Need outsiders' perspective

[ranger74]

Hi all

My first post here after browsing for a while. I've read some of the relationship threads with interest as I try to work out if my relationship with a Filipina has the future that I hope it does. I've taken quite a bit from the discussions here, but I thought my best bet might be to describe my own situation and get an outsider's perspective on whether I'm a complete idiot or not.

Okay, so the background. I met my girlfriend through an online dating site about 4 months ago as I was planning a short trip to the Philippines. We had some great conversations and began spending hours every day chatting right up to when I arrived there 6 weeks ago. I was only there for a week and we spent every available moment together and the feelings that I'd already started to develop grew into something much more real once we'd had that face to face time. By the time I left, I was in love and it seemed she was too. We were saying the words and officially became boyfriend/girlfriend (just ask facebook).

When I got home, we chatted even more on yahoo and began making plans for her to visit me. She had been employed right up to the time I arrived, but quit her job so that she could spend the week with me. She's from a poor family but as the youngest daughter, she was supported through university and received a degree, although she hadn't found work in her field and had been employed in a call centre.

I'm not a wealthy guy. I'm a single father of two girls and live frugally in order to save the money to travel at least once a year. But I am obviously in a better financial position than her, and I began sending money so that she could begin putting together a visa application. So far, I've sent a lot more than the actual cost of the visa as there were always new expenses that I hadn't anticipated. She needed to have some teeth extracted, for example, and obviously I hated the thought of her in pain, so I sent money for that. Then her sister borrowed some of her money and didn't repay it, so I had to send some more. Although it was stretching me financially, I was fine with that. I just wanted to get her over here.

During this time, she began working through an online employment site, doing data entry etc. She was offered employment by a businessman who wanted to contribute to some Filipino charities and needed an assistant to act as a go between. The job sounded a little fishy to me from the beginning, but she needed the money, so I didn't make an issue of it when the guy wanted to meet her for dinner to discuss the job. Privately, I was thinking that this guy had seen her profile picture on the website and fancied her, so he was basically inventing a job for her as an excuse to get to know her. When she came back from the dinner, she told me that the guy was really nice, reminded her of me and had been very flattering. They met several times over the next few days and she told me that he was taking a romantic interest in her. She said she'd just do the job for him and then that would be it, knowing that I was uncomfortable with a wealthy businessman courting my girlfriend while I was all the way over here.

But as time went on, they remained in contact, chatting on yahoo often and exchanging text messages. I know this because she was telling me about it, and that fact made me try to rein in my jealousy. If she was planning to cheat she wouldn't tell me any of that. But still, I was concerned that they would continue getting to know each other better and that he might steal her from me. Yes, I realise that seems very insecure. But from my point of view, the job had been completed and now she was simply socializing with a man who had obvious intentions, despite the fact that she is in a relationship with me. I asked her to stop seeing him and eventually she said she understood and agreed to do so.

The guy continued to contact her and invite her places, including on a trip with him to Hong Kong. She declined, but when he asked her to accompany him to dinner again while he met with his godchild (that he apparently sponsors), she told me she would go. I wasn't happy about it and eventually she said she wouldn't. The next day, she lodged the visa application and texted me afterwards saying that she was really exhausted and was going to go straight home and sleep. We chat every night, so I thought it a little odd that she wouldn't want to get online and at least briefly talk about what had happened with the visa. I texted back and asked her to just get on for 15 minutes before resting. No reply.

About an hour later, while she should have still been on her way home from the embassy, I called her phone and she didn't pick up. Over the next few hours, I called and texted several more times. By this time, I was starting to suspect that she'd decided to meet this guy after all. I guess my texts made it clear what I was suspecting even though I didn't make accusations (more along the lines of simple "where are you?" and "what's going on?"). Still no response until eventually, her phone stopped ringing and I was unable to connect at all.

I had convinced myself by that point that she was with him. I didn't expect that she was cheating, but the fact that she'd lied about not seeing him and then made a lame excuse and gone anyway...I was upset. But as the hours ticked by without word from her, I began to feel genuinely worried that something had happened to her. By the next day, i could see only two possibilities: she'd been in an accident and was dead or in hospital, or she'd stayed with the guy all night.

She finally contacted me at around midday Philippines time the next day, saying she was sick and had come straight home, taken some medication and passed out for 14 hours. I was relieved that she was okay, but I'm not buying the story. At best, she went out and met him, got home late and slept until midday. At worst, she spent the night with him. I don't want to believe the worst because why would she be so open and honest about the guy if she had any intention of sleeping with him? But then, I'm still upset if she saw him at all because it means she completely disregarded my feelings and lied to me.

We still haven't spoken properly today, just a few text messages in which she's let me know that she didn't appreciate the tone of my early messages (in which I clearly suspected she'd lied). She's mad at me apparently, even though I'm the one who had a sleepless night wondering if she was dead, injured or screwing some other guy.

Sorry about the length of this post but I wanted to get it all off my chest. There's still some things I could continue babbling about, but based on the information above, am I being paranoid and possessive or is it likely that I am being deceived and used?

[shrek48]

what do i know so please feel free to totaly ignore me :) trust is trhe corner stone of any relationship and it would seem you do not trust her. i would be suspicious that on the night of the supposed meet with her boss she became ill and no contact with you after all the previous contact ! be wary and make sure you get to the truth. and stop sendiong money until you are certain its love and forever.hope this helps.
:olddude:

[purple]

Hi ranger74,

As I was reading your post. I have some conclusions but only your instincts can tell you that. Either she is sailing between two rivers or passing out for 14 hours is the best you could possibly buy from your gf. I've been to VFS twice this year to apply for visa and it had been declined because the entry clearance officer is not convinced that I will come to Phils. (need to show money in my bank and properties of my own) which I don't and second application is wrong visa application because it should be spouse visa.
Back to your concern, ask her in details as to what happened. Ask probing questions and explain to her that you are only concerned which is true. Ask what her parents/family did when that happened.
I work remotely as well as Internet Marketer/Data Entry/Article Writer and for business/work ethics I don't go on a date with my boss. Yes, I think going on a dinner is considered as a date I think. When I was dating/online dating with my then husband. I never see anyone because I am fully committed.
I am not sure how you two come to terms with your relationship.. are you two dating exclusively? or does she allow you to date or go to dinner with someone else?

Express your feelings to her, that you care about her and you want her for yourself if she wants the same from you.

A filipina or anyone is trustworthy when she will genuinely feel for you. If not, like everybody else knows how to play the game like every body does.

I don't want to prejudge her, but to me it seems like she is sailing on two rivers and trying to keep afloat either for personal or financial motives.

I know this doesn't help but just pointing out my view.


Best,
Rohany

[stevewool]

its hard to be so many miles away but if you have these thoughts now act on them, take time away from each other and wait for her to reply first , then if she does tell her your thoughts and be truefull, reading what you have said you are saying this man and your partner went away and he either had sex or tried too, you must ask her this only to clear your head, good luck, but remember there are lots of other people that are waiting for someone to love who ever they are

[ranger74]

shrek: I have trusted her in all respects except when it comes to this particular guy. She has many male Filipino friends and often goes out with them to movies or whatever and it's never bothered me in the slightest. But because I suspected this man's motives from the beginning, it's been a sensitive subject and the fact that she continues to communicate with him, even though she tells me about it, has made me uneasy. Last night's events have me really questioning for the first time whether she's as committed to me as I am to her. And yes, I won't be sending any more money. The visa application has been lodged and my finances stretched to their limit.

Rohany: Yes, we did agree to see each other exclusively. She actually became jealous over a harmless comment I left on another Filipina's facebook wall (someone I have never had any romantic interest in, just a casual acquaintance). I deleted the girl from my friend list to satisfy her.

I think I've already made my feelings to her clear, but it seems like she doesn't think those feelings are valid, even though she said she understood me.

I think you're both probably right. She's keeping her options open. I don't know whether that's a huge problem for me or not. If she's sleeping with him, then obviously it's over, as much as that would hurt after the emotional investment I've made (not to mention financial). If she's still not 100% sure if I'm the one, then that's understandable, but if her indecision results in a loss of trust between us....

The thought of breaking up with her tears me apart, so I want to believe she's doing nothing wrong. I just don't want to end up feeling like a fool, broken hearted, humiliated in front of friends and family and significantly out of pocket.

Thank you both for your input.

[ranger74]

its hard to be so many miles away but if you have these thoughts now act on them, take time away from each other and wait for her to reply first , then if she does tell her your thoughts and be truefull, reading what you have said you are saying this man and your partner went away and he either had sex or tried too, you must ask her this only to clear your head, good luck, but remember there are lots of other people that are waiting for someone to love who ever they are

They didn't go away together. He invited her to do that but she said no. But they've had dinner on several occasions. As far as I know, he hasn't blatantly tried to seduce her but is constantly flattering her and often texts her telling her that he's thinking about her, misses her etc. I only know this because she tells me, which gives me some confidence that my fears are unfounded. But I still think it's inappropriate that she should meet with him over dinner and I still suspect that I haven't been told the truth about last night.

[purple]

I am sorry to hear if it breaks you apart. I only hope that everything will be cleared between you two.

[joebloggs]

did you met any of her family while you was with her in the phils?

you've known her 4 months, sent her money, met her, she told you about another guy - was this before or after you talked about a visit visa ? , applied for a visa and starts avoiding contact with you??

looks fishy, but you have met her thou..

[ranger74]

did you met any of her family while you was with her in the phils?

you've known her 4 months, sent her money, met her, she told you about another guy - was this before or after you talked about a visit visa ? , applied for a visa and starts avoiding contact with you??

looks fishy, but you have met her thou..

Damn. Lost my post.

I didn't meet her family, but I was only there a short time and so didn't think much about that. I never sent any money until after I'd met her and we began working toward the visa. This guy came on the scene just after I left the Philippines.

Other than the series of problems we've had about this guy, everything else is going really well. She has communicated with my kids and they are very excited to meet her. My mother sent a letter to her parents, assuring them that she would be well looked after here and she told me they really appreciated that. It's all been great except for this one problem and it doesn't look like that problem is going away, in fact, it seems to be becoming a bigger problem.

