Help I think im being conned [Archive]

Hurco

24th December 2010, 01:44

Hi all, im new to this site and i hope this is the right place to get help. If not could a moderator point me in the right direction.

Anyway, I have been chatting to a filipino girl for the last year everything has been going great, infact i am sure she is the one. But out of the blue i get an anonymous email telling me that who i am chatting to is not who she says she is. I have some pics she sent me and i am told the pics she sent are of a famous person.
I have looked online to see if this is true but i havent found anything yet, thats why im here hoping someone can help me. I dont want to confront her about it because i dont believe it is true, but the person who emailed me is persistant and is sure i can find out who is in the pics if i look.
So hopefully someone here can tell me if the person in the pics is famous in the philippines.

I cant seem to post the pics maybe someone can help me with that too.

RickyR

24th December 2010, 02:55

I can understand this being a difficult situation. I always want you to accept that quite a lot of people are scammed through the dating sites by what appears to be Filipina's. However having been in internet shops and seeing a bunch of men chatting away, and then occasionally dragging there sisters in to pose their boobs on webcam, you realise all is not what well.
Some of the scams are elaborate and believable.
However, that really is the minority, and women in the Philippines are generally great people.
One major piece of advice, never ever ever send money. If you get asked for money because she has lost her job, granny has fallen down the stairs, her brothers got cancer or something, it's probably not genuine. Because filipinos and filipinas have a lot of pride, and if they genuinely like you, they wouldn't ask for anything.
If you stick by those rules, and carry on chatting, you'll be fine. If you get any requests for money, start to think very very carefully.

To post pictures you need to put them on a website like www.flickr.com or similar.

Englishman2010

24th December 2010, 06:13

Welcome to the forum Hurco, and I hope that things work out for you.
I agree with Ricky's advice, never send any money to anyone you haven't met.
The best way to find out if she is genuine is to go there and meet her in person, but I realise this isn't always possible due to the expense of flights and annual leave...etc. If you haven't already done so, I suggest you chat to her on a webcam, so at least you get a better idea of if she does look like her photo's.
You should be cautious, and read some of the back threads on here to pick up some tips on what to be aware of, but don't let that put you off Filipina's. Most are genuine and extremely loyal, but LDR's are always hard work and we all get moments of paranoia and doubt.
If she's not the right one for you, move on, there are lots of good Fili girls out there.....and if you can, get yourself over there ASAP, once you've met a few Filipina's and seen the country it helps you to understand the country and culture far better.

Terpe

24th December 2010, 08:21

:Hellooo: Hi Hurco, welcome to the forum :Wave:

Good advice in previous posts.

By the very nature of your circumstances, and hers (long distance relationship) you will
have a hard time finding out the truth behind what is really is going on, and especially
with these e-mails you are receiving.

Try to put the photo's up here and you will get an answer on that.

Nobody here can tell you exactly what to do or how to do it.
We can only offer suggestions and support from our/others experience.
The decisions and choices are yours to make.
Plenty of threads here to help and better inform you.

How well do you know yourself, with needs against what looks 'yummie'?
In other words, where is your head with all this going on at the moment?

How much psychology is involved in this present situation you refer to?
What is the objective of the e-mailer?

On-line relationships can run the gamut , both good an bad.

As others have said DO NOT send money until you are very sure.

Best action, try to make a visit, meet her, her family and her friends. Experience her environment.

My best advice is to go in with your eyes wide open and be ready for anything.

Finally, bear in mind that she may be totally genuine, a solid respectable hard working woman. If you do your groundwork, use your head and take your time, you may well find a woman who will stand by your side faithfully until the day you die.

Good luck
keep posting and Merry Christmas

rani

24th December 2010, 08:30

welcome to the forum hurco :Hellooo:
i'm sure you're at the right place to ask for advice as most (if not all) the members here gives sound guidance/help... i agree to all the recommendations cited above.. be very careful and wishing you the best :)

Sim11UK

24th December 2010, 09:27

Hi Hurco, how are you actually communicating? My advice would be to only chat, both using webcams.
You can buy them for under a tenner & all the internet cafes have them in the Philippines.
Using a webcam, gives you a much better feel for what the person is like, likewise for them too.

I would be worried, if I hadn't seen what they looked like properly, after communicating for a year?
Hope things sort themselves out. :)

Dedworth

24th December 2010, 09:39

Upload the pictures to www.tineye.com to check if they're anywhere else on the web

grahamw48

24th December 2010, 13:45

If the pictures are on your pc, just use the 'insert image' icon above the smileys and select the pics you want to display on your post.

Couldn't be easier.
Even if you're using an online storage site you can still download the pics to your pc and use the method above.

