Understanding the British (Your Tips Please!)

[archetype]

Dear Everyone:

As you will all see - I am a newbie here and I would very much appreciate all your help.

I have just gotten into a relationship with a wonderful man, and it seems to be going very well. He and I are both professionals in our fields and I think we are both used to working and mingling with other cultures. While he and I have known each other for quite awhile as friends, now that we are in a relationship, we are discovering that there are much more to learn about each other, our unique traits that stems from our respective cultures. As much as I am enjoying discovering more about him, I would also appreciate some input from everyone on this. Things like the british humour, perspective on relationships, family, etc.

Second, my family has already met him and they like him. My family is very close and we have our own careers (that have brought us to different parts of the globe) and are used to being around "foreigners" so I don't think they thought much about me having a "foreigner" boyfriend. Now the boyfriend has been asking me to travel to the UK (we live elsewhere) to visit his family so that I could formally be introduced to them. I know for a fact that he is very VERY close to his parents and although I have met his dad before (long before we were dating), I have yet to meet his mother. I do want to make a good impression and I want very much for them to like me. So make a long story short - I would really like to get some tips on how to get along (and perhaps even impress) the prospective in-laws!

Thanks very much for reading this and again I'd really appreciate everyone's inputs.

[Piamed]

Hi amiga; it appears as though with all your exposure and education, you have all the skills and knowledge to impress anyone you want already. Thus, just be yourself. What may impress one may annoy another.

Notwithstanding, the best advice on how to please a specific person will naturally come from someone who knows them baest and is available to you - namely, your partner!

Good luck!

[Florge]

hmmm... from the words I read here... I know you're a very likeable person... just be yourself and I know the parents will like you.. as what my Dad told me.. as long as he can see that I am treated right by my bf, he has nothing against him.

[scott&ligaya]

Hi there and welcome to the forum.

NUMBER 1 AND ONLY TIP

be yourself.... do not TRY to impress.

if your anything like most filipinas I know you will blow them away with your smile, natuiral warmth, humility and dignity. You are probably less shy than some, well travelled and your written English is great so I suspect youa re well educated as well.

As I say just be yourself, a nice Filipino gift would be a good gesture, not expensive but truly filipino.

good luck

[scott&ligaya]

Wow as I was writing Fiorge and Piamed beat me too it

you see

just be yourself


Toks. we are very like minded..... cue music for outer limits lol

[aposhark]

Dear Everyone:

As you will all see - I am a newbie here and I would very much appreciate all your help.

I have just gotten into a relationship with a wonderful man, and it seems to be going very well. He and I are both professionals in our fields and I think we are both used to working and mingling with other cultures. While he and I have known each other for quite awhile as friends, now that we are in a relationship, we are discovering that there are much more to learn about each other, our unique traits that stems from our respective cultures. As much as I am enjoying discovering more about him, I would also appreciate some input from everyone on this. Things like the british humour, perspective on relationships, family, etc.

Second, my family has already met him and they like him. My family is very close and we have our own careers (that have brought us to different parts of the globe) and are used to being around "foreigners" so I don't think they thought much about me having a "foreigner" boyfriend. Now the boyfriend has been asking me to travel to the UK (we live elsewhere) to visit his family so that I could formally be introduced to them. I know for a fact that he is very VERY close to his parents and although I have met his dad before (long before we were dating), I have yet to meet his mother. I do want to make a good impression and I want very much for them to like me. So make a long story short - I would really like to get some tips on how to get along (and perhaps even impress) the prospective in-laws!

Thanks very much for reading this and again I'd really appreciate everyone's inputs.

I wrote a big reply and lost it, but when I saw other replies, their gist of "be yourself" is what I also typed.

[Geraldine]

and just take time to get to know each other...do not rush things. People are different in alot of ways and the more you spend time with them the more you get to know them. Even when you are already married, you will still discover alot of things about him that will surprise you. :D

[MarBell379]

Us Brits are a weird bunch, but individually we're normally pretty tolerant and make up our own minds. I'm sure if your bf likes you enough to introduce you to his family you're not going to have any problems whatsoever.

[irobot]

Irobot ..." Sunny... Different From The Rest..." :Britain:

Hi there and welcome to the forum...

Think most of it has already been said by now but first impressions last, and be well dressed ( not a short dress ) as I expect his mother is the one who will have a unspoken private view of you at the time of first meeting you like...ohh she`s a nice girl or not, for some reason but that`s mum`s for you...

Be polite and honest and a small gift of flowers for his mother and a bottle of his fathers favourite tipple (drink ) maybe, and your in for life...

Your other half should of sorted his parents out way before this as you said you have already met his father who probably has said how nice and wonderful you are but this meeting does sound a bit Too formal... as they already know who you are and why you are there....The classic meet my Girl Friend / Fiancée is a UK statement of I am Serious with this woman my intentions are..... to his parents.

I think my approach would be to my parents would be along the lines of ...hi mom / dad here`s ?????? then make a pot of tea and have a casual chat..... Phil...

[archetype]

Thanks everyone for your posts.

He has said the same thing, just be myself - which of course I plan to be anyway. I guess its just that I want to be prepared and of course if I need to do/get anything (thanks for the suggestion about bringing presents) for his parents I'd want to do/get the right thing.

As I mentioned, we both live outside of Europe, and at the moment he and I live in different countries too. We were planning on a holiday to Spain and he's also mentioned that we should come by the UK too to spend a few days at his parents' home. In that case the type of presents to bring (and lugging them around) would be a little tricky.

Now, I know I should've listened to my mother when she told me that learning to cook will help me in the future. I lack domestic skills (read: cook, go to the market, etc) but I suppose I can be a kitchen assistant (god help us all). The thing is - will his mother be mortified?!?! :doh

Can any of you ladies share your experiences when you first met your parents-in-law? Your experiences would really help :). For the Brits, were there any apprehensions that your parents had when you introduced your Filipino/Filipina partner to them?

I do love this man to bits and I since his parents are so important to him, I would really want them to like me too. I am not the first girlfriend to be introduced to them, (his previous relationship lasted six years!) but I hope to be the last.

[pennybarry]

Before I arrived here, hubby gave me some tips on how to deal with his parents.
He said just be yourself plus be more polite. Never forget the words
PLEASE, THANK YOU, EXCUSE ME
yes please, no thank you:D
When I arrived, I did MANO PO to them.
They asked me what that means and explained to them:BouncyHappy:

[scott&ligaya]

Hi there again

Excellent advice from Pennybarry,
I love the MANO PO, it is a wonderful sign of respect and deference. I think it could be a great ice breaker and you could explain the meaning and signifcance.

Don't worry they will love you.

[pennybarry]

Hi there again

Excellent advice from Pennybarry,
I love the MANO PO, it is a wonderful sign of respect and deference. I think it could be a great ice breaker and you could explain the meaning and signifcance.

Don't worry they will love you.

Thanks Scotts&Ligaya. Maybe that's why they love me :D but I am sure if you are a good daughter to your Mom in the Philippines, you will have no big problems with in-laws. Anywhere I go, I never forget any bitbit/pasalubong/presence to my both Moms:D.
I never forget to kiss and hug them if we will go to farther places/holidays.
Elderlies always needs attention. My Nanay and Mom-in-law are the same, They feel wonderful if I'm sitting next after them and listen to their stories. :Hellooo::BouncyHappy::cwm12:

[KeithD]

Learn to drink excessive amounts of alcohol, eat kebabs, sleep around a bit.....you'll fit in just fine :rolleyes:

[DaveUK]

Learn to drink excessive amounts of alcohol, eat kebabs, sleep around a bit.....you'll fit in just fine :rolleyes:

If she only sleeps around a bit, she'll stick out like a sore thumb! :)

[Jay&Zobel]

He said just be yourself
be more polite.
Never forget the words: PLEASE, THANK YOU, EXCUSE ME, yes please, no thank you:D

I did MANO PO to them.
They asked me what that means and explained to them:BouncyHappy:
:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:




Excellent advice from Pennybarry, I love the MANO PO, it is a wonderful sign of respect and deference. I think it could be a great ice breaker and you could explain the meaning and signifcance.

