splitting up

[jocelyn77]

Hi everyone

My husband and I decided to split up because we both can't handle each other anymore. We met in england and got married here in the Philippines. I gave birth in England and overstayed for months then we decided to settle down here. But because he couldnt get a good paying job here, he decided to work on on a ship abroad. We got all our things from England shipped over here. But its been months now that we argue a lot so its only recently we decided to split up. I'm worried for my child that I wont be able to give a good future. I'm on my 30s and finding it difficult to get a job here and my husband is on about sending me US$300 a month for our child. I dont think that's fair. I'm thinking of goin back to England with our child but he wont commit on helping me with the papers. So now, I am so not sure what to do. Please advice me what I need to do.

[pennybarry]

Hi everyone

My husband and I decided to split up because we both can't handle each other anymore. We met in england and got married here in the Philippines. I gave birth in England and overstayed for months then we decided to settle down here. But because he couldnt get a good paying job here, he decided to work on on a ship abroad. We got all our things from England shipped over here. But its been months now that we argue a lot so its only recently we decided to split up. I'm worried for my child that I wont be able to give a good future. I'm on my 30s and finding it difficult to get a job here and my husband is on about sending me US$300 a month for our child. I dont think that's fair. I'm thinking of goin back to England with our child but he wont commit on helping me with the papers. So now, I am so not sure what to do. Please advice me what I need to do.


Sorry to hear about your situation. We really need our hubby's assistance financially and with all your paperworks. If you are married and got your British Citizenship, the gov't will help deduct child support which is bigger than what u r receiving right now. Going back to England I think will not actually help you if your intention is to find a job. I wish you could still sort the issues to avoid arguments and try to understand your hubby's situation. Be patience and be submissive to him. Once you sorted this, it will be easy for you to proceed the next plan.

Cheer up! Do all the best to win his heart back.

[darren-b]

Hi everyone

My husband and I decided to split up because we both can't handle each other anymore. We met in england and got married here in the Philippines. I gave birth in England and overstayed for months then we decided to settle down here. But because he couldnt get a good paying job here, he decided to work on on a ship abroad. We got all our things from England shipped over here. But its been months now that we argue a lot so its only recently we decided to split up. I'm worried for my child that I wont be able to give a good future. I'm on my 30s and finding it difficult to get a job here and my husband is on about sending me US$300 a month for our child. I dont think that's fair. I'm thinking of goin back to England with our child but he wont commit on helping me with the papers. So now, I am so not sure what to do. Please advice me what I need to do.

Not only would he have to support you with your original application (and commit a criminal offence), you would have to provide evidence that you were still together in 2 years time when you have to apply for your next visa (ILR or it's replacement). And if you didn't find a job or if he didn't send you additional money you are going to have problems anyway as you are not entitled to any benefits in the UK (don't think you can even claim child benefit, though your husband could).

[jocelyn77]

Not only would he have to support you with your original application (and commit a criminal offence), you would have to provide evidence that you were still together in 2 years time when you have to apply for your next visa (ILR or it's replacement). And if you didn't find a job or if he didn't send you additional money you are going to have problems anyway as you are not entitled to any benefits in the UK (don't think you can even claim child benefit, though your husband could).


We have been together since 2004 and got married 2006 here in the Philippines. I have proofs that we are together all these times and he's still sending me money every month. I want my child to go back to England as I know she will have better life there than here, and as her mum I need to be there for her. Please let me know if there is ANY chance for me and my child to together in England without help from my husband. All i know is that my child is eligible for British Passport and I am not but because I am her mother, its only right that I am always where my child is (human right). What do u mean by criminal offense darren? I was on tourist visa when I went to England and we are legally married here in the Philippines.

[DaveyWallis]

What do u mean by criminal offense darren?

What Darren means is that a condition of the Spouse Visa is that you have to intend to live together permanently - which you don't. Therefore your husband would be giving false information on your application - a criminal offence.

