British Men?

[dontpushme]

Okay, this might be more for the Englishmen. I was just wondering if it's part of your culture to want to provide everything for your wife.

I know I was the one that changed my bf and made him see that I wanted to be self-sufficient and that wouldn't mean that I didn't need him, but it would help us save up for the future if we didn't have too many unnecessary expenditures. We never really talked about it, but he saw my determination to pay for my needs myself (even if I had to save up for months or years).

You say women are headstrong over there and you prefer someone who isn't going to run you over with her personality. But I noticed you men like to nurture and dote on women. I mean, you've pretty much spoilt Filipinas so they now come online already expecting you to spend on them (hence,all the scams and the sob stories). I'm sure it wasn't done on purpose either. But that's what happened and is still happening and it probably won't stop anytime soon.

Before my bf came along, different men offered me expensive things (someone offered me his souped up car that he likes to race in the streets with coz he was buying himself another one, and one other offered me a lot more money that I could make here in the US, even with my master's degree). But I turned all of them down because those men made me feel that although they were looking for love, they would most likely treat me like a prize, not a woman with a personality and a mind.

So I guess my main question is whether you're brought up to actually want to dote on women. And why is it that you show that by sending gifts and money instead of with actions? Is it cultural? Or is it more of a personal choice?

Btw, I'm sure you've noticed that Filipinas are headstrong too, but in a completely different way. Think of all the times your wife won an argument or made the final decision on something.:icon_lol:

[Tawi2]

How do you find british or if you want to be specific English differ from pinoy guys DPM?(can....worms....opened) :Erm:

[aromulus]

Okay, this might be more for the Englishmen. I was just wondering if it's part of your culture to want to provide everything for your wife.


That counts me out, to start off with, then......:Erm:

So no Jocks, no Taffys and no Paddys either, that leaves only the Limeys......:NoNo:

So apart from a couple of Scousers, Brums, Geordies and Mackams, and a manc or three, there isn't much left to go on asking is there...???:Erm:

[dontpushme]

How do you find british or if you want to be specific English differ from pinoy guys DPM?(can....worms....opened) :Erm:


Haha! Okay, it's hard to ask this question when we're all from different countries. I wanted to ask the English, but I know even the other guys dote on their Filipinas too. So I don't know the scope of the question I'm asking. Is upbringing similar in all the parts of GB? I see the relationships and all the talk of gifts and sending money and I'm wondering if it's all because of upbringing and if relationships with Englishwomen also involve a lot of gifts too.

[aromulus]

if relationships with Englishwomen also involve a lot of gifts too.

Mainly arsenic.....:D

[Tawi2]

I dont think its specific to english guys to want to treat their woman,its more primeval than that,harking back to the cave-man days,all animals protect their mate,look at a peacock or lyrebird displaying and protecting their mates,Lion will fight off rivals,sea-horse males take over parental guarding of the young seahorses,theres even a male frog incubates the eggs on his mucus covered back,its nature that man has always protected his woman/mate and brought things back to the cave,its a primal urge to provide I guess?As for lavishing gifts but not actions hasnt one of your boyfriends ever taken you to the greatest testimony to love ever built?The Taj Mahal?I took a girlfriend there :icon_lol:

[Tawi2]

You skirted my question in a most non-commital way..........How do you find british or if you want to be specific English differ from pinoy guys DPM?:Erm:

[dontpushme]

You skirted my question in a most non-commital way..........How do you find british or if you want to be specific English differ from pinoy guys DPM?:Erm:

I wasn't skirting it. I didn't understand it. Could you please rephrase the question? *sheepish* I didn't understand this part "if you want to be specific English differ from pinoy guys DPM?"

[aposhark]

You have asked a very good, serious question.

I prefer the ways of my Filipina wife.
She does everything she can for me and I do everything I can for her.
It is not a case of which came first, the chicken or the egg.
It is because we both think about how each other feels all the time, and not about ourselves and being selfish.

I never felt like this with a British or American woman.
Right from the outset she did the more important little things that made me feel so happy, so yes, I do want to do everything for her.

[Tawi2]

Your question was a specific,why do englishmen lavish gifts and largesse on their women,I asked how do english guys differ from Pinoys?Dont they do the same?Americans also if you were offered a car and cash,I just think its mans nature to provide for his woman,its instinctual,I have done it in the past,went out shopping for clothes and ended up buying a diamond ring :Erm::icon_lol:Which wasnt cheap,certainly a few months income,but I had the cash,and couldnt help dipping into my pocket,like I said,Instinctual :icon_lol:

[dontpushme]

Umm, are you asking if I want to differentiate Brits from Pinoys? Or if I'm stating that they're different? Or if I'm saying the Brits are different from Pinoys?

I'm not trying to differentiate. I can do that in my head. But I'm wondering where the differences come from. Is it cultural and do they do it to all women, or is it just personal? Brits are different in that the Filipinos have grown up around strong women and they know that Filipinas will share the workload and work as hard as the men to put food on the table. All this without expecting gifts from them. I don't know if I've answered your question, but if I haven't, I'd appreciate a rephrase.

[Tawi2]

Dont need a rephrase,just asking are you saying its a specific to english guys and dont pinoy guys do that?

