wrong ? :Erm::D

Well, thats up to him to figure out. One things for sure, he is not being paranoid. Overly understanding pehaps (IMO), blinders on maybe,dont want to face the truth could be, paranoid no.

But then, maybe everythings fine.

[Mrs.JMajor]

Well, thats up to him to figure out. One things for sure, he is not being paranoid. Overly understanding pehaps (IMO), blinders on maybe,dont want to face the truth could be, paranoid no.

But then, maybe everythings fine.

:xxgrinning--00xx3: just teasing you :D anyway :) :BouncyHappy:

[Eljohno]

Ok its been a while since i have been on here but felt the need to say something, there are many members on here that have seen it all(Good&Bad) and are giving good advice which is there is def something wrong and its very likely your girl is doing something that she does not want you to know so maybe its best now not to get further attached and meet someone who will not treat you like this!!

[D&G]

Hello everyone.


I met my girl online a year ago this month. We took things very slowly and built a good friendship first. In september I decided to take the plunge and go and meet her. I stayed for 2 weeks and we had the most perfect time. I met her friends and family and everybody made me feel very welcome. I even moved in with her family the last few days and they threw a leaving party for me. Good memories.

When I left she was very sad, and barely said a word all morning and on the way to the airport. When I returned to the UK we would chat online everyday and I would phone almost every day. Some nights she would stay awake all night to talk with me. We made plans for our future, and it all seemed good.

Then she went away, she says to stay with family in the province. When she returned a week later things were different. No more long chats. I couldn't phone her because her brother had borrowed her phone. A few weeks later and I heard nothing from her for a week. She had been to the province again, and when I asked why she hadnt told me she just said it was a rush decision.

Christmas and she went there again. Last week she came back and we havent had a proper conversation since. I keep getting left messages on msn from her just asking, "are you there?" There's no sweetness like before. We did have pet names for each other, but she just uses my first name now. I tried calling today, it rang twice then died. I tried again and straight to the "cannot connect" message. That's happened before, like she sees my number and just disconnects.

Before she went away for christmas I asked if she would be making any new years resolutions. She said, "to stop being selfish". That seemed a strange thing to say so I asked what she meant by it. She said. "I have to consider my partners feelings more?" Again, I asked what she meant, and her answer was, "I'm getting bored of long distance relationship"
She apologised later and said she was just frustrated because she wants us to be together. Maybe that's the reason why she's being so stand offish now. She's getting bored of this. I don't know. The plan was to go and visit again in 2 months, so I would have thought she'd be happy and looking forward to that.

I feel like I've done something wrong, but have no idea what it is. I've been kind, sweet and considerate, so am left scratching my head.

I'm hoping some of the more experienced members here have some tips for me. Feel free to ask any questions.

Thanks for reading.


Hi! I just want to share my thoughts. First of all, i believe its u who could tell whether u're in a dodgy situation or not. Its u who know about your girl's personality.

Finding the right one online is like a lucky break but of course be aware that its not like a bed of roses. Make sure u're ready with the up's and down's. LDR is so very hard and sometimes painful. You have to have strong faith in your partner. Build trust and confidence otherwise your relationship will go nowhere.

Im pretty sure that there's a reason behind her "unusual" behaviour. I think u guys need a good talk about this. Some people would easily tell u to forget about her and move on...but when u love someone u cant just leave without having a good fight... right?

Im not saying here that u should ignore the red flags because obviously there's something wrong. Communication is of utmost importance in every relationship. So, try to talk to her first.

Im not putting the blame on you but it could be u said something that hurt her. (that u're not aware of) Some/most Filipinas are "onion-skinned"..they get hurt so easily....or maybe she's needing some reassurance. Double your "lambing" for her...Im sure if she loves you...she would not let you go through all these unnecessary troubles, pain and anxiety.

Goodluck!

[lavander]

Thanks, I'm ready to move on if needs be once I know its over. If she has somebody else why keep me hanging on? Also, having met her family I'm sure they'd all be very disappointed in her if she had 2 guys on the go.

I'm pretty sure this is not a money scam. One of her reasons a few months ago for not coming online was that they'd been disconnected for not paying the bill. I offered to help and she said no.

I agree, though, things don't look good.

