Good morning

[Grievous Angel]

Hello. This is my first posting, although I’ve followed this site for a fair while, have used the information available, read all the relevant posting…. and so for that, I’d like to say a big THANK YOU.

So…. my dilemma, my concern, plight, problem, predicament …

I met and wooed a Filipina woman, and I certainly thought “this is the one for me, this is who I want to be with, this is someone I can happily live the rest of my life with”.
So, we went ahead and applied for a fiancee visa.
(Why fiancee instead of getting married in the Philippines ? … because for at least a few years we’d need to live in the UK, so I wanted her to see the UK, understand the culture changes, appreciate the changes this would cause, and allow her to decide IF the UK was acceptable to her, as her happiness and well-being is paramount to me).

So… the visa was granted, and she arrived 4 months ago. Great, marvellous……
Well, yes, at first it was (and still is, as the good times are truly GREAT)….. but the tampo & jealousy & mood swings are destroying us, especially me.

I’d read about tampo, (also followed the threat on this site) had experienced it previously … but never like this ! And why …. the causes of this, and the jealousy ?.... I find it difficult to fathom or understand.

In the 4 mnths since she’s been here, I’ve changed my life to accommodate her, to be there for her, to support her, to encourage, to comfort her, to reassure.
I’ve also changed my working habits, so at least 1 day a week I work from home, and she usually comes into the office with me for ½ a day. I’m home by at least 5.30pm every day, and if we are apart I call her at least twice a day. Almost every day I give her a little present when I arrive home… a book, flowers, a bar of chocolate… just something to show I care & am thinking of her.

I never work on Sat/Sundays… these are OUR days, just for us, and I try to make them special… be it going to the coast, a country park, a stately home, the theatre…. But there is always something.

We go shopping together (although it would be easier to do it myself), as I want to get her “involved”, to be a part of everything, to let her make decisions.

In these 4mnths, I have been out twice on my own…..once about a month ago, for an 1hr to see some friends and have a chat over a couple of beers. On that occasion she refused to talk to me for 2 days… totally ignored me.
The second was a few days ago… a business (dinner) meeting with male colleagues that I could not avoid, and had told her about at least 2weeks in advance. She called 5 times during the dinner to ask “Are you enjoying yourself”, and “I hope she appreciates it” … and to demand to speak to her ! I even offered (before I went out) that she join me later when the dinner had concluded, and we could have a drink together. “I’m not that stupid” was her reply.

“We” also now avoid the “local” ….. if a friend’s wife/girlfriend smiles at me, or talks to us, later that night she’ll say/ask “Are you sleeping with her ?” or “You two obviously had a thing in the past …why bother denying it”.

I could go on and on…..

But I love her ….. but this Jekyll & Hide character is destroying me. I’d like to think of myself as witty, humorous…. but I’m having to count to 10 now before replying/answering as every word & sentence is scrutinized.

We are due to be married at the end of this month …… and ……I honestly don’t know what to do.

Try & work it out ? ….. or accept that even though we love each other, we cannot actually be together.

Any thoughts, comments will be gratefully received.

[Ana_may365]

hiya!welcome here to the forum:Hellooo::Hellooo::Hellooo:
i understand ur situations now[coz im the same like her b4 to my hubby]i admit im a very jealous person/wife.u only can solve ur problem by talking with her,spclly when ur both in bed together.try to explain to her ur job/work,try to explain to her ur feelings now[like my hubby did b4.and i realize i cant live without him coz he is a part of my life]i think after u talk to her at the end of the day she can realize it all.
goodluck!and wish all the best to both of u:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[vbkelly]

Hello. This is my first posting, although I’ve followed this site for a fair while, have used the information available, read all the relevant posting…. and so for that, I’d like to say a big THANK YOU.

So…. my dilemma, my concern, plight, problem, predicament …

I met and wooed a Filipina woman, and I certainly thought “this is the one for me, this is who I want to be with, this is someone I can happily live the rest of my life with”.
So, we went ahead and applied for a fiancee visa.
(Why fiancee instead of getting married in the Philippines ? … because for at least a few years we’d need to live in the UK, so I wanted her to see the UK, understand the culture changes, appreciate the changes this would cause, and allow her to decide IF the UK was acceptable to her, as her happiness and well-being is paramount to me).

So… the visa was granted, and she arrived 4 months ago. Great, marvellous……
Well, yes, at first it was (and still is, as the good times are truly GREAT)….. but the tampo & jealousy & mood swings are destroying us, especially me.

I’d read about tampo, (also followed the threat on this site) had experienced it previously … but never like this ! And why …. the causes of this, and the jealousy ?.... I find it difficult to fathom or understand.

In the 4 mnths since she’s been here, I’ve changed my life to accommodate her, to be there for her, to support her, to encourage, to comfort her, to reassure.
I’ve also changed my working habits, so at least 1 day a week I work from home, and she usually comes into the office with me for ½ a day. I’m home by at least 5.30pm every day, and if we are apart I call her at least twice a day. Almost every day I give her a little present when I arrive home… a book, flowers, a bar of chocolate… just something to show I care & am thinking of her.

I never work on Sat/Sundays… these are OUR days, just for us, and I try to make them special… be it going to the coast, a country park, a stately home, the theatre…. But there is always something.

We go shopping together (although it would be easier to do it myself), as I want to get her “involved”, to be a part of everything, to let her make decisions.