[dontpushme]

You have asked a very good, serious question.

I prefer the ways of my Filipina wife.
She does everything she can for me and I do everything I can for her.
It is not a case of which came first, the chicken or the egg.
It is because we both think about how each other feels all the time, and not about ourselves and being selfish.

I never felt like this with a British or American woman.
Right from the outset she did the more important little things that made me feel so happy, so yes, I do want to do everything for her.

Thanks! So I'm guessing it wasn't upbringing but just an outlet of your happiness and an outpouring of love. Is that maybe it?


Dont need a rephrase,just asking are you saying its a specific to english guys and dont pinoy guys do that?

LOL, I think you missed a comma or two in your first question and that's what confused me (sorry, haven't had breakfast and i've been up for several hours). :D

Well, you've already said it's not just Brits, and the guys that offered me gifts were American, Spanish, British, and a couple other nationalities I can't remember. One of them had grown up in Australia, but was from somewhere in South Asia.:)

To answer your question, no. Pinoys don't do it. All their lives, they're surrounded by women who work as hard as the men do, and don't expect gifts and luxuries for it. You've most likely already seen how hard Pinays can work when they want to. In the Philippines, it's become a trend to find foreigners who would sweep the women off their feet because the men grow up expecting their women to work as hard as their moms did, and the men don't think women are more special because of that.

[Tawi2]

I have seen how hard pinays work,and the sacrifices some of them make for ang pamilya,but as I said I dont think its an englishman thing to provide,its more just a man thing :) Most guys want their woman to be happy,if they are happy we are happy,sorry for missing a comma:icon_lol:I left school at 15 :icon_lol:

[Sun Shine]

Thanks! So I'm guessing it wasn't upbringing but just an outlet of your happiness and an outpouring of love. Is that maybe it?



LOL, I think you missed a comma or two in your first question and that's what confused me (sorry, haven't had breakfast and i've been up for several hours). :D

Well, you've already said it's not just Brits, and the guys that offered me gifts were American, Spanish, British, and a couple other nationalities I can't remember. One of them had grown up in Australia, but was from somewhere in South Asia.:)

To answer your question, no. Pinoys don't do it. All their lives, they're surrounded by women who work as hard as the men do, and don't expect gifts and luxuries for it. You've most likely already seen how hard Pinays can work when they want to. In the Philippines, it's become a trend to find foreigners who would sweep the women off their feet because the men grow up expecting their women to work as hard as their moms did, and the men don't think women are more special because of that.

My pinoy bf has offered and bought me gifts, so not ALL Pinoy don't do it.

[Tawi2]

My pinoy bf has offered and bought me gifts, so not ALL Pinoy don't do it.
Thats why I said originally "Can....worms....opened):icon_lol: its always best to throw a debate open and have a lively one :icon_lol:

[dontpushme]

True, and the guy that dragged me to Cartier was Pinoy. But in the Philippines, it's not in the culture to do that. It's more of a personal choice. We're taught that the men are the providers, but in so many families, the daughters are the ones who bring home the bacon. Like, how many of the women here send money home to pay for the bills over there?

I think the reason so many women opt for non-Pinoys is for exactly that reason. In the Philippines, they're treated like equals with an equal expectation of hard work and stability. But other men will sweep them off their feet and treat them like princesses. I'd like to know if that's because of the way the non-Pinoys are brought up.

[Sun Shine]

I could say the same about my British boyfriends, most of them have treated me like :censored:
I think what it comes down to is the relationship being Filipino-Brit rather than Brit-Brit or Filipiono-Filipino (if that makes sense).

[aposhark]

..........So I'm guessing it wasn't upbringing but just an outlet of your happiness and an outpouring of love. Is that maybe it?.............

Well, my father always did as much as he could for my mother and he worked all the hours he could to provide for his family, so I did come from a family where the man did as much as he could for his wife.
When it happens to me though, I can only truly feel in my own heart that I would do everything for my lovely wife.

[Tawi2]

Brit-filipino?Surely thats more likely to be a clash of cultures than make someone more generous?Your either a giving type of person or your not,not a specific giver:Erm:(have I missed any comma's?:Erm:):icon_lol:

[aposhark]

Brit-filipino?Surely thats more likely to be a clash of cultures than make someone more generous?Your either a giving type of person or your not,not a specific giver:Erm:(have I missed any comma's?:Erm:):icon_lol:

I have no clash of culture with my wife, far from it as we find so much fun in our differences :Rasp:
I am not on the same wavelength as you regarding the "giving type of person", or at least in my way of thinking, I have never "given" as much as now because I never felt the all-encompassing love of a wife the way I do now.

I had so many different feelings as a single man.
Marriage changed everything, and I am just so happy to have met my (Filipina) wife.

[Tawi2]

Not saying your having a culture clash with your wife,just reading Sun Shines post,reading it the suggestion is your guys more likely to buy you a gift if he is a different ethnicity to the woman,meaning a pinoy guy is more inclined to buy a gift for a british woman than he is a pinay woman :Erm: Is that so?

[Sun Shine]

"I have no clash of culture...far from it as we find so much fun in our differences"
:iagree:

[trader dave]

Thanks! So I'm guessing it wasn't upbringing but just an outlet of your happiness and an outpouring of love. Is that maybe it?

LOL, I think you missed a comma or two in your first question and that's what confused me (sorry, haven't had breakfast and I've been up for several hours). :D

Well, you've already said it's not just Brits, and the guys that offered me gifts were American, Spanish, British, and a couple other nationalities I can't remember. One of them had grown up in Australia, but was from somewhere in South Asia.:)

To answer your question, no. Pinoys don't do it. All their lives, they're surrounded by women who work as hard as the men do, and don't expect gifts and luxuries for it. You've most likely already seen how hard Pinays can work when they want to. In the Philippines, it's become a trend to find foreigners who would sweep the women off their feet because the men grow up expecting their women to work as hard as their moms did, and the men don't think women are more special because of that.

Can I ask why you have so many gifts offered to you :doh did you have many boyfriends or were you a scammer? :icon_lol::icon_lol::Erm:

My wife had a Greek boyfriend a couple of years ago. He gave her gifts spent money on her and she felt insulted because he was just trying to buy her heart and she told him "No, I will not marry you because I don't love you!" :cwm34:

YOU CAN'T BUY SOMEONE'S AFFECTION

HIS LOSS! :icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[Northerner]

I would say it is a man thing, or at least to some men :xxgrinning--00xx3: Most men will try to buy things for their lady during the act of courting, many drop these things when they finally "get the girl". But many men continue into late life giving small gifts to their wives to show appreciation.

Some men dislike a woman working as they feel it they're duty to provide the bread as it were. But in this modern age of low wages and long working hours, that is slowly being eroded and men and women now need to work as a team :Erm: And I think working as a team is harder to do for many couples, and I am sure I will find out how I go...

:cwm34:

[Tawi2]

Thank you northerner.....Man thing :xxgrinning--00xx3:Me Tarzan you Jane but a modern romanticised version :icon_lol:

[Northerner]

Thank you northerner.....Man thing :xxgrinning--00xx3:Me Tarzan you Jane but a modern romanticised version :icon_lol:

:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol: Yeah, and a great excuse for anything.. "Why did you do that?" It's a man thing :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

You have asked a very good, serious question.

I prefer the ways of my Filipina wife.
She does everything she can for me and I do everything I can for her.
It is not a case of which came first, the chicken or the egg.
It is because we both think about how each other feels all the time, and not about ourselves and being selfish.


:xxgrinning--00xx3:
i supported my now wife for many years, paid for her to get thru med school, rents, bills etc, before i met her, after i met her, after we married and thou she works part time now, all our money goes in one big pot :D, but soon when she gets a good job, she will be earning more than me, swings and round bouts :xxgrinning--00xx3: i'm waiting for that day i can buy a 50" plasma with the misses wages :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[aromulus]

:xxgrinning--00xx3:
:xxgrinning--00xx3: i'm waiting for that day i can buy a 50" plasma with the misses wages :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Yes, I agree, it will be much better watching UTD losing the penalties on 50"plasma...:rolleyes:

The detail would be fantastic, don't you think...???:Erm:

[aposhark]

Yes, I agree, it will be much better watching UTD losing the penalties on 50"plasma...:rolleyes:

The detail would be fantastic, don't you think...???:Erm:

It was (FA Cup semi)........even on my older CRT telly :icon_lol:

[joebloggs]

Yes, I agree, it will be much better watching UTD losing the penalties on 50"plasma...:rolleyes:

The detail would be fantastic, don't you think...???:Erm:


your right dom, i can watch united beat Chelsea at penalties from last year ,when UNITED became EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS :xxgrinning--00xx3:, you can keep your community shield :action-smiley-081:

when i get the 50" plasma dom, you can come and watch it with me :rolleyes:, also terry making a fool of himself :xxgrinning--00xx3:

:icon_lol::D:icon_lol::D:icon_lol:

[dontpushme]

can i ask why you have so many gifts offered to you :doh did you have many boyfriends or was you a scammer:icon_lol::icon_lol::Erm:

LOL! I honestly have no idea. I've never wanted a husband, let alone a foreign one. It was a big shock to my family when I said I had a boyfriend. Then they dropped their jaws when I said he was British. Plus, I've been known to spend on the guys instead of the other way around.

The one high school friend I told about the offers said he didn't understand either. Then he started acting weird coz he said whatever it was the others saw, he wanted some of it too.:doh:NoNo: There went that friendship.:Brick:


I have seen how hard pinays work,and the sacrifices some of them make for ang pamilya,but as I said I dont think its an englishman thing to provide,its more just a man thing :) Most guys want their woman to be happy,if they are happy we are happy,sorry for missing a comma:icon_lol:I left school at 15 :icon_lol:

Don't worry. I would've understood your question after breakfast (and I wouldn't have had to ask what you meant). And my bf calls me a pedant whenever I start correcting him (I've stopped doing this). :icon_lol: I'm probably one of a few people in the Philippines whose primary language is English and who's had to do language exercises during summer and Christmas breaks (what I get for having very nerdy parents).

[dontpushme]

:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol: Yeah, and a great excuse for anything.. "Why did you do that?" It's a man thing :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Would you believe Matt (my bf) used that on me all the time when we first met?:icon_lol: It was his excuse for EVERYTHING!

[Northerner]

Would you believe Matt (my bf) used that on me all the time when we first met?:icon_lol: It was his excuse for EVERYTHING!

So it works then? Excellent :devil-smiley-029:

[dontpushme]

So it works then? Excellent :devil-smiley-029:

:yikes:OMG, you know that's not what I meant! :doh:Cuckoo: You're sneaky. Good luck trying it with your lady :icon_lol:

[Northerner]

:yikes:OMG, you know that's not what I meant! :doh:Cuckoo: You're sneaky. Good luck trying it with your lady :icon_lol:

:woohoo: Yeah, I'm a sneaky :censored::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[britishdetained]

You skirted my question in a most non-commital way..........How do you find british or if you want to be specific English differ from pinoy guys DPM?:Erm:

I can say that Britishmen are more romantic...not about material things or providing money ok. But as I see it, they are more Romantic in a way you will be feel loved, important and a lady. My husband writes me Love letters everyday. When we are out, he hold my hands and make you feel secure. He often surprises me with his appeteting breakfast in bed with flowers and a note. When we both dont have money, we just stay at home but bet you he can make a very nice dinner. Simple things that he does makes last in my heart. I am very thankful that of all the people in the world I was found by him. No money nore any material thing that can replace him.

So as he is British, same as his friends who married some Filipinas...we all both share the same memories. Being lucky to have a romantic husband. And so grateful that we found our SOULMATES.:cwm38:

[D&G]

the guys that offered me gifts were American, Spanish, British, and a couple other nationalities I can't remember. One of them had grown up in Australia, but was from somewhere in South Asia.:)


so i guess u already answered ur own question :) so its not really peculiar to English/Brit men to give gifts or buy stuff for their gf/wives. Its not a "kano" thing or brit thing only as u just mentioned men from different countries offered u gifts. (sorry to ask were they even ur bf already when they offered?) :)




To answer your question, no. Pinoys don't do it. All their lives, they're surrounded by women who work as hard as the men do, and don't expect gifts and luxuries for it. You've most likely already seen how hard Pinays can work when they want to. .


one thing i dont like is when people start to generalize things,,,we have what we call "individual differences" ...some pinoys are big jerks and some are not...some are generous whilst some are not. Im not trying to defend Pinoys here :NoNo: some pinoys do give some gifts in their own little ways because thats the only "little" thing they could probably afford.. i know a lot of Pinoys also who shower their gf/wives with expensive stuff and trips abroad.




In the Philippines, it's become a trend to find foreigners who would sweep the women off their feet because the men grow up expecting their women to work as hard as their moms did, and the men don't think women are more special because of that.


:NoNo: i'll just try not to comment on this hmmmmnnn....

[D&G]

I can say that Britishmen are more romantic...not about material things or providing money ok.
So as he is British, same as his friends who married some Filipinas...we all both share the same memories. Being lucky to have a romantic husband. And so grateful that we found our SOULMATES.:cwm38:



sorry BD i have to point this out it has nothinh to do with being british why he is so romantic:) i've read sad stories of pinays who were abused by brit husbands..(not romantic eh) i think we're just both lucky to find romantic, loving partners.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[dontpushme]

I agree. There are so many romantic Filipinos too. Unfortunately, all the ones I know, I met in high school and they're now happily married to their high school sweethearts. And noone else was allowed to get close enough to me to be able to prove he was romantic and good and all those fun things.

[Sophie]

Your question was a specific,why do englishmen lavish gifts and largesse on their women,I asked how do english guys differ from Pinoys?Dont they do the same?

In my opinion, men all do thesame, foreigner's and filipino's alike......not just foreigners....
I said filipinos, based on my experience and as far as the filipino men i know and knew (my dad, big brothers, ex-bf, friends)...

[Sophie]

but as I said I dont think its an englishman thing to provide,its more just a man thing :) Most guys want their woman to be happy,if they are happy we are happy

I agree :xxgrinning--00xx3: And in my opinion, being a good provider is not just a "foreigner thing" in general....
I've seen a lot of filipino men who are great providers and lavish their women with luxuries, atleast the men i know and close to me, specially the men in my family....

[Sophie]

My pinoy bf has offered and bought me gifts, so not ALL Pinoy don't do it.

I TOTALLY AGREE :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[vbkelly]

You have asked a very good, serious question.

I prefer the ways of my Filipina wife.
She does everything she can for me and I do everything I can for her.
It is not a case of which came first, the chicken or the egg.
It is because we both think about how each other feels all the time, and not about ourselves and being selfish.

I never felt like this with a British or American woman.
Right from the outset she did the more important little things that made me feel so happy, so yes, I do want to do everything for her.

agree!

[bornatbirth]

i think all those guys offering you lots of gifts are just being macho and bragging to you and trying to impress you!

i was also wondering why they offered you so much? :Erm:

what did you have on them?

i think the foreigners you chatted with probably just earned more money and could offer you better gifts?,i dont it matters where a man comes from more to do with his job!

