slightly annoyed with my 'family'

[maria_and_matt]

each year we send my family back home a balikbayan box. it gets there xmas time, it makes me feel better celebrating xmas here knowing they all have what their greedy hearts desire:bigcry::bigcry:..

this box is costing me a fortune, they all want things and i have got no heart to say no. my son matthew has a psp to give to my younger brother, now my nieces and nephew want one too, on top of the nintendo dsi i have brought for them already. they also want all the latest game which cost £30-40 each. mobile phones is on the list too:bigcry:.

it makes me sad coz they do not even text me to say hello or how are you, but lately i get at least 10 texts a day with, oh can u buy me this :(...

i just needed to get this off my chest, ranting over now i have to get on packing a buying some more things :(

[triple5]

Put your foot down and say no. If it's family who are close and in regular contact then no problem if you can afford it, but for extended family who only contact you to make requests you have to draw the line somewhere.

[maria_and_matt]

Put your foot down and say no. If it's family who are close and in regular contact then no problem if you can afford it, but for extended family who only contact you to make requests you have to draw the line somewhere.

so so sad to say that they are my immediate family.. my hubby gave me £1k for the box, that is almost gone, i am now using my own savings. i am so sick of this box already it is giving me stress..

[IainBusby]

so so sad to say that they are my immediate family.. my hubby gave me £1k for the box, that is almost gone, i am now using my own savings. i am so sick of this box already it is giving me stress..

£1000, you must be crazy. Were currently filling a box ready to send later this month so it will be there for christmas, but most of it is second hand stuff, food and chocolate etc. I think it's time you put your foot down and let them knowhow expensive it is to live here and how hard it is to come by £1000 in this country. If were me I'd just tell them your sending a box and what they get is what what they get and it will be only what you can afford.
Iain.

[Arthur Little]

each year we send my family back home a balikbayan box. it gets there xmas time, it makes me feel better celebrating xmas here knowing they all have what their greedy hearts desire:bigcry::bigcry:..

this box is costing me a fortune, they all want things and i have got no heart to say no. my son matthew has a psp to give to my younger brother, now my nieces and nephew want one too, on top of the nintendo dsi i have brought for them already. they also want all the latest game which cost £30-40 each. mobile phones is on the list too:bigcry:.

it makes me sad coz they do not even text me to say hello or how are you, but lately i get at least 10 texts a day with, oh can u buy me this :(...

i just needed to get this off my chest, ranting over now i have to get on packing a buying some more things :(


You have my sympathy, but I DO think you need to explain to the family members you're most in touch with, that the cost of living here in the UK is a lot higher than it is in many parts of the world. When Myrna first came to this country back in March, she could scarcely believe the price tags on many commodities that [anywhere] are regarded as basic everyday necessities :cwm24: ... let alone "non essentials" like computer games, mobile phones and so forth.

Worth a try! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[maria_and_matt]

£1000, you must be crazy. Were currently filling a box ready to send later this month so it will be there for christmas, but most of it is second hand stuff, food and chocolate etc. I think it's time you put your foot down and let them knowhow expensive it is to live here and how hard it is to come by £1000 in this country. If were me I'd just tell them your sending a box and what they get is what what they get and it will be only what you can afford.
Iain.

i told them this will be my last box ( i also said that last year). i couldnt get over how i quick i spent the money hubby gave me, and the box aint even full yet.
i will be so happy when this box goes:bigcry::bigcry:

[maria_and_matt]

You have my sympathy, but I DO think you need to explain to the family members you're most in touch with, that the cost of living here in the UK is a lot higher than it is in many parts of the world. When Myrna first came to this country back in March, she could scarcely believe the price tags on many commodities that [anywhere] are regarded as basic everyday necessities :cwm24: ... let alone "non essentials" like computer games, mobile phones and so forth.

