Advice please! [Archive] - Filipino UK Forum

Paulboy

29th January 2009, 00:54

Mrs.JMajor

29th January 2009, 01:04

For me,I don't like it either,if for example the woman that stop writing you as you said because you been honest to her,well i guess she feel hurt maybe the reason shes serious to you and it looks like you're just choosing the fresh fish from the market, hmmm but on the other hand ,you can be right, So you mean you're going to PI with no specific woman to meet????

bornatbirth

29th January 2009, 01:43

why are you writing letters to them use the internet and chat on yahoo etc??
there are many internet sites to use?

telling them your writing to many different girls is very nice and when you tell them all most will stop with you!
how will you like it if they did the same?

time to be honest and chat to one girl at a time or until you ger serious?

have a think about the girl you will like to meet and right down a list of everything you like in a girl and things to say and test them to see there reaction.

as soon as you find someone you like get out there and meet them!! dont keep them waiting they may get a better offer by someone else??

Mrs.JMajor

29th January 2009, 01:45

nice reply there bornabirth :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

reginacarlson

29th January 2009, 02:05

I think it's okay to correspond with more than one person at once. Internet dating means "online" relationship which cleary implies not having met someone yet, so therefore you are also not going out with them. But once you decide to date exclusively, then you should hold off emailing anyone else.

pennybarry

29th January 2009, 07:05

I am going to the Philippines in about 4 weeks - 25th feb. I booked the flight on an impulse [sod all work, manky weather,why not!] I am only writing to ladies recently, but I am hoping to meet several, and see how we get on once we meet in person, because I'm not sure how well you can get to know someone by letters, untill you meet up. However, I did mention to one lady that I was writing to others, and she has since stopped writing to me. I thought I was being honest, and not letting her build her hopes too soon.

My question is, should I not say anything to any of the other ones I'm writing to? [which feels a bit sneaky to me] I can understand that a woman would prefer someone was coming to see them only, but I'm not at that stage yet! I'm a novice at this internet dating!

Any thoughts or advice gratefully received!

Paul:doh

Why not? You better tell them as long as you don't mention to all of them the word I LOVE YOU:D.

I believed in COLLECT AND COLLECT AND THEN SELECT THE BEST as long as nothing happened at bed.:omg:

When I met my hubby I asked him how many women he met at website, and he also asked me the same. I answered him honestly. Then later on on, he said he thinks I'm the one he's looking. I feel the same and ask his password. He did and I didn't expect it:D

bornatbirth

29th January 2009, 12:24

Why not? You better tell them as long as you don't mention to all of them the word I LOVE YOU:D.

I believed in COLLECT AND COLLECT AND THEN SELECT THE BEST as long as nothing happened at bed.:omg:

When I met my hubby I asked him how many women he met at website, and he also asked me the same. I answered him honestly. Then later on on, he said he thinks I'm the one he's looking. I feel the same and ask his password. He did and I didn't expect it:D

why did you ask for is password?

i gave my wife my password and she closed my account:icon_lol:

but i never got hers :Erm:

Geraldine

29th January 2009, 13:11

Hi!

I think its fine...its just like dating several people until you have decided which one you really like. Those girls you are writing to are not your girlfriends yet anyway so make clear to them that they are not the only ones and still on a looking mode, if you know what I mean. But of course once you have settled for one then stick to her and no one else. I know some girls wouldnt like that but better to be honest.

:)

Paulboy

29th January 2009, 23:44

Thanks for your comments people - I don't know how to copy a paragraph of somebody's comment without copying the whole message.

bornatbirth, think you got the wrong end of the stick, I'm trying to be straight and honest about this. I booked the flight about a week ago on an impulse, then I wrote some letters, now I'm replying to them. I am seriously looking for a long term relationship, but in the less than 4 weeks left I'm not sure I can narrow it down to one so quickly, also i have'nt got as far as chatting on yahoo etc - emails are quite advanced for me! I'm also aware how sometimes people you are writing to on the internet can disappear, if that happened I would be largly wasting the trip, and 2 or 3 thousand pounds!