To my knowledge there is no chance of you being allowed into the UK on the basis that your child is eligible for a British passport.


All i know is that my child is eligible for British Passport and I am not but because I am her mother, its only right that I am always where my child is (human right).

Again, to my knowledge there is no Human Rights legislation that states that you have a right to be with your daughter. You have no more right than your husband does.


If you are married and got your British Citizenship, the gov't will help deduct child support which is bigger than what u r receiving right now.

Speculative and potentially dangerous advice!! As any CSA assessment would be based upon the father's net income the figure could be far less than US$300.


My husband is on about sending me US$300 a month for our child. I dont think that's fair.

US$300 is about 15,000PHP - a lot more than many families live on in the Philippines.

Your husband has left his life in the UK to be with you, he has struggled to find a job, he's had to take work on a ship to support you. And you think he's not being fair?!?!?!?

[David House]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I am no expert in these matters but I recommend that you try to deal with things as factually and unemotionally as possible. It is going to be so much easier if you and your husband can work together on a solution, even if you agree to part at the end of it. You cannot yet possess a British passport and you need to remain married and at least theoretically living together in the UK for an extended time before there is any chance of receiving one. Therefore you need to persuade your husband to re-think about helping you and also agree to change your minds about "splitting, at least for the time being. After all, if he is on a ship, you are not actually going to see each other very much! If you can honestly do that together then you need to apply for a Spouse visa. What is required is detailed elsewhere but it will not be straightforward and will again take some co-operation and a lot of preparation. The biggest problem is that you were an overstayer, which often means that visas are refused. You will have to do a lot of explaining. If you do get the visa then there will be a period when you will not have any access to public funds, although that should not apply to your child. Again you need to be working together on this.
There is absolutely no certainty in this and my instinct is that you are going to have some very big problems. I hope others can offer a more positive outlook.

[jocelyn77]

Thank you david. I really appreciate that. ..honestly

[jocelyn77]

Hi Andy and Grasya

The last time I checked my resources, please correct me if I'm wrong, my child has the right to be in Britain because her father is British and her parents are legally married. And all I'm saying is i know she is going to have a better life in England than here that's why I want her to be in England. But she cant be on her own. Her dad cant go back cuz of his huge debt he had for years(very first reason why he left the country).

Her father married me but a few months after cheated on me for someone he met on the ship. In fairness to him, he admitted his mistake and apologised..promised not to do it again so we tried the relationship to work but a year after he cheated again. So now we decided to split up. I said $300 is not fair for my child cuz I know for a fact that she deserves better than that. Also, I had a career abroad when I met him but he decided to settle down here and told me I didnt have to work. I think that's being supportive and submissive but the cheating bit is not.

I'm here cuz I need some info and advice what to do ..not judgement.

Thank you for your help.

[cheesewiz]

Hi Andy and Grasya

The last time I checked my resources, please correct me if I'm wrong, my child has the right to be in Britain because her father is British and her parents are legally married. And all I'm saying is i know she is going to have a better life in England than here that's why I want her to be in England. But she cant be on her own. Her dad cant go back cuz of his huge debt he had for years(very first reason why he left the country).

Her father married me but a few months after cheated on me for someone he met on the ship. In fairness to him, he admitted his mistake and apologised..promised not to do it again so we tried the relationship to work but a year after he cheated again. So now we decided to split up. I said $300 is not fair for my child cuz I know for a fact that she deserves better than that. Also, I had a career abroad when I met him but he decided to settle down here and told me I didnt have to work. I think that's being supportive and submissive but the cheating bit is not.

I'm here cuz I need some info and advice what to do ..not judgement.

Thank you for your help.

you might be right that your child has the right to be here in UK as a child of a British citizen and I don't see any problem with that. The main problem I see is YOU not your child, I mean how can you get here without your husband's help and support. For sure you know that you need loads of supporting docs to get a spouse visa. Another thing is just incase you are here how can you support your child or how can you work? Child benifit alone is not enough (£90/month?:Erm:) then you are not entitled to any public fund till you have an ILR.

