the end of my marriage [Archive]

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allyn

22nd April 2010, 21:08

joebloggs

22nd April 2010, 21:34

:cwm24:
time is a great healer Allyn
i hope things improve for you soon :hug-1:

KeithD

22nd April 2010, 21:35

Real life is not Hollywood :angry:

Take care... you have friends here :grouphug:

allyn

22nd April 2010, 21:36

thanks joe,,
i hope so...

allyn

22nd April 2010, 21:40

thanks boss winwin...
i know i have... thats why im still sane (sometimes...) coz i know i still have friends...

joebloggs

22nd April 2010, 21:48

thanks joe,,
i hope so...

it will :rolleyes:
i've been thru some :censored: times, and the old saying 'if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger' is true.

its an end of a chapter in your life, and a new one starts :rolleyes:

South-east boy

22nd April 2010, 21:52

Sorry to hear this Allyn, but did wonder if it was on the cards gong by what had happened before. :hugx: Strangely I was only wondering earlier tonight before I popped out how you had been getting on since we last heard from you. Like Keith says, you have plenty of friends here that will help you all we can. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

allyn

22nd April 2010, 21:56

allyn

22nd April 2010, 22:05

it will :rolleyes:
i've been thru some :censored: times, and the old saying 'if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger' is true.

its an end of a chapter in your life, and a new one starts :rolleyes:

thanks joe,

just feel like totaly abandone at the moment,,, and trying my best to wear a brave face infront of every one...trying to smile as much as i can ...
just back from the philippines 2 weeks ago, seen my dad's grave for the first time, all i can say when i saw my dad's grave is sorry,,,for not listening to him before (he told me that when my husband had enough of me he will just throw me somewhere, thats the worst scenario im trying to avoid, and i stand up for my husband) and for not coming back to see him when he died...
And then this is what i came back to...
life couldnt be much better...

then my ex husband have a guts to tell me to be happy and calm..
no home, no husband,,,great...how great life is

joebloggs

22nd April 2010, 22:31

seen my dad's grave for the first time, all i can say when i saw my dad's grave is sorry,,,for not listening to him before (he told me that when my husband had enough of me he will just throw me somewhere, thats the worst scenario im trying to avoid, and i stand up for my husband) and for not coming back to see him when he died...
And then this is what i came back to...
life couldnt be much better...

then my ex husband have a guts to tell me to be happy and calm..
no home, no husband,,,great...how great life is

what's happened is the past and you cant change it, but you can change your future, keep on being strong and one day at a time, and now is the time to show your dad how strong you can be :rolleyes:

dont have regrets or think too much about the past, it will only make you :cwm24: and :crazy: Allyn

Arthur Little

22nd April 2010, 22:47

thanks joe,

just feel like totaly abandone at the moment,,, and trying my best to wear a brave face infront of every one...trying to smile as much as i can ...
just back from the philippines 2 weeks ago, seen my dad's grave for the first time, all i can say when i saw my dad's grave is sorry,,,for not listening to him before (he told me that when my husband had enough of me he will just throw me somewhere, thats the worst scenario im trying to avoid, and i stand up for my husband) and for not coming back to see him when he died...
And then this is what i came back to...
life couldnt be much better...

then my ex husband have a guts to tell me to be happy and calm..
no home, no husband,,,great...how great life is

Please don't chastise yourself, Allyn. "It's so easy to be wise after the event" ... as the old saying goes. We've all made *mistakes ... but, from what you've shared with us since last year, getting this "spineless" man and his dysfunctional family out of your life certainly *isn't one of yours! :NoNo: Indeed, it's a great achievement on your part! YOU deserve much better, my friend ... and moving out of that :crazy: environment is a first, gigantic step on the road to independence and true happiness - even if it doesn't feel like that right now.

As has already been mentioned, you can rely on the support of your many friends here on the forum - whenever you need us - and I'm very sure, too, the people you've come to know well through your work will also rally round. :grouphug:

:pray: God Bless.

scott&ligaya

23rd April 2010, 03:15

Hi there,
if you need a break from your surroundings and can get time off I have an empty house and a very caring Christain Filipino community around our area. My wife and babies are enjoying time in the Phils and I am at work all day (or will be when I get back from Hong Kong next Tuesday) so you are welcome to stop for a break if you want. I remember reading your story and Arthiur and others have said you are well rid of him and his crazy family.

ingat and god bless

Scott

sars_notd_virus

23rd April 2010, 03:33

Get out and move on sis, roller coaster of emotions probably won't stabilize for 6 months or so - divorce/separation is a MAJOR life change.
Smile and the raw edge of the emotions wears off in time..

LEAHnew

23rd April 2010, 07:58

Sorry to hear the news Allyn:NoNo: I know its very difficult for you on this stage,but i know you can overcome this. Stay strong and keep the faith:)

IainBusby

23rd April 2010, 08:27

im trying my best to hang on before,,,and just keep on saying,,,maybe, and hoping to the last minute..but like what i said...im fighting a losing battle...and now im totally lost...
thanks south east boy... :)

I would strongly disagree with that, I think that many members on this forum would agree with me that given what you have posted here previously about the behavior of your husband and his family towards you, that you are at last found in some way and I believe you will now be able to get on with your life and I'm sure you will go from strength to stength in the future.

mickcant

23rd April 2010, 09:14

cessxy

23rd April 2010, 09:44

Hi Allyn,
Everything happens for a reason. Just keep praying to be brave. And start to move on. :)

Mrs Daddy

23rd April 2010, 11:33

sorry to hear what happen allyn...

Sim11UK

23rd April 2010, 13:47

Hi Allyn
Glad you made contact here, I think we've all been wondering how you've been getting on.
We're all sorry for you, as you obviously loved him, just a shame he never showed you the same, not even his family. :NoNo:

You started some horriffic threads, that made us all feel really uncomfortable.
Not easy for you now, but please stay in contact here...Plenty will help. :)

Florge

23rd April 2010, 13:50

sorry to hear the outcome... but at least, you fought for your marriage and you are willing to fight for your marriage... your husband doesn't deserve a kind and loving woman like you.. so, big loss for him!

liane

23rd April 2010, 16:01

Sorry to hear that it ended like this. I know it takes time before you could fully move on but I think this will also be the time to pick up the pieces of yourself and start anew. There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept. Time heal all wounds as they say.

You did your part in saving your marriage and please don't see yourself as a loser in this battle. You deserve someone who respects you in every way. And someday you'll be thankful that you were free from this kind of relationship. Be brave! Remember always that you aren't alone :grouphug: :xxgrinning--00xx3:

pennybarry

23rd April 2010, 16:37

Tried to ring you many times before but not even ringing.
If you're still homeless, I can speak to my friend in Edinburgh to accommodate you.
Cheer up!
You must be happy now as you are free from him and realised your Dad was right. It is your turn now to improve yourself as you still have your loving Mom to show that you are now on the right track. Go go go girl! Move on!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

malditako

23rd April 2010, 17:25

remember this quote:

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one, which has been opened for us.”

forgetting the pain is a long process...just cry and let your emotions out its just ok...the pain will go away when u get tired and u will know its the time to bring back smile to your heart...

whenever i have a heavy heart i always talk to GOD and i can feel how He comforts me in such a special way :)

maria_and_matt

23rd April 2010, 19:57

awww so sorry to hear that, if u need any help please let me know... i have been there before with my first husband so i know what its like, hope u r ok

Northerner

23rd April 2010, 20:12

So sorry to read what has happened :NoNo:

From the previous posts you have made before this thread I am surprised you stuck it out for so long, but I guess a Filipina takes her vows seriously...

I wish you all the best now and hope you meet a guy who is worthy of your love:kngt:

nigel

24th April 2010, 10:08

Maybe you will move on to BETTER things!?:rolleyes:

It may not feel that way now...but you'll move on to better things I'm sure..:Jump:

allyn

24th April 2010, 11:04

hi every one....
thank you very much for all you post,,,each and every one post are very important to me and really make me feel better...
i know i have lots of friends here, im so thank ful im member of this forum...

trying to live one day at a time (hope i said it right)
trying not to think and just keep my self busy...
trying to be positive...

thanks every one....

scott&ligaya

24th April 2010, 12:21

Hi there, if you feel really down, just log on here and you will see what friends you have, take care and think of only yourself.

nigel

24th April 2010, 12:23

Fighting a losing battle..but you'll win the war for sure!:)

somebody

24th April 2010, 16:20

Allyn i like many have read the threads you have started on certain issues and theres only one se of losers in this relationship and its the husband and certain members of his family.

There are some truely amazing people on this site who will help you how ever they can. All may seem dark now but you will soon see the shunshine after the rain for all the problems you have had you deserve it.

islander

25th April 2010, 13:22

hi jack!

I feel so sad hearing this news! But then, part of me is also happy to know that finally your burdens have ended coz a nice person like you don't deserve HIM OR THIS KIND OF TREATMENT!

I'm actually proud of you coz you've managed to handle this situation in the most positive way... if it would happen to me, I don't know If I would survive, hehehe!

anyway, BE STRONG ALWAYS & WALK WITH HEAD UP HIGH!

allyn

10th June 2010, 19:50

This is just a update of my started thread and the end of it....:)

may 2 SUNDAY,
i hold on to my breath and went to my old flat to get the rest of my things and somehow i was hoping to talk to my ex husband, (coz i have to admit i was hoping to the last minute that he will change his mind and he will realize the pain he cause to me, but i was wrong)
As i hope, i got a chance to talk to him but our conversation became an argument.
He told me that his family think that im only after their family inheritance, and i flamed up the moment i heard the accusation... my ex husband, tried to calm me down and told me to just start to talk to his family so that they will stop thinking bad about me... our argument continue to the point that he tried to brake my phone... when we went to the kitchen and we are still arguing, i look at the living room (coz the door of our kitchen is in front of the door of the living room) i saw my ex-brother inlaw girl friend sitting in the living room and she roll her eyes on me... when i told my ex-husband what she did, he just told me she will not going to do such thing then my ex-husband told me again to just talk to them, (don’t know what runs to my head on that time but i just did what he told me to do) i went to the living room to talk to them, and my ex-husband followed me... i saw my ex brother inlaw on the other side of the living room and the girl friend in the other side, both of them are watching tv... my ex brother inlaw told me desame thing that my ex-husband said, that im just after their family inheritance and he said he is against me because im attacking his girl friend, and the moment i look at the girlfriend, she started shouting at me and calling me Psycho and rude to her and im jealous at her,,,, i tried to talk back then my ex-husband pull me and literally push me out of the flat, then he told im attacking the girl friend of his brother and he cant be with me coz i don’t get along with his family and then he close the door in my face...
I feel like a dog been kicked out in my own home by those people i let to stay in my flat...
(well i guess its not mine anymore, coz i have been kicked out at the 1st time then kicked out again for the 2nd time by my own husband in my own flat....)
And those family and my ex-husband, know that i worked hard for every penny that i spend, and never i ask nor depend on them financially since i get here in UK, ..
I didn’t cry the whole time when i was in the old flat, but when i was started walking back to my new flat my mum phoned and i burst out crying,,, and started shaking, and i almost cant breath...and the whole night, i cried and cried,,, coz everytime i tried to close my eyes, the whole situation just keeps on flashing in my head...went to work the next morning, and my office mate didn’t like what they saw on me , my boss sent me on the desame day to my gp, and then after a couple of days i attended counciling,,,
My bad emotional breakdown got me into trouble with work...coz i cant focus and just end up crying without me noticing im already crying.
Im glad some friends helped me move on...slowly but they divert my attention,,, also my friend doctor gave me partime job at night, and that help me financially and emotionally...
Im so thankfull to all my friends that help me out...you know who you are...and im so thankfull atleast even tho i have no family here i got friends who show lots of effort to show me and tell me im not alone
THANKS EVERY ONE,,, IM ON THE ROAD to RECOVERY.....

FIN:)

KeithD

10th June 2010, 19:52

:Hellooo: Hi oh sweet one :xxgrinning--00xx3:

bornatbirth

10th June 2010, 20:08

hey, your ex is a wimp and the family are apes, maybe he should try pushing someone else other than a filipina, im sure there many in the forum who can give him a slap :D

aposhark

10th June 2010, 20:09

When one door slams shut another door opens if you look for it, Allyn
Best of luck and stay positive :Wave:

PAT

10th June 2010, 21:09

I'm really sad reading your threads allyn, hoping for a lasting happiness will come in your way soon.Keep on praying...

Sim11UK

10th June 2010, 22:15

I think all here admire your courage...Keep your head held high. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

simonline

11th June 2010, 01:48

Admire you coz you're truly a Filipina with great strength.. :) keep strong and keep praying.. God is good and will never leave u.

Alan

11th June 2010, 07:33

So sorry to hear this Allyn. As has been said before - you have lots of people to talk to on here (and perhaps even meet!!) - myself included!! Never be alone - do not be afraid to PM, call, whatever - we are here for you!

Al.:)

pennybarry

11th June 2010, 08:31

Good show! You are getting brave now and can answer them back!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Stay being a good daughter to your mom and be very careful to your next relationship.

Goodluck!:)

gWaPito

11th June 2010, 18:54

Admire you coz you're truly a Filipina with great strength.. :) keep strong and keep praying.. God is good and will never leave u.

My sentiments exactly.

You will be a stronger and wiser person for this experience.
So keep your head up and walk tall!!! You have done nothing wrong.

gWaPito

11th June 2010, 18:54

Admire you coz you're truly a Filipina with great strength.. :) keep strong and keep praying.. God is good and will never leave u.

My sentiments exactly:xxgrinning--00xx3:

badrock

15th June 2010, 18:23

so very sorry that it didn,t work out for you but you have many friends here who can and will help you through the tough times ahead....it,s not the end but the start of a new life.

CityHunter

19th June 2010, 01:09

Hi, allyn :) Let me share to you some advice I've given over the years to folks that faced a situation like yours. He he, although I am a feng shui consultant by trade I actually wear a lot of different hats when people come to me for advice.

It is indeed sad that your marriage didn't work out. Yet, let this experience not make you lose interest in love, in trusting again your heart and most of all not to make your heart turn cold against Him.

It is indeed depressing that folks that you considered as family see you as someone just out for their money. I for one go with those who advised you to move on. Time will heal that wound and maybe this will be a turning point in your life towards marked success.

Per professional experience, people who undergo such an event in life can either become wrecks or heroes. The choice is yours.

Take note that life is a cycle of changes. If you know the tai chi symbol (its that black and white circle in the South Korean flag) it demonstrates that in every success there is that possibility of failure which is why the white field has a black spot. That in failure there is always that chance towards success - why the black field has a white dot.

Focus yourself first in making yourself strong again and search for that direction that will take you to success. Forget for the meantime your ex- and his family. Don't communicate with them not unless you have someone there whom you have been really close and knows who you really are.

Should you require a different kind of input to help you find what path to take feel free to drop me a note. I'll gladly do a life chart reading for you for free. I'll be needing your exact birthday, birth time and birthplace though to give an accurate reading.

Be strong. Not just because you are a Filipina but because you can become something which everyone can truly be proud of.

Sophie

19th June 2010, 16:43

im not going to illaborate what happen,,,
all i can say we are now seperated,
and he doesnt want me anymore...and he expect me to be calm and happy...
no husband... no home... and i should be calm and happy...
Life couldnt get any better...:ReadIt:

thats the end of my long long long painful marriage
still painful tho,,,just hope this pain will go away soon...just hope:cwm24:

Hi allyn, sorry about your marriage not working out the way you had hoped. You tried everything you can so don't be too hard on yourself. People say we choose our battle and i don't think your battle is worth fighting for. There's 2 of you in that marriage but you seem to be fighting for it alone. So consider yourself lucky that you did not end up getting stucked in a long painful marriage for the rest of your life. Now you have a second chance to be happy and to find someone who will love you enough to fight for you....and no doubt you will be wiser and better on your choices next time :xxgrinning--00xx3: Cheer up, the best is yet to come :xxgrinning--00xx3:

somebody

20th June 2010, 21:18

Hi Allyn,

Your doing the right thing and like others have said far better than I we are all here wishing you the best for your future. I know things will get better if there is anything we can do as a group let us know and we will try to assit you maam:)

scottishbride

21st June 2010, 10:32

Sorry to hear about your Marriage did not work out... But hey you got loads of friends here.. It is not the end of the world girl Cheer up.. I have been to that.. My ex was irresponsible etc. etc and what's worst was...I found out he was alredy married when he marry me!:NoNo::crazy: great! :cwm23:You have to move on girl... and I am sure you will find someone who deserve your love.. I have found someone and now were married and been together for 5 years.. God have plans for you..

-sillybilly-

22nd June 2010, 01:05

Hi!
I am actually new to this forum. But just want to let you know that ive been through the same as yours. But it was with my Filipino ex-husband and it involves the third party when i was there in the UK, imagine me being kicked out from my house infront of his woman?Age 27 and brand new in the UK...i dont wonna mention it again as its now pointless. Whats the most important thing is that you are moving on. Be proud of yourself that you've got through it and it will make you stronger. Trust me coz it did to me. Give time for yourself...treat yourself! Bring back the smile in your face...and remember it wasnt your loss...its his!
He doesnt deserve those tears....so c'mon chin up!
Trust me he will never find someone like you....and he will regret all his life for what he did to you even in his last breath....
God Bless!

-sillybilly-

22nd June 2010, 01:19

and hey! the show must go on!
make your momma proud....hehe!
i remember what my mum said....."thats my girl!" right on my wedding day and
that burst me into tears!
You move on girl and when you look back....you'd be thankful for what it has
made you now.
Prayers help. Big time!
owyt?
u take care girl..theres a lot of people who cares and loves you!