I'm also not sure how well you can know someone by letters only, I feel you need to meet them, and if you are meeting the one lady you've been writing to, and then you don't hit it off, the trip could be wasted.

Anyway, thanks for all the comments, I'm still not sure, but perhaps it'll become clearer in a couple of weeks:Cuckoo:

pennybarry

30th January 2009, 07:02

why did you ask for is password?

i gave my wife my password and she closed my account:icon_lol:

but i never got hers :Erm:

Just curious to know how many girls responded to him and he said I can close his account. I found 10 from Cebu and 1 from Russia:action-smiley-081:

Mrs.JMajor

30th January 2009, 09:53

Thanks for your comments people - I don't know how to copy a paragraph of somebody's comment without copying the whole message.
Anyway, thanks for all the comments, I'm still not sure, but perhaps it'll become clearer in a couple of weeks:Cuckoo:

Click the quote at the right side of the person you want to reply ,highlight the words you don't need and presto,you can reply on it,like what i did now to your post ,

Get ready for all the hugs and kisses from all the girl you will meet soon :Cuckoo:

faithgareth

31st January 2009, 04:56

That's why I believe that it's hard to find someone that you will have a sudden connection with....either through the net or personally...Paul, I think chatting or video call on Skype would do than just writing letters. And weigh out your feelings...You can tell who you want to talk more and spend time together...

kermit123

31st January 2009, 05:43

ye but he s been writeing to 50 of em lol (only joke ) lol

Sim11UK

31st January 2009, 15:50

somebody

31st January 2009, 17:20

I presume your writin emails or messages via some form of website?

Seriously anyone you plan to meet wheter up the road or half way round the world i think it would be better to get to know for your own sake.

Do you know the person/s actually exist?

Eljohno

31st January 2009, 20:46

I am going to the Philippines in about 4 weeks - 25th feb. I booked the flight on an impulse [sod all work, manky weather,why not!] I am only writing to ladies recently, but I am hoping to meet several, and see how we get on once we meet in person, because I'm not sure how well you can get to know someone by letters, untill you meet up. However, I did mention to one lady that I was writing to others, and she has since stopped writing to me. I thought I was being honest, and not letting her build her hopes too soon.

My question is, should I not say anything to any of the other ones I'm writing to? [which feels a bit sneaky to me] I can understand that a woman would prefer someone was coming to see them only, but I'm not at that stage yet! I'm a novice at this internet dating!

Any thoughts or advice gratefully received!

Paul:doh

Paul,

i hope you have done your homework on here about the Philippines and how easy it can be to part with money and allow some beautiful girls to take advantage of you..

I hope everything works out.

What part of the Philippines are you going to?

I use another forum sometimes with guys from mainly USA and some from the UK who live there and could help you out when you arrive if you need it..

I think its best not telling the other girls about each other.

sammy

1st February 2009, 00:15

I would tell the ladies that you need someone to show you around the area with no strings attatched, or go with no agenda and just smile and be friendly and you will soon get noticed. I met my gf while she was working in a shop and now we are due to get married 2 years later.CHILL OUT and enjoy the PHILIPPINES and all will fall into place.

pennybarry

1st February 2009, 09:49

PeterB

1st February 2009, 09:57

... part with money and allow some beautiful girls to take advantage of you.

Sounds good to me! :BouncyHappy:

ginapeterb

1st February 2009, 10:37

Where does this guy Paul think he is ? Tesco ? with his buy 1 get 2 free ?

It never ceases to amaze me just how some people view life, this Paul for example, writes letters to lots of different ladies, I can just see them hearing this one !

What does he think ladies of the Philippines are ? does he think they line up around the block because they are entering a singing and dancing contest ?

Does he think that if he tells them, Hey Baby, I am writing to lots of girls, just stand in line, and if your in with a chance, you will be informed by the judge that is of course me ?

Geeeeeeeze, Well Well Well, if a guy stays on FilipinoUK , he gets to see everything !

Rack em high and well em cheap, bring on the dancing girls, line em up, and I will take my pick, what a great way to find the love of your life in the Philippines.

I mean come on honestly, why didn't we all think of this idea, I should have wrote to lots of girls, tell em I am coming to Manila, get them to meet me at the Intercon, and it goes like this.

Local Advertisement

British foreigner coming to Manila, seeks young girls for audition.
Age range, 18-30
Looks - Must be petite, have black hair, Black eyes, no wrinkles, nice features.
Names - Must be named, Ning, Nong, Neng, Nang, peaches, Apples, Lovely, Daisy, JennyLous, Bing, Bong, Beng, Bang, Tin Tin, Lek Lek, My My, and any other door bell names.

PROCEDURE

All of those of you, who received a confirmation slip, you must report to the concierge at the Intercontinental hotel, Makati City, (Adjacent Glorietta 4) on your appointment slip.

9.30am - Jennlyn Mercado.

10.00am - Claudio Barreta.

10.30am Angel Padua..

11.00am Mariposa

11.30am Luningning

And so forth, each girl will be given 30 minutes to present herself, and bring your portfolio of glamour shots with you.

Then you will be asked to tell me what is your talent ?

I.e. Singing and Dancing.

Then you will perform your act, I will then choose a short list of those going forward to round 2.

I am sure, our beloved Filipino ladies will all jump at the chance of this, after all what is the prize ? a chance to go to foreigner land, a Spouse visa, and at the end of 3 years, a British Passport.

I bet they can't wait to line up for you Pal !

Writing to lots of girls and they got upset and stopped writing ? hmmmmmm whats wrong with them ?

Petes comment !

Disgraceful behaviour, get a life pal ! speed dating and the X factor, do not make good foundations for a happy married life with a beautiful Filipina

Filipino wives are not just any wives, don't start treating our women like commodities, or you will find few friends on this forum.

Ady

1st February 2009, 11:06

Seems disrespectful to me. I may have misread his original post, but reading between the lines, it seems that he cannot fully understand why one of the girls stopped writing to him! In fact, he is asking for advice on whether he should tell the other girls.

Of course, we don't know the nature of the correspondence, it could just be friendly. I wonder what would happen if Paul got keen on one of the girls and she replied "Oh, by the way, I am writing to another guy from America, so just to let you know.". How would Paul react in that situation?

LDRs are tough, very tough. You have to start on solid ground, with solid intentions. I wonder if Paul had some sort of scoring system for when he got out there.

Physical Apperance - Marks out of 10
Ironing skills - Marks out of 10
Cooking Abilities - Marks out of 10 etc

Well Paul, I am sorry mate, but God help the girl that is fortunate enough to get selected by you.

Jay&Zobel

1st February 2009, 17:21

definitely agree with Pete & Ady ...

Jay&Zobel

1st February 2009, 17:23

I'm not sure I would go out there, on the strength of a few letters.
However, some have said on here before, just meet someone when you go out there.

I think it is better, to establish a relationship to start with, by using cams.

Of course these are only my opinions & everyone is different, so good luck! to you. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

with me & jay... we were penpals for 6 years and got married on the 7th year...

with in those 6 yrs of correspondence:
we have exchange long hand written letters (the way i see it, it is more romantic to receiving handwritten ones than emails/chatting - becuase you get excited when you see Mr Post Man delivering a letter - the agony of waiting/ the thrills etc... lol)
cards made by us
exchange pictures (real ones- not online etc...)

but yeah, still depends with other people whichever you are comfortable doing...

the_ONE

1st February 2009, 18:30

It seems to me that people hoping to meet a long term partner from overseas have different strategies about how to do this succesfully. Some prefer to develop online 'relationships' on an exclusive basis before meeting for real as it were, others it seems prefer to meet potential partners at a much earlier stage after only a small amount of correspondence while still keeping some options open since they are not totally confident in their long-term compatibility with one individual after knowing a person for only a short-time. Whilst instinctivlely, most go for the former approach, I believe there are pros and cons to each of these. I agree, that telling a lady you are keeping your options open as it were is a bit foolish, but I think some of the responses here are ridiculous. Telling this guy to get a life is a bit rich when you obviously spent half an hour typing out some sarcastic diatribe nonsense against one particular post which didn't even mention half the things you were making assumptions about anyway. And I though sarcasm was the lowest form of wit. Well not on this forum, if you're the moderator anyway. Seriously, give out reasonable advise where it's due, or question the poster to elaborate on any details of their situation which you are unsure about, but please cut out the holier than thou attitudes and contemptuous sarcasm as it's really not called for.