Hi Triple5,

I feel for you..at the moment, pls. give yourself time to reflect on the situation... Most of the advise here is given which i guess summarize it to leave her and move on..but having read those, i will suggest you to give her the benefit of the doubt but be cautious of course.. you can't just easily let go of all the emotional, time and effort you have invested in this relationship as easy as that... and am sure your lady will have take that into consideration all along...perhaps reason why she's cross on this kind of situation...

weight things over and be prepared for what lies ahead...

All the best... :)

Lavander..

[Mrs.JMajor]

Ok its been a while since i have been on here but felt the need to say something, there are many members on here that have seen it all(Good&Bad) and are giving good advice which is there is def something wrong and its very likely your girl is doing something that she does not want you to know so maybe its best now not to get further attached and meet someone who will not treat you like this!!

Hey,welcome back Eljohno,been long time you been:Hellooo:out of touch here,nice to see u back

[triple5]

@D&G
@Lavander

Thanks for you thoughts guys. In my mind I've given her the benefit of the doubt numerous times over the past few months. As for doing something wrong myself, I've thought about that and don't see anything that I could have. She was sweet enough before going away at christmas, that's why I put up with the other stuff becasue she always had nice words to say when we did chat. But that's died altogether now, and I don't see what I could have done inbetween christmas and now because we had no contact for 2 weeks.

I'm still open to the idea that there is some reasonable explanantion, but the fact that she cannot even contact me now to put my mind at ease doesn't give me much hope. If she is sulking over something trivial that's not the kind of girl for me anyway.

Like others here have said there's plenty out there who would appreciate me, so I'm already dipping my toe back in the water.

Again, thanks to everybody for their advice and support. You've all been very kind and your words have helped a lot. :)

[Piamed]

Hi there mate. Much of what I would say has already been said. My wife, Pia, is from a province in Mindanao. She had to trave 13km to an internet cafe to chat with me. She had no mobile and neither did her immediate family members so of course communicating was difficult but we coordinated as best we could.

She would borrow mobiles from time to time and tell me when I could call. Even after buying one for her it was not always easy as she would occasionally give hers to others to borrow. I actually admired her for sharing what she had with others. Suffice to say that if your lady was interested she would find a way.

[PeterB]

She's from Davao and says its about 4 hours away by bus. I did believe her about the phone reception/no internet thing because when I was there for the first week her parents were away in the province and she said she didnt know when they'd be back because there was no way of contacting them. One day her mum and dad walked in and everybody looked surprised and excited.

Okay, I did suspect, from what you said, that she was somewhere on Mindanao. Yes, there are very remote areas well within 4 hours travel from Davao.

We have a friend here who was working away from home - even his wife had not heard from him for three weeks and had no idea when to expect him home, when he turned up one day.

Likewise, my father-in-law visits his farm 'at the mountain' and we have no contact from him for a week or more.


could well be, but also her parents could have told her to leave you alone, if they have found out she has a local b/f. honour and respect still means alot to many Filipino families.

Indeed ... parents might tell her that even if she has no local b/f - indeed, many friends and family almost convinced Ruby that she wouldn't see me again after my first visit. The respect within families here would almost compel her to comply. Perhaps she can only attempt to chat with you surreptitiously, while none of the family are around.

I'm sure that you were aware of how many beautiful Dabawenians were giving you admiring glances while you were here - if the worst does happen, get yourself back here and try again!

[PeterB]

If she is sulking over something trivial that's not the kind of girl for me anyway.

Oh dear! Perhaps a filipina is not for you after all! :p

[triple5]

Indeed ... parents might tell her that even if she has no local b/f - indeed, many friends and family almost convinced Ruby that she wouldn't see me again after my first visit. The respect within families here would almost compel her to comply. Perhaps she can only attempt to chat with you surreptitiously, while none of the family are around.

After the first time she went away, when she wouldn't come online anywhere near as much, I thought perhaps this was the case that her family were telling her to keep some distance. We went through a phase where she would always come online at about 1am phil time, just when I was finishing work here, and I guess her family were sleeping. I'm online all day with my work, so I just put it down to her not wanting to disturb me.

The short messages I've been getting the last week are usually at the same time, about 3-4pm there, maybe the time her mother goes to the shops or something. I don't know, it feels like I'm grasping at straws by thinking her family are the reason for her actions. If that is the reason, how do you get round that one? She shares her house with 12 people. 12 vs 1 is a bit of mismatch lol.


I'm sure that you were aware of how many beautiful Dabawenians were giving you admiring glances while you were here - if the worst does happen, get yourself back here and try again!

I didn't really notice, but she mentioned it a few times when we went out. I guess I only had eyes for her.


Oh dear! Perhaps a filipina is not for you after all! :p

lol, maybe that will be my next topic - how to deal with the sulking.

[PeterB]

...how do you get round that one?

How much does this young lady mean to you? Just turning up for a second time might convince her and anyone who is 'advising' her.

[triple5]

She means a lot to me. She's supposed to be going to Japan next month to stay with her auntie and work there. The plan was for me to go visit her there in march. If that's off I'd still be prepared to go to Davao in march.

[Sim11UK]

I don't think it always is easy, to stay in communication all the time?
I had an instance early in the relationship, where she went home to the province for the weekend.
That "weekend", turned into a week & a half...All communication was dead.

I kept calling her & texting. Never a reply...I was miserable, just resigned myself that it was over. I convinced myself that her family, had told her to stay away from me, thought maybe she was miserable too?

Then...early one morning I got a phone call...I answered it & got a "Hi" in her usual cheery self. Of course I was annoyed, but highly relieved.

To cut a long story short, there was a family problem. She was now back in the City & things got back to normal...Even now though, there maybe the odd couple of days, where we're not in some form of communication, for whatever reason.

Being so far apart, communication can get skewed...Things aren't always what they seem.

Who knows?...hope it all works out for you. :)

[triple5]

Who knows?...hope it all works out for you.

Thanks mate.

[Jay&Zobel]

They all have good points...

Use your gut feeling but be very wise...

Just think that, someday she may become your "wife" or she may not be...

A long distance relationship is pretty tough (I am sure all folks here will agree) but then also, it takes 2 to tango... Sad, if you are the only person who is willing that this relationship to work. You seemed nice & genuine. You seemed to really love her with all the efforts you are showing etc... But shame, she isnt interested anymore...

Just have some time to stop, look & listen hehehe... Maybe by not contacting her that much... Let her do something too! She may be thinking where are you now? Have you lost your interests or something? Let her also do some thinking... Then maybe one day she might contact you. But before doing anything... Maybe a simple text message or an email saying that you care for her a lot and your appreciation... then say "Goodbye"... Maybe she just needs time... Time to think and maybe come to realise that she really is inlove with you... But you have to be very ready... It may or may not happen... Are you ready for the gamble?

As the saying goes:
"If you love someone let her go, if she comes back she is yours, if not she never was..."

It is not giving up but it is hoping that someday that person you love will love you back!

[D&G]

They all have good points...

Use your gut feeling but be very wise...

Just think that, someday she may become your "wife" or she may not be...

A long distance relationship is pretty tough (I am sure all folks here will agree) but then also, it takes 2 to tango... Sad, if you are the only person who is willing that this relationship to work. You seemed nice & genuine. You seemed to really love her with all the efforts you are showing etc... But shame, she isnt interested anymore...

Just have some time to stop, look & listen hehehe... Maybe by not contacting her that much... Let her do something too! She may be thinking where are you now? Have you lost your interests or something? Let her also do some thinking... Then maybe one day she might contact you. But before doing anything... Maybe a simple text message or an email saying that you care for her a lot and your appreciation... then say "Goodbye"... Maybe she just needs time... Time to think and maybe come to realise that she really is inlove with you... But you have to be very ready... It may or may not happen... Are you ready for the gamble?

As the saying goes:
"If you love someone let her go, if she comes back she is yours, if not she never was..."

It is not giving up but it is hoping that someday that person you love will love you back!



very well said :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[PeterB]

She's supposed to be going to Japan next month to stay with her auntie and work there.

The way you tell this, it sounds as though the move to Japan has been arranged rather recently ... that rather sounds like the family are 'sending her away', out of harms way.

We live in Tagum and visit Davao fairly frequently - if there's anything we can do to help ....

[triple5]

Thank you Zobel, that's very good advice and I appreciate your kind words.


The way you tell this, it sounds as though the move to Japan has been arranged rather recently ... that rather sounds like the family are 'sending her away', out of harms way.

She first mentioned this in either late oct/early nov. I don't get it, what would they be sending her away from? If they don't want us communicating surely there'd be more chance of controlling this if she were at home.


We live in Tagum and visit Davao fairly frequently - if there's anything we can do to help ....