For online storage, copy the address of the pic using the 'direct' link, then insert on the page here using paste. (square brackets) :)

As to your lady friend, I wouldn't even consider meeting 'her' unless you've had many webcam conversations. LOTS of scammers out there now....almost a cottage industry, and many based in Nigeria, surprise surprise.

tomboo

25th December 2010, 03:14

When i started chatting to girls online and was unsure if they were real, id just ask them to write my name on something and take a pic of themselves holiding the paper with my name,or sometimes on their hand..... soon made things clearer

Ako Si Jamie

25th December 2010, 17:45

It's vital to use a webcam regularly when speaking to would be partners online from afar for several reasons.

The most obvious being, they could post a pic of someone else which might be what's happening to you.

Photo's don't paint the whole picture. They can be deceiving and portray the person to look better than they actually do or they could be old photo's.

With a webcam you can see their facial expressions/body language. Tells you a lot more about them.

Has she asked for money by the way? If she hasn't and you've been chatting for a year I would guess she's interested in being with you, although if her picture is fake I would imagine she's probably a lot less attractive and older.

I'm wondering about who could have sent that email. Who's know's your email address over there?

Perhaps she's already with a guy and he's found out about you and he sent the email.

Or it could be sent by someone vindictive.

You need to post her pic. If it is fake, you know what to do. If it isn't, you need to tread carefully, start using a webcam and find out an explanation for that email.

Good luck.

Arthur Little

26th December 2010, 02:08

I'm afraid there is nothing I can add to that which has already been said :NoNo: ... other than to :welcomex: you to the filipino/uk forum, and hope you'll soon be able to get to the bottom of what's going on. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Arthur Little

26th December 2010, 02:51

grahamw48

26th December 2010, 11:11

Well Arthur, it is Christmas but I'm going to say nothing about that gentleman with the white beard on your avatar. :icon_lol:

Ako Si Jamie

26th December 2010, 11:56

Hey, Jamie ... forgive me for saying so, :icon_sorry: but ... while reading your response to this thread, :rolleyes: ... I was struck by the uncanny resemblance of your avatar to a much younger - happier looking - version of Leonard Nimoy's 'Star Trek' character, Mr Spock - minus the [unmistakable] Vulcan "ears" of course! :icon_lol: That's a new one :icon_lol: I've been likened to a few celebs over the years, Jason Donovan, Freddie Mercury, Duncan Ferguson & Jenson Button but never Spock. Not sure what Leonard Nimoy looked like when he was younger so I've done a google search and this is him when he was 20 and I kind of agree, there is a slight resemblance. :omg:

http://latimesherocomplex.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/leonard_nimoy_1952.jpg?w=500&h=622

Arthur Little

26th December 2010, 12:12

Well Arthur, it is Christmas but I'm going to say nothing about that gentleman with the white beard on your avatar. :icon_lol:

Ah ... you've probably noticed one of my avatars has me pictured with the beard - and the other without! At present, I'm clean-shaven [at Myrna's behest] ... but as you can appreciate, I'm missing the "fluff" - especially in the present climatic conditions!! :freezin: So ... it's my intention to revert to my former image with effect from January 1.

Arthur Little

26th December 2010, 12:26

Y'know, Graham ... :rolleyes: in all the years I've had the beard, no-one's ever asked me to play Santa :bigcry: ... yet I'd be a "dead-ringer" :olddude: for the role!

Arthur Little

26th December 2010, 12:35

this is him when he was 20 and I kind of agree, there is a slight resemblance. :omg:

http://latimesherocomplex.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/leonard_nimoy_1952.jpg?w=500&h=622

:iagree: ... definitely!

grahamw48

26th December 2010, 14:44

Doing my best James Dean look: :icon_lol:

http://img133.imageshack.us/img133/2821/mylotus72qc3.jpg

Tawi2

26th December 2010, 14:50

Got my Kevin Keegan look :icon_lol:

grahamw48

26th December 2010, 15:16

You suit a beard. :)

Ako Si Jamie

26th December 2010, 16:00

The guy next to you looks like Simon Cowell. Can't see the resemblance between you and Keegan though. You look more like Bin Laden to me. :hubbahubba:

Hurco

4th January 2011, 01:19

phoebe

4th January 2011, 05:36

Hi Hurco,

I am new and I read your problems. She probably did like you.
And you did like her a lot.I actually had been corresponding with a chap and recently he revealed his feelings for me.And I like him too.Begining of December.I was taken back becoz I did not realised he has feelings for me.However, after two weeks he started to distance himself and he blamed it on the cold weather and previous relationship.I was hurt .2 days before Christmas he did that to me and he said he likes his independance.We been speaking to each other often and suddenly he becomes grouchy and then he apologised.I do not know what to do becoz few days before Chrismas I send him few emails and he never replied he must be thinking I am bombarding him with too many emails.But I was actually very worried about him. Sometimes i wish he did not reveal his feelings and we still could be friends and now there is a like a wall between us.I am not going to email or contact him becoz he might find me a nuisance and that is the last thing I want to do.We were good friends and exchange present and neither side asked money from each other as I have a stable job.So ,Hurco , I hope you feeling better now that the New Year is here and I wish you well in your next relationship.

Ako Si Jamie

4th January 2011, 22:16

Thanks everyone for the welcome and the advice.

It turns out she is not the girl in the pic's, she must of found some hearth and confessed to me over the christmas. As you can imagin my christmas wasnt the best.
She told me everything and it turns out we can never be together. She said it was just some fun at the start but she developed real feelings for me and she didnt know what to do.
Even tough she gave me every excuse under the sun for not been able to get a wedcam i was happy enough just to hear her voice everyday, I never sent her any money, she never even asked but if she had i probably would've.
Anyway thanks everyone for the advice, some valuable advice i will use the next time before falling in deep.

Did you get to see what she really looked like?

Hi Hurco,

I am new and I read your problems. She probably did like you.
And you did like her a lot.I actually had been corresponding with a chap and recently he revealed his feelings for me.And I like him too.Begining of December.I was taken back becoz I did not realised he has feelings for me.However, after two weeks he started to distance himself and he blamed it on the cold weather and previous relationship.I was hurt .2 days before Christmas he did that to me and he said he likes his independance.We been speaking to each other often and suddenly he becomes grouchy and then he apologised.I do not know what to do becoz few days before Chrismas I send him few emails and he never replied he must be thinking I am bombarding him with too many emails.But I was actually very worried about him. Sometimes i wish he did not reveal his feelings and we still could be friends and now there is a like a wall between us.I am not going to email or contact him becoz he might find me a nuisance and that is the last thing I want to do.We were good friends and exchange present and neither side asked money from each other as I have a stable job.So ,Hurco , I hope you feeling better now that the New Year is here and I wish you well in your next relationship.

Sounds to me he's met someone else!

phoebe

5th January 2011, 05:55

Thanks ,Jamie. What I failed to understand is why does he say he likes me and then 2 weeks later changed.Are men like that?Anyway, I did received message from him but general message. So I replied general message. I do not want to ask him what happened. I just think is not nice saying things and then turn around like nothing happened.Everyone of us have feelings .Is not nice being hurt. This friendship started around a year now.I guess he must be some romeo going round playing with people emotion.Right now, I do not know what to do if he message,email or ring me?

phoebe

5th January 2011, 06:00

Sim11UK

5th January 2011, 08:22

By the way, you mentioned he met someone else ...I am not too sure because it was snowing heavily in North of England ,no way he was out meeting someone....maybe on internet????Or he is bored with me?? Two days before Christmas , he was acting grouchy and irritable ....because of weather??
So , my Christmas was not very nice ....why people are so selfish ...spoiling other people festive moods?

Hi Phoebe...sorry to hear of your troubles over Christmas. Maybe he just didn't think the 2 of you were compatible, or was having difficulty with a long distance relationship...it's certainly not for everyone.
Stick around here, lots have been in your situation. Things will get better. :)

phoebe

5th January 2011, 10:33

Thanks Sim11uk. Well,I somehow find it strange becoz two weeks before Christmas he told me he likes me sending me messages then 2 days leading to Christmas have a sudden change.Can the weather affect a person so much?Seasonal depression?Or previous relationship?I somehow left wondering now what had happened or is it men are so indecisive and irresponsible?Thank God we did not meet in person otherwise I would be badly hurt emotionally. Right now, I am not sure what to do if he rings,message or email me.I understand LDR is not for everyone but I started as friends.Anyway, he did said though he is being funny he still have feelings for me.Is just that he likes his independance .....or he is a free spirit.........

quickwillow

5th January 2011, 10:49

Hi Phobe,
Welcome to the site, sorry to hear about your story. Maybe you should start a new thread and see what happens? There are many people with similar experiences here that will give good advice

Hurco

5th January 2011, 16:05

Did you get to see what she really looked like?

No i havent seen her, she told me the girl in the pics is an actress over there. She still wants to talk with me but she is not ready for me to see her. I really dont know what to do.

