Just wanted some Advice!

[simpleHeart]

Hello everyone in this forum, I am happy that I found out this site which I know would help me a lot. Especially with my lovelife problem, It's started going smooth first, as though I never thought something would go wrong. I had a boyfriend or rather a an ex-bf which based on London, we've been for a 2years of friendship and and 6 months in relationships, I am very happy cause I really thought that he is really the one that God give to me. To find out it was all false and that dreams of being together is just an elusive. he meant so much for me. He become the center of my life. I do give my life to him. Which in a sudden after a month of coming here in Phil last December everything turns out right, but last feb 19 2011, He just suddenly change, He sent me messages of breaking up, I was too desperate, upset and rather felt so abandoned.I don't know what to do. I love him so much. But as the days goes by I realize that I never have to give my 100% of love to him knowing I will be the one who suffered. But in just a day or two he change his mind saying that He wanted to continue our relationship, not asking for forgiveness or even consulting me that if it ok or do I been hurt, it seems nothing to him, I felt he is selfish, he just always protecting his heart not knowing how much he hurt me.
I wanted to ask some inspirational advice for all of you there!!

Thank you so much...

and besides knowing he is 33 but in some matter he is very poor in managing the relationship.:doh

[keithAngel]

Maayong harpon dai

Sounds like you have had a shock, the thing about relationships is there are no garantees sounds like after his visit somthing changed in him and he wasnt able to communicate appropriatly what was going on

If your still interested talk to him about your feelings and ask about his if its doesnt feel right put it down to experience and growth and move on:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[nigel]

Ask him why he broke up with you, if he doesn't explain himself in a caring manner, if he shows no concern for your needs and feelings - DUMP HIM!

***One thing I'd like you to know is that when a Brit guy tells his friends that he's dating a Filipina, his friends will say "Oh those girls rip you off, she's going to be more trouble than she's worth etc.." there may be people in his life that are trying to talk him out of it...it's quite typical! It happened to me to some degree, but I'm old enough and ugly enough to know that people are rather manipulative and talk a load of shhhh:yikes:

(shenanigans?:icon_lol:)

What does shenanigans mean anyway? ? ? Anyone know? hehe

[imagine]

shenanigans means,,,,,,,,, goings on,,, mischief,,,,,,up to no good,,,, nonsence ,,,,,,, fooling around ,,,,,and so on

[purple]

oh sorry to hear about the misgivings in your life.

better ask him for reasons. I know it is devastating. But ask him properly. Was there a chemistry between you two?

[stevewool]

you need to ask him why, or it could happen again,there are plenty more fish in the sea they say , good luck

[raynaputi]

like what the others say, you need to ask him what were his reasons why he broke up with you and now wants a relationship again..you need to clear things up with him so you wont get hurt again..it's not a healthy relationship if you have no idea on what has happened or would happen to both of you..good luck and welcome to the forum :Hellooo:

[Lancashirelad]

Hi, welcome to the forum :)

I really feel for you, this guys behavior does seem selfish, but like you say maybe he is just not good at handling relationships.
I think you need to let him know how you feel, if your to commit with him he should make you feel secure in your relationship, so i think he owes you some answers otherwise you wont know if its to happen again. maybe he should read your post here!

hope everything works out for you! ingat

[Terpe]

It's a very hurtful experience he put you through and one that would surely damage the trust between you.
I can only strongly support what others have said, that you must talk with him and explain the feeling, the hurts and damage to trust and ask him for very clear and detailed reasons that caused him to behave in such a way.
It's going to be difficult for you as your feelings for him are still so strong, and the hurt is still there.

[worthingmale]

you need to find out the reason why, and let him know he hurt you deeply

[simpleHeart]

maayong adlaw kanimo keithAngel,

Thank you for the advice, unfortunately in this time, it's seems he is still having difficulty in managing his time, I really don't know or it seems he don't want me to elaborate more on this things, It just gone by the wind. Putting promises into vain. I felt there is still a strong feeling he has for me.But the hard thing is that is don't know how to make it right. and he wont accept any advices or reason.

