Can you forgive someone who has deeply hurt you? [Archive]

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Jay&Zobel

24th May 2009, 23:07

?????

Tawi2

24th May 2009, 23:11

No.

somebody

24th May 2009, 23:24

Depends on how long it took to wait to be repaired in A and E. Oh not that sort of hurt umm sometimes its not worth hating somebody or forgiving them just forget the issue and move on, removing them from your life.

At the end of the day you have to first look after your self, way to many people waste valuable time trying to cope with similar issues. Wasting vauable days,weeks and years in their lifes.

So I say Carry on, if fate says you should be back together somehow it will happen otherwise enjoy life.

Seen to many incompatiable people try to change either one, the other or both of themsleves. rarely seems to work.

charlwill

24th May 2009, 23:44

?????
Time heals all wounds. IMO, we can forgive but not tend to forget what he/she has done to us.

Eljohno

24th May 2009, 23:51

Yes!!

But some find it harder than others!

Sophie

24th May 2009, 23:52

Yes i can and i did :xxgrinning--00xx3:
I was able to forgive, i got over the pain but i did not forget the pain.
Just like having a scar, when you look at it, you forget what and how you got it as it doesn't hurt anymore but you remember how it hurt back when it was still fresh specially the very moment you just got cut and bleeding.
Forgiving is one thing, forgetting is another.
But it's not the person you don't forget, it's the pain you felt at the moment you were going through it.
Bygone's :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Jay&Zobel

24th May 2009, 23:53

Time heals all wounds. IMO, we can forgive but not tend to forget what he/she has done to us.

but why not forgive & forget? then move on? lol... easy to say than done...hmmm///

:Erm::NoNo::Erm::D

Arthur Little

24th May 2009, 23:58

?????

:xxsport-smiley-002:Only with GREAT difficulty ... and even then, a lot would depend upon the circumstances and/or the manner in which he/she/they did so.

charlwill

25th May 2009, 00:06

but why not forgive & forget? then move on? lol... easy to say than done...hmmm///

:Erm::NoNo::Erm::D
It's easy to forgive but not to forget specially if you hurt deeply. But then of course, it really depends on how big or small the damage.

irobot

25th May 2009, 00:47

Irobot..." Sunny Different From The Rest...":Britain:

ref :- Can you forgive someone who has deeply hurt you?

NO !!....

Sorry, But there are some boundaries that can not be crossed,it is a matter of personal principles ..... Phil...

PAT

25th May 2009, 00:58

I think yes in time......

Arthur Little

25th May 2009, 00:59

Sorry, But there are some boundaries that can not be crossed,it is a matter of personal principles ..... Phil...

I suppose if I were to be truly honest with myself here, Phil, I would have to say ":iagree:"

Arthur Little

25th May 2009, 01:10

I think yes in time......

... hmm, perhapsss ... again, depending on the nature of the hurt. But, on balance, :rolleyes: I'm still in agreement with Phil's reasoning.

simonline

25th May 2009, 01:39

Arthur Little

25th May 2009, 02:17

For me yes :).... I'm thankful to them they made me strong person. And forgiving is for me is one key to be more HAPPY.

The priest told me when i asked for an advice when I'm deeply hurt and very depressed. He said forgive him and stop thinking about what happened because its like a wound if you keep touching or scratching it will not heal and will always hurt you. And dont forget to pray to God and ask for help to forget someone because it's not really easy that's why we have TIME. Time to heal. :)

Sound advice from a much respected figure, I have to admit! Even so, there are certain things that happened to me in my working life which I find hard to dismiss 20 and more years on. Nor can I forget the bullying :NoNo: I was subjected to at school - from teachers and fellow pupils alike - upwards of half a century ago. The memory of such treatment, alas is never likely to fade.

However, we can agree to disagree here as, after all, debate is what this (or indeed any kind of forum) is all about. So I would like to extend a warm welcome to you. :)

SurvivingAngel

25th May 2009, 04:31

:xxsport-smiley-002:Only with GREAT difficulty ... and even then, a lot would depend upon the circumstances and/or the manner in which he/she/they did so.

For some people Yes, with GREAT DIFFICULTY. However, they find it difficult because they adhere to the belief that they have not done anything wrong. Some people are too self-righteous and opinionated and would not listen to reasons and explanations and even ruling out the fact that they, too, have contributed to the reasons why other people have hurt them.

Some people detest being lied to without realizing that they, too, are big liars. Some people want to know everything about their partners but withholding information about themselves. Yet, they are the ones who are obstinately reluctant to forgive.

aposhark

25th May 2009, 06:46

Forgiveness may not be easy to do straight away, but in the end it is good to forgive as then it becomes easy to move on.