[Sim11UK]

LDP Long distance paranoia...it eats away at all of us at times. Have had my fair share of it in the past & it's almost a rite of passage.

We don't know the full story, but I'd be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt...I would feel uneasy about this other man though? But I can also see why she might be mad at you.

Hang in there :)

[Steve.r]

I am no-one to judge, but it does sound a little odd. I think you may just be a 'cash cow' for her right now and maybe this other guy is too. Being so far away, she can spin you any tales of what she is doing, you can't know for sure, and will never know. Warnings like losing money to a relative/friend, or medical treatment appear to be classic signs of scamming because it plays on your emotions. I would play it a bit cool for now, stop sending money immediately. I am not sure if there is any way you can check up on the visa application she has made, again, how do you know that she has done this??
Sounds too suss for me, and I am sorry about that. You have fallen in love, and looks like you are being used.
Keep us updated

[KeithD]

So she gets jealous of what you do, but gets annoyed if it's the other way round.... it has to be equal.

[kabayan]

Hi,

I understand how you think and the concern you have about the events around your girlfriend. I have felt the same concern a few times when love is 8000 km away from me.
It is important to you now clearly explains how you feel and that you do not feel so good about the situation she is in. If she does not understand, she makes you feel bad, I would not bet a penny more on her.
But you have to give her the chance to show who her heart belongs. If her age is 20-25 so she might not be so experienced to handle a relationship. Maybe she needs to learn?

Personally, I have very difficult for girls who do not show respect. If disrespect is due to lack of understanding, I can forgive, but the disrespect is due to selfish behavior with no concern for me, well then it's worse.

Good luck

[ranger74]

Update: She is really quite mad at me and I think it's very much disproportionate to my "crime". The only explanation I can think of is that she did see the other guy last night and something happened between them. Now she's deflecting her guilt onto me, making me feel like I've done something wrong, maybe trying to push me into saying something or doing something that will give her a reason to call things off.

I haven't given her that excuse and I hope I'm wrong, but that's what my gut is telling me. I'm still confused and kinda numb, but I feel like it might be over. To be honest, I don't know if I could trust someone again after this. Devastated.

[sars_notd_virus]

hello ranger74 welcome here!!!

''long distance and short distance relationship should be treated the same as far as feelings are concern both partners should be honest,faithful,trust each other its just the distance that makes the difference..''
like what ive said in my thread about it '''You only get out of the relationship what u are prepared to put in ...so if u dont make much effort, dont be surprised if u get dumped!!!''


my perspective:

money = She needed to have some teeth extracted....her sister borrowed some of her money and didn't repay it....she began working through an online employment site, doing data entry etc. The job sounded a little fishy to me from the beginning, but she needed the money,

**obviously,ur gf wants more money from u and my question to you,.. are u prepared to keep her because of money???***

honesty and trust= a businessman who wanted to contribute to some Filipino charities and needed an assistant to act as a go between.... she came back from the dinner, she told me that the guy was really nice, reminded her of me and had been very flattering..They met several times over the next few days and she told me that he was taking a romantic interest in her,..time went on, they remained in contact, chatting on yahoo often and exchanging text messages... the job had been completed and now she was simply socializing with a man who had obvious intention... The guy continued to contact her and invite her places,I had convinced myself by that point that she was with him....hours ticked by without word from her..she was sick and had come straight home, taken some medication and passed out for 14 hours

***although all of us have insecurities,it shouldnt be mistaken for being stupid (i hope u get what i mean?):rolleyes:

***in my view ur gf is seeing this man with or without ur approval becoz u said u trust her and in return ,to avoid guilt feeling in the future like if she was tempted and fall for this guy u wouldnt blame her becoz you already knew about it.



in the end..it will have to be 'you' or 'her' say...so goodluck!!

[Terpe]

ranger74
I'm really sorry to hear that your new found relationship is being affected by some uneasiness.
Anyone in long distance relationship potentially faces a hard time staying emotionally connected.
Personally I feel it's important to communicate in some way every day. These need not always be long, in-depth conversations, but establishing and maintaining that emotional connection is key.
I think that certain lack of communication on her part has played on your mind.

As has been said already trust is one of the keystones of a relationship!
Try to remind her that you DO trust her, but since you have never met this other guy and don't know him, that it is HIM you can't trust and that you feel afraid he may try to make a move on her. I am sure that if she cares about your feelings she'll understand this and find a way to put your mind at ease.

If however you discover that she does not deserve your trust then you will need to re-evaluate the relationship. anything for you to take that trust away.No real way of knowing for sure if she has let you down either by lying or cheating. But.. I do feel that
you do need to clear this up in you own mind.

In fact this is the time you need to show her you trust her.

I also feel that you both may need to make some decision and set some parameters.
All through life, we will keep meeting new people, or even suitors, and this current
situation may not be the last time it crops up.
You just need to trust that she has chosen you, and wants you, and not someone else.
So try not to get poisened by jealousy, but believe in the love you share.

We love each more when we care for each over anything else.
If the love is pure then distance should not be a concern.
There is no place of boundaries and distance in LOVE.

On the subject of money.
You will no doubt receive lots of advice on sending money.
It's really a personal decision we all make based on how we feel instinctively about a relationship and how much we trust our partner.
But, you certainly need to be aware of the pitfalls and potential outcomes.(not always good)

Again, my own view is to never send money that you cannot afford to lose.
Personally I tend to err on the side of compassion rather than being cold.(maybe a negative aspect of me) but only within certain limits.
Never send money that will place you and your family in a financially difficult position. Be aware it can and does happen. protect your family.

If she will ask for more money, just explain how your family also needs money and you cannot manage it just now. The truth.
If she is really cares about this relationship she will fully understand that you need to care for your children.

As for me, I would not send more at this time.

No offence intended ranger74
Just my own personal views on your situation as I see as an outsider.

[tomboo]

This makes for sad reading, it's so hard to have a long distance relationships, and hard for her too, but you proved you are serious by committing to a visa application. My view is its her turn now, she needs to show you she wants you and will do right by you. even if she went out with the guy for dinner i would not let it be the end, but for sure i would make it clear that NO EMPLOYER should expect his employee to have dinner with him. Once i could understand, twice i wouldnt. I would give her a little space, see how she responds to it. I dont see you making any crime here. You did what most people would do, you looked for reassurance.

Do you have proof she applied for the visa? Thats what id like to see if I was you..

why not see how the coming days or weeks go. seee if she makes a habit of not responding, if she does, well there are many good girls in Phils, however sad this experience is, theres always a silver lining ahead

[joebloggs]

Damn. Lost my post.

I didn't meet her family, but I was only there a short time and so didn't think much about that. I never sent any money until after I'd met her and we began working toward the visa. This guy came on the scene just after I left the Philippines.

Other than the series of problems we've had about this guy, everything else is going really well. She has communicated with my kids and they are very excited to meet her. My mother sent a letter to her parents, assuring them that she would be well looked after here and she told me they really appreciated that. It's all been great except for this one problem and it doesn't look like that problem is going away, in fact, it seems to be becoming a bigger problem.

you've chatted hours a day to her for months, she quit her job to spend 1 week in the phils with you and you didn't met any of her family, she must have told her family about you ? you go 6,000 miles and you don't see any of them, i would be a bit suspicious why ? . i hope i'm wrong thou :NoNo: but as sim as said LDP Long distance paranoia

[ranger74]

Thank you everyone. It's good to get some viewpoints from the outside from people who have a good idea of what I'm dealing with. Your advice is very much appreciated. I've dealt with long distance before but never in a situation like this where it's unsure just how long we'll be apart. For example, we don't know if the visa will be granted or not (and yes, she gave me the tracking number for the application, so she definitely lodged it).

After my last update, she sent a message that she loves me and to give her some time. I'm not really sure why she needs time, but I guess I must be coming across a bit intense and she's not used to that. She's 24 and has never been in what I would call a serious relationship (I'm 36 and divorced). I'm not sure what to think at the moment, but I'll give her the time she asks for and hope for the best.

[stevewool]

time is best for you both, its great to be in love but love happens over time and thats what you both have lots off,

[somebody]

Ok a few things

When you met her did you meet her friends and family? I doubt you would meet them all as Phill familes and social networks can be huge but did you?

With Facebook has she had the account for long what friends and family are on her account? Most young Filipinas (even the wifes aunts Maids Daughter who lives in a shack with no leccy has an account with hundreds of friends) will have an account which they will use regularly did it seem the usual suspects were on there ie her best friends brothers sisters possibly parents or hi tech aunts or uncles?

What im getting at is did she seem to announce you to everyone back there that is not saying for definte it means no issues but a good indicator..

You do need a lot of trust its possible she got ill and some of the meds in phill are not the best from experience..

She may well also be a little navie and possibly found this guy she thought was just an employer tried it on and she possibly maybe felt quite upset and embrassed due to that.

I would be wary but it does seem odd to mention a guy if a "love rival" but Sars and other Filipinas have and can explain the Pinay thought processes a 100 percent better than i ever could.


Your mind will be racing and she will have lots of doubts and worries. Remeber if she gets Visa she will have to enter an alien world away from the world she has known all her life where traveling to the nearest big town/city possibly was a massive adventure..

[joebloggs]

Ok a few things

.

Tottenham are still yet to beat United this century :xxgrinning--00xx3:

:icon_lol:

[ranger74]

I didn't meet her friends and family as it was such a short stay and we didn't consider it a real relationship until after we'd spent that time together. It was just the two of us for the whole week. But her facebook account has all her friends and her sisters on it, so it's now common knowledge to everyone that we're together. I've had friends of hers contact me through facebook and chatted with them briefly on yahoo. To those people, she's with me and I think it would come as a surprise if she was suddenly with someone else.

[sars_notd_virus]

Tottenham are still yet to beat United this century :xxgrinning--00xx3:

:icon_lol:

''women are not allowed to play in fields'':D:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Malleus]

Hi Ranger

Im very sorry to hear of your situation. I really understand what its like for you. I have recently ended an LD relationship with a filipina girl because of trust issues.

Like everyone else who replied to your original post, I can only offer an outsiders opinion, based on what you have told us here.

I debated whether to add my tuppence worth, as Im afraid its pretty bleak and I don’t want to discourage you. But it really helped me when other members here kindly offered their views on my predicament, so I will reciprocate in the hope that it will at least help you to clarify your own thoughts on the issue (notice I said thoughts not feelings :)) Its gonna be a bit long winded too, so you might want to put the kettle on first :icon_lol:.

To begin with, your post raises a lot of red flags to me.

Firstly, you met on a dating site. Nothing wrong with that, however it also means you are almost certainly not the only guy she has met. You have no idea how many other guys she has met or is talking to. Even if her profile is no longer on the site, you don’t know if she is still keeping in contact with other suitors or even if she is meeting up with them. You don’t know what she is doing when she is not online. In fact, you don’t know ANYTHING for sure. All you know is what she chooses to tell you. That’s your sole source of information. So that brings us to the question of whether you can trust her or not.

Looking at it rationally, you have only spent a few months chatting online, and only a few days with her in person. This is far too little time to get to know someone well enough to trust them. Trust takes time to build, and must be earned. Its not an entitlement. Unfortunately, the advent of the internet, messenger chats and social media creates a false illusion of intimacy. We feel because we chat and interact with someone online that we know a person, but its really not the case. The only way to know someone well is to spend time with them in person, over a long period.

Think about it. Would you trust a person you met here in the west, after only having known them for a week? More to the point, would you send them your hard earned money? Of course not. Just because (or perhaps ESPECIALLY because) this person is from different country and culture etc. should not change your behaviour. You should be just as reticent, if not more so.

Remember words are the cheapest commodity in the world, so don’t pay any attention to them. You must evaluate this girl based on her ACTIONS, not on her words.

For me, she should absolutely NOT be going for dinner with this guy if she is in a relationship. I know, you may think “oh but she told me about it, when she could have hidden it, so I can trust her”. This is a classic mistake. The truth is you don’t know her motivation for telling you. It could be that she is genuine and wants to be open, or she could be playing games to get you jealous and try harder to keep her, she could be trying to make you feel you can really trust her, or a myriad of other reasons. In addition, as I mentioned above, you have no idea how much of this story is true, or even if any of it is true. All you have is her word, which you should disregard completely when making up your mind here. Actions are all that matter. So lets look at her actions.

To begin with the job he was offering her sounds very fishy to me too. Also, as you quite correctly pointed out, she should not be socialising with a man who clearly has amorous intentions towards her. The fact that she wanted to continue to do so speaks VOLUMES to me. At the very least, she is keeping her options open. Unfortunately she may well be doing more than that. She grudgingly agrees not to meet up with this rich suitor, then promptly (and uncharacteristically) vanishes for the whole night, conveniently getting sick and passing out for the night. This should really be setting off alarm bells.

However for me, the most telling thing of all is the utterly disproportionate anger she is displaying towards you when you are naturally suspicious about what she is doing. I have personally seen this particular over reaction before many times, and it’s a classic symptom of a guilty conscience. If this girl is truly serious about you, she should be doing everything possible to reassure you and build your trust, not get mad at you for questioning her (pretty questionable) behaviour.

Furthermore, as you mentioned she comes from a poor family, and life can be pretty difficult there when one is poor. So it really raised my eyebrows when I read that she quit her job so that she could spend a week with you. This doesn’t make sense to me. Jobs are not that easy to come by in the current climate, and that is an extraordinary thing to do, when money is so tight, just so that she could spend some extra time with you for a few days. How did she expect to support herself after she quit this job?

Which brings us to the question of you sending her money. This is a minefield. As you indicated, you are a single father with two kids to support and things are pretty tight for you. You are effectively sending money to someone you don’t know, while you and your family are living frugally. Im also disturbed by the nature of her requests for money, as you point out there is always something else, always a reason to send more.

To sum up, you are putting a lot of trust in someone who you don’t really know and who hasn’t earned it yet. Furthermore, her actions are HIGHLY suspicious, and in my gut I really feel she is playing you. I hope I am wrong. I would also ask you to reconsider the wisdom of sending money to, and sponsoring the visa application for, a girl you have only spent a few days with in person. This is a HUGE step, and one that should only be taken after a lot of careful consideration. It also goes without saying that you should only do this for someone that you trust and that you know is committed to you. IMHO you are not at that point yet with this lady.

Your heart is incapable of being objective or rational when you are strongly attached to a person. You have to be rational about this. At the very least, if you still decide to continue, you should reign in your feelings and take things more slowly. If she is the right one for you, this will become clear over time and you can expedite matters at that point. If she is not, then that will become clear too, and you will have saved yourself a whole world of pain and misery.

I hope my frankness hasn’t offended you. As Rani and sars_notd_virus kindly said to me: everyone deserves to be happy, and so do you. I really wish you the best of luck.

[joebloggs]

:xxgrinning--00xx3: excellent reply Malleus

also why the ignoring of texts, calls etc and why tell you about the other guy ? either shes been honest with you or trying to get you jealous ?

[Terpe]

Malleus
Well done, and thank you for posting this reply, which we know comes from the heart.
Good to see to still here and good to see that you are able to share.

[joebloggs]

I didn't meet her friends and family as it was such a short stay and we didn't consider it a real relationship until after we'd spent that time together. It was just the two of us for the whole week. But her facebook account has all her friends and her sisters on it, so it's now common knowledge to everyone that we're together. I've had friends of hers contact me through facebook and chatted with them briefly on yahoo. To those people, she's with me and I think it would come as a surprise if she was suddenly with someone else.

well thats sounds like good news, so she is probably single, and more likely not a scammer but at worse could be 'using' you, so as sim has already said about paranoia and giving her the benefit of doubt, I could have accused my misses of many things over the years b4 we wed, but i gave her the benefit of doubt, but over the years i found out that most if not all my fears were wrong, so be-careful what if anything you accuse her of without good evidence or you could be sorry for a long time and regret it :cwm24:

[sars_notd_virus]

I'm happy you are happy now Malleus!!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Malleus]

Malleus
Well done, and thank you for posting this reply, which we know comes from the heart.
Good to see to still here and good to see that you are able to share.


I'm happy you are happy now Malleus!!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Thanks guys :) Yep Im still banging around here. Im afraid you are stuck with me now :icon_lol:

[bher]

aaaww... as terpe and joe said' GREAT JOB malleus.. thats an eye opener for ranger and to the other members here that will/ had experience that thing..

[ranger74]

Great response, Malleus. Thank you. You pretty much summed up everything that's going on in my head but my heart doesn't want to believe.

There is a bit more to the situation than requests for money and her trying to make me jealous, though. She has interacted with my children and my mother, she knows that I'm not well off and she sees that I'm a good man. If she's playing me, she would have to be a very cold-hearted person and that's not the impression I got at all when I was with her. If things turn out that way, I'll be shocked at how badly I judged her character.

Right now, I desperately want to talk to her and work things out but I'm trying to resist the urge to send yet another text message or email and I'll wait for her to contact me in her own time. The longer she takes to do that, the more clear it will be whether she is serious about me or not.

If it's over, I'll be crushed. And then comes the humiliation of telling my kids, family and friends that I was played for a fool and the great girl I was bringing to meet them all was with another man. :bigcry:

[grahamw48]

Whoa !

This is all happening very fast....too fast IMO. :NoNo:

You need a LOT more time together.

The signs do not look at all good to me.

Save your money for your next air ticket...and the next one after that.

Also I suggest you put your sensible head back on and have a browse on here: http://www.dragonladies.org/

She may be the most wonderful girl in the world, but then again...

[Arthur Little]

Ranger ... :welcomex: to the forum. Like everyone else who's responded to your thread, I wish you all the very best in this difficult dilemma. :xxgrinning--00xx3: Be assured, however, that here - whatever you decide - you need never feel as though you were the 'Lone Ranger'! :NoNo:

[rani]

very well said malleus... so glad that you're happily moving on :xxgrinning--00xx3:

communication plays a very important role to all LDRs.... so passing out for 14 hours which means no texting, emailing, sending message at fb is a joke especially if its a regular thing for both of you :rolleyes:

a warm welcome to the forum ranger :)

[stevewool]

if i passed out for 14 hours i would be buried before i woke and the kids would have all:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[rani]

if i passed out for 14 hours i would be buried before i woke and the kids would have all:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

hahaha... don't forget to add emma on your will before you passed out steve:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[stevewool]

indeed Rani Emma will be added soon ,and Rani we are planning next christmas to be in the phils so if you are there a big meet up with a party too:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[malditako]

as what others have said looks like this girl is milking you...how can she go out with another guy alone when she's committed to somebody else...stop sending her money and see what would she react...your relationship to her is too young to involve in sharing money...

its hard to recover from a broken heart but i guess its even harder to recover with a broken heart and a broken pocket...goodluck to u..follow ur instinct

[ranger74]

Another update: We talked for a long time today and have sorted things out. She has stayed with her original story but didn't really satisfy me as to why the calls went unanswered. I don't have enough evidence to openly accuse her of lying, so I'm going to trust that it's the truth or at least that there were only white lies. I won't be sending any more money though. The visa application has been lodged and I'll wait until we have much more time together before making any more financial investment in our relationship (other than the cost of the flights if she is approved for the visa).

We seem to be back to normal and I hope I've just had a case of LDP, but I'll definitely be a little more cautious and observant in future (without letting the paranoia get a grip). Thanks to everyone who has responded, you've been a great help and I'll give more updates in future. Hopefully happy ones :)

[rani]

indeed Rani Emma will be added soon ,and Rani we are planning next christmas to be in the phils so if you are there a big meet up with a party too:xxgrinning--00xx3:

looking forward to christmas 2011!!!! :Jump::Jump::Jump:

[rani]

i hope everything will go your way ranger.. good luck :Hellooo:

[purple]

good luck ranger.. sending money is a big no no in an early stage of relationship no matter what the excuses are. Get to know her better as you've only met once.

like every body else, trust takes time to build as it is a strong foundation in the relationship.

