homesick

[bbmick]

My wife is so emotional this morning and just cried while we were talking about her life in the Philippines and here in UK.

I noticed when I got up this morning and tried to kiss her that she is bit grumpy.
But when I come downstairs she is there already facing her laptop.
She then sat beside me and I asked why she is grumpy.
She just said coz I turn my back on her and I said that’s not true I even cuddled you this morning and she said yeah you did but after that u turn your back on me.

I still didn’t understand but I just stopped my self to ask more.
She started saying that she is bored here.
She said she has very low self esteem and thought that living here will help her gain confidence.
She said she feel so useless here and can’t even understand people most of the time.
She said Her life in Philippines is better coz even if sometimes she is alone if she gets bored she just go SM and eat Jollibee or just go out for window shopping she is happy already and she said but here I cant even ride bus on my own and cant go town on my own. So I said so why wont you and she said I am shy and worried I might not understand them.

And then she said she don’t feel good today and she feel sick and said in the Philippines if I get sick my mum looks after me but here no one looks after me coz u are working. In Philippines my mum cooks for me and no one can look after me better as much as my mum does.

I said yeah its nice that your mum pampers you and look after you when u are sick but you are adult now and u should learn to live without your mum and learn to look after your self. We raised and taught our kids here to be independent in an early age but I think that’s the way it should be coz look at you, your 26 and you cant even sleep alone coz your still scared.
And she said but we love our parents more than you do here.
You don’t even want to live with your mum and then she started crying.
I asked her why are you crying she said coz I am bored here and while I am talking to her she is just quite and listening but when I looked at her face she is still crying and look so sad and upset so I asked her again why your crying so much today? And she said coz I miss philippines.
I never saw her cried like that before. She arrived here October 18 last year and the first day she arrived here she was just teary eye and cried when she phone her mum to let her know we arrive safe, but that’s it, she never cried after that until today and she didn’t even cried that much as much as she did today.
She didn’t even cried when we were at cebu airport and her family was there to say goodbye to us.
She said she don’t want to cry coz it will just make everyone cry too.


She is always happy and sweet and always run in the front door everytime she heard my car in the drive way. Always welcome me home with a big hug and lots of kisses and last night even asked me to carry her from the front door to the living room.
So I really thought she is happy and settling down, but then sad to say that im wrong.

[triple5]

Maybe she's been bottling these feelings up since she arrived, putting on a brave face for when you walk through the door. What she' s saying to you now is quite common - what I gather from reading other threads on here - in the first few weeks. Having arrived last october she's had plenty of time to settle. I would ask her if there's anything you can do to make her feel more at home, apart from building a Jollibee :D

You'll probably get the usual suggestions here - find her hobbies, hook her up with other pinays. If you've got your heart set on settling together in the UK I hope you can find a way so she feels more at home :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[KeithD]

Is she talking to other Filipina's here in the UK? If not why not, plenty on here who chat to each other :telephone:

[RickyR]

Mick, maybe it would be good for her to meet some other Filipina who could help and advise her over her issues. I'm not sure where you are, but i'm sure my other half would be happy to meet up with her and chat.

[laurel]

Without knowing the real circumstances, I would start from letting her know and showing her how loved she is and how much you appreciate the commitment she has made by leaving her home country...................Why does she have low self esteem???and feel useless??
As I say for me it would be to let her know the love and honour that you have for her, reasssure her, and go from there, to be honest if she's 26 she's still young and has made an enormous leap of faith by coming here...........without knowing the circumstances thats my opinion.....Take care

[RickyR]

To be honest, with Marvie. She was a little nervous like that when she arrived, I took her on the bus, got her timetables and showed her around and now she's happy and uses the bus and train to dissapear all over the place while I'm out.
I introduced her to the church, and that has helped her make a lot of friends and meet people.

