Have Filipino Girlfriend in uk.But she is married to a much older man. Help please

[GaryCambs]

Hi. I think this may be an unusual problem for this forum. I have been seeing a filipino girl here in the uk. We have been out on a few ''dates''. While talking the other evening she told me that the filipino way was for me to ask her to be my girlfriend. I did and she accepted. She then told me that she was in fact married to a much older english guy. Details are.
She met the guy thru dating site.
Her parents ( poor)almost forced her to agree to marry him. She came to uk bringing two children and married april 2009. From the offset he very badly illtreated her, kept her as almost a slave. There marriage has NOT been consumated she never even slept in the same bed as him. He has other girlfriends he has sexual relationships with. She left him for a month in october 2009 and stayed with filipino friends. He found her and blackmailed her with deportation so she went back to live with him, but is nothing more than an unpaid housemaid.
Since then she has found work and started living her own life a little. She says she cannot leave or divorce him untill she has been married for 2 years or she has to go back to Fillipines were she has nothing. Her children are settled , friends school etc. Is she realy stuck. I have little knowledge of the legal options. Can anyone help PLEASE...
She is very unhappy

[grahamw48]

Hi. I think this may be an unusual problem for this forum. I have been seeing a filipino girl here in the uk. We have been out on a few ''dates''. While talking the other evening she told me that the filipino way was for me to ask her to be my girlfriend. I did and she accepted. She then told me that she was in fact married to a much older english guy. Details are.
She met the guy thru dating site.
Her parents ( poor)almost forced her to agree to marry him. She came to uk bringing two children and married april 2009. From the offset he very badly illtreated her, kept her as almost a slave. There marriage has NOT been consumated she never even slept in the same bed as him. He has other girlfriends he has sexual relationships with. She left him for a month in october 2009 and stayed with filipino friends. He found her and blackmailed her with deportation so she went back to live with him, but is nothing more than an unpaid housemaid.
Since then she has found work and started living her own life a little. She says she cannot leave or divorce him untill she has been married for 2 years or she has to go back to Fillipines were she has nothing. Her children are settled , friends school etc. Is she realy stuck. I have little knowledge of the legal options. Can anyone help PLEASE...
She is very unhappy

Maybe you should speak to her husband and get his side of the story ?

Of course he might break your jaw.

I know I would if I caught some young buck trying to do a 'rescue job' on my younger wife. :cwm23:

Personally I would wait until they have had a chance to either iron out their problems or get divorced.

Even better....find a girlfriend who isn't already married to someone else.

[mickcant]

As I know from my own divorce from a Filipina here on a spousal settlement visa,
When her visa expires normally after 27 months, she then needs to apply for “Further Leave to Remain”
I cant remember the cost but it is not cheap and normally the husband would pay.

If she applies for this extension to her visa, the UK Border Agency will contact her husband and ask if the marriage is sustaining!
Mick.:)

[Bluebirdjones]

My advice would be walk away now before you get even more deeply involved… but I guess it’s not what u want to hear.

But have you thought this all through ? If it’s your intention to be together, then this is a long term commitment. She has “baggage”… ie 2 children… are you prepared to accept them into your life and support them for the foreseeable future ? Do you have the money & accommodation to fulfil these obligations ?
If the answer is “YES”, then I wish you well …. If this is just a fling, a dalliance, then end it now !

If you are in it for the long-term, then some facts need to be established, and which need to be checked (by you).

If, as you say, she came to the UK & married in April 09, then she arrived on a fiancé visa. This visa is issued on the proviso that the marriage takes place within 6months. So, worst-case scenario, she would have applied for her FLR (Further leave to remain) by October 09. That indicates that the ILR (Indefinate leave to remain) has to be applied for by about October 11 – Jan 12. (Her passport or UKBA ID card will tell you the date her FLR expires). That’s 4-6mnths ! So why not just sit it out & wait ?

So, once she has the ILR, she could effectively walk out on him ….. and into your arms. She then files for divorce and you live happily ever after.

[sars_notd_virus]

i'm sorry but its not the first time i heard about this kind of story,I should avoid the filipina ''hustler'' now before she do the same to you (leave you when u get old)and wasted you out...she obviously came here for ''practical'' reasons , from the start she doesnt like the man,and her parents forced her to marry him? i dont think so,..she got 2 children and she should know how to choose wise the next time,she obviously use the old man to get here in the uk to find another man to used....she's been badly treated?? i dont think its legal for any domestic violence here in the uk?she should have reported it to the local authorities and she got filipina friends to help her do that...must be her drama because,if the kids settles fine ,she should also be the same unless shes doing something wrong which cause the old man to treat her badly,for example(how did you manage to have dates?) ...yes of course she would say that she cant divorce the man because she doesnt have the ILR/citizenship yet because she will not get anything( money wise )after the divorce and you will be the one to carry out all the cost for her to stay here, if deported back to the PH you will pay all the cost for her to come back to the UK(if your happy to do that for her then i salute you)
i feel ashamed for those instances where some filipinas leaving their husband for another man because of infantile and ignorant reasons.

welcome to the forum!! and good luck to you !!