[somebody]

Tottenham are still yet to beat United this century :xxgrinning--00xx3:

:icon_lol:

Didn't even bother watching live as I saw Clattenburg was Refing like when we did beat you but sadly whiskeyface didn't allow clattenburg to give the goal:rolleyes:

Plus putting Keane and Jenas in the team said lets not b other to me:rolleyes:

Have 3 points you might need them soon when you go in to administration:Rasp:

[somebody]

Another update: We talked for a long time today and have sorted things out. She has stayed with her original story but didn't really satisfy me as to why the calls went unanswered. I don't have enough evidence to openly accuse her of lying, so I'm going to trust that it's the truth or at least that there were only white lies. I won't be sending any more money though. The visa application has been lodged and I'll wait until we have much more time together before making any more financial investment in our relationship (other than the cost of the flights if she is approved for the visa).

We seem to be back to normal and I hope I've just had a case of LDP, but I'll definitely be a little more cautious and observant in future (without letting the paranoia get a grip). Thanks to everyone who has responded, you've been a great help and I'll give more updates in future. Hopefully happy ones :)

I dont know the situation but is it worth texting saying possibly you may get a large cash sum (from a long lost aunt or bonsus at work etc) but nothing definte can I fly over but i would need to come in a few days and hey we can take the family n friends out to a restort etc. But keep stressing nothing is definte about the money, just a possibility.

See what occurs most Filipinas well lets face it most humans would love to see their Mahal at short notice regardless of the situation and would love them to share happiness and good times with family and friends (ok some family members she may not want you to meet for reasons all families have ups and downs but all of them???)

[Terpe]

indeed Rani Emma will be added soon ,and Rani we are planning next christmas to be in the phils so if you are there a big meet up with a party too:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Sorry Off Topic :icon_sorry:

I will also be in Phils Xmas 2011
Can I come to the party??
Promise to organise the lechon;)

[ranger74]

I dont know the situation but is it worth texting saying possibly you may get a large cash sum (from a long lost aunt or bonsus at work etc) but nothing definte can I fly over but i would need to come in a few days and hey we can take the family n friends out to a restort etc. But keep stressing nothing is definte about the money, just a possibility.

See what occurs most Filipinas well lets face it most humans would love to see their Mahal at short notice regardless of the situation and would love them to share happiness and good times with family and friends (ok some family members she may not want you to meet for reasons all families have ups and downs but all of them???)

I don't really want to test her trustworthiness by lying to her. If she's approved for the visa, I'll purchase the tickets for her and then we'll have the chance to spend a few months together and find out if what we have is real. If she's denied the visa, I'll go over to meet her and her family as soon as possible. I won't be sending any more money, not only because I have some doubts but because I can no longer afford to.

[Dedworth]

Best of luck ranger74. You mentioned Facebook, in my opinion a potentially dangerous site. This is what I posted a couple of months back

"I've never subscribed to any of these so called "social networking" sites as they are frequented by gossipers, con artists, wind up merchants, shysters, back stabbers etc."

[Steve.r]

If she's approved for the visa, I'll purchase the tickets for her.

I am glad you said that, DO NOT send her the money for the ticket, you purchase it for her, no matter what she says. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[baby38]

Been following this with a lot of intertest,but come to a sudden stop,whats happening now.

[LuisaKC]

She is single and 24... she's keeping her options Open. She liked u and she knows you really really like (even love) her. She may not be cheating you with someone... but She IS NOT INTO YOU AS MUCH AS YOU'RE INTO HER. The fact she didn't introduce you to her family when you wer here is one sign she is not as IN this RElationship as you are. Stop sending her money and try feel what would happen. I understand you're in a great deal of pain and confusion right now. And u learned to love her so much when you were here... and i'm sure she's nice and might be confused too right now. I know how hard it is to be in that situation believe me..confused and not knowing where you stand in someones life...but i guess the best as of now is deal with your feelings...control the jealousy first and look at things logically BEFORE YOU GO MUCH DEEPER.
When something's amiss STOP.LOOK.LISTEN.

[ranger74]

Everything's going well at the moment. Still waiting on the visa news. We've had a few really good talks in the last few days and there have been some confessions. Turns out she knew the other guy earlier than I thought and it was originally from the same dating site that we found each other. But she swears she's only met him on the few occasions that she already told me about. I'm trusting her on that.

I'm not sending any money. She started a new job this week but has let it be known that she'll be struggling until payday. I let it be known that I can't help at all and she insists that I've done too much already. I want to be able to talk openly about everything, but she steers the conversation away from that now.

She's still in contact with the other guy and insists it's a friendship. I've pointed out that a friendship goes two ways and he doesn't view it that way. She says he might have more work for her and she can use the money, so she doesn't want to burn her bridges.

I feel like she's being honest with me and I'm trying hard to accept the way things are, but I won't be happy until he's completely out of the picture. If she gets the visa, that should be the end of that, but if she doesn't I'm afraid it might drag on and on and it'll always be a problem.

As for not meeting her family, I don't view that as particularly odd or suspicious. I was there for a week and up until I arrived, it was just an online relationship. I didn't feel like meeting her family was something that necessarily had to happen. Her family definitely knows about me through facebook and the things I've had sent to her home (including a letter to her parents from my mother).

Again, I won't be sending any more money, so at this point I'm only taking an emotional risk, not a financial one. And I think she's worth it.

[ranger74]

Another quick update...

After yet another discussion on the subject, she just agreed to break off contact with him completely. Of course, there's no way to know if she really does, but i believe her and i'm very happy about it. She says that she completely understands it from my point of view and she's very apologetic for letting it go on this long. Things are looking good. Fingers crossed that we get good news from the embassy this week.

[Terpe]

ranger74
I'm so happy to hear to things seem to be looking better.
I wish all the best with the visa.

[rani]

Sorry Off Topic :icon_sorry:

I will also be in Phils Xmas 2011
Can I come to the party??
Promise to organise the lechon;)

would be nice to see you and other forum members here in the philippines... let's have a christmas 2011 party :Jump::Jump::Jump:

[Terpe]

I will for sure contact all Phils based members for meet up. Distance no problem:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[raynaputi]

count me in rani & terpe! :D :Jump:

[Terpe]

count me in rani & terpe! :D :Jump:

:xxgrinning--00xx3: for sure:)

[fred]

I did post a long drawn out message in regards your dilemma but seems it didn't publish!!..(lets just blame it on the Tanduay for now)
From memory,I briefly suggested you come back over for another 2 months and get to know her again for at least that long....
Personally, after living here on and off for 30 years I would not go ahead under any other circumstances!!
Bahala ka!!

[keithAngel]

I would second freds suggestion to much "terra icognito"

[baby38]

I would third what Fred says after 3 bad relationships with Filipino and one bad marriage ,I spent 3 months in the Phills with my present wife and had her here in Australia twice on 3 month visitors visas then we got married,iI know 2 close friends started chatting online rush over to the Phills got married after 10 days now both got problems,one of them his wife started having sex with Filipino men here shortly after she got here,waited for 2 years got her permanent visa then moved in with a Filapino who is married and his wife still in the Phills .

[ranger74]

Visa approved!

I understand what you guys are saying about spending more time there with her, but that's hard with my kid situation. Now we get to spend 3 months together and explore the relationship further. Wish us luck :)

[Terpe]

Visa approved!

I understand what you guys are saying about spending more time there with her, but that's hard with my kid situation. Now we get to spend 3 months together and explore the relationship further. Wish us luck :)

Congrats.:xxgrinning--00xx3:
I do wish you all good luck during the next 3 months.

I very happy the visa went well.
I must admit I was a bit concerned it may not get approved. Just didn't want to mention it.

[ranger74]

Yeah we were concerned, too! We both promised that we wouldn't give up if it was, but the extra time that we'd have spent apart may have proved too much in the end. We'll be separated again once the visa expires, but hopefully by then we'll both be more sure about the relationship and we'll cope better with the distance thing.

Thanks again everyone. You were all a great help.

[Steve.r]

Stick around though Ranger, let us know how things pan out ok :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[baby38]

Good luck Ranger,least 3 months be great to get to know each other better.

[Terpe]

Stick around though Ranger, let us know how things pan out ok :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Ranger, I too would be glad to hear how things go.
It's quite interesting that your gf is making this almost 'getting to know better' visit here to UK.
We are so used to hearing the outcomes when people go to Phils for this reason.

Would also be good to learn how she reacts to UK life, likes and dislikes etc
Plenty for you to post?

Best wishes for a great time together

[ranger74]

Will definitely return with updates. Really appreciated the advice for you all.

I'm not in the UK, though. Australia :)

[Terpe]

I'm not in the UK, though. Australia :)

Ah! Sorry ranger74 :doh
Still would like to hear follow up stories though :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I wonder if it's a little easier to be granted a visit visa to Oz than UK ?

[LuisaKC]

Hi. You do regular Xmas party in Phils? thats really cool.
@RANGER74: goodluck . Hope everythings works well. and stay happy:)

[ranger74]

She arrives tomorrow night. Nervous and excited :Jump:

[Terpe]

She arrives tomorrow night. Nervous and excited :Jump:

Good luck ranger74 :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Wishing happy times for you both :)

[baby38]

Where about in Australia You live Ranger,I live 3 hours north west of Brisbane.

[ranger74]

I'm 2 hours north of Melbourne. Thankfully we're coming into summer, so she won't have to deal with too much of a change in climate :)

[purple]

Good luck Ranger.. Hope it will not be like Mick Cant's situation.
Its good you two have good 3 months to spend together.

