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cheesewiz
2nd February 2009, 21:17
The Filipino Driver Survival Guide




When greeting a Filipino driver, slowly lower your window and be prepared to greet the driver with: “Tang namo, bobo”. However, if you have been already addressed by a fellow driver, reply with a joyful “Tang namo rin, gago”.

On Turn signals

If a driver in another lane turns on the turn signal, do not let him go into your lane. In fact, press the accelerator and start driving right next to him/her. The fellow driver will probably greet you and you already know what to do.


On Traffic Lights

These amusing artifacts hang from intersections for no apparent reason. Sometimes you will see drivers stop to see the colors change on these lights (a fascinating experience). Government officials (specifically police) believe that each color stands for an instruction for drivers to follow.

From pure observation I have determined the following instructions for each color: Yellow light: accelerate your car as much as possible.

Red light: this light gives permission to the next five to six cars to go through.

Green: reduce speed and wait for the five to six cars passing through their respective red lights.

Little-known-fact: Time to start honking your horn, as soon as the light turns green: 1.5 seconds.

On Changing Lanes

Changing lanes has been elevated to an art form in the Philippines. First of all, no matter what you do, never turn on your turn signal or otherwise you’ll stimulate the reaction described above. Second, swerve your car uncontrollably to the lane you want to change, preferably if you end up within inches of a car in that lane. At this point a greeting from the other driver may be in order. To perfect your change of lanes, reduce the speed of your car dramatically in a matter of seconds and you will see an action packed reaction from the car behind you.

On Traffic Jams

Traffic Jams are teeming with fun filled activities such as:

1. Honking your horn rhythmically.
2. Put on make-up (usually female drivers only)
3. Nose-pickers sightseeing. (not to be confused with people who scratch their brains through their nose)
4. Reduce speed to watch whatever is causing the traffic jam. Add excitement by trying to see if you know the parties involved. (note: every Filipino driver is obliged to do this)
5. Lose weight by sweating like a pig as a result of a lack of air conditioning.
6. Greet other drivers.
7. Practice lane changing.
8. Play the game: Let’s see how close I can get to you before rear-ending you.

On Pedestrians

These individuals are an annoyance to the Filipino driver. If you see pedestrians on your way, accelerate your car to let them know who’s the boss. If you are at an intersection, let the pedestrians know you want to proceed by accelerating your car and honking at the last possible moment.

On Social Situations

Bumping into a friend while driving (not to be taken literally) is a joyful occasion. Drivers should reduce speed and stop their cars in the middle of the street and chit chat. What about other drivers? Well, they can wait.

On Highway Driving

Bottleneck Formation: To accomplish this type of driving, cars must block all lanes by driving at the same speed and side by side (to avoid other cars to pass). It is important to drive at a speed at least 20 mph below the speed limit.

The Three-Lane-Change : This movement requires a lot of precision and creativity. It should be done around the highest number of cars possible and in a matter of seconds to create what others may refer to as widespread panic.

aromulus
3rd February 2009, 09:05
For an awful moment I thought I was in Spain........:omg:

smiler78
3rd February 2009, 09:26
:BouncyHappy:All so true, you forgot about driving on the pavement when the roads come to a total stop or playing chicken with on coming traffic seems to be another adrenalin fuelled extreme sport there!!!

bornatbirth
3rd February 2009, 10:30
over taking on blind bends?

over taking on corners?

even into on coming traffic.

it wasnt for driving so slow the death rate will be far higher?

kimmi
3rd February 2009, 11:44
very true, Cheezwhiz..:xxgrinning--00xx3:

kermit123
3rd February 2009, 11:46
dont forget changeing a wheel any where in road i mean anywhere fast lane slow lane in middle of corner blind bend .and you allways get a stick just before to warn you lol. and when someone gets killed in road thay put a rock and bunch of flowers in road lol (arrrrrrr when you hit blind corner a rock and flowers in bloody road lol)dont forget at night thay think if thay dont use lights it saves the battreys life pmsl, so you ll be over takeing at night and you ll get loads triks and bikes with out lights and no lamp posts . and maybe one light working so you think it a bike it might be a 60 ton truck lol neally hit 3 so far so lucky lol.and army cheak points you have to turn your lights of befor you get to one then put your inside light on but the half mile before cheack point you might hit anythink gaz/maybel

PeterB
3rd February 2009, 17:03
Many of those that do have lights mess with the colours! One of the silliest is putting red lights on the front ... You pull out to overtake, knowing that it is safe because the only light you can see ahead is a red light ... then it slowly dawns that the red light is coming towards you!

aromulus
4th February 2009, 09:07
Many of those that do have lights mess with the colours! One of the silliest is putting red lights on the front ... You pull out to overtake, knowing that it is safe because the only light you can see ahead is a red light ... then it slowly dawns that the red light is coming towards you!


I will be getting one of those to drive around Cebu next time......:xxgrinning--00xx3:

bornatbirth
4th February 2009, 10:52
your license or wallet wont last very long when the crocodiles will see you coming in that?

driving out the mall of asia we was stopped at the lights to turn right behind a coach,as the lights turned green the coach pulled away and i followed as soon as i got round the corner these dipsticks in orange are waving me over...:NoNo: i guess being foreign is all the reason they need.

just the night before we had some others waving us over too :action-smiley-081:

but i never stopped for both :icon_lol:

i dont mind paying a fine but giving my money away to them because im foreign and i look like i spare cash for them they can stick it here :action-smiley-081:

btw i escaped both times but i dont recommend it and dont except responsibility if after reading this you try the same!