Ako Si Jamie

5th January 2011, 22:59

By the way, you mentioned he met someone else ...I am not too sure because it was snowing heavily in North of England ,no way he was out meeting someone....maybe on internet????Or he is bored with me?? Two days before Christmas , he was acting grouchy and irritable ....because of weather??
So , my Christmas was not very nice ....why people are so selfish ...spoiling other people festive moods? Obviously I don't know that for sure. It just sounds that way as the cold weather excuse seems a bit feeble. He could have met someone else online maybe another Filipina or someone in the UK. Sorry if this sounds harsh. Just trying to make you understand that people do make an excuse to end a relationship rather than actually telling you.

phoebe

6th January 2011, 01:36

Thanks jamiexxxmaria.
Do you think he will contact me if he find someone new?If he did, should I answered his message.Well, relationship is never easy.By the way, what does it means when someone say wearing his heart to his sleeves????Does that sounds right?I dont understand it .Thanks for all the help everyone.

phoebe

6th January 2011, 01:41

Thanks jamiexxxmaria.I see what you mean. Do you think I should answer his message?Well, do you think the guy will contact me if he has another girl friend?Just curious.I supposed the answer is NO.By the way, what does it means wearing his heart on his sleeves?Does that sounds right?Not sure what it means.Thanks everyone for the advice and help.

Ako Si Jamie

6th January 2011, 21:33

Has he messaged you since he mentioned the cold weather? If he hasn't it sounds like he's not interested in you any more and perhaps found someone else.

Wearing your heart on your sleeve means to show your emotions openly.

phoebe

8th January 2011, 11:38

Hi JamiexxxMaria,
Many thanks for your help.I really appreciate it. Yes, I did received message and surprising apologies for the way he has been acting . And I asked was he upset about me and he said is the weather....now I am his good friend that is what he claims.Honestly, I really don't know why the sudden change. Is unpredictable.Does the weather affects people like that?Seasonal depression?Anyway, thanks again for all your help .This is the site I vent out my problems.
Thank you to everyone for their opinion it really helps me a lot.

Ako Si Jamie

8th January 2011, 12:52

Yeah, the weather does affect people. When the clocks go back at end of October, it gets dark around 4.30 pm plus the weather gets colder & nastier and it is a bit depressing. I can understand him but its still not a good reason for blanking you.

sars_notd_virus

8th January 2011, 12:54

now I am his good friend that is what he claims.Honestly, I really don't know why the sudden change. Is unpredictable.Does the weather affects people like that?Seasonal depression?Anyway, thanks again for all your help .This is the site I vent out my problems.
Thank you to everyone for their opinion it really helps me a lot.

No weather can affect a human heart to give LOVE,...its plainly clear that he can only give you love as being 'good friends' so just accept it and be happy about it....like what i've said before ''Men are like buses,if you miss one another one will come in 10mins'' ...so be brave ,smile and move on girl!!

Hurco

9th January 2011, 13:00

Wow this thread surely got hi-jacked

@ phoebe, the weather can effect some people but for him to not even contact you to let you know what is going on seems a little odd. But if you believe in him maybe he could be worth another chance.

I know the thread title say's i think im being conned and most people clicked on thinking money but for me it was worse, i was conned for my love, I think if it had of been money it might of made things easier for me.
She say's she has fallen in love with me now and keeps trying to contact me, but she is married. I know this cant continue but it has my head fried.
Anyway thanks all i just had to let someone know.

phoebe

11th January 2011, 11:21

Hi Hurco,

I am sorry to hear of your situation. I have been conned of love in the past.And I could not do anything like a zoombie. I do not want to be in that situation again.It is not nice at all, I heard the saying goes, physical scar heals and disappear but emotional scar stays for a longer time. I hope Hurco, please put yourself first and love yourself to let go of this if there is no hope . Unless , she divorce other wise no point carrying on. You going to get hurt and she as well.
Thanks for your advice. I am not going to stress myself . If he is not going to appreciate me then we just be friends. Sometimes, I cannot keep up with him one day I am his good friend another day I am his top favourite friend.....I do not know what is happening Do you think the weather make someone so unpredictable?I am still thinking he might have change his interst direction.The last time we chatted he noticed in my voice something not right...well, yeah I was angry with his sudden change . How can a person said he likes you and thinking about you but next two weeks changed ?I did planned to visit him now I really dont think so....I do not want to get hurt.What is the point of visiting for few weeks and get on well but the guy is unsure ....is sure going to hurt . By the way, Hurco I am sorry I distracted the thread you started.I do apologies.This is my first time voicing my opinion cause I have been keeping to myself and cannot handle it .I sincerely want to thank you ,Hurco for not being angry with me for using your thread.Thank you everyone here for all the help and advice it means a lot to me.By the way , Jamie I have to say this..... your wife to be Maria is really pretty looking you both make a handsome couple. All the best to both of you and good wishes for the future.Infact most of the couples photos here are really nice and looks really compatible.All the best to all of you .