In these 4mnths, I have been out twice on my own…..once about a month ago, for an 1hr to see some friends and have a chat over a couple of beers. On that occasion she refused to talk to me for 2 days… totally ignored me.
The second was a few days ago… a business (dinner) meeting with male colleagues that I could not avoid, and had told her about at least 2weeks in advance. She called 5 times during the dinner to ask “Are you enjoying yourself”, and “I hope she appreciates it” … and to demand to speak to her ! I even offered (before I went out) that she join me later when the dinner had concluded, and we could have a drink together. “I’m not that stupid” was her reply.

“We” also now avoid the “local” ….. if a friend’s wife/girlfriend smiles at me, or talks to us, later that night she’ll say/ask “Are you sleeping with her ?” or “You two obviously had a thing in the past …why bother denying it”.

I could go on and on…..

But I love her ….. but this Jekyll & Hide character is destroying me. I’d like to think of myself as witty, humorous…. but I’m having to count to 10 now before replying/answering as every word & sentence is scrutinized.

We are due to be married at the end of this month …… and ……I honestly don’t know what to do.

Try & work it out ? ….. or accept that even though we love each other, we cannot actually be together.

Any thoughts, comments will be gratefully received.

welcome to the forum grievious angel and goodluck to your forth coming wedding!

[aromulus]

Feelings of insecurity, and a very large dose of homesickness will cause these symptoms....:omg:

I would sit down and have a heart to heart and see if this is what she really wants.:Erm:

It is no good finding out after the fact, all the loving reassurances in the world will not be enough to stop that behaviour.

I personally think that, secretly, she wants to go back home.:doh

I dearly hope I am wrong with this assumption.

I wish you all the best of luck.

[New Shoes]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I read your post and I have to say that in your situation, I would not be looking to get married at this moment in time. It sounds as though you are, or very nearly on your knees with the jealousy and her general insecurity. Four months is not an insignificant amount of time for her to get used to the UK and also to be re-assured, constantly by the sounds of it, by you and your actions.

I'd like to say that things would get better by being married, but my gut feeling is that her jealousy / tampo would continue. Don't forget, ALL couples need to have some time away from their partner ie hobbies, social groups etc. It's a healthy part of being in a committed relationship. Can you honestly say that the way things are at the moment you would feel happy for them to continue as they are for, maybe for years to come?

I realise that as far as the fiance visa is concerned, time may not be on your side with regard to the wedding, but you have the rest of your life to consider. Think long and hard....................

[scott&ligaya]

Hi there, New shoes saved me the post, very good advice

[Mrs.JMajor]

Wowowow, I love to comment here hehehe, although a long post, I manage to read it all, Ok even I am in your fiancee situation I will feel the same, been here also for 4 months or so, never never he went out all by his self who ever call him either the Boss, a friend, his mother, who everrrr alright? He always bring me where ever he go, but not in working job/time and that I make sense why your fiancee is grumpy, tampo, sulking. My husband prove to me everything not to get insecure and he keep telling me that I am his priority in his life, he never have fun/good time w/ collegue all by his self, that I can say straight forward to you.


We are apart from our family deciding to live to fiancee here in the UK is a big decision for us. So dont let us leave alone in the house while your having good time w/ your friends.
That dinner also, why you didnt bring her, you suppose to bring her you know, hubby had dinner metting also, but he make sure that if his friends didn't allow me to be there, he wont attend the dinner, you see?
Anyhow, that was my opinion and feeling at the same time, I dont blame her to be honest. Good luck
As what Mod say, sit down and speak to her heart to heart for sure she will bring it out to you, its just so happen I am talkative the reason my husband know what I am sulking about if I am not in the mood, I told him why.

[Arthur Little]

Hello. This is my first posting, although I’ve followed this site for a fair while, have used the information available, read all the relevant posting…. and so for that, I’d like to say a big THANK YOU.

So…. my dilemma, my concern, plight, problem, predicament …

I met and wooed a Filipina woman, and I certainly thought “this is the one for me, this is who I want to be with, this is someone I can happily live the rest of my life with”.
So, we went ahead and applied for a fiancee visa.
(Why fiancee instead of getting married in the Philippines ? … because for at least a few years we’d need to live in the UK, so I wanted her to see the UK, understand the culture changes, appreciate the changes this would cause, and allow her to decide IF the UK was acceptable to her, as her happiness and well-being is paramount to me).

So… the visa was granted, and she arrived 4 months ago. Great, marvellous……
Well, yes, at first it was (and still is, as the good times are truly GREAT)….. but the tampo & jealousy & mood swings are destroying us, especially me.

I’d read about tampo, (also followed the threat on this site) had experienced it previously … but never like this ! And why …. the causes of this, and the jealousy ?.... I find it difficult to fathom or understand.

In the 4 mnths since she’s been here, I’ve changed my life to accommodate her, to be there for her, to support her, to encourage, to comfort her, to reassure.
I’ve also changed my working habits, so at least 1 day a week I work from home, and she usually comes into the office with me for ½ a day. I’m home by at least 5.30pm every day, and if we are apart I call her at least twice a day. Almost every day I give her a little present when I arrive home… a book, flowers, a bar of chocolate… just something to show I care & am thinking of her.

I never work on Sat/Sundays… these are OUR days, just for us, and I try to make them special… be it going to the coast, a country park, a stately home, the theatre…. But there is always something.

We go shopping together (although it would be easier to do it myself), as I want to get her “involved”, to be a part of everything, to let her make decisions.

In these 4mnths, I have been out twice on my own…..once about a month ago, for an 1hr to see some friends and have a chat over a couple of beers. On that occasion she refused to talk to me for 2 days… totally ignored me.
The second was a few days ago… a business (dinner) meeting with male colleagues that I could not avoid, and had told her about at least 2weeks in advance. She called 5 times during the dinner to ask “Are you enjoying yourself”, and “I hope she appreciates it” … and to demand to speak to her ! I even offered (before I went out) that she join me later when the dinner had concluded, and we could have a drink together. “I’m not that stupid” was her reply.

“We” also now avoid the “local” ….. if a friend’s wife/girlfriend smiles at me, or talks to us, later that night she’ll say/ask “Are you sleeping with her ?” or “You two obviously had a thing in the past …why bother denying it”.

I could go on and on…..

But I love her ….. but this Jekyll & Hide character is destroying me. I’d like to think of myself as witty, humorous…. but I’m having to count to 10 now before replying/answering as every word & sentence is scrutinized.

We are due to be married at the end of this month …… and ……I honestly don’t know what to do.

Try & work it out ? ….. or accept that even though we love each other, we cannot actually be together.

Any thoughts, comments will be gratefully received.

:Hellooo: Good Morning to YOU, and Welcome.

My immediate reaction on greeting you had been to satisfy my curiosity as to your choice of 'nom de plume' and ask what is so "grievous" about being an "angel"?

However, reading through your post, it soon becomes apparent that you are "hurting" emotionally. And, being a sensitive bloke, I genuinely "feel" for you ... having undergone a somewhat similar experience myself [albeit with a British woman] 11-1/2 years ago. Following a "whirlwind courtship", we (foolishly, in retrospect) found ourselves engaged after knowing each other for little more than 3 months. I say foolishly because, practically from the outset of our brief relationship, it became evident that the lady in question was the jealous type; e.g., I only needed to smile at ... and say "hello" ... to ANY other female I knew, to be asked afterwards: "D'you FANCY her?". I treated this lightly at first, and simply laughed it off. But, as time progressed, so too, did this same scenario ... until it reached the stage where her behaviour began to get beyond a :joke: and was wearing me down.

[lavander]

If you dont mind my asking G.Angel, how old is your lady?.. Hope you consider Age sometime in a way contributes to someone attitudes and behavior... I would agree with Mod Aromulos that this might be an early sign of 'homesick' and with the combination of insecurity etc ... Points noted best is make her feel 'secure' and top of your priority.. as per Mrs M!



my 2cents... Good luck.. :)

[Mrs.JMajor]

Gesssh I am the filipina who reply here and the british guys reply are :CompBuster: wahhhh

[Mrs.JMajor]

Go, go go Irene (lavander) :BouncyHappy::BouncyHappy::BouncyHappy::Hellooo:

[lavander]

Go, go go Irene (lavander) :BouncyHappy::BouncyHappy::BouncyHappy::Hellooo:

Still warming up MrsM.... :D See yah around... :Rasp:

[Jay&Zobel]

I personally think that, secretly, she wants to go back home.:doh


I think so too :NoNo:



Hello and welcome to the forum.

I read your post and I have to say that in your situation, I would not be looking to get married at this moment in time. It sounds as though you are, or very nearly on your knees with the jealousy and her general insecurity. Four months is not an insignificant amount of time for her to get used to the UK and also to be re-assured, constantly by the sounds of it, by you and your actions.

I'd like to say that things would get better by being married, but my gut feeling is that her jealousy / tampo would continue. Don't forget, ALL couples need to have some time away from their partner ie hobbies, social groups etc. It's a healthy part of being in a committed relationship. Can you honestly say that the way things are at the moment you would feel happy for them to continue as they are for, maybe for years to come?

I realise that as far as the fiance visa is concerned, time may not be on your side with regard to the wedding, but you have the rest of your life to consider. Think long and hard....................


Hi there, New shoes saved me the post, very good advice


I am so sorry if you feel that way, lots have said that it's the insecurity thing, the homesickness and et al but I agree with New Shoes' advice: MARRIAGE IS FOR LIFE, will you want to be spending your whole life with someone who will always scrutinize you? judge you? and would not trust you?...

Let me share this quote:
Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savour, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening. ~Maya Angelou

HMMM... so therefore, jealousy/insecurity is a mental cancer:Erm: ?

If you really think "she's the one" and she thinks "you're the one" then let us all hope for the best, that's all we can do really...

But if not...:Erm: you still have few weeks to think before the wedding to take place...

[Grievous Angel]

... and many things to ponder on.

Mrs JMajor .... we do EVERYTHING together, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Re; the dinner ... it was a BUSINESS (work) dinner, with colleagues I see only 3-4 times a year. I'd already postponed it twice .... and no others brought their wives or girlfriends. It was over by 9.30ish, and that was why I'd suggested she meet me afterwards at the restaurant.

Lets try another example ....
I was invited to a Wedding Anniversity party. The invite arrived in the post with my name on it many, many months ago.
"Why isn't my name on it ?"
"Because they are not aware of you... it's someone i see very rarely, so are unaware that you and I are a couple. They,ve always known me as single. But I've called them up and told them I'm bringing you"
"I'm not going unless my name is on the invitation"
.... so I got them to send a new invitation.
The night of the party....
I explained that knowing the people & where it was held, and the "style" of the invite, the women would be wearing long / cocktail dresses and the men, suits.
"I'm wearing jeans"
"If that's what you want, feel comfortable in.... but all the other women will be wearing a dress, and you'll be the odd-one-out"
"I'm wearing jeans... not interested in what they are wearing"
So, I also dress down , hang the suit back up in the wardrobe.

We arrive.....
"All the women are wearing dresses..... I totally stand out"
"Darling, I told you, I explained this"
"Well, you should have INSISTED on me wearing a dress, you should have DEMANDED it..... well. I'm not staying. You can if you want... I'll sit and wait in the car"
So I gave my apologies to the host/hostess and left.


I'll put up with lots of things .... I appreciate the "transition" is difficult, and I'm always there with a smile, a kiss, support, a hug .....
.... but it's so so difficult

[Grievous Angel]

If you dont mind my asking G.Angel, how old is your lady?.. Hope you consider Age sometime in a way contributes to someone attitudes and behavior... I would agree with Mod Aromulos that this might be an early sign of 'homesick' and with the combination of insecurity etc ... Points noted best is make her feel 'secure' and top of your priority.. as per Mrs M!



my 2cents... Good luck.. :)

Neither of us are "teenagers", just setting out in the world...... there are 5yrs between our ages.

[aromulus]

Wowowow, I love to comment here hehehe,


To be expected...........:D

[Sophie]

welcome to the forum grievous angel :Hellooo:

Quite a dilemma you have, lol...........
Upon reading your posts, looks to me like your wife seems to have a strong jealousy and distrust issues.....
If you don't do something about it now, it will get worst and worst and out of control before you even know it....
So i suggest you talk to her about that and ask her why she is feeling that way, and really listen and be sensitive to her....
as you may not be aware that you are probably doing things that makes her feel so insecure which causes her jealousy and distrust....
you have to make her feel secure and give her all the assurance she needs so she doesn't doubt you and your feelings for her in any way....

Now if you feel you're not giving her any reason to be insecure and get jealous about, and she is really just the jealous type.....
then you have to discuss and open up to her how it makes you feel - her being suspicious and doubtful all the time specially when you're not with her
Trust is very important in a relationship and without it, the relationship is bound to fall apart.....
Jealousy and distrust is like a pest that is slowly eating up the relationship and slowly weakening it's foundation.....
and eventually, causing the break down of the relationship into bits of pieces....
unless you do something about it now and figure out how to solve and address the problem soon, before it's too late....
And you have to be both willing to sort this problem out and be both up for any changes that needs to be done to make this relationship work out....
best of luck to both of you.....:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Jay&Zobel]

... and many things to ponder on.

Mrs JMajor .... we do EVERYTHING together, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Re; the dinner ... it was a BUSINESS (work) dinner, with colleagues I see only 3-4 times a year. I'd already postponed it twice .... and no others brought their wives or girlfriends. It was over by 9.30ish, and that was why I'd suggested she meet me afterwards at the restaurant.

Lets try another example ....
I was invited to a Wedding Anniversity party. The invite arrived in the post with my name on it many, many months ago.
"Why isn't my name on it ?"
"Because they are not aware of you... it's someone i see very rarely, so are unaware that you and I are a couple. They,ve always known me as single. But I've called them up and told them I'm bringing you"
"I'm not going unless my name is on the invitation"
.... so I got them to send a new invitation.
The night of the party....
I explained that knowing the people & where it was held, and the "style" of the invite, the women would be wearing long / cocktail dresses and the men, suits.
"I'm wearing jeans"
"If that's what you want, feel comfortable in.... but all the other women will be wearing a dress, and you'll be the odd-one-out"
"I'm wearing jeans... not interested in what they are wearing"
So, I also dress down , hang the suit back up in the wardrobe.

We arrive.....
"All the women are wearing dresses..... I totally stand out"
"Darling, I told you, I explained this"
"Well, you should have INSISTED on me wearing a dress, you should have DEMANDED it..... well. I'm not staying. You can if you want... I'll sit and wait in the car"
So I gave my apologies to the host/hostess and left.


I'll put up with lots of things .... I appreciate the "transition" is difficult, and I'm always there with a smile, a kiss, support, a hug .....
.... but it's so so difficult


Neither of us are "teenagers", just setting out in the world...... there are 5yrs between our ages.



Aaawww...that's really awful! She has to think that it's not you that only needs adjusting (about her behaviour), but her too! She is in Britain now and she has to make an effort to fit-in as well. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I'm really sorry... I hate to think this, but was/is she just after the visa? citizenship?

[aromulus]

Neither of us are "teenagers", just setting out in the world...... there are 5yrs between our ages.


I am going to burst your bubble.....

I am not an agony uncle, but my advice is to send her back home and let her languish there until grown up.

I cannot see an armonious future for you and her together, she is spoiled and she's got you in a "butty"....
I can "feel" some red flags and the more I re-read your posts, the more wary I become of the futility of the relationship set out on "her" terms.

It doesn't matter wether you are in love or not, it is high time for an old fashioned ultimatum.
It is your future at stake.... With or without her.

Sorry pal.
That's the way I see it.

[Mrs.JMajor]

... and many things to ponder on.

Mrs JMajor .... we do EVERYTHING together, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Re; the dinner ... it was a BUSINESS (work) dinner, with colleagues I see only 3-4 times a year. I'd already postponed it twice .... and no others brought their wives or girlfriends. It was over by 9.30ish, and that was why I'd suggested she meet me afterwards at the restaurant.

Lets try another example ....
I was invited to a Wedding Anniversity party. The invite arrived in the post with my name on it many, many months ago.
"Why isn't my name on it ?"
"Because they are not aware of you... it's someone i see very rarely, so are unaware that you and I are a couple. They,ve always known me as single. But I've called them up and told them I'm bringing you"
"I'm not going unless my name is on the invitation"
.... so I got them to send a new invitation.
The night of the party....
I explained that knowing the people & where it was held, and the "style" of the invite, the women would be wearing long / cocktail dresses and the men, suits.
"I'm wearing jeans"
"If that's what you want, feel comfortable in.... but all the other women will be wearing a dress, and you'll be the odd-one-out"
"I'm wearing jeans... not interested in what they are wearing"
So, I also dress down , hang the suit back up in the wardrobe.

We arrive.....
"All the women are wearing dresses..... I totally stand out"
"Darling, I told you, I explained this"
"Well, you should have INSISTED on me wearing a dress, you should have DEMANDED it..... well. I'm not staying. You can if you want... I'll sit and wait in the car"
So I gave my apologies to the host/hostess and left.


I'll put up with lots of things .... I appreciate the "transition" is difficult, and I'm always there with a smile, a kiss, support, a hug .....
.... but it's so so difficult

Awww, well she is not flexible and open minded :doh , your right bit there, hard to dance with the music, ok I gave up my card, ask her as soon as you get home if she want to stay with you for the rest of her life, or you'll book her flight going to her beloved family :NoNo:
Sorry, as I read that party you attend, and at the end she blame you whattaa:censored:

[rayofLight]

I AGREE WITH you MRS.JMAJOR.....

[Arthur Little]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I read your post and I have to say that in your situation, I would not be looking to get married at this moment in time. It sounds as though you are, or very nearly on your knees with the jealousy and her general insecurity. Four months is not an insignificant amount of time for her to get used to the UK and also to be re-assured, constantly by the sounds of it, by you and your actions.

I'd like to say that things would get better by being married, but my gut feeling is that her jealousy / tampo would continue. Don't forget, ALL couples need to have some time away from their partner ie hobbies, social groups etc. It's a healthy part of being in a committed relationship. Can you honestly say that the way things are at the moment you would feel happy for them to continue as they are for, maybe for years to come?

I realise that as far as the fiance visa is concerned, time may not be on your side with regard to the wedding, but you have the rest of your life to consider. Think long and hard....................


:Hellooo: Good Morning to YOU, and Welcome.

My immediate reaction on greeting you had been to satisfy my curiosity as to your choice of 'nom de plume' and ask what is so "grievous" about being an "angel"?

However, reading through your post, it soon becomes apparent that you are "hurting" emotionally. And, being a sensitive bloke, I genuinely "feel" for you ... having undergone a somewhat similar experience myself [albeit with a British woman] 11-1/2 years ago. Following a "whirlwind courtship", we (foolishly, in retrospect) found ourselves engaged after knowing each other for little more than 3 months. I say foolishly because, practically from the outset of our brief relationship, it became evident that the lady in question was the jealous type; e.g., I only needed to smile at ... and say "hello" ... to ANY other female I knew, to be asked afterwards: "D'you FANCY her?". I treated this lightly at first, and simply laughed it off. But, as time progressed, so too, did this same scenario ... until it reached the stage where her behaviour began to get beyond a :joke: and was wearing me down.

Sorry, I must've pressed the wrong key(s) while still in the middle of my response to your introduction. If I might now continue: [Please DON'T ALL groan at once ... or grit your teeth :D]

This ill-fated "romance" I'd been referring to in my previous post finally ended when Heather [her name ... obviously!] raised objection to my going off on a pre-arranged Saga holiday to the Spanish Costa del Sol - with my widowed MOTHER [of all people] and another relative.

It seems to me that YOU'RE in a very difficult situation here. The thing about Heather was, her jealousy went to extreme levels on several occasions and had even led to her threatening me physically :xxsport-smiley-002: more than once. Which is WHY, given YOUR fiancee's pattern of behaviour, my gut instinct almost prompted me to advise you to "send her packing" :Wave: before it's too late.

However, I'm particularly impressed with the sensible advice of my fellow-member, 'New Shoes' (whose post I've made a special point of quoting above) and would suggest you :ReadIt: again, taking on board ALL that she's saying, not forgetting what the others have contributed. It COULD well be that your girl IS feeling homesick and, consequently, rather "fragile" and insecure at the moment ... in which case, talk with her about these things ... try to sympathise with her emotions ... whatever they are ... and reassure her of your :luv13:. But remember, it's supposed to be an EQUAL partnership. And, as such, YOUR feelings are every bit as important. So take care not to neglect them in the process.

:xxgrinning--00xx3: My Best Wishes to BOTH of you. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Mrs.JMajor]

I AGREE WITH you MRS.JMAJOR.....

Thanks ray:)

[bornatbirth]

Feelings of insecurity, and a very large dose of homesickness will cause these symptoms....:omg:

I would sit down and have a heart to heart and see if this is what she really wants.:Erm:

It is no good finding out after the fact, all the loving reassurances in the world will not be enough to stop that behaviour.

I personally think that, secretly, she wants to go back home.:doh

I dearly hope I am wrong with this assumption.

I wish you all the best of luck.


you can never tell what goes on in a womans mind?


Wowowow, I love to comment here hehehe, although a long post, I manage to read it all, Ok even I am in your fiancee situation I will feel the same, been here also for 4 months or so, never never he went out all by his self who ever call him either the Boss, a friend, his mother, who everrrr alright? He always bring me where ever he go, but not in working job/time and that I make sense why your fiancee is grumpy, tampo, sulking. My husband prove to me everything not to get insecure and he keep telling me that I am his priority in his life, he never have fun/good time w/ collegue all by his self, that I can say straight forward to you.


We are apart from our family deciding to live to fiancee here in the UK is a big decision for us. So dont let us leave alone in the house while your having good time w/ your friends.
That dinner also, why you didnt bring her, you suppose to bring her you know, hubby had dinner metting also, but he make sure that if his friends didn't allow me to be there, he wont attend the dinner, you see?
Anyhow, that was my opinion and feeling at the same time, I dont blame her to be honest. Good luck
As what Mod say, sit down and speak to her heart to heart for sure she will bring it out to you, its just so happen I am talkative the reason my husband know what I am sulking about if I am not in the mood, I told him why.

i have to agree,you need to include her with everything you do? but you have already said you that already!


To be expected...........:D

is mrsM a chatterbox? :cwm12:


hi and welcome btw!

due to my wifes past she was very jealous and a lot like your lady but how do you solve it?

my wife would question me and suspect me of anthing connected with other women like do i chat to others,do i have a female boss,do i think of others and pressure me until im going completely nuts also constantly ask me if i love her as if the first second im not with her in going to jump into bed with another woman?(if only :D).

i told her that everytime she says stuff to me like that she hurts me! :bigcry: why?

because why will i spend so much time and do all i am with her and wanting to marry her,if all i want is to meet lots of women and have sex with them! and look how easy it is to go to the philipines to meet women so why will i bother with her?

there was a time my wife will get very jealous,pikon and tampo at me,at first she would have me on my knees begging her for her forgiveness,this would happen far to often until one day i told her straight put up or shut up in which the arguments got worse.i never gave in to her again then one day she said thats your opinion i will have to live with it! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

i can even tease my wife whenever i see a goodlooking woman,even a ugly woman saying look at the butt on her shes so sexy? :icon_lol: and my wife doesnt even react :xxgrinning--00xx3:

but you have to reassure her all the time,get her involved in the wedding and all the plans so she knows everything whats going on!,does she chat to her family back home?

[Mrs.JMajor]

To be expected...........:D
:cwm24:




is mrsM a chatterbox? :cwm12:

Your right, :NoNo: That is why I ask him, then if he fed up of me and I will just dis appear in the forum like Tawi then, :NoNo:

[bornatbirth]

:cwm24:Your right, :NoNo: That is why I ask him, then if he fed up of me and I will just dis appear in the forum like Tawi then, :NoNo:

hey i think hes kidding with you mrsM!! :D:D

your not getting pikon are you? :action-smiley-081:

[Pepe n Pilar]

Welcome to the forum Grievous Angel:Hellooo:

I'm so sorry to know about your predicament. In my opinion, you and your fiancee should need more time to think many times before you proceed with your life together. As you have said you had made many adjustments as to your relationship. I can see in your post that you had done the right thing. I know there are instances that the wife/gf/fiancee can't go with their partner to a meeting if it's about business unless wives/partners/gf are invited but she seems like she always has doubt in her mind if you won't let her go with you. That is a sign of insecurity. She is one-track minded person. She never think or considers your job. If you had talked to her about the nature of job you have long before she came over she should have expected that. Trust with one another is very vital in a relationship.

I had known one filipina before she has the same characteristics with that of your fiancee. There was a time i with my workmates decided for a night out and bec she was the gf of our co-employee so she was also invited. She didn't show any interest and just sat and didn't dance at all. She said she was not in the mood. What she did was closed her eyes as if she is sleeping, what an attitude!:NoNo:. Another time we had a christmas party and so she was invited again. She never chatted with the rest of the group and just sat there watching. We thought she was just shy but knew later on that she was so insecure and a jealous type. She always go with her bf anywhere even if she is not invited and so she just prefer to stay inside the car waiting.

Wish you will sort things out between you two as soon as possible.

Best of luck!
:)

[bornatbirth]

I am going to burst your bubble.....

I am not an agony uncle, but my advice is to send her back home and let her languish there until grown up.

I cannot see an armonious future for you and her together, she is spoiled and she's got you in a "butty"....
I can "feel" some red flags and the more I re-read your posts, the more wary I become of the futility of the relationship set out on "her" terms.

It doesn't matter wether you are in love or not, it is high time for an old fashioned ultimatum.
It is your future at stake.... With or without her.

Sorry pal.
That's the way I see it.


you could get tough with her but give what i posted a try first?

also how is the rest of life with her?

you really need to get into her head and see how her world is before you react to her!

[scott&ligaya]

Heh Mrs M, please don't get offended, sometimes it is easy for miscommunication between forum members, all is love and peace here, just you keep right on chatting:BouncyHappy::BouncyHappy::BouncyHappy:

[estherboaz]

I am going to burst your bubble.....

I am not an agony uncle, but my advice is to send her back home and let her languish there until grown up.

I cannot see an armonious future for you and her together, she is spoiled and she's got you in a "butty"....
I can "feel" some red flags and the more I re-read your posts, the more wary I become of the futility of the relationship set out on "her" terms.

It doesn't matter wether you are in love or not, it is high time for an old fashioned ultimatum.
It is your future at stake.... With or without her.

Sorry pal.
That's the way I see it.


:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[tomm]

That's Filipina for you, all over the place :rolleyes: :xxparty-smiley-004:

Don't forget, a certain times of the month all women can lose the plot.

But apart from the tampo... how's the rest of the relationship?

[aromulus]

:cwm24:
Your right, :NoNo: That is why I ask him, then if he fed up of me and I will just dis appear in the forum like Tawi then, :NoNo:


The Smilie at the end of that post ":D", means "joking".... :doh

[Mrs.JMajor]

hey i think hes kidding with you mrsM!! :D:D

your not getting pikon are you? :action-smiley-081:


Heh Mrs M, please don't get offended, sometimes it is easy for miscommunication between forum members, all is love and peace here, just you keep right on chatting:BouncyHappy::BouncyHappy::BouncyHappy:


The Smilie at the end of that post ":D", means "joking".... :doh



No worries Mod (Good Morning to you):D I just love the way they (borna and scott) react :D:cwm12::cwm38:

[trader dave]

i have sat here and read some ot this and i can relate with some of it ,my now wife is a normal:Erm: young pilipina and jelious thats in there nature :omg:



to tell you straight i would not get married :xxgrinning--00xx3: i would pack her back home tell her to grow up and enjoy your life :xxgrinning--00xx3:

because believe me there are many many more who would love the chance to come to uk and have a loving ,caring husband get rid of her and go to the philippines and find another :furious3::furious3: it is that easy

even if you ask on here i am sure members know of pilipinas who are looking for a lovely man to look after them and care for them :D

[Florge]

communication... talk it over.. tell her what you didn't liked with what she did, what you liked about her, and how you would prefer things to be and how you can make thing work between you... with the party incident, it clearly tells me she's a big time brat!

I was a big time brat myself! was being jealous and insecure at most times with my bf.. but we talked about it... agreed on certain "rules" on how we want to handle our relationship.. trusted each other... and talk why there's no need for a tampo... your fiancee may not be used to being straightforward so I suggest that you find time this weekend to talk about what you both feel about everything... and when you talk, come from a space of love, and you'll never go wrong with it.

Good luck!

[NtoN]

Aaawww...that's really awful! She has to think that it's not you that only needs adjusting (about her behaviour), but her too! She is in Britain now and she has to make an effort to fit-in as well. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I agree! Marriage is supposedly a lifetime commitment. Being through thick & thin is the greatest covenant you can give to each other. Attaining this entails a lot of sacrifice & understanding of each others differences. We all have unique personalities and coping from this requires a higher level of maturity. There are lots of possible factors affecting her behaviour (e.g. silent battle against homesickness, exposure to society, family upbringing, geographic & lifestyle change etc) and it would be unfair to her if you are not open about your sentiments towards it. It is always best to be honest no matter how difficult the circumstance is. It’s true that she’s already in Britain and she has to make an effort to fit in. Your fiancée needs a lot of growing. Make a reality check and if everything else fails, buy her a homebound ticket. Good luck! Keep the faith!

[NtoN]

Just want to quote a portion from one of my emails -

"Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that " It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river, than a person's character."

[aphrodite78]

there maybe an underlying issues i.e. is she preggy? or monthly period? do you make her feel secure / wanted? if not then i think you need to re-evaluate your relationship and whatever you choose stick with it and make it work. good luck :)

[Mrs Daddy]

It seems that the advice you have from my co forumers are divided but same as some of them said why not sit her down and talk to her about how you feel right now... coz as they said it might be the culture shock that affected her and the sudden change of sorroundings.It`s difficult if your girl not experienced being away from home.I must admit even if I had experienced being away for two years from my family before coming to UK to settle down I did still feel alone and lonely that time coz it`s not the thing we used to.But when I had my job and got friends here I feel at home and settling down alright.It took me awhile but somehow I surpassed all those troubles.I dearly Hope that you`ll surpass yours too.I am sad if both of you will not gonna make it to the altar but if somehow both of you think not to pursue the commitment is right,that will be sad on both of your part but you cant live a lie ,can you?.well,All the best my friend whatever it is you plan ahead!

[Tawi2]

Theres enough stable and decent ladies in the world to not waste time on one who sounds as if she has underlying issues,I have indeed known one or two and dropped them like a ton weight once their true character had revealed itself,life is short,you obviously have doubts as your airing them on a public forum,move on my friend while theres still time,I would never try and swim through lifes pool with a heavy stone tied around my neck :NoNo:

[tiN]

communication... talk it over.. tell her what you didn't liked with what she did, what you liked about her, and how you would prefer things to be and how you can make thing work between you... with the party incident, it clearly tells me she's a big time brat!

I was a big time brat myself! was being jealous and insecure at most times with my bf.. but we talked about it... agreed on certain "rules" on how we want to handle our relationship.. trusted each other... and talk why there's no need for a tampo... your fiancee may not be used to being straightforward so I suggest that you find time this weekend to talk about what you both feel about everything... and when you talk, come from a space of love, and you'll never go wrong with it.

Good luck!

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

i totally agree with u sis.. communication is an important part of the relationship as other co-forumers said, talk to her.. she will not know that she's being a brat if u will not tell her? Be a honest to her how u feel, it seems like she's not only jealous, she is being selfish also.. in a relationship u should give and take to each other.. u just cant give and give..

welcome here and goodluck:)

[Grievous Angel]

Good afternoon, and an update, as the days have gone by, and I certainly don’t want to be viewed
as a “one-post wonder”( I see how other’s are treated LOL).

I appreciate the comments posted, and as I asked for comments/thoughts, I’m not really in a position
to now criticize, but I’m certainly not comfortable with the “there’s many more fish in the sea”, or the
“throw that one back, there’s always another swimming passed” thoughts.

If that was/is the attitude, it’s no wonder so many relationships fail. The idea that, if someone doesn’t
bend to your will, or fit your ideals…. then it’s a case of “well, I guess I’ll find someone else” is abhorrent
to me. We might as well live in a “Stepford Wives” society.
A real relationship is about two people in a true partnership, both loving each other through the good
times & bad times, the highs and the lows …. and not for any other reason.

Anyway….. we’ve talked & talked, cried & laughed….. and we’ve decided to move forward TOGETHER,
hand-in-hand.
As the song goes … “for deep inside his heart he knew she was the only one”… I think applies to
both of us.

We’ve been honest with each other, perhaps even hurtful on the things we’ve said … but we are now
closer than ever.
I’ve even learned things about myself (from her point of view) which I wasn’t aware of ….as we are all
too aware, there are always two sides to every story.
She has opened up to me…. her fears, her apprehension, her worries…. And we’ve either addressed them
all, or are in the process of.

So …. once again, my thanks to ALL that commented.
(The more negative ones actually spurred me into a frame of mind to be even more determined that this
would work).

Take care one & all.



“Twenty thousand roads I went down, down, down
And they all lead me straight back home to you”

[bornatbirth]

its good that you talked and didnt give up!

im sure after you say you love her and reassure her that she will relax and calm down but that doesnt mean you can carry on life acting like your single,you need to make sure in everything that you do she comes first!!

it took a while for my wife to adjust being here and leaving her life and family.

[tiN]

Good afternoon, and an update, as the days have gone by, and I certainly don’t want to be viewed
as a “one-post wonder”( I see how other’s are treated LOL).

I appreciate the comments posted, and as I asked for comments/thoughts, I’m not really in a position
to now criticize, but I’m certainly not comfortable with the “there’s many more fish in the sea”, or the
“throw that one back, there’s always another swimming passed” thoughts.

If that was/is the attitude, it’s no wonder so many relationships fail. The idea that, if someone doesn’t
bend to your will, or fit your ideals…. then it’s a case of “well, I guess I’ll find someone else” is abhorrent
to me. We might as well live in a “Stepford Wives” society.
A real relationship is about two people in a true partnership, both loving each other through the good
times & bad times, the highs and the lows …. and not for any other reason. [/B]

Anyway….. we’ve talked & talked, cried & laughed….. and we’ve decided to move forward TOGETHER,
hand-in-hand.
As the song goes … “for deep inside his heart he knew she was the only one”… I think applies to
both of us.

We’ve been honest with each other, perhaps even hurtful on the things we’ve said … but we are now
closer than ever.
I’ve even learned things about myself (from her point of view) which I wasn’t aware of ….as we are all
too aware, there are always two sides to every story.
She has opened up to me…. her fears, her apprehension, her worries…. And we’ve either addressed them
all, or are in the process of.

So …. once again, my thanks to ALL that commented.
(The more negative ones actually spurred me into a frame of mind to be even more determined that this
would work).

Take care one & all.





:xxgrinning--00xx3: agree with u..

its good that u talked and all sorted:)

I've been married for almost 3 years now but once in a while we have a heart to heart talk also which i think is a very good thing, being honest and truthful to each other:xxgrinning--00xx3:

All I can say is goodluck on ur upcoming wedding:BouncyHappy::BouncyHappy:

[Sophie]

Good afternoon, and an update, as the days have gone by, and I certainly don’t want to be viewed
as a “one-post wonder”( I see how other’s are treated LOL).

I appreciate the comments posted, and as I asked for comments/thoughts, I’m not really in a position
to now criticize, but I’m certainly not comfortable with the “there’s many more fish in the sea”, or the
“throw that one back, there’s always another swimming passed” thoughts.

If that was/is the attitude, it’s no wonder so many relationships fail. The idea that, if someone doesn’t
bend to your will, or fit your ideals…. then it’s a case of “well, I guess I’ll find someone else” is abhorrent
to me. We might as well live in a “Stepford Wives” society.
A real relationship is about two people in a true partnership, both loving each other through the good
times & bad times, the highs and the lows …. and not for any other reason.

Anyway….. we’ve talked & talked, cried & laughed….. and we’ve decided to move forward TOGETHER,
hand-in-hand.
As the song goes … “for deep inside his heart he knew she was the only one”… I think applies to
both of us.

We’ve been honest with each other, perhaps even hurtful on the things we’ve said … but we are now
closer than ever.
I’ve even learned things about myself (from her point of view) which I wasn’t aware of ….as we are all
too aware, there are always two sides to every story.
She has opened up to me…. her fears, her apprehension, her worries…. And we’ve either addressed them
all, or are in the process of.

So …. once again, my thanks to ALL that commented.
(The more negative ones actually spurred me into a frame of mind to be even more determined that this
would work).

Take care one & all.



“Twenty thousand roads I went down, down, down
And they all lead me straight back home to you”

Good for you grievous angel :xxgrinning--00xx3:
I'ts great you were able to sort things out with your gf and that you are doing better now
after talking and opening up to each other more about your feelings....
I hope this is the beginning of a great and wonderful future ahead for the both of you...:xxgrinning--00xx3:

And i commend you for being so patient with your gf and loving her unconditionally....
and sticking by her and fighting for her even at her worst...that is so admirable of you....:xxgrinning--00xx3:
your gf is so lucky to have you and hopefully she already realized that....
Best of luck to you both....:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Jay&Zobel]

Take care one & all.

“Twenty thousand roads I went down, down, down
And they all lead me straight back home to you”


Awww... take care then and all the best Mate! :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Florge]

whooopppiiiii... see! Communication is the key... take it from someone who's overly jealous and insecure... and so glad that my bf didn't opt to leave me and look for another fish swimming by... LOL...

tears and laughter are a good combination... at least now, you are sure that your fiancee is a loving, kind-hearted girl after all... best wishes to you and more laughters to come!