Worth a try! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

they know how expensive it is here, most of them have been here to visit us. i just cant say no to the kids :NoNo: i feel so sorry for them, as i know they have very little to play with. i think most of this stems from me feeling guilty about the life my hubby gives us, i know how hard life can be back home, so i try to give them everything they ask for.

in the beginning it was just my sons old toys, old consoles, but all that is gone now. i am staring at my box wondering what to get to fill it up:bigcry:

[nigel]

Filipinas very much love their families and make big sacrifices for them, my Vimvie does, I don't try to stop her but I wish she could realize that SACRIFICE/COMPRIMISE is bad!:NoNo:

Taking out loans so you can give your family even more money is just ridiculous!:NoNo:

My motto is:

If you have recieved an abundance of money, then your in a position to give money!:REGamblMoney01HL1:

If you have little money and you are even giving that, then you are SACRIFICING not giving, COMPRIMISING your own well being, you are leaving yourself with nothing, you simply can't do that cause your life matters too!

You should never "comprimise" yourself! Ensure your own needs are met first! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[bornatbirth]

so so sad to say that they are my immediate family.. my hubby gave me £1k for the box, that is almost gone, i am now using my own savings. i am so sick of this box already it is giving me stress..

do you have trouble saying no?:Erm:

if so can i have £1000 :icon_lol:

btw why buy new games when you can get 20 fake games in the philipines for half the price of a new game in the uk?


Filipinas very much love their families and make big sacrifices for them, my Vimvie does, I don't try to stop her but I wish she could realize that SACRIFICE/COMPRIMISE is bad!:NoNo:

Taking out loans so you can give your family even more money is just ridiculous!:NoNo:

My motto is:

If you have recieved an abundance of money, then your in a position to give money!:REGamblMoney01HL1:

If you have little money and you are even giving that, then you are SACRIFICING not giving, COMPRIMISING your own well being, you are leaving yourself with nothing, you simply can't do that cause your life matters too!

You should never "comprimise" yourself! Ensure your own needs are met first! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

well said :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[JimOttley]

they know how expensive it is here, most of them have been here to visit us. i just cant say no to the kids :NoNo: i feel so sorry for them, as i know they have very little to play with. i think most of this stems from me feeling guilty about the life my hubby gives us, i know how hard life can be back home, so i try to give them everything they ask for.

in the beginning it was just my sons old toys, old consoles, but all that is gone now. i am staring at my box wondering what to get to fill it up:bigcry:

Give what you can and stop there, this is not a rich country any more and will be a lot less rich soon enough. The kind of things it sounds like they are asking for will not make their lives any better, it's ephemeral stuff, here today gone tomorrow and doing little or nothing for their future.

Hands out at Christmas is not nice, particularly if they have been here and seen the costs already and particularly when they are not making much attempt to keep in touch with you.

1k is way more than enough already!


Jim

[maria_and_matt]

Give what you can and stop there, this is not a rich country any more and will be a lot less rich soon enough. The kind of things it sounds like they are asking for will not make their lives any better, it's ephemeral stuff, here today gone tomorrow and doing little or nothing for their future.

Hands out at Christmas is not nice, particularly if they have been here and seen the costs already and particularly when they are not making much attempt to keep in touch with you.

1k is way more than enough already!


Jim


i do not mind giving them things if they can also send me texts to let me know they are thinking of me :(...

it seems that it is the same with most filipina friends i have here, relatives dont text to say thank you we got the money you sent, they only text when the money has run out and they need more.

[maria_and_matt]

Filipinas very much love their families and make big sacrifices for them, my Vimvie does, I don't try to stop her but I wish she could realize that SACRIFICE/COMPRIMISE is bad!:NoNo:

Taking out loans so you can give your family even more money is just ridiculous!:NoNo:

My motto is:

If you have recieved an abundance of money, then your in a position to give money!:REGamblMoney01HL1:

If you have little money and you are even giving that, then you are SACRIFICING not giving, COMPRIMISING your own well being, you are leaving yourself with nothing, you simply can't do that cause your life matters too!

You should never "comprimise" yourself! Ensure your own needs are met first! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

we buy the games here as a bundle, i got a nintendo dsi with 2 games that they wanted, and i am not so sure if the games back home will work with the consoles brought here.

my husband and i give them money we have, we do not intend to borrow so we can finance their 'wants'. i am just fairly lucky that my husband lets me do all the things i do for my family without moaning. i do not work and all of the things that i give my family is from my husband.. i never asked him to do this for me or my family, he lost his parents 8 yrs ago and he told me that he considers my family as his now, and does not mind helping out, but i think that my family is abusing my husbands generosity. :bigcry:

[IainBusby]

i do not mind giving them things if they can also send me texts to let me know they are thinking of me :(...

it seems that it is the same with most filipina friends i have here, relatives dont text to say thank you we got the money you sent, they only text when the money has run out and they need more.

That sounds familiar. You really need to learn to say no, enough is enough.

[bystander09]

each year we send my family back home a balikbayan box. it gets there xmas time, it makes me feel better celebrating xmas here knowing they all have what their greedy hearts desire:bigcry::bigcry:..

this box is costing me a fortune, they all want things and i have got no heart to say no. my son matthew has a psp to give to my younger brother, now my nieces and nephew want one too, on top of the nintendo dsi i have brought for them already. they also want all the latest game which cost £30-40 each. mobile phones is on the list too:bigcry:.

it makes me sad coz they do not even text me to say hello or how are you, but lately i get at least 10 texts a day with, oh can u buy me this :(...

i just needed to get this off my chest, ranting over now i have to get on packing a buying some more things :(

Hi Guys,

This is something that you must learn how to handle. Your family will have great expectations of you. It would be unwise be angry with them, just try and manage their expectations. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

bystander

[JimOttley]

i do not mind giving them things if they can also send me texts to let me know they are thinking of me :(...

it seems that it is the same with most filipina friends i have here, relatives dont text to say thank you we got the money you sent, they only text when the money has run out and they need more.

A couple of years back we had this problem and my partner was not even in the UK, we had constant pressure to solve every problem that came along and often my partner Ana could not talk to me about it, this creates a very poisonous situation between a couple.

It really is not easy, in our case I know there is genuine desparate need in our family and I have helped as much as I can but we cannot possibly solve all their problems alone, we have two kids of our own to support :( and times are getting bad in the UK, we have to think of our future and our kids future!

Having them dip into the foreign bank every month or so is doing them no favours!


Jim

[bystander09]

A couple of years back we had this problem and my partner was not even in the UK, we had constant pressure to solve every problem that came along and often my partner Ana could not talk to me about it, this creates a very poisonous situation between a couple.

It really is not easy, in our case I know there is genuine desparate need in our family and I have helped as much as I can but we cannot possibly solve all their problems alone, we have two kids of our own to support :( and times are getting bad in the UK, we have to think of our future and our kids future!

Having them dip into the foreign bank every month or so is doing them no favours!


Jim

How true this is, and its just amazing how much family pressure the wife can be under and not share with you. This does lead to tension... :bigcry:

bystander

[eljean]

I wish i could send me mom a grand sure she will be so happy...i only sent me old phones haven't send that much yet i wish i can, it's true though that they only remember you when they want summat and they can get summat from you but if they don't they sulk as if like your the most selfish person in the world...i think things should be earn not given...

[joebloggs]

tell them goya - Get Off Your :butthead: and earn some money..

over the years i seem to be turning into a grumpy :censored:, when any of my misses family asked for money for whatever, they hardly ask anymore now :D

as iv'e said b4 its easy to waste away someone elses hard earned money, now my misses works she to feels the same way sometimes :icon_lol:

you've got your own family here, not just in the phils, and someone ( you ? your hubby ) has to earn that money.. so spend it wisely and give them what you can afford. not what they want :ARsurrender:

[britishdetained]

Hello, im sure your family will understand you if you remind them why you are in the UK...

Sad but true, some Filipinos tend to forget the importance of little things such as sending text messages saying hello and how are you. But as you are there...remind them of how you feel about things. It would hurt them, but they will understand you if they love you .

[eleazebonares]

each year we send my family back home a balikbayan box. it gets there xmas time, it makes me feel better celebrating xmas here knowing they all have what their greedy hearts desire:bigcry::bigcry:..

this box is costing me a fortune, they all want things and i have got no heart to say no. my son matthew has a psp to give to my younger brother, now my nieces and nephew want one too, on top of the nintendo dsi i have brought for them already. they also want all the latest game which cost £30-40 each. mobile phones is on the list too:bigcry:.

it makes me sad coz they do not even text me to say hello or how are you, but lately i get at least 10 texts a day with, oh can u buy me this :(...

i just needed to get this off my chest, ranting over now i have to get on packing a buying some more things :(

hey,ujust have to learn to say no. Cuz m0ney dnt grow on trees..lyk u hav to tel em now cuz later on, they'l b askin for more en more..& its n0t even dat impt,ud understand f its lyk 4 educati0n or health purposes. The next 1 u send em,write em a n0te or smthng..

[Florge]

hey,ujust have to learn to say no. Cuz m0ney dnt grow on trees..lyk u hav to tel em now cuz later on, they'l b askin for more en more..& its n0t even dat impt,ud understand f its lyk 4 educati0n or health purposes. The next 1 u send em,write em a n0te or smthng..

Sorry if this i', "hijacking" this thread, but please Eleaze, kindly spell out the words you type here? There are people who can't read text spellings/writings (not one of them though) thanks! :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[eleazebonares]

Sorry if this i', "hijacking" this thread, but please Eleaze, kindly spell out the words you type here? There are people who can't read text spellings/writings (not one of them though) thanks! :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

oh,im sorry..thanks for reminding me though.. Im using my phone for the internet,i apologize.:ARsurrender:

[Florge]

oh,im sorry..thanks for reminding me though.. Im using my phone for the internet,i apologize.:ARsurrender:

No worries... just making it easy for those that are not used to text spellings... hehehe... thanks for understanding :D

[eleazebonares]

Damn,£1k,for toys..thats like 80k php..you can already start a biz for that here in the phil.. Even if your hubby got mucho dinero,theres no way that you should waste it right.. You know they always forget to say thank you,thats so mean of them...makes you feel like they dont even appreciate your expensive padala.

[eleazebonares]

No worries... just making it easy for those that are not used to text spellings... hehehe... thanks for understanding :D

i know what you mean,i just keep on forgeting.i expected this though.lol.. Btw,c0ngrats. :)

[maria_and_matt]

to be perfectly honest i think the money spent is secondary, my main 'rant' i think is about them not texting me, i have a globe roaming sim so they can text me for free or for a peso, but they hardly do, and that breaks my heart coz i miss them.
i was talking to hubby about this last night, i told him it seems that all that i have i can give to them but they hardly give anything back, all i want is abit of love as i am so far away from them. and when i call them they always seem too busy to talk. hubby suggested that maybe i should stop texting and calling for a short while and maybe they will miss me, but what if they dont??:bigcry::bigcry:

[pennybarry]

each year we send my family back home a balikbayan box. it gets there xmas time, it makes me feel better celebrating xmas here knowing they all have what their greedy hearts desire:bigcry::bigcry:..

this box is costing me a fortune, they all want things and i have got no heart to say no. my son matthew has a psp to give to my younger brother, now my nieces and nephew want one too, on top of the nintendo dsi i have brought for them already. they also want all the latest game which cost £30-40 each. mobile phones is on the list too:bigcry:.

it makes me sad coz they do not even text me to say hello or how are you, but lately i get at least 10 texts a day with, oh can u buy me this :(...

i just needed to get this off my chest, ranting over now i have to get on packing a buying some more things :(

You must be so lucky Maria but you have to think if that will help them.
A thousand pounds will be a big help if you spend it wisely.:D

My adopted child was crying out loud for a Nintendo. I explained him well that it might destruct his studies and loose his scholarship. Instead of Nintendo, I sent him computer and he's happy as he search his homework and learned more about computer until he became best in computer in the class.:D They send me offline messages everyday which cost nothing.
My suggestion is why not buy them PC so you can have communication thru internet. Hubby sent his old PSP 2 but I gave it to nephew who already finished his studies in college. I don't give them expensive mobile as I heard some of snatchers who victimized children. They said I kill them with kindness but full of restrictions:icon_lol:. Strict aunt:D

[KeithD]

The Philippine economy is more powerful, and in much less debt than the UK, which make the Phil people BETTER OFF than we are, so they should be sending you a box!

Probably would be cheaper if you'd just transferred the money so someone in the Phil could buy all the stuff, and haggle over the prices.

[scottishbride]

All of the posts mentioned is full of valid points! My wife worked in Dubai for 5 years, she send money and gifts home on a regular basis and because of this she had nothing to show for all her hard work out there. She has stopped giving her family money, we give gifts sometimes or take them out for a meal that is it. My wife wants to work when we hopefully go over to the UK, I am all for this if it is to help her keep her occupied, help her confidence and self esteem. But if it is to send money to the Phils, I am very much against it, she has already given them enough, her brother and sisters are lazy :censored:, who do nothing, they don't even help there mother around the house. I believe this is one of our main culture differences, I know my family would never accept any unecessary amount of money from me. On the other note, her family live a comfortable life, her dad is a very proud man, who actually occasionally takes us out for dinner and he gave us a large sum of money at our wedding, they have never asked anything from us! It is just a pity the brother and sisters are so lazy, they are quite happy to sit around the house all day, I know that if that were me, my oldman would give me a right good kick up the :butthead:!

[adam&chryss]

We can't just help being generous specially with our family...
I'm glad that my family are not asking too much from me.. they are happy whatever I give/send them. Though how I wish I could give them more than I could.

I guess, sis Maria, you spoiled them so much that's why they are like that.


As everyone said here.. start saying 'No'.

Miss you by the way sistah!

[GaryFifer]

Send this book

How to speak and how to listen (http://www.amazon.com/How-Speak-Listen-Mortimer-Adler/dp/0684846470/ref=pd_sim_b_1/187-7697506-9694324)

[bystander09]

tell them goya - Get Off Your :butthead: and earn some money..

:ARsurrender:


This is just too simplistic. Most Pinoy's work extremely hard to do what they can to support their family... Good job opportunities in the provinces are very few and far between. And there are no benefits to fall back on.

So your kick ass approach is totally unacceptable and unworkable.. :doh

bystander

[KeithD]

So your kick ass approach is totally unacceptable and unworkable.. :doh

No it isn't. Once they have got used to money/presents coming in from the West, they take life easy, as they always have Mr Rich White Man to fall back on. We see it all the time on here, so for 13 years in the Phil your guide dog obviously didn't take you out much! :rolleyes:

[scottishbride]

No it isn't. Once they have got used to money/presents coming in from the West, they take life easy, as they always have Mr Rich White Man to fall back on. We see it all the time on here, so for 13 years in the Phil your guide dog obviously didn't take you out much! :rolleyes:

Well said!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[ca143]

i guess from the beggining u spoiled them,try ur very best to say NO especially for those expensive stuff.me back home i have one and only sister when i arrive her i feel she start demand to ask me the latest device what i did is send her money to start cooking bbq at weekend so she gets what she like on her profit,,,try them to feel how hard to find money....

[maria_and_matt]

The Philippine economy is more powerful, and in much less debt than the UK, which make the Phil people BETTER OFF than we are, so they should be sending you a box!

Probably would be cheaper if you'd just transferred the money so someone in the Phil could buy all the stuff, and haggle over the prices.

a box from them would be nice:icon_lol: not hoping tho they are not even sending me texts:icon_lol::icon_lol:

if i send the money the adults have a habit of not giving to the kids, and the money i will send will be used to paying their debts:icon_lol::icon_lol:

[maria_and_matt]

We can't just help being generous specially with our family...
I'm glad that my family are not asking too much from me.. they are happy whatever I give/send them. Though how I wish I could give them more than I could.

I guess, sis Maria, you spoiled them so much that's why they are like that.


As everyone said here.. start saying 'No'.

Miss you by the way sistah!

miss you too, been meaning to invite you round but this box is keeping me so busy, will see u at the end of sept when this box has been picked up... muah!

[maria_and_matt]

This is just too simplistic. Most Pinoy's work extremely hard to do what they can to support their family... Good job opportunities in the provinces are very few and far between. And there are no benefits to fall back on.

So your kick ass approach is totally unacceptable and unworkable.. :doh

bystander

they do work hard, but with 4 kids its not enough :(..if i do not help my nieces and nephews will have to do with what they have which is not much :(.. heartbreaking :bigcry:

[joebloggs]

This is just too simplistic. Most Pinoy's work extremely hard to do what they can to support their family... Good job opportunities in the provinces are very few and far between. And there are no benefits to fall back on.

So your kick ass approach is totally unacceptable and unworkable.. :doh

bystander

:doh that was my feeble attempt at humor :ARsurrender:

yes and most whiteys work hard, supporting a family in the phils and thier own in the uk :NoNo:

[IainBusby]

:doh that was my feeble attempt at humor :ARsurrender:

yes and most whiteys work hard, supporting a family in the phils and thier own in the uk :NoNo:

I sometimes think that the UK family is not considered as "family" in the same sense as the family back home in the Philippines is.

[joebloggs]

I sometimes think that the UK family is not considered as "family" in the same sense as the family back home in the Philippines is.

i know what you mean :cwm24:

[IainBusby]

i know what you mean :cwm24:

I've asked this question before but I still haven't got a sensible answer, how long does it take for the kano husband to be regarded as part of the family? I've only had one hint of what the answer might be and that was, when he's prepared to give whatever is asked of him without question to the family in back home in the Philippines.

It seems to me that if you keep your head on straight and give only a reasonable amount each month, only what you can reasonably afford and not what they ask for or expect, then you are regarded as kuripot which (after I've parted with hard earned money) I find extremely insulting.

Iain.

[gWaPito]

You have the support of your husband, for that you must be grateful. You are aware they have ''crossed the line'' so, although this saddens you, you have realised enough is enough.

I know of a Filipina and an English guy near to were I live. They have been married for 20yrs with two children. They both work full time, the husband pays all the bills etc and the wife sends her money back to Phil each week £1600 a month.

This was they believed for her sick parents. They visited a while back because her Dad was on his death bed. This was the first time they gone to Phil in 8yrs (always broke!).

What they found shocked the husband. Her brothers never worked but, all had nice clothes and no end of ciggys and rum. They were having a ''ball'' at there expense.

The wife didn't want to stop the payments, the husband did, or at least reduce them.
She wouldn't compromise...the marriage failed

[Tawi2]

No one should complain really because its a known fact in pinas that westerners have a never ending supply of money,no one west of Luzon has bills to pay,nor a hefty mortgage to pay-off or even utility bills because its all FREE :REGamblMoney01HL1::REDancedancer08::REGamblMoney01HL1:Or at least it must be free right :Erm:because if your a pinoy sending your sis in England 20 TXT(she has a roaming SMART sim otherwise she would have to phone you)a week asking for cash she just remitts and remitts and remitts :REDancedancer08::REGamblMoney01HL1: I always say and this mantra should be etched on your cheque book covers "The more ya send the more they spend" :REGamblMoney01HL1:I mentioned before I know a marriage thats breaking up as we speak because the woman borrowed around £30,000 that the guy has so far found out about and sent it all east,he paid everything,all bills,mortgage,the lot,she worked full time and after 10 years here had diddly squat in her account and STILL borrowed 10's of 1000's of pounds from here....there.....everywhere :rolleyes:Pinas is Remittance central,those islands are kept afloat through remittances,some places every 2'nd shop is a western-union :Erm:its a dependancy culture,but utang na loob is a one-way street running from west to east :icon_lol:

[Jonnywina]

My god..I am so Glad my Family is not like that. They'd be happy if I remember sending them things for sure but they would send me text messages asking for something. You should learn how to say no. If you can't afford what they've been asking for you. Tell them it is not busy working our butt off here. We don't just pick up money on the road.

Say no..and be honest and tell them how you feel about them asking stuff. It's okay to give once in a while but there has to be a limit. They should know it. Just an opinion.

[gWaPito]

No one should complain really because its a known fact in pinas that westerners have a never ending supply of money,no one west of Luzon has bills to pay,nor a hefty mortgage to pay-off or even utility bills because its all FREE :REGamblMoney01HL1::REDancedancer08::REGamblMoney01HL1:Or at least it must be free right :Erm:because if your a pinoy sending your sis in England 20 TXT(she has a roaming SMART sim otherwise she would have to phone you)a week asking for cash she just remitts and remitts and remitts :REDancedancer08::REGamblMoney01HL1: I always say and this mantra should be etched on your cheque book covers "The more ya send the more they spend" :REGamblMoney01HL1:I mentioned before I know a marriage thats breaking up as we speak because the woman borrowed around £30,000 that the guy has so far found out about and sent it all east,he paid everything,all bills,mortgage,the lot,she worked full time and after 10 years here had diddly squat in her account and STILL borrowed 10's of 1000's of pounds from here....there.....everywhere :rolleyes:Pinas is Remittance central,those islands are kept afloat through remittances,some places every 2'nd shop is a western-union :Erm:its a dependancy culture,but utang na loob is sometimes one-way traffic :icon_lol:

Right on!!...where money is concerned there is sometimes a lack of understanding. As you, and most every one else on here will be aware that, most western couples put there money in the same ''pot'' no, what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine also!! Like you rightly said, many Phil/UK marriages fail becoz of this. It is no good the husband turning a ''blind eye'' or ''having his head in the sand'' all will come out sooner or later, be it now or in 30 yrs time.

Resentment grows

[IainBusby]

"The more ya send the more they spend"

And the more they ask for and expect you to send.

[Jonnywina]

Please say no this time..they have to learn the value of money and how hard it is to work to earn it. Its not something we just pick up somewhere. We work for it. I'd always tell my family back at home that what is sent there they should use it wisely and only get things that they really need and save the rest. It should always be like that. You can't spoil them that much. I am not a bank and so is my husband :)

[IainBusby]

Please say no this time..they have to learn the value of money and how hard it is to work to earn it. Its not something we just pick up somewhere. We work for it. I'd always tell my family back at home that what is sent there they should use it wisely and only get things that they really need and save the rest. It should always be like that. You can't spoil them that much. I am not a bank and so is my husband :)

Well Said. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[maria_and_matt]

My god..I am so Glad my Family is not like that. They'd be happy if I remember sending them things for sure but they would send me text messages asking for something. You should learn how to say no. If you can't afford what they've been asking for you. Tell them it is not busy working our butt off here. We don't just pick up money on the road.

Say no..and be honest and tell them how you feel about them asking stuff. It's okay to give once in a while but there has to be a limit. They should know it. Just an opinion.

its hubbys fault, he is the one who started to send a box home for xmas. anyway the box is being picked up this sunday, so thats that till the next one.

[maria_and_matt]

Right on!!...where money is concerned there is sometimes a lack of understanding. As you, and most every one else on here will be aware that, most western couples put there money in the same ''pot'' no, what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine also!! Like you rightly said, many Phil/UK marriages fail becoz of this. It is no good the husband turning a ''blind eye'' or ''having his head in the sand'' all will come out sooner or later, be it now or in 30 yrs time.

Resentment grows

hmm true to some people maybe, my husband told me last night that he sees that there is a need to help my mother back home, there was a time there that i told him not to send her some money, he only lasted a year, and he started helping again about 6 months ago. i am beginning to resent what he is doing as i feel we need to only send what is needed and not whats wanted.

[gWaPito]

hmm true to some people maybe, my husband told me last night that he sees that there is a need to help my mother back home, there was a time there that i told him not to send her some money, he only lasted a year, and he started helping again about 6 months ago. i am beginning to resent what he is doing as i feel we need to only send what is needed and not whats wanted.

I won't say any more for fear of offending someone. Money is a very emotive subject.

You know what you have to do, I wish you well. :)

[maria_and_matt]

I won't say any more for fear of offending someone. Money is a very emotive subject.

You know what you have to do, I wish you well. :)


say it... i dont get easily affended by peoples opinions, we are all entitled to one:)

[gWaPito]

say it... i dont get easily affended by peoples opinions, we are all entitled to one:)

That is exactly it, just plain simple opinions, not facts. You sound if you are 'hurting' so you don't need it.

keep posting and don't get 'down hearted', you are not alone with this problem.
You had the courage to 'post' it so, good for you! :)

He has, as you have quoted ' God, grant me the courage to change things I can'

[maria_and_matt]

That is exactly it, just plain simple opinions, not facts. You sound if you are 'hurting' so you don't need it.

keep posting and don't get 'down hearted', you are not alone with this problem.
You had the courage to 'post' it so, good for you! :)

He has, as you have quoted ' God, grant me the courage to change things I can'

yeah i had to rant about it here coz i had no one to talk to about those things, i just wish they'd (my family) see the 'light'. i am so lucky that my hubby is kind to them. i think that is is me who gets fed up with sending money back home, i do not know why, i just am :(

[gWaPito]

yeah i had to rant about it here coz i had no one to talk to about those things, i just wish they'd (my family) see the 'light'. i am so lucky that my hubby is kind to them. i think that is is me who gets fed up with sending money back home, i do not know why, i just am :(

You are lucky, normally it's the other way round but, if the money being sent is affecting the way you live then, you must address this issue.

If you are a devout Christian this is where the problem starts. We know what was said about giving to the needy so, I won't bang on about that one.
If you don't give you become 'raked' with guilt, you become 'torn' inside.

Anyway enough, I'm going too deep. :)

[maria_and_matt]

You are lucky, normally it's the other way round but, if the money being sent is affecting the way you live then, you must address this issue.

If you are a devout Christian this is where the problem starts. We know what was said about giving to the needy so, I won't bang on about that one.
If you don't give you become 'raked' with guilt, you become 'torn' inside.

Anyway enough, I'm going too deep. :)

you got it right, if we do not help i feel ever so guilty, and when we do i feel they are taking advantage of us... :Help1:

[jaishann]

my husband and i give them money we have, we do not intend to borrow so we can finance their 'wants'. i am just fairly lucky that my husband lets me do all the things i do for my family without moaning. i do not work and all of the things that i give my family is from my husband.. i never asked him to do this for me or my family, he lost his parents 8 yrs ago and he told me that he considers my family as his now, and does not mind helping out, but i think that my family is abusing my husbands generosity. :bigcry:[/QUOTE]

just be reminded my dear that needs and wants are two different things. as we all dont know what the future brings , think about yourselves as well as there will be time you might need help and you'd be upset if you spent it all when you had it and nothings left when you need it..

[pumpkins]

hi maria..i know every filipina have a different kind of situation in terms of family..
of course if one of my family member need help,i will give a helping hand in time of their needs.i dont have a heartstone but if they become abusive,well well well i wont accept that..my family knew me anyway as
" kuripot ".:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:
and about the money thing, it should be discuss between husband and wife

[IainBusby]

hi maria..i know every filipina have a different kind of situation in terms of family..
of course if one of my family member need help,i will give a helping hand in time of their needs.i dont have a heartstone but if they become abusive,well well well i wont accept that..my family knew me anyway as
" kuripot ".:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:
and about the money thing, it should be discuss between husband and wife

I'd rather be seen as kuripot than as a soft touch.

[maria_and_matt]

I'd rather be seen as kuripot than as a soft touch.

there is nothing wrong with being seen as a soft touch, my husband told me that he feels so much better knowing my mum is well cared for. i think that between the 2 of us i am the kuripot one. but he always explains to me the need to share what we have. his parents died just after we got married and he sees my family as his family and does everything to make sure they are alright.

[IainBusby]

there is nothing wrong with being seen as a soft touch, my husband told me that he feels so much better knowing my mum is well cared for. i think that between the 2 of us i am the kuripot one. but he always explains to me the need to share what we have. his parents died just after we got married and he sees my family as his family and does everything to make sure they are alright.

I myself am quite prepared and do "make sure they are alright" and I'm quite sure that they are in fact, better off than they have ever been before. But I find that just "being alright" is a far cry from what they want, or what they expected when their daughter married a Brit and went to live in the land of milk and honey.

Iain.

[gWaPito]

I'd rather be seen as kuripot than as a soft touch.

I like cheap Charlie :)