ginapeterb
19th October 2004, 16:32
A Frequently asked question revolves around a sensitive area, the provision of "Sustento" what is this??
The Filipino Custom of “Sustento”
“Sustento” or translated, Sustenance can often be a source of conflict in Fil-West relationships, there have been numerous stories, too many to mention where “Sustento” has caused relationship problems.
Firstly what is “Sustento” ??
Sustento or Sustenance is a Filipino custom that is really hard for Western people to understand, this custom, of providing for ones family, especially elderly parents, siblings and other relatives, is a part of Filipino culture.
Many Westerners, mostly males, as they are the ones who generally come up against this custom, have enough trouble, making ends meet for their own lifestyles, such as mortgages, credit card debts, and high energy bills, and general living expenses, find little time for extending out their generosity when it comes to relatives or ageing parents, in some ways, this might bring Westerners to have a little shame, or guilt on the conscience, however little is done in the way of direct action.
What are examples of Sustento ?
The provision of educational fees for siblings.
The provision of living costs for parents, or immediate relatives
A Lump sum payment for a new house or shelter.
Philippine culture is quite the reverse, the prospect of a Filipino elder daughter married to a Western man, who is having a good life, one of which is successful, whilst her family is struggling and poor, does not show to those that are viewing from afar, that she is in fact successful.
In fact to many Filipino’s it actually shows the reverse, in fact there are those who would say, she is having a bad life, over their in the United States, Canada, or Western Europe.
It would appear that often in the Philippines where there is abject poverty, the Philippines economy relies very heavily on foreign currency receipts from overseas contract workers, and to a lesser extent from relatives who are married to foreigners, education has to be paid for, and it is often the job of the elderly child in a family to make provision for others, such as brothers, sisters, and elderly relatives, this could be money for education school fees, and general living expenses.
So how does this affect a Filipino eldest daughter of a family, who may be contemplating marriage to a foreigner, it affects her very much, it would be true to say, that she is unlikely to be happy in her marriage, if she is enjoying the fruits of a Western economy while her family are in poverty in the Philippines.
So much so, that she will almost certainly want to work in her new found country, even if her Western husband is against such a move, he would be wise to consider her cultural needs very seriously, if he does not want to encounter conflicts with his new bride.
Understanding that for a Filipino, her family are as important to her as is her marriage, and relationship with her husband, she cannot and will not be happy, unless they are taken care of, this may not amount to very much for a Western man, maybe a few thousand pesos per month in help, but it is everything to her.
So what is the best tip here, if you want to make a success of your marriage to a Filipino, make sure that provisions are made for her family, discuss the matters with her, and decide between you how best this can be done.
You will be amazed at how happy she will be, and also, dare I say it, be amazed at the love you will receive, if she can fulfil her obligations to her family, that she believes, are of paramount importance.
If she wants to get a job to achieve this, this would be a good move, as she can then physically attend to this, in the only way she knows how.
For a Western man, at first this may seem to be an obsession, it is only when you understand that this custom of Sustento, has been around for an awful long time, and your wife or fiancée may have received schooling and had this paid for by parents or other elderly siblings, who have had to go through more or less the same.
It is a general rule in Filipino households, that whoever has the chance of providing for the others, they must do it, there is no exception to this rule, it is accepted and expected.
There may be occasions, when a Filipino Tatay or Father, may be very against a marriage or relationship, if he thinks, that no provision is going to be made for the family, this is not to say, that Filipino families should be seen as “Gold diggers”, this is certainly not the case, although as I have always said, there are always exceptions to the rule, it is not a Filipino custom in decent families to ask for money directly.
If you do receive requests in a very early stage, for money, for broken roofs, etc, I have said in the past, its not a good sign, however if the relationship has gone on for some time, and you find it within your heart to extend some help, that is a good thing to do, it will certainly endear your future wife to you, as she is seen to be fulfilling her obligation, remembering of course, you are asking her to move from one side of the world to the other.
If she is prepared to do that, then perhaps some thought might be given by the Western fiancé/husband for helping with Sustento.
I hope that clears up this very valuable local custom, and if the advice above is taken, it will I’m sure lead to a very happy relationship.
Best of luck
The Filipino Custom of “Sustento”
“Sustento” or translated, Sustenance can often be a source of conflict in Fil-West relationships, there have been numerous stories, too many to mention where “Sustento” has caused relationship problems.
Firstly what is “Sustento” ??
Sustento or Sustenance is a Filipino custom that is really hard for Western people to understand, this custom, of providing for ones family, especially elderly parents, siblings and other relatives, is a part of Filipino culture.
Many Westerners, mostly males, as they are the ones who generally come up against this custom, have enough trouble, making ends meet for their own lifestyles, such as mortgages, credit card debts, and high energy bills, and general living expenses, find little time for extending out their generosity when it comes to relatives or ageing parents, in some ways, this might bring Westerners to have a little shame, or guilt on the conscience, however little is done in the way of direct action.
What are examples of Sustento ?
The provision of educational fees for siblings.
The provision of living costs for parents, or immediate relatives
A Lump sum payment for a new house or shelter.
Philippine culture is quite the reverse, the prospect of a Filipino elder daughter married to a Western man, who is having a good life, one of which is successful, whilst her family is struggling and poor, does not show to those that are viewing from afar, that she is in fact successful.
In fact to many Filipino’s it actually shows the reverse, in fact there are those who would say, she is having a bad life, over their in the United States, Canada, or Western Europe.
It would appear that often in the Philippines where there is abject poverty, the Philippines economy relies very heavily on foreign currency receipts from overseas contract workers, and to a lesser extent from relatives who are married to foreigners, education has to be paid for, and it is often the job of the elderly child in a family to make provision for others, such as brothers, sisters, and elderly relatives, this could be money for education school fees, and general living expenses.
So how does this affect a Filipino eldest daughter of a family, who may be contemplating marriage to a foreigner, it affects her very much, it would be true to say, that she is unlikely to be happy in her marriage, if she is enjoying the fruits of a Western economy while her family are in poverty in the Philippines.
So much so, that she will almost certainly want to work in her new found country, even if her Western husband is against such a move, he would be wise to consider her cultural needs very seriously, if he does not want to encounter conflicts with his new bride.
Understanding that for a Filipino, her family are as important to her as is her marriage, and relationship with her husband, she cannot and will not be happy, unless they are taken care of, this may not amount to very much for a Western man, maybe a few thousand pesos per month in help, but it is everything to her.
So what is the best tip here, if you want to make a success of your marriage to a Filipino, make sure that provisions are made for her family, discuss the matters with her, and decide between you how best this can be done.
You will be amazed at how happy she will be, and also, dare I say it, be amazed at the love you will receive, if she can fulfil her obligations to her family, that she believes, are of paramount importance.
If she wants to get a job to achieve this, this would be a good move, as she can then physically attend to this, in the only way she knows how.
For a Western man, at first this may seem to be an obsession, it is only when you understand that this custom of Sustento, has been around for an awful long time, and your wife or fiancée may have received schooling and had this paid for by parents or other elderly siblings, who have had to go through more or less the same.
It is a general rule in Filipino households, that whoever has the chance of providing for the others, they must do it, there is no exception to this rule, it is accepted and expected.
There may be occasions, when a Filipino Tatay or Father, may be very against a marriage or relationship, if he thinks, that no provision is going to be made for the family, this is not to say, that Filipino families should be seen as “Gold diggers”, this is certainly not the case, although as I have always said, there are always exceptions to the rule, it is not a Filipino custom in decent families to ask for money directly.
If you do receive requests in a very early stage, for money, for broken roofs, etc, I have said in the past, its not a good sign, however if the relationship has gone on for some time, and you find it within your heart to extend some help, that is a good thing to do, it will certainly endear your future wife to you, as she is seen to be fulfilling her obligation, remembering of course, you are asking her to move from one side of the world to the other.
If she is prepared to do that, then perhaps some thought might be given by the Western fiancé/husband for helping with Sustento.
I hope that clears up this very valuable local custom, and if the advice above is taken, it will I’m sure lead to a very happy relationship.
Best of luck