[Sophie]

reading it the suggestion is your guys more likely to buy you a gift if he is a different ethnicity to the woman,meaning a pinoy guy is more inclined to buy a gift for a british woman than he is a pinay woman :Erm: Is that so?

I don't think so .....
I guess it all boils down to the personal and individual character of a man, and his nationality and ethnicity has nothing to do with it.....
in thesame way, that a man will not treat a filipina gf from a foreigner gf differently, because of ethnicity
but rather, because of the emotions he feel for the women irregardless of where they come from.....
As some men just feel more intense to a particular woman than the others he's been with...

[Sophie]

:xxgrinning--00xx3:
but soon when she gets a good job, she will be earning more than me, swings and round bouts :xxgrinning--00xx3: i'm waiting for that day i can buy a 50" plasma with the misses wages :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I bet, soon, you'll enjoy the fruits of your labor and you can stay home and relax, for a change :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Sophie]

one thing i dont like is when people start to generalize things,,,we have what we call "individual differences" ...some pinoys are big jerks and some are not...some are generous whilst some are not. Im not trying to defend Pinoys here :NoNo: some pinoys do give some gifts in their own little ways because thats the only "little" thing they could probably afford.. i know a lot of Pinoys also who shower their gf/wives with expensive stuff and trips abroad

I agree with you, totally :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[bornatbirth]

Yes, I agree, it will be much better watching UTD losing the penalties on 50"plasma...:rolleyes:

The detail would be fantastic, don't you think...???:Erm:

have you seen JT cry in HD? oh and miss a penalty too?? :xxgrinning--00xx3::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[MarBell379]

I don't think theres any mystique here really.
For my part, I've been aware since the end of my teenage years, that I was (for the most part) earning more than anyone I was in a realtionship with and felt that I wanted to help out. There IS a historical cultural understanding deep in my psyche that says 'the guy pays' unless there is a specific reason not to.
With my fiancee, there is a definite added element in that I am so much in love with my wife to be that I WANT to help her have as good a life as possible, both now while we're apart and in the future when we're together.
She is fiercely independent and I know she'll want to earn her own money, but she is my family, I am the main wage earner, and I want to make sure there is nothing between us but love.
Money is what it is, a means to live and enjoy life. Thats it.

[englishbird]

My pinoy bf has offered and bought me gifts, so not ALL Pinoy don't do it.

Same here. My Bf has sent flowers to my cabin on the cruise ship and last time he gave me a huge bag of goodies!. A little something from every country that he has been to on the ship since I had last saw him. Bless him:cwm38:

[dontpushme]

:icon_lol: I didn't say ALL Pinoys didn't do it. That's like saying ALL British guys send their money to the Philippines.:rolleyes: In the Philippines, when a guy gives gifts, it's not because they're taught to spend on their women. Also, the women also don't grow up expecting every boyfreind to spend them. These are just personal choices. My brother gives presents to his girlfriends. I give presents to my boyfriends (even to Matt). But these are personal choices, not a product of our culture.

I really did wonder about British men because it seems that the majority of the ones here do give money and gifts at every opportunity. So it was the majority that had me guessing whether it was a cultural thing or not.:Erm:

Denise

[trader dave]

:yikes: I really did wonder about British men because it seems that the majority of the ones here do give money and gifts at every opportunity


i dont think at every opportunity but some are generous others feel a little pity at times :cwm24: and i am sure some have there own reasons

me i am a sucker my wife cons me:icon_lol: i got conned today because none of her jeans fit her:Erm: her waistline is now 24: down from 26:Erm::icon_lol: doh there is a mall wide sale at sm the jeans are down from 1500 to 900 says MRS T :icon_lol::icon_lol: ok you better buy 1 pair :icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::Erm: i love a bargain:cwm34:

dont anyone say nothing:ARsurrender:

[Tawi2]

Her waist has shrunk from 26-24 :cwm24:Dave,thats tiny,maybe you should spend more on food and less on jeans :Rasp::icon_lol:

[Sophie]

:icon_lol: I didn't say ALL Pinoys didn't do it. That's like saying ALL British guys send their money to the Philippines.:rolleyes: In the Philippines, when a guy gives gifts, it's not because they're taught to spend on their women. Also, the women also don't grow up expecting every boyfreind to spend them. These are just personal choices. My brother gives presents to his girlfriends. I give presents to my boyfriends (even to Matt). But these are personal choices, not a product of our culture.

Hi denise, sorry but i beg to differ......
In my opinion, this "personal choices" you just mentioned is precisely a product of our culture.....
I believe philippine culture has a lot to do with how close-knit and family-oriented we are.....
We were taught to value our loved ones and the people we cherish in every possible way - financial and/or physical care and affection....

Women are wooed and pursued by men and that does not only include having a man to call or visit the woman
but rather giving gifts as well and taking her out on dates and also give gifts to some of her family members on occasions....
however gifts need not be lavish and grand all the time, simple things mean a lot, its the gesture and the thought that counts,
and that's what we appreciate more, and this to me, is very much a "filipino thing"....

We also pratice "pamamanhikan" as a sign of respect for women and her family by men.....
And it's even customary for men to pay for the whole wedding whether he can afford it or not....because it's a "pride" thing for men,
and that very much originated from our culture, thesame culture that taught us the moral and family values we possess and stand for...
And we may be more modern now and it may have evolved into something less traditional than it was before,
but it does exist until now and it's still being done, in a more flexible and modernized way however.....which is fine,
as long the essence is still there and still being valued, one way or another.....

So taking all that into consideration, filipino men are actually taught to value and spend for women
both on a personal choice and cultural upbringing and influence.......
I know there could be a lot of irresponsible guys from the philippines, but i still believe, they are not the majority.....
Just take a look at how vast the number of filipino overseas workers are - men and women alike....
just to have the chance to earn more money and help their family back home and give them a better and comfortable life.....
And i honestly believe that filipino men will go out of their way to provide and spend for their familly and loved ones if they have the means
and the opportunity to afford it........and yes, it's a personal conviction and choice but the culture has everything to do with it....
Some may disagree but this is just my personal view and take on this......:)

[dontpushme]

Well said, Sophie. The pamamanhikan still is practiced, and guys do give gifts, but they're usually tokens. Like you said, it's the thought and the gesture that counts. Just because a guy doesn't give lavish presents doesn't mean he's considered "kuripot".

Unfortunately, you can see that the guys on this forum feel a bit of pressure to spend truckloads of money just because they're chatted with a young Filipina. For example, there's a sticky outlining how much tp spend. And you can tell from the threads that collectively, the men on this forum alone (not counting the bajillions more that aren't members here) have sent several million pesos to the Phlippines for this and that.

Going back to the original question, I'm not questioning Filipinos. I'm trying to understand the extreme "save the women" attitude that seems to be everywhere here. I did wonder if Brits also tried to save their countrywomen and if the pressure is because it's expected of their culture, or if it's a personal choice.:Erm: After reading all the replies, I actually did find a lot of good answers and have come to the conclusion it's all personal choice.


i think all those guys offering you lots of gifts are just being macho and bragging to you and trying to impress you!

i was also wondering why they offered you so much? :Erm:

what did you have on them?

i think the foreigners you chatted with probably just earned more money and could offer you better gifts?,i dont it matters where a man comes from more to do with his job!

:yikes: These were men I knew in person. This is the first forum of this kind that I've ever been on. :Rasp: And I didn't have anything on them. It was always a complete surprise whenever I got offered anything. I never accepted gifts from anyone I wasn't in a relationship with, and even then, only the cheap gifts. I'd rather be impressed by the guy's personality than by the money he spends on me and the "security" he can give me (security that I can have myself if I just work hard).:NoNo:

But anyway, thanks for the insight. I probably have as much money to my name as those guys have in their pockets (so you're right about the wealthy part):doh, but they knew from the very beginning that I was fiercely independent and wouldn't accept help that I didn't ask for. I dunno, maybe the reason they kept trying to give me things that got more expensive with each offer was that it became a challenge to see who could get Denise to say yes.:Help1: They didn't realise if they'd given me a hug when I was sad, told me about their day so I'd feel like I was being invited to be a part of their life, and listened when I was upset, they'd have won me over completely (no money spent).:cwm38:

[Sophie]

I did wonder if Brits also tried to save their countrywomen and if the pressure is because it's expected of their culture, or if it's a personal choice.:Erm: After reading all the replies, I actually did find a lot of good answers and have come to the conclusion it's all personal choice.

I definitely agree with you on this one denise :xxgrinning--00xx3:
As far as the brits or foreigner's are concerned, it's more of a personal choice for them, not necessarily a culture thing i suppose
they choose to offer and extend some financial help to the filipina they're with and at times to her family as well.....
although on some cases, they're left with no choice but to help no matter what, lol :D:D
anyway, whether they do it voluntarily or just obliged to do so, is out of the question...
The bottom line is, they made a choice to help the women they love specially if he knows how badly she needs one.....:xxgrinning--00xx3:
And it will be up to the girl to accept or refuse the offer and likewise up to her, if she will value or abuse the help.....

[JimOttley]

Unfortunately, you can see that the guys on this forum feel a bit of pressure to spend truckloads of money just because they're chatted with a young Filipina. For example, there's a sticky outlining how much tp spend. And you can tell from the threads that collectively, the men on this forum alone (not counting the bajillions more that aren't members here) have sent several million pesos to the Phlippines for this and that.

Going back to the original question, I'm not questioning Filipinos. I'm trying to understand the extreme "save the women" attitude that seems to be everywhere here. I did wonder if Brits also tried to save their countrywomen and if the pressure is because it's expected of their culture, or if it's a personal choice.:Erm: After reading all the replies, I actually did find a lot of good answers and have come to the conclusion it's all personal choice.

DPM I'm a Scot and your original question was first directed at the English but we are all Brits :) I'm old enough and I hope wise enough not to let the national divisions in the UK get out of proportion. :)

I've sent a small fortune to the Phils over the years, I never chatted to my partner online or by email, I met her first and then I thought long and hard about getting involved.

You may not be aware that the Scots have a reputation for thrift and that if you have the good fortune to come from the town of Paisley you have an outright reputation for for being a tight git who would hack his hand off with a rusty saw rather than use said appendage to open his wallet :)

That said and I am not atypical of my local clan :) I do care about people and I cared about people long before I met my current partner.

When I was 26 I met a lassie (girl) that I fell madly in love with, we had a very short relationship but we had a child (a girl) and my partner wanted to keep the child. I was brought up Catholic and although I fell away from the church at an early age I had qualms about abortion so I was happy to support my partners decision at the time.

I loved my partner but she had problems with me and though she accepted my marriage proposals on three separate occasions she changed her mind three times and eventually I gave up.

It is not easy to bring up a child alone in the UK and while I was not the most perfect chivalrous man in the world and I wasn't that wealthy, I cared about my ex and I felt I had to protect her and my child as much as I possibly could.

My ex would, I am sure, disagree with me on my interpretation of some aspects of our history but the simple fact (for me) is I did my absolute best to support them and look after them and to stay involved with my daughters life.

So twenty three years later I have a wonderful grown up daughter who has just graduated from Uni, just finished her Masters and is looking to start a teaching job in a couple of weeks time.

Cost me a fortune, we kept the CSA out of our lives all that time which is something I am very proud of, I helped all the way through the good times and the bad times, it was hard, very hard!

During the first 20 years I had no relationships in my life period, nada, none, I had given up completely, my ex and me, we were just friends, I considered myself an irredeemable nerd who would always be alone.

Until I met Ana when I was 45.

Now I'm doing it all over again but this time I'm actually in a relationship where the woman I love cares about me as well.

I see no reason why Ana should get any worse a deal than my ex from twenty three years ago.

I want to protect my kids and I want to protect my partner and if that means that I have to extend that protection beyond my immediate family then so be it.

I am tight, I hate waste, I don't like spending on luxuries, I am a fairly stereotypical Scot in that respect, but at the same time I can't stand by and see my immediate or extended family suffer.

So yes I think it is personal choice or rather just the way the guy is made.

One of the things I love about the Phils is that the people and the society take me back to the way I was brought up in Scotland in the 60's we had very close communities in those days and we were not that wealthy.

I dare say that many of the guys on here could find similarities to their upbringing in England but for me personally sitting in a slum in early 2005, eating and drinking with my new family, at their (considerable) expense, made me feel at home in way I could barely believe and that a lot of my need to help my partner and my family simply springs from the basic values I was taught as a child in Scotland and those values are not a lot different from Filipino values.

I would not want to change. :)


Jim

[Florge]

When we say majority, we mean more than half the population right? So just wondering if your claim on the term "majority" is based on a personal observation? Coz it is best to claim "majority" when it is backed up by a certain study. You have had a master's degree as you previously claimed and I believe that when reports are submitted, we should back it up, so to speak, with a data.

If there's none, then I guess we just have to make it clear that these are just based on personal observation.

I also hope that claims of trends in the Philippines should be backed-up by data as well.. I mean, it is bad enough to say that trends in the Philippines are this an d that and you're not even here...

I meant no offense... just had a long night and haven't had breakfast as well...

coffeeeee...

[Matt7]

When we say majority, we mean more than half the population right? So just wondering if your claim on the term "majority" is based on a personal observation? Coz it is best to claim "majority" when it is backed up by a certain study. You have had a master's degree as you previously claimed and I believe that when reports are submitted, we should back it up, so to speak, with a data.

If there's none, then I guess we just have to make it clear that these are just based on personal observation.

I also hope that claims of trends in the Philippines should be backed-up by data as well.. I mean, it is bad enough to say that trends in the Philippines are this an d that and you're not even here...

I meant no offense... just had a long night and haven't had breakfast as well...

coffeeeee...

If it were based on data and facts there wouldn't be a discussion of opinion here right now. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[dontpushme]

LOL! Honestly, I wouldn't mind taking the scientific approach and scouring the entire forum for posts about sending/giving money or not sending/giving money. It would be fun and a challenge that I'd enjoy. But the Fall term is starting and my professor's back with a lot of data for me. I'll have to go with personal observation here. Maybe someone can help me here. If I can't say that majority send money, can anyone tell me that the majority of the men here don't send money? Can't really count the people that have never mentioned it, but only the ones that have mentioned it (wouldn't be scientific to randomly assign yes or no to them).

I know the things I posted may have raised some people's hackles, but if things said hit home and hit hard, maybe there's some truth to them. If the shoe doesn't fit, why wear it and defend it tooth and nail? I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting that you're doing something that isn't accepted by others. I actually admire Trader Dave for admitting his money flies out of his pockets like rockets whenever his wife wants something (no matter how much stuff she already has). I don't agree with what he does, but at least he's honest about it. I think that's awesome. There's no shame in being honest.

[Tawi2]

Lady friend has never asked for money in five years,she doesnt need it and was actually going to buy me a ticket to visit her which raised my ire a shade :icon_lol:But I have sent thousands over the years to help friends,no real reason to except I never forget a good turn(nor a bad one either :icon_lol:).But I do know some guys who have been bled dry :)

[dontpushme]

Lady friend has never asked for money in five years,she doesnt need it and was actually going to buy me a ticket to visit her which raised my ire a shade :icon_lol:But I have sent thousands over the years to help friends,no real reason to except I never forget a good turn(nor a bad one either :icon_lol:).But I do know some guys who have been bled dry :)

LOL. I'm 100% sure she doesn't need to ask for money. But you're right. I've also met guys whose wives were materialistic and went amok when the guys could afford stuff the ladies could only dream about before. I just give them a pat on the back and tell them it's their own fault for shocking their wives with suddenly affordable luxuries.:icon_lol:

[Florge]

If it were based on data and facts there wouldn't be a discussion of opinion here right now. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

True.. that's why we're discussing this right now as the claims made here are based on observations and therefore, open for dispute and discussion...

Heck! even those that present data and facts are still being disputed and debated... :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Florge]

LOL! Honestly, I wouldn't mind taking the scientific approach and scouring the entire forum for posts about sending/giving money or not sending/giving money.

we can have a poll on that... lol.. would be fun!

I'll start.. my bf doesn't send me money.. nor spends money on calls (I do the calling), no flowers sent my way ever... :doh

[Tawi2]

Feminism is our concept,this is the age of sexual equality :xxgrinning--00xx3: If a woman didnt hold a door open for me or pull out a chair when I am about to sit at a table I would be most offended,you want to be treated as equals :icon_lol:

[trader dave]

LOL! Honestly, I wouldn't mind taking the scientific approach and scouring the entire forum for posts about sending/giving money or not sending/giving money. It would be fun and a challenge that I'd enjoy. But the Fall term is starting and my professor's back with a lot of data for me. I'll have to go with personal observation here. Maybe someone can help me here. If I can't say that majority send money, can anyone tell me that the majority of the men here don't send money? Can't really count the people that have never mentioned it, but only the ones that have mentioned it (wouldn't be scientific to randomly assign yes or no to them).

I know the things I posted may have raised some people's hackles, but if things said hit home and hit hard, maybe there's some truth to them. If the shoe doesn't fit, why wear it and defend it tooth and nail? I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting that you're doing something that isn't accepted by others. I actually admire Trader Dave for admitting his money flies out of his pockets like rockets whenever his wife wants something (no matter how much stuff she already has). I don't agree with what he does, but at least he's honest about it. I think that's awesome. There's no shame in being honest.

:yikes::yikes::icon_lol: i think you misread what i meant it was a little tongue in cheek :icon_lol: :ARsurrender:

MRS T has never asked for anything but i do say at times IF YOU NEED IT BUY IT :icon_lol:

[britishdetained]

we can have a poll on that... lol.. would be fun!

I'll start.. my bf doesn't send me money.. nor spends money on calls (I do the calling), no flowers sent my way ever... :doh

Same with me...when kev was still in the UK i am the one calling him as i have skype account and never sent me flowers too:angry: never sent me money too as i told him that it is best if he saves it, sometimes i am the one sending him money as i asked him before to resign from work as he has difficulties in walking so i told him since in younger, ill help him first (as i got a small business from my da...so i have enough dodge to send for his groceries:)

[Tawi2]

Same with me...when kev was still in the UK i am the one calling him as i have skype account and never sent me flowers too:angry: never sent me money too as i told him that it is best if he saves it, sometimes i am the one sending him money as i asked him before to resign from work as he has difficulties in walking so i told him since in younger, ill help him first (as i got a small business from my da...so i have enough dodge to send for his groceries:)

Charlene,its not "Dodge" its "Dosh" or "Wedge" but I suppose you could amalgamate them and arrive at "Dodge" :Erm:Thats the good thing about english,its a flexible language,congratulations on your inventiveness :xxgrinning--00xx3::icon_lol:

[britishdetained]

Charlene,its not "Dodge" its "Dosh" or "Wedge" but I suppose you could amalgamate them and arrive at "Dodge" :Erm:Thats the good thing about english,its a flexible language,congratulations on your inventiveness :xxgrinning--00xx3::icon_lol:

:rolleyes::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[monkeyface]

For almost two and a half years in LDR, my boyfriend never sent me money. He doesn't have to anyway, I have always survived financially on my own or on my parents' support, when I am not working. Besides, my only vice is food, which is pretty much affordable. :BouncyHappy:

We do exchange gifts sometimes. He sent me flowers a couple of times.

He calls me too but I told him only when it is important cos he is paying so much on that 3 network (which I have whined about in my previous posts). Sometimes, I don't answer his call but call him back since I discovered that 12800 number. Thanks to this forum. :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

At work, when they found out I am dating a white guy, I always get teased about getting a "remittance", I got upset at first cos it made me feel that they are insinuating I am using my boyfriend. Later on, I learned to laugh it off and even joke about GBP-Peso exchange rate. :icon_lol:

I have nothing against those who send/receive money and I understand why they do that as well but I hope guys will be careful when it comes to sending money as some girls use their charm to take advantage. :BlacklistThumbdown0

[scottishbride]

That counts me out, to start off with, then......:Erm:

So no Jocks, no Taffys and no Paddys either, that leaves only the Limeys......:NoNo:

So apart from a couple of Scousers, Brums, Geordies and Mackams, and a manc or three, there isn't much left to go on asking is there...???:Erm:

Too right! :cwm34: