A few joke

[scotsfiancee]

One day, Craig came home and was greeted by Lisa dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" " Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."



:cwm24:

[gingxrick]

Hi Scots, so how are you coping with life in Scotland???, do you like it, I have just brought my wife ging back on the 16th October and she has told me she loves Bonny Scotland, anyway here is a joke for you ...

man couldnt make adam rise and wife told him to go to doctor's to see if he could help,
man to doctor...doctor I cant seem to make adam rise to pleasure my wife,
doctor to man.. well I can help you but I only have 1 pill left and it will only work 3 times,
man to doctor...well doctor if it works 3 times it will help to pleasure my wife she will be happy,
doctor to man... take this pill and when you want adam to rise just say toot toot,and when you want adam to go down just say shoooo,
the man leaves doctors room and wonders if it will really work so takes the pill and said toot toot WOW adam very hard,then said shooo and adam went back down,
so the man said to himself that leaves 2 for the wife, on the way home he crosses a bridge when a train come's in wow toot toot adam rise's very high and then down again...
so by this time the man is very desparate so runs home kicks the door open and said toot toot and his wife said shooo the baby is sleeping.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ....hope you like it from ricky and ging:Rasp: :Rasp:

[scotsfiancee]

Hahahah that makes me laugh..


Hey Ricky everything is good in here, am just wondering why people change the church into a bar or a flat. :cwm24:
yep went to some other places, been to highlands last sunday and its really nice. Opps balmoral castle is not open yet till July to end of sept so will just go back next time. Oww i went to the ski center in Braemar maybe i'll try for this coming winter :Rasp:

[Philip]

Hey Ricky everything is good in here, am just wondering why people change the church into a bar or a flat. :cwm24:


The majority of Scottish people prefer alcohol and bad music to holy water and hymns. :cwm3:

[scotsfiancee]

The majority of Scottish people prefer alcohol and bad music to holy water and hymns. :cwm3:

You're right :bigcry:

[fred]

Council Bin man goes to chinese takaway to collect rubbish but cant find the bin. He knocks on door to ask owner.

Bin man: WHERES YOUR BIN?
chinese: I BIN HONG KONG.
Bin man. NO...WHERES YOUR BIN?
chinese: I BIN HONG KONG!!!!
Bin man: LOOK MATE!! I WANNA KNOW WHERES YOUR BLOODY BIN!!
chinese.(raises voice) I TOW YA ,I BIN HONG KONG!!!
Bin man: OK OK.....WHERES YOUR WHEELY BIN???????

chinese: I WHEELY BIN HONG KONG!!

[fred]

Bloke sees a fisherman by the riverside with a good catch in his keep net.

Bloke: "Your doin alright mate!! What you usin for bait"?

Fisherman: "Liquorice"

Bloke: "Really??? What are you catching?

Fisherman: "All sorts"

[scotsfiancee]

Senior Sex


An older couple go to the Doctor. He asks the husbandif sex is still good, and if he has any questions.
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "
After having sexwith my wife I am usually hot and sweaty, and then,after I have sex with her the second time, I amusually cold and chilly.
" Surprised he can still do it twice, the Doc then seesthe wife. After examining the elderly wife, the doctorsaid, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have anymedical concerns that you would like to discuss withme?"
The lady replied that she had no questions orconcerns. The doctor then said to her:
"Your husband has anunusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot andsweaty after having sex with you the first time, andthen cold and chilly after the second time. Do youknow why?"
"Crazy old fart," she replied.
"That's because thefirst time is usually in July and the second time isin December!"

[Chrisirene]

Foreigner vs Vendor

Foreigner – hmmm banana.. how much the banana?
Vendor – 5p each Sir
Foreigner –hmmm delicious…what kind of banana is this?
Vendor- Saging(BANANA):doh
Foreigner-hmmm all banana I taste SAGING is the BEST :rolleyes:
:furious3:

[eljean]

:bigcry: :Cuckoo: :NEW1: :eek: :Blacklistthatsucks: :BlacklistThumbdown0