[marlyn&kenny]

i myslef is very embarrassed of those filipina who puttinf dirt in our nations(lol), seriously, its tottally embarrasing!!!! people who use other people just to have a better life is no more than a prostitute!
Please dont get us wrong, we are not accusing your girl but base on her stories, its totally disgusting( came up with story that made us feel ashamed and embarrass reading it!
if the poor man really treating her bad, why wont she just leave him??? BUT TRUE COLOR reveal, when she said " She says (she cannot leave or divorce him untill she has been married for 2 years ) obviously she want residency!!!

hayyyyyyy why do pig's fly!!!

[Pete/London]

i'm sorry but its not the first time i heard about this kind of story,I should avoid the filipina ''hustler'' now before she do the same to you (leave you when u get old)and wasted you out...she obviously came here for ''practical'' reasons , from the start she doesnt like the man,and her parents forced her to marry the him? i dont think so,..she got 2 children and she should know how to choose wise the next time,she obviously use the old man to get here in the uk to find another man to used....she's been badly treated?? i dont think its legal for any domestic violence here in the uk?she should have reported it to the local authorities and she got filipina friends to help her do that...must be her drama because,if the kids settles fine ,she should also be the same unless shes doing something wrong which cause the old man to treat her badly,for example(how did you manage to have dates?) ...yes of course she would say that she cant divorce the man because she doesnt have the ILR/citizenship yet because she will not get anything( money wise )after the divorce and you will be the one to carry out all the cost for her to stay here, if deported back to the PH you will pay all the cost for her to come back to the UK(if your happy to do that for her then i salute you)
i feel ashamed for those instances where some filipinas leaving their husband for another man because of infantile and ignorant reasons.

welcome to the forum!! and good luck to you !!

Completely agree with you, in fact I thought the GaryCambs post was a wind up.If its true then we have obviously only heard one side of the story, and what a story it is.
Why would a man spend considerable time to meet someone with 2 children from a previous encounter, then bring them over here and settle the children into school and then lead a separate loveless life, while putting it about with other women.:Erm:
If she does obtain permanent residence and they divorce he will have to support the children on the marriage, very unfair if she has no feelings for him. If you want the woman then front up and tell her husband and start the process again from the Philippines, but watch out:cwm3:

[gWaPito]

There you have it Gary :NoNo:

Excellent advice from Bluebird and equally good posts from Marlyn, Graham, Pete and a most eloquently composed post from Sars.

I first read your tale of woe just before going to bed 5 am today and it made my blood boil.

Gary, for sure like Sars stated, you will befall the same sentence just like her unsuspecting husband at home playing with the kids while the woman he married is out carrying on with others.

For the sake of her kids happily settled at school, leave her alone.

[GaryCambs]

I think I may have given the wrong impression here. I met the lady socially (a work mate is married to one of her friends) and had no idea of her situation. We chatted for a few weeks via txt and have been out for a drink together on a couple of occasions. I asked her if she would like to go on an actual date with me. This is when she told me about asking her to be my girlfriend before she could go on an actual date and told me about her situation.We have noot been out on an actual date yet.Yes I do like her and I genuinely belive her. After all what has she to gain from telling me this ?? . It seems that the man she married promised her and her children a nice life if she agreed to marry but once he had her in uk has continued seeing another women (as well as making new female contacts to other girls in the Fillopines by pretending he is single and sending money to them) and wants nothing to do with her except as a housemaid.She has to work (very hard and long hours) to provide for her children as the man merely provides a roof over her head. I have had comfirmed from my workmate via his wife that they are aware of her situation and have confirmed that to their knowledge a lot of it is true. Please forgive my ignorance I am simply an ordinary English guy. But it seems so unfair that if she has been tricked her and her children have to live in an unhappy stressfull situation because she has no option ( other than be deported back to filipines where she has nothing). Would some one be so kind as to explain to someone with no concept of these things if there is anything at all she can do. Not neccesarly to be with me as we are as yet simply friends. also does her husband have the power to send her back at his whim. And no this is not a wind up thank you.

[GaryCambs]

I am pretty much confusd. Maybe someone could answer some simpple questions for me.
1) Could the lady in question divorce her husband now after being married just over a year.?
2) if she did what would happen to her. She claims she does have alternative accomodation, she has a fulltime job and can support her children, She says if she divorces before her permenant visa her and her children get sent home. Is this true. ??