That's a really kind offer, thank you, but I'm not sure what could be done.

[aromulus]

The move to Japan......:NoNo:

It could well be that the family would rather have her go to Japan to work than getting married.

Hence the girls confusing messages/state of mind.

But still....... Not a good omen.:NoNo:

[triple5]

There were no plans to marry. We had discussed it a couple of times, and she dropped pretty strong hints that was what she wanted. But I said I wouldn't propose when we're chatting online, but ask her in person.

[jta]

There were no plans to marry. We had discussed it a couple of times, and she dropped pretty strong hints that was what she wanted. But I said I wouldn't propose when we're chatting online, but ask her in person.

ahhh, i know now the situation why that lady acts like that...she is in dilemma of choosing u and going to Japan..because u are not sure of marrying her and she is due to go this february so possibly she will choose to go there unless u will have a strong feeling to convince her that u have the intention to marry and u want to propose it personally. I experienced this situation, I have all the documents ready and job offer in Hongkong and i told my bf ( my husband now) about it, and he said that don't go wait for me, and don't worry about financial thing i will send u as to your maintenance monthly. so i turned down the job offer and wait for him but he didnt come but decide to let me apply for visitor's visa and I did visit him..

[Sim11UK]

I think if you want to carry on pursuing this, then you need to get out there pronto. :)

[aposhark]

.....A long distance relationship is pretty tough

You got THAT right (amongst other things) :icon_lol:
Even when you're married, both people can do and say silly things at times.
I know my wife and I have had to forget our little mishaps :rolleyes:

[triple5]

Although I see what you''re saying, jta, i don't really think that's the root of the problem here. Japan was only supposed to be for 3 months. We talked about it a lot, and both agreed it would be good to spend that time together, just the 2 of us. When I was there for 2 weeks a lot of the time was with her family and they restricted her somewhat to the time we spent together alone. It was only the last 2 days that we really got some quality alone time.


I think if you want to carry on pursuing this, then you need to get out there pronto.

I'm a bit tied up with work for the next few months. Realistically, March is the earliest I could go. But the way things are, I don't know what I could be walking into.

Before this I had a LDR for 3 years, where I would spend 3 months at a time with my girl. Come back to the UK for a month or so, and I alternated it like that for 3 years. She knows about this, so I wouldn't blame her if she felt some bitterness about the fact that we've only spent 2 weeks together in a year. It was just more financially possible before.

With me spending a lot of time abroad over the past five years, I've got used to LDR's and sad goodbyes, and I know I haven't considered how tough this has been for her. I imagine there's pressure there, neighbours gossiping, family issues etc. I took it for granted she'd be able to cope with it.

[Sim11UK]

I know it's easier said than done, but how else can you resolve your problems, by not going out there?

[flomike]

LDR is really tough that's for sure. People here are very lucky that they only waited a few weeks to get their visas. In our case (2003) I lodged my application i think June I waited for 3 months for my interview that was Aug I got my visa mid Sept. my husband is the unhappiest person in the world that time. But alls well that ends well...we're together forever fand or the last 5 years we're never been separated at all except going to work:icon_lol:

[flomike]

She means a lot to me. She's supposed to be going to Japan next month to stay with her auntie and work there. The plan was for me to go visit her there in march. If that's off I'd still be prepared to go to Davao in march.

If she's going going there and stay with her auntie may be as a tourist and she can't work there:Erm: In Japan its hard to get a tourist visa specially for filipinos:NoNo: working there:Erm:

I am not going to say anything about her or judge her as I don't know her...good luck i hope she knows that how lucky she is that there's a person like you caring for her.

[georyz]

hi Triple5,

may i know how young is your gf as it seems to me that her family is of great influence in her decision in choosing between you and her Japan trip. does she knows about you having children before you met her in person? If she does then its not the reason for changing her mood over you unless shes still young and shes not prepared to be in that situation with the addition of the influence of her family's opinion on that matter. Better try to wake up a bit early to catch her online and then you can talk properly and sincerely.

A lot of things had been said here, both good and bad points. Maybe you can tell your gf that your coming in March if she can wait for you and see how she reacts. March is a good month to explore Davao as it is the founding anniversary of the City and enjoy the festivities together. Just be prepared for whatever the outcome of everything. Good Luck!

[triple5]

If she's going going there and stay with her auntie may be as a tourist and she can't work there In Japan its hard to get a tourist visa specially for filipinos working there

she's said her aunties been there 9 years, so it wouldn't be a problem, and sh'e be helping out in the aunts restaurant and looking after her son.


good luck i hope she knows that how lucky she is that there's a person like you caring for her.

Thank you :)


may i know how young is your gf as it seems to me that her family is of great influence in her decision in choosing between you and her Japan trip. does she knows about you having children before you met her in person?

She's just turned 23. And yes she knew all about my kids well before we even met and always insisted it would never be a problem.

A few people have mentioned it now, but I don't know about going out there. I think most people in my shoes would have their suspicions that there's somebody else involved here. I'm not prepared to go all that way just to find out for sure. That time and money would be better spent on meeting somebody new.

[flomike]

A few people have mentioned it now, but I don't know about going out there. I think most people in my shoes would have their suspicions that there's somebody else involved here. I'm not prepared to go all that way just to find out for sure. That time and money would be better spent on meeting somebody new.

Imo. she's still young may be she realized that she can't commit yet and being a step mum of your children scared her or may be her auntie promised something to her that she can't say NO..may be a rich Japanese lol:ARsurrender: ....who knows and only her knows what's going on.

i think that's the best way to move on and find someone new there's load of filipina out there (if you're still looking for pinay) sincere and worth your time and love. One thing for sure its not your lost its her lost...All the best

[Jay&Zobel]

ooooohhhhh...

YOUR STORY RINGS A BELL.... i know someone who is in the same boat as you are:

The girl would like to go some country as a tourist but the intention is to work. To earn money ang pay off their family's debt.

The bloke is an English, quite well-off and is so willing to offer all his life to that girl. Marry her and pay the debts, promising her good life... But the thing is their relationship is too new/fresh... So it was like, is their relationship only based on a gold rush? Or just pity? or just love?

But before even meeting the guy, this girl already pre-arranged with her family that she will leave the country to get a job & pay off the debts... Now, she met the guy and offering her LOADS of things...

She is in dilemma...
Family over Love (?) or is it love?
Work or Marry?
Their Original (Family) Decision working abroad or Go for the Gold?
Dignity or Promises?
Left or Right?
Better or the Best?


Hmmmmm...

I think until now, she can't decide...

But the bloke is so inlove with her... But the girl don't want to just settle with him just because...

[nidadonnachie@y]

u r not bieng paranoid. in my openion most of aall the answer here is right i do agree with mrs.jmajor coz,im a pilipina too married with scotish guy who is now in uk and just waiting for me to get there. b4 we have the same communication like u and ur gf i never miss to contact him while his still in uk,we always chat everyday i tx him everyday i even call him just to hear his voice makes me so happy,there is no exuses if u really wants to.but there is a lot of exuses of u dont want to. anyway goodluck to u hope taht u hear more reason from her y she act that way.

[D&G]

That time and money would be better spent on meeting somebody new.



Well, then, start to forget about her...u can't start looking for a new girl when she is still in your heart and mind.

[Mrs.JMajor]

. That time and money would be better spent on meeting somebody new.

:BouncyHappy::BouncyHappy::xxgrinning--00xx3: i can refer you one,she is member here on the forum

Are you Bald,Big Heart and Blue eyes ? :icon_lol::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[triple5]

haha, I don't think I'm lavander's type, I still have a full head of hair.

[lavander]

:BouncyHappy::BouncyHappy::xxgrinning--00xx3: i can refer you one,she is member here on the forum

Are you Bald,Big Heart and Blue eyes ? :icon_lol::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Ha ha ha ha....


:
haha, I don't think I'm lavander's type, I still have a full head of hair. :

:D :D :D

[Jay&Zobel]

ooooohhhhh...

YOUR STORY RINGS A BELL.... i know someone who is in the same boat as you are:

The girl would like to go some country as a tourist but the intention is to work. To earn money ang pay off their family's debt.

The bloke is an English, quite well-off and is so willing to offer all his life to that girl. Marry her and pay the debts, promising her good life... But the thing is their relationship is too new/fresh... So it was like, is their relationship only based on a gold rush? Or just pity? or just love?

But before even meeting the guy, this girl already pre-arranged with her family that she will leave the country to get a job & pay off the debts... Now, she met the guy and offering her LOADS of things...

She is in dilemma...
Family over Love (?) or is it love?
Work or Marry?
Their Original (Family) Decision working abroad or Go for the Gold?
Dignity or Promises?
Left or Right?
Better or the Best?


Hmmmmm...

I think until now, she can't decide...

But the bloke is so inlove with her... But the girl don't want to just settle with him just because...



ANyway guys, hehe can you please say anything regarding my post here? WHat do you think? I should have put this in another thread but was thinking the story was kind of similar with TRIPLE 5

[triple5]

Hi Zobel, I'm not sure if it's similar to my story or not. I mean your friend's dilemna seems to be a Work or Marry decision. I haven't made any promises of paying family debts or marriage, or even tried to talk her out of going to Japan. Like I said when we talked about it we were both excited about meeting up there.

[Mrs.JMajor]

haha, I don't think I'm lavander's type, I still have a full head of hair.

who knows :rolleyes: why not give a try :Erm:

[Jay&Zobel]

Hi Zobel, I'm not sure if it's similar to my story or not. I mean your friend's dilemna seems to be a Work or Marry decision. I haven't made any promises of paying family debts or marriage, or even tried to talk her out of going to Japan. Like I said when we talked about it we were both excited about meeting up there.


yeah... i know... she wasnt exactly my "friend friend" just some one i know...

thank you!

i pray all things will go well with you!

thank you...

[asiansmiler]

I have also in somewhat similar situation... My partner is in UK and we havent married or anything yet, but we are in this special relationship for almost a year now, turning one year this March, to be exact. Visited me thrice, went to a holiday trip to Indonesia together and when recession kicks in, his view about everything just changed. He stopped communicating from me for two months, rarely gets a phone call, which he used to call me daily. I am fully aware of his going through. The weather in the UK is miserable (cold), sorry that's how he calls it. He works in a big supermarket for longer hours, about 12-14 hours a day, makes him tired. he has health issues too. But I was wondering why things changed. I asked him, he said, life in the UK is way way too different from your life in Thailand. I am so wanting to make this relationship work... But I do not know where it is heading, at the moment, I have raised the idea of me coming to visit him to the UK this April, and he said yes. People change, people have issues, and sometimes people are complicated, and hard to understand. It is our call, each individual's call whether to continue or to move on...

[triple5]

Hi Asiansmiler, yes you're situation sounds very similar to mine, and I can understand your frustration. I'm sure, like me, you've played it over and over in your mind what could have changed. Like you say, sometimes people are complicated and not much you can do about that. I hope things work out the way you hope.

I'm going to make one last effort, one more email to see if I can finally get some answers. If I don't get a reply within a few days definitely time to move on.

[cheesewiz]

I'm going to make one last effort, one more email to see if I can finally get some answers. If I don't get a reply within a few days definitely time to move on.

there's a saying

Don't be afraid to give up
the good for the great

good luck and if nothing happen with your persitence just move on there's a thousands of filipinas out there waiting for you:omg::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

Hi Asiansmiler, yes you're situation sounds very similar to mine, and I can understand your frustration. I'm sure, like me, you've played it over and over in your mind what could have changed. Like you say, sometimes people are complicated and not much you can do about that. I hope things work out the way you hope.

I'm going to make one last effort, one more email to see if I can finally get some answers. If I don't get a reply within a few days definitely time to move on.

you need to know the truth, then one way or the other you can move on, any chance that you can contact her family/ friends and see if they can tell you whats going on, do you have any of their mobile number/email/facebook etc so you can contact them ?

or keep texting or emailing her til she breaks, asking what is the problem, and the least she can do is give you an explanation !

[LEAHnew]

you need to know the truth, then one way or the other you can move on, any chance that you can contact her family/ friends and see if they can tell you whats going on, do you have any of their mobile number/email/facebook etc so you can contact them ?

or keep texting or emailing her til she breaks, asking what is the problem, and the least she can do is give you an explanation !

:xxgrinning--00xx3: I agree to Joe you need to know tha truth and better explanation:)

As for having contacts to a family member is very important. When my fiance first visit here, he became friends to my brother and one of my cousin and got a chance to get their contacts:)
I had a lot of sulking moment :doh:Brick:
but when i'm in this mode he prefer to talk them rather than me:bigcry::doh:D:Rasp:

Goodluck triple5:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[fhara]

hi tripple5..
i agree of them..coz if she love you and interested on you,.. even how remote her place is she'll find way..coz thats what i do also when i lost my internet connection before im like cuckoo transfering from 1 internet cafe to another just to find nice network so that we can see eachother on cam and talk coz its different if its just a chat..and my family support it also,no one touches or borrow my phone coz they know that its very important to me coz they know that john will call me or txt me anytime and also john have all the numbers,my mom,dad,sister,brother and even my bestfriend...sounds crazy but it helps so that theres no reason he cant find me also...but i wish u all and u deserve to be happy..take care...

[asiansmiler]

I strongly believe that the bottom line here is that, do we really know the person we are chatting to? Have you met him/her in person? Sometimes, we are just simply driven by our emotions and we tend to fill in the void by answering questions that could really be answered by her, whether she tells you an honest answer or a total lie... you have your intuition about it, you feel it, it is not paranoia, i would say, maybe it is, but if you are in a relationship, you could easily smell the infusion of something is going wrong... you gotta ask her, if you are satisfied with her answer and trust her, then move forward together, if not, move on... there are plenty of fish, but sometimes, in a million, there is only one that can truly win our hearts, tough, but hey, life is beautiful... hang on in there! Be strong...

[fhara]

I strongly believe that the bottom line here is that, do we really know the person we are chatting to? Have you met him/her in person? Sometimes, we are just simply driven by our emotions and we tend to fill in the void by answering questions that could really be answered by her, whether she tells you an honest answer or a total lie... you have your intuition about it, you feel it, it is not paranoia, i would say, maybe it is, but if you are in a relationship, you could easily smell the infusion of something is going wrong... you gotta ask her, if you are satisfied with her answer and trust her, then move forward together, if not, move on... there are plenty of fish, but sometimes, in a million, there is only one that can truly win our hearts, tough, but hey, life is beautiful... hang on in there! Be strong...

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[triple5]

I got an email this morning.

She's apologised for the way she has been with me. Her reasons, she says, for not always answering me or coming online too much is that she worries about our future. She wants us to marry and settle down, but feels it may never happen, so to stop herself getting hurt in the future, and getting her hopes for nothing, she sometimes tries to distance herself from me emotionally.

She talked about how lonely she feels and how difficult she finds it being apart from somebody she loves, but no matter what she would always stay in touch.

I guess this stems from me dodging the "marriage" subject, and my commitments here in england. tbh, I was just over the moon to hear from her.

How much do these marriage thingys cost anyway? :D

[Sconnie]

How much do these marriage thingys cost anyway? :D

Your Life, heart and soul :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Seriously, pleased you have heard something positive.
Don't rush yet, take it easy, BUT GET YOURSELF OVER THERE :D:Rasp::BouncyHappy::cwm12::Cuckoo:

[triple5]

Thanks sconnie, will do.

[Sim11UK]

Glad to hear that...Keep smiling. :)
Can't remember how many times you've met, but a trip out there is the only way now. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[flomike]

I got an email this morning.

She's apologised for the way she has been with me. Her reasons, she says, for not always answering me or coming online too much is that she worries about our future. She wants us to marry and settle down, but feels it may never happen, so to stop herself getting hurt in the future, and getting her hopes for nothing, she sometimes tries to distance herself from me emotionally.

She talked about how lonely she feels and how difficult she finds it being apart from somebody she loves, but no matter what she would always stay in touch.

I guess this stems from me dodging the "marriage" subject, and my commitments here in england. tbh, I was just over the moon to hear from her.

How much do these marriage thingys cost anyway? :D

my parents said before i got married think a million times:omg:, im glad i didn't do that...i said YES right away and its the right decision i ever made.

wish you all the best and hope that you made the right decision too:rolleyes:

[Jay&Zobel]

I got an email this morning.

She's apologised for the way she has been with me. Her reasons, she says, for not always answering me or coming online too much is that she worries about our future. She wants us to marry and settle down, but feels it may never happen, so to stop herself getting hurt in the future, and getting her hopes for nothing, she sometimes tries to distance herself from me emotionally.

She talked about how lonely she feels and how difficult she finds it being apart from somebody she loves, but no matter what she would always stay in touch.

I guess this stems from me dodging the "marriage" subject, and my commitments here in england. tbh, I was just over the moon to hear from her.

