Losing your Father - one of lifes defining moments ?

[Dedworth]

Following on from PM Camerons sad loss a radio talk show this morning was discussing this subject.

I've lost both parents and I certainly feel changed in some ways that are hard to define. Oddly enough some happy memories that have been tucked away for years are released.

[triple5]

I lost my dad when I was 11 and in many ways it changed me forever. Still, to this day, its the worst thing that ever happened to me.

[Pete/London]

Completely agree with you both, I lost my Dad on my 50th birthday and never feel like celebrating it since, then my Mum followed a couple of years later. Still feel the loss and regret the fact I did not find out more about their early life.

[joebloggs]

I lost my dad when I was 11 and in many ways it changed me forever. Still, to this day, its the worst thing that ever happened to me.

same with me, just started secondary school when my dad died, but just as bad, if not worse my step dad of more than 20 yrs died nearly 7 yrs ago :NoNo: and less than a yr later it lead to my mom to have a break down, she was in a coma and given little hope of surviving, 5yrs+ later shes still here thou :rolleyes:

[stevewool]

my dad left us when i was young with my own little children, being the youngest from a very large family we was shelterd alot from death , i have great memories and some bad ones too, but aint it funny what ever your dad taught you or the words he spoke to you were and re still the best advice we can all take into our own life , i do miss him also my mum and i wish they where here to see emma and to see how there son is so happy again , but then again i do know that they are always in my throughts so really they are always here:)

[joebloggs]

as crazy as it seems, what hit me most was not long ago, when i had to put my dog down :NoNo: maybe because the other deaths i could do nothing about and was not there, while with my dog i watch her struggle when the vet injected her and it was my decision (thou the vet told me it was time) :bigcry:

[Dedworth]

but aint it funny what ever your dad taught you or the words he spoke to you were and re still the best advice we can all take into our own life ,

You are so right there.

One of the funny one I remember and thought about it earlier whilst driving was always said after some idiot tailgated then roared past him - "look at that maniac he won't get there any faster". Sure enough you see them half a mile up the road stopped at the next set of lights revving the engine itching to burn more fuel................

[stevewool]

i remember my dad coming out driving with me in the works lorry , i was so fast then showing off sort of thing and it had to happen, the first crash, well my world caved in that night , hit a car that shunted into others , no one hurt , but wow that shocked me , my dad could see i was upset , all he did was tell me to say nothing to the coppers while he rolled his fag between his fingers , then after licking it together and just before he lite it , he said to me, well steve that car you hit shot like a f---king bullet , thats the first time i heard my dad swear and it made me smile and still does today :)

[Doc Alan]

Losing our loved ones is something which of course happens to all of us. I lost my Dad ( a GP but unfortunately a cigarette smoker) at 78. The Prime Minister's father was 77. Both reasonable life spans, but still painful to lose them. The responses to this thread just remind us how unfair life and death can be. All most of us would wish is that our parents live to a good age and don't suffer ...if only that was always the case ...It actually doesn't much help being professionally trained (or even the Prime Minister) to deal with these personal events. A supportive family and friends certainly help.
I'm sure it's good whenever possible to remember the good things about our loved ones, yes ,with "rose-tinted spectacles", because they weren't perfect and neither are we !

[Arthur Little]

My father was the kindest, most generous man anyone could wish to meet. He and I rarely ever "fell out" ... until he tried to teach me to drive :drivingx: [a skill which, sadly, I never DID master to this day!]. He and my late first wife were very close ... SHE having lost her own father before our marriage.

Dad died suddenly of a heart attack - caused by complications of emphysema - early in January 1989 ... 2/3 months short of what would've been his 77th birthday. My wife died barely 3 years later - just before Christmas 1991.

Mum, however, lived on until the end of millennium year ... and, bless her, was a great source of comfort to her widowed, [by then] middle-aged, elder son (yours truly) - not least when various, *ill-fated romantic liaisons of mine had broken down. I used to think she was against me remarrying because of *those ... but "No", :NoNo: she said to me, "Nothing would make me happier, than to see you settled with, say - a nice homely widow!"

Then ... for the third time, the 'grim reaper' struck in the midst of the festive season ... when my mother passed away very suddenly [like my dad had - from a heart attack] whilst she and I were spending Christmas 2000 with my daughter. What a dreadful shock! :cwm24: Okay, she was nearly 85 ... but I'd hardly known her to have had a day's illness in her long life, and indeed fully expected her to survive me!

So yes ... I really miss my parents. :bigcry: And I dearly wish my mum could've lived to see me NOW ... happily married to Myrna! :)

[JimOttley]

Slightly different take on things folks, sorry.

For me it was a relief when my father died in 1985, he was a good man in many ways but in later years he made my mothers life a misery, he had serious alcohol problems it ruined our family life.

A smart capable professional man who had been seriously damaged by World War 2 but I never realised how much until after he died.

I was heartbroken, I had hugely mixed emotions when he died but ultimately he had made the previous fifteen years hell for all the family and that takes precedence in my memories.

My mother looked after him in his last two years he was 66 when he died primarily from Crohn's disease but there were other basic problems.

My poor mother was already suffering with ovarian cancer while she cared for my dying father, she lasted 9 months after he died, she was unaware of her illness, right to the end she always told us did not want to know if she had cancer. She died a day or two before my sister gave birth to twins, she never saw them which made me very sad.

A terrible thing to say but my mother's pain and torture at my father's hands was over, so my mothers death was also a relief.

It was a terrible time in my life that I am not sure I ever fully recovered from but at least they are at peace now.


Jim

[Arthur Little]

A very heart-rending story, Jim ... and one that is bound to be filled with mixed emotions for you and your siblings. :68711_thanx: so much for your courage in sharing it with us. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[rani]

my father left us when i was a year old.. i've got no memories and haven't felt the love of a father which i am longing for until now :bigcry:

[-sillybilly-]

I know how you feel guys...my husband's father died just a few years ago. He told me about things that sometimes he can still feel his father's presence (ghost?):omg::D. Like if hes having some difficulties, he will give him a sign that things are gonna be positive. And we do keep his stuff. We talked about his dad, and i can feel he misses him. And now we are married he treats my dad as his real father aswell. They were very close and i saw the father and son conversation that he was longing for. I told him even if hes not with us his memories will always stay in our mind, his works and his advices.

[joebloggs]

Slightly different take on things folks, sorry.

he made my mothers life a misery, he had serious alcohol problems it ruined our family life.

I was heartbroken, I had hugely mixed emotions when he died but ultimately he had made the previous fifteen years hell for all the family and that takes precedence in my memories.


i've been in a similar situtation with my younger brother, for near 20yrs he made my parents life hell, I had to go and Identify his body, like you mixed emotions, at least it was all over for him, but for those that are still here the problems and damaged he caused are still carrying on to this day :NoNo:

[mickcant]

Following on from PM Camerons sad loss a radio talk show this morning was discussing this subject.

I've lost both parents and I certainly feel changed in some ways that are hard to define. Oddly enough some happy memories that have been tucked away for years are released.

Hi all,:Wave:
I lost mum in 1987 aged 79 and dad in 1996 ageed 91, but my twin brother and I were the youngest in the family so had the least time with them.
I used to love listening to them about how things were in their early days!
Now I am very into our family tree, I wish I had recorded what they said!
I think they would be very intrested in how much I have managed to uneart abot their parents and much farther back.
Mick. :ReadIt:

[Pete/London]

Hi all,:Wave:
I lost mum in 1987 aged 79 and dad in 1996 ageed 91, but my twin brother and I were the youngest in the family so had the least time with them.
I used to love listening to them about how things were in their early days!
Now I am very into our family tree, I wish I had recorded what they said!
I think they would be very intrested in how much I have managed to uneart abot their parents and much farther back.
Mick. :ReadIt:

I started looking into my family tree after I lost my Mum and Dad and regret not finding out more of their early life, unfortunately I did discover a certain birth nearly 100 years ago that was about 6 months premature and now a part of the family refuses to help with my search :D

[mickcant]

I started looking into my family tree after I lost my Mum and Dad and regret not finding out more of their early life, unfortunately I did discover a certain birth nearly 100 years ago that was about 6 months premature and now a part of the family refuses to help with my search :D

Hi Pete,:Wave:
Yes it is surprising what comes to light when you start getting birth-marriage and death certificates, we then find births not long after the marriage which was frowned on in the early 1900s!

I found a brother of my dad’s grandfather had two families one that was known about and another while he was in the Army.

One distant relative that burst into tears when I asked about her father, as she thought the man married to her mother was not her father, I did quietly get her birth certificate and he was registered as the father, but the mother might have sought some help of course!

My brother when I asked about his son’s early marriage that ended in divorce said do you have to include it, it’s over now, they would not say anything about it but a sister of mine kept a scrap book and I copied cuttings from that about the marriage.

A family tree is really just about facts, my three marriages and what has happened with my third current one is included in my tree.
Mick.
:ReadIt:

[mikey73]

my mum passed away in march of 2007, miss her dearly. the strange thing was that i always have my phone on silent, but for some reason i woke up during the night and turn my ring on the phone and 20 min later i recieved the call that mum had died. sadly dad passed away suddenly in march of this year again miss him dearly as well.

[malditako]

i lost my dad my when i was only 2 years old..and having a dad is something i missed in my life...

[Rosie1958]

Reading this thread made me cry. My mum was 68 when she died 12 years ago. She had Alzheimers disease which was an extremely distressing and debilitating condition. My dad cared for her as long as he could at home before she eventually had to go into a care home where she eventually died.

My dad was 5 years younger than mum and was diagnosed with full blown Leukemia in January this year and given just 9 months to live. Sadly life was cruel and he only last 4 weeks and died 7 months ago. His condition is thought to have come about whilst serving in the Royal Air Force at Christmas Island in 1959 during the atom bomb test clean up operations where he was subjected to high levels of radioactive debris.

Losing my lovely dad so recently has made dealing with my brother's urgent situation harder to deal with as my brother and I only have each other left. :bigcry: I took one of dad's neck ties with me and left it with him at the hospital last week as a means of comfort.

I am sure that mum and dad are watching over us and I take a lot of comfort from that.

[stevewool]

life goes on . we all know that , we all would like to share our great moments with our loved ones, i am thinking of taking a picture of my mum and dad with me to my and emmas wedding just to show them how proud and happy i will be on that day silly it sounds , i lost my dad over 25 years ago and mum 10 years but still see them as they where to me everyday, long as we never forget there memory then they are never gone :)

[gWaPito]

I noticed this thread back in the summer but, never found the courage to read it, until today. I lost my Dad 2 years ago. I was there when it happened. I had never felt pain and grief like it. Like having your stomach torn out. I too wanted to die just to be with him. Like Rosie, i been moved to tears reading the above posts, i knew I would be. Reason im reading it now, is because my Sister Dawn called me to say Mum was in hospital. I can tell you I dont cry easy, My Dad was the last time 2 years ago and before that, i cant remember. So, there I was, crying again. We all know its going to happen to us, we never think its going to be, just yet. I read win to win post yesterday about the bear about to attack the non beliver. Ie when all else fails, call for God. I didnt wait that long.

[grahamw48]

My dad died of a stroke 6 years ago.

I held his hand while he was unconscious and just convulsing on the hospital bed.
He passed away a few hours later. No goodbyes.

To me he will always be that big strong man I was so proud of, arriving home at Christmas in his Royal Navy uniform, with lots and lots of presents.

[Arthur Little]

Ie when all else fails, call for God. I didnt wait that long.

:iagree:, Mark ... at times like these it's our FAITH that holds us together. Here's hoping your mother will soon be on the road to recovery. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Arthur Little]

To me he will always be that big strong man I was so proud of, arriving home at Christmas in his Royal Navy uniform, with lots and lots of presents.

Memories like those never die, Graham ... and I'm very sure your father knew how much you loved, respected and admired him. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

Death is Sad for Those Left Behind :NoNo:

http://s1.hubimg.com/u/1359652_f248.jpg

my dad died when i was 11, but 5yrs later i was lucky to have the best stepdad there could be for 22yrs.:rolleyes: until his death :NoNo:

a reality check for me recently if i wanted to see 4yr old little joe grow up, I would have to change my life style and take meds for the rest of my life, as I've just discovered i have severe blood pressure :NoNo:

to those who have lost your father, or even stepfather a song that reminds me of the good times :rolleyes::rolleyes:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESjlmnY4pGw

[gWaPito]

Sorry to hear your story Joe. David Gates wrote a song in memory of losing his Dad 'If'. That can catch me out unexpectedly. How great a comfort music can be. Thank heavens for talented God gifted people like Or Gates. Reading that poem reminded me that all 6 of my siblings recited a poem each at our Dad's funeral. Heart rendering stuff I can tell you. You could hear a pin drop in our Church.