[stanthedog]

Read your story.understand thoughts in your head,i met my fiancee online,things progressed,i visited her,met family, it seems to be a must if she genuine to meet family for there approval,its tradition,seen all for myself what we had talked abt many times.in visa application,did you supply your details,address where she stay,finances,certificates etc,she needs them full stop.seems a bit strange,using you to a degree,i would cut my losses and run,there are thousands of filopinos ,genuine and true.try again thats my opinion

[lovelyme]

hi ranger,

is it clear to both of you that u are on exclusive dating? i cannot say any bad word about her as i dont know her but as for me, if you considered someone as bf/gf then that means you should commit yourself to that person and not date anyone else. maybe for her it's for job reasons only but the fact that the guy has interest on her is unacceptable.

also, ive been in a LDR as well and i never expected money from my ex. stop sending her money and let your feelings about each other be the basis for making your relationship work.

i wish you luck and be strong. after all, maybe she just needs time to think things up :)

[lovelyme]

hey ranger,

my previous post was inappropriate as you've already worked things out with your gf and she's going to see you :) i wish you luck and happiness ;-) update us :D

[grahamw48]

Maybe appropriate for others in the same situation though. ;)

[Terpe]

hey ranger,

my previous post was inappropriate as you've already worked things out with your gf and she's going to see you :) i wish you luck and happiness ;-) update us :D

I thought you made some valid opinion. Keep posting :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Languish]

First - i'm in no way standing in judgement. A lot of what you have said rings true to me too. I really, really hope this works out for you as i can see you are very emotionally invested into this relationship.

Second - Tough call - i've never sent a single penny to my girlfriend, but then again she does run a business herself, but still she would be insistent (and is) that this is something she does not want me to do. I think she wishes to distance herself from those that do this. I would not have recommend that you took that course of action - as you should build the relationship first and be clear from the outset that its the relationship first - financial support later (if ever).

Third - others have already mentioned it here, but trust is massively important. Never for one second have i doubt my girlfriend. We keep each other 100% informed of our activities and treat each other as husband and wife already. She knows my work and life patterns as do i hers. Each time i have visited her i have met friends, family and colleagues. She has ingrained me into her life so i know exactly, in my mind how her shop looks - who works there and the people she deals with. Its hugely reassuring to me and her. Our relationship has gone from strength to strength in the last 12 months.

I think your situation is salvageable, honestly i really do, but it needs a face to face (or webcam) conversation. Without actually saying you don't trust her you need to really say that you are so worried about this and (if anything) you should apologise if she misinterpreted your worry for being distrustful. I never hesitate to apologise to my girlfriend - not to keep the peace - but to show her i am sincere and that arguments bother me. Its not good to be unhappy in a relationship.

Sorry - bit of a brain dump message here :) but i really hope you get this resolved. Fingers crossed for you buddy! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[ranger74]

Well, after a month, all seemed to be going well. She was still chatting to the guy in yahoo though, which I was obviously not comfortable with, but other than that it all seemed to be going great.

But today I got to see one of their conversations and my worst fears were confirmed. The guy wasn't just a friend. She'd been sleeping with him after I left the Philippines and from the conversation, I gathered that she hadn't told him that she was here in Australia with me (she told me that he knew).

We haven't talked about it yet, but she knows I know. I'm out in my bungalow having a few drinks and chain smoking, trying to wrap m head around what a massive fool I've been and figure out what happens next.

Her flight home isn't for another 8 weeks and she doesn't have the money to re-book it herself. I'll continue to feed and shelter her until she figures out how to get home, but it's going to be awkward. I'm also not looking forward to the humiliation when I have to tell friends and family that we're breaking up. The kids are away at their mother's until xmas eve, but we're supposed to be having xmas dinner with them and my parents. Not sure I can bluff my way through the day.

Hurting and feeling very stupid right now.

[Englishman2010]

Hi Ranger, sorry to read about your situation. I'm sure there are many of us on here who have made the same mistakes as you - I certainly have. Don't punish yourself though, pick yourself back up off the floor and move on. Fortunately, most Filipina's are honest, genuine, loving and loyal. Don't let one bad experience put you off the whole race, there is good and bad in all nationalities, and you could have just as easily been fooled by a western girl.
I had 8 or 9 months of mistrusting my ex-Fili g/f, the writing was on the wall from day 1, but I couldn't see it, instead I kept on hoping and praying that I was just being paranoid and it would all be ok. Looking back it's easy to see what my mistakes were, and if that situation ever arises again I will follow my gut instinct and finish it immediately. Life is too short to be messed around with and let anyone play with your heart. There are lots of good girls out there who will treat you right. I've been with my current Fili for 5 months, she is the complete opposite of my ex, and I have never had reason to doubt or not trust her, something which is vital in a LDR.
Cut off all support now, and don't look back, no matter how hard it is - very best of luck to you:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[alanmf1]

Ranger, sorry to hear of your predicament.

You have given her ample opportunity to make her choice which it appears she has done!

Cut your losses now mate and move on... there are so many special filipinas! Enjoy finding the right one for you!

Rgds

[Terpe]

Ranger, really sorry to hear your latest situation.
As others have said, you gave your best shot and you gave her all and every chance.
You are quite right, this relationship is now finished.
I really feel for you that you now have to get through Christmas with family and friends knowing that your world has changed. It's going to be tough, but you must cut loose now, accept what happened, learn the lessons and move forward with positive ideas.
God Bless

[aposhark]

Hi ranger74,

I just read your story and I just hope you can remain friendly with her during the last weeks with you in Oz.

She has done what so many other women have done, which is not to say that other Filipinas are not faithful, it seems most Filipinas really value being faithful - both parties.

She should not have been sleeping around when you were sending money and you agreed to be a couple.
As others have said, cut her loose and put it down to experience.

Best of luck.

[joebloggs]

but why would she go to OZ with you if he meant so much to her? :NoNo:

some people :angry:

[rani]

so sorry to hear that your story didnt turn up well...
cheer up ranger :)
do not think of what others say unto you... after all, it is your life and you know that you have given your best... you just have to accept the fact that she's not the one for you... i'm pretty sure that there's one out there waiting and deserving of your love...
stay happy :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[aposhark]

but why would she go to OZ with you if he meant so much to her? :NoNo:

some people :angry:

So many stories like this Joe.
The common denominator is always money :NoNo:

[mickcant]

Hi ranger74,:Wave:
I too am sorry things have gone this way!
We want to think the best of a partner and loving someone means trusting them.
It’s not much comfort but at least you have found out before marrying.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

In my case we married then she had a baby by a Filipino.
Then came to join me in the UK, but she wanted money and a visa only
We parted then I found out about the baby.
We are now divorcing.
Mick.:angry:

[purple]

So many stories like this Joe.
The common denominator is always money :NoNo:

She would go to the place to this other guy she is talking to if she gets invited i guess.

Learn from this experience ranger... you've known the signs and people here in the forum have told you what we understand about the situation from the start.

[stevewool]

so sorry ranger to read the news but like many say , time to move on , there are so many others that would love you and just you, sometimes you just have to be hard in life and never look back once you have disided what you are doing , good luck:)

[Steve.r]

... you've known the signs and people here in the forum have told you what we understand about the situation from the start.

My thoughts also.......:doh

But a sad situation for sure. :xxaction-smiley-047

[grahamw48]

I feel for you my friend.

I'm reminded of when I had the ex's emails to her sister translated....the ones that contained the words 'new boyfriend'.

It hurts A LOT.

I had been faithful to HER during our 13 years together.

I've never been out with another woman since, and that's 7 years ago.

Hope you find someone worthy of you in less time than that.

[mindanao]

am sad reading your story ranger and also of mick and some others in the forum who were either scammed or fall out of love:NoNo: all i can say, don't be discouraged by an instance of failure, rather make it as a guide to make situation better the next time around.

Sun shines after the Storm:)

[purple]

Sun shines after the Storm:)

This is the best part of life ranger. You will be with someone worthy who adores you. Keep your face up. She doesn't deserve any single of your thoughts, lady of such caliber is no worth of a true man's value.

[yna]

Good day. I need advise urgently.. I met a guy who live in uk, he decided to visit me here after 2 years of knowing each other over the net..he seems to be nice and sincere but there a bid problem tonight is the night his going to arrive here in manila philippines but he got hold in jail on malasia, violation of carrying a big amount of money now the lady officer at the jail center asking me if i can pay his penalty of 1000 us dollars for his release and to get all his things.. Sadly i dont have that big amount to pay vail him out i ask my friend if he can ask help from his friends from uk but he said they are all busy working and have no time to help him out... I dont know what to do now, he is so very angry with me because i couldn't help him and continue to travel here in the philippines... Please need advice what should i do??

[grahamw48]

Run away fast ! :yikes:

Has he no relations in the UK ???

Surely if he was carrying so much money he could have paid the fine ?

This sounds very suspicious to me.

Is he Nigerian ?

[yna]

nope his white i often seen him on cam, and he got this french accent when we talk over the phone

[yna]

the girl who talk to me doesn't allowed him to pay from his money, they get all his belongings and actually the girl told me if i ever been in jail coz i obviously dont know the rule inside the prison.. nobody is allowed to get money from the person whose onhold inside the jail..i was wondering if its not allowed to carry big amount why he hasn't been hold in paris he made a stop over there b4 he fly to malasia...

[tomboo]

i think hes allowed 10,000 us like most countries. but why carry much more than that for a vacation? and imprisonment for carrying so much sounds strange, I think its completely suss and if i was you i would be careful,,,, usually when on connecting flights you dont go through customs (i may be wrong)

if its true that he has a huge amount of cash, surely he has money in a bank account at home or friends that would believe in him enough to send 1000us, allllllll too strange for me

[tomboo]

wow just looked more into this, it can lead to 3 years imprisonment and or 10,000rn fine, wows, good job im not rich

[grahamw48]

Why do people ignore the rules ?

Haven't they heard of ATMs ? :NoNo:

[Terpe]

wow just looked more into this, it can lead to 3 years imprisonment and or 10,000rn fine, wows, good job im not rich

It appears payment of $1000 will do the trick.
With the info we have at the moment I say something is not right. Could be a scam.
Should be family or friends will do something, not a g/f who has not yet met him.

yna, what nationality is he?
Who is the $1000 penalty to be paid to? and how?

