gone silent

[blackcatbone]

hi people i'm really looking for a female perspective here and would appreciate any advice given.
i met a girl 2 years ago online, we had 18 months of chat back and forth then in july last year i went to manila to meet her for the first, time and it went very well .i came back and she got on with her life there, we continued to talk and make plans for the future, with me going back in april and this time staying in her flat for the duration to meet and bond with her kids. every thing seemed to be going very well with her telling me she loves me and it would be unthinkable for her if she lost me. i've been supporting her since i came back but she has been working in her brothers store to help out with living costs i know she works long hours there and is tired when we get to talk.last week she was talking to me and wanted to sleep and to my shame i was a little hurt that she wanted to stop talking so soon as it was the holidays here i was looking forward to talking to her more than usual she said she had some family problem but wouldn't tell me about it which i understood completely, but i was a little abrupt with our usual signing off routine. since then she has totally ignored my attempts to say how sorry i'am, i phone and it just rings until i get a message saying the phone is unattended, i leave offline messages and still i've heard nothing, i'm so confused now and so worried that she may be hurt or unwell what im trying to find out is this normal behaviour for a pilipina when she is hurt i'm so concerned i cant sleep and have not eaten since monday. surely this is not a reason to throw away what we have together ? sorry to go on so long but i'm just trying to give as much information as possible thanx in anticipation

[stevewool]

hi there well we men open our mouths before we engaged our brain most times, you have said sorry and have tried too it seems, so leave some space now just tell her you are leaving it to her to make contact and yes you realize its a mistake that you have made then just wait, may take a few days or what ever just wait and see, good luck

[blackcatbone]

steve thnx for your advice it looks like i have little choice in the matter mate heres hoping my girl relents soon

[stevewool]

thats the problem you dont have a choice realy , yes many say walk away but you know differant, the distance is a killer for many of us but its all worth it once you have found the right one,dont want to be nosey here but you said you are supporting her since you have come back , stop that till there is contact and try to learn from your mistake but also she must learn too , remember it takes 2 all the time

[blackcatbone]

i know you are right mate but i dont want the kids to suffer because of my stupidity

[Ako Si Jamie]

Yeah, Steve's right. Don't forget to tell her you love her as well. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevewool]

hard words, but the kids were ok before you came along, just give it time, i know its diffecult when myself and emma had words always a stupid time so trying to make contact was like a full day going by and yes the phones do play up too,i have no experiance on how long it takes for them to come round , but if i have said a wrong word to emma and yes i have said sorry or not have , a hour goes by and its all blown over, but she is here with me witch is easy

[Tawi2]

Might be offline because of the family problem?Might be sulking or tampo?Might be any number of things :Erm:

[Dedworth]

I'd say it was LDT - Long Distance Tampo

[somebody]

If you can send a little present (Bunches of rose) a few websites which specialise in this.

But Tamp ie prolonged silence is a common tool of a pinay. Patience is needed:)

[gWaPito]

I know I could not put with that silent treatment oh no! If you accept it this time, you would have to endure that for always. Children behave like that Not adults. You can guess what I would do so, I wont say it. Yes She may have problems, that is life! I wouldn't get too down beat about it, just think of it as a lucky escape.

[grahamw48]

Filipinas CAN be very sensitive. ;)

Sometimes if I looked the wrong way at the ex I'd get the silent treatment for 3 days. :NoNo:

At least I'd get to watch Top Gear in peace though. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

What always brought her round for me was my somewhat daft sense of humour...she'd crack up in the end. :D

[mindanao]

well, its Tampo, sulking for a period of time. Just leave her a space. Once she realized what she did, she will come around and talk with you.

However, there could be other scenario like some stories shared here. Read some and see if there are untoward signs.


when she is hurt i'm so concerned i cant sleep and have not eaten since monday Hey, don't miss a meal. Would you like her to see you miserable when she comes around and talk with you? Cheer Up..

[Arthur Little]

hi people i'm really looking for a female perspective here and would appreciate any advice given.

:doh ... it's 'Sod's Law' ... you're hoping for a female perspective. And what happens? :rolleyes: You end up being inundated with responses from the guys - with one exception - so far! Bide your time too [/I] long!] and see how things go. I [B] do feel for you though, mate ... and hope that whatever's amiss soon sorts itself out! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

This not eating and sleeping business is not good either. You really must pull yourself together. Women will see this as a sign of weakness and latch on to it. Its a cruel world You got to get strong Think of number 1 That is you! You have done nothing wrong. Another motto of mine is treat people the way you want to be treated and visa versa. Ask yourself if you could do the same if you were in her position. Whether its normal or not this Tampo nonsense Its not right. Dont be taken in with this For the sake of mankind Dont do it! For the record, my wife does not suffer from this tampons or mood swings. I must be one of the lucky ones. We do have words, its normal. I can assure you my wife can dish it out as well.

[blackcatbone]

Guys thnx for the advice its greatlt appreciated
JAMIEXXXMARIA mate i tell her all the time that i love her but its hard when she wont even talk to me

STEVE i know you are giving good advice but just surviving is no way for kids to have to live her eldest is coming to a crucial year in his education right now and stopping support i just cant do it

TAWI 2 maybe so. i cant see the wood for the trees right now

SOMEBODY already done it mate it was the first thing i did dozen mixed red and white just as she likes

GWAPITO mate it doesn't seem to be adult behaviour at all to me either but i cant just walk away she has been the focus of my life for the past nearly two and a half years and i just cant do it unless she makes it plain that its over

GRAHAMW48 its been nearly a week now i really didn't think she could be this cruel it seems to be a complete over reaction on her part

MINDANAO thanx for the advice .she had an argument with her sister 5 months ago about some money she says her sister stole from her and has not spoken to her to this day. how long do you think i should wait as a reasonable time to get over this ?

ARTHER thnx mate me too but i'm beginning to wonder if she's playing with a full deck if someone had told me that she would treat me this way i'd have called them a liar i just dont know mate really i dont

[Sim11UK]

Actually, I think stevewool is right. Hard as it may seem, if you stop payment she's likely to be in contact.
If she dosen't contact you, you owe her nothing & she only has her self to blame.

If it is only since monday, then sit it out for a few more, or how many more days it takes. I know what you're going through, as do many of us here. :)

[stevewool]

lots of advice there from many , just give it time, we all fall out over little things its putting them behind us that is hard, if yuou do think lots off her and she does of you, then she should be back very soon if not it may be time to just move on

[mindanao]

hi blackcatbone, i was re reading your post trying to help you OUT of this problem. My advice. Relax and just think of happy memories with her :)WHy? You sent roses to soften her anger, you said sorry, you apologize to be forgiven. But no avail, she still wont respond to you. You mentioned that she had not talk to her sister for sometimes coz of financial problem. Then expect that it will take longer for her to forgive you... :NoNo:

If you are worried that you might jeopardize her child education if you will stop supporting?? Don'T be ! coz when she won't talk with you despite of your efforts, then she meant to be wanting you OUT for a moment.