How much do these marriage thingys cost anyway? :D




THIS IS THE COMPLETE LIST OF EVERYTHING!!! Posted by Moderator Pete in 2004

HEHEHE... U MIGHT WANT TO READ ALL THE THREADS!!! enjoy!


http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=152


think about the currnt echange rate too... £1=PhP65-69.00

[Belmontboy]

I went through some difficult times with Jessica when we first met. We met online in June 2005 and things were nice, and sweet, but then in November that year, she changed her friendster Status from "in a relationship" to "its complicated" and it felt like a knife in my heart. When I confronted her about it, she was very defensive and never gave me a straight answer...later, in Feb 2006 when I planned to visit her for the 1st time, she went cold on me just before and this hurt so much. She was short with me on the phone, but what hurt the most was the fact that she denied anything was wrong.....

After sending her e-mails, and using a bit of reverse psychology to make her feel as I was, she finaly confessed that she needed space, because she was getting hassle from her family about me, and was worried so much about what her papa would think, so it made her stressed and worried to the point that she didn't want to put all her hopes in the relationship.....understandable i suppose.

I still came out to see her that Feb, and things were ok, and she was more honest then, but when I came back home, it started again, she would go cold, act strange and when I demanded an explanation, all I ever got was "change topic, change topic" I knew something was up and that was the worst feeling in the world, the NOT knowing and wondering what was going on. I then told her I wanted some space, and then I stopped speaking to her for a while and boy, did that shake her up. She called me, and texted me saying how sorry she was and how she realised she'd been treating me so badly, she said she was so worried about our relationship lasting, that she put up a defense barrier to prevent herself getting hurt. I spoke to her VERY strongly about how important it is to be honest and this worked for a while, until she started acting wierd again. At that time, I went on a course for a week, and we were out of contact, and when I came back, there were e-mails and voicemails from her begging me to forgive her and how she really missed me. Of course, it gave me so many doubts, but, I chose to visit her again in July that year, and things were fine when we were together, but, all the doubts that she put in me were always there because of the way she had treated me. 2007 was better because she learned the importance of being honest and became much more forthcoming with her feelings, yes, we still argued lots, but, it didn't feel awkward like before, and felt "normal" like any other couple. This helped to heal the wounds from 2006 and the Fiance' visa we have applied for is to see if we really CAN be together. So, there were times when I doubted my girl, and times when I was so unsure, but I always gave her the chance and I'm giving her this 6 months to test once and for all that we are right for each other. In your case, you HAVE to follow your heart and do what your instinct tells you.

Hope this helps !

[triple5]

Thanks for sharing that belmontboy, it does help, as it does sound remarkably familiar. It makes me think if this is something we're going to go through every few months I probably won't have the patience for it. For somebody so young I'm a little baffled by her urgency to marry and settle down. She always said she wanted to be with the right guy and never go through a divorce, so it seems strange that she would seem so sure about me having only spent 2 weeks together.

I don't think you can really be certain about a relationship until you've lived together for at least a few months. Like you said, 6 months should be a good test.

Best of luck with it.


wish you all the best and hope that you made the right decision too

Thanks flomike :)

Thanks for the link, Zobel, that's a very helpful guide for getting a rough idea of costs.

[Eljohno]

For somebody so young I'm a little baffled by her urgency to marry and settle down.

Its common for young girls over there to want to settle down and get married as they can be made to feel like there is something wrong with them if they are not married by about 25, sad but true!!

[PeterB]

Perhaps, if we're not too busy with the arrival of our new baby, you would like to meet up during your visit to Davao?

[triple5]

Thanks Peter. I just pm'd you with my email add.

[Jay&Zobel]

Thanks for the link, Zobel, that's a very helpful guide for getting a rough idea of costs.

No PROBLEMO, GLAD TO BE OF SERVICE!!

[flomike]

.

Its common for young girls over there to want to settle down and get married as they can be made to feel like there is something wrong with them if they are not married by about 25, sad but true!!


I agree with you. When you reach 25 in the Phils no BF no husband most people think there's something wrong with you:NoNo: at 29 when i got married i know how it feels being a victim of gossips from our neighbours.

[rayofLight]

IF THERE'S A WILL THERE'S A WAY.....and if she is still interested with you..she will finds a ways.........so...i think its your time to move on.....
wow..how lucky that girl to found you....as what ived read here....your such a nice person...
i think most british men are good men...like my asawa......