[Mrs Daddy]

I was Like that, the day when we arrived here I cried and I thought this is it I couldn`t just ride a jeepney going back home.I am pretty much same as your wife it took me over 6 months to go to town on my own and ride a bus.I was so bored that I have asked my other half if I could look for a job coz I was so bored that I was so depressed specially on winter months I was like a puppy looking at the window reminiscing my life back at the philippines imagining people outside the house playing cards and even drinking alcoholic bevarages when theres a party at the neighborhood or even a funeral:DIts really difficult specially if you don`t have friends and as well as hobbies but thanks to God I manage it and feel settled am more than 3 years in uk and had a vacation back home but I wanting to comeback here again.:Dso it`ll take sometime for your wife to settle down just be patience for her...:)

[bbmick]

she talks to her family online almost everyday and she has a filipina friend here that speaks thesame dialect as her.

She went out with her 4 times and her friend introduced her with other filipina. She said she likes her but she don’t want to spend her money that’s why she don’t go out with her often. She is just so shy and last week, the first time she went to the doctor to joined she was so nervous and worried she might not understand them there when her english is very good. But after her first visit she is happy and said the staff there are friendly.

Last week also my daughter mentioned to us that her best friend and her grand dad thinks my wife is a mail order bride and asked her how much i paid to marry her and it made my wife so upset. She said you really think very low of me here. She said she needs to work coz my family might think bad about her and she said how can i work anyway when i dont have qualification and u dont allow me to.

She said that she is always at home when she was in the Philippines but atleast she has her sister, sister in law and her mum and neice with her and then her auntie just live a few steps from there house. But here she always alone, she don’t have freedom and she just talks to our parrot.

I know that she wants to work but I didn’t allow her at first but then I said she can if she really wants too but i wont be happy about it.
She said she wont work then if it will just upset me.
She also wants to go college where my daughter belongs to but told her that she can study online instead of going college here.

I don’t know but I think this are the reasons she is upset with me

[sars_notd_virus]

There's simple solution to the problem...if for the slightest moment u think shes sad or going to be sad pay her 100% of your attention until u think the situation has passed.,,this will saved u one hell of a lot of time and hassle...:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Arthur Little]

:iagree: with the others' responses. It could well be she's suffering from some form of delayed reaction to a number of factors ... for instance, I've just been reading the *thread posted by your wife last autumn - at which time she'd been in the process of applying for her spousal visa. In *it she highlighted conflicting evidence with regard to the receipt of your divorce papers at the British Embassy in Manila. Clearly, the matter was quickly resolved - since she came to the UK on October 18.

As if that weren't a stressful enough experience, :23_111_9[1]: consider this: As a young woman in her mid-20s living in the Philippines, it's doubtful she'd had much [if any] occasion to venture far from her familial surroundings - yet suddenly she finds herself uprooted to a "strange country", thousands of miles away from the only lifestyle she's ever known. Then, within a few short weeks, the UK was plunged into one of the most :freezin: winters for more than a decade.

You haven't provided us with any clues as to where you reside. :rolleyes: But I should imagine there are likely to be other Filipinas within reasonable travelling distance - especially if you are a town or city dweller. Encourage your wife to go out and make new friends ... (they needn't necessarily be of the same nationality!) :NoNo: ... because (as you and I both know) Filipinos are very sociable people who have a natural ability to mix well with others and can integrate themselves with relative ease into whichever communities they choose to settle. Admittedly, MY wife is twice the age of yours - but you'd be amazed at the number of people who have befriended her since she arrived here in Perth just over a year ago! So talk to your Mahal ... about ... well, anything and everything ... in the way you probably did when you first met; perhaps suggest she might like to become involved in voluntary work, for example. And above all show how much you love :hugx: and cherish her. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[KeithD]

Take her to a catholic church in a local town, you usually find other Filipina's. Put her on here & FB.

[Arthur Little]

BTW, I would like to take this opportunity to :welcomex: you to our midst.

[sars_notd_virus]

She said that she is always at home when she was in the Philippines but atleast she has her sister, sister in law and her mum and neice with her and then her auntie just live a few steps from there house. But here she always alone, she don’t have freedom and she just talks to our parrot.

I know that she wants to work but I didn’t allow her at first but then I said she can if she really wants too but i wont be happy about it.
She said she wont work then if it will just upset me.
She also wants to go college where my daughter belongs to but told her that she can study online instead of going college here.

