:( here...why some husbands dont want to let their wife work?????? why why why???

[kate_th]

can anyone here tell me why some husbands dont want to let their wife work?????????????????? its so depressing...sighsss....:bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry:

[worthingmale]

it would be up to her if she wanted to work or not, plus it is useful to have another income coming into the house

[axelc]

does your husband dont let you work? well your not alone. My husband dont let me work and its annoying lol.

He told me while we are not struggling he dont wnat me to work specially as carer. He dont want me to go work at night and he will come home from work and im not at home. He said he wants to see me all the time. I understand that but even day jobs even cleaning he dont want me to do it. He said why do i need the money. I explained coz i dont wnat to rely on him on everything that even to pay for bus fare i have to ask or if there will be emergency in philippines i will just cry and pray my family will be alright.

He also dont want me to go college. But when i insisted that i want to work he then said okay you go work its up to you do what you want but i know it is really against his will. Now am at home and am looking after my 7 months old son.
What i did i just started selling clothing online and now am a top rated seller.
Its nice coz i could look after my baby and i earned some money too but its still different than working or in college coz you meet new people and friends which i think is the reason why he dont want me work or go college anyway.

[kate_th]

i really really wanted to work but my hubby wont.....:bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry:

[joebloggs]

:icon_lol: you should get your husband to tell my wife not to work, see what happens :cwm3::Cuckoo:

i dont know what the problem is with some guys? insecure, jealous, worried that the wife will earn more ?? i dont know their reasons :Erm:

i've done nothing but encourage my wife to work, i even wake her up early (4:30am) so shes not late :D

she has a career, i know what it means to her, its been her dream as a child, and i'm not going to stop her whether we need the money or not :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Dedworth]

can anyone here tell me why some husbands dont want to let their wife work?????????????????? its so depressing...sighsss....:bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry:


They've got the word MUG stamped on their forehead :)

[axelc]

:icon_lol: you should get your husband to tell my wife not to work, see what happens :cwm3::Cuckoo:

i dont know what the problem is with some guys? insecure, jealous, worried that the wife will earn more ?? i dont know their reasons :Erm:

i've done nothing but encourage my wife to work, i even wake her up early (4:30am) so shes not late :D

she has a career, i know what it means to her, its been her dream as a child, and i'm not going to stop her whether we need the money or not :xxgrinning--00xx3:

i agree with you. How i wish you know my husband lol. But i cant work now anyway coz i have a 7 month old baby.

Even he wont admit it i still think that he done want me to work coz he is worried i might met someone else which is very annoying.

I feel stuck at home looking at the window and when i still dont have have a baby i always sit at the front door or the pavement outside the house waiting for him to come home lol.

when i said i dont want to be just a house wife cooking, cleaning, i also have my own dreams so he gave me some money to start selling online but now i have a baby so its better. But when baby gets older i still want to work lol

[Bluebirdjones]

If my wife wants to work, then it’s entirely up to her….and any money she earns is hers, and up to her how she disposes of it.

Yes, on occasions I’ve expressed to her my views on the hours that she works, on the days (eg weekends), but the ultimate decision is hers. She also expresses her views about my job, my travelling etc etc

That’s what marriage is … give & take, being together, but also having the freedom to express your own opinion and make your own decisions.

What you’ve got is more akin to slavery. He’s basically limiting your right to decide, and your right to some independence.

[les_taxi]

I would INSIST my girlfriend works:D

[joebloggs]

I would INSIST my girlfriend works:D

but then your a Yorkshireman Les :icon_lol:

:xxparty-smiley-004:

:D


you could work part time, find a registered child minder and depending on what your husband and you earn, the gov/tax payer will pay up to 70% of the child care costs :D

[kate_th]

WHAT A NON APPLICABLE LIFE...:NoNo::NoNo::NoNo::NoNo::NoNo::NoNo::NoNo::NoNo:

[Bluebirdjones]

Then more fool you for accepting it

[sars_notd_virus]

can anyone here tell me why some husbands dont want to let their wife work?????????????????? its so depressing...sighsss....:bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry:

I have no idea,..better ask your husband why why why???

[sars_notd_virus]

phew,just got in from work!!..I'm so proud of my husband, he is always supportive in everything i want to do and both agreed to work together now while we are younger and so we enjoy the fruits of our labor when we turn old age.

[dontpushme]

Erm, have you considered working online or maybe taking up a hobby? If you can knit or crochet, you can sell your items online.

[grahamw48]

I read it this way....maybe right, maybe wrong.

When men behave like this (especially if the husband is a few years older than the wife) it means he is INSECURE.

He is afraid of losing you because either you will meet someone else where you work, or you will become less dependent upon him, or both.

In attempting to control you in this way he is laying the foundations for the break up of your marriage. :NoNo:

You are a young woman with your whole life ahead of you, not someone's closely guarded slave.

You do need to speak seriously to him, and I'd suggest seeing a marriage guidance counsellor if he will not relent from this selfish behaviour.

[les_taxi]

I'm concluding with Graham on this one-I could be wrong too but signs are there.
Surely in this day and age we need all the ££££S we can muster so if someone wants to work good on them:xxgrinning--00xx3:
You can't foresee the future (husband may get sick,redundant etc)so it makes sense and of course helps the Filipino lady integrate more in society and frees her to have her own money and not feel dependent-everyone wins:)

[Peanutz]

I suggest that you talk again with your husband and explain why you want to earn your own money. Maybe it may help that you assure him that your relationship is strong and that you want to contribute for your future together.
If he has loads of ££££ (and the reason why he doesn't want you to work as there is no need for money) then you can tell him that you want to improve yourself. It is a self need which can only be satisfied by you working or going to college. It is also for your own mental health- For goodness sake, you are 23 yrs old you have your future ahead of you!
A valid reason is also that you want to help your family back in the Philippines and you do not want to rely to him for that money.

Talk to him heart to heart and I am positive he will understand:)

[tone]

I read it this way....maybe right, maybe wrong.

When men behave like this (especially if the husband is a few years older than the wife) it means he is INSECURE.

He is afraid of losing you because either you will meet someone else where you work, or you will become less dependent upon him, or both.

In attempting to control you in this way he is laying the foundations for the break up of your marriage. :NoNo:

You are a young woman with your whole life ahead of you, not someone's closely guarded slave.

You do need to speak seriously to him, and I'd suggest seeing a marriage guidance counsellor if he will not relent from this selfish behaviour.

I agree with all that.

Its a bad state to be in from my experience but there are other points of view that should always be considered..

[stevewool]

if you both are working then it all goes towards your futures , and you also have that little independence too and your own money,

[Peanutz]

No one really knows what happens behind a close door:D

[stevewool]

No one really knows what happens behind a close door:D

so true

[bornatbirth]

No one really knows what happens behind a close door:D

im taking a guess here...:blahblah: :ironing: :hoovering: :laundry: :78718: :do_it:

[Peanutz]

im taking a guess here...:blahblah: :ironing: :hoovering: :laundry: :78718: :do_it:

:laugher:

[Ako Si Jamie]

I read it this way....maybe right, maybe wrong.

When men behave like this (especially if the husband is a few years older than the wife) it means he is INSECURE.

He is afraid of losing you because either you will meet someone else where you work, or you will become less dependent upon him, or both.

In attempting to control you in this way he is laying the foundations for the break up of your marriage. :NoNo:

You are a young woman with your whole life ahead of you, not someone's closely guarded slave.

You do need to speak seriously to him, and I'd suggest seeing a marriage guidance counsellor if he will not relent from this selfish behaviour.That can be the case but not always. Some guys particularly the traditionalists think that the man should be the breadwinner and the woman should stay at home. In my opinion it should be up to her what she wants to do!

[joebloggs]

my misses is the breadwinner :yikes: i don't care I'll spend anyone's money :REGamblMoney01HL1::REGamblMoney01HL1::REGamblMoney01HL1:

[grahamw48]

That can be the case but not always. Some guys particularly the traditionalists think that the man should be the breadwinner and the woman should stay at home. In my opinion it should be up to her what she wants to do!

This is the 21st century !

Maybe guys like that should discuss such important issues before they wed.

Same result anyway.

[Englishman2010]

If a wife wants to work a husband should support and encourage her to find a job she enjoys. I've never believed that looking after kids, housework, cooking, cleaning...etc is the sole responsibility of the woman in a relationship, I've always done my share, and as I live on my own since my divorce I do it all now and am pround to say that my house is always spotlessly clean:D

[grahamw48]

Me too, looked after myself from 18 to 40.

House gets cleaned once every six months whether it needs it or not . :)

[branno]

thats a very good question :xxgrinning--00xx3: tell your husband it deserves a good answer :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Ako Si Jamie]

This is the 21st century !

Tell them, not me :icon_lol:

[grahamw48]

Of course. ;)

I know you're a paragon of virtue....just like me.:icon_lol:

[aryM]

can anyone here tell me why some husbands dont want to let their wife work?????????????????? its so depressing...sighsss....:bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry:

i know how you feel kate, my hubby doesn't want me to work too, but i understand his reasons, at least maybe for a year but i know soon i can convince him..,:)

[South-east boy]

Always good to have some savings too that you could put your earnings towards as you never know what will happen in the future. There are so many things that can happen, that you might suddenly need money for. Your car might suddenly die, a family member might have an emergency, you might need to suddenly travel back home to visit your family, there could be an illness or things much later such as when your children are growing up, and need help with their first car or getting a foot on the property ladder etc, etc.

[grahamw48]

Spot-on. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[kate_th]

his answer was.......NOT APPLICABLE - CHANGE THE QUESTION.... :icon_sorry::icon_sorry::icon_sorry::icon_sorry::icon_sorry::icon_sorry::icon_sorry::icon_sorry::icon_sorry::icon_sorry::icon_sorry::icon_sorry::icon_sorry::icon_sorry::icon_sorry: So help me God...

[joebloggs]

not an applicable answer :doh

[malditako]

if i would to choose i prefer to work but if hubby doesn't want to it wouldn't be a problem to me as long as he wont restrict me to spend the way i used to spend when i was still single and get the things i wanted :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[dontpushme]

With several people saying the OP's husband may be an insecure jerk, I would like to suggest a different possibility. Maybe he just doesn't want their infant to be raised by a nanny and he wanted her to focus on the family even before she gave birth.

Coming from a family where my mom was the main breadwinner (but both of my parents worked), I and my two siblings have always insisted on working and earning our own money. But when I first met my boyfriend, he expressed his hope that one day, we could be together and he'd have two jobs while I would have a part-time job, if any, and I'd be the home maker and take care of our kids. It wasn't because he was insecure, but because that's the kind of family he grew up in. After getting to know me better, he changed his mind and admitted that I deserved to work in whatever field I wanted however I wanted. But imho, I like his way too. I wouldn't mind being a home maker and raising my kids my way. I just probably wouldn't be happy with him having two jobs while I have half of one.:Erm:

So I dunno. Maybe you're all right and he's insecure. I mean, I'd be ticked off too if I were banned from working. But maybe he has not-so-selfish reasons but just hasn't explained them yet.

[grahamw48]

I don't think anyone called him a 'jerk'.

The OP seemed to be saying that she WANTED to work (or otherwise occupy herself away from the home).

My boy was certainly never looked after by anyone but his mother or myself, from birth, and that's the way we both wanted it.

That didn't stop her from working full-time (by choice) before he was born, and part-time from home afterwards.

It should be an equal partnership IMO.

[dontpushme]

I didn't say anyone called him a jerk, but from all the negative comments about him so far (e.g., selfish, insecure, etc), they might as well have called him one. Doesn't anyone else feel that all this speculation isn't going to help unless the husband in question actually knows there's an issue and understands what he's taking away from kate_th when he refuses to let her work? I agree with Peanutz, noone knows what happens behind closed doors.

If I got "Not applicable. Change the question" as an answer, I'd be mad enough to scream. But I'm sure he has his reasons. We don't even know if kate_th had any indirect or non-verbal clues to his reasons. Is the husband selfish in general? Is he bragging to his buddies that he is her lifeline? Is he treating her like a fragile child? Is he hinting at children in the very near future? I read the posts and it's mostly speculation because all we know from kate_th is (1) she wants to work and he won't let her, and (2) she asked him why he wouldn't let her work and he gave a non-answer. We don't really know the facts or his side, for that matter.

[Peanutz]

Maybe kate_th can give us a more detailed info instead of raaahhh-raaahhh post :D

[grahamw48]

I didn't say anyone called him a jerk, but from all the negative comments about him so far (e.g., selfish, insecure, etc), they might as well have called him one. Doesn't anyone else feel that all this speculation isn't going to help unless the husband in question actually knows there's an issue and understands what he's taking away from kate_th when he refuses to let her work? I agree with Peanutz, noone knows what happens behind closed doors.

If I got "Not applicable. Change the question" as an answer, I'd be mad enough to scream. But I'm sure he has his reasons. We don't even know if kate_th had any indirect or non-verbal clues to his reasons. Is the husband selfish in general? Is he bragging to his buddies that he is her lifeline? Is he treating her like a fragile child? Is he hinting at children in the very near future? I read the posts and it's mostly speculation because all we know from kate_th is (1) she wants to work and he won't let her, and (2) she asked him why he wouldn't let her work and he gave a non-answer. We don't really know the facts or his side, for that matter.

You used the word 'jerk'.

Please re-read my original post.

I was not suggesting HE was anything....merely setting out possible reasons for his behaviour.

The lady asked a question, and answers were given by all posters based on the information provided, and probably personal experience.

Of course it would be helpful to have every last detail of the couples' personal life written on a public website, but I can quite understand the OP not wishing to do that. :)

[bornatbirth]

considering the OP didnt say a lot..then this gives other forum members to feel in the blanks?

who knows why he doesnt want her to work :Erm:

[grahamw48]

If there were no responses to questions posed, then every page on here would be mostly blank. :)

[Andrew1]

He probably knows that most people meet their future partner via work. If you don't work you can't meet anyone else and its more likely you will stay together.........

[kate_th]

raaahh raaahh post huh.. lady gaga style...

its already been detaied....first, i want to work. as in really want to work... second, i ask him if i cann work he said no. you dont work. financially he can support, he gives me money all the time without even asking. third, i ask him again this time (its been 2 years since i keep on tellin him that i want to work)- answer was----NOT APPLICABLE...:Erm::Erm::Erm::Erm::Erm: i love him so much though...

[gWaPito]

I didn't say anyone called him a jerk, but from all the negative comments about him so far (e.g., selfish, insecure, etc), they might as well have called him one. Doesn't anyone else feel that all this speculation isn't going to help unless the husband in question actually knows there's an issue and understands what he's taking away from kate_th when he refuses to let her work? I agree with Peanutz, noone knows what happens behind closed doors.

If I got "Not applicable. Change the question" as an answer, I'd be mad enough to scream. But I'm sure he has his reasons. We don't even know if kate_th had any indirect or non-verbal clues to his reasons. Is the husband selfish in general? Is he bragging to his buddies that he is her lifeline? Is he treating her like a fragile child? Is he hinting at children in the very near future? I read the posts and it's mostly speculation because all we know from kate_th is (1) she wants to work and he won't let her, and (2) she asked him why he wouldn't let her work and he gave a non-answer. We don't really know the facts or his side, for that matter.

This is a very good balanced reply...for what its worth, a reputation on its way :)

Apart from the husband and wife in question, none of us know the story. All we are getting is the slanted view of a 23yo wife. After all this moaning she still loves him so, he cant be that bad.

Peanuts is right, you are all blah blah without substance.

I know if I were your husband I wouldn't be best pleased with what you said.

Unfortunately yayas dont come 2 a penny here, we all have to muck in.

I for one will not have a nanny bring up my child all because the mother wants to go out and explore her possibilities......what utter nonsense. The little chap would probably end up having lithuanian as his mother tongue, God forbid.

Strange how some quickly forget where they come from then, in an instance want the world.

Your husband knows you better than anyone on here. I'd be inclined to take his advice :)

[Peanutz]

So kate_th what do you expect to get from this thread? What are you looking to gain from your posts and from the members posts? Or is it just a moment of whinging with your boring existence?

So far this is how I read your post:

Kath_th- wants to work but husband doesn’t want but she loves him
Update- it’s been 2 years kath_th is repeating the same thing to her husband and still he won’t give in. Money not a problem as he always gives her money even if she don’t ask

Conclusion?

You just continue to stay home for god knows how long waiting for you husband to come home from work every single day…. That sounds like having a pet home always happy to greet the master back from his noble pleasures. :xxaction-smiley-047


So what do you want to do now? Husband won’t budge – what’s your plan of action?

We are so eager to hear:Erm:

[joebloggs]

considering the OP didnt say a lot..then this gives other forum members to feel in the blanks?

who knows why he doesnt want her to work :Erm:

well i dont think kate knows .NOT APPLICABLE - CHANGE THE QUESTION..:doh

marriage is a partnership no one should be telling anyone what to do :NoNo:

[joebloggs]

I for one will not have a nanny bring up my child all because the mother wants to go out and explore her possibilities......what utter nonsense. The little chap would probably end up having lithuanian as his mother tongue, God forbid.

Strange how some quickly forget where they come from then, in an instance want the world.

Your husband knows you better than anyone on here. I'd be inclined to take his advice :)

it good to see you would quit work and bring up your child gwapito and not use a nanny so your wife could work :rolleyes:

and whats wrong with Lithuanians :rolleyes:, i suppose its ok for the child to learn tag :D

my stepson brought little joe up for a yr, then we've used an excellent register childminder (kim your a :xxgrinning--00xx3:) for the last 7yrs, shes like a second mother to my kids :D

[gWaPito]

it good to see you would quit work and bring up your child gwapito and not use a nanny so your wife could work :rolleyes:

and whats wrong with Lithuanians :rolleyes:, i suppose its ok for the child to learn tag :D

my stepson brought little joe up for a yr, then we've used an excellent register childminder (kim your a :xxgrinning--00xx3:) for the last 7yrs, shes like a second mother to my kids :D
We dont go in for second mothers, thank you very much. Note I said 'we'.

Obviously if money was an issue then we would of thought long and hard about having our little chipmunk in the first place.

Im talking about his early years up to 5 (the most informative years of a human beings life)

Nothing wrong with learning tag. Its going to be his one of his dual languages after all. Lithuanian and Polish isn't.

Of course Jane will return to work but, like she says 'when im able to'. That's nothing to do with me. Jane's her own woman

[joebloggs]

We dont go in for second mothers, thank you very much. Note I said 'we'.

Obviously if money was an issue then we would of thought long and hard about having our little chipmunk in the first place.

Im talking about his early years up to 5 (the most informative years of a human beings life)

Nothing wrong with learning tag. Its going to be his one of his dual languages after all. Lithuanian and Polish isn't.

Of course Jane will return to work but, like she says 'when im able to'. That's nothing to do with me. Jane's her own woman

:D you can never have enough mothers :rolleyes:

its not just money, how much day time tv can someone take :cwm24:, since i first chatted to the misses i've encouraged her to do what she wants, i'd never TELL her what to do :NoNo:

i think polish would be more useful than Tag in the UK being Europeans

good your wife is her own woman Gawapito and not one who is told what to do :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[dontpushme]

Kate, in case you haven't done so already, I suggest sitting down with your husband and telling him how this lack of freedom is making you feel. The best time for it is when you're both relaxed, not right after he comes home from a busy day at work or after his football team just lost a match. Pick a good time when you're both relaxed and ask him if he has time to talk.

Before you do this, go and list down all the things that you feel because of his refusal to let you work. It doesn't matter if it makes you feel like a domestic helper or a pet dog or a white elephant or simply bored, just list it all down. Then go through your list to make sure there aren't any statements starting with "You." Nothing like "You do so-and-so and it makes me want to scream." You'd just make him defensive. Practice what you're going to say and make sure it focuses on you and your feelings or thoughts. Tell him you'd appreciate it if he could help you improve/feel better/feel fulfilled/etc by giving you his blessing to work. Let him know that although you understand you don't need his permission to work, you have been respecting his wishes by staying home but it has left you feeling restless and in need of fulfillment (pick a more appropriate word if this isn't right for you).

When you do sit down and talk to him, let him know you're serious, but don't get emotional. Make sure he understands this isn't just a whim and that you've thought this through very well.

If he's the type who might appreciate a little preparation, do your research before the talk so that you can show him a list of your prospects. If you know he'd rather not see you planning without his permission, don't show him a list.

I really don't know if you're as submissive as your previous posts seem to show, but if you are, you'd know the best way to approach him without undermining his dominance. If you aren't submissive, just go for it and he might appreciate that you're taking charge.

Oh, and don't forget to let him know you appreciate that he brings home the bacon and that he gives you everything you need without being asked.

[Moy]

Since men do not discuss their feelings as easily as women, it is often difficult to determine just what they expect out of marriage. Many women throughout time have been devastated by a sudden divorce request from their husbands. They may have thought that he was perfectly happy but in truth, he was completely miserable. In order to keep your marriage healthy it is vitally important to understand what men really want in a wife and how to be the wife that they want and need. To understand the concept of what men really want you can look at some of the marriage priorities that men have given over the years to counselors and friends.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[jane2009]

Thats nice to hear kate he give you what you want financially but you also need time for your self, meet new friends at work. And its different when we spend our own money...Try to talk with your husband We know he cares for you and pretty sure he will support your decisions that makes you happy...goodluck