[Englishman2010]

yna - firstly welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry to say, but this sounds like a scam to me. If this guy has so much cash he should be able to raise the money back in the Uk and pay his fine. He may be white, but that doesn't mean he isnt a scammer - plenty of white eastern Euro scammers....in fact plenty of white Brit scammers and cheats too.

[Dedworth]

nope his white i often seen him on cam, and he got this french accent when we talk over the phone

I reckon he might have whitewashed his face for the web cam - these Nigerian con men are as slippery as they come

[sars_notd_virus]

Well, after a month, all seemed to be going well. She was still chatting to the guy in yahoo though, which I was obviously not comfortable with, but other than that it all seemed to be going great.

But today I got to see one of their conversations and my worst fears were confirmed. The guy wasn't just a friend. She'd been sleeping with him after I left the Philippines and from the conversation, I gathered that she hadn't told him that she was here in Australia with me (she told me that he knew).

We haven't talked about it yet, but she knows I know. I'm out in my bungalow having a few drinks and chain smoking, trying to wrap m head around what a massive fool I've been and figure out what happens next.

Her flight home isn't for another 8 weeks and she doesn't have the money to re-book it herself. I'll continue to feed and shelter her until she figures out how to get home, but it's going to be awkward. I'm also not looking forward to the humiliation when I have to tell friends and family that we're breaking up. The kids are away at their mother's until xmas eve, but we're supposed to be having xmas dinner with them and my parents. Not sure I can bluff my way through the day.

Hurting and feeling very stupid right now.

Don't hurt yourself more, let that 'woman' move out of your place ASAP as she will give you more grief and more troubles in the future ...you have mentioned you have kids let them be your inspiration to move on with your life..
Goodluck and hope you find true happiness in the future.

[sars_notd_virus]

Good day. I need advise urgently.. I met a guy who live in uk, he decided to visit me here after 2 years of knowing each other over the net..he seems to be nice and sincere but there a bid problem tonight is the night his going to arrive here in manila philippines but he got hold in jail on malasia, violation of carrying a big amount of money now the lady officer at the jail center asking me if i can pay his penalty of 1000 us dollars for his release and to get all his things.. Sadly i dont have that big amount to pay vail him out i ask my friend if he can ask help from his friends from uk but he said they are all busy working and have no time to help him out... I dont know what to do now, he is so very angry with me because i couldn't help him and continue to travel here in the philippines... Please need advice what should i do??

Forget the guy..i know it sounds ridiculous!! but he is giving you problems even if you haven't met yet or is about to meet??but how??..just move on girl...''Men are like buses,...If you miss one, another one will come in 10mins''

[yna]

His from London, they called me 3 times and force me to find a way to get some money to pay the fine...i already told him that i dont have that kind of money and should be his parents who he is calling to ask some help but he said that his not living with his parents and he dont have any brothers or sisters...

[yna]

Why do people ignore the rules ?

Haven't they heard of ATMs ? :NoNo:

that's what i thought to... besides his been traveling to many places he should have known that its not allowed to carry big cash whenever you visit other country...

[grahamw48]

Forcing you ? :NoNo:

Tell him to get lost !

[alanmf1]

Hi yna... welcome to the forum..

I have just been reading your threads and am sorry for your predicament today!

Like everyone else.. this story does not stack up!!
I have spent some time in Kuala Lumpur...do you know which airline he was flying? Rightly if he is in transit to Manila he should not need to pass through Immigration & Customs.
However if he has a budget airline (Cebu Pac or AirAsia ) connection then he would have done as he would need to transfer from KLIA to LCCT.

No matter again why is the "jail lady" calling you? If this happened today then he would surely still be in the hands of the Customs staff at the Airport.

Malaysia does as stated by others have quite strict immigration and customs procedures.

His calls for help should be directed to his family & friends and if they do not help then he should be getting in touch with the British High Commission in KL NOT you!

Sever all contact now and make new friends here.....

DO NOT LET THIS EFFECT YOUR CHRISTMAS...

Rgds

[yna]

thanks alan, actually it happened to me twice now..the first one is about the package sent to from uk drop in malasia it also onhold because of some violation and they want me to pay the penalty of 550$ but i cant afford that so i told to my friend to refound the package coz it has importart items inside,.. i was only wondering why they need to stop ove at malasia why not send it or have a flight direct to manila so they dont have problems like this..

[Steve.r]

Yna, tread very carefully, sounds like a real scam artist.

[yna]

Yna, tread very carefully, sounds like a real scam artist.

thanks steve :)

[Sim11UK]

yna I'm sorry to hear of your problems. makes me wonder why he lead you along for a couple of years? :Erm:
But no genuine boyfriend would ask you to do such a thing. Stick around here, there's lots of good people here.

Merry Christmas :)

[purple]

Hi Yna,

Everything sounds strange.. and for the KL immigration officers to be calling you when the two of you haven't even meet.
Your bf should be calling the UK Embassy for assistance and not ask you to pay for his "stupidity" of bringing this "large amount of money"
Trust your feelings that this is truly a scam.

[yna]

thank you very much for all the advice,,, merry christmas to u all

[rani]

welcome to the forum yna...
like everybody said.. this is a real scam... you've been asked to pay penalty twice :NoNo: hmmmmm... i suggest that you forget this guy and move on :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[rani]

''Men are like buses,...If you miss one, another one will come in 10mins''
:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[grahamw48]

And British with a French accent ?:Erm:
He needs the French Embassy, or maybe the Congolese one.

Have a nice Christmas yna, and don't ever send anyone money.

We're supposed to send YOU money. :icon_lol:

[Malleus]

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Men are like buses? My friend told me the same thing, except in his example it was women :) Or maybe he said taxis :Erm: :icon_lol:

As for yna, welcome to the forum and Merry Christmas. Just like everyone here, I think you have been the intended victim of a scam. Thank God you didnt lose any money. Its a learning experience for you. There truly are some despicable people in the world. If I were you, I would immediately cut off any contact with this individual.

Ranger I'm so sorry that things have panned out like this for you. As graham said, I feel your pain. Its a very unpleasant place to be in, but you will get through it. Do try to give us an update when you can, and remember there are people here rooting for you.

[yna]

Have a nice Christmas yna, and don't ever send anyone money.

:) yeah i wont...

[dontpushme]

Well, after a month, all seemed to be going well. She was still chatting to the guy in yahoo though, which I was obviously not comfortable with, but other than that it all seemed to be going great.

But today I got to see one of their conversations and my worst fears were confirmed. The guy wasn't just a friend. She'd been sleeping with him after I left the Philippines and from the conversation, I gathered that she hadn't told him that she was here in Australia with me (she told me that he knew).

We haven't talked about it yet, but she knows I know. I'm out in my bungalow having a few drinks and chain smoking, trying to wrap m head around what a massive fool I've been and figure out what happens next.

Her flight home isn't for another 8 weeks and she doesn't have the money to re-book it herself. I'll continue to feed and shelter her until she figures out how to get home, but it's going to be awkward. I'm also not looking forward to the humiliation when I have to tell friends and family that we're breaking up. The kids are away at their mother's until xmas eve, but we're supposed to be having xmas dinner with them and my parents. Not sure I can bluff my way through the day.

Hurting and feeling very stupid right now.

What the crap??:angry: I've just read about your problem and I'm really sorry you went through all that before you found out the truth. I hope you don't end up hating all Filipinas after this. Please believe we're not all two-timing, golddigging liars. I realise it's bound to be a disappointing Christmas. I hope you find someone who can and will make you happy. I don't know what I'd have done if I were in a situation like that. Well, okay, I do, and it wouldn't have been a pretty sight.

Good luck, ranger!

[yna]

I would third what Fred says after 3 bad relationships with Filipino and one bad marriage ,I spent 3 months in the Phills with my present wife and had her here in Australia twice on 3 month visitors visas then we got married,iI know 2 close friends started chatting online rush over to the Phills got married after 10 days now both got problems,one of them his wife started having sex with Filipino men here shortly after she got here,waited for 2 years got her permanent visa then moved in with a Filapino who is married and his wife still in the Phills .

that was so wrong... shame her to do that kind of thing to his husband..you getting married is so easy to do but find someone who is deserving for your love and not because she can used you to be a citizen to your country...be wise

[aposhark]

His from London, they called me 3 times and force me to find a way to get some money to pay the fine...i already told him that i dont have that kind of money and should be his parents who he is calling to ask some help but he said that his not living with his parents and he dont have any brothers or sisters...

Everything is so wrong about this situation yna.
Don't pay a peso, dollar or whatever.
If he comes over, stay away from him.

[Tawi2]

thanks alan, actually it happened to me twice now..the first one is about the package sent to from uk drop in malasia it also onhold because of some violation and they want me to pay the penalty of 550$ but i cant afford that so i told to my friend to refound the package coz it has importart items inside,.. i was only wondering why they need to stop ove at malasia why not send it or have a flight direct to manila so they dont have problems like this
Well documented Nigerian scam/ploy.

[baby38]

H i Ranger,sorry to hear about your sad story,as others said this happens many times,as others says not all Filipinos are like this.as you live in Australia you would had purchased a return ticket for her,I believe this is part of a tourist visa,put her on the first plane home,cut off all support to her,before it costs you more money.As many say never give money until you meet then be careful.

[melly666]

You're being taken for a ride mate! This is soooo obvious. I am a British woman and go over to Asia a lot. These Asian women are taking the Western men for a ride the whole time but it serves them right for being this stupid(sorry but this includes yourself as well). They're only after money and a passport,and even if you did get in to the country I will put my life on it she will leave as soon as she's 'safe' with a passport or legal documents then up and run. It happens all the time. They even extended Westerns and Cambodians for instance having to be married for 10 years before they would allow the Asian partner to even visit because this is an on-going problem. Just get rid of her and promise you will send her no more money. You can also be sure she's giving a few Western men the same run around. The Western women in Asia just laugh at how gullable these Western men are. Do yourself and your kids a favour PLEASE. Good luck...sorry but I'm the sort of person who gets straight to the point!

