ginapeterb
4th November 2004, 00:48
A Successful transition from Filipino to a British Filipino !
Sadly little thought is being given by lots of Western men both European and U.S. with regards to the wide cultural differences in lifestyles that exist between Filipino’s and Western cultures.
What am I saying ? Maybe its better if we cut to the chase, as they say, and explain what really are the issues !
John 33 years old, is a Company Sales Executive living in Hungerford, Berkshire, he has a nice 3 bedroom modern house, he bought 5 years ago, in a nice part of town, he has the benefit of a Vauxhall Vectra 2.0 litre, Company vehicle, his Salary is around 25,000 plus bonuses, and he works for a Computer software distributor in the M4 corridor.
John enjoys a company pension scheme, BUPA healthcare, free life insurance at 5 times his annual salary, and he takes 2 holidays a year, he is single and apart from a 2 year relationship he had with a female colleague at the company, he has been living alone now for about 3 years.
Meet Maribel, a 22 year old Filipina who comes from Cagayan de Oro, Mindanao Philippines, she has just finished college, and she has no job at present, however she is working in her Aunts convenience store to help out and make ends meet, she doesn’t get much money, and she lives in a house, with her Mother who is ill, she has to care for 3 siblings, as Mother is so ill, she cannot cope, sadly Maribel’s Father died when she was young, Maribel has to do all the house cleaning, and do the cooking for all the family, her one pleasure in life is taking a trip to the local internet café to talk to friends, and make contact with Western men, she hopes one day to meet a nice man, who she can start a family with and make her life better, she is encouraged by her Aunt and Mother, although her Mother is worried that if this happens, she will be left alone to cope with the rest of the family.
This is an all too familiar story, but just imagine for a moment that John a successful business software sales consultant from Hungerford, Berkshire, one day meets Maribel on the internet, in a Yahoo chat room, they immediately find there is common ground to take communication further, Maribel looks forward to going to the Café once a day to chat to John, and John make sure he is able to get home at lunch times so that he can have an hour on the net, with Maribel, in time they exchange photos, and eventually meet in Mindanao, some 6 months later, a chemistry exists between them, and John makes the journey to Maribel’s home village outside of Cagayan de Oro to ask her Mothers consent to a marriage, Maribel’s mother Joy is only too happy to agree to the marriage, knowing that her daughter has the chance of a better life, and wishes her well.
The story I have just wrote, does not refer to anyone living or dead, the names are made up, but the characters stereotype very much the type of relationship that can exist between peoples of different cultures, different financial situations.
Sadly, although these two individuals may develop a close and loving relationship in the warm and beautiful waters of the Philippines, this is a far cry from the ultimate arrival of Maribel in the UK, and subsequently, living together and integrating into each others culture which may go on to develop its own supply of headaches along the way, you have heard the phrase “Now we have won the war, now we have to win the peace”, lets hope its not quite like that, but it does give you some idea as to how these Fil-West relationships go through transitions, of courtship, love, marriage, and living together as Man and wife, so is it going to be heaven or is it going to be hell ?
Each stage of the Fil-West relationship has its own good and bad for each individual day, hopefully for those of you that contemplate what I call the “Philippines project” you might get some insights into what is required to at least go someway towards making your project successful.
For John and Maribel to make a success of their marriage, they have to take into consideration right at the start, that they are both in for a cultural shock.
For this relationship to work, both are going to need lifestyle adjustments, taking into consideration that a Western man tends to always be older than his Filipina wife, (although not always) he will need to take the lead in this, for one thing, the Western man is in familiar territory straight away as soon as he steps out of his trim 3 bed semi in Hungerford, he can kiss the little wife goodbye, shoot off to work down the M4 leaving poor Maribel, in a totally strange country, that doesn’t even smell like the Philippines, she is in truth out of her depth and will very soon get homesick, and increasingly unhappy and desirous of a quick ticket to Manila.
How can you deal with this ?
Well firstly, you can do what a responsible loving Husband married to a Filipina ought to be doing, take some of your spare time, and learn about the Filipino way of doing things, learn about Philippine culture, practices, and prepare to make her life as comfortable as possible.
