Going Public: The reality

[Northerner]

Well after 7 months of online dating, 3 weeks in the Philippines, and a few spats here and there:cwm3:. I have finally broken the old chestnut of telling my family about Rizza (Well, one of my sisters, but te word will have spread within the first few minutes of letting her know:76:) Told my friend John about Rizza and now they're friends on facebook, with my sister requesting Rizza befriend her (facebook geeks:doh)

And all of a sudden I am wondering why I was so bothered or afraid to "come out" before? I said to my sister, no need to give me any lectures or anything and please don't give me any s:censored:t, and her reply was "Just be careful! There, now you're told"... But otherwise she is okay with the idea, she has known for years that I was always attracted to Asian ladies, so I guess there is no big surprise. :rolleyes:

So now there is everyone else left to tell, but I guess they are kind of unimportant enough to wait till they find out for themselves. But officially, I have no secrets any more...


:ARsurrender:

[Steve.r]

Well Northerner, I hope you feel a lot better about everything now. I am not sure why you left it so long..... your mahal looks beautiful and you have always posted about her with passion in your heart, so why hide it.

My father also just said go careful,but now my parents both love Charie and are happy to see me so happy again.

Shout it from the hills my friend :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Northerner]

I guess my reasoning for being quiet, was the comments made by some people in work when I said I was going on holiday to the Philippines. Everyone just assumed I was a sex tourist:NoNo:

And a lady (who is now my manager:cwm24:) asked if I was going to "buy a wife".. So I guess it was people like that I was avoiding the question and answers session with.

[triple5]

I wish I'd never bothered :doh Never had one positive comment. Of course they all think she's after the visa or the money, or because I'm not capable of finding a good english girl :icon_lol:

[Northerner]

I wish I'd never bothered :doh Never had one positive comment. Of course they all think she's after the visa or the money, or because I'm not capable of finding a good english girl :icon_lol:

The area of Manchester where I am originally from, and where all of my family live (roughly) is called Stretford. You may know of it as the supposed area where the characters in the TV series "Shameless" are based (although that is not actually filmed in Stretford).

And yes, there are many people I know who are like those people from out of Shameless, some of whom are friends and neighbours of my sisters:D

So, when it comes to "Good, English Girls" within my families surroundings, they are few and far between.

But if I wanted to settle down with a woman whose ambition in life was to appear on the Jeremy Kyle show, I could be well in:D:D

[South-east boy]

Glad it went well, as I know different people can react differently. :)

I didn't tell everyone about Suzie as I knew/imagined what some people would say (and of course with what happened it was maybe better that I hadn't!). But when you get that serious about them and you have decided that they are the one for you, then you will have to tell friends and family. Hopefully the reactions will be good, but of course you'll have to be prepared for the odd one that is not quite as you wish. In time though, hopefully everyone will be happy for you! :)

[Sim11UK]

I know you had your reasons, but I'm glad for you now.
Better all out in the open.

As for me, I never felt the need to hide anything...I guess I'm just at the point in my life, when I don't really care what anyone else thinks.
I can prove any doubter wrong & I've made the best decision in my life, though maybe not the easiest route, but wouldn't change a thing. :)

I'm with SteveR....shout it from the rooftops. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevewool]

great news we are all afraid of being called and making fun off , but life is great for all of us on this site , i love my emma and she loves me , cannot wait to marry her

[Northerner]

I'm not quite the shout from the rooftops kind of guy... But, yeah. When I stop and think about it, I am lucky with Rizza:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Sim11UK]

I'm not quite the shout from the rooftops kind of guy... But, yeah. When I stop and think about it, I am lucky with Rizza:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Well no I'm not too & I guess we'd get arrested if we did it literally :D....but the longer we leave it, the harder it becomes......thanks :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Steve.r]

...I guess I'm just at the point in my life, when I don't really care what anyone else thinks.


Exactly Sim,

I'm afraid I think of me first these days, who cares what others think. We have all made decisions on this forum to be with somebody we have found to be attractive and one we have fallen in love with. Why 'make do' in a realtionship.....I made that mistake before. Now I follow my heart, I found my Mahal and I have not looked back since.