None of us are perfect.

aromulus

25th May 2009, 07:01

Gouging eyes out with a blunt wooden spoon count as yes or no....????:Erm:

pennybarry

25th May 2009, 08:01

If someone asked for forgiveness, I can easily be pleased. Rather than living in hatred. That's why I don't really understand people why they choose to live in hatred and hard for them to forgive and forget.:NoNo:

I believed, When we hate, we destroy our own happiness and love of life. Our pain is not lessened when we respond with hatred

Long time ago my friend hooked my BF and they didn't tell me. Someone told me about it and I was deeply hurt. I haven't heard any forgiveness from my friend. But after few years, I told her if you can't asked for forgiveness, YOU ARE FORGIVEN.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

maria_and_matt

25th May 2009, 08:23

No, there is really just no reason why people should hurt each other, I do my best to be mindful of not hurting others. I have been deeply hurt by people in the past and i can surely say that I still have not forgiven them.

adam&chryss

25th May 2009, 09:59

Forgive? Absolutely YES. But can't forget about it.

Florge

25th May 2009, 10:34

there should be another button that says: Depends... LOL.. but yes, I can forgive.. in time... Life is too short to have enemies.. and I don't want to have an unfinished business when I die.

jimeve

25th May 2009, 10:53

keithAngel

25th May 2009, 10:56

No problem with forgiveness its certainly possible to do that but in the situation of relationships that may still mean that whilst forgiving the other and even understanding that one has reached the end of the road in terms of being together.

As Mr Robot says its a question of boundries and I agree with Somebody to re move on whilst not forgetting any good times either:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Mrs.JMajor

25th May 2009, 11:01

Base on the question "DEEPLY HURT"...as in deeply...NO, :NoNo:

bornatbirth

25th May 2009, 11:31

it all depends who and what they did to hurt you?

and how they react to you afterwards!

i couldnt live with hatred for ever i will be hurt at first but forgive them later but at my own time,i guess we are all human and not perfect so at some point we will make mistakes.

it really does depend on how they hurt you,i cant talk for anyone else but some times why someone has done something isnt always clear and if you can understand why they did it them that can lead to forgiveness?

Piamed

25th May 2009, 11:46

Jay&Zobel

25th May 2009, 15:08

:xxsport-smiley-002:Only with GREAT difficulty ... and even then, a lot would depend upon the circumstances and/or the manner in which he/she/they did so.

NO !!....

Sorry, But there are some boundaries that can not be crossed,it is a matter of personal principles ..... Phil...

I suppose if I were to be truly honest with myself here, Phil, I would have to say ":iagree:"

I think yes in time......

... hmm, perhapsss ... again, depending on the nature of the hurt. But, on balance, :rolleyes: I'm still in agreement with Phil's reasoning.

For me yes :).... I'm thankful to them they made me strong person. And forgiving is for me is one key to be more HAPPY.

The priest told me when i asked for an advice when I'm deeply hurt and very depressed. He said forgive him and stop thinking about what happened because its like a wound if you keep touching or scratching it will not heal and will always hurt you. And dont forget to pray to God and ask for help to forget someone because it's not really easy that's why we have TIME. Time to heal. :)

Sound advice from a much respected figure, I have to admit! Even so, there are certain things that happened to me in my working life which I find hard to dismiss 20 and more years on. Nor can I forget the bullying :NoNo: I was subjected to at school - from teachers and fellow pupils alike - upwards of half a century ago. The memory of such treatment, alas is never likely to fade.

However, we can agree to disagree here as, after all, debate is what this (or indeed any kind of forum) is all about. So I would like to extend a warm welcome to you. :)

:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:haha haha... Make up your mind Arthur lol...

SO I SEE YOUR ANSWER IS: IT DEPENDS LOL..:Erm::icon_lol::icon_lol::Rasp::D:D:D

Jay&Zobel

25th May 2009, 15:31

Depends on how long it took to wait to be repaired in A and E.

:D:D:Dlo;:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

Yes!!

But some find it harder than others!

indeed!

Forgiveness may not be easy to do straight away, but in the end it is good to forgive as then it becomes easy to move on.
None of us are perfect.

Very true...

I believed, When we hate, we destroy our own happiness and love of life. Our pain is not lessened when we respond with hatred

I agree wth you here Penny...:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3: But but but...chocolate butt...lol...hmmm?

No, there is really just no reason why people should hurt each other, I do my best to be mindful of not hurting others. I have been deeply hurt by people in the past and i can surely say that I still have not forgiven them.

Yep! the golden rule...

there should be another button that says: Depends... LOL..

:Erm::D:xxgrinning--00xx3:

A good question. In principle yes. Depending on what it is the person has done, I may never permit them to be in a position where they can do that again. True forgiveness has no memory so I guess I'm not perfect.

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::D:NoNo::Erm::omg::D:D

hmmm... hehehe...
now it's even more confusing lol...

but hey, whatever? hmmm... maybe... ah well.... (mind isnt working atm lol):D:icon_lol::cwm34::Erm:

Tawi2

25th May 2009, 15:47

Might forgive them when they are pushing up daisys :Erm:

Mrs Daddy

25th May 2009, 17:41

It depends on the situation:Erm:

JudyHon

25th May 2009, 18:01

Yes, one chance is enough :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Arthur Little

25th May 2009, 18:20

tiN

25th May 2009, 21:18

I will say maybe :rolleyes:

It is really depends on what situation u are in, possibly forgive but will never forget it :D

Tawi2

25th May 2009, 23:02

To err is human to forgive divine:cwm38:But revenge is a dish best served cold :xxgrinning--00xx3::icon_lol:

irobot

25th May 2009, 23:17

Irobot..." Sunny Different From The Rest..." :Britain:

I have to agree with Mrs.JMajor as BASIC QUESTION with no specific question asked on the survey.

This is a view poll made up of 4 choices Only :-
Can you forgive someone who have deeply hurt you?
1= Yes
2= No
3= Maybe
4= No Comment
===========

And ... I still say NO ...

BUT..After the poll we put in some WHAT IF`S.... That will be a Can of Worms indeed some people here may just not want to open ...Phil...

Jay&Zobel

25th May 2009, 23:37

:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:haha haha... Make up your mind Arthur lol...

SO I SEE YOUR ANSWER IS: IT DEPENDS LOL..:Erm::icon_lol::icon_lol::Rasp::D:D:D

Women are allowed to change their minds ... so why shouldn't MEN be? :rolleyes:

hahaha... yep, of course you are allowed to change your mind, lol...

Actually, you're probably correct, Zobel. Based on certain 'life experiences' :Bricks: [probably best forgotten] my initial reaction was to vote 'No' :NoNo: but, I guess - having gone through the many and varied responses with a "fine toothcomb" - I'm now beginning to feel more inclined to lean towards 'It Depends'. But would you interpret such a "change of heart" as 'Maybe'?

That's the thing! it's just so confusing. My heart is telling me to just forgive & forget but my ego is so saying: FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, YOU HAVE HURT BY THEM WHY BOTHER!!! GRRRR... (they might hurt me again...:bigcry::bigcry::Brick::Brick::Brick:)

CAN I still change my vote before close of poll without disrupting the figures already submitted?

I don't know how to change the poll :) plus there aint a deadline for voting too...

Incidentally, I'd like to commend you on raising such a well-thought-out topic:idea: for debate. You don't happen to be a behavioural psychologist by any chance, do you?

Thank you :):) and no I am not a psycholigist lol :D:D I just randomly asked it... lol... :doh:Cuckoo::cwm3::Help1::Help1::D:D:D

Jay&Zobel

25th May 2009, 23:39

irobot

25th May 2009, 23:57

Irobot..." Sunny Different From The Rest..." :Britain:

I Fail to see what is confusing here.... Still NOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!...

:ARsurrender:*Lets not make a big thing out of what I said and forget I even said put in some What if`s as I would not like to upset the mood of this forum as it seems to be all fluffy bunny rabbits and tommy tippy ...* and stick with the original topic....

PS....by the way i have perfect eyesight with no need for glasses as yet

pennybarry

26th May 2009, 07:41

i couldnt live with hatred for ever i will be hurt at first but forgive them later but at my own time,i guess we are all human and not perfect so at some point we will make mistakes.

We have something in common:xxgrinning--00xx3:

I agree wth you here Penny...:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3: But but but...chocolate butt...lol...hmmm?

Butt again?:omg: Just really my favourite icon.
Can't help you with that but can give you advise.
Tell Admin to delete that icon.:D:action-smiley-081:

Arthur Little

26th May 2009, 11:34

:rolleyes: Interesting to observe the way in which the number of 'Maybes' has steadily climbed higher and higher in the few days since this poll was introduced. I'd wager it won't be too long before it overtakes the others. After all, as humans, none of us is infallible, and it is therefore inevitable that the answers we provide will reflect our individual perception of the nature of the 'hurt'. Put in simple terms, it largely depends on "this, that or the other" [set of circumstances] at any given time. Does this make sense?

Arthur Little

26th May 2009, 11:57

To err is human to forgive divine:cwm38:

And NONE of us is God, after all! :NoNo:

Arthur Little

26th May 2009, 12:02

But revenge is a dish best served cold :xxgrinning--00xx3::icon_lol:

"Vengeance is mine! :CompBuster:" sayeth the Lord.

SurvivingAngel

26th May 2009, 15:08

A good question. In principle yes. Depending on what it is the person has done, I may never permit them to be in a position where they can do that again. True forgiveness has no memory so I guess I'm not perfect.

I have been hurt many times by the people I love. I have forgiven them many times as my love for them prevails.

I have also told myself I would never give them another chance to hurt me again. However, LOVE is just too strong that it outweighs the pain and I still find myself forgiving them, welcoming them back in to my life again despite the pain they have given me.

islander

26th May 2009, 16:35

YES!

as long as one humbly admitted his fault/mistake & would promise not to do it again.

aromulus

26th May 2009, 16:55

I think that subcutaneous injections of salt and chilli water, eyelid removal, insertion of cocktail stick under the fingernails and raw teeth drilling a' la "Marathon Man" would just do the jobby.....:rolleyes:

Mrs Daddy

26th May 2009, 17:21

Maybe it depends on the situation!:D

Alec&Davina

26th May 2009, 19:13

it depends on how deeply they've hurt me.

bornatbirth

26th May 2009, 21:04

i cant of hurt all of you!

but whatever i did im sorry?

Piamed

26th May 2009, 21:39

I have been hurt many times by the people I love. I have forgiven them many times as my love for them prevails.

I have also told myself I would never give them another chance to hurt me again. However, LOVE is just too strong that it outweighs the pain and I still find myself forgiving them, welcoming them back in to my life again despite the pain they have given me.
Welcome them back with love certainly my sister 7x70 :) However, I also subscribe to scriptural guidance on wisdom, welcome them back, no problem at all but to constantly also allow myself and others to be vulnerable to the consequences derived from the actions of others is not always wise.

Jay&Zobel

27th May 2009, 19:22

Welcome them back with love certainly my sister 7x70 :)

7x70 indeed... hmmm... but... lol :bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::D:D:D:D:D:D

However, I also subscribe to scriptural guidance on wisdom, welcome them back, no problem at all but to constantly also allow myself and others to be vulnerable to the consequences derived from the actions of others is not always wise.

so better to avoid them then...hehhe....:D:D

eagles

28th May 2009, 06:17

no one is perfect.. DO UNTO OTHERS AS WHAT YOU WANT OTHERS DO UNTO YOU..

Arthur Little

29th May 2009, 00:43

no one is perfect.. DO UNTO OTHERS AS WHAT YOU WANT OTHERS DO UNTO YOU..

... better still ... DO UNTO OTHERS, AS THEY WOULD DO UNTO YOU ... ONLY, DO IT FIRST! :lol2:

John Chingford

29th May 2009, 10:47

John Chingford

29th May 2009, 10:57

I have many times been deeply hurt by the way so called friends have treated me. I can absolutely testify that (with God's help) you can forgive. It is just a question of first knowing you MUST forgive, secondly, knowing it is possible, thirdly knowing that you must activate it as soon as possible for your own good. Apparently many illnesses can start from having an unforgiving attitude. Bitterness is a VERY bad thing and can cripple you.

The best thing to do is have a forgiving heart at all times and a generous spirit towards them. If they seek forgiveness receive them with open arms. If they do not change and you cannot trust them a different matter. You must still forgive but that doesn't mean they can still remain your friend or that you can trust them. They need to earn back your trust. But love them anyway, but be wary of them

JudyHon

29th May 2009, 12:47

eagles

29th May 2009, 13:04

arthur Thanks for sharing the same personal value as mine....

John Chingford

29th May 2009, 13:17

Which of us are perfect that never hurt anybody (hands on hearts here - be honest). The world would be a better place if we could all forgive those who are deeply apologetic. How can we stand in the place of God and think we have the right standing to judge one another. In God's eyes none of us would stand if it wasn't for Christ being penalised by the Father, taking our place. If those who have wronged us are unrepentant then you just need to let them go, but let go of your hurt. Please see my previous comments regarding how we can forgive

Arthur Little

29th May 2009, 13:17

Not sure Option 4 is necessary? :Erm::)

:gp: ... it ISN'T! ... because if any reader didn't wish to pass comment, he/she wouldn't - or shouldn't - enter into the debate in the first place.

Jay&Zobel

29th May 2009, 13:24

It is much easier to forgive if you have experienced the wonderful forgiving power of Jesus. When you come face to face with the holiness/perfection of God you suddenly realise how wretched we ALL are in God's sight in comparison with HIS absolute glory. The fact that Jesus suffered God's wrath (in our place) for the terror of our sinful nature so that we can receive HIS forgiveness enables us to forgive others. Jesus said that if (after all this forgiveness) if we still do not forgive those who fail us (a much lower debt in comparison) we cease to benefit from God's forgiveness.

I have many times been deeply hurt by the way so called friends have treated me. I can absolutely testify that (with God's help) you can forgive. It is just a question of first knowing you MUST forgive, secondly, knowing it is possible, thirdly knowing that you must activate it as soon as possible for your own good. Apparently many illnesses can start from having an unforgiving attitude. Bitterness is a VERY bad thing and can cripple you.

The best thing to do is have a forgiving heart at all times and a generous spirit towards them. If they seek forgiveness receive them with open arms. If they do not change and you cannot trust them a different matter. You must still forgive but that doesn't mean they can still remain your friend or that you can trust them. They need to earn back your trust. But love them anyway, but be wary of them

Very well said :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Arthur Little

29th May 2009, 13:44

:rolleyes: I'd wager it won't be too long before it overtakes the others.

Seems my guess is being proved "WRONG"! :cwm24: ... according to the present position of the poll indicator, at least. Does this mean we are starting to mirror God's image? ... or simply becoming more "thick-skinned"?

JudyHon

29th May 2009, 14:42

A friend in this situation once told me 'I can forgive, but I can never forget'...

:)

Sophie

29th May 2009, 22:15

Bitterness is a VERY bad thing and can cripple you.
The best thing to do is have a forgiving heart at all times and a generous spirit towards them. If they seek forgiveness receive them with open arms. If they do not change and you cannot trust them a different matter. You must still forgive but that doesn't mean they can still remain your friend or that you can trust them. They need to earn back your trust. But love them anyway, but be wary of them

I couldn't agree more :xxgrinning--00xx3: Very well said john & bambi :xxgrinning--00xx3:

pennybarry

31st May 2009, 08:03

The world would be a better place if we could all forgive those who are deeply apologetic. How can we stand in the place of God and think we have the right standing to judge one another.

You're right:xxgrinning--00xx3: Sometimes I can't understand those people who judge and hate a person whom they didn't meet and seen yet.

Living with hatred to people you didn't even see and meet is really horrendous.:NoNo:

telford

31st May 2009, 15:33

?????

no

womaninlove

4th June 2009, 05:04

opps..double post.

womaninlove

4th June 2009, 05:07

sure I can forgive him But never forget what he has done to me on how he made me feel. It is better to disconnect that person in my life. I'm afraid he will hurt me again. :( life is too short to live and to suffer with a person who is "genetically cold" and never change his backward behaviour. I'm glad he's gone in my life.

fred

4th June 2009, 11:26

Dont go to bed hurt and angry.
Stay up and plot your revenge.

Sophie

4th June 2009, 11:39

Dont go to bed hurt and angry.
Stay up and plot your revenge.

I am aware of the saying "Never go to bed angry" but "Stay up and plot your revenge?" :Erm: Thats a new one, quite interesting actually, i wonder if it's worth a try? :Erm::D:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

John Chingford

5th June 2009, 01:55

Sophie HUH???????? Surprised you said that?????? Obviously you are joking! We as Christians have been forgiven much by God. He who is forgiven much, loves much. Therefore as Christians we can forgive anything because NOTHING compares with how much God has forgiven us through the death of Jesus on the cross. How can we dare withhold forgiveness? Who do we think we are? Are we God, that we have the right for vengence. Bible says "vengence is mine says the Lord". Bible teaches us if we do not forgive, we will not experience God's forgiveness. Only God has the right to bring judgement on a guilty act - not us. Jesus said that holding onto unforgiveness is like putting yourself into your own dungeon. You will not get out until you can forgive.

John Chingford

5th June 2009, 02:01

I wrote the following on page 2 of this thread. In case the message gets lost on page 3 I write it out again.

It is much easier to forgive if you have experienced the wonderful forgiving power of Jesus. When you come face to face with the holiness/perfection of God you suddenly realise how wretched we ALL are in God's sight in comparison with HIS absolute glory. The fact that Jesus suffered God's wrath (in our place) for the terror of our sinful nature so that we can receive HIS forgiveness enables us to forgive others. Jesus said that if (after all this forgiveness) if we still do not forgive those who fail us (a much lower debt in comparison) we cease to benefit from God's forgiveness.

I have many times been deeply hurt by the way so called friends have treated me. I can absolutely testify that (with God's help) you can forgive. It is just a question of first knowing you MUST forgive, secondly, knowing it is possible, thirdly knowing that you must activate it as soon as possible for your own good. Apparently many illnesses can start from having an unforgiving attitude. Bitterness is a VERY bad thing and can cripple you.

The best thing to do is have a forgiving heart at all times and a generous spirit towards them. If they seek forgiveness receive them with open arms. If they do not change and you cannot trust them a different matter. You must still forgive but that doesn't mean they can still remain your friend or that you can trust them. They need to earn back your trust. But love them anyway, but be wary of them

Which of us are perfect that never hurt anybody (hands on hearts here - be honest). The world would be a better place if we could all forgive those who are deeply apologetic. How can we stand in the place of God and think we have the right standing to judge one another. In God's eyes none of us would stand if it wasn't for Christ being penalised by the Father, taking our place. If those who have wronged us are unrepentant then you just need to let them go, but let go of your hurt.

John Chingford

5th June 2009, 02:06

The bible quotes "do not let the sun go down on your anger". So the quote "do not go to bed angry" is actually a bible quote. Just thought you would like to know.

Sophie

5th June 2009, 07:51

Sophie HUH???????? Surprised you said that?????? Obviously you are joking!

Hi john and bambi :) Yes that was meant as a joke, lol:D:icon_lol::icon_lol:
Just making a humor out of someone's post :icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

Jay&Zobel

5th June 2009, 13:57

We as Christians have been forgiven much by God. He who is forgiven much, loves much. Therefore as Christians we can forgive anything because NOTHING compares with how much God has forgiven us through the death of Jesus on the cross. How can we dare withhold forgiveness? Who do we think we are? Are we God, that we have the right for vengence. Bible says "vengence is mine says the Lord". Bible teaches us if we do not forgive, we will not experience God's forgiveness. Only God has the right to bring judgement on a guilty act - not us. Jesus said that holding onto unforgiveness is like putting yourself into your own dungeon. You will not get out until you can forgive.

I wrote the following on page 2 of this thread. In case the message gets lost on page 3 I write it out again.

It is much easier to forgive if you have experienced the wonderful forgiving power of Jesus. When you come face to face with the holiness/perfection of God you suddenly realise how wretched we ALL are in God's sight in comparison with HIS absolute glory. The fact that Jesus suffered God's wrath (in our place) for the terror of our sinful nature so that we can receive HIS forgiveness enables us to forgive others. Jesus said that if (after all this forgiveness) if we still do not forgive those who fail us (a much lower debt in comparison) we cease to benefit from God's forgiveness.

I have many times been deeply hurt by the way so called friends have treated me. I can absolutely testify that (with God's help) you can forgive. It is just a question of first knowing you MUST forgive, secondly, knowing it is possible, thirdly knowing that you must activate it as soon as possible for your own good. Apparently many illnesses can start from having an unforgiving attitude. Bitterness is a VERY bad thing and can cripple you.

The best thing to do is have a forgiving heart at all times and a generous spirit towards them. If they seek forgiveness receive them with open arms. If they do not change and you cannot trust them a different matter. You must still forgive but that doesn't mean they can still remain your friend or that you can trust them. They need to earn back your trust. But love them anyway, but be wary of them

Which of us are perfect that never hurt anybody (hands on hearts here - be honest). The world would be a better place if we could all forgive those who are deeply apologetic. How can we stand in the place of God and think we have the right standing to judge one another. In God's eyes none of us would stand if it wasn't for Christ being penalised by the Father, taking our place. If those who have wronged us are unrepentant then you just need to let them go, but let go of your hurt.

The bible quotes "do not let the sun go down on your anger". So the quote "do not go to bed angry" is actually a bible quote. Just thought you would like to know.

I am so blessed with your messages.. Thank you...

This is a realization:
Galatians 5:19-21 (NLT):
When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, your lives will produce these evil results: sexual immorality, impure thoughts, eagerness for lustful pleasure, idolatry, participation in demonic activities, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, divisions, the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own little group, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other kinds of sin. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

Wow! I thought, this means most of us aren't even coming close to what we're meant to be.

I can forgive, I know I can... I just need to forgive myself first (and that will happen..NOW)!!! :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Thank you so much for all your replies thank you! :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

pumpkins

5th June 2009, 17:02

yes i can forgive and once i forgive, i forget the person who deeply hurt me because they are not worth thinking of..they bloody nightmares :cwm23:

John Chingford

5th June 2009, 22:15

I am so blessed with your messages.. Thank you...

This is a realization:
Galatians 5:19-21 (NLT):
When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, your lives will produce these evil results: sexual immorality, impure thoughts, eagerness for lustful pleasure, idolatry, participation in demonic activities, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, divisions, the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own little group, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other kinds of sin. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

Wow! I thought, this means most of us aren't even coming close to what we're meant to be.

I can forgive, I know I can... I just need to forgive myself first (and that will happen..NOW)!!! :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Thank you so much for all your replies thank you! :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Thanks for those words. If you like what I have written, please give me reputation points to improve my standing on the forum. Thanks:)

John Chingford

5th June 2009, 22:25

You are right that none of us live close to that list, but that passage is not saying that if we dont we do not go to Heaven. The whole letter to Galatians was written because some people were trying to get the gentile and jewish believers to return back to the law. Paul was pointing out that the law has never and can never save us because of our corrupt sinful nature. However, being filled with the Holy Spirit produces a change in us. We are being changed from one degree of glory to another and He who began a good work in us will bring it to completion throughout our lives as long as we do not try to save ourselves by works but allow the Holy Spirit to have His way in us.

Paul is pointing out that if we try to enter the kingdom of God by our own works we will fail. But he also stated that "thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ that he has been set free from the law of sin and death" and we are now free to walk in newness of life by the power of the Holy Spirit

Mrs.JMajor

5th June 2009, 23:52

please give me reputation points to improve my standing on the forum. Thanks:)

Lol, stop saying that rep power, you just make me laugh:doh:icon_lol:

John Chingford

7th June 2009, 22:14

Lol, stop saying that rep power, you just make me laugh:doh:icon_lol:

Huh???? :yikes: What is it that makes you laugh? I thought that the more rep points i get means I get more facilities on the website? Is that not true?:icon_lol:

aryM

8th June 2009, 07:57

but I can't forget about it.

It will be hard for others, but i do believe that "time heals all wounds" but no matter how much you have forgiven a person, still you can not forget what he/she has done,.. and because of this there will some changes on the relationship, the closeness of each other will not be the same anymore., or the trust can't be brought back...:rolleyes:

John Chingford

8th June 2009, 14:19

Hi AryM, I would like to requote a part of one of my posts in answer to you:

"The best thing to do is have a forgiving heart at all times and a generous spirit towards them. If they seek forgiveness receive them with open arms. If they do not change and you cannot trust them a different matter. You must still forgive but that doesn't mean they can still remain your friend or that you can trust them. They need to earn back your trust. But love them anyway, but be wary of them"

Of course it is much easier to do this if we are talking about friends/enemies but if you are referring to a husband - not so easy. Very delicate.

If a husband or wife has done something which hurts deeply it IS very difficult to continue your life as if nothing happened. It DID happen! You are not expected to forget it, but you should forgive!

The bible says that God remembers our sins no more. It doesn't say He forgets because God is perfect and cannot forget but He CHOOSES to remember no more. A matter of choice to choose not to keep bringing it back up in your thoughts. If your husband shows evidence of remorse you should forgive. If the fruit of his remorse shows a change of heart in him, it IS possible to regain your trust in him. Yes, it may take time but where forgiveness abounds hurts heal much more quickly. But what if he is not remorseful or does not have a change of heart? What should you do?

It all depends upon what he has done. In the case of adultery, if he refuses to change there is only one option open according to the bible and that is separation, but NOT divorce. The bible teaches that if 2 people cannot resolve their differences they should remain separated until they can be reconciled, but they are not allowed to remarry someone else because in God's eyes the first 2 are still married together. However, this rule is specifically for born-again committed christians, who seek to put God first in their lives.

I wrote this on the thread entitled

What do you think? should love should be unconditional? I think it might be appropriate.

"Love is not love if it is conditional - it is purely selfish love. ie "I will love you if you do this or that". Where is the security in a relationship if one or the other always wonders if they are meeting the conditions or not. I mean, will you ever be secure that the other partner is not going to leave because you have not satisfied them enough. For a marriage to work it is important to understand that it is a lifetime committment NO MATTER WHAT in God's eyes. The law of the land should NEVER overide what God set in place. Two people should understand (before they get married) that it should be a lifetime committment with NO conditions set on each other apart from loving each other. If either of the parties is not prepared for that, they should NOT get married!

I can empathise and sympathise with those marriages where one of the partners totally lives for themselves.

It is indeed true that the only one who shows unconditional love is Jesus. It is not true that He puts conditions on that love. Ephesians chapter 2 says that we are saved by grace (God's unmerited favour, unearned) not by works, ie there are no "works" required as a condition to receive that love. All we need to do is simply believe on Him (after presenting your soul to Him in repentance) and rest on the assurance that you can now experience His love unconditionally because He has made you clean inside and out from your sinful nature. So from that moment, the relationship with God is like a marriage. It is a contract which we both enter into. Once you decide to receive Him as your Saviour He will love you without conditions because He has bought you with His blood into His family. He will NEVER cease to love you from that moment - no matter what you do.

The greek word "AGAPE" means divine love and is unconditional love. It is agape love referred to in 1 Corinthians 13 when it says love is patient, love is kind, love is long suffering, love bears all things etc. Actually we of ourselves cannot achieve this in our sinful fallen nature. This is divine love. However, with Jesus living in us through His Holy Spirit we are empowered to manage that sort of love.

Regards relationships: it is true that two people cannot function properly in a relationship if one does all the taking and the other all the giving. If two people are committed christians who love God first, the relationship is more likely to flourish but if one or both of you are not "born-again" by the Holy Spirit I think that ground rules are necessary because without divine love within your souls I think unconditional love is impossible.

But once you make the decision to get married then whatever happens you MUST do everything you can to make the marriage work because of your vows"

Arthur Little

8th June 2009, 19:52

Once you decide to receive Him as your Saviour He will love you without *conditions because He has bought you with His blood into His family. He will NEVER cease to love you from that moment - no matter what you do.

John, as an active Elder in the Church of Scotland for more than three decades, I'm prepared to take on board much of what you're trying to convey in this latest post. But, my mind keeps focussing on the above passage - which I've extracted for quotation here - because it would seem to imply that EVEN inherently-:icon_evil: dictators such as the likes of Adolf Hitler would've been absolved of the terrible atrocities they'd committed *if, [a *condition] by the end of their lives, they had professed Jesus Christ to be their Saviour.:ARsurrender: And this whole concept greatly troubles me ... I mean, surely, in God's Name, these people are utterly BEYOND redemption!

John Chingford

9th June 2009, 19:22

John, as an active Elder in the Church of Scotland for more than three decades, I'm prepared to take on board much of what you're trying to convey in this latest post. But, my mind keeps focussing on the above passage - which I've extracted for quotation here - because it would seem to imply that EVEN inherently-:icon_evil: dictators such as the likes of Adolf Hitler would've been absolved of the terrible atrocities they'd committed *if, [a *condition] by the end of their lives, they had professed Jesus Christ to be their Saviour.:ARsurrender: And this whole concept greatly troubles me ... I mean, surely, in God's Name, these people are utterly BEYOND redemption!

Remember the two criminals who were crucified with Jesus. "today you will be with me in paradise". Also the parable of the workers in the field. Those who worked hardest in the heat of the day complained that the master gave the same wage (salvation) to those who only worked 1 hour. The master said that He can show mercy if He wants to - it is His money (salvation).

However, I believe that some people can harden their hearts against God one too many times, that even though Jesus would still receive them (if they repented) they probably are incapable of repenting - eg Pharoah. Hitler may be one such person - maybe!

John Chingford

12th June 2009, 14:57

Someone responded to what I wrote privately. This persons question maybe is being asked by others. Therefore, I give my answer here too.

Only two of the 4 gospels specifically state the crime of the criminals. These gospels say the prominent 3 people (probably many others also were being crucified) were Jesus and 2 robbers. The impression given is that both these reviled Jesus at first but then the second one was probably suddenly convicted by the sheer holy and loving presence of Jesus. His eyes were opened to who Jesus was, he repented and then surrendered his soul to Jesus.

You may say that it is easier to forgive a robber for his sin. Maybe, but the point is that with God there are no degrees of sin because "all have sinned and fallen short of God's standard" Romans 3:23.

We put degrees on sin, but God sees that ALL our righteous acts (in comparison with God's perfection and glory) are like filthy rags. We ALL need God's mercy. The parable of the workers is that God has mercy on those he chooses to have mercy, which is EVERYONE who repents - even at the last minute. Thank God for that. What if it was you who had lived a life rejecting Christ and at the last minute (before death) you came to your senses, asking for His mercy and He said "too late". Mind you as none of us know the hour of our death I do not recommend you wait until then. Besides a lifetime of hardening your heart to God can result in a permanent hardness of conscience making it impossible for you to want salvation later.

Yes, you are right we are human and do not show signs (as unregenerate people) of being in God's image. The Bible says that Adam and Eve were perfect (in God's image) at the beginning until they succumbed to disobedience. From that moment on a decay began in their souls and bodies. The part of them that was in the image of God, died.

Please read Ephesians 2: 1-10. This is a wonderful passage showing what it is to be born again. It explains how receiving Jesus into our hearts brings our souls alive again. From the moment we receive Jesus as our Saviour He begins a work in us of transforming us little by litte. One of these changes is an ability to forgive.

Sangoma

17th June 2009, 12:21

If the hurt was caused by accident, yes, easily.

If the hurt was caused by a premeditated plan, no, but revenge would make it easier to live with.

Revenge would mean watching the person wallow in the mire of their bad karma, it is not likely anything more would be needed, as they would most likely self destruct, given enough rope :)

vbkelly

17th June 2009, 17:55

Might forgive them when they are pushing up daisys :Erm:

they are already forgiven ages ago lol

here's the prayer

Our Father, Who is in heaven,
Holy is Your Name;
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our sins,
as we forgive those who sin against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.