What are you like with text/sms messages?

[South-east boy]

For those of you that send and receive text/sms messages, I just wondered how quick you reply to them and does it depend on who they are from or what it's about etc? Also do you get frustrated if they take a while to reply or don't reply and if you do, does it depend on who you are waiting to hear from?

Some people seem to be quite different in this and what seems normal to one person, can be quite different to another which can cause the odd annoyance/frustration! :doh

[maria_and_matt]

i only reply to people i like:icon_lol: if i get a text (from those i like) i reply straight away.. for those i only like a little, well they can wait a day or two, for the people i dislike they can wait forever:icon_lol::icon_lol:

[Steve.r]

i only reply to people i like:icon_lol: if i get a text (from those i like) i reply straight away.. for those i only like a little, well they can wait a day or two, for the people i dislike they can wait forever:icon_lol::icon_lol:

Much the same for me, depends who it is and what it is about. If my Mahal, I reply right away, close friends the same.

[somebody]

Sms, Emails, IMs even phone calls replying is a minefield.

I have learned dont create a rod for your back by replying to quickly otherwise its always expected..

[Doc Alan]

According to "The Times" today 99 text messages were sent per month per mobile connection in the UK in 2008, compared to 36 in 2003. The Philippines is said to lead the world in the use of text messaging , according to "The Rough Guide to the Philippines".
My only caution would be not to assume because you have sent a text message that it has been received by the intended recipient !

[South-east boy]

According to "The Times" today 99 text messages were sent per month per mobile connection in the UK in 2008, compared to 36 in 2003. The Philippines is said to lead the world in the use of text messaging , according to "The Rough Guide to the Philippines".
My only caution would be not to assume because you have sent a text message that it has been received by the intended recipient !

The only younger person I know that doesn't text AT ALL is a Filipino! :icon_lol:

As with always expecting that they have received the message, I guess that's also the same with emails and even old-fashioned letters. You automatically expect that they have received it and if you haven't heard, you can get disappointed or annoyed that they haven't replied, when they might not have received it at all! :NoNo: Sadly, this could have even ended relationships if the sender thinks that the recipient has not bothered to reply and is not interested anymore. I've had the odd problem before with text messages, emails and letters not being received by me or the recipient! :cwm34:

The other problem with waiting to hear back from text messages, is do you just wait or say, "i hope that you got my message?". Of course they might never have got it, so maybe best not to just wait, but if they have then you could also annoy them if they think you are hassling them when they could have been busy/unable to reply! Or they could have just forgot! :rolleyes: It's not easy sometimes! :icon_lol:

[somebody]

According to "The Times" today 99 text messages were sent per month per mobile connection in the UK in 2008, compared to 36 in 2003. The Philippines is said to lead the world in the use of text messaging , according to "The Rough Guide to the Philippines".
My only caution would be not to assume because you have sent a text message that it has been received by the intended recipient !

Wll read recepits give you a fair idea if the mobile device has received the sms but certainly you have no idea if the phone owner has actrually read the text message.

I know during the working day now I can often recieve so many sms,emails, im and phone calls its very hard to reply in order you recieved them:rolleyes:

[South-east boy]

Sometimes I've been waiting for a reply, then have seen that my message is still in the 'out' or 'drafts' box as I guess when I tried to send it, I was in a low/no signal area! :doh

How do you feel if your boyfriend/girlfriend takes/took quite a while to reply?

[bornatbirth]

i hate texting,i just dont get it.

i reply to any text right away but due to it taking me so long,it may take a while :D

[Dedworth]

I used to loath texts and found it a real slow bind messing about with the keypad to reply, however got a Blackberry last year and the full keyboard makes it dead easy.

Never had a problem with unsent messages sitting in the outbox except at times when the networks are swamped like last weeks traffic gridlock, New Year etc

[Sim11UK]

I like texting & usually try to reply, straight away depending who it is?
Can be quite stressful sometimes, trying to reply if you are busy, or driving or something.

One thing I find sad is, how it is being used as a means, to bully people.
Must be quite scary, to be a victim of this. :NoNo:

[South-east boy]

i hate texting,i just dont get it.

i reply to any text right away but due to it taking me so long,it may take a while :D

I find it an easy way to keep in touch as not everyone spends a fair bit of time on a PC and some people just don't phone that much/work odd hours + it can be expensive to phone. I do miss a decent phone chat though, especially as I spend most of the day at work on my own & live on my own.

Texting is also handy as sometimes you can't phone them or they can't answer the phone as they could be at work, driving or busy doing something else, but they could receive a text message and then read it when they are able to, rather than you keep trying to or waiting to phone them. Sometimes also you only want to say/ask something quick and if you phoned every time, you'd soon use all your phone minutes up whereas most contracts have a few hundred few text messages.

[somebody]

I like texting & usually try to reply, straight away depending who it is?
Can be quite stressful sometimes, trying to reply if you are busy, or driving or something.

One thing I find sad is, how it is being used as a means, to bully people.
Must be quite scary, to be a victim of this. :NoNo:

Very true about the bullying.

With technolgy changing so quickly many parents have no idea or concept of what can be done with technolgy.

At my workplace and many others now email, sms and mobile phone equiette have to be taught as many people of all ages use but have no ideas or try to use skills or knowledge from other methods of communication which dont always cross over fully.

I would advise those who are not au fait to do a bit of googling nothing mind boggling all fairly simple but can safe a lot of grief due to a mis understood message or a faux pa made

[RickyR]

Texting seems pretty pointless to me, I like an immediate answer and therefore just call people. Seems quicker anyway.
Had one of these stupid iphones, and now I dont. I now have another basic nokia, as its much better, longer battery and easier to make calls.

[Sim11UK]

I would advise those who are not au fait to do a bit of googling nothing mind boggling all fairly simple but can safe a lot of grief due to a mis understood message or a faux pa made

Yeah! very easy to misunderstand messages, as has happened on this forum.
Thank God for the smilies. :):xxgrinning--00xx3::Hellooo::cwm12:

[SteveTalaga]

i only reply to people i like:icon_lol: if i get a text (from those i like) i reply straight away.. for those i only like a little, well they can wait a day or two, for the people i dislike they can wait forever:icon_lol::icon_lol:Yeah - That's me as well :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[jam07]

How do you feel if your boyfriend/girlfriend takes/took quite a while to reply?

tampo mode! :rolleyes:

[SteveTalaga]

tampo mode! :rolleyes:Ayo ko tampo mode :doh

[lenlen]

i only reply to people i like:icon_lol: if i get a text (from those i like) i reply straight away.. for those i only like a little, well they can wait a day or two, for the people i dislike they can wait forever:icon_lol::icon_lol: Yes I agree with you.

[somebody]

Blimey with all these people saying how long they reply to electronic messages I hope they dont forget to reply to a loved one for some reason:D:omg::D

[South-east boy]

Texting seems pretty pointless to me, I like an immediate answer and therefore just call people. Seems quicker anyway.
Had one of these stupid iphones, and now I dont. I now have another basic nokia, as its much better, longer battery and easier to make calls.

You sounds like my parents there! :icon_lol: I think it depends if you want a phone to be just a phone or you want it to do other things as well. I love my iphone - I don't have a laptop and it means I can get on the internet easily anywhere as long as there is a phone signal and it works well - it's how I browse and make posts/replies on this forum a lot of the time. I can also keep check on my emails,m rather than having to wait until I get home in front of the PC. It has apps for things such as Yahoo, Sky news, sky sports, the weather, maps of anywhere on the world, Google earth, Youtube, TV Guide, I can watch live TV, Film trailers, Tube map, compass, games and many other things! So if ever I'm stuck anywhere waiting or whatever, there's always something to keep me entertained!

[somebody]

You sounds like my parents there! :icon_lol: I think it depends if you want a phone to be just a phone or you want it to do other things as well. I love my iphone - I don't have a laptop and it means I can get on the internet easily anywhere as long as there is a phone signal and it works well - it's how I browse and make posts/replies on this forum a lot of the time. I can also keep check on my emails,m rather than having to wait until I get home in front of the PC. It has apps for things such as Yahoo, Sky news, sky sports, the weather, maps of anywhere on the world, Google earth, Youtube, TV Guide, I can watch live TV, Film trailers, Tube map, compass, games and many other things! So if ever I'm stuck anywhere waiting or whatever, there's always something to keep me entertained!

Ricky has a good point although I have a all singing all dancing phone which i can remove the battery from and replace with a spare:omg: I et even the new Islate or new i phone coming out july cant do that:D

I also carry a bog standard Nokia with week long battery life simple, tough as a house brick and powers up in seconds and never crashes.

The all singing gets switched off far quicker than the Nokia and with many people its far simpler to actually call than end up in text,email or im rallys:doh

Did you know a youtube film viewed on 3g is the same as 500,000 texts being sent, very soon you will find a congestion charge added to those that use data i feel:rolleyes:

[South-east boy]

tampo mode! :rolleyes:


Blimey with all these people saying how long they reply to electronic messages I hope they dont forget to reply to a loved one for some reason:D:omg::D

Maybe that's what happened with me?:Erm: Been waiting for a reply from since 4.38pm on Saturday, so am a bit worried and a bit down about it -it's the longest that she has taken to reply. :cwm24: I sent another message on Sunday eve just saying that I hoped she had got my message and that I tried to send her one earlier, but the battery on my iphone had run out (I'd been staying at my parents & had forgot to take my charger), and the smart phone I use to receive messages from her wouldn't send the message as I guess I had used my load of messages? I sent her a 500 pesos load recently, so that can't have run out and even if it has, it's only 1 pesos for her to send me a message. I don't think she has been on the internet as she still hasn't read the e-card I sent her on Christmas eve (I did send her a real Christmas card as well!) or forwarded the email to my home address that she had sent to my work address on Christmas eve by mistake.

Don't know what to do now. :cwm34: I was hoping to chat to her over the last 2 days as well .

[somebody]

Maybe that's what happened with me?:Erm: Been waiting for a reply from since 5.15pm on Saturday, so am a bit worried and a bit down about it -it's the longest that she has taken to reply. :cwm24: I sent another message on Sunday eve just saying that I hoped she had got my message and that I tried to send her one earlier, but the battery on my iphone had run out (I'd been staying at my parents & had forgot to take my charger), and the smart phone I use to receive messages from her wouldn't send the message as I guess I had used my load of messages? I sent her a 500 pesos load recently, so that can't have run out and even if it has, it's only 1 pesos for her to send me a message. I don't think she has been on the internet as she still hasn't read the e-card I sent her on Christmas eve (I did send her a real Christmas card as well!) or forwarded the email to my home address that she had sent to my work address on Christmas eve by mistake.

Don't know what to do now. :cwm34:

So waiting since Saturday which if you sent at 5.15 was the middle of the night in phill.
A text costs more than 1 peso if sending to a uk operator from a phill operator or do you use a roaming sim or..

Give her some time and dont worry Christmas is a hertic time for all the world who celebrate it, it seems.

How do you know she has not read the e card? im guessing read receipt but they dont work always as im sure your aware.

I guess you use o2 have you made sure you can check last number

for vodafone and o2 *#147# should show you a text of the last call and time and date very handy for checking for those who dont or cant leave messages.

Dont forget the networks suffer a lot during christmas and New year even more so between UK and Phill it seems so the sms may have got lost it does seem to happen. So worth just sending another during the next few days before the next message log jam occurs:)

[jam07]

Maybe that's what happened with me?:Erm: Been waiting for a reply from since 5.15pm on Saturday, so am a bit worried and a bit down about it -it's the longest that she has taken to reply. :cwm24: I sent another message on Sunday eve just saying that I hoped she had got my message and that I tried to send her one earlier, but the battery on my iphone had run out (I'd been staying at my parents & had forgot to take my charger), and the smart phone I use to receive messages from her wouldn't send the message as I guess I had used my load of messages? I sent her a 500 pesos load recently, so that can't have run out and even if it has, it's only 1 pesos for her to send me a message. I don't think she has been on the internet as she still hasn't read the e-card I sent her on Christmas eve (I did send her a real Christmas card as well!) or forwarded the email to my home address that she had sent to my work address on Christmas eve by mistake.

Don't know what to do now. :cwm34: I was hoping to chat to her over the last 2 days as well .

have you tried calling her through landline and mobile instead?

:)

[somebody]

have you tried calling her through landline and mobile instead?

:)

Indeed if a problem with load (I know family in phill have complianed its simply vanished) she should still be able to recieve a call..

Of course make sure you dont call direct on your mobile or landline. For the best suggestions for your situation check out the moneysaving experts table you should find many links to it on here...

[South-east boy]

Indeed if a problem with load (I know family in phill have complianed its simply vanished) she should still be able to recieve a call..

Of course make sure you dont call direct on your mobile or landline. For the best suggestions for your situation check out the moneysaving experts table you should find many links to it on here...

Hadn't seen your earlier post. I just checked and she sent the last message at 4.25pm and I replied at 4.38pm on Saturday. Yes, I have a Smart roaming sim-card on a different phone, so thats why it only costs 1 pesos for her to text me. Yeah with the e-card, it sends you a receipt when it's been read and also I would have though if she had been on the PC, then she would have forwarded that message as I did say that I'm not back to work until Jan.5th which is too long to wait to see the message!

I've got a 1st dial calling card which is 5p to landline or 5p to mobiles. I haven't called as I didn't think she wants to talk if she doesn't want to text me and has been silent for 3 days. Too late to phone now anyway as it's after midnight and also don't know if she's back at work or what as I don't know what she's been up to over the last few days. She had said before that she hasn't sent a text during UK night-time as she didn't want to wake me, but I said it's ok to text me anytime as I switch the phone off at night so I won't get woken and I'll see any message that she's sent once I wake up.

[Sim11UK]

Maybe that's what happened with me?:Erm: Been waiting for a reply from since 4.38pm on Saturday, so am a bit worried and a bit down about it -it's the longest that she has taken to reply. :cwm24: I sent another message on Sunday eve just saying that I hoped she had got my message and that I tried to send her one earlier, but the battery on my iphone had run out (I'd been staying at my parents & had forgot to take my charger), and the smart phone I use to receive messages from her wouldn't send the message as I guess I had used my load of messages? I sent her a 500 pesos load recently, so that can't have run out and even if it has, it's only 1 pesos for her to send me a message. I don't think she has been on the internet as she still hasn't read the e-card I sent her on Christmas eve (I did send her a real Christmas card as well!) or forwarded the email to my home address that she had sent to my work address on Christmas eve by mistake.

Don't know what to do now. :cwm34: I was hoping to chat to her over the last 2 days as well .

I think we've all had anxious times like this, don't worry about it too much yet.
I never received a text, my wife sent me the other day...& as for talking on the phone, like every christmas, it's almost impossible, as her voice keeps breaking up.

Has she got her own internet connection, or does she rely on the cafes?

Probably just got involved in all the christmas goings-on.

I never heard from mine, in the early days when she went home to her folks.
Nearly 2 weeks, convinced my self of the worst, then got a phone call one morning....Hi :doh :)

[somebody]

Hadn't seen your earlier post. I just checked and she sent the last message at 4.25pm and I replied at 4.38pm on Saturday. Yes, I have a Smart roaming sim-card on a different phone, so thats why it only costs 1 pesos for her to text me. Yeah with the e-card, it sends you a receipt when it's been read and also I would have though if she had been on the PC, then she would have forwarded that message as I did say that I'm not back to work until Jan.5th which is too long to wait to see the message!

I've got a 1st dial calling card which is 5p to landline or 5p to mobiles. I haven't called as I didn't think she wants to talk if she doesn't want to text me and has been silent for 3 days. Too late to phone now anyway as it's after midnight and also don't know if she's back at work or what as I don't know what she's been up to over the last few days. She had said before that she hasn't sent a text during UK night-time as she didn't want to wake me, but I said it's ok to text me anytime as I switch the phone off at night so I won't get woken and I'll see any message that she's sent once I wake up.

Another point sir is o2 have had many outrages recently due to the Iphone and what not...

Like Sim11Uk says Phills do seem to get wrapped up in the family thing and time flys by she wont want to interupt your Christmas break and will be waiting for you to call:rolleyes:

The Wife has had that when she goes back home or goes to Italy to see her mum. When she does ring or goes to realises its to early to late:doh Like you if my Phone is on its my fault if im snoozing or if its off I will pick up the message when i wake up.

[Northerner]

My problem is that I am always leaving my phone on silent so it doesn't interfere with work.. But then I leave it on silent only to come across 7 or more text messages and a missed call or two:doh

So, I guess I am not the most reliable person with regards to text message replies:rolleyes:

[South-east boy]

I guess I'll call her tomorrow evening her time. Just say that I've been a bit worried and thought that maybe she hadn't received my messages or something.

With text messages, I normally reply fairly quickly, but depends on how busy I am and it an answer is needed. But messages from girlfriends/partners I always try and reply quickly to show that I care about them & they are on my mind. I also love hearing from them and know that I hate waiting for replies from them myself, so I don't want them to feel the same in waiting! Maybe she's just different with text messages, but I've always felt that if they don't reply or take a long time, they don't care so much about you. I guess it's also that I've not been so lucky with women before and have had a LDR before (she only lived in France though, so not quite the same!) and she just disappeared without ended it or anything after nearly 3 years of knowing each other, so I guess I maybe need a little more assurance that they do really care about me. I'm also on my own a lot at work and at home, so that also makes me feel more frustrated in waiting to hear.

[kenny]

I had a new touch screen phone and i hate texting these days, if you text a lot dont get a touch phone.. grrr

[somebody]

I guess I'll call her tomorrow evening her time. Just say that I've been a bit worried and thought that maybe she hadn't received my messages or something.

With text messages, I normally reply fairly quickly, but depends on how busy I am and it an answer is needed. But messages from girlfriends/partners I always try and reply quickly to show that I care about them & they are on my mind. I also love hearing from them and know that I hate waiting for replies from them myself, so I don't want them to feel the same in waiting! Maybe she's just different with text messages, but I've always felt that if they don't reply or take a long time, they don't care so much about you. I guess it's also that I've not been so lucky with women before and have had a LDR before (she only lived in France though, so not quite the same!) and she just disappeared without ended it or anything after nearly 3 years of knowing each other, so I guess I maybe need a little more assurance that they do really care about me. I'm also on my own a lot at work and at home, so that also makes me feel more frustrated in waiting to hear.

Sounds like a good plan.

I think we forget in our always switched on world where interactions only ten years ago took days are dealt with in mintues if not seconds. We need to some times stand back and think hang on lets slow down a little.

I know im gulity of thinking electronic time when i should be thinking real time let alone Phill time:)

[somebody]

My problem is that I am always leaving my phone on silent so it doesn't interfere with work.. But then I leave it on silent only to come across 7 or more text messages and a missed call or two:doh

So, I guess I am not the most reliable person with regards to text message replies:rolleyes:

:D Thats me as well:doh

[South-east boy]

Sounds like a good plan.

I think we forget in our always switched on world where interactions only ten years ago took days are dealt with in mintues if not seconds. We need to some times stand back and think hang on lets slow down a little.

I know im gulity of thinking electronic time when i should be thinking real time let alone Phill time:)

I tried phoning her mobile over an our ago (1.45pm), 30 minutes ago and just now and no answer. I also phoned her land-line after I tried phoning her mobile the first time and one of her sisters or neices answered and said she was out and didn't know when she would be back, so I just said to let her know that I had called. It's a little tricky for them to understand my accent. Can't really call the land-line again as it's now 11pm there and quite late. I've heard nothing from her for 4 days now. :NoNo:

[jam07]

I tried phoning her mobile over an our ago (1.45pm), 30 minutes ago and just now and no answer. I also phoned her landline after I tried phoning her mobile the first time and one of her sisters or neices answered and said she was out and didn't know when she would be back, so I just said to ler her know that I had called. Can't really call the landline again as it's now 11pm there and quite late. I've heard nothing from her for 4 days now. :NoNo:

oh dear! I kind'a understand what your going through. When I had someone before, I went crazy hearing nothing from him since day one. I dont want to go thru that again. :NoNo: :doh ... anyway, I hope she communicates with you soon :)

:)

[South-east boy]

oh dear! I kind'a understand what your going through. When I had someone before, I went crazy hearing nothing from him since day one. I dont want to go thru that again. :NoNo: :doh ... anyway, I hope she communicates with you soon :)

:)

Thanks, I sent her a text message about 30 minutes ago saying that I had been worried about her and asking her to just let me know everything is ok.

[Dedworth]

Thanks, I sent her a text message about 30 minutes ago saying that I had been worried about her and asking her to just let me know everything is ok.

I hope you hear soon and there's a decent explanation, early hours of the am there now though

[lizaphil]

For those of you that send and receive text/sms messages, I just wondered how quick you reply to them and does it depend on who they are from or what it's about etc? Also do you get frustrated if they take a while to reply or don't reply and if you do, does it depend on who you are waiting to hear from?

Some people seem to be quite different in this and what seems normal to one person, can be quite different to another which can cause the odd annoyance/frustration! :doh

well depends who sending text if it is important i reply or i call them back...
or if im not busy i send text :cwm12::cwm12:

[Sim11UK]

Thanks, I sent her a text message about 30 minutes ago saying that I had been worried about her and asking her to just let me know everything is ok.

I hope you hear something soon, it's not a nice situation.
Have you made any plans, to visit her at all? If you haven't, you need to move heaven & earth, to do so.

I know you've mentioned money being tight, but to be honest, it is for most of us...I'm certainly struggling.

Can you sell something?...do a few carboot sales? or something or other that will bring in enough money, to get out there.
We are a long way from the Philippines, it's hard for these girls to take us seriously, if we don't make plans to visit them, they wont wait forever.

My now wife, didn't really believe I was ever going to visit her, until I waved my plane ticket in front of her.

I really want things to work out for you. :)

[South-east boy]

I hope you hear something soon, it's not a nice situation.
Have you made any plans, to visit her at all? If you haven't, you need to move heaven & earth, to do so.

I know you've mentioned money being tight, but to be honest, it is for most of us...I'm certainly struggling.

Can you sell something?...do a few carboot sales? or something or other that will bring in enough money, to get out there.
We are a long way from the Philippines, it's hard for these girls to take us seriously, if we don't make plans to visit them, they wont wait forever.

My now wife, didn't really believe I was ever going to visit her, until I waved my plane ticket in front of her.

I really want things to work out for you. :)

Thanks :xxgrinning--00xx3: Not made plans yet, but am trying to do things so that I can. Was kind of frustrating with the courier and customs/VAT charges for the parcel that I sent her for Birthday and Christmas as with what I had spent on those and the presents I could have flown to see her (would still have needed somewhere to stay though & spending money though)!

I've spent a lot of spare time over the last few weeks taking photos, writing ads and putting stuff up for sale such as car parts, clothes I've not worn, some new women's clothes (that I had bought for an ex when I was still with her ready for Christmas & her Birthday, then she disappeared!), books, dvd's and sorting out lots of magazines. Some of the magazines I will throw, some I will see if anyone is interested in a few years of certain ones, if not then throw and some I will keep. Not sure about boot sales as once I went, I had all brand new clothes etc at great prices and sold £3 worth, so with the table costing £11, I was £8 down and had wasted several hours & effort! Seems the more rubbish the things you have for sale are, the more interested people are & the more you sell! :Erm: :icon_lol:

At the moment, I'm trying to clear my spare bedroom, so I can knock-out the built-in wardrobe and then decorate it, then I can move into there and then get a lodger into the bedroom that I'm in now. I also have to finish my bathroom and have other decorating and furniture needed. Am looking for another job as well.

[Sim11UK]

Good for you Tim :xxgrinning--00xx3:

My first 2 trips were paid for by selling stuff on ebay. :)

[somebody]

Thanks :xxgrinning--00xx3: Not made plans yet, but am trying to do things so that I can. Was kind of frustrating with the courier and customs/VAT charges for the parcel that I sent her for Birthday and Christmas as with what I had spent on those and the presents I could have flown to see her (would still have needed somewhere to stay though & spending money though)!

I've spent a lot of spare time over the last few weeks taking photos, writing ads and putting stuff up for sale such as car parts, clothes I've not worn, some new women's clothes (that I had bought for an ex when I was still with her ready for Christmas & her Birthday, then she disappeared!), books, dvd's and sorting out lots of magazines. Some of the magazines I will throw, some I will see if anyone is interested in a few years of certain ones, if not then throw and some I will keep. Not sure about boot sales as once I went, I had all brand new clothes etc at great prices and sold £3 worth, so with the table costing £11, I was £8 down and had wasted several hours & effort! Seems the more rubbish the things you have for sale are, the more interested people are & the more you sell! :Erm: :icon_lol:

At the moment, I'm trying to clear my spare bedroom, so I can knock-out the built-in wardrobe and then decorate it, then I can move into there and then get a lodger into the bedroom that I'm in now. I also have to finish my bathroom and have other decorating and furniture needed. Am looking for another job as well.


Sounds like you doing the right things, very true that you need to try your hardest to go out to see your mahal. From first meeting the missus in Jan 04 i went out to meet her in june the same year but had made the decision back in April if i recall correctly. Luckily I was able to afford this but it is vital to go as early as possibly you can for both of you.

Once out there you can live very cheaply and people on here will help in any way they can with advice and local knowledge.
Its probably the best way to be as well not living like a king and setting high standards.
Ask any Lady on here and they just want there Mahal with them and a trip is nice wheter its Jolibee or la de da resturant. If it does matter to a lady how much is spent then walk away quickly as you will have problems ahead.

[laurel]

]I tried phoning her mobile over an our ago (1.45pm), 30 minutes ago and just now and no answer. I also phoned her land-line after I tried phoning her mobile the first time and one of her sisters or neices answered and said she was out and didn't know when she would be back, so I just said to let her know that I had called. It's a little tricky for them to understand my accent. Can't really call the land-line again as it's now 11pm there and quite late. I've heard nothing from her for 4 days









Hi SEB, hope uve had some news. One thing ive learnt is to understand that my gf has a 'life'over there. Anything could be happening ,( and if u get over there uwill appreciate that) like u and others ive pulled out all the stops to show my devotion.......sometimes we may expect too much in return, just understanding each other truly , goes a long way in an LDR. Ive been as guilty and i would say almost immature expecting things back 'my way'...............as hard as it may seem give her some space, that can be difficult when all you want is reassurance. Stay positive :)

[Doc Alan]

It's also worth remembering that there's several public holidays this time of year, more in the Philippines than elsewhere in the world ; yesterday was Rizal day (Jose Rizal was executed on December 30 1896). I know even in my native Scotland it's hard to contact anyone until after 2 January !

[Arthur Little]

Hmm ... maybe it's an "age" thing, but I'm not really into texting - nor using a *mobile phone [although I do *HAVE one!] if I can possibly help it! Sounds daft, I know, but I find texting quite difficult. And when I was in the Phils, I used to get Myrna to send texts (that I dictated to her :blahblah: as if she were my secretary, instead of my wife :icon_lol:) for transmission to my family back home.

As for mobile phones ... well, ok ... they're very handy sometimes (especially when someone is :drivingx: in the middle of nowhere and the car breaks down). But since neither Myrna nor I are drivers, that particular circumstance is unlikely to crop up with us!

On the whole, though, it seems to me that youngsters nowadays, can barely survive for any length of time - WITHOUT giving into the urge to call and/or text their peers at the slightest whim ... even when paying bus fares.

In so saying, I hope my co-forumers will resist the temptation to come down on me like the proverbial :Bricks:

[triple5]

I'm the same Arthur. by the time it takes me to write a text I could have just called, so most the time I just phone the person. I can't always understand textspeak anyway :D

hapi nu yer every1 !!

[Arthur Little]

Oh ... and while on the subject of "gadgetry", readers will, no doubt, have observed my inveterate use of CAPITALS :rolleyes: whenever I want to lay emphasis on a particular word or words.

I ought to explain that this [? irritating] "habit" stems from my basic lack of know-how in creating itallics, coloured fonts and other fancy shapes and sizes. I've long been fairly proficient with a manual typewriter ... but, the comparatively little I've gleaned about computers has, I'm afraid, derived from my being largely self-taught. :ARsurrender:

[somebody]

Oh ... and while on the subject of "gadgetry", readers will, no doubt, have observed my inveterate use of CAPITALS :rolleyes: whenever I want to lay emphasis on a particular word or words.

I ought to explain that this [? irritating] "habit" stems from my basic lack of know-how in creating itallics, coloured fonts and other fancy shapes and sizes. I've long been fairly proficient with a manual typewriter ... but, the comparatively little I've gleaned about computers has, I'm afraid, derived from my being largely self-taught. :ARsurrender:

You seem to be doing well Sir experiment your be amazed what you can do:)

Very true regarding Mobile phones often there is a day when I wish i never saw a Mobile again, i spend more time in company with my mobiles than i do my missus and family:NoNo:

[South-east boy]

Well, I look pretty tired today as I went to bed earlier and I woke up about 5.15am, then once I thought about things and started worrying that was it-I spent 3 1/2 hours trying to get back to sleep and thinking all kinds of stuff.

I just phoned her mobile again and still no answer. I then phoned her home phone and spoke to one of her brothers. He said that he doesn't know when she will be back and she's on vacation! :Erm: Seems very strange that Suzie mentioned nothing about this to me, especially when she said that money was tight and all her money goes to the family etc. Maybe it was a Birthday or Christmas gift or it's staying with some relations, but I would have thought they would know when she would be back etc and that she would have told me before going away. I just hope that she's not on vacation with another guy! :NoNo: :bigcry: Wish I'd asked when she went away and who with, but too late now! Wasn't expecting him saying that, so wasn't ready with what to say. :doh

[Arthur Little]

I'm the same Arthur. by the time it takes me to write a text I could have just called, so most the time I just phone the person. I can't always understand textspeak anyway :D

:xxgrinning--00xx3: Thanks, mate ... it's comforting to know I'm not a lone "voice" in that respect! :NoNo:



hapi nu yer every1 !!

:doh I always worried about resorting to "phonetic-style" texting ... in case people [somehow] formed the impression I couldn't spell properly.

However, to break the "habit of a lifetime" ... seeing as it's the Season of Goodwill, and all that "jazz" ... here goes:

:BouncyHappy: nu yer to u 2 my frend!

[laurel]

Well, I look pretty tired today as I went to bed earlier and I woke up about 5.15am, then once I thought about things and started worrying that was it-I spent 3 1/2 hours trying to get back to sleep and thinking all kinds of stuff.

I just phoned her mobile again and still no answer. I then phoned her home phone and spoke to her brother. He said that he doesn't know when she will be back and she's on vacation! :Erm: Seems very strange that Suzie mentioned nothing about this to me, especially when she said that money was tight and all her money goes to the family etc. Maybe it was a Birthday or Christmas gift or it's staying with some relations, but I would have thought they would know when she would be back etc and that she would have told me before going away. I just hope that she's not on vacation with another guy! :NoNo: :bigcry: Wish I'd asked when she went away and who with, but too late now! Wasn't expecting him saying that, so wasn't ready with what to say. :doh

hang in there SEB, .......i can see its not easy, thnx for being so open with us.
Sincerely thinking of you take care:)

[jam07]

Well, I look pretty tired today as I went to bed earlier and I woke up about 5.15am, then once I thought about things and started worrying that was it-I spent 3 1/2 hours trying to get back to sleep and thinking all kinds of stuff.

I just phoned her mobile again and still no answer. I then phoned her home phone and spoke to one of her brothers. He said that he doesn't know when she will be back and she's on vacation! :Erm: Seems very strange that Suzie mentioned nothing about this to me, especially when she said that money was tight and all her money goes to the family etc. Maybe it was a Birthday or Christmas gift or it's staying with some relations, but I would have thought they would know when she would be back etc and that she would have told me before going away. I just hope that she's not on vacation with another guy! :NoNo: :bigcry: Wish I'd asked when she went away and who with, but too late now! Wasn't expecting him saying that, so wasn't ready with what to say. :doh

This is really sad. I dont feel good about this actually. I know many filipina's here in the forum will agree to me that it is not typical for a filipina not to communicate with her boyfriend for almost a week. Even at our busiest time, we still find time to send a simple text just to remind our bf that we are still here. I hope you dont mind me asking, do you have any tampuhan before this?

[South-east boy]

This is really sad. I dont feel good about this actually. I know many filipina's here in the forum will agree to me that it is not typical for a filipina not to communicate with her boyfriend for almost a week. Even at our busiest time, we still find time to send a simple text just to remind our bf that we are still here. I hope you dont mind me asking, do you have any tampuhan before this?

Well, we have been in contact for 7 months now and I did notice that she seemed to be e-mailing less a few months back, once I didn't hear anything for a week and once it was longer (this was before we were talking on the phone or texting). She has an old PC at home, but has to share it with the whole family and especially 5 of her brothers and sisters who are studying for College and school. There are 3 PC's at the language school where she teaches, but she said that she has less spare time there as she has more students to teach and as there's only 3, it's not easy to get on them. Obviously she didn't text much to my UK phone number as it was expensive. Then her father passed away, so I couldn't really press her to email more, especially as it meant that the family was more short of money and that she would need to do some private teaching in the evenings.

I then got a special phone number to call her, but that ran out and after joining this forum, I searched on here for other ways to phone her. She did say it was best to phone her after 10pm her time, as she was mostly always in then, but of course the later it was, the more tired she would be. I then bought a 2nd hand unlocked network phone and a Smart roaming sim so she could text me cheaply and we could keep in contact when we were unable to phone or email. I sent her a small amount of load while I was waiting for the sim card and phone to come, but that was used up when she texted me to my UK phone number. I then sent her a 500 pesos load a couple of weeks back, so she should have a lot of that left.

The only time when she has seemed a little off was on Christmas day evening when she thanked me for the presents and I replied with sorry that some were a bit boring (just things like tablets and ointments etc). She replied "Your questions aren't boring. Are you being pessimistic? Don't be. I really don't like it." Then she thanked me again for certain things etc. It seemed quite out of character and she's never been like that before. I did send her a message a couple of days before that when I hadn't heard anything for a couple of days & was feeling a bit down and said sorry for all my boring questions, so maybe she got that message late? But after that message we sent more messages like normal and in the last one she seemed fine. She said she was sitting on the mat and reading the local tourist leaflets that i sent her and mentioned certain ones that she liked. Then she said she hoped I was having a good time, be safe, take care, goodnight and smile xoxoxox.

I tried calling her mobile number again and it was engaged for about 20 minutes and now there's no answer again. :NoNo:

[triple5]

Have you made any plans to go and visit her? After 7 months of chatting, and if you haven't mentioned going to see her, she may be getting bored and wondering where the relationship's heading. These are only guesses, of course, but she may have other suitors who are planning to visit her soon so maybe she's cooling things off with you if she thinks you're not serious about her.

[South-east boy]

Have you made any plans to go and visit her? After 7 months of chatting, and if you haven't mentioned going to see her, she may be getting bored and wondering where the relationship's heading. These are only guesses, of course, but she may have other suitors who are planning to visit her soon so maybe she's cooling things off with you if she thinks you're not serious about her.

I have mentioned about going to see her, but can't say when as of course it's a lot of money and I'm a few hundred £'s down a month compared to 2 years ago. I haven't lied and have said from the beginning that I'm not well off and things are not so great over here due to recession etc.

I would have thought what I did for her Birthday and Christmas + for her family would have said what I thought of her. It wasn't just what I spent, but I spent a lot of time thinking what she would like, getting what I knew she would like, also surprises and things for all the family, then 2 whole evenings wrapping it all up. I could have sent it by balikbayan but it would have taken 2 months and arrived a month after Christmas and a month & half after her birthday and as it was the families first Christmas without her Dad, I wanted the parcel to arrive for Christmas, so they had something to look forward to. I also put presents to open later, so she would not have lots on her Birthday and Christmas and then nothing. Also got a t-shirt for her to give for one of her brothers a she had said that she couldn't afford anything and I sent flowers to the family after her Dad passed away at the end of September. She said that she was so happy and no-one had ever sent her & her a family a parcel like that before! She sent this message after her birthday (but before the parcel had arrived which was late because of the customs & VAT people):

"Hi there Tim,

You really touched me with so many things today on my birthday. The package, your call and when I opened my mail today, you sent me two ecards wishing me a happy birthday. You really touched and moved me in a good way with tears of joy. Thank you so much and so sorry it took you a while to call me and it was really getting late your time when you called me, too. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I really don't know how to make you happy, too but I am trying my best to make you smile and happy. Hehehehehe...Goodnight and sweet dreams! Thank you and a happy birthday to me...heheheheheeh...hugs and kisses

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox,
Suzie"

She also sent another similar message to my work email recently and has thanked me for all that I do for her and that it shows how much I care for her.

If she is cooling things off, then it's very sudden as there was so clue before or gradually being quieter etc.

[triple5]

She'll probably be back in touch soon enough, mate, I guess I was just basing my assumptions on my own experiences this time last year. My ex gf went away for a " xmas vacation" but was actually on her honeymoon :omg:

I had thought the same as you, that what I had done for her and her family financially/kindness that she would be faithful :NoNo: Every filipina is different, some are patient and understanding some not so. Whereas my ex wanted marriage/kids asap, my current gf seems prepared to take things more slowly.

Has Suzie dropped any hints about settling down or what she hopes for your future?

[jam07]

I have mentioned about going to see her, but can't say when as of course it's a lot of money and I'm a few hundred £'s down a month compared to 2 years ago. I haven't lied and have said from the beginning that I'm not well off and things are not so great over here due to recession etc.

I would have thought what I did for her Birthday and Christmas + for her family would have said what I thought of her. It wasn't just what I spent, but I spent a lot of time thinking what she would like, getting what I knew she would like, also surprises and things for all the family, then 2 whole evenings wrapping it all up. I could have sent it by balikbayan but it would have taken 2 months and arrived a month after Christmas and a month & half after her birthday and as it was the families first Christmas without her Dad, I wanted the parcel to arrive for Christmas, so they had something to look forward to. I also put presents to open later, so she would not have lots on her Birthday and Christmas and then nothing. Also got a t-shirt for her to give for one of her brothers a she had said that she couldn't afford anything. She sent this message after her birthday (but before the parcel had arrived which was late because of the customs & VAT people):

"Hi there Tim,

You really touched me with so many things today on my birthday. The package, your call and when I opened my mail today, you sent me two ecards wishing me a happy birthday. You really touched and moved me in a good way with tears of joy. Thank you so much and so sorry it took you a while to call me and it was really getting late your time when you called me, too. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I really don't know how to make you happy, too but I am trying my best to make you smile and happy. Hehehehehe...Goodnight and sweet dreams! Thank you and a happy birthday to me...heheheheheeh...hugs and kisses

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox,
Suzie"

She also sent another similar message to my work email recently and has thanked me for all that I do for her and that it shows how much I care for her.

If she is cooling things off, then it's very sudden as there was so clue before or gradually being quieter etc.

what? no "i love you's" on her message?! jeez... :rolleyes:

[South-east boy]

She'll probably be back in touch soon enough, mate, I guess I was just basing my assumptions on my own experiences this time last year. My ex gf went away for a " xmas vacation" but was actually on her honeymoon :omg:

I had thought the same as you, that what I had done for her and her family financially/kindness that she would be faithful :NoNo: Every filipina is different, some are patient and understanding some not so. Whereas my ex wanted marriage/kids asap, my current gf seems prepared to take things more slowly.

Has Suzie dropped any hints about settling down or what she hopes for your future?

Blimey! That must have been a pretty nasty shock! Had you met her? How long before the wedding had she last been in contact with you? How did you meet your current lady and how long after you started contact did you meet?

Well, I know she would like to get get married, but doesn't seem to be in any hurry and hasn't mentioned children or anything yet. She said about coming to work here, but when I looked into it, it wouldn't be possible as as you know they have cracked right down on immigration. It doesn't help how I feel, that someone who I was seeing before (in UK) was also seeing an ex at the same time as me for a while. Maybe I am too trusting, but I don't think it's good to start out not trusting them. I'm certainly going to be asking some serious questions about what she wants, thinks about me and what the future could hold.

As I've mentioned before with what I spent on the presents, courier and customs & VAT, I could have flown to see her for cheaper. The courier costed more than the original cost, then the customs and VAT doubled that and when I had to add up the value of the presents for the courier shipping list I was quite surprised to find what I had spent (about £250+, but she had around £300 worth because of special offers I had got etc), but I guess I hadn't realised as I bought things now & again over a few months. Make-up soon adds up! :icon_lol:

[triple5]

Blimey! That must have been a pretty nasty shock!

Actually, I only found that out recently on my last trip to Phils. And by then nothing surprised me about her anymore as I'd already discovered about other guys beforehand.


Had you met her? How long before the wedding had she last been in contact with you?

I spent 2 weeks with her after chatting for 9 months. She married about 2 months after I came back home. Weird thing was she didn't tell me, and still tried to keep me sweet :omg: Not really great wife material. I had a lucky escape methinks.


How did you meet your current lady and how long after you started contact did you meet?

After my trip to Phils I stayed in contact with the exs brother-in-law. We added each other on friendster and through him I met his beautiful cousin :) We chatted for about 6 months before I went out there. I probably would have gone sooner, but she didn't graduate till october so I held off until she had some free time.


As I've mentioned before with what I spent on the presents, courier and customs & VAT, I could have flown to see her for cheaper. The courier costed more than the original cost, then the customs and VAT doubled that and when I had to add up the value of the presents for the courier shipping list I was quite surprised to find what I had spent (about £250+, but she had around £300 worth because of special offers I had got etc), but I guess I hadn't realised as I bought things now & again over a few months. Make-up soon adds up!


Thats a lot to fork out for somebody you've never met, and like you say money can be tight here sometimes. If I were you I wouldn't send anything again and put the money towards a trip out there.

How did you meet Suzie to begin with? And do you think it's possible she chats with other guys? Even though you've done the right thing by being honest about your financial situation and saying you don't know when you will be able to visit, she may be thinking she'll be waiting for you for nothing.

[South-east boy]

what? no "i love you's" on her message?! jeez... :rolleyes:

No, she hasn't said before and neither have I. I have said hi honey, gorgeous, beautiful etc, but I don't think you can be 100% in love without meeting and knowing that they feel the same. You can feel a lot for someone and maybe be in love, but if you don't get that feeling back, then it can never be as strong as if you know that you feel as strong for you as you do for them.

I also don't want to get too carried away before meeting them and I need to know that they really feel strongly for me as I've been hurt a few times before. I was also a bit hurt that I didn't receive even a Christmas card or note etc from her, I didn't expect a present as I knew she couldn't afford it. But something physical would have meant so much to me-if it was a card, it would have been my favourite card! :) Maybe Filipinas don't get Christmas cards or presents for their boyfriends, I don't know?

[South-east boy]

Actually, I only found that out recently on my last trip to Phils. And by then nothing surprised me about her anymore as I'd already discovered about other guys beforehand.



I spent 2 weeks with her after chatting for 9 months. She married about 2 months after I came back home. Weird thing was she didn't tell me, and still tried to keep me sweet :omg: Not really great wife material. I had a lucky escape methinks.



After my trip to Phils I stayed in contact with the exs brother-in-law. We added each other on friendster and through him I met his beautiful cousin :) We chatted for about 6 months before I went out there. I probably would have gone sooner, but she didn't graduate till october so I held off until she had some free time.



Thats a lot to fork out for somebody you've never met, and like you say money can be tight here sometimes. If I were you I wouldn't send anything again and put the money towards a trip out there.

How did you meet Suzie to begin with? And do you think it's possible she chats with other guys? Even though you've done the right thing by being honest about your financial situation and saying you don't know when you will be able to visit, she may be thinking she'll be waiting for you for nothing.

Yeah, your ex doesn't sound like such great marriage material! :icon_lol: Especially after you went out and had met her!

I met Suzie on a dating site, so I guess that it's not impossible that she could be in contact with someone else, although she did say a few months back that she wasn't when I said she'd have all the guys after her with the new make-up etc! The last time I was on the site a good few months back (not sent any messages etc, since not long after we met), she hadn't been on the site since not long after we started contact. I've not checked since quite a few months back though.

I have never strung her along, have always bothered about her and never gone quiet or ignored her. I have also have never lied and always done what I said I would do such as when I would contact her, get phone cards & call her, get the other mobile phone & smart sim and when I sent her things etc.

Already got things for her for Valentine's day! :rolleyes:

[Doc Alan]

Just to wish you Happy New Year ! I can truly understand what you're going through. If it's not too late ... meet up with friends or even relatives, have a drink, things can only get better !

[South-east boy]

Just to wish you Happy New Year ! I can truly understand what you're going through. If it's not too late ... meet up with friends or even relatives, have a drink, things can only get better !

Thanks, am going round my best friends in a little while which will take my mind of it a bit.

Sorry to everyone on here for going on a bit etc, but I can't really talk about it to friends etc as they wouldn't really understand and think I am mad having a LDR etc. Already had one comment from a friend saying "not a Thai?" when I said I was in a LDR. They didn't mean anything bad and do want me to meet someone etc, but you know how comments like that and similar niggle you?! :rolleyes:

[triple5]

They didn't mean anything bad and do want me to meet someone etc, but you know how comments like that and similar niggle you?

One of the best comments I had just before my first trip to phils was, "You're not going to come back with a Thai bride are you?" :doh

Try not to dwell on things too much, it'll work itself out. Best of luck and happy new year :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[laurel]

SEB,as been said before we do understand , and u havent gone on and on about it. LDR's are difficult and only those in one can truly understand the emotions connected with it.
I sincerely hope u get some good news soon. Try and enjoy your evening:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[somebody]

Thanks, am going round my best friends in a little while which will take my mind of it a bit.

Sorry to everyone on here for going on a bit etc, but I can't really talk about it to friends etc as they wouldn't really understand and think I am mad having a LDR etc. Already had one comment from a friend saying "not a Thai?" when I said I was in a LDR. They didn't mean anything bad and do want me to meet someone etc, but you know how comments like that and similar niggle you?! :rolleyes:


Sir your not going on at all we all are happy to help and support someone who is on the forum:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Your not mad having a LDR look at Joe and Me perfectly sane charc.. well ok not the best examples many on here are not :D

People will make jokes we all do it not realising, im sure when he meets your mahal he will not be rude:)

Have a good evening and let us know how you get on Sir:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Sim11UK]

Sorry to everyone on here for going on a bit

We're here to help if we can...At the beginning of the year, myself & my then fiancee, now wife had a major upset...Ran to 8 pages I think? :doh...So you've got a few more pages to go yet, before we'll get fed up with you. :icon_lol:

Happy New Year to you....I'm sure you'll get a reply soon. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[jam07]

Thanks, am going round my best friends in a little while which will take my mind of it a bit.

Sorry to everyone on here for going on a bit etc, but I can't really talk about it to friends etc as they wouldn't really understand and think I am mad having a LDR etc. Already had one comment from a friend saying "not a Thai?" when I said I was in a LDR. They didn't mean anything bad and do want me to meet someone etc, but you know how comments like that and similar niggle you?! :rolleyes:

SEB, you can trust the guys from this forum and they will give you good advise. The advise they gave me, comforted when I was on the same situation like yours. I hope everything will be okay with you soon.

Have a happy new year! :)

whats up with this Thais? Why does it always have to be filipinas vs thais? :Erm: hmmm... I should get out more :rolleyes:

[jam07]

We're here to help if we can...At the beginning of the year, myself & my then fiancee, now wife had a major upset...Ran to 8 pages I think? :doh...So you've got a few more pages to go yet, before we'll get fed up with you. :icon_lol:

Happy New Year to you....I'm sure you'll get a reply soon. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Mine's 7 pages. the same issue as seb - communication. You posted some there Sim. You told me that the guy seems to be a '****bag' to you. lol! :icon_lol: well, I guess he kind'a is :rolleyes:

Happy new year to you and your wife! :)

[liane]

Sorry to hear about this Tim :NoNo: I hope she will get in touch with you soon. You have been honest with her about your financial situation and I hope she can wait for you to visit her if she truly cares.
I hope you'll feel better, try not to think too much for now.

[Sim11UK]

Mine's 7 pages. the same issue as seb - communication. You posted some there Sim. You told me that the guy seems to be a '****bag' to you. lol! :icon_lol: well, I guess he kind'a is :rolleyes:

Happy new year to you and your wife! :)

Yes, I remember your troubles too & I remember calling him a '****bag'. :D
I know I was very grateful for all the advice given here.
Hope things are a lot better for you now jam.

Happy New Year, have a great one. :xxgrinning--00xx3: :)

[Arthur Little]

Tim, I can easily relate :rolleyes: to what you're going through, my friend. Having been married for the first time at a relatively young age, I found myself widowed when I was 47. Then, for the next sixteen years, I seemed to "stumble" blindly on from one relationship to the next :doh ... all with British women, I hasten to add ... before "meeting" Myrna online in 2007 and, finally, "striking" [very] lucky!

I firmly believe that she and I were truly destined for one another :love2: ... and each of my previous liaisons [apart from my earlier (successful) marriage - which lasted for 24 years] were all part of a "trial period" I'd to undergo prior to finding true happiness once again.

So, hopefully, things will ultimately work out well for YOU and Suzie (without the long waiting period I had to endure, of course!). But first, I think you need to "test the waters" by indicating your clear intentions of visiting her and guaging her reactions to this proposal in order to try and ascertain her REAL feelings :luv4: towards you.

[South-east boy]

Thanks everyone. :xxgrinning--00xx3: I'm not sure what to do now. It's New Years day and I've still had no Happy new year wishes etc. Do I just leave it, or phone her mobile again and if no answer, then phone her home number -if I do that, then do I ask any of these? - Where is she staying?, who is she staying with? when did she go? does she definitely have her mobile phone with her? If I do leave it, she will have seen my missed calls & text messages and her brother & sister will have probably said that I called, and if there has been something going on & she hasn't been honest, then she would have plenty of time to make a story up. She has lost some of my trust and I really don't know how trusting to be now. :NoNo:

[laurel]

Hard to know what to do, i know id be desperate for some answers.......as hard as it is I think it would be best to sit tight............its obvious that at the very least she should get back in touch she will see missed calls as you say. Id be wanting some good explanations and who knows maybe there will be a perfectly good reason. Wish I had the answer for you. Just plain decent respect and understanding each others feelings isnt a lot to ask.......Hold on SEB ,and good luck

[somebody]

So, hopefully, things will ultimately work out well for YOU and Suzie (without the long waiting period I had to endure, of course!). But first, I think you need to "test the waters" by indicating your clear intentions of visiting her and guaging her reactions to this proposal in order to try and ascertain her REAL feelings :luv4: towards you.

Spot on as normally is Mr Little.

As many have experienced on here there maybe a reason why she has "dissapeared for a short while" it happened to sim and several others on here. Many Phill ladies im sure cant see hoe it could work especially if the Brit man does not visit.

Propose to visit when you do speak and see what occurs as Mr Little says:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Arthur Little]

Hard to know what to do, i know id be desperate for some answers.......

:cwm24: ... ME too!!


as hard as it is I think it would be best to sit tight............

... :NoNo: I DON'T ... that just wouldn't be ME!


its obvious that at the very least she should get back in touch ... she will see missed calls as you say. Id be wanting some good explanations and who knows maybe there will be a perfectly good *reason. Wish I had the answer for you. Just plain decent respect and understanding each others feelings isnt a lot to ask ...

:iagree: ... I would be expecting at least some response. And a DECENT *explanation. She owes you *one, even IF only out of respect for your :confused: feelings.

[South-east boy]

Spot on as normally is Mr Little.

As many have experienced on here there maybe a reason why she has "dissapeared for a short while" it happened to sim and several others on here. Many Phill ladies im sure cant see hoe it could work especially if the Brit man does not visit.

Propose to visit when you do speak and see what occurs as Mr Little says:xxgrinning--00xx3:

I did say in my original ad that I was really looking for someone in UK and it was she who contacted me. If she can't think how it could work, then she could ask and press me. I did say after I sent the parcel, that I was annoyed that with the extra courier costs, customs & VAT as with what I spent I could have flown to see her for cheaper. I wish I could say when and book a flight etc, but I can't. :bigcry: As I've mentioned before in other threads, this last year has been very hard as I've had the highest bills and least amount of money coming in - I'm stuck on a high interest rate mortgage which is 50% more than the last, and my wages are a few hundred a month down due to no increase, no overtime a 1/4 of my bonuses from previous years and rising gas, electricity and petrol etc costs. I also had a £1040 car bill + other ones throughout the year! :doh

[Sim11UK]

I'd hang in there, a bit longer if I was you....Wait until the new year has calmed down. I think you said she had a job? So presumably, she will have to come back for that, if she has gone away? Have you tried phoning again?

[Sim11UK]

...But you really have to consider whether you can afford it?
Because if you want to persue this & get married, it's going to be at least 2 trips out there?...& that is just for starters.

I've always wondered where the money was coming from, but somehow I've always managed it.

[Doc Alan]

[QUOTE=Sim11UK;198908]...But you really have to consider whether you can afford it?
Because if you want to persue this & get married, it's going to be at least 2 trips out there?...& that is just for starters.

That's a sobering thought for the New Year !
I've followed this thread from the start, and it's obviously not finished. However, it may become clear next week when the New Year is truly under way. Keep yourself occupied here until then, if at all possible, by seeing friends / relatives, even if you can't discuss these matters with them, you will doubtless find they have got their own problems which puts things in perspective.
I had similar problems (communication, trust, money) with a British girl - so it's definitely not just Thais or Filipinas - and no Forum to offer me advice.
You've been honest with your thoughts and finances, and there's advice elsewhere on the Forum about the cost of such distance relationships. Of course, I understand "cost" to be more than finance but the actual effort or loss necessary to achieve something.

[somebody]

...But you really have to consider whether you can afford it?
Because if you want to persue this & get married, it's going to be at least 2 trips out there?...& that is just for starters.

I've always wondered where the money was coming from, but somehow I've always managed it.

Very true and the possibilty if the wife comes over she may not earn a great deal unless very lucky or highly skilled. My Wife started in a low paid job and still not earning a great deal although still 6 times more than even her fellow uni and school friends in blue chip jobs in Manila.

[triple5]

I did say in my original ad that I was really looking for someone in UK and it was she who contacted me. If she can't think how it could work, then she could ask and press me. I did say after I sent the parcel, that I was annoyed that with the extra courier costs, customs & VAT as with what I spent I could have flown to see her for cheaper. I wish I could say when and book a flight etc, but I can't.

That's how i started out on a dating site, looking for somebody a lot closer to home. I didn't know the first thing about the Philippines, and it was only when a girl from there contacted me that I considered going out there.

Depends where Suzie is from as some places are cheaper than others, but you may be surprised how little you'll spend out there. Like you said, you got the flight money together, all you need is a bit of spending money. I usually get through about £700 in a fortnight when I'm there and that's having a few nights at some top resorts and treating friends/family to meals and days out.

It's when you start making plans to bring your girl over here that its going to get really expensive. Try and look on the brightside, when you get that far down the road we'll be out of the recession by then :)

[South-east boy]

If I do get a lodger in that's an extra £300-350 a month and who knows how much extra if I did find another job, but of course in the recession, it's not such an easy thing finding one. As she lives in Cebu, it's pretty easy for flights which is handy. :)

I've looked into it about if she came here and working etc. If she does TEFL/TESOL teaching English course, then she would be able to teach in foreign language schools (what she does in Cebu) and there are a fair few of them in London. I've also looked at jobs advertised for what she could do if she has done the course and they seem to have fairly good salaries, some more than what I am on, but of course, I don't know how much competition there would be for each vacancy advertised.

[somebody]

If I do get a lodger in that's an extra £300-350 a month and who knows how much extra if I did find another job, but of course in the recession, it's not such an easy thing finding one. As she lives in Cebu, it's pretty easy for flights which is handy. :)

I've looked into it about if she came here and working etc. If she does TEFL/TESOL teaching English course, then she would be able to teach in foreign language schools (what she does in Cebu) and there are a fair few of them in London. I've also looked at jobs advertised for what she could do if she has done the course and they seem to have fairly good salaries, some more than what I am on, but of course, I don't know how much competition there would be for each vacancy advertised.


From what I have seen of a few English Schools in London they do have a fair turnover of staff (pre major part of recession)

IF your Mahal has good levels of English she will also be ok in the retail sectors she may want a part time job for various reasons but firstly on first arriving in the UK its a massive shoock as the ladies say not all can deal with a full time job straight off not simply Jet lag or the weather but pace of life etc. Secondly she may need to wait for a postion to open.

Also im guessing practical experience of English is quite important as im guessing those seeking English tution would want their English tutors speaking as fluently as possible (slang is important but hard to pick up abroad).

The Wife had a good level of English on arrival and only yesterday in a Phill Cafe in London was ask if she was British born and found when speaking to the PNB lady earlier on the phone yesterday she was confused as her English accent is becoming very English and has to make an effort to speak with a English phill accent to a phill otherwise often they dont understand her:rolleyes:

Sounds like your Mahal would settle in well as her English must be far better to start with:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[South-east boy]

From what I have seen of a few English Schools in London they do have a fair turnover of staff (pre major part of recession)

IF your Mahal has good levels of English she will also be ok in the retail sectors she may want a part time job for various reasons but firstly on first arriving in the UK its a massive shoock as the ladies say not all can deal with a full time job straight off not simply Jet lag or the weather but pace of life etc. Secondly she may need to wait for a postion to open.

Also im guessing practical experience of English is quite important as im guessing those seeking English tution would want their English tutors speaking as fluently as possible (slang is important but hard to pick up abroad).

The Wife had a good level of English on arrival and only yesterday in a Phill Cafe in London was ask if she was British born and found when speaking to the PNB lady earlier on the phone yesterday she was confused as her English accent is becoming very English and has to make an effort to speak with a English phill accent to a phill otherwise often they dont understand her:rolleyes:

Sounds like your Mahal would settle in well as her English must be far better to start with:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Like a lot of Filipinas she speaks English with an American accent, so I can understand her pretty easily-just the odd word, but that is probably because it's on the phone. She did have a problem understanding my accent at first, but now, it's only very occasionally that she doesn't understand. The course she could do 1 month full-time or 3 months part-time in Cebu or over here. If it was here, then the part-time would be good as it would give her longer to get used to the accents an what life is like here before applying for any job. I agree with you that it wouldn't be easy for her or anyone to just arrive here and start working full-time straight away.

[TomThumb]

I'm sorry to hear about her dropping out of contact. I can't imagine what it would feel like. I know I start feeling anxious if my girl is half an hour late logging on.
I'm not really in a position to give advice, but I will tell you what I think about your situation anyway. We are most of us looking for somebody who will care for us and who we can care for. At the moment we don't know why your girlfriend has disappeared, and she may have a good reason. But if she doesn't have a very good reason for suddenly dropping out of contact for a week, then she is at best very insensitive, and possibly cruel. Not the kind of girl I would want to be in a relationship with. Perhaps you have been very hurtful to her without realising it, but unless you have been truly awful, even for this just dropping out of contact for so long seems excessive.
Because of this opinion, to me there is nothing wrong with your trying to ring her as much as you feel like till until you get an answer as to what is going on. When I ring up using one of those services where you dial another number initially, and then the number you want, then my number doesn't appear on her display.
To me, if is she is a good person in a difficult situation, she will be glad to hear from you, and if she is annoyed at your persistence, then she isn't worth the bother.
I realise that this is easy for me to say since it isn't my relationship I'm talking about. Good luck. I hope it works out for you. Please keep us informed.
Tom.

[South-east boy]

Am thinking of ringing again in a while as it's been a week now- If I phone her home no. and she is still not there and a brother or sister answers, I would like to ask where is she staying, who is she staying with, when did she go etc as well as the obvious do you know when she will be back? But of course asking all those will sound like I am asking 20 questions or interrigating them, so not sure what to ask and how to ask without it sound like that. :Erm:

[jam07]

Am thinking of ringing again in a while as it's been a week now- If I phone her home no. and she is still not there and a brother or sister answers, I would like to ask where is she staying, who is she staying with, when did she go etc as well as the obvious do you know when she will be back? But of course asking all those will sound like I am asking 20 questions or interrigating them, so not sure what to ask and how to ask without it sound like that. :Erm:

south-east boy, you have the right to ask anything and everything. Its just gonna bother you if you dont ask those questions so go ahead and call. :xxgrinning--00xx3: :)

[Doc Alan]

south-east boy, you have the right to ask anything and everything. Its just gonna bother you if you dont ask those questions so go ahead and call. :xxgrinning--00xx3: :)

I agree, that's your priority and right . Until you actually speak with her don't worry about budgeting to raise money. If the worst comes to the worst and the relationship's over, your financial planning will come in useful for someone more deserving of you.

[South-east boy]

I was thinking that maybe she could have forgotten to take the phone charger with her on vacation and the battery ran out, but thinking about it, it can't be that as her phone would not ring if the battery was dead or the phone switched off. So she has either left her phone behind at home or if she has the phone with her, then she has been ignoring my calls and messages. If her phone was in a no signal area I guess when I ring I would not hear it ringing and it would sound like it's switched off?

[jam07]

I was thinking that maybe she could have forgotten to take the phone charger with her on vacation and the battery ran out, but thinking about it, it can't be that as her phone would not ring if the battery was dead or the phone switched off. So she has either left her phone behind at home or if she has the phone with her, then she has been ignoring my calls and messages. If her phone was in a no signal area I guess when I ring I would not hear it ringing and it would sound like it's switched off?

I fear that she is ignoring your call or messages. I'm sorry. Its just that I dont see any excuse not to take your call or reply to your messages. If she has been ill or hospitalized, her family will tell you the moment you call. If she at last manages or decided to talk to you, she has to have a good and valid excuse. Because leaving someone in the dark is unacceptable. :NoNo:

:)

[eagles]

hi... anxiety destroys our usual happy day.. a lady who is committed to her love one will find a way to keep in touch and will give a logical reason why she cant be at appointed time. A man do so to a lady when he cant be around at appointed time.. time to think.. its a waste of time and money to beat around ...

[jam07]

hi... anxiety destroys our usual happy day.. a lady who is committed to her love one will find a way to keep in touch and will give a logical reason why she cant be at appointed time. A man do so to a lady when he cant be around at appointed time.. time to think.. its a waste of time and money to beat around ...

:iagree: :xxgrinning--00xx3: :)

[South-east boy]

I phone her mobile no. about an hour ago and no answer and just called her home no. and no answer. Another reason why I was quite trusting of her is because she is quite religious, often goes to church and her father was a faith healer. Saying that though I have been lied to by a Catholic before.

[liane]

Like what Jam has mentioned, she's probably ignoring your calls and messages. I think she wanted out with the relationship and her way of telling it is just so wrong. It's been a week and yet she haven't get in touch with you and no one in the family knows where she is :omg: You have been constantly talking and for sure her family knows who you are in her life. This is just too sad to hear and I hope she has a valid reasons when she's ready to talk to you.
I think you're a nice man and you deserve someone better.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[South-east boy]

If she does want out of it, as I mentioned before, she hasn't really given any sign of it. We spoke on Christmas morning (her time-my time until 3.30am!) for a couple of hours on yahoo, webcam and phone and I saw & waved to some of her family. If she wanted out, wouldn't you just make an excuse so you could go? Also the time we chatted on webcam before that, she said that she couldn't stop looking at me as I looked so good-why bother to say that if you want to end it?

Yes, they will know about me as I sent flowers to her family when her father passed away, I have spoken to some when I have called her home phone and of course they will have received all the Christmas things for the family from me recently including 2 presents for her Mum. She also said that they had taken photos of them opening the Christmas things that they would send to me. I was hoping to speak to her after Christmas to find out what they thought of certain presents, but of course, I have not had the chance. If she does want out, maybe it's because I couldn't help her come over here or she was waiting until she received her Birthday and Christmas presents?

I would have thought that if you feel you can't tell them you want to end it as you don't want to hurt them by ending it suddenly, then with a LDR, surely the easiest way would be to gradually get quieter, take longer to reply with shorter messages and if the other person then asks if something is up or are they not interested anymore than to say that they would prefer to end it.

But then as I have briefly mentioned before I have had a LDR before with a girl from France which was before the days of everyone being able to email and having mobile phones. After nearly 2 years together she wrote less, but then we still spoke on the phone a lot, so that didn't matter so much. But then she got an answer phone and later she was harder to get hold of and we didn't get to speak as much. I seemed to get the impression that she wasn't so interested anymore and asked her that. She said it was because it was hard time for her with her looking for another job and somewhere else to live. Then in the summer she was meant to be coming over to stay for a week or so which I was really looking forward to as we hadn't seen each other for a while as she was doing temp teaching, so always had to be available. I got annoyed as it was nearly time for the dates when she was meant to come over and I had to let work know if I was going to be on holiday or not. She said sorry, that she would have to postpone it as she was going to stay with some friends in a different area and look for jobs + somewhere else to live and that she would let me know soon when she had news. That was the last I ever heard from her. There was no answer when I rang her phone and then it was cancelled, I never had any replies to my letters to her address or her parents address and when I called her parents, they couldn't speak English and I could only just about ask something in French, but didn't understand their reply! Why when I asked if she wanted to end it, she said no, then ended it by just disappearing I don't know?! :NoNo:

Suzie knows about this story as we have talked about past relationships before. I also said in my dating site profile that I have had a relationship with a Filipina before which started well, then I ended up hurt when they said that they didn't want a relationship anymore.

I have never done anything bad or wrong to her and have been as caring & loving as I can, just as I have been with any previous girl before. I have never lied, cheated, been uncaring or whatever, and have done all I can to help them with any problem so I have nothing to feel guilty about, but for some reason how I am to them does not seem to be appreciated and I don't know why? :NoNo: :Erm:

[laurel]

im probably clutching at straws here , but u said u spoke with a family member and that she had gone on holiday??...could there be a language barrier, ie she may have gone somewhere else but they dont know how to express it?? and if she has gone somewhere she may be out of contact, I know its a week , and id be rippin my hair out, but ive jumped to conclusions before and been left with egg on my face. Would she give her fone to someone else to look after while she is away?.......i know probably not.

U spoke xmas day all was well and now nothing... somethings not right obviously, shes given no indication that all was not well...can u get any clue if she may have done this in a relationship before??.............Really hope u get an answer soon, i really feel for you

[South-east boy]

im probably clutching at straws here , but u said u spoke with a family member and that she had gone on holiday??...could there be a language barrier, ie she may have gone somewhere else but they dont know how to express it?? and if she has gone somewhere she may be out of contact, I know its a week , and id be rippin my hair out, but ive jumped to conclusions before and been left with egg on my face. Would she give her fone to someone else to look after while she is away?.......i know probably not.

U spoke xmas day all was well and now nothing... somethings not right obviously, shes given no indication that all was not well...can u get any clue if she may have done this in a relationship before??.............Really hope u get an answer soon, i really feel for you

Like you said, I've worried about thing's before and thought the worst, then Ive found out that I needn't have worried at all. I guess it's hard at the moment as it's hard to think of explanations and why she never mentioned going away.

[South-east boy]

Now virtually 9 days. Tried her mobile again and it rings with no answer. I would think that she would be back to work by now, but would have left by 7pm. Would a mobile that is switched on but not used at all last near to 8 days without the battery dying? There have been times a while ago when I hadn't heard from her for betweeen 1-2 weeks, but that was longer ago and before we were speaking on the phone & I had got the other phone with smart sim so she could text me cheaply and be easier for her to keep in touch when she couldn't get to a pc or be available on a phone.

[jam07]

Now virtually 9 days. Tried her mobile again and it rings with no answer. I would think that she would be back to work by now, but would have left by 7pm. Would a mobile that is switched on but not used at all last near to 8 days without the battery dying? There have been times a while ago when I hadn't heard from her for betweeen 1-2 weeks, but that was longer ago and before we were speaking on the phone & I had got the other phone with smart sim so she could text me cheaply and be easier for her to keep in touch when she couldn't get to a pc or be available on a phone.

I dont feel good about this... :NoNo: :(

[triple5]

Do you have any other friends in phils? It would be interesting to see if she answers the phone if it was a local number showing up. then at least you'd know shes purposefully ignoring you f she answers.

tbh, 9 days away without saying anything is out of order. Theres obviously not some kind of emergency as her family would have said so. If it were me I'd start thinking about moving on. Do you really want a relationship with somebody that inconsiderate?

[South-east boy]

Do you have any other friends in phils? It would be interesting to see if she answers the phone if it was a local number showing up. then at least you'd know shes purposefully ignoring you f she answers.

tbh, 9 days away without saying anything is out of order. Theres obviously not some kind of emergency as her family would have said so. If it were me I'd start thinking about moving on. Do you really want a relationship with somebody that inconsiderate?

Not that live over there. Looking back over some previous messages, she does have a sister in Manila and also in Taiwan, so it's possible that she could be staying with either, though of course she hasn't let me know.

[laurel]

Been offline for a bit and was hopeing id come back and see some positive news here, take care

[South-east boy]

I was looking forward to see the email from her at work today as it was my first day back to work. This was the email that she sent on Christmas eve to my work email by mistake instead of my home email. Got to work to find my email was down and it didn't get sorted out until 3.30pm. Anyway, she was just replying to my funny email pics and saying about what she was going to do on Christmas day and going with her neices to the mall so they could spend the money that her sister-in-law (neices mum) had sent to them, so nothing unusual in the message.

I phoned her mobile and this time it said it was unattended or in a low signal area-I guess this could also mean that the battery was dead or it was switched off. I didn't phone her home phone as I thought it was a bit late by then, but will try it tomorrow if I still haven't heard anything.

[LEAHnew]

I'm sorry to hear your news:NoNo:it doesn't sound right and I agree to eagle.
She must have an explanation, I hope this is only tampo(sulking):doh, feel free to pm me maybe I can help.

[South-east boy]

I'm sorry to hear your news:NoNo:it doesn't sound right and I agree to eagle.
She must have an explanation, I hope this is only tampo(sulking):doh, feel free to pm me maybe I can help.

I can only think maybe it's a family emergency or surprise holiday that her family had arranged. Wouldn't think it would be a course or something to do with the school where she teaches or church as it wouldn't be on new years eve/new years day. Even if she did leave her phone at home, lose it, or had it stolen, I would have thought in 11 days that she could have sent an email, even if it was from an internet cafe. Failing that, that she could have left a message with her family for me in case I ring/ring again. I can't think that she would have had no contact with her family during all that time.

She has no reason to be sulking with me and it should be the opposite! In fact if anyone is sulking it should be me (and that's before this sudden disappearance as well).

Do you think she should have sent me something for Christmas? As I mentioned earlier, I'm not sure if it's normal for Filipinas to not send a Christmas card or present (however small) to their BF/BF abroad or not?

[Doc Alan]

Do you think she should have sent me something for Christmas? As I mentioned earlier, I'm not sure if it's normal for Filipinas to not send a Christmas card or present to their BF/BF abroad or not?

Yes, she should have sent you something. Of course it's normal to send a Christmas card but the postal service is slow and unreliable. A present might not be affordable. Text messages are relatively cheap and reliable. It's the lack of direct communication which bothers me and others here. I can understand how you feel. You've thrown your money, and now your emotions into a "black hole",
and you may just have to get over it, move on. But only you can decide when, and if, you want to move on.

[triple5]

Do you think she should have sent me something for Christmas? As I mentioned earlier, I'm not sure if it's normal for Filipinas to not send a Christmas card or present (however small) to their BF/BF abroad or not?

I wouldn't worry too much about that. I didnt get anything either, but then again neither did I send anything :D Do/did you think of yourself as her boyfriend? And is that how she viewed the relationship gf/bf? I think i may have touched on this in an earlier post, that a lot of filipinas are looking for a strong commitment asap. I hope I'm wrong mate, but I get the feeling there might be somebody else and she doesn't know how to tell you.

[bornatbirth]

I wouldn't worry too much about that. I didnt get anything either, but then again neither did I send anything :D Do/did you think of yourself as her boyfriend? And is that how she viewed the relationship gf/bf? I think i may have touched on this in an earlier post, that a lot of filipinas are looking for a strong commitment asap. I hope I'm wrong mate, but I get the feeling there might be somebody else and she doesn't know how to tell you.

its best to get your foot in the door as early as possible,as keeping them waiting may mean they will get a better offer eslewhere and your wondering what did i do wrong :Erm:

but also it depends how the lady is brought up and her her level of education ie etiquette?

[South-east boy]

I wouldn't worry too much about that. I didnt get anything either, but then again neither did I send anything :D Do/did you think of yourself as her boyfriend? And is that how she viewed the relationship gf/bf? I think i may have touched on this in an earlier post, that a lot of filipinas are looking for a strong commitment asap. I hope I'm wrong mate, but I get the feeling there might be somebody else and she doesn't know how to tell you.

Well, maybe not exactly boyfriend, I don't know how she feels about me exactly, but she knows and has said that I care a lot about her + have done a lot for her which she is so grateful for. Can't include this email that she sent me as it's on my work email. I don't know what else I can can do to show my commitment as I have done all I can apart from going to see her which I am unable to do. I should have only sent something very small, then I would have had the money for a flight, but I had no idea a to the courier cost and then the customs/VAT etc and I wanted to send some things for her & the email as they haven't had things very easy over the last few months.

[South-east boy]

It really doesn't look good now. :NoNo: At just before 11am she opened one of my e-cards, but not sure if it was the Christmas or New year one. She didn't send one back reply or send an email. As 11am here is 7pm there, I doubt that it was at work, so was either at home or at a cyber cafe I guess. I tried her mobile and it said that it was unattended or was out of coverage. I tried her home no. a bit later and a sister who had problems understanding me said that she wasn't back. Tried her mobile later and a guy answered with a dog barking and thought I might have wrong no. or the phone had been left somewhere. :Erm:

Phoned again later and a woman answered in English, but couldn't seem to hear me at all, then put the phone down. When I tried her home no. after it was engaged for a while. Tried her mobile later and there was no answer. Then she popped up on yahoo and said something I think it was in the status box and I was just going to write it down before opening a chat box, before she went onto mobile and the message went. I said 'jeg', then I'm not sure what. I phoned her home no. again and her sister said that she was asleep, which I'm not sure if I believe as it was only 10pm, she never normally goes to bed that early and it was so soon after she had just been on yahoo so briefly.

:bigcry:

Feel like going off to beachey head, but I wouldn't be able to get there because of the snow! :doh :icon_lol:

Sorry, to have gone on so much and to have bored everybody that has read this. Looks like I'm back to being on my own again as per usual. Can't really talk to many people about this either, as they won't understand or think I've been stupid. Just don't know what I do wrong?

[TomThumb]

Sorry to hear that South-east boy. I think you're right. Having gone to bed is a pants excuse if she hasn't contacted you for 9 days. It's pretty clear to me that she's deliberately avoiding you. I don't know why some people think that suddenly cutting off contact is an acceptable way to behave. It's particularly odd from a Christian, who presumably believes that she will be called to answer for her actions.
I'm sure it's not much consolation, but with somebody like this, the sooner you find out about their true character, the better for you. Can I ask please if before this she seemed to be a caring person?
Good luck to you and best wishes,
Tom.

[South-east boy]

Sorry to hear that South-east boy. I think you're right. Having gone to bed is a pants excuse if she hasn't contacted you for 9 days. It's pretty clear to me that she's deliberately avoiding you. I don't know why some people think that suddenly cutting off contact is an acceptable way to behave. It's particularly odd from a Christian, who presumably believes that she will be called to answer for her actions.
I'm sure it's not much consolation, but with somebody like this, the sooner you find out about their true character, the better for you. Can I ask please if before this she seemed to be a caring person?
Good luck to you and best wishes,
Tom.


It's actually 11 days now and before I called once and she had gone to bed, one of her sisters said do you want me to wake her? I'm surprised that she has acted this way, as like I mentioned before I had said that a previous GF that I was in a LDR with had done this years ago.

As I said, she says that she is religious, goes to church at least twice a week and she only recently said that I should renew my faith (my family are religious, but I haven't gone to church very often for quite a while-partly because of not having much luck in meeting someone with trying for so long and being single feeling the odd one out etc).

Yes, she has seemed pretty caring before and said that once, that she would prefer to be ill/in pain rather than me. She had also said that she wasn't seeing anyone else. I just don't understand if she wanted out/was in contact with someone else, why the sudden disappearance and to have carried on the contact for so long? For someone that is supposedly so religious, she doesn't seem to have acted in a very Christian way and seems to make a mockery of how Christians are meant to be behave or how God would want them to behave. Maybe more Christians are like this than we think? :Erm: I think I have acted in a more Christian way than she has!

Over Christmas I showed my parents a lot of photos of her, her family and where she lived etc, now I just feel stupid, used and lonely.

[Sophie]

So sorry to hear about your story south east boy, it was pretty clear that this girl is deliberately avoiding you and disregarding your calls and messages.......
She doesn't even have the decency to tell you straight if she wants out of the relationship or found someone else.....
It may hurt you but atleast you know the reason, because there's nothing worst than not knowing at all......
She just left you in the dark confused, guessing and wondering what went wrong or what have you done for her to ignore you and simply vanish....
You seem like a very nice and genuine guy, you deserve better and i hope you'll find the right girl :)

[Doc Alan]

It really doesn't look good now. :NoNo:


:bigcry:

Feel like going off to beachey head, but I wouldn't be able to get there because of the snow! :doh :icon_lol:

Sorry, to have gone on so much and to have bored everybody that has read this. Looks like I'm back to being on my own again as per usual. Can't really talk to many people about this either, as they won't understand or think I've been stupid. Just don't know what I do wrong?

Don't even think (or joke) about Beachy Head ! You have not bored us. It's a case of recognising when a relationship's wrong, and re-gaining your self respect. I agree with Sophie's latest message.

[South-east boy]

So sorry to hear about your story south east boy, it was pretty clear that this girl is deliberately avoiding you and disregarding your calls and messages.......
She doesn't even have the decency to tell you straight if she wants out of the relationship or found someone else.....
It may hurt you but atleast you know the reason, because there's nothing worst than not knowing at all......
She just left you in the dark confused, guessing and wondering what went wrong or what have you done for her to ignore you and simply vanish....
You seem like a very nice and genuine guy, you deserve better and i hope you'll find the right girl :)

Thank you for your kind words Sophie. :xxgrinning--00xx3: It's situations that have happened with me & similar that make people think this is how most Filipinas are -I know friends that know about my situations will now think this. I have been warned by a Chinese girl before too. If it wasn't for getting to know some of you lovely ladies on here a little, I guess I would be wondering if this is how a lot of Filipinas treat guys as well. It's sad that a few people that don't care about hurting others give others a bad name. :NoNo:

[bornatbirth]

well people can only talk about what they know,my family think my wife and her family are great...i guess others come across bad experiences and think theyre all the same...shame really but you cant blame them?

[Juana]

As I said, she says that she is religious, goes to church at least twice a week and she only recently said that I should renew my faith (my family are religious, but I haven't gone to church very often for quite a while-partly because of not having much luck in meeting someone with trying for so long and being single feeling the odd one out etc).

Yes, she has seemed pretty caring before and said that once, that she would prefer to be ill/in pain rather than me. She had also said that she wasn't seeing anyone else. I just don't understand if she wanted out/was in contact with someone else, why the sudden disappearance and to have carried on the contact for so long? For someone that is supposedly so religious, she doesn't seem to have acted in a very Christian way and seems to make a mockery of how Christians are meant to be behave or how God would want them to behave. Maybe more Christians are like this than we think? :Erm: I think I have acted in a more Christian way than she has!

Is she Roman Catholic? I ask this because you said that she goes to church twice a week, I don't know if there are other religious sects but I know for one that members of Iglesia ni Cristo do go to church twice a wk and they don't celebrate Christmas (that's probably why you didn't get a card).

With regards to what u said about Christians and being religious etc, I don't think I agree. Im not a religious person and for now my spiritual health is not that good but to err is only human and regardless of what a person's religion is, we are all susceptible to wrong doings. People go to church to seek enlightenment and to help them be a better person.

Can I ask how old she is? She may just be acting immaturely. But then again over a week is too long to haven't said anything. She may just be finding the courage to tell you what it is that's bothering her.

[South-east boy]

Is she Roman Catholic? I ask this because you said that she goes to church twice a week, I don't know if there are other religious sects but I know for one that members of Iglesia ni Cristo do go to church twice a wk and they don't celebrate Christmas (that's probably why you didn't get a card).

With regards to what u said about Christians and being religious etc, I don't think I agree. Im not a religious person and for now my spiritual health is not that good but to err is only human and regardless of what a person's religion is, we are all susceptible to wrong doings. People go to church to seek enlightenment and to help them be a better person.

Can I ask how old she is? She may just be acting immaturely. But then again over a week is too long to haven't said anything. She may just be finding the courage to tell you what it is that's bothering her.

She is 25. Yes, she is Roman Catholic and does celebrate Christmas. I know that Christian people are not perfect and will makes mistake from time to time, but if you call yourself a Christian, you should have a good heart, be a good a person as you can and live life a Christian way etc. For someone to say that they are a strong Christian, then to hurt (maybe lie, deceive and scam/try to get gifts/money, who knows?) a good person that has done all that they can for your and your family (and that you know how they have been hurt before), goes against all Christian teaching and I don't know how someone that can do that, can call themselves a strong Christian. I find it quite hypocritical really. :NoNo:

[triple5]

So what now? You could get yourself back on a dating site and meet a new filipina within days. But do you ever see yourself going out there? Realistically, when did you think before this happened you could have made that trip? You got to do some chasing if you want to win a filipinas heart, and meeting them on asianeuro etc you got to move quick with the good ones. There's a lot of blokes on there with their flights booked already.

Not worth beating yourself up over what's happened, her motives etc, plenty more fish in the sea as they say.

[Sophie]

Thank you for your kind words Sophie. :xxgrinning--00xx3: It's situations that have happened with me & similar that make people think this is how most Filipinas are -I know friends that know about my situations will now think this. I have been warned by a Chinese girl before too. If it wasn't for getting to know some of you lovely ladies on here a little, I guess I would be wondering if this is how a lot of Filipinas treat guys as well. It's sad that a few people that don't care about hurting others give others a bad name. :NoNo:

You're welcome tim :) And don't loose heart, you'll find the right girl, in time.....
There's still a lot of genuine filipinas out there, as a matter of fact, i think there's one available in this forum - it's jam :)
Sorry jam and tim, i like to play matchmaker, i can't help it, hehehe :D

[Arthur Little]

Tim, I can easily relate :rolleyes: to what you're going through, my friend. Having been married for the first time at a relatively young age, I found myself widowed when I was 47. Then, for the next sixteen years, I seemed to "stumble" blindly on from one relationship to the next :doh ... all with British women, I hasten to add ... before "meeting" Myrna online in 2007 and, finally, "striking" [very] lucky!

I firmly believe that she and I were truly destined for one another :love2: ... and each of my previous liaisons [apart from my earlier (successful) marriage - which lasted for 24 years] were all part of a "trial period" I'd to undergo prior
to finding true happiness once again.


I've *quoted the main body of an earlier post of mine in relation to your situation ... its object being to demonstrate how, in a metapohrical sense, I had to encounter many "frogs" on the pathway to meeting my "princess".

In so *doing, I have purposely left out my last paragraph ... expressing the hope that things would [ultimately] work out well between you and Suzie ... because, the longer she maintains her "wall of silence - sadly, :bigcry: the less likely it seems you are, to hear from her again. This "judgement" is based on my having faced a similar situation (albeit involving an Englishwoman ) just over 4 years ago.

To enlarge:

About a couple of weeks before setting off on a pre-planned holiday to China, I met the lady in question at a dance. By a curious coincidence, she shared the same christian name as my late first wife, i.e., Iris. We dated twice ... and the "liaison" somehow felt "just right"! I even made a point of keeping in touch by mobile phone most days while I was away ... a bloody expensive business, it has to be said ... with HER using lovey-dovey sweet talk each time she rang off. So much so that, despite an otherwise enjoyable trip encapsulating such breathtaking sights as 'The Great Wall', the Terracotta Army site and Shanghai By Night - all in congenial company - I found myself yearning to be back home ... simply for the sake of seeing her again!

On my return to the UK, I repeatedly tried contacting her from Heathrow. The first time, the phone was answered by a man ... whom I understood to be her son-in-law, as she lived with her married daughter and family. According to him, she was taking a bath ... so I left a message to tell Iris I'd called. An hour later, I tried again ... no response! On the 3rd occasion, I managed to speak to her daughter ... who informed me her mother had been feeling very tired and had gone to bed. Bah! It just seemed to be one :lame: excuse after another ... !!

I finally managed to "pin the woman down" from home next day ... after an arduous, exhausting, sleep-deprived journey north, courtesy of National Express Coaches. We agreed to meet a week later and (guess what?) she failed to turn-up! She later called me to say, "sorry, but ... " (words to the effect that I was a really nice man; however, regettably, she felt she wasn't quite ready for another relationship "so soon" after her dear husband's passing, etc., etc., etc., :blahblah::blahblah::blahblah:). Turned out the guy had been dead for over two years!

And so, my friend, life goes on ... ! But, like I said ... "frogs & princesses". Keep your pecker up ... there's another day coming ...

[Doc Alan]

You're welcome tim :) And don't loose heart, you'll find the right girl, in time.....
There's still a lot of genuine filipinas out there, as a matter of fact, i think there's one available in this forum - it's jam :)
Sorry jam and tim, i like to play matchmaker, i can't help it, hehehe :D

I agree (again!) with Sophie. I can see that you're a genuine guy who needs to regain your self respect. Jam is most certainly a genuine filipina. Arthur has reminded us that there are untrustworthy people here in Britain and I have my own experience of that. I'm not a matchmaker but I'm sure, in time, things will work out for you !

[Sim11UK]

(maybe lie, deceive and scam/try to get gifts/money, who knows?) a good person that has done all that they can for your and your family (and that you know how they have been hurt before)

I don't think you should think you've been scammed, just a case of there maybe someone else, who has confirmed a trip out there?
Triple5 is right, you do have to win their hearts, surest way, is to get out there...It's the only way you can build a proper relationship.

Don't be put off, you'll find someone if you really want to...You've just had a knockback. :)

[jam07]

You're welcome tim :) And don't loose heart, you'll find the right girl, in time.....
There's still a lot of genuine filipinas out there, as a matter of fact, i think there's one available in this forum - it's jam :)
Sorry jam and tim, i like to play matchmaker, i can't help it, hehehe :D


I agree (again!) with Sophie. I can see that you're a genuine guy who needs to regain your self respect. Jam is most certainly a genuine filipina. Arthur has reminded us that there are untrustworthy people here in Britain and I have my own experience of that. I'm not a matchmaker but I'm sure, in time, things will work out for you !

guys, lets give south-east boy a break :) his heart has just been broken and I know it will take a while to heal. :)

thanks for the compliment doc alan! thats sweet of you :)
thanks for being sweet sophie! :)

i hope everything will be okay with you seb! :)

[liane]

And don't loose heart, you'll find the right girl, in time.....
There's still a lot of genuine filipinas out there, as a matter of fact, i think there's one available in this forum - it's jam :)
Sorry jam and tim, i like to play matchmaker, i can't help it, hehehe :D

:iagree:
Their names even look nice together Jam and Tim. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[South-east boy]

Thanks for taking the time to reply everyone. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Well I phoned her mobile again this morning as I just wanted an answer etc and again someone answered and just kept saying "hello, hello!" then something in tagalog. She acted like she couldn't hear or understand, but I'm sure she could here as this went on for over 6 minutes, with me asking if Suzie was there etc. If you couldn't hear or understand someone, you wouldn't still be saying "hello" after 6 minutes.

So after a while I phoned her home no and a sister said that she was out at the time, but would be back about 11pm. I asked if there was a problem with her mobile phone and she said that it was destroyed & was trying to get a new one. So I phoned at 11pm, and Suzie answered! :omg: She said that her phone had a virus that had come from the PC an it had been out of action for well over a week. I know that there is something up with her PC, as sometimes when we have been chatting on yahoo, some thing saying 'Happy sankranti/pongal http://crackspider.net' keeps popping up very so often on it's own accord. She said that she is trying to get a new phone at the moment. I said about the previous phone calls when someone answered and just kept saying "hello, hello" and she said "are you sure? Maybe it was just the phone operator?" She said that she had been staying with her cousins after Christmas in the Province at Cole (?). She also said that the internet was down at home as the bill hadn't been paid and at work they had cut it off as a manager had caught a teacher playing games on them. Seems a sudden lot of things going wrong all at once?! :Erm:

She then asked what I thought of her and she thought that I thought of her as just a friend. I said that I wouldn't have done what I did, make the effort that I did if she was just a 'friend', that I wouldn't have been as worried as I had been and that I wasn't in contact with anyone else because of her. So I asked her the same thing and she said that she thought of me as a friend as anyone that she has met on the internet until they go to see her, she won't totally believe them as it's easy for guys to chat to many women on the internet and say this & that, but not really mean it + a lot of guys find lying very easily. She also thinks this as she had been hurt before and that since her dad passed away, that she was trying to avoid being hurt even more. She said that she hadn't been back on FH since meeting me and that I could check if I wanted. She also said that she had said to me before about until someone goes to see her etc, but I certainly don't remember as I would not have spent what I did on her Birthday, Christmas and family presents.

Anyway, we are meant to be chatting again shortly and she said that she would go to an internet cafe, catch up with my emails and explain how she feels about everything.

I know people have said before that a lot of Filipinas want action and the guy to prove what he feels and going to see them etc. The thing is, I don't want someone to want me just because I have gone to see them, I want them to want me because of how I am and that they have fallen for me. Of course me going to see them would make it complete. To make going even more slightly worrying, I have been in contact with British girls over here before from dating sites. We have got on great, chatted on the phone, etc etc, then met up and they have acted differently or once we have met, then not wanted to see me again. It's a lot of money to spend if once you have met, they still only see you as a friend, but would be easier to go and see them if you know that they felt for you a lot and maybe even love you a bit.

Will keep you posted as to what happens, .

[liane]

Tim, ask yourself if you believe her excuses of not getting in touch with you for 12 days? She should have been aware that you'll be worried and she could have done something or made some way to let you know how she's been doing for the past days.
I'm afraid she's been in contact with some men and maybe trying to see who will come and get her first:rolleyes::NoNo:
Better watch out Tim.

We will be waiting for your follow up posts.

[Sim11UK]

Well Tim, it's the only way you will ever find out if you go out there.
Everyone who has been, has had to face the possibility of rejection, but if you make the effort, the chances are good.
You can't make money a never ending excuse, not to go.

In the situation, of just chatting online, friends is all you are ever going to be really, whoever you are talking to.

Time to grab the horns with both hands. :rolleyes:

[pennybarry]

I'm lazy when it comes to texting. That's why I replied here late and post just now.:omg:

I don't know, but for sure I don't like reading shortcut wrong spelling text message. :omg::icon_lol: It affects me if you will text me shortcut wrong spelling.:Brick: If you sent text to me, I will call you but seldom send text message to you.

[triple5]

It comes across as though you're looking for reasons not to visit her. It seems she's looking for a husband and your happy to be just penpals.


I know people have said before that a lot of Filipinas want action and the guy to prove what he feels and going to see them etc. The thing is, I don't want someone to want me just because I have gone to see them, I want them to want me because of how I am and that they have fallen for me.

Catch 22. Hows she's going to fall for you without meeting you in person :Erm:


To make going even more slightly worrying, I have been in contact with British girls over here before from dating sites. We have got on great, chatted on the phone, etc etc, then met up and they have acted differently or once we have met, then not wanted to see me again. It's a lot of money to spend if once you have met, they still only see you as a friend, but would be easier to go and see them if you know that they felt for you a lot and maybe even love you a bit.

He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life. - Muhammad Ali

I'd recommend reading some of Sim's older threads, where he got out there asap coz he thought he might lose his girl, then take a look at his wedding pics :)

[jam07]

Well Tim, it's the only way you will ever find out if you go out there.
Everyone who has been, has had to face the possibility of rejection, but if you make the effort, the chances are good.
You can't make money a never ending exc78[]=nmuse, not to go.

In the situation, of just chatting online, friends is all you are ever going to be really, whoever you are talking to. :iagree:

Time to grab the horns with both hands. :rolleyes:

:iagree: :xxgrinning--00xx3: look what Tomthumb did. After just 6 weeks of chatting with the girl, he is now off to manila to meet her in two weeks! :D

:)

[ca143]

Well Tim, it's the only way you will ever find out if you go out there.
Everyone who has been, has had to face the possibility of rejection, but if you make the effort, the chances are good.
You can't make money a never ending excuse, not to go.

In the situation, of just chatting online, friends is all you are ever going to be really, whoever you are talking to.

Time to grab the horns with both hands. :rolleyes:


:iagree:meet her,because maybe she like to wait for nothing.....

[Dedworth]

:iagree:meet her,because maybe she like to wait for nothing.....

It is a tricky one , although IMO she's treated SEB in a despicable way.

:confused:I'd find it hard to decide between

a) kicking her into touch/plenty more fish in the sea

or

b) if you don't ask you don't get/grabbing an air ticket

:confused:

[jam07]

Thanks for taking the time to reply everyone. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Well I phoned her mobile again this morning as I just wanted an answer etc and again someone answered and just kept saying "hello, hello!" then something in tagalog. She acted like she couldn't hear or understand, but I'm sure she could here as this went on for over 6 minutes, with me asking if Suzie was there etc. If you couldn't hear or understand someone, you wouldn't still be saying "hello" after 6 minutes.

So after a while I phoned her home no and a sister said that she was out at the time, but would be back about 11pm. I asked if there was a problem with her mobile phone and she said that it was destroyed & was trying to get a new one. So I phoned at 11pm, and Suzie answered! :omg: She said that her phone had a virus that had come from the PC an it had been out of action for well over a week. I know that there is something up with her PC, as sometimes when we have been chatting on yahoo, some thing saying 'Happy sankranti/pongal http://crackspider.net' keeps popping up very so often on it's own accord. She said that she is trying to get a new phone at the moment. I said about the previous phone calls when someone answered and just kept saying "hello, hello" and she said "are you sure? Maybe it was just the phone operator?" She said that she had been staying with her cousins after Christmas in the Province at Cole (?). She also said that the internet was down at home as the bill hadn't been paid and at work they had cut it off as a manager had caught a teacher playing games on them. Seems a sudden lot of things going wrong all at once?! :Erm:

She then asked what I thought of her and she thought that I thought of her as just a friend. I said that I wouldn't have done what I did, make the effort that I did if she was just a 'friend', that I wouldn't have been as worried as I had been and that I wasn't in contact with anyone else because of her. So I asked her the same thing and she said that she thought of me as a friend as anyone that she has met on the internet until they go to see her, she won't totally believe them as it's easy for guys to chat to many women on the internet and say this & that, but not really mean it + a lot of guys find lying very easily. She also thinks this as she had been hurt before and that since her dad passed away, that she was trying to avoid being hurt even more. She said that she hadn't been back on FH since meeting me and that I could check if I wanted. She also said that she had said to me before about until someone goes to see her etc, but I certainly don't remember as I would not have spent what I did on her Birthday, Christmas and family presents.

Anyway, we are meant to be chatting again shortly and she said that she would go to an internet cafe, catch up with my emails and explain how she feels about everything.

I know people have said before that a lot of Filipinas want action and the guy to prove what he feels and going to see them etc. The thing is, I don't want someone to want me just because I have gone to see them, I want them to want me because of how I am and that they have fallen for me. Of course me going to see them would make it complete. To make going even more slightly worrying, I have been in contact with British girls over here before from dating sites. We have got on great, chatted on the phone, etc etc, then met up and they have acted differently or once we have met, then not wanted to see me again. It's a lot of money to spend if once you have met, they still only see you as a friend, but would be easier to go and see them if you know that they felt for you a lot and maybe even love you a bit.

Will keep you posted as to what happens, .

I'm glad Suzie finally answered your call. But still, I dont buy her excuses. Actually, I think its full of crap :xxgrinning--00xx3:. First the mobile excuse. An 'operator' will answer you call? :doh This is definitely not true as no 'operator' is assigned to a mobile subscriber either postpaid or prepaid :NoNo: Second, the home internet excuse. She said that the internet at home is down because the bill hasnt paid yet. If this is the case, I believe she is a postpaid internet subscriber. I am a post paid internet subscriber as well. I know that the monthly internet and phone charges are under one billing statement. So if your you cant pay your phone charges its definite that you cant pay the internet as well. You cant pay them separately. Once unpaid, both the internet and the phone services will be cut-off. But you can call her on her landline the past few days right? So how can that be? hmmm... :rolleyes: third, another mobile excuse. Her sister said that Suzie's phone got destroyed and then Suzie says that her mobile has virus :Erm: which one is the truth then? :Erm:

She thought of you as a 'friend'. Hmmm... thats something... Something I'm gonna be bothered about if I am in your shoes. :rolleyes: It only shows that the feeling is not mutual. Anyways, she will be back online again right? I hope she can explain everything well and maybe sort out what kind of relationship you guys have :)

[South-east boy]

Right, I shall say what's happened, then reply to various things that people have said.

I thought that she thought of me as more than a friend as she had said a few times on the webcam, that she couldn't stop looking at me as I looked so good, that my accent was sexy & romantic, that she missed me, was always thinking about me, that she would rather be ill/in pain instead of me and that are star signs were good matches. I sent the email from work to home about what she said just before her birthday when she knew what I had been doing for it:

"To my dearest Tim,"

(she said some other stuff about being busy during the week, then:"So sorry for my late mail but don't worry because I've been always thinking about you, read your messages on my phone to lift me up everyday at work and at home and imagined that we were talking face to face.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to say this. You're one of a kind.You truly make me happy. I really don't know how to repay you.To tell you honestly, I sometimes get so emotional whenever I receive your text on my phone and your mails on my yahoo because you truly care about me and I thought of you are protecting me and care me especially my father isn't with us now. As I was typing this mail, I just couldn't stop my tears from falling. I've been looking for someone for all my life, who knows how to take care of me and my family and show his love to us unconditionally. I really don't know and don't understand why women in your country don't see your being you as a real man with a heart of gold and has a lot of patience from waiting from my mail. Hehehe...Thank you so much for always being there for me and I really appreciate and admire it from you the most. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for being real to me as I am to you..

I guess you can call me tonight at 11:00 to 11:30 at night my time. Hehehe...I miss you so much. Take care and God bless you! Hugs and kisses...smile!!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

So these things, always putting lots of kisses etc at ends of emails and texts + others that I can't remember right now, made me think that she thought of me as more than just friends. What would you think about how they feel for you if you heard these things said and written to you?

Anyway, this morning before I left for work, she popped up on yahoo and said that she had borrowed a students laptop. She read the email I sent her last night and looked at the photos from Christmas. Then this part of the conversation between us on yahoo:

Suzie: Tim, I really have to tell you something, I don't want to keep this from you.
Tim: Yes?
Suzie: I have a close friend who married a man from Denmark and she has been staying with him in Denmark for more than a year now.
Tim: Yes.
Suzie: Her husbands's friend is seriously looking for someone to be his wife and will come here in Cebu next week and I will meet him
Suzie: Are you ok?
Tim: No
Suzie: Why?
Suzie: We are just friends right?
Tim: Why do you think?
Suzie: And for me, there's nothing special between us
Tim: *crying smiley*
Suzie: are you crying?
Tim: and it's special between you and him?
Suzie: I haven't met him yet. I will meet him and see what it takes if i will like or love him
Tim: but you said not so long ago, that you were not in contact with any other guys
Suzie: my friend knows him well especially her husband
Suzie: yes, I didn't contact any other guys Tim. My friend suddenly texted my older sister Jacky that someone will meet me next week
Suzie: I am just being honest with you now
Tim: so you don't know him at all?
Suzie: yes thats right. I haven't seen pictuires at all. I will meet him
Tim: so how we have got to know each other, all the time we have chatted and all that I have done means nothing to you? And you might reject me over a stranger?
Tim: I want someone to want me because o how I am as a person, not just because the only thing I have done is go to see them
Suzie: I understand how you feel now Tim
Tim: I should not have sent you those things and spent the money on a flight as I did not know that you would meet someone else
Suzie: so sorry Tim if I want to meet him as I am seriously looking for marriage
Tim: he has spent no time in getting to know you, what you like, how you are, he just has the money to see you
Tim: but why didn't you ask me before?
Suzie: ask you what?
Tim: when will I be coming to see you? to have an answer etc?
Tim: you also said that you missed me and that you were always thinking of me?
Suzie: yes I really do think f you and miss you, but only as a friend. Thats all and nothing more
Tim: well I don't say those things about just a friend
Suzie: I don't think you can blame a woman if she really doesn't have feelings back for you
Suzie: I really apprieciate all the things you do for me and to may family, Tim, I am really thankful and grateful about that. You are truly a very good person
Tim: of course not, but I thought if you get to know someone and you get on well, you find each other attractive then you gradually develop feelings,
Suzie: but no matter how I try to have feelings for you as a man, I still really can't. I don't know why?
Tim: rather than me being like a stranger
Suzie: if I had special feelings for you, I would not meet him
Tim: so you are saying that you can have special feelings before meeting?
Suzie: there's something on you that's similar with my ex fiance
Suzie: yes, that's right
Tim: you never mentioned this before after all these months
Suzie: but I can't explain what it is that you have similar with my ex fiance. I just noticed something similar when we talked last night
Suzie: my close friend just texted my sister last week and how could I tell you this thing?

So looks like that's it. :cwm24: Even if she doesn't end up with this stranger (which I'm sure she will), it doesn't seem like it is worth me going as she says that she has no feelings at all for me. Why she never said any of this before I don't know. She never said that she is desperate for marriage, as she hadn't mentioned it or asked me when I was coming to see her, I thought that she wasn't in a rush. She could have also said, don't spend money on presents etc, instead spend it on a flight/trip to see me. Also if she really didn't feel anything, I wish she would have said don't spend so much money on me as I could have used the money on someone that would feel something for me. She had said yesterday that if I go to see her, that I would need quite a bit of money as she has large family!

[Doc Alan]

It seems I'm the first to read your update but I won't be the last. Obviously I'm sorry to know what has happened, hopefully we have helped you, and there's not much more I can say. You're not the only one and you will get over it, but right now I can fully empathise with your feelings. You must be emotionally drained and tired. I'm sure as the first to respond here I can say our thoughts are with you.

[alanmf1]

Plenty more fish...................

[South-east boy]

:NoNo:


Well Tim, it's the only way you will ever find out if you go out there.
Everyone who has been, has had to face the possibility of rejection, but if you make the effort, the chances are good.
You can't make money a never ending excuse, not to go.

Oh, yes I know that everyone that goes faces the possibility of rejection when they go, but surely when you go to see the lady that you have been chatting to, you feel that they are more than just friends to you. Would you have gone to see her if she said that she was just friends? Money won't always be an excuse, but when your mortgage goes up 50%, your wages go down 20+% and you have £1500 of car bills, you have a lot less money and you can't just pull it out of a hat. :NoNo: That's why I am doing the things that I am at the moment to get some money back in until the recession eases at least.


In the situation, of just chatting online, friends is all you are ever going to be really, whoever you are talking to.

Time to grab the horns with both hands. :rolleyes:

Yes, but are you saying that when you were speaking to your lady, before you met her, that you had no feelings and they were just a friend and nothing more? I feel you need to feel that they are more than friends, that you get an exciting feeling, that they could be the one etc before you meet.


It comes across as though you're looking for reasons not to visit her. It seems she's looking for a husband and your happy to be just penpals.

Well, it seems that you were right about her looking for a husband, but I'm not happy just being penpals, if she had said that she was that desperate, asked me or whatever then I would have known. If I had have had the money I might have gone, but like I said, although I thought that the thought of me more than just friends, I wasn't getting a strong enough feeling from her to make me want to go more. So as she hadn't asked etc, I thought I would see what develops.



Catch 22. Hows she's going to fall for you without meeting you in person :Erm: I have read on here that plenty of people have fallen for each other before meeting, some even saying that they were in love. The girl from France who I was in a LDR before a few years back said that she loved me before meeting me and I have to say that I have fallen for someone before meeting them. I wouldn't say I loved them, as like I've said before, I think that you need to meet face to face and know that you both feel as strong for each other to get the true feeling.



He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life. - Muhammad Ali

I'd recommend reading some of Sim's older threads, where he got out there asap coz he thought he might lose his girl, then take a look at his wedding pics :)


:iagree: :xxgrinning--00xx3: look what Tomthumb did. After just 6 weeks of chatting with the girl, he is now off to manila to meet her in two weeks! :D

:)

But it's easier to do this if you have the money to do it and it's hard for people that have money to understand what it's like if you don't have the money to do such things. And Tomthumb did say that they were in love etc, so it's easier to do something like that if you have strong feelings for them and they have the same feelings for you. There were times when I didn't hear from Suzie for a while a while back, which doesn't help any developing feelings and althought I thought that she thought more of me than just friends, I thought that if she felt strongly for me, she sould have found time to chat somehow, even if she had to wake up earlier or gone to bed later to find spare time on the PC at home. I guess I should have asked her about her feelings earlier, but I thought as we got chatting to each other on webcam, phone and text, I thought that are feelings would grow.

[TomThumb]

That was quite painful to read. It must have been much worse for you. I agree that she isn't being consistent or rational, but deep down that is how people work. The reasons they give for things tend to be invented afterwards I reckon.
At least she is being honest now. I don't think there is any point in your trying to argue with her, and to be honest she doesn't seem much of a catch. She shouldn't have accepted so much from you or said what she did to you if she didn't feel more positively towards you. Now she is trying to let you down as kindly as she can, but the damage has been done.
I don't know what to advise you to do now. Maybe lick your wounds for a bit, and then perhaps concentrate on improving your finances so if you meet someone with a better character, you will be in a better position to pursue her.
I'm so sorry you had this painful experience, but I can honestly say that I think your big loss was not her. It was the money.

[Dedworth]

SEB - look at it on the basis that you've had a close shave with someone of questionable morals seemingly desperate for a meal ticket. I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around so hopefully it will all end in tears for her. You are a decent person with a lot of guts to come on here explaining all that has gone on.

Chin up, continue the project, put the bad apple down to experience and I'm sure you will find your Filipina Dreamgirl. I wish you all the very best of luck.

[TomThumb]

Hi again :) I just saw a reference to me. I think south-east boy is right that it isn't sensible to go out without some more serious expression of intent on both sides (particularly if money is tight). Also I was lucky that I have enough money for the trip. So that is two things on my side that he didn't have. This LDR game is hard enough even when the cards are stacked in your favour.

[South-east boy]

I'm glad Suzie finally answered your call. But still, I dont buy her excuses. Actually, I think its full of crap :xxgrinning--00xx3:. First the mobile excuse. An 'operator' will answer you call? :doh This is definitely not true as no 'operator' is assigned to a mobile subscriber either postpaid or prepaid :NoNo: Second, the home internet excuse. She said that the internet at home is down because the bill hasnt paid yet. If this is the case, I believe she is a postpaid internet subscriber. I am a post paid internet subscriber as well. I know that the monthly internet and phone charges are under one billing statement. So if your you cant pay your phone charges its definite that you cant pay the internet as well. You cant pay them separately. Once unpaid, both the internet and the phone services will be cut-off. But you can call her on her landline the past few days right? So how can that be? hmmm... :rolleyes: third, another mobile excuse. Her sister said that Suzie's phone got destroyed and then Suzie says that her mobile has virus :Erm: which one is the truth then? :Erm:

She thought of you as a 'friend'. Hmmm... thats something... Something I'm gonna be bothered about if I am in your shoes. :rolleyes: It only shows that the feeling is not mutual. Anyways, she will be back online again right? I hope she can explain everything well and maybe sort out what kind of relationship you guys have :)

I have to say, that I'm still a bit suspiscious about her reasons/excuses. As I said it seems a bit fishy about all the sudden problems. Now, I might have bought a reason about her phone if she had said that it had been stolen, but most times it rang sometimes it was out of signal etc and sometimes was answered by someone who wasn't her. How would this happen if her phone didn't work or was broken?

Also does anyone know how you go 'I'm mobile' on yahoo? As the other night she signed in on yahoo and went onto 'I'm mobile'. Could she do this with a phone that doesn't work?

Also I don't know if you remember, but got a read receipt on Wednesday morning that she had read one of my e-cards, but she seemed to deny it and of course had said that the internet was down at home and work. She would have got the messages from her brother and sisters that I had called last Wednesday and Thursday, so I would have thought that somehow she could have made the effort to contact me somehow.

To be honest, I'm not sure how long she has known this new guy, whether it is made up or not, but I think that she is thinking of ways to end it whether they be truthful or not? Whether she thought that just by going quiet, I would not bother, but when I did and she realised that I would not give up, then she has said this, I don't know?

There have been times when she said that she was in pain with her wisdom teeth, once that the family was in trouble with money and also before Christmas that she needed a fancy dress for the Christmas school party. Whether this was just in usual chat or hints and she was hoping that I would offer money, I don't know? Also I know that she was hoping to work in another country and when I said that it wasn't easy to do that here, whether that put her off a bit, I don't know?

[triple5]

That's harsh mate, but at least you know the score now, no more trying to figure out whats going on. I agree with what Tomthumb & Dedworth says, doesn't sound like much of a catch tbh.


I've been looking for someone for all my life, who knows how to take care of me and my family and show his love to us unconditionally.


She had said yesterday that if I go to see her, that I would need quite a bit of money as she has large family!

The kind of girl whose looking for a sponsor for the family more than an actual husband. I think you've had a lucky escape in all honesty.

[Sim11UK]

She had said yesterday that if I go to see her, that I would need quite a bit of money as she has large family!

Hmmmmm? this last sentence you wrote, is quite disturbing. :NoNo:

What I said earlier, you are right. No I wouldn't make a trip out there, if you were just friends, there has to be something more.
I thought now you had heard from her, she may have been trying to get a bit more committment from you, to visit her.

She has certainly dropped a bombshell on you, with this Danish guy...Believe me, strange things can happen in the Philippines. I feel for you, it's her loss.

Don't be dis-heartened, stick around here, you will find someone who wants to be with you for who you are & dosen't have an ulterior motive. :)

[liane]

Sorry to hear about this Tim.

Finally she found the decency to tell you the truth, so she rather meet a stranger than to meet you whom she knows for several months :NoNo: .
I don't believe her for saying she didn't know how the stranger guy looks like (some sort of a blind date??? :Erm:) and that her friend sent a sms message to her sister telling her to meet someone she never knew. She wanted to meet this guy just because she's in a hurry to get married :doh

I don't want to judge her but I think she used you and played with your feelings. You deserve someone better than her, you're a nice man and it's her loss for letting you go. It's cruel of her to tell you that she can't have a special feelings for you :yikes:

So I must say better know her real colors this early than be sorry later.
I hope next time you'll be lucky in love.

[South-east boy]

Sorry to hear about this Tim.

Finally she found the decency to tell you the truth, so she rather meet a stranger than to meet you whom she knows for several months :NoNo: .
I don't believe her for saying she didn't know how the stranger guy looks like (some sort of a blind date??? :Erm:) and that her friend sent a sms message to her sister telling her to meet someone she never knew. She wanted to meet this guy just because she's in a hurry to get married :doh

I don't want to judge her but I think she used you and played with your feelings. You deserve someone better than her, you're a nice man and it's her loss for letting you go. It's cruel of her to tell you that she can't have a special feelings for you :yikes:

So I must say better know her real colors this early than be sorry later.
I hope next time you'll be lucky in love.

Thanks Liane! It half seems like an arranged marriage! Friend texts and says that a guy is coming to see you next week, neither of who have met, chatted, know much about each other or anything. I should have listened to my doubts near the beginning after she had said about how she met her ex-fiance. He was American and a sister/sister-in/law posed as her on a dating site. Then her sister/sister-in law said to the ex-fiance when he had booked the trip to see her, that it wasn't really her and also said to Suzie that he going to see her, so she was shocked about that too. He wasn't very happy and nearly cancelled, but still went and they got engaged. Not sure if it was on that first trip or not. As far as I now he didn't go again and after a year and a half of not getting anywhere, she broke it off. I did think that all that was strange, but as were getting on well, I kinda put it to the back of my mind.

You know, when I work out what I have spent on the Birthday & Christmas presents, courier, VAT & customs charges, other mobile phone and smart sim card, phone cards, smart loads to her phone etc, that has come to over £600! Now if she had been asking when I was coming, had made it clear that she felt strongly for me/had fallen for me etc, was looking to get married etc, had said don't spend money on other things, but to spend it on trip to see her instead and I had fallen for her, I would have given up my Salsa classes etc & maybe other little things and this over the 2nd half of last year + the money I had spent on the previous mentioned things would have paid for a trip to see her! :doh But like people have said, maybe it was better that this didn't happen in the end?

[South-east boy]

That's harsh mate, but at least you know the score now, no more trying to figure out whats going on. I agree with what Tomthumb & Dedworth says, doesn't sound like much of a catch tbh.





The kind of girl whose looking for a sponsor for the family more than an actual husband. I think you've had a lucky escape in all honesty.




Hmmmmm? this last sentence you wrote, is quite disturbing. :NoNo:

What I said earlier, you are right. No I wouldn't make a trip out there, if you were just friends, there has to be something more.
I thought now you had heard from her, she may have been trying to get a bit more committment from you, to visit her.

She has certainly dropped a bombshell on you, with this Danish guy...Believe me, strange things can happen in the Philippines. I feel for you, it's her loss.

Don't be dis-heartened, stick around here, you will find someone who wants to be with you for who you are & dosen't have an ulterior motive. :)

Yes, she has 13 brothers and sisters, although on older brother is married & his wife works in London, an older sister is married & her husband lives in LA, USA, a an older sister is married with kids, another older sister is married with one kid, a younger sister is engaged to a guy from USA, and another sister works in Taiwan. So they are not all at home. She has one sister at home that doesn't work, one brother that has just finished a course, the engaged sister at home doesn't work, 3 younger brothers and sisters that are College students and a younger sister at school. She says that all her wages go to the family, so she doesn't have much to herself

I would have thought that if wanted me to come over that much, she wouldn't have said about that I would need a fair bit of money when I go. Of course I would take them for a meal and trip somewhere etc, but if she wanted to see me that much and to make it easier & sooner for me to come, then she wouldn't have said that, as saying that would mean that it would take longer to come because of saving more money up. Or maybe she was saying that to put me off coming?

Once before after she had said about coming here to work and I said that sorry, but it is not that easy, even nurses and care workers won't be able to to or will find it hard to and she replied with "are you trying to depress me?". Maybe this is another reason why she might have decided she didn't feel for me or wanted to end it?

[South-east boy]

It seems I'm the first to read your update but I won't be the last. Obviously I'm sorry to know what has happened, hopefully we have helped you, and there's not much more I can say. You're not the only one and you will get over it, but right now I can fully empathise with your feelings. You must be emotionally drained and tired. I'm sure as the first to respond here I can say our thoughts are with you.

Thanks Alan! It has been quite a couple of weeks for me. There was 12 days of worrying and wondering, lost sleep, then 2 days ago I thought that it was probably over, then yesterday when I got hold of her, I thought it was back on, then today it seems it's all over and she never felt anything for me. :NoNo: I think she just wants to get married and move to another country urgently. I don't think that she is too bothered who it is with or where it is.

[jam07]

Right, I shall say what's happened, then reply to various things that people have said.

I thought that she thought of me as more than a friend as she had said a few times on the webcam, that she couldn't stop looking at me as I looked so good, that my accent was sexy & romantic, that she missed me, was always thinking about me and that she would rather be ill/in pain instead of me. I sent the email from work to home about what she said just before her birthday when she knew what I had been doing for it:

"To my dearest Tim,"

(she said some other stuff about being busy during the week, then:"So sorry for my late mail but don't worry because I've been always thinking about you, read your messages on my phone to lift me up everyday at work and at home and imagined that we were talking face to face.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to say this. You're one of a kind.You truly make me happy. I really don't know how to repay you.To tell you honestly, I sometimes get so emotional whenever I receive your text on my phone and your mails on my yahoo because you truly care about me and I thought of you are protecting me and care me especially my father isn't with us now. As I was typing this mail, I just couldn't stop my tears from falling. I've been looking for someone for all my life, who knows how to take care of me and my family and show his love to us unconditionally. I really don't know and don't understand why women in your country don't see your being you as a real man with a heart of gold and has a lot of patience from waiting from my mail. Hehehe...Thank you so much for always being there for me and I really appreciate and admire it from you the most. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for being real to me as I am to you..

I guess you can call me tonight at 11:00 to 11:30 at night my time. Hehehe...I miss you so much. Take care and God bless you! Hugs and kisses...smile!!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

So these things, always putting lots of kisses etc at ends of emails and texts + others that I can't remember right now, made me think that she thought of me as more than just friends. What would you think about how they feel for you if you heard these things said and written to you?

Talk is cheap. Well, it is for some. She's a smooth talker as well. Its irritating that some people will use colourful words to manipulate someone. And having that 'xoxo' thing, you will not use to write to a male 'friend'. I dont! the 'o' would be fine but the 'x' no. Not to a friend.

Anyway, this morning before I left for work, she popped up on yahoo and said that she had borrowed a students laptop. She read the email I sent her last night and looked at the photos from Christmas. Then this part of the conversation between us on yahoo:

Suzie: Tim, I really have to tell you something, I don't want to keep this from you.
Tim: Yes?
Suzie: I have a close friend who married a man from Denmark and she has been staying with him in Denmark for more than a year now.
Tim: Yes.
Suzie: Her husbands's friend is seriously looking for someone to be his wife and will come here in Cebu next week and I will meet him
I think she already met him during her absence last 2 weeks! :rolleyes: :ARsurrender:
Suzie: Are you ok?
Tim: No
Suzie: Why?
Suzie: We are just friends right?
Tim: Why do you think?
Suzie: And for me, there's nothing special between us
Tim: *crying smiley*
Suzie: are you crying?
Tim: and it's special between you and him?
Suzie: I haven't met him yet. I will meet him and see what it takes if i will like or love him
Tim: but you said not so long ago, that you were not in contact with any other guys
Suzie: my friend knows him well especially her husband
Suzie: yes, I didn't contact any other guys Tim. My friend suddenly texted my older sister Jacky that someone will meet me next week
Suzie: I am just being honest with you now
Tim: so you don't know him at all?
Suzie: yes thats right. I haven't seen pictuires at all. I will meet him
now this is crap! :doh i dont believe this at all. She havent seen any pic of the guy? Its only natural that your friend will send you a pic of the guy you are being matched with nor you yourself will ask for a picture. What if he looked like frankenstein, would you still meet him? not! :ARsurrender:
Tim: so how we have got to know each other, all the time we have chatted and all that I have done means nothing to you? And you might reject me over a stranger?
Tim: I want someone to want me because o how I am as a person, not just because the only thing I have done is go to see them
Suzie: I understand how you feel now Tim
Tim: I should not have sent you those things and spent the money on a flight as I did not know that you would meet someone else
Suzie: so sorry Tim if I want to meet him as I am seriously looking for marriage
Tim: he has spent no time in getting to know you, what you like, how you are, he just has the money to see you
Tim: but why didn't you ask me before?
Suzie: ask you what?
Tim: when will I be coming to see you? to have an answer etc?
maybe that is another sign that a person is really keen to meet and be with you. Its not only the guys job to be excited about meeting his girl. The girl should be curious and excited to know when you are going to visit her :).
Tim: you also said that you missed me and that you were always thinking of me?
Suzie: yes I really do think f you and miss you, but only as a friend. Thats all and nothing more
Tim: well I don't say those things about just a friend
I agree... I think that she feels something special with you but died out in the long run.
Suzie: I don't think you can blame a woman if she really doesn't have feelings back for you
Suzie: I really apprieciate all the things you do for me and to may family, Tim, I am really thankful and grateful about that. You are truly a very good person
Tim: of course not, but I thought if you get to know someone and you get on well, you find each other attractive then you gradually develop feelings,
Suzie: but no matter how I try to have feelings for you as a man, I still really can't. I don't know why?
Tim: rather than me being like a stranger
Suzie: if I had special feelings for you, I would not meet him
Tim: so you are saying that you can have special feelings before meeting?
Suzie: there's something on you that's similar with my ex fiance
Suzie: yes, that's right
Tim: you never mentioned this before after all these months
Suzie: but I can't explain what it is that you have similar with my ex fiance. I just noticed something similar when we talked last night
Suzie: my close friend just texted my sister last week and how could I tell you this thing?

So looks like that's it. :cwm24: Even if she doesn't end up with this stranger (which I'm sure she will), it doesn't seem like it is worth me going as she says that she has no feelings at all for me. Why she never said any of this before I don't know. She never said that she is desperate for marriage, as she hadn't mentioned it or asked me when I was coming to see her, I thought that she wasn't in a rush. She could have also said, don't spend money on presents etc, instead spend it on a flight/trip to see me. Also if she really didn't feel anything, I wish she would have said don't spend so much money on me as I could have used the money on someone that would feel something for me. She had said yesterday that if I go to see her, that I would need quite a bit of money as she has large family! what?! :omg:

I think its lame when you ditch someone you know for a couple of months for someone who is practically a stranger :NoNo:... Its not that we are blaming you of not meeting her while on the earlier stage of um... 'relationship' but dont you think it will make things a bit diff'rent if you come and visit her?... I'm sorry about what happend to you but I (as well as the others i think) am not suprised that this will end up like this and she will ditch you once she gets in-touch with you again. I think it doesnt end there, wait till she meet the danish guy. If she is not attracted to him, I have a feeling that she will communicate with you again :rolleyes:

:)

[South-east boy]

I think its lame when you ditch someone you know for a couple of months for someone who is practically a stranger :NoNo:... Its not that we are blaming you of not meeting her while on the earlier stage of um... 'relationship' but dont you think it will make things a bit diff'rent if you come and visit her?... I'm sorry about what happend to you but I (as well as the others i think) am not suprised that this will end up like this and she will ditch you once she gets in-touch with you again. I think it doesnt end there, wait till she meet the danish guy. If she is not attracted to him, I have a feeling that she will communicate with you again :rolleyes:

:)

Thanks Jam. :xxgrinning--00xx3: Well it was 7 months which seem to have meant nothing to her. :NoNo: Oh of course, it would be different if I went to see her, but I wasn't getting wrong enough feelings from her to make me want to go more. Like you mentioned earlier, I would not be surprised if she had been with the Danish guy during that time when I couldn't get hold of her. Also because she seems to be breaking it off with me and she says that she hasn't met him yet, so she has either met him and is keen or hasn't met him but is so keen that she is trying to break it off with me. What if she meets him and doesn't like or get on with him, then with what she has said to me, kinda ending it, she will be back to no-one. Do you think that she would do this before having met the Danish guy & risking having no-one? Kinda putting all her eggs in the basket of a stranger against someone that she has known for 7 months.

In one of my first posts about this, I wondered if this is what might have happened (another guy gone to see her). But if not and she is meeting him next week, but they end up not getting on, after what she has said, if you were me, would you still be interested in her?

[jam07]

Thanks Jam. :xxgrinning--00xx3: Well it was 7 months which seem to have meant nothing to her. :NoNo: Oh of course, it would be different if I went to see her, but I wasn't getting wrong enough feelings from her to make me want to go more. Like you mentioned earlier, I would not be surprised if she had been with the Danish guy during that time when I couldn't get hold of her. Also because she seems to be breaking it off with me and she says that she hasn't met him yet, so she has either met him and is keen or hasn't met him but is so keen that she is trying to break it off with me. What if she meets him and doesn't like or get on with him, then with what she has said to me, kinda ending it, she will be back to no-one. Do you think that she would do this before having met the Danish guy & risking having no-one? Kinda putting all her eggs in the basket of a stranger against someone that she has known for 7 months.

In one of my first posts about this, I wondered if this is what might have happened (another guy gone to see her). But if not and she is meeting him next week, but they end up not getting on, after what she has said, if you were me, would you still be interested in her?

NO! :NoNo: :NoNo: :NoNo: i would be :crazy: :cwm3: if i take her back...

What she did is really unacceptable and rude. I hope everything will be okay with you. So cheer up! You'll be lucky in love someday. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

All the best Tim! :)

[South-east boy]

Thanks again Jam!

Actually this is the second time that I have done all I can, been kind and caring etc with a Filipina (last one was in uk) and they have ended it by saying that they didn't feel for me. The last timeI loved her, so was very hurt - even more so when started seeing someone else :cwm24:

Anyway, would have been interesting to know what would have happened if a different phone no. rang suzie's mobile phone?!

[Arthur Little]

rang suzie's mobile phone?!

I realise it's a great temptation to do this, Tim. And it's the sort of thing I might so easily have succumbed to myself. But frankly, you're wasting your time ... and money ... because there's no point in "flogging a dead horse ... "! :NoNo:

By MY reckoning, :rolleyes: you're a really decent guy ... who deserves a lot better ... and, trust me, you WILL meet someone worthy of your affection!

[South-east boy]

I realise it's a great temptation to do this, Tim. And it's the sort of thing I might so easily have succumbed to myself. But frankly, you're wasting your time ... and money ... because there's no point in "flogging a dead horse ... "! :NoNo:

By MY reckoning, :rolleyes: you're a really decent guy ... who deserves a lot better ... and, trust me, you WILL meet someone worthy of your affection!


Just had another night without much sleep!

Hi Arthur. I didn't mean ring her myself, I wondered if a different Phils phone no. had rang her, if she would have answered it/will answer it to know if the reasons/excuses she gave were true or not?

One other thing, is that once a while back when I was getting the make-up etc as presents, of course I had to mention it, as I would not know about what colours/shades for her, I did half jokingly say, that with all this great make-up that I was worried that she would have a lot of guys after her and she said that she would not be interested, that she is only talking to me. Why if I was just a friend would I say such a thing? Surely that would have said to her that I thought more of her as a friend? And with the presents if you were her and you thought of me of just friends, then you heard about me buying the presents, would you not say, don't spend much, as we are only friends, spend it on a future GF etc? Would a friend go to as much trouble over a friend that he has never met? Personally if I knew someone that I thought of as a friend was sending me lots of things, when I was sending them nothing, I would feel quite embarrassed and awkward about it. She also never asked me about how I was getting on with any ladies and if I was going on any dates etc. If she thought of me as just a friend, wouldn't she have asked that in some point in the past?

She also started the Yahoo conversation yesterday with "Hello friend" which she has never said before in the whole time that we have been in contact. I think that she's either met this other guy or has decided on him, so is trying to distance herself from me.

This is what partly worries me about flying to see a lady so quickly, I like to get to know someone well as then over a period of time you will get to know them and know how various things make them feel -happy and sad. Hopefully they will show what they are really like. If she has shown how she really is now and is maybe not so nice & caring, what if I had flown to see her a while back? She could put on the same front as earlier and I could be arranging to marry her without knowing what she is really like and any not-so nice hidden sides that she has.

She had said before that her parents wanted her to find a guy from Europe or USA and that she has never bothered with other guys or Phils guys

[Sophie]

Hello tim, i'm sorry for what happened, i know how much it must have hurt you but for what it's worth, atleast now you know the truth and no longer left in the dark wondering.....

I don't want to play devil's advocate but i got a strong feeling she already met this danish guy, i suspect that guy was over there the entire 12 days you cannot get hold of her.
And i don't believe her claims either that she's not in contact with any other guys but you. She must be chatting to this guy thesame time she's chatting with you.
And she must have lied to you about it since it will just put you off if you find out. She obviously kept her options open.
And when this danish guy decided to go there and visit her, she still did not tell you about him, she probably figured that if it doesn't work out with this guy, she still got you....

And now that she could have already met this guy and it went well, that's when she finally decided to ditch you and all of a sudden came up with claims about you as
being "just friends" and nothing special between you two, when she was quite sweet with her messages to you before which is certainly not in a "friendship" kind of way,
not to mention happily accepting all the presents you sent for her and her family without any hesitation or reluctance.
And looks like she's sticking to her previous story up to now that she's never been in contact with any other guy, to probably save her face and not admit she's a big liar.....

It's quite far fetched that this danish guy, who she claims as a total stranger and who she never chatted to nor she ever seen in photos,
suddenly decided to meet her next week and just like that, she made up her mind over this guy? I don't think so and i don't buy it.
She obviously met and have been with this guy already for her to make up her mind and be deadset on this danish guy and get rid of you just like that
after everything you had before and after all the nice things you've done for her....

She's not right for you and if its any consolation, i think its for the best since you wouldn't want to be with the kind of woman that she is.....
Life is too short to waste our time and emotions to undeserving and unworthy people who bother not to reciprocate our genuine affection....
and if i were you, i won't mourn nor feel sad about loosing her, she's not worth your tears and grief......Its her loss, not yours.

[somebody]

HI SEB Sophie writes it far better than I could it sounds like what I have seen in many walks of life and nothing was your fault at all. Her close friend she misses she has been introducded to this Danish chap who will be "talked up" by her friend for her friends own reasons possibly..

SEB life is never easy I have to say in the short time you have been a great member of this family and from reading your posts regardless of what happens with Suzie one thing is for sure a Lady from whatever background would be very priviliged to have you as a Husband:xxgrinning--00xx3:

I know the start of the year has not gone off quite as you were hoping in the late part of 2009 but I have a feeling it is going to get far better Sir:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[triple5]

I know the start of the year has not gone off quite as you were hoping in the late part of 2009 but I have a feeling it is going to get far better Sir


I'd go along with that :xxgrinning--00xx3: It's only natural that you'll lose a bit of sleep while you pick over the bones of whats happened, but you'll come out of it a lot wiser.

Even though I said previously you have to be quick if you meet a good filipina, you were also right to take your time. It would have been a big mistake to go on and marry the girl. Be thankful you got out while you did. I was strung along a lot longer than you and it cost a lot more :icon_lol: But no regrets :)

SEB there's a lot of simlarities between your story and mine, which I posted about this same time last year. A lots happened in that year. My train wreck turned into quite a smooth ride, because of what happened I went onto meet a goodun. Wouldnt be surprised if the same happens to you :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Arthur Little]

I think it doesnt end there, wait till she meet the danish guy. If she is not attracted to him, I have a feeling that she will communicate with you again :rolleyes:

:)

But it SHOULD end there, Jam! If Tim values his self-respect, he'll make it crystal clear to Suzie that he's not prepared to "play second fiddle" to some other guy she [purportedly] hasn't even met yet. :NoNo:

And then he will tell her (none too politely, I hope!) to "sling her hook" ... and "get lost! :Rasp:

Sorry to be so blunt; I rest my case. :ARsurrender:

[Arthur Little]

I have to say in the short time you have been a great member of this family and from reading your posts regardless of what happens with Suzie one thing is for sure a Lady from whatever background would be very priviliged to have you as a Husband:xxgrinning--00xx3:

... :iagree:!

[jam07]

But it SHOULD end there, Jam! If Tim values his self-respect, he'll make it crystal clear to Suzie that he's not prepared to "play second fiddle" to some other guy she [purportedly] hasn't even met yet. :NoNo:

And then he will tell her (none too politely, I hope!) to "sling her hook" ... and "get lost! :Rasp:

Sorry to be so blunt; I rest my case. :ARsurrender:

I know that it should and it must end there kuya arthur :). But there are people who are rude enough to use someone as their 'rebound guy'. I hope she will not do that to Tim as he has been treated unfairly enough. But I know Tim is smart enough not to fall into that kind of trick. :) :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[South-east boy]

Well, another update! Sorry for the essay here!

I saw her pop up on yahoo and as I wanted more answers to questions or I would always be wondering, we started chatting. She said that no matter how much she tries to like me or love me, she really can't and doesn't know why. I said you don't even like me?! She said that I'm really a nice person, but she doesn't like me as a man. :cwm24:

She said that she has been learning Danish for 2 weeks, but isn't 2 weeks a few days before she said that she had first ever heard about him?! I said that you need time to get to know someone properly. She said that is my opinion and nothing is impossible. I said that a week or two isn't enough time to get to know someone properly that you know nothing about and she said that she doesn't care about that. I said what if you don't like him or don't get on? He could turn out to be not so nice, or you are not compatible? She said, I don't think so. Then she said that a beautiful woman like me won't be admired by many men? I said that not everything is based on looks, you have to be compatible and get on + you did say before that you don't want someone to want you just because of how I look. She said I know, i have great inner and outer beauty Tim.

Later I said, I don't get why you never mentioned about us being 'just' friends earlier, why only just now? She said that she noticed that I called often when she was away in the provinces after Christmas. I said, I always called her, texted her and emailed her, not just suddenly then. I said all the things about why I thought she thought of me as more than a friend and about when we blew kisses etc on the webcam. Also that I thought that if she only thought of me as a friend, then she would have not said things that could easily be taken as to mean more than that and she said that was how she was with friends who are close to her, that she thought that she knew that we were just friends and that's she blows kisses with friends. I said why did you only ask just now if I was seeing anyone or getting on well with someone as surely friends would do? She said that she would only ask a boyfriend that. I also said about when I was worried about her looking so good with the new make-up and having guys after her-why would I say that if I only thought of her as a friend? She said that she hadn't thought about that. She said that the kisses in emails and texts were just mail and that we didn't do it for real.

I said would I have done all that I did if you were just a friend? I said with a friend abroad that I hadn't known long, I would have sent cards and maybe a small present, but that's all. I said that I had gone without things myself to so I could do what I did for her and I did all I could. She said that now she knows my true colours, same with her ex fiance, that she is happy that we are just plain friends!

Then I asked if she had met the Danish guy and she said yes! She said he knows about me and is sorry. She said that she is happily taken by him, sorry for everything. He spent the new year with her family and stayed in their house (If I knew that, I could have gone to see her sooner, as I thought that I would need to stay in a hotel so would need more money). She still said that they hadn't chatted before he went. I said what if I had done to see you before? She said that she thinks it would have worked, but it's too late now and that she has found the love of her life (after just one week or knowing him!). She then said that she is planning to get engaged this coming July and that he will go back to meet her & her family. She also said that she talked to his mother and she told her that she has to take care of her son. Of course during this she said sorry lots of times etc. I said so what she said about the phone and internet problems wasn't the truth? She said that it was, but after finding out that she was seeing him etc, I don't buy that, speically how she has been singing in & out on yahoo 'I'm mobile' for the last few days.

So basically it was as he went first and if they hadn't got on, she didn't like him etc, she would have been back to me. This is now the 2nd time that she is got engaged on the first meeting and I think that whoever went out, she would get engaged to!

[triple5]

She doesn't like you as a man :Erm: Hmm, that's quite a leap from...

From the bottom of my heart, I want to say this. You're one of a kind.You truly make me happy. I really don't know how to repay you.To tell you honestly, I sometimes get so emotional whenever I receive your text on my phone and your mails on my yahoo because you truly care about me and I thought of you are protecting me and care me especially my father isn't with us now. As I was typing this mail, I just couldn't stop my tears from falling. I've been looking for someone for all my life, who knows how to take care of me and my family and show his love to us unconditionally. I really don't know and don't understand why women in your country don't see your being you as a real man with a heart of gold and has a lot of patience from waiting from my mail. Hehehe...Thank you so much for always being there for me and I really appreciate and admire it from you the most. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for being real to me as I am to you..

I guess you can call me tonight at 11:00 to 11:30 at night my time. Hehehe...I miss you so much. Take care and God bless you! Hugs and kisses...smile!!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

If it were me I'd personally feel like I'd been scammed (manipulated at best), and would tell her so. I don't condone blackmail, but it would be a shame to see her profile turn up on http://www.dragonladies.org/ if you didn't get your money back :rolleyes:

[TomThumb]

Hi South-east boy.
My advice to you would be not to contact her again. It would only upset you more and delay the process of your getting over her. Maybe you could force her to admit that she lied to you or treated you badly, but I don't think that there is any way that you will get her to change her mind about her relationship with you. So, I don't think you have anything to gain by it. Of course I realise that someone's advice has very little power when compared to romantic feelings, so I quite expect you talk to her again.
Another point against keeping in contact is that if you do, at some point she will probably refuse to talk to you again (but for good this time), and that will just cause you more pain.
She may have great outer beauty. I don't know. But inwardly, she is not beautiful, whatever she thinks. I think you are lucky that you didn't go out. As you imply, it might have been you that married her then, and I think in the long term, her true nature would have made you unhappy.
It is strange that this kind of thing happens repeatedly to you. As everyone else has said, you seem like a nice guy, and you deserve much better. Is it possible that it isn't just a coincidence somehow? Is there some behaviour of yours that might have led to it. Maybe embarking on long distance relationships without a definite timescale to be able to live near each other?
I've learned from bitter experience that when you are dumped, it seems very important to find out the reason from the dumper, but that there is nothing that they can say that will help you. The best policy is cut off all contact with them, at least until you are over them emotionally, and if they have treated you badly (as she has), then forever. I know that there is a 95% chance that you won't follow this advice, but I think it is good, so I have to give it.
It is true that at some point she might come back to you if it doesn't work out with her current victim. You need to work on being enough over her that you can tell her where to go. I agree with what Jam said
'NO! i would be if i take her back...'. I can't cut and paste smilies, but they were spot on.

[South-east boy]

HI SEB Sophie writes it far better than I could it sounds like what I have seen in many walks of life and nothing was your fault at all. Her close friend she misses she has been introducded to this Danish chap who will be "talked up" by her friend for her friends own reasons possibly..

SEB life is never easy I have to say in the short time you have been a great member of this family and from reading your posts regardless of what happens with Suzie one thing is for sure a Lady from whatever background would be very priviliged to have you as a Husband:xxgrinning--00xx3:

I know the start of the year has not gone off quite as you were hoping in the late part of 2009 but I have a feeling it is going to get far better Sir:xxgrinning--00xx3:


Thanks for that, I appreciate it. :xxgrinning--00xx3: Yes, Sophie did write that well and what she and I thought turned out to be correct that she had in fact met the Danish guy when I was having trouble getting hold of her. Yes, I do hope that it gets better and that's now the last 2 ends of the years and starts of the next that haven't been good for me! :NoNo:

[South-east boy]

Hello tim, i'm sorry for what happened, i know how much it must have hurt you but for what it's worth, atleast now you know the truth and no longer left in the dark wondering.....

I don't want to play devil's advocate but i got a strong feeling she already met this danish guy, i suspect that guy was over there the entire 12 days you cannot get hold of her.
And i don't believe her claims either that she's not in contact with any other guys but you. She must be chatting to this guy thesame time she's chatting with you.
And she must have lied to you about it since it will just put you off if you find out. She obviously kept her options open.
And when this danish guy decided to go there and visit her, she still did not tell you about him, she probably figured that if it doesn't work out with this guy, she still got you....

And now that she could have already met this guy and it went well, that's when she finally decided to ditch you and all of a sudden came up with claims about you as
being "just friends" and nothing special between you two, when she was quite sweet with her messages to you before which is certainly not in a "friendship" kind of way,
not to mention happily accepting all the presents you sent for her and her family without any hesitation or reluctance.
And looks like she's sticking to her previous story up to now that she's never been in contact with any other guy, to probably save her face and not admit she's a big liar.....

It's quite far fetched that this danish guy, who she claims as a total stranger and who she never chatted to nor she ever seen in photos,
suddenly decided to meet her next week and just like that, she made up her mind over this guy? I don't think so and i don't buy it.
She obviously met and have been with this guy already for her to make up her mind and be deadset on this danish guy and get rid of you just like that
after everything you had before and after all the nice things you've done for her....

She's not right for you and if its any consolation, i think its for the best since you wouldn't want to be with the kind of woman that she is.....
Life is too short to waste our time and emotions to undeserving and unworthy people who bother not to reciprocate our genuine affection....
and if i were you, i won't mourn nor feel sad about loosing her, she's not worth your tears and grief......Its her loss, not yours.

Thanks Sophie, you are very good with words :xxgrinning--00xx3: Yes yours and my suspiscions were correct as it turns out. One of the first things that I said was that I hope that she is not seeing another guy. :doh

[liane]

Tim, you should stop communicating with her, the more you chat with her the more she will hurt you :NoNo:. She will always justify her actions and she believed that she did nothing wrong ( trying to have a clean conscience???). Try to see it on a bright side, you're lucky that you did not end up with her, she's a good storyteller :crazy:
In time you will find someone who will love you sincerely. You deserve someone far more better than her.

[South-east boy]

Hi South-east boy.
My advice to you would be not to contact her again. It would only upset you more and delay the process of your getting over her. Maybe you could force her to admit that she lied to you or treated you badly, but I don't think that there is any way that you will get her to change her mind about her relationship with you. So, I don't think you have anything to gain by it. Of course I realise that someone's advice has very little power when compared to romantic feelings, so I quite expect you talk to her again.
Another point against keeping in contact is that if you do, at some point she will probably refuse to talk to you again (but for good this time), and that will just cause you more pain.
She may have great outer beauty. I don't know. But inwardly, she is not beautiful, whatever she thinks. I think you are lucky that you didn't go out. As you imply, it might have been you that married her then, and I think in the long term, her true nature would have made you unhappy.
It is strange that this kind of thing happens repeatedly to you. As everyone else has said, you seem like a nice guy, and you deserve much better. Is it possible that it isn't just a coincidence somehow? Is there some behaviour of yours that might have led to it. Maybe embarking on long distance relationships without a definite timescale to be able to live near each other?
I've learned from bitter experience that when you are dumped, it seems very important to find out the reason from the dumper, but that there is nothing that they can say that will help you. The best policy is cut off all contact with them, at least until you are over them emotionally, and if they have treated you badly (as she has), then forever. I know that there is a 95% chance that you won't follow this advice, but I think it is good, so I have to give it.
It is true that at some point she might come back to you if it doesn't work out with her current victim. You need to work on being enough over her that you can tell her where to go. I agree with what Jam said
'NO! i would be if i take her back...'. I can't cut and paste smilies, but they were spot on.

I don't really have much inclination to talk to her now, I might possibly, but not for long as there isn't much more to say and I shall just be nice as I don't like things ending on bad terms or bad words + I want them to remember me for being nice the whole time instead of ending up bitter.

I wouldn't say that his happened time & time again, but yes I've had lots of bad luck in trying to meet someone. I've been on various dating sites on & off over the last 7 years and do get tired of it all sometimes, being messed about and all the time that I have put in. I find it quite hard once it's finished to start over all again as you get to know them and their family etc quite well then there's nothing once it ends. They are not really the way that I want to meet someone, but when you don't get many opportunities through work and most friends are coupled up or do shift work etc, then it's not easy.

With the previous LDR, well that was in France and was about 10 years ago, but being France there would have been no problems with Visas and seeing each other like with someone in PI. I have no clue as to why she disappeared - maybe she met someone else? Who knows?

With the last relationship with the Filipina from London, well it wasn't exactly a relationship, but I thought it was as we behaved like a couple phoning each other everyday and when together. It messed me up quite a bit at the time as I thought that we had a relationship, then every so often she would say for me to find someone else because of her problems. Then she would say about other guys after her including her ex etc, then she said we were a couple, then she wanted to go back to before. Later on I think she was saying various things as ways to finish it. It hurt as it started so well and I tried to help her all I could and again, I don't know what else I could have done. Then later she ended it, it hurt lots more several weeks later after saying that she just didn't want a relationship with anyone that she was seeing another guy, then later said that she was in love with him which she never said to me after a longer period of time.


Can I just say :68711_thanx: so much to everyone that has posted here to help me and offer their advice & views as it has helped me greatly. :xxgrinning--00xx3: I hope that I can give you some happy news in the not too distant future and I just hope the saying that the best things come to those who wait comes true for me! :)

[South-east boy]

I just had a quick look-up about Denmark. It won't be too easy for her as firstly she will have to learn a new language, as although most will speak English, if you're living there you'll need to know the language. I wouldn't think would be easy learning Danish in Phils and although you might be able to read a little after learning and be able to ask certain things, when you ask someone something and you get a quick reply in that language with words that you might not be expecting, it's a totally different ball game! Not sure how it affects the Visa if you can't speak the language?

These are the monthly average temperatures:
JANUARY = 0C
FEBRUARY = 0C
MARCH = 1C
APRIL = 6C
MAY = 11C
JUNE = 15C
JULY = 17C
AUGUST = 17C
SEPTEMBER = 13C
OCTOBER = 9C
NOVEMBER = 4C
DECEMBER = 1C

So it's a lot colder than here and the warmest months of July and August are only 17C!

It is also one of the mostly expensive countries to live in in the world and anything you earn, you lose about 45% of it to tax and the VAT is 25%! :omg:

[maria_and_matt]

hey SEB, you seem to be a very good genuine person as far as suzie well all i can say is KARMA!
good things happen to good people, and bad things will happen to girls who leads a guy on! hate women like that!

[South-east boy]

I only just thought that if I had sent the parcel for her Birthday and Christmas stuff by Balikbayan box, it wouldn't have arrived by now, so with what's just happened I wouldn't have been happy with her receiving all the presents! I don't know if I would have been able to get a message to the balikbayan senders to return it to me, but I guess also Suzie could have carried on as normal and only say about the Danish guy after it had arrived!

[South-east boy]

Just got that virus message thing from her on Yahoo. She now has a new profile pic of her cuddling up to the Danish guy! That status message that I didn't get time to read last Wednesday 'Jeg elsker dig skat' is Danish and it means 'I love you darling' which it says by her pic.

[triple5]

Delete her from your list, that way you don't have to see that stuff and be reminded. And to avoid getting the virus.

[Dedworth]

Delete her from your list, that way you don't have to see that stuff and be reminded. And to avoid getting the virus.


Sound advice

[Doc Alan]

Delete her from your list, that way you don't have to see that stuff and be reminded. And to avoid getting the virus.

Completely agree. Not only delete but also block. When you're online put your setting to "invisible" but anyone who's blocked can't contact you anyway. So easy to do when it's justified as here.

[bornatbirth]

why?, what did she do wrong.

if i was chatting to her, i would of been there a week later...you did see her photos?

after waiting 7 month' for southeastboy she thought this was going nowhere and the first man to go and see her, got her!, seems simple to me :Erm:

[Sophie]

Completely agree. Not only delete but also block. When you're online put your setting to "invisible" but anyone who's blocked can't contact you anyway. So easy to do when it's justified as here.

I totally agree with you alan, i would advise thesame thing :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Arthur Little]

She now has a new profile *pic of her cuddling up to the Danish guy! That status message that I didn't get time to read last Wednesday 'Jeg elsker dig skat' is Danish and it means 'I love you darling' which it says by her pic.

:omg: ... *that says it all! It shows EXACTLY the kind of woman she really IS! :doh ... you're well-rid of her, believe me, Tim!

[South-east boy]

why?, what did she do wrong.

if i was chatting to her, i would of been there a week later...you did see her photos?

after waiting 7 month' for southeastboy she thought this was going nowhere and the first man to go and see her, got her!, seems simple to me :Erm:


Maybe you haven't read everything? :Erm: So you think that she did nothing wrong and everything was my fault? Would you have felt happy if you thought everything was going well and you spent a lot of time, thought and money over the last few months on them, only to find out that they had been lying and saw someone else behind your back and accepted them straight away? :rolleyes:

As I've said before it's easy to go and see her soon if you have the money to do that and the recession hasn't affected you. Maybe you might go and see a girl just from chatting to her, without getting any strong feelings, but it's a lot of money to me and I would only go if I know that they feel strongly for me and me with her. I won't just go to the other side of the world, just because she is good-looking. Yes, I felt for her and I thought that she did with me, but you hear of people on this forum chatting everyday and their girls waking early or whatever so they have time to chat. Sometimes I didn't hear hardly anything from her for a couple of weeks or so. Yes, it was true that she had brothers & sisters using the home PC, but couldn't she have gone to bed a little later or woken up earlier to find time? There are internet cafes too. If you feel that strongly for someone then you make that extra effort to keep in contact. I always kept in contact with her and I thought that all the extra effort that I was making over the last couple of months would bring us closer together.

She never asked me when I was coming, or pressed me for a date, so I didn't know that she was in such a rush and thought that she was happy with it. She is 25, not 37+, so not like she is ending up on the shelf. I said to her my situation and she also contacted me in the first place and I did say that I was looking for someone over here. I did not know what the future would hold and of course did not know how badly the recession would affect the company that I work for, therefor reducing my earnings greatly. I would think if they feel that much for you they would wait (not forever obviously) and ask when I would be coming. Not everyone on this forum has rushed over to see their girls in just a month or two and their girls have waited. I have not been on this forum long, so I had no clue as to how quick any guy goes over to see his girl over there. She also knew that I was sending her things for Birthday and Christmas + asked for make-up. She never said don't send anything, put it towards a flight to see me instead. With what I spent on the birthday and Christmas gifts, courier & VAT/customs charges and if I'd known that I could have stayed with her family, then I could have done it. :doh

I was planning on seeing her this year if things continued to go well and we were getting closer, but of course would need to get the money together. It would have been easier for me to have gone to see her sooner, if I knew that I would be staying there with her like the Danish guy did, but as her family is big, I thought I'd need to stay in a hotel, so even more money and the trip being harder to afford and longer away. I would have thought what I did for her and her family wouldn't have meant something but it seems it didn't. :NoNo: the only thing I didn't do was go and see her and it seems that that was the only thing that mattered to her, but how was I to know?

But as I've said before, I want someone to want me, because of how I am as a person, that they genuinely love me not because I was the first guy to go out & see them, they can get married and leave for another country. Maybe you don't mind someone wanting you for that, but I want more than that. Can you really be in love with the love of your life who is someone who was a stranger just a few days ago? :Erm:

[bornatbirth]

i never said it was your fault.

i suspect she was chatting to other guys as well as you and never lost contact with you and the other guys, just in case she didnt like them and could fall back on the other guys, it may not seem nice but chatting to guy's for several month's for nothing to happen....it's first come..first served.

if you start chatting to a filipina, then you take the responsibility to pay for everything, if you can't afford to go and see her and need to wait and save up first then i guess there's not much you can do about that.

why beat yourself up over her, forget her and have a long think about the type of girl you would like to meet.

until you meet a filipina and become bf/gf don't give her anything.

[South-east boy]

i never said it was your fault.

i suspect she was chatting to other guys as well as you and never lost contact with you and the other guys, just in case she didnt like them and could fall back on the other guys, it may not seem nice but chatting to guy's for several month's for nothing to happen....it's first come..first served.

if you start chatting to a filipina, then you take the responsibility to pay for everything, if you can't afford to go and see her and need to wait and save up first then i guess there's not much you can do about that.

why beat yourself up over her, forget her and have a long think about the type of girl you would like to meet.

until you meet a filipina and become bf/gf don't give her anything.

She did say that she wasn't in contact with any other guys which is another reason why I thought that she was ok with everything, but well she has lied just recently, so maybe she wasn't telling the truth? I know she hadn't been back on the dating site where I met her, but of course could have been on others if she hadn't been telling me the truth.

Like I said before, I didn't intend on spending all that on her, and I thought that with her receiving a fair few presents, it would be hard on her brothers and sisters with nothing, so that and it being their first Christmas without her Dad was why I sent Christmas things for the family, especially her mum. It was only when I had to work out the value of what I was sending for the courier & customs that I realised what I had spent. :doh As I bought bits now & again, I hadn't noticed it so much. :rolleyes: The courier and customs/VAT charges came to £170! :omg: I won't be making that mistake again of sending things that way or spending that much on someone that I haven't met! Lesson learned! I thought that she would have thought of me more than someone that she was just in contact with what I just mentioned and with getting the phone cards to phoning her, getting the extra mobile phone with roaming smart sim so she could text me cheaply and sending smart loads to her mobile. Would I have done those things if I wasn't that interested in her?

I know the type of girl I want, but it isn't easy to find them and even when I sometimes think I have, they then turn out to be not so honest or nice as I thought they were. :NoNo:

[bornatbirth]

before i met my wife, i chatted to many women and a few would do the same as suzie incase the guy's arn't really interested in them.

after being married to my wife, you start to realise how filipinas think and how they would do thing's.

i know you feel gutted and foolish but at least you now know, she's not for you.

and go and find a nice one :D

btw if you like her don't wait so long!

[eagles]

Love is such a magical moment.. When you are destined to be one- heaven or hell paves a way for you to be together.

When a door closes.. windows open.. SO its time for you my friend to move on.. Plenty of Fishes...