[grahamw48]

Thanks, but the vast majority of us know that already.

I do wish that your post didn't appear to be tarring all Asian girls with the same brush though...most insulting.:rolleyes:

We'd still rather take our chances with a beautiful young Filipina, unsullied by the typical Western femi-nazi mindset.

Add to that the fact that most Western women are now clinically obese, pay little attention to their personal hygiene and looks, and will sleep with the first male they stumble across during their drunken Friday night 'hen-night', and for me it's pretty much game set and match to our 'scammers' from the Phils. :icon_lol:

Thanks for your input.

[melly666]

..... the Western men with the Asian women are the ones that the Western women don't want! 99% are complete losers,the Western women know this and spend their time killing themselves laughing at the stupidity of these aging,ugly sexist disillusioned men! :laugher:

[melly666]

The Western women just laugh at these men because they are the Western women rejects,WE DON'T WANT YOU. 99% of them are just aging,sexist, ugly men and are complete losers. We kill ourselves laughing at their naivity and how delusional they are. Let's take away your Western pay packet and passport then we'll see if they still want you! :laugher::action-smiley-081:

[joebloggs]

You're being taken for a ride mate! This is soooo obvious. I am a British woman and go over to Asia a lot. These Asian women are taking the Western men for a ride the whole time but it serves them right for being this stupid(sorry but this includes yourself as well).

:icon_lol: and what do you go to Asia for :rolleyes:
i think some guys on here marry a filipina becuase they've had enough of British Women :D
melly666 the number of the devil :xxaction-smiley-047

:laugher:

[raynaputi]

..... the Western men with the Asian women are the ones that the Western women don't want! 99% are complete losers,the Western women know this and spend their time killing themselves laughing at the stupidity of these aging,ugly sexist disillusioned men! :laugher:


The Western women just laugh at these men because they are the Western women rejects,WE DON'T WANT YOU. 99% of them are just aging,sexist, ugly men and are complete losers. We kill ourselves laughing at their naivity and how delusional they are. Let's take away your Western pay packet and passport then we'll see if they still want you! :laugher::action-smiley-081:


Errrr...:Erm: DO NOT GENERALIZE PLEASE..not all Asian Girls are what you think of...i think you're in the wrong forum girl coz i'm sure the men and women of this forum would react to what you've just said..:doh:rolleyes:

[mickcant]

Thanks, but the vast majority of us know that already.

I do wish that your post didn't appear to be tarring all Asian girls with the same brush though...most insulting.:rolleyes:

We'd still rather take our chances with a beautiful young Filipina, unsullied by the typical Western femi-nazi mindset.

Add to that the fact that most Western women are now clinically obese, pay little attention to their personal hygiene and looks, and will sleep with the first male they stumble across during their drunken Friday night 'hen-night', and for me it's pretty much game set and match to our 'scammers' from the Phils. :icon_lol:

Thanks for your input.

Hi Graham:Wave:
Very well put :xxgrinning--00xx3:

For me it would be a beautiful Filipina or stay single
Western Women are mostly money grabbers anyhow:crazy:
Mick.:)

[grahamw48]

Oh well, let's hope the loony troll from hateville takes her fat aarse off elsewhere now she's offloaded her bile.

I guess she must have been blown out again. :icon_lol:

Then again, I'm always up for a bit of healthy debate :)

Bring it on.

[Tawi2]

Miss Kehaya,in your job ;) I am sure you have met many pinays,but please dont generalise about the guys who travel to asia :icon_lol:


of them are just aging,sexist, ugly men and are complete losers.

[Tawi2]

You still work for Mears?:icon_lol:Your pic says "Too ugly to prostitute" do you have some form of body dysmorphic disorder,an impairment in your social functioning perhaps?Self loathing? :Erm:

[Sim11UK]

melly666 are you that same British woman, who got banned on here before, for coming out with exactly the same claptrap? :NoNo:

Don't bother, you're wasting your time. :doh

[worthingmale]

sounds like you are talking about the women from the "naughty" nightlife who I agree are all bad apples and money grabbers.

However this is only a small percentage of Asia there is so much more, I have met good genuine honest people in many asian countries as never go near those naughty areas.

there is good and bad in every race and walk of life,

and there are plenty of bad money grabbing women here in England as well as round the world.

Everybody needs to be judged individually not the entire race generalised. If so us British are arrogant violent drunk football thugs who have no morals and have casual sex and no family structure or respect. See it works both ways.

I hope one day your eyes are opened and you get to meet a good genuine Asian woman married to a Western guy there are plenty about.

[Tawi2]

I'm sick of people thinking I'm arrogant or rude as I'm naturally a very friendly person.
This is my favourite quote from Melanie :icon_lol:

[Englishman2010]

I suggest she reads a copy of " How to win friends and Influence people" by Dale Carnegie.

Why do trolls bother going onto forums? Do they think that they are going to persuade us all to change our minds? Do they get their kicks thinking they have p155ed a few people off? It's not like she's saying anything none of us have heard before from the haters and sceptics in the UK:Cuckoo:

I dare say she is an overweight, ugly minger with a severe personality disorder that no man in their right mind would want to be with, hence the Nazi feminist tendencies. F:censored: off back to the hole you crawled out of, we don't need your type here

[stevewool]

well it takes all to make the world go round including melly666, who ever you are, i have dated lots of western women as you call yourself and yes some very nice women at that , but some are not too, just like asia most proberly , but you take your chances and some fail but most dont, seems like you have been hurt too melly was it a westerner male thats why you go to asia to try and find someone that is loving and beautiful and who wants you for who you are, think about it, and please dont tar everyone with the same brush:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[alanmf1]

well it takes all to make the world go round including melly666, who ever you are, i have dated lots of western women as you call yourself and yes some very nice women at that , but some are not too, just like asia most proberly , but you take your chances and some fail but most dont, seems like you have been hurt too melly was it a westerner male thats why you go to asia to try and find someone that is loving and beautiful and who wants you for who you are, think about it, and please dont tar everyone with the same brush:xxgrinning--00xx3:

:gp:.........:iagree:

:appl:

[sars_notd_virus]

..... the Western men with the Asian women are the ones that the Western women don't want! 99% are complete losers,the Western women know this and spend their time killing themselves laughing at the stupidity of these aging,ugly sexist disillusioned men! :laugher:


The Western women just laugh at these men because they are the Western women rejects,WE DON'T WANT YOU. 99% of them are just aging,sexist, ugly men and are complete losers. We kill ourselves laughing at their naivity and how delusional they are. Let's take away your Western pay packet and passport then we'll see if they still want you! :laugher::action-smiley-081:

We filipinas are not F R I G I D, ..we love left overs(if that's how you call it),and we look after our ''man'' properly and in return we get whatever we want...smart eh;):)


oh btw melly,have u been hurt badly? '' skanks '' is all over the world,..I hope you are not one of them??:rolleyes::icon_lol:

[KeithD]

We have a new member who has read the books:
"How to make yourself look like a complete retarded plonker on a public forum"
&
"How not to make friends and in no way influence people"
:crazy:

[rani]

thanks for giving her the books boss :xxgrinning--00xx3:

she really deserved it :cwm23:

[purple]

aging,ugly sexist disillusioned men! :laugher:

my husband isn't... maybe you are?:Hellooo:

[grahamw48]

I think melly is a woman...just looks like a man ? :icon_lol:

http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/1216/women5811015.jpg

[melly666]

Oh I do believe I've hit a few nerves there and a reality check for you guys! :action-smiley-081:

[melly666]

:laugher::laugher::laugher::laugher::laugher:

[grahamw48]

Oh I do believe I've hit a few nerves there and a reality check for you guys! :action-smiley-081:

Laughing at your own bare aarse ?

That's a new one. :Erm:

You can be sure, the laugh is on you. :NoNo:

[Tawi2]

You havent jangled any nerves Melanie,but I have seen pics of you....


The Western women just laugh at these men because they are the Western women rejects,WE DON'T WANT YOU

Since when has someone like yourself sans husband,children,life or indeed character ever been given the chance to reject ANYONE :icon_lol:
When you spun the prayer wheels at tsuglagkhang temple(been there,done that,got the T-shirt)you really should have wished for a total character makeover ;):icon_lol:

[raynaputi]

i wonder what's melly's problem with all the Asian women and the guys who are attracted to them? :Erm: are you married and do you have kids melly? i've seen your profile and you're still single at your age?..is that correct?

[purple]

Oh I do believe I've hit a few nerves there and a reality check for you guys! :action-smiley-081:
Hi melly666,

It is not about hitting/offending some people here in the forum.
You should have check yourself if you are in the position.
Many of us here in the forum are happy with our man not because of the passport or money like what you think.
A lot of filipina women in this forum such as me is proud of filipino culture, climate and country despite being a 3rd world nation, at least we are genuinely happy people and mostly contented with the basics of life like family, friends and love ones.

You're comment generalizing western men about a laughing stock for being with an asian lady is an ignorant approach. It is actually sad to know that a western woman such as yourself would discount a man because of his decision/choices in life that makes him happy.

I can only hope that you will empower yourself so you will not feel insecure about your fellow"men's" choices.

Mind you, we here in the Philippines have lesser divorce cases compare to your country... you know why? because we stand by our man.. through thick and thin.. we stand by our vows.. we stand by our principles .. we stand by to the promises we made like love and commitment... we try to relive that feelings to our man the day we said "I do" and keep that loving coming despite years and oldage.. come what may.