Of course my sympathy is with you I know its hard to be on your shoes right now:( I hope you can find a way to ease your burden right now. All the best

[jocelyn77]

you might be right that your child has the right to be here in UK as a child of a British citizen and I don't see any problem with that. The main problem I see is YOU not your child, I mean how can you get here without your husband's help and support. For sure you know that you need loads of supporting docs to get a spouse visa. Another thing is just incase you are here how can you support your child or how can you work? Child benifit alone is not enough (£90/month?:Erm:) then you are not entitled to any public fund till you have an ILR.

Of course my sympathy is with you I know its hard to be on your shoes right now:( I hope you can find a way to ease your burden right now. All the best

Thanks cheesewiz. I know that my child have no problem and its me who have the big problem. I intend to work so I can support my child (actually started looking for a job now here but surely not gonna be paid that much). I am considering david house's advice and swallow my pride hoping he would consider as well as its for our child's life anyway.

Also, my mother-in-law is ever so nice to me and once mentioned we can stay at hers if we decide to go back to england, I wonder if she can help me and become a sponsor/support my application..

[pennybarry]

Hi Andy and Grasya

The last time I checked my resources, please correct me if I'm wrong, my child has the right to be in Britain because her father is British and her parents are legally married. And all I'm saying is i know she is going to have a better life in England than here that's why I want her to be in England. But she cant be on her own. Her dad cant go back cuz of his huge debt he had for years(very first reason why he left the country).

Her father married me but a few months after cheated on me for someone he met on the ship. In fairness to him, he admitted his mistake and apologised..promised not to do it again so we tried the relationship to work but a year after he cheated again. So now we decided to split up. I said $300 is not fair for my child cuz I know for a fact that she deserves better than that. Also, I had a career abroad when I met him but he decided to settle down here and told me I didnt have to work. I think that's being supportive and submissive but the cheating bit is not.

I'm here cuz I need some info and advice what to do ..not judgement.

Thank you for your help.

You're absolutely correct, I know how u feel if other people judge us. :doh
The child support I have mentioned is based on my friend son who can get better than what u r son receiving. But then, please try to be calm. Patience is virtue.

Goodluck and cheer up!

[somebody]

Hi Andy and Grasya

The last time I checked my resources, please correct me if I'm wrong, my child has the right to be in Britain because her father is British and her parents are legally married. And all I'm saying is i know she is going to have a better life in England than here that's why I want her to be in England. But she cant be on her own. Her dad cant go back cuz of his huge debt he had for years(very first reason why he left the country).

Her father married me but a few months after cheated on me for someone he met on the ship. In fairness to him, he admitted his mistake and apologised..promised not to do it again so we tried the relationship to work but a year after he cheated again. So now we decided to split up. I said $300 is not fair for my child cuz I know for a fact that she deserves better than that. Also, I had a career abroad when I met him but he decided to settle down here and told me I didnt have to work. I think that's being supportive and submissive but the cheating bit is not.

I'm here cuz I need some info and advice what to do ..not judgement.

Thank you for your help.

I think your find he was trying to help you.

Just because you read parts that dont help you do what you desire. Doesn't mean the person is not trying to help.

[jocelyn77]

I think your find he was trying to help you.

Just because you read parts that dont help you do what you desire. Doesn't mean the person is not trying to help.

with all due respect sir I did thank him/her for the help...my comment on me being here for info and advice and not for judgment, is a result of the matter of questioning what I think my child rightfully deserves. I'm a mother and i do believe my child deserves only the best. If a parent knows he or she can give his or her child something better, I'm sure that parent is not going to settle for less.

I appreciate your concern sir. Thank you so much.

[jocelyn77]

You're absolutely correct, I know how u feel if other people judge us. :doh
The child support I have mentioned is based on my friend son who can get better than what u r son receiving. But then, please try to be calm. Patience is virtue.

