Loneliness, when life is put on hold!

[James Hubbard]

Like many of the people here will totally understand,

my life has been pretty much on hold for the past 9 months. I have only focussed on one thing, and that's working, because it's expensive to have a long distance marriage, and visas don't come cheap either.

But since i came back here from the Philippines, I have really been feeling a bit lonely, but too lazy to go out there and re-establish old connections.

I also feel a bit estranged from my own culture now that I have been away for so long - i was living in the Philippines for 1 full year, and I think the "way of life" is sort of in my blood now.

So yeh, i guess, i wanted to ask (to those who can't relate):

-When your life is "on hold", what do you do to take away the boredom and lonliness?

I think i have been spending waaaayyy too much time on this forum, but it's so convenient ... here with me in my comfy chair ... but I feel i am missing out on life ...

grrrrr

cheers for listening


James "get it all out" Hubbard!

[Steve.r]

I'm the same, I wake, go to work, come home and so the cycle continues. You only look forward to the next time you will speak to your mahal and feel sad inbetween.

I have a few hobbies, not ones that really involve many other people really, I go to the farm shooting, I keep my fish, go fishing. But even they don't bring the excitement of the thought of my mahal or being in the Philippines with her.

This forum brings us 'connected' people together, and maybe we spend our time here together because we all feel the same, or those of us in a similar situation. We share common goals, talk and laugh (mostly) about things we have done, but we still feel the sadness of being away from our most cherished partners.

[James Hubbard]

Yeh

Y'know, i don't want to seem like I am whining ... but

I am so glad that you understand the feeling steve. I am sure there are many on here too.

I guess to the rest of the world who are getting on with their lives as normal - would regard me as a bit of a hermit, or something.

It's just that despite the lonliness ... I don't really feel the drive to do anything either because ... well ... the biggest part of my heart is 8000 miles apart from me.

I just can't wait to be with her again, and I will appreciate her more this time and not take her for granted.

When I was living there with her in the 'pines, i didn't expect it to be just 1 year. I expected to live there for a few years, but life conspired to make it such that I was forced to return ....

I can't complain about work. My school has been a success from the day and hour I opened it.

....


But ...

still... emptiness inside till the mrs gets here.

[Steve.r]

Yeah, I understand, I have no other motivation to do anything but plan the next move toward our goal.

[James Hubbard]

and rightly so... it's the most important thing in your life.

[-sillybilly-]

James same as mine....been like that for 9 months now..my husband work and in the weekend he tries to see his mum and bro to make him busy.
I dont work i only stay at home....no idea how to make my life busy to get rid of boredom until im used to it.
But you can never get away of loneliness and missing your other half.....just think positive and it will soon be over. Life will be back to normal. Dont worry about missing stuff...no matter how you try its still not gonna make you happy....as long as you are enjoying what you do everyday just to get the day pass...you have survive another day.
Until your wife is with you then off you go! make it up on what you have missed and this time you will enjoy it as you are with the person you've always wished to be with.

[-sillybilly-]

Yeh

Y'know, i don't want to seem like I am whining ... but

I am so glad that you understand the feeling steve. I am sure there are many on here too.

I guess to the rest of the world who are getting on with their lives as normal - would regard me as a bit of a hermit, or something.

It's just that despite the lonliness ... I don't really feel the drive to do anything either because ... well ... the biggest part of my heart is 8000 miles apart from me.

I just can't wait to be with her again, and I will appreciate her more this time and not take her for granted.

When I was living there with her in the 'pines, i didn't expect it to be just 1 year. I expected to live there for a few years, but life conspired to make it such that I was forced to return ....

I can't complain about work. My school has been a success from the day and hour I opened it.

....


But ...

still... emptiness inside till the mrs gets here.

Not long for you and your wife James!
Sometimes we just have to go through a certain stage to hit us and make us realize how important a person is.
But things are going to the right direction after all the patience and hard working....frustrations and disappointments...and now you're getting to the most awaiting part.

[James Hubbard]

James same as mine....been like that for 9 months now..my husband work and in the weekend he tries to see his mum and bro to make him busy.
I dont work i only stay at home....no idea how to make my life busy to get rid of boredom until im used to it.
But you can never get away of loneliness and missing your other half.....just think positive and it will soon be over. Life will be back to normal. Dont worry about missing stuff...no matter how you try its still not gonna make you happy....as long as you are enjoying what you do everyday just to get the day pass...you have survive another day.
Until your wife is with you then off you go! make it up on what you have missed and this time you will enjoy it as you are with the person you've always wished to be with.

Thanks reese for your reply

Yeh ... I have a long list of places I want to take the Mrs, and a long list of things I want to do together with her when she gets here. Even small things like going to the cinema together will feel like a BIG deal :D

I can't wait.

I can make another 2 months. Barely!

[James Hubbard]

Not long for you and your wife James!
Sometimes we just have to go through a certain stage to hit us and make us realize how important a person is.
But things are going to the right direction after all the patience and hard working....frustrations and disappointments...and now you're getting to the most awaiting part.

Yes my friend. And I guess for the past 3.5 years I was expecting that this time would come. It's here now.

I can't wait til I am with her again at last :D

[Sim11UK]

Yes I understand & the connected bit...it's why I spend a lot of time on here. Helps to keep it alive.
Sometimes I feel I should be getting on with other things, but I don't like to be too far away from the computer... for the time being, at least.

[James Hubbard]

Yes I understand & the connected bit...it's why I spend a lot of time on here. Helps to keep it alive.
Sometimes I feel I should be getting on with other things, but I don't like to be too far away from the computer... for the time being, at least.

Yeh mate, that sums up exactly the feeling ... glad u can relate :)

[stevewool]

it is lonely being alone here in england and your partner is over there , in my case my old friends where shared between my ex and myself so the split was hard for them too, but still the true friends stayed, but after time and telling them your plans they too seem to have suddenly gone one by one , i too work hard all week then saturdays see my bros, sunday clean its anything to keep busy till work comes around again, everyone here i think is in that situation, but one day it changers , when our partners come here , i hope i still talk to my new friends and see some off you too and start a new friendship with our partners also as i said we all have the same thing in commen our love ones :)

[stevie c]

My feelings are exactly the same loneliness boredom i miss my mahal so much that i cant seem to motivate myself to get interested in new hobbies my cycle for the week is got to work monday to friday come home shower cook then on the computer weekends i visit my sister & visit my parents but the loneliness & emptiness is always there. But my saving grace is i have made many new friends on this forum who will listen to my woes & offer any help & advice they can to get me through this difficult time without my mahal. This forum really is a godsend & i thank all the members who have given there time to chat help & listen to me :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[James Hubbard]

@ Steve and @ Steve

Wow, glad that you fellas both understand.

For the first time in ages, I actually feel that my situation is understood :D

thanks guys.

[Steve.r]

@ Steve and @ Steve



feeling left out here :bigcry:

[James Hubbard]

the triplets

@Steve, Steve and Stevie

[Steve.r]

:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevewool]

you are never left out steve and steve from steve:icon_lol::icon_lol:

[stevie c]

Thanks steve its nice someone understands us:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevewool]

before this site we thought we was the only people doing what we are planing , funny aint it , like i said steve i hope to continue to talk and see each other when our partners are over here , i do beleive it will bring more happiness to us all , thats if people want new friends:)

[KeithD]

I prefer Steve over Steve, and even more so than Steve :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevie c]

yes steve i fully agree with you & it would be wonderfull if we remain friends & keep in touch when our partners are here & hope to have some get togethers to :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Steve.r]

I prefer Steve over Steve, and even more so than Steve :xxgrinning--00xx3:
That's just favoritism :cwm23:

[stevie c]

us steves have to stick together:Jump:

[stevewool]

all for one , one for all:Wave:

[Englishman2010]

It's interesting reading everyone's replies and good to know that I wasn't the only one who felt like all of you. My situation is slightly different, in that after 10 months of mental torture, bouts of self doubt and jealousy I decided to call it quits. However, as I am about to embark on LDR 2, I feel I am better prepared and know a bit more about what to expect this time.
Like the rest of you, this forum has been a godsend to me, my only regret is that I didn't find it a few months earlier. I generally spend my evenings between here and Facebook, but really do need to motivate myself to find a hobby or other interest. Weekends are generally spent with my kids, doing the laundry, the groceries and jobs around the house or garden, watching the F1 (during the season) and visiting members of my family.
Despite the pain we put ourselves through, I would wager that we all think it is worth every minute of it because of the wonderful times we spend with our mahal's when we are with them. Despite LDR1 not working out for me, I have no regrets. It wasn't all bad, I had some truly great times and have memories I will cherish for the rest of my life. I've learned from my mistakes, I'm more experienced and am ready for LDR2.
If someone could figure out how to get the Philippines time in the same time zone as us, all of our problems would be solved as I guess we would all spend every evening on Yahoo or Skype:icon_lol:

[James Hubbard]

Thanks Ian mate for the input, it was really good :)

Glad you're here, and glad that this forum has helped to keep you sane and give you the support and advice that you have needed over a difficult time :)

Hope LDR2 works out well for you :)

[Englishman2010]

Thanks Ian mate for the input, it was really good :)

Glad you're here, and glad that this forum has helped to keep you sane and give you the support and advice that you have needed over a difficult time :)

Hope LDR2 works out well for you :)

Thanks James:xxgrinning--00xx3: This forum really has been a lifeline to me. There is so much experience and invaluable information shared by all members that it makes every difficult step seem that little bit easier, because someone who has done it is able to offer sound advice and warn you of the pitfalls.
It's also extremely helpful having active members based in the Philippines, even if they are all asleep when we want to ask questions in the evenings:icon_lol:
As for LDR2, I don't think I will encounter any of the same problems i did previously, a completely different class this time:)

[laurel]

Hi James, I like others fully understand.
Like steve r says its a cycle....up... work... traffic... home...hope for an email from my gf, lookf forward to speaking with her, and feeling down in between. I read and stay in touch with friends , but im aiting for the final decision of annulment.(almost there now.....im waiting to post that good news soon:)) Being on hold is not good, but at least this forum gives us an outlet to support each other.
keep ya chin up:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[DaveUK]

It's interesting reading everyone's replies and good to know that I wasn't the only one who felt like all of you. My situation is slightly different, in that after 10 months of mental torture, bouts of self doubt and jealousy I decided to call it quits. However, as I am about to embark on LDR 2, I feel I am better prepared and know a bit more about what to expect this time.
Like the rest of you, this forum has been a godsend to me, my only regret is that I didn't find it a few months earlier. I generally spend my evenings between here and Facebook, but really do need to motivate myself to find a hobby or other interest. Weekends are generally spent with my kids, doing the laundry, the groceries and jobs around the house or garden, watching the F1 (during the season) and visiting members of my family.
Despite the pain we put ourselves through, I would wager that we all think it is worth every minute of it because of the wonderful times we spend with our mahal's when we are with them. Despite LDR1 not working out for me, I have no regrets. It wasn't all bad, I had some truly great times and have memories I will cherish for the rest of my life. I've learned from my mistakes, I'm more experienced and am ready for LDR2.
If someone could figure out how to get the Philippines time in the same time zone as us, all of our problems would be solved as I guess we would all spend every evening on Yahoo or Skype:icon_lol:

Could of written that myself! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Englishman2010]

Could of written that myself! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

It could have been any one of us Dave, we all feel the same. What a sad bunch we are:icon_lol:

[quickwillow]

It’s made me feel better reading this I’m not the only person going crazy here. :crazy:
There are loads of us doing the same thing :Brick::Brick::Brick:

[James Hubbard]

It’s made me feel better reading this I’m not the only person going crazy here. :crazy:
There are loads of us doing the same thing :Brick::Brick::Brick:

Yes mate

spurred on by the knowledge that there is an end in sight :)

and thank God, my life can resume again in October when i go there, and November when she comes here :D

**sigh of relief**

[KeithD]

One week the guys are all scratching each others eyes out :hubbahubba: ..... the next week they are all hugging and kissing each other :cwm24: :grouphug:

[Steve.r]

Just like a proper marriage :icon_lol::doh:xxaction-smiley-047

[-sillybilly-]

Yes mate

spurred on by the knowledge that there is an end in sight :)

and thank God, my life can resume again in October when i go there, and November when she comes here :D

**sigh of relief**

Not long now James! What is important right now is you know that your love one is always there waiting for you and at the end of the day you sigh and say " another day is gone" means you have survive and days are coming pretty fast! :)

[James Hubbard]

One week the guys are all scratching each others eyes out :hubbahubba: ..... the next week they are all hugging and kissing each other :cwm24: :grouphug:

Fancy a kiss :):hubbahubba:

[James Hubbard]

Not long now James! What is important right now is you know that your love one is always there waiting for you and at the end of the day you sigh and say " another day is gone" means you have survive and days are coming pretty fast! :)

Thanks for that encouragement :D

JH

[-sillybilly-]

Fancy a kiss :):hubbahubba:

James speaking about kiss! Remember ive said that i will give the delivery boy a kiss if i got my visa?

Well it turned it out that i gave a hundred pesos for his snacks....couldnt imagine myself kissing an old sweaty man! (peace! :D)
He looked knackered and look :Sex: up from all the deliveries.

But i did say thank you!

[James Hubbard]

hahahahahaha!

that's funny :D

very good, you are so excited :D

!!!!:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[purple]

Just keep everything positive James. Make yourself even more busier and the days/months will pass by so fast, you'll never know that you and your mahal are in each other's arms. It is not easy, life and relationship never will.

Hoping all the best of luck and happiness for you and your mahal. In few days time it will be august and soon the "ber" months comes in :)

[stevewool]

well i am happy emma has one more sleep there and the next sleep will be with me , if i let her:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::do_it:

[Sim11UK]

In few days time it will be august and soon the "ber" months comes in :)

You mean christmas :omg:

[English Rose]

I don't even have work to distract me. Also he has lost his phone in the storm, and there are problems with the computer shop so I don't hear from him very often. What helps? Immersing myself in music. I play keyboard, violin and recorder and entertain at care home/active living homes. Seeing the frail and elderly smiling and singing helps put a smile on my face too!

[James Hubbard]

What helps?

. . .

Seeing the frail and elderly smiling and singing helps put a smile on my face too!

Hi English Rose :)

I think you answered your own question there - ....

do the thing that puts a smile on your face :) :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[KeithD]

...... Seeing the frail and elderly smiling and singing helps put a smile on my face too!
:yikes: You've seen me in the bath???? http://www.smileyshut.com/smileys/new/free-love-smileys-360%5B1%5D.gif

[aposhark]

James,

I think we all feel like this when we are waiting to be with our dearest one again.

I got through my lonely days by working as many hours as I could as I am self-employed and every hour helps financially.

Of course this forum was, and still is, a great outlet to give and receive help, as well as the occasional rant.

I also jogged a lot. I mean about five times a week, sometimes up to 10 miles at a time.
Jogging gave me the time and space in my mind to concentrate on the reasons for working and the future benefits from these endeavours.
I found that I could run easier when I thought about my plans for my dear mahal and what her dreams would be.
It was better for me to think like this rather than think of her softness and beauty, as that could have put me in a downward moping spiral :NoNo:

Keeping busy and being as optimistic as possible is the key, I feel. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[James Hubbard]

Hehe

thanks for that Mike! I'm not yet fit enough to jog, but maybe I'll start walking!

I really appreciate your words ... very very useful indeed :)

James.

[sars_notd_virus]

-When your life is "on hold", what do you do to take away the boredom and lonliness?

I think i have been spending waaaayyy too much time on this forum, but it's so convenient ... here with me in my comfy chair ... but I feel i am missing out on life ...

grrrrr

cheers for listening

James "get it all out" Hubbard!





Go out James!!! u still got a life of your own
i know TIME and WAITING could be the worst enemy of human lolz
(it wont be long though 2months and you will be with your wife ,...so u got more reason to smile and be even more happier)
cheers!!

[James Hubbard]

yeh mari, you're right!

it's just that 2 months seems like a long time

but ... in saying that ... it's actually a week and a day since i posted my "good news" that her visa was granted, so ... maybe time does go in quickly hahaha! :xxgrinning--00xx3::Rasp:

[James Hubbard]

grr

double post again... sorry

[stevewool]

its does go quick james before you realize its here:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[sars_notd_virus]

grr

double post again... sorry

yes James..it will be as quick as posting it twice lolz:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[James Hubbard]

haha thanks steve and mari

[sparky]

i think one of the biggest problems we all face is that your/our UK friends dont understand.Which means that they dont undertsand your problems like the others on forums like this do - therefore i guess we use the forum as a support network for our problems and troubles with our asian partners

if the friends have never been to the philippines and experienced the culture they cant see what we get excited about .

however on the flip side- our support network on here does mean that you make new friends:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Englishman2010]

Completely agree with you Sparky, that's why we are all here as we all experience more or less the same problems. If our mates knew the answers to our problems and could advise on immigration matters, none of us would be here.

..and yes forums are a great way to make new friends with people who have similar experiences and interests.

[KeithD]

..... If our mates knew the answers to our problems and could advise on immigration matters, none of us would be here.......
Get yourself some intelligent mates then :laugher: ............... :cwm24: ................. :xxparty-smiley-004:

[stevewool]

i think one of the biggest problems we all face is that your/our UK friends dont understand.Which means that they dont undertsand your problems like the others on forums like this do - therefore i guess we use the forum as a support network for our problems and troubles with our asian partners

if the friends have never been to the philippines and experienced the culture they cant see what we get excited about .

however on the flip side- our support network on here does mean that you make new friends:xxgrinning--00xx3:

wel said sparky lots of people dont understand , only the few that are intrested :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[bornatbirth]

after reading this thread anybody else feels like :behead: themselfs? :D

[Pete/London]

My wife is away so I thought I would come on here to cheer myself up:dohgona listen to some Morrisey instead:)

[James Hubbard]

after reading this thread anybody else feels like :behead: themselfs? :D

not til you mentioned it! :doh

[KeithD]

after reading this thread anybody else feels like :behead: themselfs? :D

No.... we just feel like doing that to you :Wave:

[Ayumbar]

Hi all!

I know I am new here and I have not viewed all of the threads yet, so please forgive me if I say the obvious. At the same time, I am not in a situation or at a stage yet, which was mentioned by the OP, so of course I cannot truely relate to this.

Do you guys who use this site often, not arrange social gatherings somewhere in the UK?

In doing so, could perhaps then lead onto other activities every month or 2. I know this would incur a cost - some more than others - but I've seen this happen on other forums (different subject type) and the feedback is usually good. Of course it cannot fill that weekly void, but is an idea. Apologies if that is already mentioned somewhere.

In some ways I feel I could suggest something, but it perhaps would not remove the boredom you guys are feeling. I went through a period last summer where I was working up north for a few months. I was simply bored as I knew only those at work and we'd go out once a month to the pub after work. Otherwise there was a big void after work. What helped for me, was choosing a course with the OU, doing bookkeeping and accounting. It was only for 12 weeks, but I got into it and got a high score. I never followed it up with anything though afterwards, but it was a good time killer. Of course though, OU incurs cost which could be needed elsewhere but they do photography and creative writing courses for something different.