Don't worry they will love you.


yep! POLITENESS is the answer... Until now, i still use Mano po and say Po and Opo to them lol... They said it's quite funny to hear everytime I say "Po" coz makes them think about pooing lol... (something to laugh about lol)

And in their perspective also, MANO PO/Bless po is such a very humble act and very respectful... Unlike the kiss & hug...


:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:
DO not lose that Filipino-ness!!!!! :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:


P.S.
Archetype,
What visa are you planning to apply? Visit or Spouse (Fiancee/Marriage)...
Take care and God bless you...

[scott&ligaya]

[QUOTE=Jay&Zobel;124820]:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:


And in their perspective also, MANO PO/Bless po is such a very humble act and very respectful... Unlike the kiss & hug...


:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:
DO not lose that Filipino-ness!!!!! :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:


QUOTE]

Absolutely, that's we whiteys love about our magnificent mahals!!:BouncyHappy::BouncyHappy:

[archetype]

thanks again for your tips and suggestions although that one on sleeping around I'd probably fail miserably...i just hope they they don't spot me at immigration <lol>

I got myself a tourist visa which thankfully I found to be a straightforward process. I don't think I'd be getting myself a fiancee or spouse visa as we don't plan to reside in the uk anyway.

As for the mano po gesture, I'd probably have to practice a little on that as my family don't really practice that so much except with really old relatives! but thanks for the tip, good thing I'm going home to the phils soon - I'd meet up with a lot of rellies so I can practice!

[kenny]

All good advice there, leaves me nothing to say but agree. Be your self and just be polite and use your manors.and also i agree to this one to- DO not lose that Filipino-ness!!!!!
I read this in one thread maybe a couple of weeks ago which i can really believe- you can take the filipina out of the Philippines, but you cant take the Philippines out of the filipina

[pennybarry]

MANO PO is one way of expressing your high respect. This is almost forgotten by our new generations. :doh

Before, If we have boyfriend or girlfriend that we like to introduce to our parents, lolo and lola's, we do mano po to them. If they don't want to lay their hands, that means they are not ready to accept you. :D

If there's wedding celebration, we usually see this mano po. The bride and grooms are doing this, and you can hear their whispers : Bless you, kaawaan ka ng Diyos.

I believe that if British BF and hubby's do this, your filipina girlfriend/wife as well as YOU will receive compliments from the old members of the family.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[archetype]

I will definitely consider your suggestions regarding the "mano" gesture. I do understand that it is traditional and I myself think that it is a very good gesture to symbolize respect, but I have been told that it is mostly a "tagalog" practice. Same goes for "po" and "opo".

Whilst my mum has met my boyfriend a few times already, my dad has only been able to speak to him on the phone (lets just say we all live in different time zones). He knows very much the importance I give my family, especially my parents and he hasn't taken it lightly when I told him that my parents are the "deal breakers/makers" . And so far with the respect that he has shown them, I am happy to say that my parents are slowly being won over!

Thank you again for all your helpful advice, and I hope you keep them coming :)

[jackmac452]

OK..I'm going to show my ignorance now....What's a MANO PO? ...My missus, when we meet after a while, she always rubs my nose with hers? (maybe she is smelling me?) is this MANO PO? I know eskimo's do this and South Sea Islanders also do it..is it the same?......or do I just smell rotten to her..hehehehe

[adam&chryss]

Mano po may be polite in Phil but I can`t think of any English families that do it.
Touching their hand onto your forehead and it`s significance can soon be wiped out if you eat and talk with your mouth full so i`d advise against doing that.
Also shelve any plans to try sucking any bits of food through your teeth after you`ve eaten. If your uncomfortable take a toothbrush or floss with you and visit their toilet to clean your mouth.
And if I didn`t know i`d say from your writing that your English it`s that good.
Good luck, i`m sure you`ll get on just fine.

[Jay&Zobel]

OK..I'm going to show my ignorance now....What's a MANO PO? ...My missus, when we meet after a while, she always rubs my nose with hers? (maybe she is smelling me?) is this MANO PO? I know eskimo's do this and South Sea Islanders also do it..is it the same?......or do I just smell rotten to her..hehehehe


hehe it's eskimo kiss... aww she is just sweet...:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Mano po is totally different...

[jackmac452]

Ahh..thank you Jay&Zobel I understand now....She's a Limasawan Eskimo..(the most prettiest one I've ever seen)...no wonder she's always eating those little smelly fish.(the ones that smell like sweaty socks.....archetype, one tip my dear, don't give your future in-laws those....get them some..cheese-whiz.......I like that.....I'm sure they will too....and don't eat your rice with your fingers...I was always telling my missus off for that..hehehe

[nids123]

hi welcome to the furom and good luck as everybdy says here i will say the same just be urself.

[Jay&Zobel]

Ahh..thank you Jay&Zobel I understand now....She's a Limasawan Eskimo..(the most prettiest one I've ever seen)...no wonder she's always eating those little smelly fish.(the ones that smell like sweaty socks.....archetype, one tip my dear, don't give your future in-laws those....get them some..cheese-whiz.......I like that.....I'm sure they will too....and don't eat your rice with your fingers...I was always telling my missus off for that..hehehe



MANO PO... :xxgrinning--00xx3: oh i so will train my kids to use Mano po hehe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8-y_6ptWRs

[pennybarry]

OK..I'm going to show my ignorance now....What's a MANO PO? ...My missus, when we meet after a while, she always rubs my nose with hers? (maybe she is smelling me?) is this MANO PO? I know eskimo's do this and South Sea Islanders also do it..is it the same?......or do I just smell rotten to her..hehehehe

http://www.filipinowriter.com/filipino-philosophy-of-mano-po

[jackmac452]

Ahhh..now I know about MANA PO. Will surprise the missus with my new found knowledge when we meet soon....thank you all.

[Mrs.JMajor]

Ahhh..now I know about MANA PO. Will surprise the missus with my new found knowledge when we meet soon....thank you all.

jack,its mano po ,not mana po, mana-heirs (wink)

[jackmac452]

Well Mrs.JMajor... you have confused me a bit there? (jack,its mano po ,not mana po, mana-heirs (wink)) somehow your words seem to be the same, but hey, I am old and my eyesight is not as good as it used to be..hehehe.. Plus I'm in a bit of a tizz at this time..Just talked to my missus and she tells me she wants a.......little Girl.. now to go with Junior..when we get together......Oh my Goodness, when will this ever end??? I just want some peace and quiet now in my life..Ahh well. Duty will be calling me again later.....And I hope no-one thinks I enjoy this....hehehehe (just wish I was not so Gwapo at times)

[archetype]

Thanks for the tips everyone.

My mother must've been the Filipino version of Emily Post so I doubt if I'd be talking through a meal or cleaning my teeth at the dinner table. But thanks for the reminder!

What do I call his parents when I first meet them? I feel rather rude to call them by their first names, but too assuming to call them Mum and Dad. Any suggestions?

[aposhark]

.........What do I call his parents when I first meet them? I feel rather rude to call them by their first names, but too assuming to call them Mum and Dad. Any suggestions?

"Hello Mr. and Mrs X" until they say "Don't be so formal, call me "Mum" etc.