If she will be in trouble then, she will come back to you...

I don't know until when she will come around.. But you will know by your heart.:)

[Terpe]

Hi blackcatbone,
Sorry to say I'm not female either.

Whatever is going on in Phils nobody yet knows. It could be anything.
But...she knows how to contact you and she can find the means to do so sometime if she wants.
And ....she will know you will be trying to contact her, and she knows you will be very worried.

Many people, I'm sure, have encountered 'tampo' in LDR, it's so frustrating when attempts to contact and communicate are denied. However......
To me this does not seem like tampo, and from what you've said, this behaviour does seem totally out of the character you know.
Unless the episode between you was much bigger than outlined

But..you're correct when you say you have no choice in this. That's the rub! You are under control.

You already made a big emotional investment.

But.... you do have options, and you must resolve to use them.

Try to contact her friends and/or family (but surely she would have found some way to contact you?)

Wait and do nothing (but for how long? You must set limits/boundaries)

Wait and stop all support (If she still needs/wants support for anything she will contact)

blackcatbone, you MUST be prepared for ANYTHING.

Implement your options now.

[mhaedonald]

hi.. im a filipina but not all filipina are same but i will still say how i act when im tampo or my husband hurt my feelings...

When im in philippines before and my husband (he is just my bf that time)in uk or in korea,its always hard for me and i normally tampo to catch his attention, when he hurts my feelings i normally just sulk for a few hours and the longest is a day after i sleep and remember all our happy things together, thats the longest i sulk coz i love him so much...When im angry at him im telling my self that i wont check the emails he sending to me and i won't answer his call, but after few hours of seeing his effort of contacting me,after reading his emails for me, my heart feels like i just want to hear his voice and i miss him so much.. Now (we r married)i sulk maybe for just an hour coz my husband help me to change it and im happy that i already changed my sulking coz its not healthy in our relationship and im just hurting him and hurting myself as well...

you said that she has argument with her sister and untill now they dont talk, I know someone who tampo with their sister,brother or mother and didnt talk for 2 years, its because no one did any effort, but i think its different case to the man you love and also u said u already made a lot of effort...

From what you have said in your thread im thinking MAYBE....

- She really don't love you and just after for your money
or

-she is sick or something happened to her thats why she can't answer your call
(why its off now?and u said ur supporting her family,they must know ur number and let u know what is happening with her)

-she is tampo ( maybe she really have a long tampo! well if you love someone you cant stop ur heart to forgive the one u love,you wont like to see him hurting,you will miss him for not talking to him even for a short time)

Also if i have family problem, he is the first to know it coz he is the one i trust love and i feel he is a part of a family which is definitely the closest to me... As i said im a filipina but not all filipina are all same..

Goodluck! Hope she will contact u soon... All the male's advice here are good,Y dont u stop supporting her and see if she gonna contact you, If she is just after your money or just playing on you and not love you then maybe she laughing her a$$ off everytime she gets the money you sending. If my message hurts you, IM SO SORRY... WISH YOU ALL THE BEST...

[grahamw48]

Great reply ! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

If I knew how to give 'rep' I'd do it...sorry.

[blackcatbone]

thank you all for your words it looks like i'm just going to have to wait for her to come round

[sars_notd_virus]

Warning!! Warning!!

Its not typical for a woman to go on silent for a week,even how major or minor problems we have...we need to spit it out ,(talk,talk)...we do sulk once in awhile but it doesnt mean that we have to neglect our concerns especially to the people we '' trully love'' and is most concerned of especially if that person invested a lot to us.
I agree with all the guys here stop sending money dont wait for her to break the news and says the relationship is gone forever (u know what i mean??)..
goodluck!!

[blackcatbone]

mate i'm just so totally confused by her actions i know it sounds terrible but i'm hoping that the family problem is genuine and that is what is keeping her away from communication

[gWaPito]

I fully agree with Sars Mari. Its not right to punish your loved one 7 thousand miles away for something he has not done. Ok a few hours is acceptable for the silent treatment but, a week! Like Mari said, that really is not on. She may be feeling down hearted on her situation For example being away from her husband to be? If you can see light at the end of the tunnel, you have a goal to aim for, if its pure darkness then, there is nothing. None of us know the situation apart from the thread starter. A week of silence is a no no. I cant imagine my wife doing that to me Never No matter what. We are our best friends We share everything apart from the squid she made me yesterday ugh! Like eating a severed hand. Anyway Good luck

[Terpe]

mate i'm just so totally confused by her actions i know it sounds terrible but i'm hoping that the family problem is genuine and that is what is keeping her away from communication

It's natural to be confused when you invested so much emotion and time to this relationship. Anyone would be confused and very hurt.

Also means vunerable.

I don't want to be so harsh or make value judgements, but I repeat......... you MUST be prepared for ANYTHING and don't send any money.

[lovelyme]

Warning!! Warning!!

Its not typical for a woman to go on silent for a week,even how major or minor problems we have...we need to spit it out ,(talk,talk)...we do sulk once in awhile but it doesnt mean that we have to neglect our concerns especially to the people we '' trully love'' and is most concerned of especially if that person invested a lot to us.
I agree with all the guys here stop sending money dont wait for her to break the news and says the relationship is gone forever (u know what i mean??)..
goodluck!!

i agree with u. can't even focus on something if i have issues or misunderstanding with a loved one. as a woman, i prefer to open up and discuss the matter with my partner.

i suggest that u talk to her or send her a letter. tell her your concerns and how you feel. also, mention a deadline when to expect a response from her. if she doesn't respond, then i guess u have to start to think about things and move on.

and yes, stop giving her support until such time that she talks to u again and discuss her concerns.

[Dedworth]

A tricky one I agree with Gwapito a short dose of tampo would be fine but this length of time is unacceptable. I do hope it works out OK

[blackcatbone]

i've layed out the situation just as it happened i'm not keeping anything back here there would be no point in doing so because the advice i've been given would be inaccurate for the situation

[bornatbirth]

A tricky one I agree with Gwapito a short dose of tampo would be fine but this length of time is unacceptable. I do hope it works out OK

if i was married to you, a week would just about be right :icon_lol:

[blackcatbone]

the money seems to be pretty key to this whole mess i dont have much choice in this i think you are all right maybe i need to stop sending anything until she comes back (if she ever does) with her reasons but i must say i'm feeling pretty bloody angry at this minute

[Terpe]

the money seems to be pretty key to this whole mess i dont have much choice in this i think you are all right maybe i need to stop sending anything until she comes back (if she ever does) with her reasons but i must say i'm feeling pretty bloody angry at this minute

The money issue is totally under your control. It's your only pro-active option.

[Dedworth]

if i was married to you, a week would just about be right :icon_lol:

:laugher: I think I had a two day sentence a couple of years ago - no time off for good behaviour though

[bornatbirth]

why are you so angry?, you and anybody else reading this dont know why shes not made any contact with you.

i think its best you cool down and wait before you make matters worse and when she contacts you, let her explain herself...she may have a very valid reason :D

[Arthur Little]

Great reply ! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

:iagree: ...


If I knew how to give 'rep' I'd do it...sorry.

... done on your behalf! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[blackcatbone]

my emotions are all over the place at the moment i'm usually pretty even tempered but if its this tampo thing it just seems very childish and cruel as its been said i'm 7000miles away its not like i can just call on her to sort it out i know i need to let her explain why shes doing this thanx for the warning bornatbirth i will keep my cool when she contacts me i dread losing her so much

[Dedworth]

my emotions are all over the place at the moment i'm usually pretty even tempered but if its this tampo thing it just seems very childish and cruel as its been said i'm 7000miles away its not like i can just call on her to sort it out i know i need to let her explain why shes doing this thanx for the warning bornatbirth i will keep my cool when she contacts me i dread losing her so much

Cruel & Childish you are right but it's SOP for many Filipinas, I'm not surprised you are feeling confused and very frustrated. A bit of reading here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampo

Easier said than done but try to get your mind on other things, withold funding and just ride it out. Good luck

[bornatbirth]

most of have been there, if you stay in the forum long enough you will read many stories....some take the advice others dont...i dont want to comment why she hasnt contacted you, there could be many reasons...maybe the family problem is more urgent at the moment and you do know until your married the philipino family will come first :Erm:

[blackcatbone]

Cruel & Childish you are right but it's SOP for many Filipinas, I'm not surprised you are feeling confused and very frustrated. A bit of reading here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampo

interesting reading Dedworth thank you i can see a purpose to it if i was there with her but being so far from the one i love just seems to make it worse i feel helpless to provide what she needs if this is what her problem is with me

[blackcatbone]

bornatbirth i apreciate the whole family importance its one of the reasons why i want to be with her i'm trying to give her and her family a better life with less struggle i've tried and tried to talk to her i've called her countless times texted her as many times left her offline messages on YM it all seems in vain i'm praying to god that Jane lets us sort this thing out quickly i've been through the whole chain of events in my head so many times and each time i do it makes no sense to me i'm baffled

[malditako]

the way she behaves is unsual for a filipina who loves her guy...dont be fooled by ur emotions that u hurt her in any way coz reading ur story u dont...what's the tampo for...u supporting her and her kids which enough reason for her to give you importances inspite of her problems ( if u call it a problem)...her problems is a bit suspicious....stop sending her money and see what she'll do...her kids are not ur responsibilities at the moment...its good to put trust but u only known her for a short period of time...use ur mind and heart not heart alone...goodluck to u

[blackcatbone]

Gparry thanx you say its unusual for a filipina who loves her guy i know this sounds a little naive but do you think shes stringing me along ?its so hard to see clearly at this time

[malditako]

im speaking as a filipino and a woman as general...if u love someone u dont want them to worry too long, in a LDR one week without a talk is unusual but of course its a case to case basis...look at this way...if someone is giving you financial support which is not their responsibility would u treat them the way ur gf is treating you....well in my part i would if i wanted to get rid of the person. but then who knows whats really going on...just use ur instinct and dont forget the warnings

[blackcatbone]

i cant see why she just cant tell me to get lost if thats what she wants i'm not an ogre i need an end to this

[mickcant]

Hi blackcatbone,:Wave:
I have been through a period of 4 months when my wife disappeared without a word straight after we married.

I agree this can drive you mad with worry, you cannot just switch off feelings for her.

I think you need to get to the bottom of why when you hopefully hear from her, it would be hard to go through life together wondering if it will happen again:crazy:
Mick.:Cuckoo:

[blackcatbone]

mickant EXACTLY !! i cant just turn them on and off as i said Jane has been the focus of my life and my future for 2&half years she has let me meet all of her kids online and the youngest asked me when i was going go there to be her father it choked me up i dont mind admiting. she has introduced me to most of her close friends, i met her sister when i went there in july last, so i dont think she has anyone else(hopefully) she has always said to me that she would do anything for her kids and her good name among them and her friends means so much to her i really dont think she would like any of them to think that she was just going with anyone for the money .i have to admit i'm just at a loss to see what she wants to achieve, i give her most of what she needs and i leave it to her to earn the rest for her own dignity but if she cant find work i give her the remainder so she has no need to find someone else

[blackcatbone]

mickant were you living with your wife at the time she went AWOL or were you living in different countries. i dont want to be nosey here but how did she justify the absence?

[Tawi2]

the way she behaves is unsual for a filipina who loves her guy
Well said and also 100% true ;)
Black gwapito is right,man-up,dont make her the focus of your life,dont let your universe revolve around her as she clearly isnt similarly infatuated,she sounds immature making you go through this,I dont have women who sulk,if I wanted a sulker I would father another kid,adults talk,if she feels she is gaining the upper hand and controling you she will do it for life,its a power struggle with certain types of women:rolleyes:Pinays arent all sweetness and light,thats fact,some are some arent same as english,irish,and eskimo women,there are no perfect ethnicities :icon_lol:
If withholding her allowances makes her contact you then alarm bells should ring:rolleyes:
You met her sister,friends,family eyc?Contact her through them,if no reply bahala na,walk away without contact,if the relationship is money based your going to get a TXT or mail begging forgivness and promising undying love within a short time :icon_lol:

[blackcatbone]

what you need to understand is that i thought i was the focus of her life as well i love her mate this is completely out of the blue i cant win then if she doesnt get in touch :NoNo: and you are saying if she does she just wants my dosh can i take the risk of abandoning her if she tells me the truth or do i just take everything she tells me with a pinch of salt. i will take the advice given here about sending her anything else until i'm sure in my own mind that she is telling me the truth

[blackcatbone]

i met her sister in person during my visit every one else has been online so i dont have contact with them she was obviously nervous about her family and friends meeting me in case it didnt work out its tricky as you know with her being only seperated

[Terpe]

.......... tricky as you know with her being only seperated

So are you saying she is married ?
With no annulment ?

[Tawi2]

and you are saying if she does she just wants my dosh
I didnt say that mate,I said of you cut the cash and she contacts you then be on your guard,the traits she is exhibiting arent mature adult behaviour,I have argued with women,pinays loads of times,but none of them have sulked because I have never been involved with such a woman,we are given the powers of communication for a reason,sulking is something kids or juveniles or immature people do to be honest.Give the sis a TXT and ask the score,get onto her facebook account,check her friends and contact one,ask is there a problem or anything happened,if no joy then sit back and see what happens.

[blackcatbone]

yes mate does that change anything she has no contact with her husband other than for the kids he just gets drunk and abuses her through SMS

[blackcatbone]

tawi2 sorry mate i must have misunderstood your point i dont have her sisters or friends contact numbers mate it didnt seem to be a problem til this time maybe i've been stupid here but i trusted her completely i hope that trust is rewarded
also i didnt realise i was involved with a sulker til now either lol

[Tawi2]

Black,I have met some pinays who play mind-games,they try it on,thats a fact,seeing how far they can take you and what your threshold is,sulking is just one of the many weapons in their armoury,its going to work itself out one way or another,its just a waiting game by the sound of it with the ball firmly in her court,good luck.

[blackcatbone]

tawi 2 cheers for your advice dude believe me i'm taking everything onboard i'm not usually this much of a Mug you are so right i cant let her start thinking that i'm a pushover
as its been mentioned here already if i let her get away with it this time i'm making a rod for my own back

[stevewool]

well it seems to be taking your mind off her at this moment writting to all of us, its hard and yes you get angry too, but stay calm if you can , you have made contact its down to her but also when the time comes to talk ask her what happened to cause this and how it affected you also, you dont what a life like this do you

[Ako Si Jamie]

Perhaps this may shed some light into understanding her more.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampo

[grahamw48]

Hmm, all this paranoia has taken me back to the day I got an email of the ex's translated.

- The one from her sister enquiring about the 'new boyfriend' (that bit I DID understand). :rolleyes:

Of course I'd only been supporting her and HER kids for 12 years at the time.

[blackcatbone]

hi STEVE believe me i will remain calm i really want to just understand this whole situation but you are spot on i cant keep going through this hopefully i'll soon be there with her for good and the uncertainty will be gone ,thats what i cant deal with its the fact of me being so far away that i just feel that im at the mercy of Janes mood.

Jamie thanx mate but dedworth beat you to it. it does make interesting reading and i can understand how its useful if you are there but to be this far away it just comes across to me as callous

grahamw48 thanx mate just what i wanted to hear NOT!!!lol

[pacificelectric]

Am I an extra-terrestrial or what? I have encountered several Pinays from various social and cultural backgrounds and never had tampo, while I am really a pain in the ass and very difficult to adjust to in a relation. If the lady feels right from the start that tampo will work with you, you are a dead man. One tried tampo with me and told me on YM that I should leave alone for several days (hoping I would phone her within 5 minutes).... I ignored her 24 hours and she ended up begging me to resume communication, so please stop whining about being tampoed, you get what you deserve. Now, regarding the vanishing lady subject of this topic, she will probably never reappear. As we say in French, "une de perdue, dix de retrouvées" (one lost, ten found).

[Tawi2]

One tried tampo with me and told me on YM that I should leave alone for several days (hoping I would phone her within 5 minutes).... I ignored her 24 hours and she ended up begging me to resume communication
You discovered the secret :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[bornatbirth]

Am I an extra-terrestrial or what?

close, does being french count :Erm:

i thought a woman would only be tampo because of something you did..like upsetting her and being thoughtless.:D

[mickcant]

mickant were you living with your wife at the time she went AWOL or were you living in different countries. i dont want to be nosey here but how did she justify the absence?

Hi, no problem you are not being nosey, our different experiences can help each other and other members!
My wife and I married at Cagayan De Oro City, Philippines, in April 2008.
it was a civil wedding as I had been married before, but it was a full works do she had around 8 bridesmaids, ring bears etc, all in new dresses and suits, I paid all the wedding cost.

The day after I returned to the UK after my 7 week stay for the wedding and honeymoon, I had no reply from her to my text messages or phone calls, she disappeared for around 4 months with the money I had left with her for visa and flight cost again around £2000.
Her family apparently did not know where she had gone either.

After around 4 months she got back in touch with me, and said she was working in Manila trying to make up the money for her visa and flight, she said she had lost the money in an internet scam trying to double it with her aunty.

Some 18 months after the wedding my wife arrived at Heathrow Airport in the UK on 29th September 2009.
I had paid the visa cost again and bought her air ticket online and emailed her the ticket.

She and her friend went to church on Sunday 4th Oct, 2009 then in the afternoon she said she wanted to go home!
Her Filipina friend talked with her for some time and she seemed prepared to give herself time to settle in before deciding if she should go home.
I had joined this forum, and asked the group for help as I thought she was homesick and several Filipina's living in the UK phoned her.

She still said she must go so I ended up buying a ticket online and home she went.

I was very sad this has happened, and did not know what to do next, in November 2009 I asked her if she would sigh a divorce form if I sent it to her, so we could have a quick end to things, but she said she did not want to divorce, but to come back and make the marriage work.

I was overjoyed at this and sent her an e-ticket for the flight from the Philippines and some money into her account to pay for travel items, and picked her up at Heathrow airport, on 19th December 2009.

But things were only a little better and she left here again in February 2010 and is now living with other Filipino’s, a divorce is under way.

Since starting the divorve I found she had a child with her Filipino boyfriend after our wedding and that was why she delayed arriving in the UK, I was pulling my hair out as I thought things kept going wrong with the visa applacation, but of course she was waiting to give birth!
Mick.

[Ako Si Jamie]

:omg: 4 months without getting in touch? That's unreal. I would have gone mental!:Cuckoo:

[gWaPito]

I've heard it said these tampon types throw a moody by just the guy waking up in the morning. These types are to be found all over the world. The Phil's have a nice acceptable name for it but, at the end of the day they are just spoilt moody bitches. Another thread mentioned there were plenty more in the sea Too right there is. Another poster said he not come across a moody, neither have I in my wife. Like Tawi said If he wanted a moody he would have more kids. As for playing it cool! tsk tsk tsk

[mhaedonald]

thank for the reputation arthur and graham :):)

[bornatbirth]

I've heard it said these tampon types throw a moody by just the guy waking up in the morning. These types are to be found all over the world. The Phil's have a nice acceptable name for it but, at the end of the day they are just spoilt moody bitches. Another thread mentioned there were plenty more in the sea Too right there is. Another poster said he not come across a moody, neither have I in my wife. Like Tawi said If he wanted a moody he would have more kids. As for playing it cool! tsk tsk tsk

a filipina will only go tampo after she as been upset by her partner, a moody woman is moody all the time and probably more moody when having a tampo or that time of the month :icon_lol:

[mickcant]

:omg: 4 months without getting in touch? That's unreal. I would have gone mental!:Cuckoo:

I did i was a wreck at the time and ended up retiring from work a year early:crazy:
Mick.:cwm23:

[gWaPito]

im sure some people are just born victims. They just attract the wrong ones. We all attract certain types and in turn go for certain types, whether its right or wrong. So lets not keep blaming the women here. There is choice, choice not to pick the wrong one. Dont just listen to your heart, listen to your head and sometimes your mother! Forget the last option, she wouldn't have you married at all. In reply to Born a Birth about the moody thing. If someone is being silent towards me that, to me is being moody or having a mood on. You can call it what you like, its all the same to me. Good post by the way by Pacific electric. I totally agree

[Ako Si Jamie]

hi STEVE believe me i will remain calm i really want to just understand this whole situation but you are spot on i cant keep going through this hopefully i'll soon be there with her for good and the uncertainty will be gone ,thats what i cant deal with its the fact of me being so far away that i just feel that im at the mercy of Janes mood.

Jamie thanx mate but dedworth beat you to it. it does make interesting reading and i can understand how its useful if you are there but to be this far away it just comes across to me as callous

grahamw48 thanx mate just what i wanted to hear NOT!!!lol I just noticed :doh :icon_lol:


I did i was a wreck at the time and ended up retiring from work a year early:crazy:
Mick.:cwm23: How old is she?

[pacificelectric]

close, does being french count :Erm:

i thought a woman would only be tampo because of something you did..like upsetting her and being thoughtless.:D

Then she's better explain and state the reasons why she is dissatisfied instead of showing an ugly and frozen face! As far as I am concerned tampo is an inability to communicate and I am glad the Pinay with whom I am communicating now prefers discussion and controversy, however harsh, to tampo!

[mickcant]

I just noticed :doh :icon_lol:

How old is she?

30.
Mick.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[blackcatbone]

mickcant i feel for you mate i really do, that is just so wrong and i cant believe that in any country no matter how poor that that can be seen as being permissable

[stevewool]

you see most have stories to tell here some bad but most are very good , life is ment to be lived to the full and some dont know that, yes you have experienced love with someone far away and its great but make sure she is the one for you, again we all have our fall outs even us men but its hard to say sorry sometimes, then its to late , i hope it turns out ok for you but tere are lots out there still, she owes you nothing and you owe her nothing too, maybe its a way of saying to you move on

[blackcatbone]

steve i hear what you are saying mate but its still so fresh i'm finding it difficult to get my head around the fact that Jane Marie would even consider throwing all i've done for her in my face like this

[stevewool]

total agree with you mate , you have done all you can it seems other then fly out there, can you not contact her through skype or any other way on the com,and how long as it been without contact from jane, there was a time i could not get emma only a day or so and i was going mad, but there was a very good excuss when we did make contact, my Emmas words was , i have more important things to spend my money on steve then to call you like food to live , that brought it all home to me, we are married and i love her so much we are blessed, so there could be a very good reason ther is no contact

[blackcatbone]

of course i understand that there may be a valid reason for her absence mate its been just over a week i've tried to contact her on skype &YM and left offline messages there i've texted her and phoned her cp and got no reply from either, the cp just rings until i get a message saying device unattended so i'm not expecting her to find the money to phone me i'm doing all the work and i'm happy to do it. i'm at a loss mate, i really am thinking about booking a flight at the end of the month. i'm so worried maybe she is ill or worse and here i'm thinking she has just dumped me its driving me nuts

[sars_notd_virus]

mate i'm just so totally confused by her actions i know it sounds terrible but i'm hoping that the family problem is genuine and that is what is keeping her away from communication

Don't be confuse just be alarmed of the attitude and treatment you are getting from your gf now..if that is ok and you are happy to live like that with her in the future then we will all be happy for you!!

Our culture may not be the same but filipino customs and traditions lies within the family and respect for our roots thats why it is wise for a man to meet and know the family of the girl, define where she came from, in which will guide him to where will they head on in the future.

[somebody]

total agree with you mate , you have done all you can it seems other then fly out there, can you not contact her through skype or any other way on the com,and how long as it been without contact from jane, there was a time i could not get emma only a day or so and i was going mad, but there was a very good excuss when we did make contact, my Emmas words was , i have more important things to spend my money on steve then to call you like food to live , that brought it all home to me, we are married and i love her so much we are blessed, so there could be a very good reason ther is no contact

So true Steve.

There are few safety nets in Phill for the typical citizen so when an issue arises it can be all hands to the decks to deal with the situation.

Just let her know your there but constantly trying may have the wrong affect. Do you have a facebook account or friendster for her could you not politely contact a good friend of hers? Say something like all i need to know is she is ok if she is busy or does not wish to speak to me I can respect that?

Hope you get an answer soon and hopefully a good one :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[grahamw48]

My ex's family were/are absolutely brilliant, and what is crazy is that even though I'm now divorced, lots of them are Facebook friends. :)

[blackcatbone]

i could understand if there was a massive age gap or that we had nothing in common with each other I'm46 and Jane Marie is 41 i could see if she was a young girl and not sure of what she wanted in her life how she maybe would act this way but she is not that much younger than me and i would NEVER treat someone that i cared for in this manner Hell i wouldn't treat someone i didn't like this way. i mean she told me that her husband had many affairs and abused her that was why she left him so she knows what its like to be hurt maybe that was all lies i really dont know now

[blackcatbone]

somebody yes i've just emailed her son and tried to send a message to one of her other sons on facebook as for her other family and friends i dont have any way of contacting them

[sars_notd_virus]

I've heard it said these tampon types throw a moody by just the guy waking up in the morning. These types are to be found all over the world. The Phil's have a nice acceptable name for it but, at the end of the day they are just spoilt moody bitches. Another thread mentioned there were plenty more in the sea Too right there is. Another poster said he not come across a moody, neither have I in my wife. Like Tawi said If he wanted a moody he would have more kids. As for playing it cool! tsk tsk tsk

I am a woman and a true blooded Filipina, when I sulk its one way of telling my hubby that I need attention or I want something and I want it now!!! ..or maybe one of the usual monthly hormonal flare ups!!(hey gwapito,beware of Jane/pumpkins,pregnant woman tends to have hormonal imbalance :D) ... and yeah i can be the nastiest bitch my husband ever encountered in his life but he knows how to tame me,'' a warm hug and telling me everything will be fine hun'' will do just great!! (this is hard for LDR relationship u cannot easily hug your love one straight away...so arguments should be minimize especially when you are far and away with each other) sulkiness shouldn't last the whole of a week/month/year..its over exaggerated... its not healthy in a relationship and might just well move on without each other.

[Ako Si Jamie]

30.
Mick.:xxgrinning--00xx3:
Old enough to know that behaviour is unacceptable. I think you're better off without her if she does that kind of stuff to you.

Could be worse though. I was at the tattooist this week and he told me of his friend who met a Filipina. He sold his house in the UK and bought one in the Phils. They lived together for 3 months then she kicked him out. He didn't have a leg to stand on and lost everything.

[malditako]

i could understand if there was a massive age gap or that we had nothing in common with each other I'm46 and Jane Marie is 41 i could see if she was a young girl and not sure of what she wanted in her life how she maybe would act this way but she is not that much younger than me and i would NEVER treat someone that i cared for in this manner Hell i wouldn't treat someone i didn't like this way. i mean she told me that her husband had many affairs and abused her that was why she left him so she knows what its like to be hurt maybe that was all lies i really dont know now

so she is 41..at her age she definitely knows what she's doing and acting :rolleyes:

[joebloggs]

you been chatting for 2yrs, met her once, been supporting her since july, and has a family problem she will not tell you about..

i think after 2yrs she would have told you what that problem was, and most family problems are about pera !

i think you've said its been a week since you've heard from her, that's a long time to sulk over such a minor thing. maybe there is a more serious problem you don't know about.:Erm:.

2yrs is a long time, not only is distance a problem for those in LDRs so is time, as you said after you visited her she went on with living her life, just like you did.

i suppose all you can do is sit and wait for her to reply, and get her to tell you why she has acted like this... :Erm:

[blackcatbone]

Joe i know its the not knowing thats hard to take

[mickcant]

Old enough to know that behaviour is unacceptable. I think you're better off without her if she does that kind of stuff to you.

Could be worse though. I was at the tattooist this week and he told me of his friend who met a Filipina. He sold his house in the UK and bought one in the Phils. They lived together for 3 months then she kicked him out. He didn't have a leg to stand on and lost everything.

If you are on about my situation still and not blackcatbones then I too lost everything but my home.
The biggest lost for me was emotional and the worry of no contact for the 4 months.
I now know her family told me lies to cover up for her while she was with her boyfriend straight after we married.

She had a baby by him, then came to the UK just so she could work and send money home.

I had already helped the family a lot, including money for operations on her siblings
(Yes the treatment was/is necessary I saw it with my own eyes)

I then went through around 13 months of hell with different excuses why the visa was taking so long, I was going to visit again but she said not to as we would soon be together, she did not want me to visit because she was pregnant.

Looking back now I was stupid to be taken in, but I loved her and we were then married and I could not understand why we could not be together!
Mick.

[joebloggs]

Joe i know its the not knowing thats hard to take

i know :cwm24:, i've been thru the same many years ago :cwm24:

have you noticed any changes in her feelings towards you in the last 2yrs, were there any after you met ?

[blackcatbone]

joe this sounds unreal under the current situation but until now Jane Marie has always been very loving she said to me after i got back that when i visited her she liked me only which i can understand completely but told me after that she missed me terribly and knew i was the one to spend the rest of her life with figure that out mate if you can you're a better man than me

[Ako Si Jamie]

If you are on about my situation still and not blackcatbones then I too lost everything but my home.
The biggest lost for me was emotional and the worry of no contact for the 4 months.
I now know her family told me lies to cover up for her while she was with her boyfriend straight after we married.

She had a baby by him, then came to the UK just so she could work and send money home.

I had already helped the family a lot, including money for operations on her siblings
(Yes the treatment was/is necessary I saw it with my own eyes)

I then went through around 13 months of hell with different excuses why the visa was taking so long, I was going to visit again but she said not to as we would soon be together, she did not want me to visit because she was pregnant.

Looking back now I was stupid to be taken in, but I loved her and we were then married and I could not understand why we could not be together!
Mick.

I think most of us blokes get taken in by a woman at some point in our lives because we go with our hearts and not with our heads. Easy thing to happen.

[joebloggs]

:NoNo:

unreal, nothing much surprises me any more on here or in life, I've seen many :crazy: things on here thru the years and ones i'm been thru myself..

either shes sulking (possible but a week is along time - last time my misses had a tampo was many years ago, when she thru something at me, the most shes sulked was a day or so)

you've been scammed ( possible but you've met her, so less likely, but then even some filipinas have married and scammed their partner)

you've been used ( had no real intention of doing this to you, but for what ever reasons its gone like this)

she can't reply (inet down, no creds, etc - i doubt it always a internet cafe or a friend who can get a text to you)

shes ill or in hospital etc (doubt it again, you had an argument and get the cold shoulder)

[joebloggs]

I think most of us blokes get taken in by a woman at some point in our lives because we go with our hearts and not with our heads. Easy thing to happen.

not women, but liars, cheats or scammers, men or women :angry:

[grahamw48]

I'm going to stay single. :cwm3:

[Terpe]

......because we go with our hearts and not with our heads. Easy thing to happen.

This is so true, especially for me.
It's so easy to tell others what they must or must not do when we have no emotional investment. We all do it.
By the same token, we all learn our best lessons from our mistakes and failures in the past.
One thing I've learned, is understanding what I WILL do by finding out what I WILL NOT do.
And I will not give up trying to achieve compassion, calmness and a warm heart.

So looks like I'm setting myself up again:D

[blackcatbone]

Mickcant i feel for you mate your situation makes mine look tame by comparison are you still looking mate it would be a crying shame if you let this stop you fella

[Ako Si Jamie]

This is so true, especially for me.
It's so easy to tell others what they must or must not do when we have no emotional investment. We all do it.
By the same token, we all learn our best lessons from our mistakes and failures in the past.
One thing I've learned, is understanding what I WILL do by finding out what I WILL NOT do.
And I will not give up trying to achieve compassion, calmness and a warm heart.

So looks like I'm setting myself up again:D I'll be the first to admit I was a big soft apeth towards women in my younger days but since being hurt a couple of times I said to myself I'd only show that side to a woman until I see her cards first.

Like you correctly said, it's about learning from your mistakes but some don't and create a rod for their own backs by going round in circles.

But we're all guilty of focusing on the book cover and not the content.

[Sim11UK]

Are you sure (any niggling doubts) that her husband is off the scene?
...You did say, she would do anything for her kids?
In a drastic situation, there could be adultery issues??

Family issues?
Never ever underestimate the strength the family may have over her...Like joebloggs, I've had
problems with the family before, a very miserable time.
Even as adults, the family can still win over...I had many on here, including Filipinas, saying 'she's an adult, she can make her own decisions'...not always true :NoNo: & I had a lot of support from other members, who recognised my situation & weren't neccessarily surprised.

Different cultures, all sorts of problems can rear their ugly head...if you really think she's worth it, then all you can do for now, is sit tight.

Hope you hear something soon. :)

[blackcatbone]

sim11uk thanx for your words mate i'm pretty 100% that the husband is history as far as Jane Marie is concerned. i know the family is everything to her and i did ask her before she stopped talking if it was anything to do with her and myself and she said no it was just something in the family so i'm stumped mate at the minute she is everything to me so i need to see this through i'm sitting very very tight

[blackcatbone]

see Treat them mean to keep them keen; its funny now that someones mentioned it but in my situation i remember Jane Marie saying that she enjoys an argument sometimes because it can make the 'making up' more sweet in her words. she said too much of a good thing was boring OMG maybe i just made the biggest mistake of my life Jamiexxxmaria thanx for the memory jog mate maybe i need to leave her alone there is an old saying leave them alone and they'll come home wagging their tails behind them :doh

[grahamw48]

sim11uk thanx for your words mate i'm pretty 100% that the husband is history as far as Jane Marie is concerned. i know the family is everything to her and i did ask her before she stopped talking if it was anything to do with her and myself and she said no it was just something in the family so i'm stumped mate at the minute she is everything to me so i need to see this through i'm sitting very very tight

Be wary of male partners/ex-partners.

http://tropicalpenpals.com/blog/things-related-directly-about-the-philippines/archieve-news/scottish-sailor-murdered-in-the-philippines-by-fiancs-boyfriend/

Don't know if it's been mentioned yet, but (unless you plan on emigrating to the Phils)
the father of your girlfriend's kids could well throw a spanner in the works for any future plans you may have to bring the family to the UK. He has the right to refuse giving his consent to the removal from the country of his children. Which, as a father myself I can fully empathise with.

If your girlfriend is still married, it could also take years and a great deal of expense to have the marriage annulled.

[blackcatbone]

grahamw48 well before all this happened i was planning to emigrate to RP i wouldn't dream of taking someones kids away from them even though he has very little contact with them if any. he seems to be intent on inseminating the entire population of young girls in the islands

[grahamw48]

grahamw48 well before all this happened i was planning to emigrate to RP i wouldn't dream of taking someones kids away from them even though he has very little contact with them if any. he seems to be intent on inseminating the entire population of young girls in the islands

Not sure how I should respond to that...maybe a thumbs-up smiley would be inappropriate. :laugher:

[Arthur Little]

Whilst I don't altogether advocate the "Treat 'em mean ... keep 'em keen" theory - as discussed on a separate thread - I do believe you ought to try and detach yourself a bit by playing "hard to get" for a while! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[mindanao]

speaking of jane marie's age at 41. I am pretty sure that she had earned her maturity well enough and her actions for not speaking or contacting with you might be based on valid reasons for herself. So BCB, take a step back for while and see how situations move on. You are still young ,don't cry over spilled milk.

[Rosie1958]

speaking of jane marie's age at 41. I am pretty sure that she had earned her maturity well enough and her actions for not speaking or contacting with you might be based on valid reasons for herself. So BCB, take a step back for while and see how situations move on. .

I agree with Mindanao ........... she needs some space and you are not doing yourself any favours by becoming so upset and paranoid over the situation. There could be genuine reasons for not contacting you at the moment, especially if she is having a hard time herself. Hopefully, in time she will communicate with you again. If not, as hard as it seems, you will have to accept the situation and move on. ..........

[blackcatbone]

Not sure how I should respond to that...maybe a thumbs-up smiley would be inappropriate. :laugher:

maybe a little graham

[blackcatbone]

Mindanao & Rosie 1958 thanx for the advice its all i can do now so we will have to see how this turns out

[blackcatbone]

Whilst I don't altogether advocate the "Treat 'em mean ... keep 'em keen" theory - as discussed on a separate thread - I do believe you ought to try and detach yourself a bit by playing "hard to get" for a while! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Arthur this seems to be the consencus of the whole community here and i intend to take that advice cheers mate

[Ako Si Jamie]

Arthur's advice is spot on. Give her something to think about.

[phoebe]

Hi Bcb,
I am new and I am female. I did post my problems here as well. Anyway, I read thru your problems and I know this going to be harsh.Firstly, you are a sweet guy who really loves Jane Maria. You are commited in this relationship. However, I do not think she loves you as much as you love her.Honestly, if a woman loves a man she will not go silent for so long .I just hope she is not playing with your emotion .Even she is sick, she still can send you a short sms to let you know she is not well but will get in touch once she is well and not to worry.A person who is sick, still think of the person whom they cared about unless she dont care for you. I hope I am wrong , but it looks like she wants to cease communication with you.
Even if she is showing her tampo is unusual to have gone on for so long ...something is not right.I am sorry being harsh here but I hope you are ready to face what is coming.I really hope she will get in contact with you soon....true love always finds its way back and if you are destined to be together it will happened .Meantime, I hope you do not loose concentration and keep yourself healthy.All the best.Sorry , if my opinion sounded harsh.

[joebloggs]

you could be right phobe, like i said b4 its not only distance that causes problems, its time, 1 visit in 2yrs people get on with their lifes ( i've been there myself kept my now misses waiting for a long time b4 i wait to see her, not good :NoNo:)

time will tell, but hopefully she has a good reason for acting this :Erm:

[grahamw48]

you could be right phobe, like i said b4 its not only distance that causes problems, its time, 1 visit in 2yrs people get on with their lifes ( i've been there myself kept my now misses waiting for a long time b4 i wait to see her, not good :NoNo:)

time will tell, but hopefully she has a good reason for acting this :Erm:

Have to agree.

Contributed greatly to the break-up of my marriage.

[blackcatbone]

i'm not holding much hope here i found one of her friends on facebook and talked with her yesterday she accepted my friend request and she said she would text jane to see if she could do something to help today i see she is missing from my friends list and nothing to tell me about it seems that Jane was seeing a danish guy before me but she said that it was over but i really dont believe her i think i was a fool that loved her and her kids but to her i was just a walking pound sign when i went there i gave her a large sum of money and a laptop plus buying one of her sons an electric guitar and giving Jane many other smaller presents now i find that all her kids know this dane i know i have been fooled and it hurts

[stevewool]

dont be to hard on yourself, we all have made mistakes with love but we all move on, just take a breath and see whats around the corner, try not to fall in love so quick though:icon_lol:, just enjoy the company and who knows what may happen

[Lancashirelad]

Ive just read all of this thread I sympathize with your situation, brings back memories of a break up in my past with a uk ex.

To anyone starting a LDR i would say the best advice is that you should be involved with each others family and friends meet them as soon as possible and have access to each others email, facebook ect.

I hope you can stay positive and try not to be bitter, you sound like you deserve much better, its difficult when you have fully committed to someone then they cut you out, but if thats how she really is you really got a lucky escape.

[grahamw48]

I agree.

For anyone starting such a relationship
there is no substitute for getting over to the Phils ASAP, staying as long as possible and weighing up the situation before you build a fantasy.

I know it might sound cruel,, but you might find a better match while you're there too.

Plus...'while the cat's away', etc. :Erm:

[joebloggs]

now i find that all her kids know this dane i know i have been fooled and it hurts

:NoNo: sorry its turned out like this, i dont know how some people can sleep at night :angry:

[dontpushme]

Hi BCB, I just read this whole thread in one sitting (phew!) and I wanted to say that your worries about something bad happening to her were unfounded. If she had been hurt or something bad had happened to her, her phone wouldn't have rung and it would have gone straight to the "unattended" message.