I don’t know but I think this are the reasons she is upset with me

I guess its not homesickness..shes sick of being home all the time..
let her go out and adapt to your world

[triple5]

There's simple solution to the problem...if for the slightest moment u think shes sad or going to be sad pay her 100% of your attention until u think the situation has passed.,,this will saved u one hell of a lot of time and hassle...:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Hows he going to do that if he's at work all day :Erm:

[KeithD]

Hows he going to do that if he's at work all day :Erm:
He can hire me ;)

[RickyR]

It does concern me that your saying you don't allow her to work, and you don't want her to goto college. Surely thats taking away her freedom of choice?

[KeithD]

It does concern me that your saying you don't allow her to work, and you don't want her to goto college. Surely thats taking away her freedom of choice?
She can work from home like my wife... every time you :shehumper: ....leave some money under the pillow for her :xxgrinning--00xx3:

....:Erm: ....please tell me that's normal ...... old habits die hard :xxparty-smiley-004:

[RickyR]

haha, my missus likes the idea of working, but thats about it. She doesn't understand alarm clocks and thinks that 11am is the start of the day... Internet, TV, shopping are all a fulltime occupation for her.

[triple5]

Last week also my daughter mentioned to us that her best friend and her grand dad thinks my wife is a mail order bride and asked her how much i paid to marry her and it made my wife so upset.

My girl would also be very sensitive is she were ever subjected to such narrow minded remarks, hence why I'd probably never consider going down that route now as I know what people are like where I live.

As Ricky says, you stopping her from working/going college maybe making her resentful towards you. How come you don't want her to anyway? I think most would get bored talking to a parrot all day.

[Ana_may365]

She can work from home like my wife... every time you :shehumper: ....leave some money under the pillow for her :xxgrinning--00xx3:

....:Erm: ....please tell me that's normal ...... old habits die hard :xxparty-smiley-004:

aha!u give me a nice idea boss.even i have no works i still earn a lot of :REGamblMoney01HL1: by doing this:shehumper::xxparty-smiley-004::xxparty-smiley-004::xxparty-smiley-004:

[KeithD]

aha!u give me a nice idea boss.even i have no works i still earn a lot of :REGamblMoney01HL1: by doing this:shehumper::xxparty-smiley-004::xxparty-smiley-004::xxparty-smiley-004:
:omg: Ana..... my vision of sweet innocent Ana has been shot :bigcry:

[maria_and_matt]

im afraid that after 17 years here i still miss home and family terribly. i think for now all you can do is maybe take time off work and take her for a holiday around the UK, if you take her back to the philippines now it is gonna make things worse when she comes back here. and also tell her not to take notice of the mail to order bride comment.

get her on here too :)

[pennybarry]

It's normal to feel homesick as we have really different way of living here.
I feel the same, but always think we are already married and we need to make ourself busy especially with hubby.

I am thankful that me and hubby are both outgoing and he gives me freedom financially and go out with friends.

I have 3 days off in a week. Once a week I go out with hubby for a weekend date and one day for my friends shopping/dinner out. One day stay at home for PC edit my website and chat with family.
Four days making money to strive well for an annual break in Pinas.

That makes me feel better now. I hope she can find a true genuine friend, a husband with sense of humour:xxgrinning--00xx3: as it trully helps not to feel bored in this freezing cold country.

[somebody]

Like the Ladies say get her on here. It is tough in the UK but she needs people who understand her where she has come from and her situation now.

Your age says your 26 may I ask how old is your Wife? My Wife was 21 when she got here and she had some tough days at first and still has days where she feels low as we all do to be honest where ever we are in the world.

Its very easy at work to get engrossed at work again I dont know what u do but is it possible to be online on your mobile or even your phone. Sms her now and then or emails?

Dont need to be long just chit chat. It may inconvenice u as it did me but it meant a lot to the Wife.
You need to get her mobile I dont know where u live and the public transport but as the summer months it should be easy. Can u get a days pass with some cash and a telephone number of a few cab companies just in case?

On your days off dont take her out in the car get on the Bus with her and travel to the town centre/s. Does she like swiming/gym or some form of sports actvity can u go with her untill she feels at home there? Exercise will help as will social interaction.

Also she needs a job or something to do. Can she work in A charity shop the Wife loved this when she first got here it got her loads of bits to send home:xxgrinning--00xx3:

My wife in october 2005 and she was looking for a job by jan and travelling on her own but that was London. It was very tough on herself but she met people and now knows more people in our local town than I do:D

Mick get her and you on this site and let us help you ok Sir:)

[somebody]

she talks to her family online almost everyday and she has a filipina friend here that speaks thesame dialect as her.

She went out with her 4 times and her friend introduced her with other filipina. She said she likes her but she don’t want to spend her money that’s why she don’t go out with her often. She is just so shy and last week, the first time she went to the doctor to joined she was so nervous and worried she might not understand them there when her english is very good. But after her first visit she is happy and said the staff there are friendly.

Last week also my daughter mentioned to us that her best friend and her grand dad thinks my wife is a mail order bride and asked her how much i paid to marry her and it made my wife so upset. She said you really think very low of me here. She said she needs to work coz my family might think bad about her and she said how can i work anyway when i dont have qualification and u dont allow me to.

She said that she is always at home when she was in the Philippines but atleast she has her sister, sister in law and her mum and neice with her and then her auntie just live a few steps from there house. But here she always alone, she don’t have freedom and she just talks to our parrot.

I know that she wants to work but I didn’t allow her at first but then I said she can if she really wants too but i wont be happy about it.
She said she wont work then if it will just upset me.
She also wants to go college where my daughter belongs to but told her that she can study online instead of going college here.

I don’t know but I think this are the reasons she is upset with me


Just re read this post seriously u wont let her work or go to college?

I know it costs a lot but why not? You just want her to sit at home and do nothing?

Blimey i'm sure like me you have had a few days where u were stuck in doors and went stir crazy let alone months.

Sorry if it sounds a bit harsh just telling u as i see it

[English Rose]

My wife is so emotional this morning and just cried while we were talking about her life in the Philippines and here in UK......

This might be a curved ball but I am wondering if she is pregnant as this plays havoc with your hormones.

It's in the Filipino culture to be dependent on family in a way we're not. They simply do not understand the concept of independence as we know it. She's never going to behave as an English woman would (not living with her mother etc).

Is there a local Filipino Association near you? There is one near me, and they organise all sorts of social events, badminton etc.

[fred]

There are lots of Brits that move abroad that have to come to terms with the fact that its just not for them..They miss their country and not happy so they simply return to the UK for ever and ever..
I understand her feelings because I felt the same every time I returned back to the UK and Im British!!!!
My situation was the reverse of yours as my wife had no intention of going back to P.I and was perfectly happy there..
It was me that was pining for Asia and the land of smiles!!
Got my way in the end though eh!!
Happy days!!

[bbmick]

She had pregnancy test this morning ( strips ) and english rose is right she is pregnant. Now i know why she is so emotional. When we saw the 2 red lines she was just staring at me and its like she is going to cry again lol. I am so happy but last night when we were at tesco for our weekly shopping she is moaning that she is feed up with the food here and how she misses ripe mango and philippine fish and lots of philippine food.

[triple5]

She had pregnancy test this morning ( strips ) and english rose is right she is pregnant. Now i know why she is so emotional. When we saw the 2 red lines she was just staring at me and its like she is going to cry again lol. I am so happy but last night when we were at tesco for our weekly shopping she is moaning that she is feed up with the food here and how she misses ripe mango and philippine fish and lots of philippine food.

Have a check here where to buy filipino foods near you.

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=4271&highlight=filipino+foods

Also, I think you can buy online :Erm: and btw, congratulations to you both :Jump::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[LEAHnew]

Case sorted:D
Congratulation:xxgrinning--00xx3: Check the Culture and food section you may find it helpful for her cravings:Rasp::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[fred]

Well congratulations Mick..
Dont dismiss her emotions and homesickness simply because she is pregnant..
The pregnancy has just brought them all to the fore front..Im sure she will settle down,given time.

[English Rose]

She had pregnancy test this morning ( strips ) and english rose is right she is pregnant. Now i know why she is so emotional. When we saw the 2 red lines she was just staring at me and its like she is going to cry again lol. I am so happy but last night when we were at tesco for our weekly shopping she is moaning that she is feed up with the food here and how she misses ripe mango and philippine fish and lots of philippine food.

She's going to miss her mum even more now. Encourage her to go to any ante natal classes on offer so she meets other mothers-to-be, she'll need another woman to talk to. On the plus side, having a baby means classes, mother and baby groups, lots of new friends, even strangers stopping you in the street to talk to you and admire the baby.

I still remember the wonderfully fresh food, especially mango, in the Philippines and I was only there for 3 weeks. I suggest you do your best to find better quality food than is sold at Tesco. Morrisons is the only supermarket that sells fish that hasn't been frozen. I don't know where you live, but perhaps you can source some fruit and vegetables that have been grown locally or organic meat from a local farm. The taste is so much better.

[somebody]

This might be a curved ball but I am wondering if she is pregnant as this plays havoc with your hormones.

It's in the Filipino culture to be dependent on family in a way we're not. They simply do not understand the concept of independence as we know it. She's never going to behave as an English woman would (not living with her mother etc).

Is there a local Filipino Association near you? There is one near me, and they organise all sorts of social events, badminton etc.

I do get what you mean by the avg Pinays sense of/need for family is much more stronger than the typical Brit Lady. But I can think of so many very resillent and independent Pinays who I see and know. Both Spouses and OFWs here and abroad.

I know plenty of Filipinas in our local area who are very independent many normally only after finding themsleves divorced and stuck in the UK with young Kids. My Sister and other Woman of their same age who are UK born who may have traveled and lived abroad for gap years etc when younger have all commented on well these ladies adapt and cope often to a degree they dont they would if the roles reversed.

My Sister actually commented she felt homesick so badly when in Aus and New Zealand and she knew she was not there for well possibly the rest of her life. She lived in her own flat away from the family in the UK before and after the trip so it was not being with the family just being in a different enviroment.

Many of the Wifes friends(Pinays) now cant settle with a guy they tell me because they find themsleves are very independent now and many guys in the UK think that because they Asian they will be meek, dependent on other types and basically wanted to be dominated by a stronger partner:D

One looks almost african in features and finds guys change their attitude towards her if she mentions she is asian:NoNo:

The lady wants to see if she can work or college yet her hubby doesn't want her to.

WHy oh why do so many think Pinays wanted to be bossed about:Erm:

One thing i noticed in Phill, Italy and the UK was how strong the Woman was in the Phill Family many are the breadwinner and do most about the house.


So im sure this young lady will not faint if she has a Job or goes to College if its possible.

But now reading she is preggers that of course makes all the difference. Again dont worry many Pinays before her have coped but she does need a network of friends both Phill and from wherever to support her.

[Florge]

i have been feeling that the last 3 months actually... been here for 6 months and i truly truly miss my old life... i hate feeling so dependend on my husband.. i have been working and earning good money back home, and here.. i can't even get a job interview!

so what do i do? chat with some friends! i am lucky to have pinay friends online who keeps telling me to hang on .. so, if she can also do the same... where are you at? there must be a filipina somewhere near...

what helps also is that hubby takes me to a massage and spa when he's not working (one of the things i love to do when I was still in Pinas - so it's a taste of home)... taking day trips just so i get to see other sights... and now, getting to dance classes and trying my luck on gardening... enrol her in some courses in your community center.. that helps as well..

[malditako]

She had pregnancy test this morning ( strips ) and english rose is right she is pregnant. Now i know why she is so emotional. When we saw the 2 red lines she was just staring at me and its like she is going to cry again lol. I am so happy but last night when we were at tesco for our weekly shopping she is moaning that she is feed up with the food here and how she misses ripe mango and philippine fish and lots of philippine food.

while i was reading your post i was thinking maybe she is pregnant thats why she's acting that way...so i was right then :) congrats...

i was like her when i was pregnant and even more few months after i gave birth...emotioal, sensitive, grumpy...name it :)

anyway it takes time to adjust....support her on the things she wanted to do...just staying at home will not boost her confidence...maybe thats why she wanted to go to college its because she wanted to prove herself more than just being a wife and soon be mum :)