[raynaputi]

very well said purple..rep point from me later when i get home (i'm only on mobile mode and can't do that at the moment :D)

[purple]

Thanks mod rayna :)


very well said purple..rep point from me later when i get home (i'm only on mobile mode and can't do that at the moment :D)

[stevewool]

who ever smelly666 is i dont care really, like many off you know me, my concern is my life, emma and family and friends, at first many many people do laugh at us so called western men who so called chase the so called younger asian lady, i did not chase emma or emma did not chase me, we started talking and it started from there and i think that goes for lots on here and many other forums too,i am not into name calling i would rather say face to face what i have to say to people, but melly666 who ever you are man or women you are a very sad person, get the facts before you start to open that mouth of yours, unless your ex has ran off with someone from asia whos younger too, how do you work out your theory on what you have said, then again i think it wise if you kept your thoughts to yourself, i pity sad people like you who ever you are sad lost and alone in life, or have you found that asian person yet to put that smile back on your face

[worthingmale]

well said purple well said

[Tawi2]

Melanie is an ex-heroin addict,she has issues :rolleyes:

[Tawi2]

Melly,have you thought about some form of therapy?You clearly have some form of personal mental problem,maybe the guy(and I am assuming your "partner" was a guy as you profess to being "straight")who dumped you 9 years ago after the 6 year relationship felt this also,I am glad your off the drugs,but you need to spiritually cleanse yourself also,dont be on a downer because others have found the happinesss that eluded you yourself,its christmas,put aside all your baggage and look forward to 2011 :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[grahamw48]

Hi miss melly...see you're watching.

Coming back for more ? :icon_lol:

[Rosie1958]

Oh I do believe I've hit a few nerves there and a reality check for you guys! :action-smiley-081:

Melly ...... I am a British woman (in a relationship with a British guy) and also find your earlier postings offensive. You are of course entitled to your own opinions but please do show some respect for others, there is no need to post insulting statements of this kind. Perhaps you were intending to be funny but on this occasion, you haven't succeeded :NoNo: and an apology wouldn't go amiss ........... :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Please do remember that we are all individuals with basic human needs. It doesn’t matter what nationality one is and everyone of us is entitled to try and fulfil those needs for love and affection. If one has to look further afield then so be it.

Oh, and please guys, not all British women are obese, lacking in personal hygiene/ appearance or in deed “ugly mingers” who don’t look after their man. :cwm12:

[tomboo]

The Western women just laugh at these men because they are the Western women rejects,WE DON'T WANT YOU. 99% of them are just aging,sexist, ugly men and are complete losers. We kill ourselves laughing at their naivity and how delusional they are. Let's take away your Western pay packet and passport then we'll see if they still want you! :laugher::action-smiley-081:

oh i was heartbroken for a few minutes. in fact i didnt know which part of your statement to deal with first, so i asked my wife about british passport, to which she replied "remember when you were in saudi and i said i was happy to come there and be with you and have the tough life you described to me"

next i asked her on a scale of 1-10 how ugly i was, she said is 10 the most ugly? i said yes, well darling, your 11 was her answer. :NoNo:

oh well, a hug made things better, i was looking for reasurrance so asked her to look at another 100 guys from this sites pictures, i wanted to know i was in the remaining 1% and not the majority 99%, more sadness, no im not.... :xxaction-smiley-047 oh well again, i guess im lucky, shes blind.

But seriously, you quote you western women, i guess that means all your friends? maybe both of them!!

at 45 yr old, single, spending time in asia i would love to hear your reasons for being there.

i do have some advice though "if your so judgemental, blinkered and bitter with society and in particular guys, then i suggest a little counselling, perhaps try to get out the house a little more and maybe even chat to some more people.Alternatively...... stick around, your views are hugely entertaining

[tomboo]

OH OH OH I got it now, I just realised what your really saying, your 45 and single,,,,i can help you,,, dont tell my wife, lets go have dinner

[raynaputi]

Melly ...... I am a British woman (in a relationship with a British guy) and also find your earlier postings offensive. You are of course entitled to your own opinions but please do show some respect for others, there is no need to post insulting statements of this kind. Perhaps you were intending to be funny but on this occasion, you haven't succeeded :NoNo: and an apology wouldn't go amiss ........... :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Please do remember that we are all individuals with basic human needs. It doesn’t matter what nationality one is and everyone of us is entitled to try and fulfil those needs for love and affection. If one has to look further afield then so be it.

Oh, and please guys, not all British women are obese, lacking in personal hygiene/ appearance or in deed “ugly mingers” who don’t look after their man. :cwm12:

Now why can't melly be like Rosie who we all love here :rolleyes: thanks Rosie!:xxgrinning--00xx3::)

[stevewool]

oh well, a hug made things better, i was looking for reasurrance so asked her to look at another 100 guys from this sites pictures, i wanted to know i was in the remaining 1% and not the majority 99%, more sadness, no im not.... :xxaction-smiley-047 oh well again, i guess im lucky, shes blind.


:icon_lol::icon_lol:this could be a great game tombo whos pictures did you show her:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[Arthur Little]

Now why can't melly be like Rosie who we all love here :rolleyes: thanks Rosie!:xxgrinning--00xx3::)

:gp:, Rayna ... it costs absolutely nothing to be nice!

[Malleus]

I go away for a day and all hell breaks loose :icon_lol:

[fred]

Oh, and please guys, not all British women are obese, lacking in personal hygiene/ appearance or in deed “ugly mingers” who don’t look after their man Yeah Graham!!...So are you calling my mum a fat minger?

[Arthur Little]

Oh I do believe I've *hit a few nerves there and a reality check for you guys! :action-smiley-081:

Now ... WHY on earth would you want to *do that, Melly? :rolleyes: We're probably one of the most friendly forums you'll find on the 'net, and - although it's [naturally] impossible to always agree with each other's many (and frequently varying) opinions on all manner of topics - we share a common bond in our belief that we are open-minded enough to accept these differences and move on with our lives. You, on the other hand, seem hell-bent on stirring up ill-feeling from the outset. Such an attitude is unlikely to endear you to the members here :nono-1-1: and I really have to query what prompted you to join us in the first place!? :doh

[grahamw48]

To stir things up....as most trolls do.

Anyway my last words on the thread - enough time wasted.

[mattwilkie]

You're being taken for a ride mate! This is soooo obvious. I am a British woman and go over to Asia a lot. These Asian women are taking the Western men for a ride the whole time but it serves them right for being this stupid(sorry but this includes yourself as well). They're only after money and a passport,and even if you did get in to the country I will put my life on it she will leave as soon as she's 'safe' with a passport or legal documents then up and run. It happens all the time. They even extended Westerns and Cambodians for instance having to be married for 10 years before they would allow the Asian partner to even visit because this is an on-going problem. Just get rid of her and promise you will send her no more money. You can also be sure she's giving a few Western men the same run around. The Western women in Asia just laugh at how gullable these Western men are. Do yourself and your kids a favour PLEASE. Good luck...sorry but I'm the sort of person who gets straight to the point!

Interesting reply and as a British Expat living in the Philippines and have also lived in Hong Kong and other international locations there is something Western Women forget. Many of the guys who go overseas wouldn't look at a Western woman twice after being here.. Taken for a ride are you having a laugh?? In the UK its called Child support or divorce, I actually advise many of my friends to uproots and come out to Asia as they have pretty much been robbed blind by the British legal system in divorce settlements. Now what I will say in your defence is that there are a lot of scammers online and professional scammers in person but you can weed a lot of them out easily. Regarding the original post on here (seems miles off topic now) the issue is at what status is the relationship if the woman is seeing a second guy and offering up excuses I would just say walk away simple as that there is no dispute the guy has the advantage that he has no other connection than emotional.

In response to the original poster how is the relationship? if you don't feel comfortable don't send any money that is also a sure sign of how the relationship is either going to make or break if your serious about keeping the connection. If shes went with this other guy without your concent (if you do have an agreed relationship) I wouldn't carry on the relationship. I live in Cebu and you can see different types of girls and the troubles some bring I also own an internet cafe and watch girls fishing for foreigners. Not all are bad mind most actually just want out of the life they have here which also takes me to another thing "status" in society as many of the lower class girls lack any real guidance well positive guidance which not only makes them more likely to scam due to the money issues they have but also the fact they couldnt careless how much it affects you.

[Ako Si Jamie]

The Western women just laugh at these men because they are the Western women rejects,WE DON'T WANT YOU. 99% of them are just aging,sexist, ugly men and are complete losers. Think it's the other way around. We don't want you's. We want real women with class.

That's why we go to the Phil's!

Read it and weep darling! :ReadIt:

[purple]

Oh, and please guys, not all British women are obese, lacking in personal hygiene/ appearance or in deed “ugly mingers” who don’t look after their man. :cwm12:

I absolutely agree on this Rosie... like everyone else on this world. When we love someone, we do look after them with all our hearts, put aside the differences and love that person.
I've meet quite a lot of British woman in a circle and I would say that they have distinct class in their own ways... Like every where else... each person carries that individual charisma. I'm sure melly666 have that too except that she must not have figured that out yet.... Try to be nice and have a positive outlook in life melly666. After all, life can be beautiful if you look it that way.

[alanmf1]

I absolutely agree on this Rosie... like everyone else on this world. When we love someone, we do look after them with all our hearts, put aside the differences and love that person.
I've meet quite a lot of British woman in a circle and I would say that they have distinct class in their own ways... Like every where else... each person carries that individual charisma. I'm sure melly666 have that too except that she must not have figured that out yet.... Try to be nice and have a positive outlook in life melly666. After all, like can be beautiful if you look it that way.

:yeahthat:

Well said Purple.....enjoy Alona!

[melly666]

sorry everbody, please forgive me :D

my hubby left me for a younger woman :)

[Tawi2]

Now I understand why your boyfriend left you,still having the dreams about him? :D Shouldnt you be looking after the old-folks :Erm:

[Tawi2]

my hubby left me for a younger woman
He wasnt your husband,he was a boyfriend and he did indeed dump you ;) Maybe because of your smack habit?Maybe because of your noxious personality?:Erm:

[bornatbirth]

i missed this thread, it gave me a chuckle :D

[grahamw48]

sorry everbody, please forgive me :D

my hubby left me for a younger woman :)

Well, I would never have guessed. :NoNo:

Better polish up your technique if you ever want to snare another one. :rolleyes:

[sars_notd_virus]

sorry everbody, please forgive me :D

my hubby left me for a younger woman :)

The joke is on you!!:rolleyes: