A Blast From The Past and an Enquiry! *^^* [Archive]

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HopeUK

21st February 2011, 23:06

Hi Peeps!

Well it’s been a while since I’ve been in here. Indeed I never thought to be back here again to be honest, but I remembered everyone who was so helpful to me last time, even if the plan DID go completely pear-shaped. To them I say another “thank you”, and I bring you further news. The quest for love concerning the Philippines was not as closed as I thought. I persevered, kept in good spirits and with an open mind I have found a new Filipina love. She is 35 years old, very cute, has a delightful 7 year old son and lives in Mabuhay City, where she runs her own internet shop – a handy side effect facilitating our constant contact! We met online in August 2010 and cultivated a very real and very deep relationship which began with a very understanding bond of friendship and trust. With the notable exception of a holiday weekend which I had in October last year, we have had contact virtually every day (which frankly makes a mockery of the last “relationship”). I believe without a shadow of doubt that what we have is completely genuine. Though this may be quite a mundane thing for many members here, it still entertains us both that we often finish each other’s sentences and read one another’s minds. The only glitch we do have in this blissful romance is that she is still married - but her ex (as she very solidly refers to him) hasn’t been seen for at least two years and seems thoroughly out of the picture since he’s shown no interest in their son, nor has he contributed to his upbringing. Having been effectively abandoned I believe she will be seeking an annulment with or without his presence in the fullness of time. I’m visiting this coming April (yes, April again!! :icon_lol:) to spend two weeks of wonderful bonding and emotional exploration. For those who recall the last ‘incident’ in April 2010, all I can say is that this relationship has highlighted what a ridiculous exercise the previous encounter really was - though it has to be said it’s only really been possible to know this with hindsight and the actual experience itself. I’m sure many have been her before under far worse conditions than myself, but looking back I don’t begrudge a second of it, however nightmarish it was at the time!

I have to admit though that I still need some help (hehehe). I’m basically looking in advance for any and all advice regarding possibilities for uniting us here in the UK, should things pan out in the flesh as we fully expect come April. Now before anyone mentions it or the moderator gets giddy, I realise there are vast volumes of knowledge here already on the matter but I would appreciate a second opinion on something quite specific – perhaps if you have had direct experience you might be the ideal person to help me (also I’m sure you’ll appreciate that this same posted information may indeed be out of date). Reading a lot of the advice here on the forum there seems to be a lot of people who got married before attempting to be together here in the UK. I was looking to the Fiancee visa (subject to her annulment) as a likely route, but looking at the UK Border Agency site I have noticed that there is a section under “partners and Families” which appears to state that we could be united as “unmarried/same-sex partners”.

http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/partnersandfamilies/partners/

and the subsequent page..

http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/partnersandfamilies/partners/unmarriedsamesexpartners/

One thing in this does perplex me.. I admit I may be missing something obvious but it says that you need to be able to show that (quote) “you have both been living together as if you were married or in a civil partnership for at least two years”. The obvious flaw to this logic is how can we possibly have been doing this if I am required, by another part of this legislation, to be the “currently living and settled in the UK” half of the partnership? Have I really missed an important point here? :Erm: There may be more questions as I explore other avenues.. hehehe.

As with my case last April, any help here is appreciated, and for those who helped me before.. you will know I really mean this!

Peace

Sim11UK

21st February 2011, 23:20

Blimey! you came back :Jump:
There are a few going through the annulment process, so maybe they can advise you.

aposhark

22nd February 2011, 00:37

Hello again HopeUK :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Well you stuck at it and it seems you are very happy with another Filipina. Great stuff :)
I don't know enough about the “unmarried/same-sex partners” issue.

We have seen many people asking for advice and the consensus of opinion always seems to advise (mostly) men to visit there and get to know their partner in person.
You will need to prove "evidence of relationship" if you continue down the road to getting a visa stamp in your lady's passport so I would advise you to start collating evidence such as plane tickets, hotel bills, chat logs, photographs, money transfers etc.

People who have been over there at least two times show that the relationship is not a flash in the pan.

Try to be sure about her as much as possible without being paranoid and ask questions here.

I hope you find happiness with her, you are clearly intelligent and a clear thinker.

All the best in your quest for love and happiness. It is a long and sometimes painfull journey but the benefits are great :heartshape1:

keithAngel

22nd February 2011, 03:53

Hope good to see you again I see you have a liking for the more complex situation.

You havnt picked an easy one the issues you will face quite apart from first meeting the Lady and her child are the time and cost of any annulment and wether her ex gets wind and wants a pay off

Does she have sole custody and does her ex appear on her childs birth certificate if so it could be tricky to get the child permission to leave and more leverage for the ex

Will the R.P. let her leave as an unmarried partner with a child without full consent of the father this will require further research

All in all you will have plenty of time to consider these isues but first there is no substitute for first hand meetings

All the best on your new adventure:xxgrinning--00xx3:

HopeUK

22nd February 2011, 12:24

Hey Sim11uk.. nice to be back! How are things with you!? I can tell you this all came as rather a surprise (as you can probably imagine after the last fiasco) but it’s so much more solid this time around. What a nightmare the last effort really was! This time is so much different it might as well be on another planet! I suspect I shall be taking all the advice I can regarding the annulment in all its strange and grey shady aspects.. hehehe

Aposhark! Hi there!! Yes, I stuck at it. Well, to be honest I couldn’t just give up. If anything the last “event” galvanised my determination to persevere. I just didn’t expect to be looking at the Philippines again, though to be fair the Philippines found me.
The evidence gathering is in mind if not in full swing. We have so much archive chat from YHN MSN I couldn’t possibly print it all. The plane tickets etc.. are all going to be saved when I go - anything I can lay my grubby little mitts on! To be honest my friend, I have all the certainty I need this time. We have shared so much feeling and conversation there is as little room for any doubt as possible. Really the only challenge remaining is whether we are actually okay together in the flesh. Thanks for the support.. In fact, that goes to everyone – all you guys are a great source of support – I guess we’re all in it together though eh?!

KeithAngel – hi man, how does life find you these days? It seems the complicated life finds me, and nowhere moreso than in my love life.. would it surprise you to know that I actually like the quiet life? Grrrr.. one day.. hahaha.
I suspect she has her ex over a barrel with the various ills he seems to have performed over the years that they were together. He may have a go at contesting things but she seems quite secure that he will just be quiet – I could just put it down to his pattern of behaviour over the last two years of his absence, but something tells me it’s also something to do with him running off into the sunset with one of his band members. I think the best policy is to take it all in our stride. As to the legal bits, well I would imagine his name would be on the birth cert, and as to the custody issue, well as he vanished with a band member into the wild blue yonder then I would say on balance he’s going to have a tricky time justifying his actions. As far as she’s concerned I think she’s wanting to annul the marriage from here if she can be here as my partner, but I have to admit this seems like something which needs taking care of before she comes over – the question of how she could legitimately leave and gain UK residency with a marriage in tow is something I can’t see happening. Also, what’s R.P mate? (sorry about my ignorance on your shorthand). I guess my main issues are:

a) How do we get through the annulment in one piece, and
b) How do we understand the legal proceedings of gaining a uk visa for her as a partner if (as it appears) we need to have lived together for two years!!!???? THIS REALLY DOESN’T MAKE SENSE..
Ah well.. I’ll keep you all posted as I go, but if anyone can have a look at the “Families & Partners” section on the UK Border Agency site and see if they can relate it to their own success or experiences then I will be eternally grateful to anyone who can unravel this (and any other) contradiction..

Peace

keithAngel

22nd February 2011, 16:06

[QUOTE=HopeUK;275787
KeithAngel – hi man, how does life find you these days? It seems the complicated life finds me, and nowhere moreso than in my love life.. would it surprise you to know that I actually like the quiet life? Grrrr.. one day.. hahaha.
I suspect she has her ex over a barrel with the various ills he seems to have performed over the years that they were together. He may have a go at contesting things but she seems quite secure that he will just be quiet – I could just put it down to his pattern of behaviour over the last two years of his absence, but something tells me it’s also something to do with him running off into the sunset with one of his band members. I think the best policy is to take it all in our stride. As to the legal bits, well I would imagine his name would be on the birth cert, and as to the custody issue, well as he vanished with a band member into the wild blue yonder then I would say on balance he’s going to have a tricky time justifying his actions. As far as she’s concerned I think she’s wanting to annul the marriage from here if she can be here as my partner, but I have to admit this seems like something which needs taking care of before she comes over – the question of how she could legitimately leave and gain UK residency with a marriage in tow is something I can’t see happening. Also, what’s R.P mate? (sorry about my ignorance on your shorthand). I guess my main issues are:

a) How do we get through the annulment in one piece, and
b) How do we understand the legal proceedings of gaining a uk visa for her as a partner if (as it appears) we need to have lived together for two years!!!???? THIS REALLY DOESN’T MAKE SENSE..
Ah well.. I’ll keep you all posted as I go, but if anyone can have a look at the “Families & Partners” section on the UK Border Agency site and see if they can relate it to their own success or experiences then I will be eternally grateful to anyone who can unravel this (and any other) contradiction..

Peace[/QUOTE]

Well hope I got married to Jhean on Valentines so pretty damn good thanks for asking

befor recovering my earlier points perhaps the most important given your previous experience is to go and see her spend as much time as you can and make sure the relationship is grounded in fact

The R.P. Republic of the Philipines has difewrent rules of engagement you might want to look for the RP,s position on "the family" which is of a diferent flavour to our versions you have a long haul ahead with plenty of extra finance required :xxgrinning--00xx3:

HopeUK

22nd February 2011, 18:07

Congratulations to you and Jhean my friend!! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

With the last experience in mind, I fully intend to appreciate and live in every single second we have together!! Don't worry about that! :icon_lol:

Thanks for the acronym! hehe.. Republic of Phils.. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I know it's probably going to be quite a slog, but if the relationship we have thus far is the future, then its going to be worth every second and every £! :)

Dedworth

22nd February 2011, 18:41

Good to see you back Hope and I wish you all the best in the endeavour. Make sure this Aprils flight isn't a touch 'n go :D

HopeUK

22nd February 2011, 22:05

Hey Dedworth! Good to be back! hahaha

Yeah, worry not.. It should be a lot better this time around (actually you know, it was worth it to see the face of the guy at poassport control when I was leaving!! hehehe):Erm:

aposhark

23rd February 2011, 08:47

Hi HopeUK :Hellooo:

If I were you, and if things progress in your relationship face-to-face, I would wait until your girlfriend gets the anullment.
Then if marriage is still in your mind in the future, plan to do it in the Philippines as it is close to her family and it is much cheaper than in the UK and a lot more fun too :Jump:
Then you will both have to gather the required documents and apply to the British Embassy for her spousal visa.

When she arrives in the UK she will then be able to work, something she will not be able to do if she arrives with a fiancee visa.
Keep us posted and, as you know, there is so much information here to help you along your journey :)

Terpe

23rd February 2011, 10:25

keithAngel

23rd February 2011, 11:49

Interesting reading Terpe et al

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php/22070-A-Surreal-Future-Awaits-a-bit-of-stress

:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Sim11UK

23rd February 2011, 14:08

Hello there HopeUK, I guess welcome back is most appropriate. I am still a relative newbie round here so don't know your previous story.

Anyway, looks like an exciting new one is ahead so I would wish you all the best luck.
Take care

The ink was still wet on his entry stamp on his passport when he left. :D

Thanks HopeUK we're fine thanks...glad you're having another go, although things didn't work out for you last time, I thought you missed out on a lot more besides.
Just take things slowly & let things develop this time. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

HopeUK

24th February 2011, 12:12

Aposhark – Her family are practically in Illinois, USA. Her mom and dad moved over there a couple of years ago through help from her mom’s brother – all she has in the Phils is her own two brothers, each with their own family lives and usually quite busy (her mom and dad are always getting pissed at her elder brother when he says he’s coming round to help to renovate her place, and then keeps being too busy to follow up on his promises.. :icon_lol:). Before we met, her plan was to be moving over there with them, but since we’ve met her focus has changed. I agree that the annulment needs dealing with first though – that was my first thought on the matter.
That’s the second time I’ve seen mention of a Spouse Visa as opposed to a Fiancee Visa. Can you (or anyone else) give me a brief overview of the differences between? I thought they were one and the same for a while, but I can’t seem to find anything on the Border Agency website which distinguishes the two (but then I suppose I wouldn’t really get much help from them would I!?). It’s interesting that she would be eligible for working status with a Spouse Visa though.. hmm.

Terpe – nice to meet you my friend! Thanks for the welcome back (KeithAngel – I’m amazed my entry is still in there!! Hahaha). If the moderator doesn’t smack my legs for this, may I re-direct everyone’s attentions momentarily to my blog site (http://gavin-lifeintheshell.blogspot.com/2010/04/how-far-will-you-go-part-2.html), where EVERYONE is welcome to the full story. I don’t recall ever posting the full unabridged transcript here, but if it’s okay with the moderator I’d like to link to it for the entertaining little piece that it is! I suppose I could re-post it somewhere appropriate here if anyone thinks it’s worthwhile.

Sim11UK – I think you’re right mate.. on the whole I reckon I did miss out on a lot, but I’ve also considered that I might have missed out on meeting with my girlfriend if I had. Then again, I’ve also considered that whilst we’ve been languishing apart these last six months, we were only 21 miles apart when I WAS there.. grrrr. I would hope that there is plenty of time yet though.. all smiles, hopes and wishes here!! :doh

Thanks again to everyone for your humour, support and any advice you can provide.

Peace

Arthur Little

24th February 2011, 13:18

HopeUK

24th February 2011, 14:48

Hi Arthur - Thanks for the sentiment! :Hellooo:

Glad to be back.. and sooo soo happy to be back in the saddle again! :icon_lol:

I hope everything finds you well and your life is less complicated than mine may be! :Erm:

Arthur Little

24th February 2011, 15:10

Perseverance undoubtedly pays dividends ... especially in matters of the :love:. And I hope and :pray: that everything works out for you both. I've always reckoned that the spousal visa offers a better deal (financially at least) than the fiance(e) alternative. But, of course, there are still the hurdles of an annulment and the question of child custody to overcome - and these two unavoidable considerations in turn, provide each of you with the opportunity to utilise the time involved in getting to know one another properly without rushing headlong into things. Goodluck. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

HopeUK

24th February 2011, 23:25

Thanks again Arthur. I think you're absolutely right about perseverance. I never do know when to give up when I get a bee in my bonnet! :icon_lol:

Can you shed any more light on the Spouse vs Fiancee visa? Aside from her qualifying for permission to work, is it really just that it's moderately cheaper in the long run or is there yet more to this? I expect the annulment and custody issues are going to take longer and be vastly more expensive than either of us expect, but I also agree with your point about using the time wisely to become closer as we go.. Never time wasted as far as I'm concerned. I guess we'll take the expenses in our stride, assuming all goes as we feel it will.

I have to say I can't stress enough how different it is this time around, but we established openness, trust and honesty from the word "go".. I know I thought that was all in place last time, but this time we have clocked up so much more mileage in conversation and just spending time together - it really does make a mockery of what I believed was a good relationship last time - I've filed that under "live and learn". You know, she has sympathy with my last escapade and really wants to pull that girl's hair!! :icon_lol: Seriously though, without the above factors in place I don't think even a normal relationship will work, never mind one which is meant to thrive and mature from a distance. I do think that if you get it right though, it makes it stronger!

somebody

24th February 2011, 23:57

Hi Hope welcome back to the Site :)

For your situation SPouse and Fiancee Visa may not have all the usal pluses and minuses. Normally many of us on here would say normally if possible get married there. Its the ladies big day and she can have her family all around her as its unlikely they can pop over to the UK.

But if her family are in the US and US citizens then it is probably easier for them to witness her being married in the UK if that's what you all want.

If you both feel that as soon as it is possible you want her to be able to work then Spouse Visa is the one as technically the minute your in the UK she can work.. While with a Fiancee visa she needs to wait until your married and the paperwork is processed.

With the annulment which can take time I would devote more time to dealing with that at first some couples who have experienced this situation have found it can take some time to deal with and a lot of resources.

Good luck to the two of you

aposhark

25th February 2011, 20:20

Another thing :)

If the anullment costs a lot of money, weigh up the marriage cost in the Phils versus the UK.
It all depends how many people will fly from the USA to UK or Phils.

The cost of UK weddings are outrageous IMO :NoNo::yikes:

gWaPito

26th February 2011, 14:59

Hi Hope uk. I would like to draw to your attention to another member on here. His name is Stewart 'Imagine' he too has a story although opposite to yours. You have one element in common, wanting to get married on the strength of chat alone. Those same members giving you advice also gave advice to Stewart. It differs greatly. According to Apo, 'you are intelligent and clear thinking' Thats new to me, I didnt realise that was a pre cursor to a long and happy relationship, you learn something every day on here. Guess us 'Catholics should preach less and focus more on our ABC's' Another diamond of a quote from Apo, Cheers! Please read his (Imagine') thread. You can miss it, Its 5 pages long. You be the judge and come to your own conclusion. My advice to you is the same advice I gave to Stewart. Good luck hope uk

somebody

27th February 2011, 00:24

Gwapito points out a often seen occurence in LDR relationships, where couples are so desperate to run before they can walk. I know i been there as many of us have :) Im sure your aware although good to research and figure out do take time to meet and "check out" one another in as much detail as you can.

Both of you should never let your guard drop but hopefully things will work out fine.

gWaPito

27th February 2011, 00:49

keithAngel

27th February 2011, 05:39

My sentiments run to walking befor you run to Hope regardless of what you think and feel you have a long haul in front of you the first of which is to meet the lady and confirm your hopes or not given your first experience (and ours lol) I wouls hope that was clear to you

All the help and support is available here but at the moment you are still in the realms of "virtual" firm it up first one step at a time She really will need to be "the one" as you have picked the most complicated journey in the book all the best:xxgrinning--00xx3:

gWaPito

27th February 2011, 17:15

Keith Angel Thats a big AMEN! from me :)

Dedworth

16th March 2011, 01:45

How's it going Hope ? Are you still on for the tour of duty in April ? fingers crossed things are still going fine

HopeUK

17th March 2011, 12:14

Hi Dedworth, and to all you guys.. Yep, still on course!! We're down to 20 days before I begin my epic quest #2.. Confidence is still very high between us both.. We're trying to gather some time within the holiday for just the two of us, for some of that quality time everyone is so rightly thinking is needed. We think it's needed too! :)

It's become a bit more expensive still this time around (all new anti-malaria pills - can anyone say "legalised drug cartel"??) but all is pretty much done. Just watching the calendar now.. Wish me more luck (just a precautionary approach you understand).

Ta ra for now!!! :)

aposhark

17th March 2011, 12:43

Keith Angel Thats a big AMEN! from me :)

4967

aposhark

17th March 2011, 12:45

......Ta ra for now!!! :)

Have a good one HopeUK :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Take her some UK chocolate............. :)

aposhark

17th March 2011, 12:49

Thank you Somebody:xxgrinning--00xx3: have you ever worked in the diplomatic service, if not not, you should :D unlike me. I too, am guilty as the next doing that self same thing. My point was, double standards from one member to another. Just my forthright opinion again:NoNo:

Don't feel too guilty about double standards, well perhaps being a Catholic gives you a wonderful understanding of guilt :laugher:

Apart from brushing up on your spelling, you may want to break your long paragraphs up with spaces at sentence endings.
It helps others try to understand your rambling ideas :doh

Didn't your Catholic school teachers help you with grammar and punctuation? :laugher:

Don't let everyone think all artic drivers lack clarity ;)

Dedworth

17th March 2011, 20:27

Don't feel too guilty about double standards, well perhaps being a Catholic gives you a wonderful understanding of guilt :laugher:

Apart from brushing up on your spelling, you may want to break your long paragraphs up with spaces at sentence endings.
It helps others try to understand your rambling ideas :doh

Didn't your Catholic school teachers help you with grammar and punctuation? :laugher:

Don't let everyone think all artic drivers lack clarity ;)

What a nasty and uncalled for post :angry:

keithAngel

18th March 2011, 08:48

What a nasty and uncalled for post :angry:

Dont worry Deadwood your position as number one in that catorgory is unassailable:D

aposhark

18th March 2011, 21:05

Uh Huh Keith :)

Pot, Kettle, Black in his case LOL

Of course I never see what he posts as he is the only one in my ignore list until one of his bitter outbursts are "copied".

I am amazed that a thoroughly objectionable poster of 99% contentious issues (many Islamaphobic) comments on anything he perceives from me as being "nasty". :laugher:

Perhaps the ignore button is working on him as time goes on.
I do feel he has mellowed a touch after threats of banning though as he is posting on threads that are not objectionable, although I don't waste time reading them yet.

He still has a long way to go to redeem himself imho, he is by and large absent in Fil-Brit threads that really concern people.

I don't hold my breath........but would be very happy to hit the unignore button if he changed.

Dedworth

18th March 2011, 21:11

I don't hold my breath........but would be very happy to hit the unignore button if he changed.

I wouldn't like you to suffocate so carry on not holding your breath :D

bornatbirth

19th March 2011, 00:53

aposhark

19th March 2011, 09:58

A little bit uncalled for as gwapito is on his mobile phone thus it makes it hard to make long posts and make sure his spelling is 100% correct.

:doh

HopeUK

2nd April 2011, 18:26

Terpe

2nd April 2011, 18:44

Best wishes, bon voyage and good luck :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Come back here to let us know the outcome of the trip and the next step:)

Dedworth

2nd April 2011, 22:30

Good Luck H - I hope it all goes well and you have a great time :D

alanmf1

2nd April 2011, 22:34

:xxgrinning--00xx3: have a great trip:Wave:

somebody

2nd April 2011, 23:34

Hi guys,

Just in case I don't get a chance to come back here before I go, a big thanks to everyone who has helped me or wished me well on my adventure(s) :icon_lol:

It's nearly D-day.. four more days to go and then I'm off on my hols! I hope it will make for an infinitely more normal blog than last time!

All the best peeps! :D

Have a great flight the missus and I are flying on wednesday i think it is:Erm:

Enjoy yourself take it all in and keep your wits around you and dont forget to take lots of photos of you both the holiday will soon be over:bigcry:

Bob Voyage Sir:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Sim11UK

4th April 2011, 21:24

Have a good trip Hope, I 'm sure you'll be there longer this time. Good luck!

Don't forget your Harmony hairspray. :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9p_5VZn667M

aposhark

5th April 2011, 20:04

Hi guys,

Just in case I don't get a chance to come back here before I go, a big thanks to everyone who has helped me or wished me well on my adventure(s) :icon_lol:

It's nearly D-day.. four more days to go and then I'm off on my hols! I hope it will make for an infinitely more normal blog than last time!

All the best peeps! :D

Stick it out this time HopeUK :icon_lol:
We all hope you will spend some time in the Phils and see it in a much more favourable light :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Best of luck with your new Filipina lady.

aposhark

5th April 2011, 20:07

Have a good trip Hope, I 'm sure you'll be there longer this time. Good luck!

Don't forget your Harmony hairspray. :D

Your only jealous :icon_lol: