The CFO

[agroberts]

Hi all,

First off I'm a septic... but I voted for Obama, and I have been an ex-pat since 1996... just wanted to get that out of the way - and for good reason, the US sucks... but its marginally better than the Philippines...but slowly reaching some sick sort of equilibrium...

Anyhow enough of that...

Here is the latest CFO nightmare....

First off, after a lot of digging around on the net because of course the CFO phone was busy for hours due to the lack of cheap labor in the Philippines, this is the list of requirements that we came up with :

Requirements for Registration

1. Original valid passport;
2. Original and photocopy of visa;
3. One (1) 2x2 or passport-size photograph;
4. One (1) valid identification card with photograph;
5. Original and photocopy of Confirmation of Permanent Residence (for Canada-bound emigrant);
6. Original and photocopy of Immigrant Data Summary (for USA bound emigrant);
7. Photocopy of Certificate of Eligibility (for Japan bound emigrant);
8. Original and photocopy of letter of approval for Work to Residence visa (for New Zealand bound emigrants);
9. Photocopy of employment contract (for immigrant workers);
10. Duly completed registration form (downloadable a XXXXXXXXXXX
11. Payment of P400.00 registration fee; and
12. Attendance in the PDOS or peer counseling session;


________________________________________________________

Outstanding Scotty, get that dried up old matron a SMB, and beam her up for a rectal exam, she has a brain tumor...

Now... armed with this information, my fiancee spent the entire day travelling to MAYnila, all the way from Baguio. Nice trip on a Philippin Rabbit. Sweet.

She gets there the night before, spends the night in a hotel, and makes it to the CFO 1 hour early.

I got a call at about 11 am her time, fortunately as it were, because she was at the CFO and she needed to know my mother's last name. NOT her married name, but her MAIDEN name. Hmmm.. that was not in the requirements...


Then she asked me for my father's MIDDLE name... again, that was not in the requirements... I can only imagine the bitter feeling that this bitch who was interviewing her must have felt when my fiancee was actually able to reach me and answer the questions.... BUT WAIT the crusty old matron was still to have her day....

I later found out that after attending this boondoggle of a "seminar" that the following was also asked for :

again, note that this was not posted on the CFO website....

1. The name of my grandfather (dead now for 17 years)
2. My course(s) of study in college - which she knew but was afraid to answer because she was worried that she might call it "Engineering" instead of "Engineering Physics"
3. The birthplace of my first wife.

I was LIVID when i heard about this, needless to say. So I propose the following checklist for any fiance(e)s who are going to this last ditch effort for the Philippine government to gouge their citizens....

___________________________________________

1. Evidence of any termination of a previous marriage. They do NOT list this on their website, and according to my fiancee, there were multiple people turned back on account of not having this. In spite of the fact that the completely paranoid US State Department has obviously checked this before issuing the visa....And in many cases the petitioner sends only one set of notarized documents which the embassy may or may not keep. This could set you back 2 weeks if you have to get another set. And of course you have already booked the tickets so that will cost you as well. Just remember, the CFO, like the RCMP, "The CFO will always get its pesos."



2. Provide a notarized document providing the following :

a) your mother's maiden name and original birth certificate
b) your college transcripts
c) a complete CV including jobs and domicile for the past 20 years - if you are too young to have had a job for the past 20 years, proceed to item J
d) your birth certificate, your blood type, your father's mother's maiden name, your first dog's name (if you have never owned a dog proceed to K), and your favorite car (if this car is pre-1970, proceed to L)
e) the name of your first crush
f) the name of your fourth grade teacher
g) your favorite flavor of cake
h) you must blow a bubble and e-mail a scan of it to them
i) you must insert a candy cane (sugar free) up your **** and send that UPS (DHL will not be accepted)
j) you must disrobe from the waist down, sit on a copy machine, and photocopy your anus. Digitize it and send it to them. BMP not accepted, only JPG
k) lick a stamp, send it to santa claus, then forward the invitation to CFO
l) learn how to speak Hittite, record a message stating your name and DOB, then email it to them
m) do the splits, tear your ligaments, then have a doctor send a DNA sample from your biopsy
m) an imprint of your tongue on a potato chip (Walkers Crisps if UK, Lay's if US)
n) send them a lollipop licked by Madonna (after giving MC Hammer a BJ), then have it blessed by the Pope
o) a pair of your gramma's worn underwear
p) the valve stem from a 1992 Nissan Stanza (LX edition)
q) a pair of socks worn in a 23k marathon
r)the "K" key from your computer keyboard
s) a pillow case that you have sneezed on
t) a picture of you and either a) Steven Tyler or b) Paula Abdul playing badminton
u) proof that the Philippines is not a backward cultural cesspool
v) 1000 peso note slipped discretely into an envelope


Note - your milage may vary. In recent surveys we have found that requirement U has been the most difficult to comply with, however that proceeding directly to requirement V has mitigated this.

please reply if you will t XXXXXXXXXXX

[adam&chryss]

That's really weird..

I just been asked about my mother's-in-law maiden name. But not the others that you'd mention.

[johncar54]

Relax. CFO doesn’t know any of the answers, so be inventive.

I must admit I was a 'little annoyed' too by the CFO saga, which seemed to be conducted by people who were upset that they were still in Phil, when the interviewee was getting out!

My initial reaction (I am a former senior police office from UK and a believer in the rights of the citizen) was to ask what right they had to ask the questions and which particular piece of legislation authorised it. My wife did not let me do that though, which I guess was just as well.

It seem unfortunate that when the idea of the CFO seminar is to advise citizens going to other countries of their rights in those countries, that their rights in their own country are not better protected. It also means the values of the seminars are diminished.

[Sophie]

:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol: I feel for you agroberts, i was just as annoyed when i went through that CFO stuff. First of all, they asked you to go to the so-called orientation seminar and pay a fee for that, but funny, coz there's nothing discussed there about your life in the uk or anything of that sort. There is orientation alright - BDO or Banco De Oro remittance orientation :doh:doh:NoNo::NoNo: It's funny you pay and waste your time for an orientation you thought will be about uk and the life in the uk, only to get recruited by BDO to open an account for them so you can remit money from uk through them. Then after that, i thought everything's done (submitted all the requirements, id picture taken, a little interview, etc) only to find out that i need to give them my MOTHER IN LAW'S MAIDEN NAME :doh:doh How in hell would i know???? Since it's not a common practice for brits to show or use their middle name, even on my hubby's passport, only his first name and last name is shown there. So i told the staff there that i will try to call but i might have a hard time since its only around 2:30 AM in uk and i kept ringing my hubby's celphone for several times and he just won't wake up, (of course, who would expect a call at such unholy hour :doh) So i went back to the staff and told her that it's just impossible for me to get to my hubby because its only 2:30 am in uk, and she told me if i don't get my mother in law's maiden name,SHE WON'T GIVE ME MY CERTIFICATION and i need that to claim my CFO stamp :NoNo: I was so pissed off like hell! :cwm23::furious3: I cannot believe they won't give me that stupid so-called orientation seminar certificate just because i cannot give my mother in law's maiden name :NoNo: And that was nearly 1 pm, meaning i will not make it in time to get my CFO stamp, so i need to go back the next day. How ridiculous is that!:NoNo::NoNo: Anyway, to make the story short, i was able to contact my hubby after trying to call him again and again many times over, i even dialled my mother in law's phone out of desperation :doh Anyway, i was able to make it in time at CFO and finished everything at 5pm, then that's the only time i was able to eat my lunch :cwm34: What an ordeal huh?! :NoNo: Over a stupid senseless piece of paper :NoNo:

[Tawi2]

Any 3'rd world nation you ever visit has the same "Bureaucratic procedures",though I must admit pinas sometimes makes my blood boil like Mayon on a good day :icon_lol:

[agroberts]

Thanks for that reply Sophie. I am not surprised that multiple hordes of humanity have suffered the slings arrows and outright corruption and jealousy of the CFO.

The bottom line is that you have some crusty old **** who is just bloody jealous that she is going to spend the rest of her corrupt decrepit life inhaling jeepney smoke, riding busses that the rest of Asia farts out their collective anus to the Philippines, eating "fish" that in more developed countries we call "bait", riding in vehicles called "trikes" that would be road illegal in any country in which at least a substantial part of the population realize that Italy was a German ally in WWII and not just a type of spaghetti, tired of seeing her neices and female cousins lose their virginity to their uncles, watching "Pinoy Big Brother" while pretending to like it, and thinking that "boy" or "girl" is a creative and unique name for a baby.

As I told my fiancee, this is the LAST chance that the PI has to gouge you.... to suck your blood... its all or nothing. After all, if you are goingto the US, you have already passed the incredible task of going through the US Courts (if divorces is involved), the Department of Homeland Security (and we know what THEY do if they want an honest answer), probably warrantless wiretaps from GWBush and cronies, then the National Visa Center, finally the State Department and the US EMbassy interview. **** thats supposed to be the hard part right ? But the CFO is the last hurdle... you have already breached Hadrian's Wall, well, now you must swim through a mud puddle...and have a swig or two. A 10 month journey filled with turmoil having been accomplished, and your future is to be determined by some dirty old hag who says "For a while" instead of "please hold."


They realize that the next time you come back you will have a blue or red or purple passport - anything but green - and for that reason they are taking out their petty bureaucratic vengeance on you. If you need to spend an extra 36 hours in a bus, the more joy that they get in their sick twisted minds.

IT ALL COMES DOWN TO JEALOUSY.

Finished. End of Story.

Have a great day...


As someone once said, "We shall overcome" -

but they had not dealt with the CFO...

. but.. we will...

and we will go to see Robin Trower at the House of Blues in Anaheim...

- here is a link - if you don't like guitar, don't bother...

[Sophie]

Any 3'rd world nation you ever visit has the same "Bureaucratic procedures",though I must admit pinas sometimes makes my blood boil like Mayon on a good day :icon_lol:

Mind you, i almost erupted like mount pinatubo when i was there processing my CFO :icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[Tawi2]

You have to understand,its nothing personal with them,but the fact your going abroad and they aint just irritates them,I always said the worst job in Pinas must be sitting behind the immigration screen in NAIA checking passports,they all look miserable,all those people leaving and they are stuck there :icon_lol: I am always happy and upbeat when I deal with them,they are normally dead-pan and dour :icon_lol:That makes the situation funnier :icon_lol:

[Sophie]

You have to understand,its nothing personal with them,but the fact your going abroad and they aint just irritates them,I always said the worst job in Pinas must be sitting behind the immigration screen in NAIA checking passports,they all look miserable,all those people leaving and they are stuck there :icon_lol: I am always happy and upbeat when I deal with them,they are normally dead-pan and dour :icon_lol:That makes the situation funnier :icon_lol:

Exactly :xxgrinning--00xx3: :icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[eagles]

so much huh.............. Can we write a complaint or something for this kind of requirements not posted on their website??? CFO sort of acted like " finding faults simply to get money under the table" Can this forum find way to report their abuse in proper authority? Such way we help others who are potential victims..

[adam&chryss]

:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol: I feel for you agroberts, i was just as annoyed when i went through that CFO stuff. First of all, they asked you to go to the so-called orientation seminar and pay a fee for that, but funny, coz there's nothing discussed there about your life in the uk or anything of that sort. There is orientation alright - BDO or Banco De Oro remittance orientation :doh:doh:NoNo::NoNo: It's funny you pay and waste your time for an orientation you thought will be about uk and the life in the uk, only to get recruited by BDO to open an account for them so you can remit money from uk through them. Then after that, i thought everything's done (submitted all the requirements, id picture taken, a little interview, etc) only to find out that i need to give them my MOTHER IN LAW'S MAIDEN NAME :doh:doh How in hell would i know???? Since it's not a common practice for brits to show or use their middle name, even on my hubby's passport, only his first name and last name is shown there. So i told the staff there that i will try to call but i might have a hard time since its only around 2:30 AM in uk and i kept ringing my hubby's celphone for several times and he just won't wake up, (of course, who would expect a call at such unholy hour :doh) So i went back to the staff and told her that it's just impossible for me to get to my hubby because its only 2:30 am in uk, and she told me if i don't get my mother in law's maiden name,SHE WON'T GIVE ME MY CERTIFICATION and i need that to claim my CFO stamp :NoNo: I was so pissed off like hell! :cwm23::furious3: I cannot believe they won't give me that stupid so-called orientation seminar certificate just because i cannot give my mother in law's maiden name :NoNo: And that was nearly 1 pm, meaning i will not make it in time to get my CFO stamp, so i need to go back the next day. How ridiculous is that!:NoNo::NoNo: Anyway, to make the story short, i was able to contact my hubby after trying to call him again and again many times over, i even dialled my mother in law's phone out of desperation :doh Anyway, i was able to make it in time at CFO and finished everything at 5pm, then that's the only time i was able to eat my lunch :cwm34: What an ordeal huh?! :NoNo: Over a stupid senseless piece of paper :NoNo:

True :xxgrinning--00xx3:
When I've been asked about my mother's in law maiden name. I was thinking to just put any names coz I wouldn't want to wake my husband. But then I still did wake him up :D

[IainBusby]

True :xxgrinning--00xx3:
When I've been asked about my mother's in law maiden name. I was thinking to just put any names coz I wouldn't want to wake my husband. But then I still did wake him up :D

I think anyone who is asked any of these stupid questions should just answer "Smith" to all of them, be it mothers maiden name, grandfathers surname or favourite pets name. How the hell would they know the difference anyway.
Iain.

[Sophie]

I think anyone who is asked any of these stupid questions should just answer "Smith" to all of them, be it mothers maiden name, grandfathers surname or favourite pets name. How the hell would they know the difference anyway.
Iain.

I actually tried to trick them but it did not work. My hubby got a second name and i told the staff it's his middle name (my mother in law's maiden name), but the staff said it looks like a second name and not really a middle name and she knows that brits don't use middle names. So in short, i wasn't able to convince her. I guess i'm really not good at lying as she figured i just made it up so i can get out of there and finish my CFO stamp :icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol: Oh well, lying is not one of my strong points anyway :D

[Arthur Little]

so much huh.............. Can we write a complaint or something for this kind of requirements not posted on their website??? CFO sort of acted like " finding faults simply to get money under the table" Can this forum find way to report their abuse in proper authority? Such way we help others who are potential victims..

I think we have to realise that 99.9 per cent of the "requirements" depicted in such humorous fashion by our correspondent, amount to nothing more than a satirical - albeit grossly over-exaggerated - parody, based on pre-conceived notions:23_111_9[1]:about the ACTUAL functions of the CFO and, as such, are not intended to be taken seriously.

[Arthur Little]

:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol: Oh well, lying is not one of my strong points anyway :D

:Blacklistliar:? ... Never! :NoNo:

[bornatbirth]

You have to understand,its nothing personal with them,but the fact your going abroad and they aint just irritates them,I always said the worst job in Pinas must be sitting behind the immigration screen in NAIA checking passports,they all look miserable,all those people leaving and they are stuck there :icon_lol: I am always happy and upbeat when I deal with them,they are normally dead-pan and dour :icon_lol:That makes the situation funnier :icon_lol:

when i went and saw my wife i knew i was only there for a short time and can come back home,so i never got annoyed at much in the philipines and every now and then you will see grumpy filipinos which will make me laugh!

but the funny thing is that most are often helpful and nice and considering that alot of them are stuck in low payed jobs and usually its the poor who are the nicest and they should have the most to complain about!

[Arthur Little]

CFO? ... wonder if anyone's ever had the nerve to confront them with the initials "UFO"? [:censored:] And I'm not referring to 'Unidentified Flying Objects'!!!

[Arthur Little]

[QUOTE=agroberts;137489]Hi all,

First off I'm a septic...


Do you mean you're a 'sCeptic'? ...

... welcome to 'The Club'! :Erm: ... I mean the forum.

[aromulus]

[QUOTE=agroberts;137536] riding in vehicles called "trikes" that would be road illegal in any country in which at least a substantial part of the population realize that Italy was a German ally in WWII and not just a type of spaghetti, tired of seeing her neices and female cousins lose their virginity QUOTE]


You forgot to include the word "reluctant" somewhere in between "Italy" and "German".....:doh

[Arthur Little]

Hi all,

First off I'm a septic...

Are you really? Ahhh, t'would explain the "infectious enthusiasm" for the CFO your post has generated! :rolleyes: T[h]anks for that.

[aromulus]

Are you really? Ahhh, t'would explain the "infectious enthusiasm" for the CFO your post has generated! :rolleyes: T[h]anks for that.

Arthur.............

If you try to quote someone, just include the "[/QUOTE]" bit at the end of it, huh...???:rolleyes:

[Sophie]

:Blacklistliar:? ... Never! :NoNo:

Yeah, NEVER :D But then, i'm actually just lying :D:icon_lol::icon_lol:
Nah, seriously, i had quite a few share of "white" lies too but mostly i don't pull it off coz i'm not good at it i suppose. It's a skill you develop over time and i never planned to cultivate that skill at all, lol. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[aromulus]

The only annoying thing that Jet experienced at the CFO in Cebu, was for them to screw up the order the documents were in, and to have them all photocopied, even if they only needed a couple....:Erm:

Funny tho, that the copying service they recommemded was very close to the CFO office....:Erm:

Kickbacks there then.....:omg:

[Arthur Little]

Arthur.............

If you try to quote someone, just include the "" bit at the end of it, huh...???:rolleyes:[/QUOTE]

Sure thing. Must try and remember that. But you know what the memory can be like when you reach a certain age ... oops :Erm: maybe you don't ... not yet, anyway!

[bornatbirth]

wont be long??? :Erm: :icon_lol::Bolt:

[aromulus]

" [/B] bit at the end of it, huh...???:rolleyes:[/SIZE]

Sure thing. Must try and remember that. But you know what the memory can be like when you reach a certain age ... oops :Erm: maybe you don't ... not yet, anyway![/QUOTE]

I would rather have parkinsons than alzheimers, better to spill some beer than forgetting where it has been left....:doh

[Arthur Little]

I would rather have parkinsons than alzheimers, better to spill some beer than forgetting where it has been left....:doh

:iagree:

[Mrs Daddy]

Same as johncar said we have to be inventive as they`re not gonna hire a detective for this.I had that question as well before and I managed to answer them all as I knew most of the answers.The thing that get on my nerves was I didnt brought any photo of me and my husband as I never thought it was needed and they said we have to come back and bring some photo together:NoNo::NoNo::NoNo: we`re from Cagayan de Oro and flewn Cebu to attend this seminar and we have to come back again for a piece of photo:doh to give them evidence that we are really genuine couple I just thought marriage certificate would prove better that we`re genuine couple than a photo:doh:NoNo::NoNo::cwm23: and to add one of the worker there advise me to pruchase a top coz am wearing a sleeveless and said its a nun`s place and I should look respectable:doh:Cuckoo::Cuckoo:whatever:furious3: respectable my:action-smiley-081::action-smiley-081::action-smiley-081:

[Arthur Little]

I would rather have parkinsons than alzheimers, better to spill some beer than forgetting where it has been left....:doh

:cwm25: ... now what did I DO with that ... ? :66: ...
... oh ... er, um ... Cheers! :Beer:

[Tawi2]

Pardon my ignorance,but what exactly are the "Orientation" classes supposed to be for?Orientation is to emotionally,functionally or intellectually direct someone?Whats the purpose?Just another money-maker for pinas?:Erm:

[Sophie]

Pardon my ignorance,but what exactly are the "Orientation" classes supposed to be for?Orientation is to emotionally,functionally or intellectually direct someone?Whats the purpose?Just another money-maker for pinas?:Erm:

That orientation is suppose to be given to those filipinos who are traveling abroad and a lecture will be conducted to them about the basic facts of the country they're going to and what to expect when they get there as well as the legal and human rights they are entitled to. That's how the orientation should be, and it's not free, it's paid for. But it's absurd to pay for an orientation that doesn't orient me in any way about the country i'm bound to go to, and instead, banco de oro conducted an orientation about foreign remittance and distributed bank application forms for us to open an account :doh :icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[Mrs Daddy]

Pardon my ignorance,but what exactly are the "Orientation" classes supposed to be for?Orientation is to emotionally,functionally or intellectually direct someone?Whats the purpose?Just another money-maker for pinas?:Erm:

emotionally blackmail by watching those video of filipinas`s who`s been abused by their husband,partners and boyfriend unfortunately they ended up in unlucky relationship but afterall thats not the same for everybody.I understand their warning and precautions and call it concerns but not to the highest level:NoNo::NoNo::NoNo:

[johncar54]

Pardon my ignorance,but what exactly are the "Orientation" classes supposed to be for?Orientation is to emotionally,functionally or intellectually direct someone?Whats the purpose?Just another money-maker for pinas?:Erm:




When we went through the CFO process I was disturbed by what I saw and heard and I made enquiries regarding the right to question people.

I was assured that the object of the seminars is to inform Filipinos intended to live in other countries what their rights are in those lands and how they can protect themselves from abusive employers, husbands etc.

The course was established following a number of serious cases of abuse, some resulting in death.

Thus the object is fine but the problem, as I see it, is that there is insufficient supervision to ensure the objects are being achieved and that the persons attending are not, ironically, being subjected to unreasonable behave by the persons providing the service.

I had hopped by bring the problem of how the interviews were being conducted, to the attention at a senior level, someone would pick up on it and monitor what was happening. That was three years ago. Alas that has not happened.

If I could see a way to bring about some proper supervision, which would thus protect the object of the process, I would do so but I don’t understand sufficiently the bureaucratic system in the Philippines, or maybe, having tried to correct faults in the IB system, and failed, I should accept that it is not yet possible to fix such problems.


PS
‘Orientation’ I believe the use of the word by CFO, means:- to ensure that people going to other countries know ‘where they are’ regarding their rights, and maybe their duties.

[estherboaz]

i agree to you John

[misscarie]

[QUOTE=Sophie;137511][i thought everything's done (submitted all the requirements, id picture taken, a little interview, etc) only to find out that i need to give them my MOTHER IN LAW'S MAIDEN NAME :doh:doh How in hell would i know???? Since it's not a common practice for brits to show or use their middle name, even on my hubby's passport, only his first name and last name is shown there. So i told the staff there that i will try to call but i might have a hard time since its only around 2:30 AM in uk and i kept ringing my hubby's celphone for several times and he just won't wake up, (of course, who would expect a call at such unholy hour :doh)/QUOTE]

:D same here Sophie the interviewee asked my mother in laws maiden name weird :doh i fone my husband to ask and it was only 3:30am hahaha good thing he answered it :D