So now it's come to this then? I'm sorry that you went through so much emotional turmoil with this girl. I hope it's not the Dane but if it is, just be glad you didn't lose more than you did. I know that sounds like a generic response, but seriously, it's a good thing she didn't string you along for longer than she has.

Lancashirelad's right. I think if a woman won't let you dive in and meet her family and interact with them on your own and without her supervision, there might be a good reason to watch your step. In the Philippines, family comes first. And if a woman wanted to be with you, she'd want her family to approve of you, which means she'd want her family to interact with you so you can make a good impression on them.

:yikes:Mick, I didn't realise you went through so much! :( I honestly don't understand how people move on after being hurt and betrayed like that. But I guess that shows strength of character to be able to pull yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going.

[mindanao]

:doh BCB, so you found out that she seeing another guy. Am sorry. So now, STOP everything that concerns about her..
Sad to say there are some pinays who made a CAREER out of befriending and gettting into relationships with westerner coz it pays well. These pinays gets money, presents, free trips about nice expensive resorts in the country. Afterwards, they'll find another one who will give more treats than the other. Easy jobs :doh ... So guys and gals be careful as loads have been scammed too.

[mickcant]

:yikes:Mick, I didn't realise you went through so much! :( I honestly don't understand how people move on after being hurt and betrayed like that. But I guess that shows strength of character to be able to pull yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going.

Hi dontpushme,:Wave:
Things went on over a longish period of time, and I just did not expect to be treated like that:Cuckoo:

It is not yet over but I have had no contact with her for around six months, I still have some very black moments and wonder how I could have been so thick not to realise:crazy:

Perhaps becouse I expected to be treated as I treated her with "love and caring"
Thanks,
Mick.:furious3:

[fred]

Don't know if it's been mentioned yet, but (unless you plan on emigrating to the Phils)
the father of your girlfriend's kids could well throw a spanner in the works for any future plans you may have to bring the family to the UK. He has the right to refuse giving his consent to the removal from the country of his children. Which, as a father myself I can fully empathise with.

If your girlfriend is still married, it could also take years and a great deal of expense to have the marriage annulled.


If the husband filed an adultery complaint before any annulment they could both end up in prison for 5 years..:cwm24:

[dontpushme]

Hi dontpushme,:Wave:
Things went on over a longish period of time, and I just did not expect to be treated like that:Cuckoo:

It is not yet over but I have had no contact with her for around six months, I still have some very black moments and wonder how I could have been so thick not to realise:crazy:

Perhaps becouse I expected to be treated as I treated her with "love and caring"
Thanks,
Mick.:furious3:

Well, you had every right to be treated properly and she blew it.

Your story reminds me of one of the ladies who goes to my church here. She said she was in a long-distance relationship when she was younger and it took her two and a half years to realise that he was not who she thought he was. She said that she remembers sitting in a movie theater with him and it just dawned on her then and there that he was not the man she thought she knew. All the lies just came crashing down on her head and he kept pretending everything was okay. Just goes to show how it can really take years for someone to see what's wrong with a relationship.

[mickcant]

Well, you had every right to be treated properly and she blew it.

Your story reminds me of one of the ladies who goes to my church here. She said she was in a long-distance relationship when she was younger and it took her two and a half years to realise that he was not who she thought he was. She said that she remembers sitting in a movie theater with him and it just dawned on her then and there that he was not the man she thought she knew. All the lies just came crashing down on her head and he kept pretending everything was okay. Just goes to show how it can really take years for someone to see what's wrong with a relationship.

When we were together I was very happy and would have done anything to stay together, she did not feel the same, it finally sunk in with me when she said she would not come to marriage guidence with me, she just did not want to save the marriage, all she wanted was to be able to work here and send money home:Erm:
Mick.:)

[phoebe]

Hi BCB,
I am really sorry for what has happened to you.It was not nice of her for doing this to you .She should have told you. She obviously do not deserve you. Please do take care of yourself and you will get over this . I am sure everyone here will support you thru this times.Hang in there .

[blackcatbone]

firstly i would like to thank each and every one here you have all been so nice to me over this sorry mess i feel like i've found a home here almost :) before this i was only ever here on and off but i intend being more part of this community once again thank you all for your support and kindness

[Dedworth]

firstly i would like to thank each and every one here you have all been so nice to me over this sorry mess i feel like i've found a home here almost :) before this i was only ever here on and off but i intend being more part of this community once again thank you all for your support and kindness

I was very sorry to hear the way it had turned out there always seem to be a few not so nice outcomes reported on here to offset all the good one's :bigcry:

I hope that your ration of bad luck has been used for 2011 and everything goes great for you from now on. Every cloud has a silver lining, stay positive etc etc

[malditako]

I know it might sound cruel,, but you might find a better match while you're there too.

Plus...'while the cat's away', etc. :Erm:

:NoNo: lol

[malditako]

looks like ur getting answers now to all your questions...time to move on and find someone better who really deserves your love

[blackcatbone]

Gparry salamat po

[Terpe]

BCB, you have been subjected to a cruel and deliberate game.
Please try to remain positive (I know easier said than done)
There have been much sadder stories, but I know how much it hurts it so many ways.
Listen BCB, it can happen to anyone. Don't lose your positive attitude.
It could have been much worse.

[grahamw48]

True....could have been my ex. :)

[stevewool]

a new year a new start look at it that way and before you know it , smiles and happiness will be back in leaps and bounds, good luck:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Sim11UK]

I'm sorry things are the way they are:NoNo: yes stay on the forum...you know it makes sense. :)

[sars_notd_virus]

''A good man only deserves a good woman''...be happy thats its over,at least you are out of jane marie's quagmire!!

[dontpushme]

BCB, it sounds like you're on the mend. :) I'm glad you found the answers you were looking for.:xxgrinning--00xx3: LOL, and sars is right. It's definitely a good thing you're past that mess.:D

Mick, I hope I never have to experience anything like you did, but if I do, then I hope I'm as resilient as you. LOL.

[blackcatbone]

thank you but i'm a long way from being on the mend it feels like someone has died to me but i have nobody to mourn

[joebloggs]

thank you but i'm a long way from being on the mend it feels like someone has died to me but i have nobody to mourn

:cwm24: as :censored: as you feel now blackcatbone time is a great healer, and in the following weeks and months the pain will fade

[mickcant]

Mick, I hope I never have to experience anything like you did, but if I do, then I hope I'm as resilient as you. LOL.

I suppose we have to acept what happens, if I could have gone back and changed things to make it work I would, but we have no time machine!
Thanks for your good thoughts.
Mick.:)