Sim11UK

1st February 2009, 18:33

with me & jay... we were penpals for 6 years and got married on the 7th year...

with in those 6 yrs of correspondence:
we have exchange long hand written letters (the way i see it, it is more romantic to receiving handwritten ones than emails/chatting - becuase you get excited when you see Mr Post Man delivering a letter - the agony of waiting/ the thrills etc... lol)
cards made by us
exchange pictures (real ones- not online etc...)

but yeah, still depends with other people whichever you are comfortable doing...

Absolutely I agree with you, but he's writing to several people & only for a short time.
Somebody else could be writing the letters, how do you know? I hope I'm proved wrong.
In all honesty, the only way you can find out if you are a good match, is by meeting in person. :)

joebloggs

1st February 2009, 22:12

we have exchange long hand written letters (the way i see it, it is more romantic to receiving handwritten ones than emails/chatting - becuase you get excited when you see Mr Post Man delivering a letter - the agony of waiting/ the thrills etc... lol)

i'll say, i waited near 6 months for a letter from the misses, only for it to be returned back to her, nice of the PO to put on it, address unknown, as my misses missed one digit off the house number, but the rest of the address and post code was correct and it had my surname on it, and only 2 people in the uk have the same surname as me, me and my brother :doh

:action-smiley-081: to PO, but yes letters are good evidence :xxgrinning--00xx3:, we had letters dating back years :D

Jay&Zobel

1st February 2009, 23:39

:action-smiley-081: to PO, but yes letters are good evidence :xxgrinning--00xx3:, we had letters dating back years :D

yeah, and kids will be able to see how parents love grew... lol (just remembered reading my parents' love letters to each other when they were young lovers hehe) mushy but hey!

Paulboy

1st February 2009, 23:39

joebloggs

2nd February 2009, 00:24

somebody

2nd February 2009, 00:36

i don't see much wrong with chatting and writing to more than one woman as a friend, as long as your not leading them on, why not go and meet a few,, see who you do and dont get on with, thats what most people do in the real world, you dont goto a pub or club and marry the first gal you meet, maybe a few lucky ones do :rolleyes:

But do you chat up four or five women at a time? Some ladies and situations thats ok. But both need to understand the situation, if one of the party belive that its an exclusive relationship the other should respect that or pipe up and expect for the relationship to change.

My Wife is a modern young women but she would never dreamt of chating to more than one bloke at a time even if its fairly innocent. When we were chatting even after a short time she told me she hoped im not seeing ladies and that she was not. I guess it just depends on the people involved.

But you need to be upfront and treat all concerned with respect

somebody

2nd February 2009, 00:47

You're having a rant Peterb - try reading my question. It was a fairly simple one. Is it fair to tell one woman you are writing to that you are writing to others. Some of the assumptions are incredible. It does'nt exactly encourage you to look for more advice. I know, I'm a really bad guy, I'd like to find a wife. I thought this forum was for help and advice, not personal attacks. What's wrong, had a bad day?!!

Thanks to those who gave thoughtful replies and tried to help.

I think i see where pete is coming from you need to be careful your not leading astray ladies. If they think the two of you are an item and they are making scarfices you could badly hurt someone if you say after a lengthy time that your over to interview several candidates.

You may not think so but do make sure the ladies understand your still playing the field as such and keeping your options open.

Pete may have been harsh but hes saying make sure you treat the ladies as you would expect a bloke to treat your sister/ daughter.

The ladies meeting you may have invested a lot of time, effort and money and kept her self single. If they find out they are one of a list they could be truely devastated even feel shamed if they have told family and friends. Airmail, texts, internat cafe time, traveling to post a letter or go to internet cafe. costs a bigger percentage of many phills income than in the Uk.

Even twenty something ladies treat speaking and courting men very differently to westen women on the whole in my experience.

joebloggs

2nd February 2009, 01:16

But do you chat up four or five women at a time? Some ladies and situations thats ok. But both need to understand the situation, if one of the party belive that its an exclusive relationship the other should respect that or pipe up and expect for the relationship to change.

My Wife is a modern young women but she would never dreamt of chating to more than one bloke at a time even if its fairly innocent. When we were chatting even after a short time she told me she hoped im not seeing ladies and that she was not. I guess it just depends on the people involved.

But you need to be upfront and treat all concerned with respect

i use to chat to 100s of people thru icq over many years, only a few i considered friends, nothing more than friends, like the poster, i never actually meet any of them, so the only relationship was friendship, has the poster mentioned marriage or getting engaged to any of them??

over time, i made 2 really good friends my misses and a Chinese gal i had known b4 the misses, they both knew about each other, but that's because we were just friends.. even after me and the misses were married, i still chatted to her, as a good friend. i would be still now if i had not lost contact with her :doh

but your right he needs to treat them with respect :xxgrinning--00xx3:

PeterB

2nd February 2009, 07:14

You're having a rant Peterb - try reading my question.

Whoa! I posted one short and light-hearted comment to try to lift the mood. I'm not sure why I get singled out for this comment!

Anyway, I think that you do not understand the typical Filipina's attitude towards a 'relationship'.

Of course I had chatted online to more than one filipina, but never made any commitments to anyone but Ruby. I still discovered, later, that there were at least two others who had assumed that a relationship existed.

darren-b

2nd February 2009, 08:45

Whoa! I posted one short and light-hearted comment to try to lift the mood. I'm not sure why I get singled out for this comment!

I think it might be aimed at ginapeterb rather than you....

Paulboy

2nd February 2009, 09:55

Apologies Peterb - I was referring to GinaPeterb

somebody

2nd February 2009, 10:16

i use to chat to 100s of people thru icq over many years, only a few i considered friends, nothing more than friends, like the poster, i never actually meet any of them, so the only relationship was friendship, has the poster mentioned marriage or getting engaged to any of them??

over time, i made 2 really good friends my misses and a Chinese gal i had known b4 the misses, they both knew about each other, but that's because we were just friends.. even after me and the misses were married, i still chatted to her, as a good friend. i would be still now if i had not lost contact with her :doh

but your right he needs to treat them with respect :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Of course we all chat to people either in passing or as friends but was just trying to get across how we have to always bear in mind we treat people in the e world or postal world as would those in the real world.

As it has shown some found peters words harsh just as some people you contact may find it harsh if suddenly they read or hear certain things from you. Which to you may not seem important.

Phill ladies do tend from those I have met and read about to be romantic, very loyal and what we might call old world. Even young girls in our family in phil will talk about the boys they go out as if they are eventual going to marry them not as a casual fling. This is not a ultra religous or prim and proper family by any means.

I know many of the Wifes friends would at least not publicly mention they were chating to multiple men and planing to meet them. Maybe women in other parts of phill are different?

the_ONE

2nd February 2009, 11:41

Some more sensible responses here now.

Of course when looking for a partner in cyberspace I think everyone plays the field before focussing on one relationship which hopefully becomes a real realtionship. I think the longer you correspond with someone, the greater the assumption that it is an exclusive realtionship from both parties, even if neither of you explicitly mention it as such.

It is true, many ladies from overseas will have different perceptions of such a relationship than you may expect here, so you need to be careful that you are not unintentionally leading people on, but I don' think there are any 'rules' on how to create a successful relationship, I think you have to decide what will work best for you.

ps. Where's fatboy slim, has he gone into hiding?

mighty mouse

3rd February 2009, 04:30

I am going to the Philippines in about 4 weeks - 25th feb. I booked the flight on an impulse [sod all work, manky weather,why not!] I am only writing to ladies recently, but I am hoping to meet several, and see how we get on once we meet in person, because I'm not sure how well you can get to know someone by letters, untill you meet up. However, I did mention to one lady that I was writing to others, and she has since stopped writing to me. I thought I was being honest, and not letting her build her hopes too soon.

My question is, should I not say anything to any of the other ones I'm writing to? [which feels a bit sneaky to me] I can understand that a woman would prefer someone was coming to see them only, but I'm not at that stage yet! I'm a novice at this internet dating!

Any thoughts or advice gratefully received!

Paul:doh

Hi Paul,

in my personal perspective, I think being honest with her at where you are at and all is a good thing. It's just maybe this girl who stopped writing to you felt something special and was kinda expecting you are serious with her and she's the only one. And you divulging to her that she is not the only one who you are meeting here in Philippines is something she doesn't expect.

Maybe let's accept the fact that's the price to pay of being honest. Sometimes life just works that way, no matter how you try to do things you deem best and right, you just can't have everything you want, and can't have the best of both worlds, and you have to choose.

Good luck and enjoy your vacation!

aposhark

3rd February 2009, 05:34

.....Any thoughts or advice gratefully received!
Paul:doh

Hi Paul,
For me these things are simple.....

Do to others as you wish them to do to you :xxgrinning--00xx3:

bornatbirth

3rd February 2009, 10:32

Hi Paul,

in my personal perspective, I think being honest with her at where you are at and all is a good thing. It's just maybe this girl who stopped writing to you felt something special and was kinda expecting you are serious with her and she's the only one. And you divulging to her that she is not the only one who you are meeting here in Philippines is something she doesn't expect.

Maybe let's accept the fact that's the price to pay of being honest. Sometimes life just works that way, no matter how you try to do things you deem best and right, you just can't have everything you want, and can't have the best of both worlds, and you have to choose.

Good luck and enjoy your vacation!

:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Mrs.JMajor

3rd February 2009, 10:55

Hi Paul,

in my personal perspective, I think being honest with her at where you are at and all is a good thing. It's just maybe this girl who stopped writing to you felt something special and was kinda expecting you are serious with her and she's the only one. And you divulging to her that she is not the only one who you are meeting here in Philippines is something she doesn't expect.

Maybe let's accept the fact that's the price to pay of being honest. Sometimes life just works that way, no matter how you try to do things you deem best and right, you just can't have everything you want, and can't have the best of both worlds, and you have to choose.

Hey,can you introduce yourself to us,post 1 and so good and damn pretty on your avatar eh :rolleyes:

ladymar

7th February 2009, 14:55

I am going to the Philippines in about 4 weeks - 25th feb. I booked the flight on an impulse [sod all work, manky weather,why not!] I am only writing to ladies recently, but I am hoping to meet several, and see how we get on once we meet in person, because I'm not sure how well you can get to know someone by letters, untill you meet up. However, I did mention to one lady that I was writing to others, and she has since stopped writing to me. I thought I was being honest, and not letting her build her hopes too soon.

My question is, should I not say anything to any of the other ones I'm writing to? [which feels a bit sneaky to me] I can understand that a woman would prefer someone was coming to see them only, but I'm not at that stage yet! I'm a novice at this internet dating!

Any thoughts or advice gratefully received!

Paul:doh

Hi! Paul, it is good being honest and for that things you can see how she really wanted to see you or want to be with you. It is good to write other people you want too as long as you not say you are gf and bf as it mean for the woman you keep writing.... you know if you are writing to somebody you can say that you need to have time to sit in so that you can say what inside in your mind and heart... it is nice to hear words or to keep read of what she respond or you respond her... everything you can say on it too. Well, just happen when you don't know how to used chat or some site in here that you can easily communicate to each other or you have different time zone ...

Good for the woman coz you have patient to send them a letter and for me i will appreciate on it from you ...just do of what you think it is good for you and for the woman you want... know her better when you meet in person and then it is the time you decide who she is to be part in your life .... be happy and keep smile :)