[raynaputi]

maayong adlaw kanimo keithAngel,

Thank you for the advice, unfortunately in this time, it's seems he is still having difficulty in managing his time, I really don't know or it seems he don't want me to elaborate more on this things, It just gone by the wind. Putting promises into vain. I felt there is still a strong feeling he has for me.But the hard thing is that is don't know how to make it right. and he wont accept any advices or reason.

:Erm: Just my opinion..if he has strong feelings for you, he won't be doing such things..he won't be breaking up with you just like that, without any explanations...

[imagine]

hi simpleheart,sorry to hear your story, its sad that things happen like this,you look after your own heart firstly,
i dont understand your man,how he can be like this so suddenly,
if he wont open up and talk with you about problems now, how would it be like later bad i think,
i think everybody on this forum will feel for you,take care and be strong

[simpleHeart]

That was quite right Nigel, it happen when he formally announce our relationship to his colleague, everyone's opinion was quite negative, and to tell you the truth he is really shaken, asking a lot of me, make sure I'm not after his money, etc...Which I told him, If I do, I won't pick him up, where practically I have my own profession in IT field, and honestly I could have a man with the same degree as I am. Or quite more than that..there are lot of them,..But it says you can't dictate your heart. Yes his work was quite good too, maybe not in my level,..But Im proud of it...Because the truth is I accept him for who he is.

[simpleHeart]

oh sorry to hear about the misgivings in your life.

better ask him for reasons. I know it is devastating. But ask him properly. Was there a chemistry between you two?

I can't determine if we had that chemistry purple, Cause all I know is that I love him,.that the only reason I have, that I trust him more than any one.

[imagine]

simpleheart, why not get him to come on this site,if these things worry him, maybe it will help him to voice his concerns on here,
and recieve good honest advise from the forum

[simpleHeart]

you need to ask him why, or it could happen again,there are plenty more fish in the sea they say , good luck

Yes, I did ask him, but all he says was to forget it and be renew again like it never happen, that everything will gonna be alright, that the reason for him is all his isolated life and etc...I dont really understand him sometimes.

[simpleHeart]

:Erm: Just my opinion..if he has strong feelings for you, he won't be doing such things..he won't be breaking up with you just like that, without any explanations...

Hi Rayna thank you for your concern, yes I know he must not doing that thing..All I know is that his so immature. He don't know how to work out relationship. In a simple disappointment he would turn back.

[simpleHeart]

simpleheart, why not get him to come on this site,if these things worry him, maybe it will help him to voice his concerns on here,
and recieve good honest advise from the forum

Perfectly right imagine, but sad to say his quite to busy working and working all the way into the heart of London, are you familiar with metroline bus???maybe some of here got a ride. He is one of the driver of that bus. working 12 hours a day and a 6 days a week as far as I know. His working in this job for almost 5 years.

[simpleHeart]

Hi, welcome to the forum :)

I really feel for you, this guys behavior does seem selfish, but like you say maybe he is just not good at handling relationships.
I think you need to let him know how you feel, if your to commit with him he should make you feel secure in your relationship, so i think he owes you some answers otherwise you wont know if its to happen again. maybe he should read your post here!

hope everything works out for you! ingat

Thank you for the sincerely concern, I was never wronged to come in this site, with such people who can give those beautiful and honest advices.

All I have to do know maybe is to give him time, after that, I will properly confront him no matter what would be the outcomes, and I would prepare my heart as well to accept what would happen.

Thank you to all of you. I will be keeping in touch.

[simpleHeart]

It's a very hurtful experience he put you through and one that would surely damage the trust between you.
I can only strongly support what others have said, that you must talk with him and explain the feeling, the hurts and damage to trust and ask him for very clear and detailed reasons that caused him to behave in such a way.
It's going to be difficult for you as your feelings for him are still so strong, and the hurt is still there.

Yes Terpe, that was definitely true,now I was not too sure about our relationship as well as to give him my full trust as what I did before, It was too hurt to know he can easily destroy it in just a plain message.

Surely I will ask him, to sit down for a while and manage to talk in a peacefully way. Im not sure when it would be happen since he had that very hectic schedule, and we had difficulties in managing time, his working while Im sleeping and Im working while his resting. In some factors time affected as much.

[fred]

Doesn't sound right to me.
Managing his time? :Erm:
Cant he manage a couple of hours to put your mind at rest simpleheart?
Cant he invest just 2 hours? Are you not worth that much?
Tell him to take half a day..No,actually a whole day off to explain to you why he did what he did and then Maybe...Just maybe,you will consider it!! Make him beg!!
If he refuses or makes excuses then there.... YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER!..:xxgrinning--00xx3:
Then go and find someone that can give you all the time in the world..

Damn...Ive been watching too much Oprah!!

[simpleHeart]

Doesn't sound right to me.
Managing his time? :Erm:
Cant he manage a couple of hours to put your mind at rest simpleheart?
Cant he invest just 2 hours? Are you not worth that much?
Tell him to take half a day..No,actually a whole day off to explain to you why he did what he did and then Maybe...Just maybe,you will consider it!! Make him beg!!
If he refuses or makes excuses then there.... YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER!..:xxgrinning--00xx3:
Then go and find someone that can give you all the time in the world..

Damn...Ive been watching too much Oprah!!

Hahahahahahah,.seems your much more than Oprah now!!!
I have been asking that. But too much for it. maybe I just been so dumb enough not to see Im not as important more than anything in his life. I maybe stupid not to think it so,.but what can I do???Im too afraid to lose him..maybe that's all the reason..

[alanp]

Perfectly right imagine, but sad to say his quite to busy working and working all the way into the heart of London, are you familiar with metroline bus???maybe some of here got a ride. He is one of the driver of that bus. working 12 hours a day and a 6 days a week as far as I know. His working in this job for almost 5 years.

hello simpleheart yes everyone is busy having to work but you find time i get up early 4am every day so i am able to chat with my Jennie on her lunch time and she will stay up late so we can chat when i get home.
As for him working 12 hour days that is not allowed if he is driving a bus or a coach as there are rules on his driving hours that do not allow that.
if he really cares he will find time yes its hard when you are so far apart and if he does not it is his loss. you will find someone that deserves you good luck and stay strong

[simpleHeart]

Hello Alanp,

I've thinking about it, for me, I could give as much time as possible, even if I don't have anytime for myself, it was in his side, which until now it is quite blurry, I don't know where our relationship heading to. I wish that feeling will just wash away. But it can't be. the love will be always stay. What should I do?I still can't let go of the feeling right away. My family certainly love him as much as what he shows when he is here, my family asking a lot of him to me, if our relationship still going on, I can't find the answer. :icon_sorry:

[worthingmale]

go with your inner feeling, if it doesnt feel right it probably isnt.

There are plenty of nice guys looking for filipino ladies.

But communication is the key, so you do need to discuss it with him.

[simpleHeart]

There are plenty of nice guys looking for filipino ladies.


:omg:how could I know if Im the one who are there looking for:laugher:

Just a bit joke worthingmale....Im not in such kind of having a western man to be a bf..It just happen he find me,.Not in dating site, it just happen.
But somehow, Im still hoping for the best things to come, maybe not from him but from other as well.

Thank you!

[Terpe]

simpleHeart,
Reading through the posts and the way he is behaving towards you. I can only conclude that he is not being honest with you about something.
He can easily find find time to communicate with someone he loves.
How did he ever manage to win your heart?

In any relationship there are things that need to be taken care of and nurtured.

If you put a lot into the relationship, but your partner seems to put nothing or very little into it, that’s a sign that your partner isn’t committed to either you or the relationship.

If you're not being respected, then the relationship has to change. Mutual respect is the foundation of any relationship. Without that, the relationship is doomed, because something as basic as that is unlikely to change.

If you’re being lied to or cheated on, then you aren’t being respected. You can try to repair the relationship by talking things over with a liar or cheat, but don’t fool youself. That relationship is over.

If being in the relationship is putting stress on you or it seems like it’s unhealthy, then please try to visualise the future. Ask yourself where the relationship is going. Does your partner wear you out?

If your partner gets emotional over the simplest things or constantly critises your every move, that’s not healthy. That is called a high maintenance relationship. Some people can thrive in these situations. For most of us, we’ve got to get out of the relationship and find a healthier one.

If everything you do is a mistake or a negative on the relationship, this is no good for you. Your partner needs to let you feel appreciated. The overcritical partner not only brings the romance down, but they begin to undermine your self-esteem.

If they think you are insecure, then in their mind they believe you are more likely to stay in the relationship come what may.
Don’t fall into this trap. If your partner doesn’t appreciate you, you can find someone who will.

If you really do strive so hard to stay in a formerly romantic relationship that includes the above "IF'S" then you're likely in denial.
Most of us have been there in some shape or form. BEFORE

[keithAngel]

A lot of men cant easily talk about their feelings I wouldnt try to push him into too much of a corner theres been much speculation here if hes a bus driver for example he might not be 12 hours driving but could be 12 hours or more away

Perhaps he had a momentary doughbt brought about by who knows what perhaps hes ashamed of it and is unsure how to talk about this the core question for you is do you still want/trust him

If he is back to his usual self you will recognise this I think after so long together if not then as I said use your own self worth to decide what to do

Good Luck :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[simpleHeart]

I will consider that good advice keithAngel, hopefully it was what your thinking. I wish to...I will settling it as soon..:)

I will keep updating....

Thank you for the encouragement..

[simpleHeart]

That was quite a very awakening advice Terpe. I would give it a shot...Definitely that is all true.all I have to do is to sit down for a while and talk to him, whenever things go out not right, I will make the courage of letting go..Which the right thing to do.

You don't know guys how much you really enlighten up my mind, as well as my heart. Reading all your messages makes my heart grow strong..

To all of you who gave there full support and effort in advising, everything is appreciated from the core of my heart....

Thank you!!!

[aposhark]

Hello simpleHeart,

Be careful with this bloke, he doesn't sound 100% committed and he could easily act like this again.

Get a full explanation to your liking.

He appears confused and he needs to un-confuse himself!

[fred]

He appears confused and he needs to un-confuse himself!

Before its too late for him!!
Ever seen a grown man cry?
Im not having a go at this guy as he has his own reasons..
Just want simpleheart to know what they are because if not it could very well effect the rest of her life..

Jerremy Kyle.. Eat your heart out..

[malditako]

Ask him why he broke up with you, if he doesn't explain himself in a caring manner, if he shows no concern for your needs and feelings - DUMP HIM!

***One thing I'd like you to know is that when a Brit guy tells his friends that he's dating a Filipina, his friends will say "Oh those girls rip you off, she's going to be more trouble than she's worth etc.." there may be people in his life that are trying to talk him out of it...it's quite typical! It happened to me to some degree, but I'm old enough and ugly enough to know that people are rather manipulative and talk a load of shhhh:yikes:

(shenanigans?:icon_lol:)

What does shenanigans mean anyway? ? ? Anyone know? hehe

i agree with nigel...this things happen

your BF maybe love u but not strong enough to stand for you...you wouldn't want a man like that would you

[Terpe]

.............Jerremy Kyle.. Eat your heart out..

I'm gonna have to check this bloke out. I keep seeing his name crop up.

[worthingmale]

jeremey kyle

I promise you will turn it over of turn the tv off in about twenty seconds.

He is annoying and his guests are unbelievable, the English version of Jerry Springer

[joebloggs]

He is annoying and his guests are unbelievable, the English version of Jerry Springer

no he's worse than jerry, jerry :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYIh5fuMnQ4&feature=related

:xxgrinning--00xx3: i'm surprised no one has beaten the :censored: out of him, the way he talks to everyone :angry:

[Ako Si Jamie]

Jerry Springer's a cool guy whereas Jeremy Kyle is an odious little runt!

[simpleHeart]

Hello to all who have show there support!!!
And to finish it all, as last night we made the decision, Oh and more of it "Mr. Stewart aka imagine"Oh man you know how you let my heart sympathized on your conditions. I really wish you could find the answer that bother you as much.

I've found out the real answer why he did break me up last time, he wanted me to choose between him and my family, he wanted me to stop thinking of my family anymore and all I have to do is to concentrate on our relationship, this is because I am quite supporting my younger sister which in God's will would be going to get a board exam for mechanical engineer this march,."Oh I pray I lot for her hope she can get it to the top"He told me about stop sending my salary to my family instead to save it for our future, If i can't do that then I will be losing him. Since my mother and my father were old enough we do the support their children.In other words we are being conflict on our cultural views, which is the value of being family oriented, it is not in his vocabulary,...He also talk about the future we may be..That if we got married and something went wrong in this relationship and split up, where should the custody of the children goes or anything like that...

That was totally crap me up. yes maybe his been too realistic in real world, but in God's sake..how could he think that when we are not yet started building our lives. It seems that it is his real view of getting into relationship...

I know that all maybe Filipino woman would felt insulted..It seems he view a family in general as to be broken in any times....

I was full of it...I wanted a man that I can I assure will stay forever in my side...And to think of it his totally opposite..:doh Why such I found out later...Why did he never told me this things before.???I maybe never choose or fall for him....

It's getting to my nerves already.....:bigcry:
So I pissed him off!!!!!!!:cwm23:

Sorry to say it!!!but I feel his not the one I wanted to be with in my life...Totally negative thinking towards in making a family..

Have your partner do think the same way he did????I wonder????:ReadIt:

[raynaputi]

It's getting to my nerves already.....:bigcry:
So I pissed him off!!!!!!!:cwm23:

Sorry to say it!!!but I feel his not the one I wanted to be with in my life...Totally negative thinking towards in making a family..



Good for you for finding out the truth and for dumping him :xxgrinning--00xx3: Now move on and Mr. Right will eventually come :heartshape1:

[keithAngel]

Sorry to hear that but know you are both newly aware of the issues in cross cultural relationships.

Since neither apparently knew this befor its a no blame situation and I guess on the top of your list in any future relationships its hard when you both come from diferent positions but take so long to realise.

Best of luck in the future:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[simpleHeart]

Sorry to hear that but know you are both newly aware of the issues in cross cultural relationships.

Best of luck in the future:xxgrinning--00xx3:
That's right keithAngel...Life get things harder....And so much for the cultural issues...Hard to handle in such things as much...:Help1:

[alanp]

Sorry to hear that Roxanne
time is a healer it is his loss you will find someone that loves, cares and respects you and deserves your love
keep your spirits up :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[simpleHeart]

Sorry to hear that Roxanne
time is a healer it is his loss you will find someone that loves, cares and respects you and deserves your love
keep your spirits up :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Thank you alanp, well I guess I must slow down this time...Have to be more careful and to be wise in accepting any love offers...

Cause even it sounds so corny,..Love really hurts :rolleyes:

[Terpe]

Well I glad to know that you are smart enough and strong enough to hold out for a meaningful ilfe. That's the positive.
It's a good lesson learned and I believe you have grown from the experience.
Next time you will at least know some important 'get-to-know-each-other' issues.

I have a friend who got married and she really wanted a baby. The husband was a bit older and had grown up children already, did not want any more!! The marriage is not
comfortable...... I asked the wife if they had ever discussed this, she said yes they had but not seriously. He had told her no children, but she imagined it was not the end result.:doh

Anyway Good luck for the future. Take your time

[simpleHeart]

Thanks Terpe,

Well I will have to...Anyway still have the time to enjoy much...

I just need to wait for the perfect time...

[estherboaz]

but sad to say his quite to busy working and working all the way into the heart of London, are you familiar with metroline bus???maybe some of here got a ride. He is one of the driver of that bus. working 12 hours a day and a 6 days a week as far as I know. His working in this job for almost 5 years.

what bus number?When i ride on that bus im gonna give him a slap for you.Just joking.There is a saying honesty is the best policy.If he cant be honest on you, its hard to trust coz he might do it again.

[sars_notd_virus]

I've found out the real answer why he did break me up last time, he wanted me to choose between him and my family, he wanted me to stop thinking of my family anymore and all I have to do is to concentrate on our relationship, this is because I am quite supporting my younger sister which in God's will would be going to get a board exam for mechanical engineer this march,."Oh I pray I lot for her hope she can get it to the top"He told me about stop sending my salary to my family instead to save it for our future, If i can't do that then I will be losing him. Since my mother and my father were old enough we do the support their children.In other words we are being conflict on our cultural views, which is the value of being family oriented, it is not in his vocabulary,...He also talk about the future we may be..That if we got married and something went wrong in this relationship and split up, where should the custody of the children goes or anything like that...



It's getting to my nerves already.....:bigcry:
So I pissed him off!!!!!!!:cwm23:


Have your partner do think the same way he did????I wonder????:ReadIt:

Watta selfish lazy bas****!!
Sorry but I am glad you pissed him off!!!:D:xxgrinning--00xx3:
We filipinas love our families so its good to choose a partner who love and treasure their family too ...Its not about cultural differences as I've seen and meet a lot of foreigners/british who value their family a lot they might be independent and separated from their family at an early stage but the bond , love and care for their family is still there....
I remember my grandma told me that ''you will know a potential partner in life if u see on how he loves and takes care of his mother'' becoz he will do exactly the same to you once you are together and married.
We cannot choose our family,but we can choose our friends,partners in life...am glad you made the right choice simpleheart!!!

Goodluck on your future and your sisters board exam!!

[Rosie1958]

......We filipinas love our families so its good to choose a partner who love and treasure their family too ...Its not about cultural differences as I've seen and meet a lot of foreigners/british who value their family a lot they might be independent and separated from their family at an early stage but the bond , love and care for their family is still there....

Simpleheart, I am British and totally agree with Sars ....... there are many Brits who do strongly value their families and this guy was very selfish and unreasonable expecting you to choose him over your family. I'm so glad that you had the sense to dump him as it appears that there would have been a great deal of continued unhappiness in your relationship. Well done you, a lucky escape! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[simpleHeart]

Thank you Sars and Rosie...Maybe someday someone would find me, and that was for real. Not a selfish man anymore...

Too allergy of the kind of thing:doh

[keithAngel]

Perhaps he needs to look on Pinoy Orphans .com:icon_lol:

[simpleHeart]

Perhaps he needs to look on Pinoy Orphans .com:icon_lol:

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

'what you see is what you get' better to find out what he is like now, rather than the day after your wedding night. People dont change no more than I can change the colour of my eyes. You had a lucky escape, move on to greener pastures ;)

[simpleHeart]

'what you see is what you get' better to find out what he is like now, rather than the day after your wedding night. People dont change no more than I can change the colour of my eyes. You had a lucky escape, move on to greener pastures ;)

:xxgrinning--00xx3:Walking forward to view more on real life,it serves as a lesson to be brought in moving on...

Im too young to die, just because of one failure relationship:Erm:

[gWaPito]

Advance this Advance that. You would of they invented the word! and neglected to learn the word, budget! Plus all that emotional blackmail, for good measure Pinyorphan.com You know it makes sense :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[simpleHeart]

Advance this Advance that. You would of they invented the word! and neglected to learn the word, budget! Plus all that emotional blackmail, for good measure Pinyorphan.com You know it makes sense :xxgrinning--00xx3:

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:
:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:Right gwapito!!!!!

[gWaPito]

Just having a joke with Keith Angel. If you are going to marry a Brit one day, you got to get used to the sense of humour :D As Rod Stewart once sang, 'I was only joking my dear'. Welcome to the forum :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[simpleHeart]

:omg: Atleast I learn the word "shenanigan":icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

Learning in process:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

Dear simpleheart, it sounds as if your now ex boyfriend has had a tough life, his parents may be divorced and never known a happy family . As for him wanting you to give up your family, you may have got your wires crossed. He may mean just stop sending all your wages to your family. Its a bane for many a fil/uk relationship. The uk/uk relationship normally pool there wages together. Remember he is a bus driver, not on great wages no matter how many hours he does. He is being realisic, thats all. He has worked out he cant afford to support you as well as himself on what he earns. Again, better to find all this out now before you get married, it would be too late then. He has behaved in the most un-gentlemanly way towards you and for that, there is no excuse. like Terpe and others have said, learn from this and move on. Its not wasted, its one of life's learning curves, anyway thats what I used to tell myself when went pear shaped for me.:D:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[imagine]

then again, some men still in this day and age like control, of the money and the decisions, but this doesnt always show untill after getting married,check em out, scrutinise their intentions and shenanigans :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[keithAngel]

Ah the Phils where Men are still expected to be Men:icon_lol:

[aposhark]

'what you see is what you get' better to find out what he is like now, rather than the day after your wedding night. People dont change no more than I can change the colour of my eyes. You had a lucky escape, move on to greener pastures ;)

People change all the time if there is sufficient reason to do so :NoNo:

[gWaPito]

Going by my own experiences in life and relationships, once an asshole always an asshole. :xxgrinning--00xx3: and no amount of :NoNo: will change my mind. Good evening. As for changing giving to right conditions, i would say, they can hid there true colours for a limited time, eventually the true self will shine through. Are you trying to tell us something Apo? Im all ears.

[aposhark]

Going by my own experiences in life and relationships, once an asshole always an asshole. :xxgrinning--00xx3: and no amount of :NoNo: will change my mind. Good evening. As for changing giving to right conditions, i would say, they can hid there true colours for a limited time, eventually the true self will shine through. Are you trying to tell us something Apo? Im all ears.

If people were inflexible and unwilling to sort out their problems by compromise, many relationships would founder where they would flourish if change were to take place. :doh
I am not trying to tell you anything Gwap, the inflexibility of "once an asshole always an asshole" shows that you do not think people are capable of worthwhile change.

[imagine]

a person can change but he or she , or both has got to want to

[gWaPito]

Apo Im talking about people with bad traits for example excessive drinking gambling chasing the opposite sex or even the same sex, God forbid! Even control freaks, these people dont change, in my experience. You can only flog a dead horse for so long. I know The blame cant be put squarely at the door of the offender the partner must bear some responsibilty for picking a duffer.

[Lancashirelad]

Hello to all who have show there support!!!
And to finish it all, as last night we made the decision, Oh and more of it "Mr. Stewart aka imagine"Oh man you know how you let my heart sympathized on your conditions. I really wish you could find the answer that bother you as much.

I've found out the real answer why he did break me up last time, he wanted me to choose between him and my family, he wanted me to stop thinking of my family anymore and all I have to do is to concentrate on our relationship, this is because I am quite supporting my younger sister which in God's will would be going to get a board exam for mechanical engineer this march,."Oh I pray I lot for her hope she can get it to the top"He told me about stop sending my salary to my family instead to save it for our future, If i can't do that then I will be losing him. Since my mother and my father were old enough we do the support their children.In other words we are being conflict on our cultural views, which is the value of being family oriented, it is not in his vocabulary,...He also talk about the future we may be..That if we got married and something went wrong in this relationship and split up, where should the custody of the children goes or anything like that...

That was totally crap me up. yes maybe his been too realistic in real world, but in God's sake..how could he think that when we are not yet started building our lives. It seems that it is his real view of getting into relationship...

I know that all maybe Filipino woman would felt insulted..It seems he view a family in general as to be broken in any times....

I was full of it...I wanted a man that I can I assure will stay forever in my side...And to think of it his totally opposite..:doh Why such I found out later...Why did he never told me this things before.???I maybe never choose or fall for him....

It's getting to my nerves already.....:bigcry:
So I pissed him off!!!!!!!:cwm23:

Sorry to say it!!!but I feel his not the one I wanted to be with in my life...Totally negative thinking towards in making a family..

Have your partner do think the same way he did????I wonder????:ReadIt:

Im sorry it didnt work out for you, but you should be proud of yourself for making the right decision and not staying with a selfish person.

For him to say you cant help your sister is almost beyond belief for me, and to start planning for a future break up also sounds strange.
When i marry my fiancee we both want an everlasting marriage and i cant see a future without us together.
Hope you recover fast, time heals, im sure in time when you find the right person you will be very glad of the decision you took.

[henry]

Hello to all of you..Well I glad to know that you are smart enough and strong enough to hold out for a meaningful ilfe. That's the positive. It's a good lesson learned and I believe you have grown from the experience....

[jhoana]

how sad for you i knw how u feel ryt now n i can relate but u need to be strong

[sweetnote143]

I can relate to your problem, simpleheart.....I know that there are women who look for foreign men for money but there are a lot of women out there who are simply wishing to find someone to love. It's not wrong for friends to dissuade a friend from dating a Filipina but somehow they also have to open their mind that they're making general assumptions based on a very small percentage of pinay women who are after money......I for one, if I am only after money, why I didnt marry at a young age? Why did I reach this age of 29 and still looking for someone to love? Why do I have the need to work? I work not because for the sole purpose of gaining a financial stability but because I love what I do, I love the mental challenge in the field of research. Why we always feel like there is a need to prove our worth? Men should also ask their selves if they are worthy of our attention.

Maybe is it also true that intelligent women become dumb when it comes to love....I think that is true in my case :icon_lol: All I want in life is to love and be loved, is that too much to ask?

[ann_barnett]

That was quite right Nigel, it happen when he formally announce our relationship to his colleague, everyone's opinion was quite negative, and to tell you the truth he is really shaken, asking a lot of me, make sure I'm not after his money, etc...Which I told him, If I do, I won't pick him up, where practically I have my own profession in IT field, and honestly I could have a man with the same degree as I am. Or quite more than that..there are lot of them,..But it says you can't dictate your heart. Yes his work was quite good too, maybe not in my level,..But Im proud of it...Because the truth is I accept him for who he is.

Hi Simpleheart,

I feel sorry about what happened and it breaks my heart really...Why is he asking you such foolish questions? Did you ask money from him or is he voluntarily sending you money? What is your age gap? You know sometimes when you're far from each other's age (other half is much much older/younger), you can easily be judged by skeptical people... Many people are judgmental and we dont know how your bf brought about the topic to his friends, why are they reacting in that manner to the oint that your bf is affected that caused him breaking up with you...

Well if you think you dont deserve such kind of treatment, better be off... As you know when you enter a married life specially here in the Philippines it's a serious commitment and we're talking about lifetime partnership... And if you cant tolerate or accept maybe some of his behavior/personality, then step back, think, think, think and think then decide...

But in my point of view, if my loved ones treated me that why.... i will let him feel that it's HIS' lost not mine then ask him back "GIVE ME VALID REASONS, WHY SHOULD I GO BACK TO OUR RELATIONSHIP? Then i would analyze his answers with all my heart and if they are not acceptable then i'll have a graceful exit... But. but if his reasons are acceptable.... then i move on to the next, communicate clearly what you like and you dont understand with each other.. then compromise, observe if it's working the second time around... then if yes!, go-go-for gold.. get married and spend the rest of your life with each other...

Always remember, in every relationship love and respect is very important plus acceptance... God speed...