Northerner, I understand now why you were a little hesitant, but be sure in the fact that you and Rizza have found happiness together, stuff what others think, it's your life buddy. Grab it and run!!

[joebloggs]

I wish I'd never bothered :doh Never had one positive comment. Of course they all think she's after the visa or the money, or because I'm not capable of finding a good english girl :icon_lol:

:icon_lol: i've heard that and more :icon_lol:

when i use to tell people my misses was from the phils, the reaction from some :crazy: people was, you get wink,wink - how much did i pay for her, how old is she, is she after a uk passport, did i meet her in a lap dancing bar :76: :76: :76: :NoNo:

no point in trying to educate the shameless dimwits :crazy: you should know that northerner :D

now if anyone asks me where's me misses from , sometimes i say an island called Palawan in the South China Sea, and people go :Hellooo: , their reaction is positive and not the neg one you get from some people because of the media taking the :piss2: out of filipina's

Simon your right thou. but i need my job, and i'd end up :cwm3: someone :icon_lol: if i keep hearing :76: the :censored: people say about the phils and filipina's

[bornatbirth]

going public, when i read that i wasn't sure should i read this thread :D

thankfully my family weren't that bother when i told my family and after meeting her, they all like her! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

btw do familie's like shamless really exist :Erm:

[Doc Alan]

Thanks so much for this thread, and all the posts which have followed:) Maybe I've worried too much about what people might think and say. This has reminded me I'm not alone :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

btw do familie's like shamless really exist :Erm:

yes they do i know some and work with some :doh

:icon_lol:

[Northerner]

Thanks so much for this thread, and all the posts which have followed:) Maybe I've worried too much about what people might think and say. This has reminded me I'm not alone :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I started a thread a good so many month ago about this. As at that time I was worried mainly about what people would say (and I think you understand that, as many here do too).

I think it takes a while to be comfortable with having to discuss stuff like this with people in the UK. I have gone over the sly retorts in my head, ready to fend off or simply insult the people who gave me negative comments. But then, I think I have finally come to think less off that. After all, I do not pass on comment to workmates about their other half, to do so would be rude. And if they do so to me, then I will be rude back to them. End of conversation!

Besides, like others have reminded me. Rizza is a Beautiful woman (inside and outside). I should be proud of that:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

Besides, like others have reminded me. Rizza is a Beautiful woman (inside and outside). I should be proud of that:xxgrinning--00xx3:

:xxgrinning--00xx3:
i know my misses is proud to be a filipina :xxgrinning--00xx3:
i try to just ignore the :Cuckoo::Rasp: now :rolleyes:
but they just need educating about the phils, and what better way to do that, but going and seeing for themselves :D

[Northerner]

yes they do i know some and work with some :doh

:icon_lol:

Pffft.. I have too many stories about families like that... There is one woman I know of (and am sort of related too:NoNo:) who has 10 children by 2 different fathers. Her parenting skils consisted of telling all her kids to ":censored: off out the house and don't come back till tea time".

So.....

One of her sons is a Murderer (who got away with it on a technicality).
One of her sons is a child molester (to his step daughter).
One of her sons met her daughters molester the day he got out of prison (for said sexual assault), to take him to the pub on his release. This same person, years later held his then girlfriend prisoner and raped her over a period of a few days. She was too afraid to tell the Police, but her mother (who was also her boyfriends boss) fired him... And he felt like he had been hard done by!
One of her daughters married a Muslim man and converted, and had a better life. After seeing this, another of her sisters also converted despite have 3 children by different fathers. And then made up stories of "Racial hatred" because she was a Muslim, simply to get a better council house (front page of the Manchester Evening News and she got the house:Erm:).

Okay... I am straying from the topic, but yeah.. People like those out of Shameless exist, and multiply by the tens...

[Northerner]

... Duplicate

[joebloggs]

Pffft.. I have too many stories about families like that... There is one woman I know of (and am sort of related to:NoNo:) who has 10 children by 2 different fathers. Her parenting skils consisted of telling all her kids to ":censored: off out the house and don't come back till tea time".

So.....

One of her sons is a Murderer (who got away with it on a technicality).
One of her sons is a child molester (to his step daughter).
One of her sons met her daughters molester the day he got out of prison (for said sexual assault), to take him to the pub on his release. This same person, years later held his then girlfriend prisoner and raped her over a period of a few days. She was too afraid to tell the Police, but her mother (who was also her boyfriends boss) fired him... And he felt like he had been hard done by!
One of her daughters married a Muslim man and converted, and had a better life. After seeing this, another of her sisters also converted despite have 3 children by different fathers. And then made up stories of "Racial hatred" because she was a Muslim, simply to get a better council house (front page of the Manchester Evening News and she got the house:Erm:).

Okay... I am straying from the topic, but yeah.. People like those out of Shameless exist, and multiply by the tens...

:yikes: and i thought i had problems :icon_lol:
just shows you, there is always someone worse off than yourself :rolleyes:
you've cheered me up :rolleyes:

[Northerner]

.. duplicate.. Slow PC

[john sergison]

hello northerner i am john from wigan

yes mate all the comments had been said to me at the start of me meeting alona my wife.

some people are ignorant , some uneducated and some just jealous.

alona has been here 3 years now and everyone loves her to bits.

and now the jealous ones are really jealous haha.

treat her right and you will never regret meeting her.

take care

john

[laurel]

As for me, I never felt the need to hide anything...I guess I'm just at the point in my life, when I don't really care what anyone else thinks.
I can prove any doubter wrong & I've made the best decision in my life, though maybe not the easiest route, but wouldn't change a thing.

I'm with SteveR....shout it from the rooftops.


Totally agree:)

[laurel]

Exactly Sim,

I'm afraid I think of me first these days, who cares what others think. We have all made decisions on this forum to be with somebody we have found to be attractive and one we have fallen in love with. Why 'make do' in a realtionship.....I made that mistake before. Now I follow my heart, I found my Mahal and I have not looked back since.

Northerner, I understand now why you were a little hesitant, but be sure in the fact that you and Rizza have found happiness together, stuff what others think, it's your life buddy. Grab it and run!!

Once again spot on, i recognise like im sure many others do exactly what your saying.
Good luck to all who are on 'this' path:)

[Steve.r]

Once again spot on, i recognise like im sure many others do exactly what your saying.
Good luck to all who are on 'this' path:)

Thanks laurel :)

[IainBusby]

But if I wanted to settle down with a woman whose ambition in life was to appear on the Jeremy Kyle show, I could be well in:D:D :icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[Sim11UK]

And so say all of us. :)

[adam&chryss]

Havnt told anyone yet. They still think shes the cleaner.......................

[Northerner]

Havnt told anyone yet. They still think shes the cleaner.......................

:yikes::D:D:D:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[keithAngel]

Havnt told anyone yet. They still think shes the cleaner.......................

New thought .........."She fell of the back of a lorry":doh

[jackmac452]

Hi Northerner, I told my mates about Nisa and got the usual "She's only after your money" comments. Now 2 and a Half years later...3 of them now have Filipino girlfriends and another has just got married to one.. I always told anyone who had similar comments to the above. "to go kiss my a**e" I'm proud of my missus, I would Never ever want to go back to an English lady, at my age, they are all made up, fat and still expecting the world of whoever they go out with. (well the one's I got off with were..hehehe) Living here now for a little while, I understand how so many Western men marry Filipino's....they are so..what ever us men want from a partner...wouldn't swap mine for anythiong (well maybe an Audi 5) Don't bother what other people think or say..your the one who WILL spend the rest of your life with her. By the way, just downloaded the whole 6 series of "Shameless" absolutley Brilliant. I now have a new hero to add to my list of (Mr. Gallagher)..Homer Simpson, Rab C Nesbitt and Chubby Brown. The people who watch Chubby in Limasawa on our Tv, think he's so funny...maybe one day they will want to ask me what he's talking about......hehehe.

[Northerner]

Still just coming round to the idea that everything is out in the open. And kind of cool with it at that:xxgrinning--00xx3:

And of course we are now more relaxed with our relationship. We know it is for the long haul and are not so much in a hurry to get a visa just yet, that time will come. Until then, just enjoying what we have.

:luv4::luv4::love::love18::luv13::football3::football3::football3:

[Piamed]

when i used to tell people my misses was from the phils, the reaction from some :crazy: people was, you get wink,wink - how much did i pay for her, how old is she ........no point in trying to educate the shameless dimwits :crazy: you should know that northerner :D


I must admit i hate the fact that people feel the right to ask more personal questions as a result of where Pia is from. I like the 'island in the South China sea approach. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Gavanddal]

I had a few bitchy comments when I first met Daryl Lynn and planned to bring her to the UK. It was usually from my ex-wife.
I just called her a racist and that shut her up!

[Scouse]

I had a few 'did you bring her over?' questions. They were more embarassed when I told them we met in my local pub.

Anyway the internet is just another way of meeting someone, no worse or better than in work or in a bar or nightclub.

[Queenbee]

shout it out northerner!be proud!ma life has been so open at FB though FB is not my life...WHo cares!!!Live your life tha Way u Want and Love the life you live,,,,

[Queenbee]

I had a few bitchy comments when I first met Daryl Lynn and planned to bring her to the UK. It was usually from my ex-wife.
I just called her a racist and that shut her up!

nyahahha!i so :censored: hate racists!i hope the jst :censored: off!

[HopeUK]

I realise that I may not exactly be as yet qualified to speak to this point with my ‘fledgling relationship’ (for those reading this without the back story, I’m going to meet my Filipina for the first time this April), but I felt moved to chip in a little with support regarding the good attitudes I have read in this posting..

I was recently reminded by a good friend that I should feel proud for taking life ‘by the horns’ and reaching for what I felt inside. So many people (and many of these will be the oft-mentioned 'doubters and ignorants' in this post I’m sure) live their lives by other people’s rules and expectations. Time and again, for quite a few reasons I've failed to 'seize the day' in my personal life, and I have to admit it has often been due to a lack of personal fortitude - not worrying about what others thought, but more just by being plain shy. At 38 years old I could quite easily look at my life to this point and be ashamed for losing out on so much time, but since having connected with my Filipina I have come to realise that the timing is actually perfect. Maybe all the relationships of the past have actually been 'building' to this point? Friends I have known over the years have always known me to have a respect for love, but right now I have to say that I feel I can really appreciate the true scale of the possible love I may now have, and agree with you all in the attitude that I wouldn’t change a thing. In spite of the stresses wrought by LDR’s, I really do believe it ultimately makes for a much more rewarding relationship. I’m sure the doubters would be horrified by the idea of removing the 'sooner than is usually wise' ritual sex aspect from a new boyfriend/girlfriend encounter – for me I think it has only strengthened it. Through all the emotional up's and down's, I have experienced some remarkable feelings over the course of our friendship turned relationship, enough to make me question whether I have ever really felt true love before now.

‘Northerner’ – best of luck to you and your Filipina in your relationship my friend! In fact best of luck to us all! May wisdom settle on those less fortunate, wherever life may take them. Peace! :)

[aposhark]

:Hellooo: That's a fine post HopeUK :)

Like Northerner and many others using this forum you have made a decision which will change your life for the better.
Life isn't a rehearsal and the moments you will ultimately share with your new love will make all of the waiting and wondering worthwhile and in spades too.

It is the quiet times that we spend with our Mahals that are the most rewarding. A Filipina's love is never-ending and comes at you like a constant river of warmth.

There will be pitfalls on the journey and probably in life when you live together but when you look at her every day you will smile at the good fortune you are in because of the good choices you made earlier.

Best of luck to you, and indeed to all the folk separated now, but not forever :cwm12:

[laurel]

:Hellooo: That's a fine post HopeUK :)

Like Northerner and many others using this forum you have made a decision which will change your life for the better.
Life isn't a rehearsal and the moments you will ultimately share with your new love will make all of the waiting and wondering worthwhile and in spades too.

It is the quiet times that we spend with our Mahals that are the most rewarding. A Filipina's love is never-ending and comes at you like a constant river of warmth.

There will be pitfalls on the journey and probably in life when you live together but when you look at her every day you will smile at the good fortune you are in because of the good choices you made earlier.

Best of luck to you, and indeed to all the folk separated now, but not forever :cwm12:


:xxgrinning--00xx3: well said

[somebody]

I had a few 'did you bring her over?' questions. They were more embarassed when I told them we met in my local pub.

Anyway the internet is just another way of meeting someone, no worse or better than in work or in a bar or nightclub.

Im surprised how many people reveal to me, well i met my Wife/partner on the Internet or via classifieds (newspapers or magazines) even many of the broadsheets. Often many of these to the group (office, pub or social circle) imply they met by chance as in person:rolleyes:

[Englishman2010]

I'm a bit late spotting this thread Northerner, but belated congrats for coming out:icon_lol:
Personally, I don't really care what others think, I told most of my family, my friends and colleagues within a few weeks of meeting my love. I even told my wife about her:Rasp: mainly to get her to hurry up with our divorce, although that doesn't seem to have happened yet:Brick:
Sure most people looked at me as if to say 'what are you doing, you are going to get ripped off, she probably already has a husband or a boyfriend, she's only after your money or a British passport...', you know all the usual rubbish people say to all of us on here. A few people have been braver and said it to my face, and I've heard some of the behind my back comments, including those from my wife.
Like some of the others have said, we will prove them all wrong. 5 months to the day after we first met in Singapore, our relationship is still strong. Anything from an hour to 3 hours a day for 5 months on Skype, Yahoo, Google, Facebook..etc, plus 11 days with her in January and 18 more to come in April tell me that our love is genuine, and whilst i don't doubt she sees me as security, she wouldn't continue if she didn't love me first and foremost. I can also guarantee that she will cost me a lot less than my wife has, and so what? I can't take it with me when I'm gone, and after 15 years of unhappiness I am going to be happy for the rest of my life, and screw anyone whoo doesn't support me or wants to see me fall on my face:action-smiley-081:

[HopeUK]

Aposhark.. thanks for the kind words there! As we get nearer to April it is all beginning to fall into place. I have to say the experience has so far felt very 'virtual' :icon_lol: but as you say, when you get together with someone and spend real time with each other, that is the 'magic' time! Unlike the other aspects of organising a holiday, the 'shopping list' can't prepare you for how the first meeting with your love is going to feel. I think I mentioned elsewhere the feeling another person expressed on another forum when he got together with his Malaysian girlfriend after a year of chatting. He said it was the strangest feeling to meet with someone who was both a physical stranger and yet at the same time an emotional partner. I get the feeling I'm going to have similar goosebumps..

Forums are usually places for hotly-contested debate, but I think I've found the first one where through all the up's and down's, pretty much everybody considers themselves the luckiest person who ever lived! :icon_lol:

Englishman2010 - Worry not about all the naysayers eh!? We all seem to have these stresses to contend with. I suppose there will always be some measure of security from a Filipina's point of view - if the roles were reversed for the 'doubters', that would change from a 'negative' to a 'positive point of empathy' VERY QUICKLY I think! Although the west is not the haven of 'eternal utopian bliss' it may be painted as, I'm sure life is generally more calm and less extreme than many countries - we do seem to enjoy a more modest display of 'daily life' even when it's doing it's worst. There's perhaps still the interracial element too that some individuals can't get around.. the one constant spear of the masses, many of whom likey haven't tried reaching beyond their own social circle (pushed and pulled by social engineering?? oops, might have another controvertial thread there..? :icon_lol: ).

I see it like this. As Aposhark says, Life is NOT a rehearsal. There are many things we can manage perfectly well without - love ISN'T one of them. When covering the matter of my travelling halfway around the world for a 'possibility', I recall telling my mahal that love should never be passed up lightly. For me, I believe you should keep the woman you love in your heart, live and laugh in every moment, try to show her every day how much you love her - kiss and cuddle her, make her feel every bit as special as she really is (ladies, coming from an honourable man believe me when I say that try as 'we' might, if as men we are truly in love we will never manage this to our satisfaction, ever) and keep doing so, until the curtain falls..

How good a life is that!?

Peace! :)

[Florge]

sigh of relief for you then eh? .. hehehe....