I have produced a list of things here that came to my mind as I often sit and think about what problems can cause conflicts.
Loss of local community.
Firstly A Filipina is used to knowing all of her neighbours, she is used to seeing friends, family, and other siblings, in the Barangays, people tend to know each other, or live in each others pockets so to speak, hmm not so on the posh suburbs of Hungerford, you know how it is guys, lets be honest, we don’t even want to see our neighbour outside on our drive if we can help it, A Filipina will no doubt interact with her neighbours, who can include all the Manangs (older women) on the street, she will see people day in and day out, chatting in the middle of the road, there is always someone to chat to.
In British culture, and U.S. Culture, it is common for neighbours to not even know each others names, in truth, I don’t even know the name of my next door neighbour, whilst I have seen her lights on now and then, I don’t think I have ever seen her, I know she drives a Red Toyota, but that’s all, we have never spoken and we have lived next door to each other for 6 months, do you think that’s unusual, no, not in the UK, conversations normally are brief and cordial, if you live in an apartment block, you may pass someone on the stairs and exchange a brief comment, apart from that, a Filipina may see this as a very isolated existence, especially as Laundry, cooking and other household chores are done within the confines of the household, if you really give this some thought, you might see why she is going to feel extremely isolated, this will lead to homesickness so much so, that she will be clinging to the curtains every hour of the day waiting for you to get home, so how can you avoid this.
Firstly you can find the nearest Filipino community, that is a must, doesn’t matter how far away it is, she needs cultural support, Find out, about local clubs, groups, introduce her to all your friends, your Mother, your Father if alive, she needs support especially from your Mother, make sure she is welcoming, explain to her, that your wife needs support, give your wife access to the net, so she can chat back home to friends and family, take her around town, show her the bus routes, if you don’t use them , make sure you go with her and show her the shopping malls, places to buy a coffee, places like the Library, the Doctors, the Dentist, the supermarket, in truth, show her everything you can, to make her have a sense of community, if you have the chance of it, take her with you to work, obviously if its not the sort of job that allows this, then you can’t but most of all, make sure she can get in touch with you, a little care and support in the first few weeks will do wonders.
2. Depending on where your wife comes from, she may not be used to white goods, such as washing machines, vacuum cleaners, Dishwashers, Dust busters, those sort of things, in Maribel’s case imagine that she has never seen a Dust buster, and probably has not a clue what it is, she may prefer to sweep the floor with the traditional waist high (Witches) broom ! Yes I can hear some laughing already, you know the one, every house in the Philippines seems to have one, but if she is in your house with your wall to wall carpeting, you have to explain that your Dyson is going to do the job much better, obviously you have to tread carefully here, show her how to use these appliances, without making her feel inadequate.
3. On Screen Entertainment.
Filipino television tends to be more localized than what we are used to in the UK, most Filipino shows, are sort of variety performances, chat shows and actors who sing, singers who act etc, she may be used to Hollywood actors, and recognize them, but she is unlikely to be familiar with the Bill, Eastenders or Corrie for you lot up in the Colonies ! She is used to Cable TV. no doubt so Sky or Telewest should not be a problem for her, again, explaining what different channels are available to her, may help in bridging the entertainment gap.
4. Food
The dietary differences between a Filipina and her husband or fiancé, are definitely an area of contention, A Filipina rarely eats a meal unless rice is one of the dishes contained within it, she is not going to understand that rice is reserved only for Dinner, and that Rice is something we only get when we have Chinese night on Friday’s, Filipino meals contain rice every day, the concept of Rice for breakfast is not going to go down to well with you English boys I know that, she might like to eat chicken for breakfast, whilst you might like your double egg, bacon and sausage, there is some school of thought that says, you should integrate her into British culture, by saying “honey we don’t eat this for breakfast” and “we don’t eat that at lunch time“, that may be ok, but my advice bucks that trend, I advise you to say, honey you eat what you like for your breakfast, lunch and dinner, after all there are better ways of integrating your Filipina wife or Fiancee into British culture, than telling her she has to eat Egg bacon and beans for breakfast, after all how would you feel, if you were told that you had to eat, Sinigang, Grilled Squid and Lechon for your dinner, you are not marrying this woman because of what she eats for breakfast lunch or dinner, so why bother allowing it to become a point of conflict.
5. Transportation.
This is something I really thought about after travelling extensively in the Philippines with my loved one, have you really given this thought, 99 per cent says, she cant drive, or has never had the inclination to learn, as you all know we are a nation of car owners, as in the USA the UK prefers to use the motor vehicle for getting from A to B, in the Philippines private motor vehicles are not the preferred method of transport for local indigenous ladies, they tend to travel around by walking, using the Jeepney, and the Tri-cycle, this is because, they are the cheapest methods of getting around, this may be ok, if you live in the major cities, where public transport is plentiful and cheap, but is not much good in Maribel’s situation where there may be a rural bus service in Hungerford, but to be honest, rural transportation services tend to be lean and expensive, therefore she is going to need to be taught to drive, if she is to get around large rural post codes.
6. Currencies, and debit cards.
Most Filipina’s in the major towns and cities, are often used to debit and credit cards, however in Maribel’s case she has to be taught about a new currency, she may be used to the U.S. Dollar, as this is widely available in the Philippines, however, she may not be as familiar with the Sterling currency, also in supermarkets, she will prefer to use cash for most purchases, however we know that most of us rarely have any cash on us, we tend to use payment cards for everything.
She will have a need to be taught about Chip and Pin, and new payment card services, again she will need to be integrated into this, in a manner which shows her respect, just a polite, “Honey this is how we do this”, will help.
7. The Weather in UK
Cold winters are naturally alien to most Filipina’s, cold weather may have an adverse effect on her state of mind, lets face it, it has an adverse effect on locals, so imagine how it is for a Filipina, you may have to have the heating on in the house, higher than usual, she may complain of being cold, when you are having the fan on at night, cos you are too hot, all these things have to be considered, a little sympathy will go along way to showing that you understand how she feels, explain to her about bad weather, Snow etc, will help as well, about the trees, and that they are not dead, its just that they are in winter and have no leaves.
8. A Filipina and Family.
This can be a cause of division and contention in any Fil-West relationship, in UK we tend to be individualistic and independent, that is the nature of us as a people, family is very often Mum and Dad and brothers and Sisters, who we used to live with, as we all have our own homes, we have moved miles away, take John’s situation, his Sister lives in Cardiff and His Mother lives in Cirencester a good few miles away in both cases, so he doesn’t see them that much, anyway, to be quiet honest, he never got on that well with his Sister, and his Mother drives him crazy, so quite frankly he sees her as little as possible, however, I have said before that Family for a Filipina is everything, A Filipina will want to communicate with her family as much as possible, it is in your best interests to allow her to do so, going so far as to facilitating it as much as possible, buying her phone cards, getting her on the net, etc, doing your best to help her, she may wish to integrate into your family, even if you don’t want to, to gain the approval of your Mother, even if you cant stand her, this is something you will have to get used to.
9. Household budgeting and bill paying.
Its customary in Philippine society for the wife to pay all the bills and handle the family budget, in John’s case he might have a problem with this, since he has always done it himself, and the thought of handing it all over to Maribel is a little hard to take as she is only 22 and he thinks wrongly that all 22 year old girls are similar to those in the UK, still with Mum, maybe at college, and cant handle money.
This is a very serious and grave mistake, for one thing, a Filipina at 22 years old, has the mind of a woman 5-10 years older, it is respect to hand over these matters to the wife, often bills in the Philippines are paid in person, and not by mail, or by bank giro as they are here, a woman in a Philippine household will tend to attend to these matters, to not allow her to fulfil her role as a wife, may be a sign of disrespect and lack of trust in her abilities, you will do yourself a big favour, if you teach her how to write cheques at the bank, how to handle your account, and putting her on as a joint account holder is a big step forward, if you cant do that, really then, do you trust her, and is this relationship going to work if you don’t ?
10. Degrees of Wealth.
A Filipina’s perception of wealth will vary greatly to yours, for one thing she has seen you court her, buy her diamond engagement ring, fly to the Philippines once or twice, pay for a big wedding, she sees your nice home, you have a nice car, you always buy her nice things and she enjoys fine meals, in fact life couldn’t be any better, she certainly thinks, for all the nicest reasons that she has a rich husband.
You might take issue with that, explaining to her, that in fact you are not rich, you are relatively average, in fact you might say that John in this situation is middle class, hmm there is no point in telling a Filipina that you are middle class, this means absolutely nothing, to her, in the Philippines there are rich people and there are the masses who are poor people, most Filipinas are poor girls, who have to work hard for every cent they earn.
What you must explain to her, is that you are a middle class which means that you are not someone who can spend without thinking, yes she can have nice things, and you will never starve, but you have to budget your money just like anyone else, also she might not be able to send thousands of US Dollars to her family, but she can send some money to help out, if you explain your relative situation, your relationship will be much better.
11. Tipping
This is something that may need to be explained as some forms of tipping that take place in the Philippines are quite frankly viewed here as corruption and bribery, tipping needs to be explained in its cultural context in the UK, for example, once a service has been provided, then a tip may be proffered as a bonus for that service, but not as a substitute for services not provided.
12. Haggling and Shopping.
Most Filipina’s in one form or another, are used to haggling when it comes to shopping and obtaining services, she may need to have it explained to her, that generally, we live in an economic society, that does not allow haggling in Supermarkets, and on public transport, if these small situations are attended to, this will make for a smooth transition from Filipino to British Filipino.
Summary
A Fil-West marriage can be extremely successful if a few adjustments are made in both lifestyles, A Filipina does not have to give up her culture just to integrate into British culture, in fact the two cultures can enrich each other, and they are more powerful together as a cohesive unit than they ever were as individuals, so make the preparations now, and avoid the pitfalls, that lead to a bad start, preparation is the key, so Filipino or British…. No !!!! British Filipino !
Sadly little thought is being given by lots of Western men both European and U.S. with regards to the wide cultural differences in lifestyles that exist between Filipino’s and Western cultures.
What am I saying ? Maybe its better if we cut to the chase, as they say, and explain what really are the issues !
John 33 years old, is a Company Sales Executive living in Hungerford, Berkshire, he has a nice 3 bedroom modern house, he bought 5 years ago, in a nice part of town, he has the benefit of a Vauxhall Vectra 2.0 litre, Company vehicle, his Salary is around 25,000 plus bonuses, and he works for a Computer software distributor in the M4 corridor.
John enjoys a company pension scheme, BUPA healthcare, free life insurance at 5 times his annual salary, and he takes 2 holidays a year, he is single and apart from a 2 year relationship he had with a female colleague at the company, he has been living alone now for about 3 years.
Meet Maribel, a 22 year old Filipina who comes from Cagayan de Oro, Mindanao Philippines, she has just finished college, and she has no job at present, however she is working in her Aunts convenience store to help out and make ends meet, she doesn’t get much money, and she lives in a house, with her Mother who is ill, she has to care for 3 siblings, as Mother is so ill, she cannot cope, sadly Maribel’s Father died when she was young, Maribel has to do all the house cleaning, and do the cooking for all the family, her one pleasure in life is taking a trip to the local internet café to talk to friends, and make contact with Western men, she hopes one day to meet a nice man, who she can start a family with and make her life better, she is encouraged by her Aunt and Mother, although her Mother is worried that if this happens, she will be left alone to cope with the rest of the family.
This is an all too familiar story, but just imagine for a moment that John a successful business software sales consultant from Hungerford, Berkshire, one day meets Maribel on the internet, in a Yahoo chat room, they immediately find there is common ground to take communication further, Maribel looks forward to going to the Café once a day to chat to John, and John make sure he is able to get home at lunch times so that he can have an hour on the net, with Maribel, in time they exchange photos, and eventually meet in Mindanao, some 6 months later, a chemistry exists between them, and John makes the journey to Maribel’s home village outside of Cagayan de Oro to ask her Mothers consent to a marriage, Maribel’s mother Joy is only too happy to agree to the marriage, knowing that her daughter has the chance of a better life, and wishes her well.
The story I have just wrote, does not refer to anyone living or dead, the names are made up, but the characters stereotype very much the type of relationship that can exist between peoples of different cultures, different financial situations.
Sadly, although these two individuals may develop a close and loving relationship in the warm and beautiful waters of the Philippines, this is a far cry from the ultimate arrival of Maribel in the UK, and subsequently, living together and integrating into each others culture which may go on to develop its own supply of headaches along the way, you have heard the phrase “Now we have won the war, now we have to win the peace”, lets hope its not quite like that, but it does give you some idea as to how these Fil-West relationships go through transitions, of courtship, love, marriage, and living together as Man and wife, so is it going to be heaven or is it going to be hell ?
Each stage of the Fil-West relationship has its own good and bad for each individual day, hopefully for those of you that contemplate what I call the “Philippines project” you might get some insights into what is required to at least go someway towards making your project successful.
For John and Maribel to make a success of their marriage, they have to take into consideration right at the start, that they are both in for a cultural shock.
For this relationship to work, both are going to need lifestyle adjustments, taking into consideration that a Western man tends to always be older than his Filipina wife, (although not always) he will need to take the lead in this, for one thing, the Western man is in familiar territory straight away as soon as he steps out of his trim 3 bed semi in Hungerford, he can kiss the little wife goodbye, shoot off to work down the M4 leaving poor Maribel, in a totally strange country, that doesn’t even smell like the Philippines, she is in truth out of her depth and will very soon get homesick, and increasingly unhappy and desirous of a quick ticket to Manila.
How can you deal with this ?
Well firstly, you can do what a responsible loving Husband married to a Filipina ought to be doing, take some of your spare time, and learn about the Filipino way of doing things, learn about Philippine culture, practices, and prepare to make her life as comfortable as possible.
I have produced a list of things here that came to my mind as I often sit and think about what problems can cause conflicts.
Loss of local community.
Firstly A Filipina is used to knowing all of her neighbours, she is used to seeing friends, family, and other siblings, in the Barangays, people tend to know each other, or live in each others pockets so to speak, hmm not so on the posh suburbs of Hungerford, you know how it is guys, lets be honest, we don’t even want to see our neighbour outside on our drive if we can help it, A Filipina will no doubt interact with her neighbours, who can include all the Manangs (older women) on the street, she will see people day in and day out, chatting in the middle of the road, there is always someone to chat to.
In British culture, and U.S. Culture, it is common for neighbours to not even know each others names, in truth, I don’t even know the name of my next door neighbour, whilst I have seen her lights on now and then, I don’t think I have ever seen her, I know she drives a Red Toyota, but that’s all, we have never spoken and we have lived next door to each other for 6 months, do you think that’s unusual, no, not in the UK, conversations normally are brief and cordial, if you live in an apartment block, you may pass someone on the stairs and exchange a brief comment, apart from that, a Filipina may see this as a very isolated existence, especially as Laundry, cooking and other household chores are done within the confines of the household, if you really give this some thought, you might see why she is going to feel extremely isolated, this will lead to homesickness so much so, that she will be clinging to the curtains every hour of the day waiting for you to get home, so how can you avoid this.
Firstly you can find the nearest Filipino community, that is a must, doesn’t matter how far away it is, she needs cultural support, Find out, about local clubs, groups, introduce her to all your friends, your Mother, your Father if alive, she needs support especially from your Mother, make sure she is welcoming, explain to her, that your wife needs support, give your wife access to the net, so she can chat back home to friends and family, take her around town, show her the bus routes, if you don’t use them , make sure you go with her and show her the shopping malls, places to buy a coffee, places like the Library, the Doctors, the Dentist, the supermarket, in truth, show her everything you can, to make her have a sense of community, if you have the chance of it, take her with you to work, obviously if its not the sort of job that allows this, then you can’t but most of all, make sure she can get in touch with you, a little care and support in the first few weeks will do wonders.
2. Depending on where your wife comes from, she may not be used to white goods, such as washing machines, vacuum cleaners, Dishwashers, Dust busters, those sort of things, in Maribel’s case imagine that she has never seen a Dust buster, and probably has not a clue what it is, she may prefer to sweep the floor with the traditional waist high (Witches) broom ! Yes I can hear some laughing already, you know the one, every house in the Philippines seems to have one, but if she is in your house with your wall to wall carpeting, you have to explain that your Dyson is going to do the job much better, obviously you have to tread carefully here, show her how to use these appliances, without making her feel inadequate.
3. On Screen Entertainment.
Filipino television tends to be more localized than what we are used to in the UK, most Filipino shows, are sort of variety performances, chat shows and actors who sing, singers who act etc, she may be used to Hollywood actors, and recognize them, but she is unlikely to be familiar with the Bill, Eastenders or Corrie for you lot up in the Colonies ! She is used to Cable TV. no doubt so Sky or Telewest should not be a problem for her, again, explaining what different channels are available to her, may help in bridging the entertainment gap.
4. Food
The dietary differences between a Filipina and her husband or fiancé, are definitely an area of contention, A Filipina rarely eats a meal unless rice is one of the dishes contained within it, she is not going to understand that rice is reserved only for Dinner, and that Rice is something we only get when we have Chinese night on Friday’s, Filipino meals contain rice every day, the concept of Rice for breakfast is not going to go down to well with you English boys I know that, she might like to eat chicken for breakfast, whilst you might like your double egg, bacon and sausage, there is some school of thought that says, you should integrate her into British culture, by saying “honey we don’t eat this for breakfast” and “we don’t eat that at lunch time“, that may be ok, but my advice bucks that trend, I advise you to say, honey you eat what you like for your breakfast, lunch and dinner, after all there are better ways of integrating your Filipina wife or Fiancee into British culture, than telling her she has to eat Egg bacon and beans for breakfast, after all how would you feel, if you were told that you had to eat, Sinigang, Grilled Squid and Lechon for your dinner, you are not marrying this woman because of what she eats for breakfast lunch or dinner, so why bother allowing it to become a point of conflict.
5. Transportation.
This is something I really thought about after travelling extensively in the Philippines with my loved one, have you really given this thought, 99 per cent says, she cant drive, or has never had the inclination to learn, as you all know we are a nation of car owners, as in the USA the UK prefers to use the motor vehicle for getting from A to B, in the Philippines private motor vehicles are not the preferred method of transport for local indigenous ladies, they tend to travel around by walking, using the Jeepney, and the Tri-cycle, this is because, they are the cheapest methods of getting around, this may be ok, if you live in the major cities, where public transport is plentiful and cheap, but is not much good in Maribel’s situation where there may be a rural bus service in Hungerford, but to be honest, rural transportation services tend to be lean and expensive, therefore she is going to need to be taught to drive, if she is to get around large rural post codes.
6. Currencies, and debit cards.
Most Filipina’s in the major towns and cities, are often used to debit and credit cards, however in Maribel’s case she has to be taught about a new currency, she may be used to the U.S. Dollar, as this is widely available in the Philippines, however, she may not be as familiar with the Sterling currency, also in supermarkets, she will prefer to use cash for most purchases, however we know that most of us rarely have any cash on us, we tend to use payment cards for everything.
She will have a need to be taught about Chip and Pin, and new payment card services, again she will need to be integrated into this, in a manner which shows her respect, just a polite, “Honey this is how we do this”, will help.
7. The Weather in UK
Cold winters are naturally alien to most Filipina’s, cold weather may have an adverse effect on her state of mind, lets face it, it has an adverse effect on locals, so imagine how it is for a Filipina, you may have to have the heating on in the house, higher than usual, she may complain of being cold, when you are having the fan on at night, cos you are too hot, all these things have to be considered, a little sympathy will go along way to showing that you understand how she feels, explain to her about bad weather, Snow etc, will help as well, about the trees, and that they are not dead, its just that they are in winter and have no leaves.
8. A Filipina and Family.
This can be a cause of division and contention in any Fil-West relationship, in UK we tend to be individualistic and independent, that is the nature of us as a people, family is very often Mum and Dad and brothers and Sisters, who we used to live with, as we all have our own homes, we have moved miles away, take John’s situation, his Sister lives in Cardiff and His Mother lives in Cirencester a good few miles away in both cases, so he doesn’t see them that much, anyway, to be quiet honest, he never got on that well with his Sister, and his Mother drives him crazy, so quite frankly he sees her as little as possible, however, I have said before that Family for a Filipina is everything, A Filipina will want to communicate with her family as much as possible, it is in your best interests to allow her to do so, going so far as to facilitating it as much as possible, buying her phone cards, getting her on the net, etc, doing your best to help her, she may wish to integrate into your family, even if you don’t want to, to gain the approval of your Mother, even if you cant stand her, this is something you will have to get used to.
9. Household budgeting and bill paying.
Its customary in Philippine society for the wife to pay all the bills and handle the family budget, in John’s case he might have a problem with this, since he has always done it himself, and the thought of handing it all over to Maribel is a little hard to take as she is only 22 and he thinks wrongly that all 22 year old girls are similar to those in the UK, still with Mum, maybe at college, and cant handle money.
This is a very serious and grave mistake, for one thing, a Filipina at 22 years old, has the mind of a woman 5-10 years older, it is respect to hand over these matters to the wife, often bills in the Philippines are paid in person, and not by mail, or by bank giro as they are here, a woman in a Philippine household will tend to attend to these matters, to not allow her to fulfil her role as a wife, may be a sign of disrespect and lack of trust in her abilities, you will do yourself a big favour, if you teach her how to write cheques at the bank, how to handle your account, and putting her on as a joint account holder is a big step forward, if you cant do that, really then, do you trust her, and is this relationship going to work if you don’t ?
10. Degrees of Wealth.
A Filipina’s perception of wealth will vary greatly to yours, for one thing she has seen you court her, buy her diamond engagement ring, fly to the Philippines once or twice, pay for a big wedding, she sees your nice home, you have a nice car, you always buy her nice things and she enjoys fine meals, in fact life couldn’t be any better, she certainly thinks, for all the nicest reasons that she has a rich husband.
You might take issue with that, explaining to her, that in fact you are not rich, you are relatively average, in fact you might say that John in this situation is middle class, hmm there is no point in telling a Filipina that you are middle class, this means absolutely nothing, to her, in the Philippines there are rich people and there are the masses who are poor people, most Filipinas are poor girls, who have to work hard for every cent they earn.
What you must explain to her, is that you are a middle class which means that you are not someone who can spend without thinking, yes she can have nice things, and you will never starve, but you have to budget your money just like anyone else, also she might not be able to send thousands of US Dollars to her family, but she can send some money to help out, if you explain your relative situation, your relationship will be much better.
11. Tipping
This is something that may need to be explained as some forms of tipping that take place in the Philippines are quite frankly viewed here as corruption and bribery, tipping needs to be explained in its cultural context in the UK, for example, once a service has been provided, then a tip may be proffered as a bonus for that service, but not as a substitute for services not provided.
12. Haggling and Shopping.
Most Filipina’s in one form or another, are used to haggling when it comes to shopping and obtaining services, she may need to have it explained to her, that generally, we live in an economic society, that does not allow haggling in Supermarkets, and on public transport, if these small situations are attended to, this will make for a smooth transition from Filipino to British Filipino.
Summary
A Fil-West marriage can be extremely successful if a few adjustments are made in both lifestyles, A Filipina does not have to give up her culture just to integrate into British culture, in fact the two cultures can enrich each other, and they are more powerful together as a cohesive unit than they ever were as individuals, so make the preparations now, and avoid the pitfalls, that lead to a bad start, preparation is the key, so Filipino or British…. No !!!! British Filipino !