Goodluck and cheer up!

thanks pennybarry...i'm gonna be a single parent in the near future with how things are goin and I need to start somewhere. I cant afford to sit down and cry all my life just because i can't please everybody after been cheated by my husband. I have a child to take care of and that's more important to me more than anything else :)

[somebody]

Well this may sound harsh have you not considered allowing your child to be adopted by your spouses family so they grow up in the Uk?

From what I read you dont wish to remain married to your Spouse who from what you say cant live in the UK due to Debt issues. So I cant see how you can live in the Uk yourself unless you get a Job there.

I dont know if its possible to do and if you would wish to do it but just another route you might consider.

[PeterB]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.


All i know is that my child is eligible for British Passport and I am not but because I am her mother, its only right that I am always where my child is (human right).

If such a right does exist, the British authorities are likely to advise you that you're perfectly entitled to exercise that right ..... in the Philippines. The fact that your child is entitled to a British passport does not mean that s/he has to live in the UK.

Also, you have mentioned your husband's debts. This may well be a problem if seeking to obtain a spouse visa.

[jocelyn77]

Thank you for your replies. i am aware of the problem i have with my intention of going back to England but it's the only option I can think of so I can work and get paid properly to support my child, be with my child and for my child to have what she is rightfully entitled for. If that option is not possible then I will have to work abroad(obviously not in England) and be away from my child til I save enough money to start a business here or if given a better option might as well bring my child to wherever that country will be. But I have never thought of or never and will never ever consider the option of giving up my child for adoption. I'm going through a very difficult time but I believe, things will be ok for me and my child.

[darren-b]

Thank you for your replies. i am aware of the problem i have with my intention of going back to England but it's the only option I can think of so I can work and get paid properly to support my child, be with my child and for my child to have what she is rightfully entitled for. If that option is not possible then I will have to work abroad(obviously not in England) and be away from my child til I save enough money to start a business here or if given a better option might as well bring my child to wherever that country will be. But I have never thought of or never and will never ever consider the option of giving up my child for adoption. I'm going through a very difficult time but I believe, things will be ok for me and my child.

Basically you need to forget about the trying to use your child to get to England so that you can work, it just isn't an option. There are only two ways you can get to England and legally work - with your husband (which doesn't appear to be an option) or if you can get a work permit (or maybe student visa) in your own right.

[jocelyn77]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.



If such a right does exist, the British authorities are likely to advise you that you're perfectly entitled to exercise that right ..... in the Philippines. The fact that your child is entitled to a British passport does not mean that s/he has to live in the UK.

Also, you have mentioned your husband's debts. This may well be a problem if seeking to obtain a spouse visa.

thank you for a straight forward reply darren although the side comment trying to use my child is inappropriate and offensive. Like I said, I'm considering other countries and start teaching again.

[bornatbirth]

can i ask when you discussed how you both support your baby,how did you arrive at the $300? surely he should give you a home and money too?

the other replys to you have already stated you have no grounds for a visa in the uk,your baby does strangly enough?

[jocelyn77]

can i ask when you discussed how you both support your baby,how did you arrive at the $300? surely he should give you a home and money too?

the other replys to you have already stated you have no grounds for a visa in the uk,your baby does strangly enough?

i understand that my chances of going back to england is next to 0% so probably let go of the idea. we're renting a house for 10,000 pesos/month , bills monthly adds up to usually a total of 7000. he used to send me $500 to spend for a month. i havent worked for 3 years now and with age on the way when applying for a job here, its not so easy for me to get one. right now, i'm just so confused.

[Piamed]

Hi Jocelyn

It's an unfortunate situation for all concerned, i'm sure. It does appear as though you yourself will not be able to come to the UK. The truth as i'm sure you know already, is that none of us can do everyting we would like to do for what ever reason. Thus, we have to make choices.

It would appear that if you want your child to have a better circumstances than she currently has, you may have to allow your child to be raised here by your in-laws, if possible. If not, perhaps as you suggest, you may have to try to work abroad if you cannot generate enough cash where you are currently. The other alternative of course is to remarry.

It's unfortunate that we cannot help further. I do pray for all of you that you can perhaps get together and make good choices for you all and the baby in particular. It's never too late to talk and noone is perfect. God bless you all.

[pennybarry]

thank you for a straight forward reply darren although the side comment trying to use my child is inappropriate and offensive. Like I said, I'm considering other countries and start teaching again.

You can try to consider NZ as alternative country. Try to visit their website and see their points system for applying immigrant/work visa. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

You pay rent of 10K? :omg: I am paying 6000+ monthly amort. of 2BR close to Tagaytay but at the end of the day, it will mine. You may also consider to move to other place to find better teaching job, and pay less rent. These will help you in your savings. We have 5:cwm24: teachers in our family, and some of them do part time english tutorials for Korean students studying at AUP. Some teachers can make good money in some reputable schools in the Philippines too. So please consider our country too:D


Goodluck! God Bless!

[Eljohno]

Surely there is a way on this forum to give this girl advice without being so rude?

Sorry to hear what you are going through and hope you get the answers you are looking!!

[joebloggs]

not much you can do, if your mother in law could help, and you might not like or want to risk what you will need to do, there is a something called 'Right of Access to A Child rule', which is complex and it would not be easy, and may not be possible in your case, and this rule could be scrapped soon.


http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/policyandlaw/immigrationlaw/immigrationrules/part7/

seek legal advice thou, but you may find many solicitors/lawyers don't know about this rule..

but maybe it would be better if you and your hubby, maybe his mother could persuade him to help you and his daughter stay in the uk, maybe using this rule.

good luck :rolleyes:

[darren-b]

not much you can do, if your mother in law could help, and you might not like or want to risk what you will need to do, there is a something called 'Right of Access to A Child rule', which is complex and it would not be easy, and may not be possible in your case, and this rule could be scrapped soon.


http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/policyandlaw/immigrationlaw/immigrationrules/part7/

seek legal advice thou, but you may find many solicitors/lawyers don't know about this rule..

but maybe it would be better if you and your hubby, maybe his mother could persuade him to help you and his daughter stay in the uk, maybe using this rule.

good luck :rolleyes:

Would have to be done very carefully, otherwise would be heading down the path of trying to obtain a visa through deception which would be a 10 year ban.

[joebloggs]

Would have to be done very carefully, otherwise would be heading down the path of trying to obtain a visa through deception which would be a 10 year ban.

:NoNo: oh i don't mean do anything illegal, i'm not suggesting that, i was still talking about the right to access the child, it would be easier if he would go along with it :rolleyes:. also the child as a British citizen has a right to live in any country in Europe and the mother would have a right to apply to live with the child as a family member, but I don't know how a child could sponsor or exercise their treaty rights :doh, but maybe there is away around this :Erm:

need a good immigration lawyer :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[flomike]

thank you for a straight forward reply darren although the side comment trying to use my child is inappropriate and offensive. Like I said, I'm considering other countries and start teaching again.

Like the other member here said that why not try to make friends with your husband then talk about the possibilites that you and your child can go to UK with the help of his family, if it is possible. If not possible for sure there's always a way to make a living in the Phils (Phils is not really a hopeless place to live) as long as you want to live a simple life. And as long as your husband is supporting you and the child that's the most important thing IMO.

Try to find work for a moment even in a call center atleast it will keep you busy and it helps generate some extra income aside from your husband's financial support. Good luck

[ginapeterb]

Hello Joceyln my name is Pete, I have been following this thread and your story with interest, and it appears your relationship has broken down, whilst you are living in the Philippines with your husband.

If I am correct, yo are not divorced, but technically separated because your husband now has gone to work in the merchant shipping fleet.

When you lived in the UK, you said you overstayed on your tourist visa, and then you both returned to live in the Philippines and got a local marriage certificate on NSO contract or similar.

As you met on a tourist visa, did you know your husband before you came to UK on the tourist visa ? you state your husband had to move you to Philippines because he has built up significant financial debt in the UK and has done the proverbial runner routine to avoid his creditors.

Am I correct so far ?

So now you are resident in the Philippines, you allege he has committed adultery with someone else on board his ship, which you allege he has now admitted to, and a second occasion, first, your daughter how did she come to the Philippines, you say your daughter is entitled to a British passport, was the child born in Philippines, and at the time, did you and your husband not go to the British Embassy to register your child as a British citizen, even if not having obtained a passport.

Because it seems to me, thats not clear here, secondly, to help you, I think you need for a moment to step back and take stock of your situation before proceeding down on any impulsive quests to enter the UK, sadly as might have been mentioned here by others on the forum, the Human Rights Act does not have any jurisdiction over UK Border and Immigration, because the UK decided to have a red line on that legislation and has for rather obvious reasons opted out of that part of the European Human rights act.

And secondly, which has already been pointed out to you, the right to British Citizenship through the Father's line can obviously be established easily, but the right to live and reside in the UK has no relationship with citizenship.

For example, there are British overseas protected persons, and British overseas Citizens, and many British passport holders around the world, don't necessarily have the right to live and work in the United Kingdom.

Your predicament is quite sad, because when you lived in the UK you met your husband on a tourist visa, but at the time, it appears your husbands actions were ill advised in that he did not insist you return home to the Philippines to apply for entry to the UK in the proper manner, many do this, and find to their detriment that in the future it makes like very hard for them.

As you had overstayed, and you do not indicate unless I have missed it, how long you overstayed, this would bear down heavily on any future application to return to the UK.

Your husband for whatever reason, i.e. financial, has obviously burned his bridges in the UK and does not feel able to come back and make a life for you, and the Philippines has little if any jurisdiction to force a child support order on someone who does not even reside here in the UK any longer, and in any event, your husband may loose the right to any benefits from the DSS if he remains out of the country for a long period.

I think people on the forum are trying to give you their best advices, and sometimes it may be that it comes over that they are being harsh, but i am sure they don't want to be harsh on your case, especially as it appears that much of this is through bad actions of your husband, (Although as a precaution we have your word only to support this), and the predicament he has left you in, and the whole thing appears to be no fault of your own.

Your right to enter the UK as the wife of a British citizen must be on the basis of settlement with someone who is presently settled and living in the United Kingdom, clearly from what you have told us, your husband does not qualify as that person, hence invalidating any chance of you being given entry clearance.

The only way I can see you obtaining UK Entry clearance is on the grounds of compassionate circumstances, and for this, my best advice, is that you should visit the British Embassy in the Philippines and try and put your case to them, again, to apply for any visa's these days is a costly experience, and I am sure your husband will not want to pay, however, what I would say at this point, is the USD 300.00 you are receiving might as some have said, be a fair and token gesture, since in reality there is no chance you could enforce any more than that, and in any event, if you were in UK as a colleague here on the forum has said, you might find if he had no job, you wouldn't get any at all.

Your husband seems to be fulfilling his commitment to your daughter and sending you some money, around P15,000 is quite generous in one respect, you may not feel its enough, and that your daughter is entitled to more, but you won't find many listening ears if you try to take this further, as you have no official body to distrain upon to get any more.

I also fear should you approach the British authorities, they might simply say, that you do not have to live in the UK, and that you can live in the Philippines, and that your husband should provide you with financial support, and that you should take up the matter with him.

I am not saying they will say that, I am merely reading between the lines and knowing my governments embassies overseas especially the British Embassy Manila, I rather fancy that's what they will say.

There is not much good news is there !, I cannot really think of anything else you could do, such is life, if only some of these guys like your husband would do things the right way, you would not be in this situation, and please don't feel people here are unfeeling, sometimes they get irritated because they themselves have had to jump through many hoops and hurdles to get their wives and fiancee's into UK.

Best wishes for you and your daughter.