[bornatbirth]

how can she be your gf...if shes already married?

let her get her ilr and divorce him..then make your move.....personally i would find myself a single filipina :D

[GaryCambs]

She says she wants to stay in uk because she has a good job here and friends and does not want to uproot her children again.
She has nothing back in fillipines (confirmed by my workmate who is married to her friend) Her mother( died of cancer just before the girl came to uk ) encouraged her to accept the mans offer. By the way she is not very young she is 40 children 17 and 11. I for the record am 46

[joebloggs]

well if they are not living together anymore then she cannot get any other visa to stay longer in the UK based on being married, if they did apply it would probably be refused unless they used deception :NoNo:

[GaryCambs]

I am using the word girlfriend as in a girl who is a friend

[grahamw48]

Yes, she and the children probably will get sent back, as she is 'on probation' as regards the marriage for the first 2 years.
Never heard of bogus marriages ?

Of course I'm sure you'll happily wait for her divorce to go through the courts, the custody battles to be resolved, and pay the several thousand pounds it will cost to return her to your arms.

That is so long as you can satisfy all the requirements that her present husband has had to (financial, employment and accommodation) to bring her here in the first place.

[bornatbirth]

you mean a friend then?

theres a big difference.

she needs to stay married for 2 years and apply for a ilr which should take a month and then divorce.

[Terpe]

...she needs to stay married for 2 years and apply for a ilr which should take a month and then divorce.

Maybe not quite as simple as it sounds.
If the lady petitions for divorce she needs to find acceptable reason under UK law.
Also the respondent needs to sign and agree.
Statement of Arrangements about the children needs to be filed as well

The divorce will never be recognised in the Philippines.
If she visited the Philippines she could well be subject to arrest for bigamy (depending on marital details held or intellingence passed on)

[Tawi2]

Maybe you should speak to her husband and get his side of the story ?

Theres just a chance your being manipulated just the same as her husband,pinays arent all sugar and spice and all things nice,trust me on that despite the glowing eulogies you sometimes read on this forum :icon_lol: some are slugs and snails and puppy-dogs tails,sly scheming manipulative and they know just how to press your buttons ;) Speak to her hubby as per Grahams advice,and avoid contact with her,she is married,I have known one or two married pinays,they mostly play games for whatever reasons :rolleyes:


While talking the other evening she told me that the filipino way was for me to ask her to be my girlfriend.
:laugher: She is playing you for a fool,she isnt a shy demure virginal sylph of a girl,she is a cheating married woman :laugher:

[grahamw48]

..And it takes two to tango.

How would you feel if someone was trying to get off with your wife ?

Yes, I AM talking from experience. :cwm23:

[bornatbirth]

..And it takes two to tango.


yes it does but it sounds like shes the one looking and they are only friends.

[Tawi2]

I for the record am 46
Then your experienced and worldly wise,dont fall for her crap(thats putting it bluntly).:)

[sars_notd_virus]

I am pretty much confusd. Maybe someone could answer some simpple questions for me.
1) Could the lady in question divorce her husband now after being married just over a year.?
2) if she did what would happen to her. She claims she does have alternative accomodation, she has a fulltime job and can support her children, She says if she divorces before her permenant visa her and her children get sent home. Is this true. ??

dont confuse and fool yourself and all of us here,..the simple answer is YES she will be sent back to the PH because her visa here is to settle with her partner...YES she can divorce her husband but tell her to get the bestest lawyer she can fool and pay.

[sars_notd_virus]

By the way she is not very young she is 40 children 17 and 11. I for the record am 46

We cannot teach an old dog a new tricks:Erm:

[grahamw48]

yes it does but it sounds like shes the one looking and they are only friends.


I have been seeing a filipino girl here in the uk. We have been out on a few ''dates''. While talking the other evening she told me that the filipino way was for me to ask her to be my girlfriend. I did and she accepted.

Are we reading different posts ? :Erm:

I'll repeat...it takes two to tango.

[Steve.r]

We cannot teach an old dog a new tricks:Erm:

But 'sometimes' old dogs learn new tricks....

[bornatbirth]

Are we reading different posts ? :Erm:


have you read all his other posts in this thread....:Erm:

[gWaPito]

Unless the law has changed recently the husband of the filipina cant send his wife 'home'.

She is allowed to stay here until her 2 year visa expires whether she's with her husband or not.

As long as the husband reports it in writing recorded post to the border control Croydon or where ever it is now, thats all he can do.

The wife is still legally allowed to work until the expiry date of the visa.

C razyI know. She comes here on the strength of her husband's sponsorship then, when it suits ups and leaves....all with the blessing of the border control.

It stinks :angry:

[grahamw48]

Best guard your wives and girlfriends people...especially if you've committed the crime of being 'much older' than them. :rolleyes:

[gWaPito]

Best guard your wives and girlfriends people...especially if you've committed the crime of being 'much older' than them. :rolleyes:

The saying 'its a minefield out there' couldn't be more aptly used. :NoNo:

[mickcant]

Unless the law has changed recently the husband of the filipina cant send his wife 'home'.

She is allowed to stay here until her 2 year visa expires whether she's with her husband or not.

As long as the husband reports it in writing recorded post to the border control Croydon or where ever it is now, thats all he can do.

The wife is still legally allowed to work until the expiry date of the visa.

C razyI know. She comes here on the strength of her husband's sponsorship then, when it suits ups and leaves....all with the blessing of the border control.

It stinks :angry:

I can confirm that, I divorced my wife after she left me to live with a group of Filipinos and she is as far as I know still in the UK.
Who knows if the UK Border Agency will even bother when her visa runs out this year?
Mick.:cwm23:

[joebloggs]

Unless the law has changed recently the husband of the filipina cant send his wife 'home'.

She is allowed to stay here until her 2 year visa expires whether she's with her husband or not.

As long as the husband reports it in writing recorded post to the border control Croydon or where ever it is now, thats all he can do.

The wife is still legally allowed to work until the expiry date of the visa.

C razyI know. She comes here on the strength of her husband's sponsorship then, when it suits ups and leaves....all with the blessing of the border control.

It stinks :angry:

not completely true Gawpito, they can curtail her visa anytime, whether they do or not is another thing, if there is 6 months less on her visa, they probably wouldn't anyway..

[mickcant]

not completely true Gawpito, they can curtail her visa anytime, whether they do or not is another thing, if there is 6 months less on her visa, they probably wouldn't anyway..

There was 9 months left on my ex wifes settlement visa when I divorced her in January 2011.

The UKBA told me they were canceling the visa but she IS still in the UK.

Mick.:cwm23:

[grahamw48]

I hadn't considered the 'bigamist' aspect where the ex is concerned.

After our divorce came through she married a Swedish bloke.

We DID get married in the Phils though. :Erm:

Having said that, I'd never do anything to screw up the life of my boy's mother.

[gWaPito]

There was 9 months left on my ex wifes settlement visa when I divorced her in January 2011.

The UKBA told me they were canceling the visa but she IS still in the UK.

Mick.:cwm23:

There was over a year on ex's visa still, the border control failed to act. It gave her enough time to find another hapless soul to plunder and remarry without going back to The Philippines. All before her defunct visa expired :NoNo:

I suspect you maybe misinformed Joe. I wrote a detailed letter to her employer. A major national employer. I explained she was breaking the terms and conditions of her visa, they in turn contacted the border control.

She never lost her job.

[Dedworth]

There was 9 months left on my ex wifes settlement visa when I divorced her in January 2011.

The UKBA told me they were canceling the visa but she IS still in the UK.

Mick.:cwm23:

Did you get any response from your MP and the Home Secretary ? - Tell them you will be raising the issue with the Parliamentary Ombudsman - these leeches must be removed from our country.

[gWaPito]

There was 9 months left on my ex wifes settlement visa when I divorced her in January 2011.

The UKBA told me they were canceling the visa but she IS still in the UK.

Mick.:cwm23:

At least they told you they were canceling her visa.

They told me in a letter that I'd done the correct thing in reporting it bearing in mind I'd reported it over 6 months earlier. Yes, it took that long to reply to me.

I was told in so many words its no longer my concern Period.

I guess they are too busy chasing down many other wayward filipinas.

To think now the spouse finance visa can be obtained in a matter of days as opposed to years gone by.

[mickcant]

At least they told you they were canceling her visa.

They told me in a letter that I'd done the correct thing in reporting it bearing in mind I'd reported it over 6 months earlier. Yes, it took that long to reply to me.

I was told in so many words its no longer my concern Period.

I guess they are too busy chasing down many other wayward filipinas.

To think now the spouse finance visa can be obtained in a matter of days as opposed to years gone by.

Yes they told me, but they have not carried it through, she is still in the UK.
Mick:cwm23:

[grahamw48]

In 1991 the Spouse visa fee was £40 (and no other fees worth speaking of).

Airfares were virtually the same as today. :Erm:

[Koala]

The Philippine govt has to except the law of other countries. Just like other countries have to accept the law of the Philippines.

If she is divorced there..... well its what it says divorced. You can't get divorced in PI.....but you can get divorced and she won't be done for bigamy back here. Thousands of pinoys get divorced overseas and return and get married again.

[mickcant]

Did you get any response from your MP and the Home Secretary ? - Tell them you will be raising the issue with the Parliamentary Ombudsman - these leeches must be removed from our country.

I had an auto reply from Damien Green saying I should contact my own MP, who I had copied the letter to anyhow.

I have had a brief reply from my MPs office that they would try to look into the matter, Teresa May did not answer, nor did the home office.

There seems no way of simply asking the UKBA why they did not do as they said they were going to, I have wrote them again with no reply.
Mick. :crazy:

[Terpe]

The Philippine govt has to except the law of other countries. Just like other countries have to accept the law of the Philippines.

If she is divorced there..... well its what it says divorced. You can't get divorced in PI.....but you can get divorced and she won't be done for bigamy back here. Thousands of pinoys get divorced overseas and return and get married again.

If a Filipino national files for divorce in another country (as the petioner), his or her divorce will not be recognized in the Philippines.

The Family Code of The Philippines.
Where a marriage between a Filipino citizen and a foreigner is validly celebrated and a divorce is thereafter validly obtained abroad by the alien spouse capacitating him or her to remarry, the Filipino spouse shall have capacity to remarry under Philippine law

[Dedworth]

I had an auto reply from Damien Green saying I should contact my own MP, who I had copied the letter to anyhow.

I have had a brief reply from my MPs office that they would try to look into the matter, Teresa May did not answer, nor did the home office.

There seems no way of simply asking the UKBA why they did not do as they said they were going to, I have wrote them again with no reply.
Mick. :crazy:

They're obviously trying to dodge the issue - maybe a letter to your local MP (copied to Editor of local newspaper) detailing the immigration abuses you are raising and also who's not responded and asking for his help and support in raising the matter with the Parliamentary Ombudsman

[grahamw48]

If a Filipino national files for divorce in another country (as the petioner), his or her divorce will not be recognized in the Philippines.

The Family Code of The Philippines.
Where a marriage between a Filipino citizen and a foreigner is validly celebrated and a divorce is thereafter validly obtained abroad by the alien spouse capacitating him or her to remarry, the Filipino spouse shall have capacity to remarry under Philippine law

My ex did the petitioning, and now has re-married (I didn't see why I should have to pay), so she's a bigamist ? :Erm:

She also had British Citizenship/Naturalisation (before her second marriage).
I wonder how that effects things in the Phils.

[Terpe]

My ex did the petitioning, and now has re-married (I didn't see why I should have to pay), so she's a bigamist ? :Erm:

She also had British Citizenship/Naturalisation (before her second marriage).
I wonder how that effects things in the Phils.

You'd need to review the Family Code and other statutes if you want to confirm.

[GaryCambs]

Update. Firstly I have to state that when I met the lady (socially) and for the first couple of meetings that I loosely and probably incorrectly refer to as ''dates'', I had no idea at all she was married. So i was NOT attempting to steal another mans wife and for the record there has been nothing improper. It was not untill I asked her if she would consider actually going on a ''proper date'' that she explained her situation of being married but unhappy. Since she has been in contact with me via phonecalls and texts. She has had reason to report an incident regarding her husbands son (48) to the police and as a result the son has moved out . She said that initially her intentions were to marry and be with the man (happy ever after) but that once she was married he changed completely. He ignores her , spends little time at home ( away for days at a time without informing her of where he is) Her life now consists of working (often double shifts) in a nursing home and being lonely. She admits she is trying to ''stick it out'' to get her resident visa as she has little to go back to in the filipines and feels the best for her children is to try and stay in UK.
I belive this is a genuine case of older man brings girl to uk and marrys then thinks he can continue womanising and leading a seperate life whilst keeping a wife at home for convenience. Last time I spoke to her she was even now cotemplating accepting going back to filipenes as she is so unhappy.

[ConfusedMe]

1. If you really like this girl Gary, I think the best way is for you to wait until she can finally get her ILR. Much easier.

2. If the marriage ends in divorce, prior to the individual being granted leave to remain, then the individual will either need to leave the UK, or make an application to remain in the UK in another category.
There can be various options available when making such applications in this situation, including the following 'grounds':

As a parent exercising rights of contact/access in relation to a child.
As a parent of a child at school.
As a victim of domestic violence.
As a migrant within Tier 1 of the Points Based System (Highly Skilled Migrant, Entrepreneur, Investor, post study worker etc.)

PS I copy paste No2 answer from this site :)
http://www.gross.co.uk/uk-immigration-law/foreign-nationals-divorce.asp

But on how to make these applications... You can check in UK border site :)


I am pretty much confusd. Maybe someone could answer some simpple questions for me.
1) Could the lady in question divorce her husband now after being married just over a year.?
2) if she did what would happen to her. She claims she does have alternative accomodation, she has a fulltime job and can support her children, She says if she divorces before her permenant visa her and her children get sent home. Is this true. ??

[Moy]

First of all, realize that you've allowed yourself to fall in love with a woman who has no integrity. A woman who cheats on her husband is a woman that no man can ever fully trust.:yikes::D:xxaction-smiley-047:do_it::ReadIt:
Marriage is not about who did what. It is about who you think you can spend the rest of your life with. It is not the same as shopping for a car..where if one thinks this model of cars is cool then most likely you might find it cool too. You plan to spend your life with another human being, so my advise is not to generalise but find someone who you click with, it is not about where one comes from but rather about how you relate to that person. Best of luck!:Wave:

[joebloggs]

I suspect you maybe misinformed Joe. I wrote a detailed letter to her employer. A major national employer. I explained she was breaking the terms and conditions of her visa, they in turn contacted the border control.

She never lost her job.

:yikes: me misinformed gWapito :NoNo:, you've doubted me a few times gawapito :cwm24:

she had a valid visa that's why , but the HO can curtail it, which it looks like they decided not to curtail it this time

straight from the horses mouth

3.5.2 MARRIAGE BREAK-UP
When information is received that a marriage has broken down during the probationary period, a person’s stay in the United Kingdom may be curtailed.


http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/sitecontent/documents/policyandlaw/IDIs/idischapter9/section5/section5.pdf?view=Binary

[Moy]

:xxgrinning--00xx3::D

[mickcant]

:yikes: me misinformed gWapito :NoNo:, you've doubted me a few times gawapito :cwm24:

she had a valid visa that's why , but the HO can curtail it, which it looks like they decided not to curtail it this time

straight from the horses mouth

3.5.2 MARRIAGE BREAK-UP
When information is received that a marriage has broken down during the probationary period, a person’s stay in the United Kingdom may be curtailed.


http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/sitecontent/documents/policyandlaw/IDIs/idischapter9/section5/section5.pdf?view=Binary

Do we know of anywhen when they did take any action?
They told me they were going to curtail my exes settlement visa when I dirvoced her but they did not do it!

It seems strange they work hard to make sure only thoes entitled do get a visa, but thoes that slip through they do nothing about:angry:
Mick.:)

[Dedworth]

3.5.2 MARRIAGE BREAK-UP
When information is received that a marriage has broken down during the probationary period, a person’s stay in the United Kingdom may be curtailed.


http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/sitecontent/documents/policyandlaw/IDIs/idischapter9/section5/section5.pdf?view=Binary


The crucial word is "may" which should be "will"

[blackcat22]

I had an auto reply from Damien Green saying I should contact my own MP, who I had copied the letter to anyhow.

I have had a brief reply from my MPs office that they would try to look into the matter, Teresa May did not answer, nor did the home office.

There seems no way of simply asking the UKBA why they did not do as they said they were going to, I have wrote them again with no reply.
Mick. :crazy:

I don't get why you're trying to remove your ex from this country unless you felt her sole motive for marrying you is to get stay in UK. If that is the case then i'm afraid you should have read the sign from day one when you started dating. I'm sure if you looked back now you'd say "Damn! I saw the signs but I ignored it"

Next time you're dating a filipino from phils tell em you're the one moving to them in phils and if they're still with you 6 months after you say that to them then it's a good test she is not after using you for UK passport :)

[Dedworth]

I don't get why you're trying to remove your ex from this country unless you felt her sole motive for marrying you is to get stay in UK. If that is the case then i'm afraid you should have read the sign from day one when you started dating. I'm sure if you looked back now you'd say "Damn! I saw the signs but I ignored it"

Next time you're dating a filipino from phils tell em you're the one moving to them in phils and if they're still with you 6 months after you say that to them then it's a good test she is not after using you for UK passport :)

That's very easy to say, mickcant like others before and others after unfortunately didn't have the benefit of hindsight

[grahamw48]

Agreed. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[mickcant]

I don't get why you're trying to remove your ex from this country unless you felt her sole motive for marrying you is to get stay in UK. If that is the case then i'm afraid you should have read the sign from day one when you started dating. I'm sure if you looked back now you'd say "Damn! I saw the signs but I ignored it"

Next time you're dating a filipino from phils tell em you're the one moving to them in phils and if they're still with you 6 months after you say that to them then it's a good test she is not after using you for UK passport :)

I am trying to remove her, becouse she lied to me and only married me to come to the UK to work.

She was unfaithful and had a child by her Filipino boyfriend after we married and before finally coming here.
Yes looking back I should have seen many signs that now seem clear, but as they say “Love is Blind”.
Mick.:)

[stevewool]

we all can say he should have seen it comming and yes after many months years after the fact we all can read the signs, that why most of us are on here now,yes mick love is blind, its been blind for me twice before, most men are fools when it comes to love but again i would rather be a fool then some hard person who has no feelings, just my thought :)

[blackcat22]

Just be real careful next time, the holy grail rule of thumb is:

Any foreign girl filipino or russian or whatever more than 10yrs younger than you declaring undying love 85% of the time is faking it. i.e a 20yr old foreign girl declaring undying love to a 65yr old man 8 times out of 10 are fakers so try and stick to foreign ladies whose age much closer to your age and u have a better chance.

..and let's face the fact 90% of guys wanting to date foreign ladies are over 40s so the 18-25yrs filipinos are short of supplies of foreign men nearer their own age hence will look to the older guys to get foot in the door.

[Steve.r]

Just be real careful next time, the holy grail rule of thumb is:

Any foreign girl filipino or russian or whatever more than 10yrs younger than you declaring undying love 85% of the time is faking it. i.e a 20yr old foreign girl declaring undying love to a 65yr old man 8 times out of 10 are fakers so try and stick to foreign ladies whose age much closer to your age and u have a better chance.

..and let's face the fact 90% of guys wanting to date foreign ladies are over 40s so the 18-25yrs filipinos are short of supplies of foreign men nearer their own age hence will look to the older guys to get foot in the door.

I think you are trying to tell someone how to suck eggs, and what makes you such an authority to judge Mick's situation :Erm: A little condesending don't you think ? :rolleyes:

[grahamw48]

Just be real careful next time, the holy grail rule of thumb is:

Any foreign girl filipino or russian or whatever more than 10yrs younger than you declaring undying love 85% of the time is faking it. i.e a 20yr old foreign girl declaring undying love to a 65yr old man 8 times out of 10 are fakers so try and stick to foreign ladies whose age much closer to your age and u have a better chance.

..and let's face the fact 90% of guys wanting to date foreign ladies are over 40s so the 18-25yrs filipinos are short of supplies of foreign men nearer their own age hence will look to the older guys to get foot in the door.

Fascinating insight you have there.

Please show the source of your facts. :)

[simplyme28]

maybe blackcat22 has been studying these for a long time.. hahaha.. what you think guys?

[sars_notd_virus]

Next time you're dating a filipino from phils tell em you're the one moving to them in phils and if they're still with you 6 months after you say that to them then it's a good test she is not after using you for UK passport :)

true, a lot of filipinas wants to be here in the UK but when they are here they wanna go back to the PH,...weird:crazy:

but what happens if a filipina wants to test the bloke ????...i think it will involve lots and lots of money too:Cuckoo:

[blackcat22]

I think you are trying to tell someone how to suck eggs, and what makes you such an authority to judge Mick's situation :Erm: A little condesending don't you think ? :rolleyes:

Being a human psychology graduate helps in understanding this complicated maze of foreign relationships :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[blackcat22]

maybe blackcat22 has been studying these for a long time.. hahaha.. what you think guys?

It's not hard to work it out. Just take a sample study of even about 50 members on here nearly correct if not spot on.

on another note, i'm currently courting a filipino lady at the moment and putting her through my own invented "scam test" as you never know but so far she has passed but it's still early days yet.

[rrr]

Garycrambs I have no experience on this but you do sound concern for your friend. If you really think she is in distress with her husband you can probably advise her to save up her salary so she can stabilise herself in philippines in case they have divorce.Like maybe put a little business their. Your friend sound very hard working so she handle this. As for yourself weigh the pros and cons of the situation before you commit yourself into anything.
I do hope you take on board all the advices......All the best!!!!:D

[grahamw48]

Well I guess I passed the test then, since the ex and I lived together for over 9 months in the Phils before she came here.

Phew, that's a relief, I can get on with my life now. :)

[Steve.r]

Being a human psychology graduate helps in understanding this complicated maze of foreign relationships :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Not everyone will fit your 'graduated' view on life and relationships. I still think what you said was pretty insensitive towards a member who has been through a really bad time. I am sure your lady will be thrilled that you trust her so much that you are scam testing her. Maybe she is infact testing you :doh

[marlyn&kenny]

My ex did the petitioning, and now has re-married (I didn't see why I should have to pay), so she's a bigamist ? :Erm:

She also had British Citizenship/Naturalisation (before her second marriage).
I wonder how that effects things in the Phils.
THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT IS, PAY SOMEONE U KNOW TO GET YOU A COPY OF CENOMAR (certificate of no marriage) it can be a relative of her to apply for it, and if she did not finalize it and file in NSO her divorce with u, it will show in that certificate that she is still married to u! by then she is considered as bigamist!!! i reckon her marriage with u still exist in phil NSO,, by the way did u marry in phils\?

[grahamw48]

Yes, we were married at Pasay City Hall, Manila.

I think if there was some procedure to go through in the Phils to notify of our divorce HERE, she would have done it though.

But, I thought divorce wasn't recognised in the Phils anyway. :Erm:

[sweetnote143]

It's not hard to work it out. Just take a sample study of even about 50 members on here nearly correct if not spot on.

on another note, i'm currently courting a filipino lady at the moment and putting her through my own invented "scam test" as you never know but so far she has passed but it's still early days yet.

what do you think of us 'lab rats'? :cwm23: even if u take a sample of 50 members, what is that sample size to the whole population in this forum? you must know that a small sample size such as being only 10 percent of the total population will bear no significant result....you should also know that there are countless variables one has to consider before you come up with a conclusion.....cut the crap:cwm23: leave psychology and science in the academe.....affection, relationship, love are not something that can be measured or can be analyzed by theories......and just as steve said, you really dont know that she had also put you into a test

[Terpe]

what do you think of us 'lab rats'? :cwm23: even if u take a sample of 50 members, what is that sample size to the whole population in this forum? you must know that a small sample size such as being only 10 percent of the total population will bear no significant result....you should also know that there are countless variables one has to consider before you come up with a conclusion.....cut the crap:cwm23: leave psychology and science in the academe.....affection, relationship, love are not something that can be measured or can be analyzed by theories......and just as steve said, you really dont know that she had also put you into a test

Nicely put sweetnote :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[tone]

Some really interesting insights here to be honest but all I can do is think about how I would feel if this was my "wife" carrying on with someone else like this.
My life is lived with a simple statement - "what goes around comes around" so just bear that in mind in the future, you have a close age gap so thats a good thing but until you can answer every question with a positive and conclusive yes (for yourself) then you should be very careful.
If her husband is abusive and or violent you should also consider your own personal safety what happens if someone comes after you and her?
I am not trying to sensationalise anything but expect the unexpected.
Good luck whichever route you take but personally I would walk away.
Tone

[grahamw48]

My best friend has been married to a Filipina now for over 15 years. He's 20 years her senior.

My ex-wife's sister, 2 cousins, and her niece have been happily married to Europeans for between 10 and 25 years. There is an age gap of at least 10 years and up to 20+ years between husband and wives.

Of course I'm sure they're all exceptions to some rule or other. :rolleyes:

[gWaPito]

It's not hard to work it out. Just take a sample study of even about 50 members on here nearly correct if not spot on.

on another note, i'm currently courting a filipino lady at the moment and putting her through my own invented "scam test" as you never know but so far she has passed but it's still early days yet.

Of course its not hard to work out using your extremely simplistic formula but, I think your analogy is floored.

Using the same number testing new drugs would you consider it satisfactory? I think not. The population consists of 60 plus million not one of a desert Island.

Steve R is correct in my opinion, your comments are condescending.

Btw I hadn't read Sweetnote's post which was pointing out the same as I. Apologies

[gWaPito]

Some really interesting insights here to be honest but all I can do is think about how I would feel if this was my "wife" carrying on with someone else like this.
My life is lived with a simple statement - "what goes around comes around" so just bear that in mind in the future, you have a close age gap so thats a good thing but until you can answer every question with a positive and conclusive yes (for yourself) then you should be very careful.
If her husband is abusive and or violent you should also consider your own personal safety what happens if someone comes after you and her?
I am not trying to sensationalise anything but expect the unexpected.
Good luck whichever route you take but personally I would walk away.
Tone
I got to agree. The saying 'what goes around comes around' is one I truly believe. I could site numerous instances where this has happened to swines who've done me wrong.

Like Tone said, if she's willing to wast her current husband the future doesn't look good for Gary.

[sweetnote143]

Nicely put sweetnote :xxgrinning--00xx3:

:) thanks, terpe....I just cant go quiet on that....that's being insensitive and pompous on his side to post such remark...I guess he was just trying to show off his knowledge...:NoNo: I have no intention to offend him but what he said really boils my blood.....peace all! :icon_lol:

and I agree with tone "what goes around comes around" :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[sweetnote143]

Of course its not hard to work out using your extremely simplistic formula but, I think your analogy is floored.

Using the same number testing new drugs would you consider it satisfactory? I think not. The population consists of 60 plus million not one of a desert Island.


i agree with you, gwapito :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Ako Si Jamie]

Hi. I think this may be an unusual problem for this forum. I have been seeing a filipino girl here in the uk. We have been out on a few ''dates''. While talking the other evening she told me that the filipino way was for me to ask her to be my girlfriend. I did and she accepted. She then told me that she was in fact married to a much older english guy. Details are.
She met the guy thru dating site.
Her parents ( poor)almost forced her to agree to marry him. She came to uk bringing two children and married april 2009. From the offset he very badly illtreated her, kept her as almost a slave. There marriage has NOT been consumated she never even slept in the same bed as him. He has other girlfriends he has sexual relationships with. She left him for a month in october 2009 and stayed with filipino friends. He found her and blackmailed her with deportation so she went back to live with him, but is nothing more than an unpaid housemaid.
Since then she has found work and started living her own life a little. She says she cannot leave or divorce him untill she has been married for 2 years or she has to go back to Fillipines were she has nothing. Her children are settled , friends school etc. Is she realy stuck. I have little knowledge of the legal options. Can anyone help PLEASE...
She is very unhappyBefore you go any further you need to find out the truth. Her story maybe genuine or she could be telling a pack of lies. If it's the latter, stay well clear!

If it isn't I wouldn't feel guilty about homing in on some other guys chick if he was using her as his skivvy, and I wouldn't blame her for leaving him even though she's married. I don't think anyone should stay in an unhappy relationship. Life's too short. Worn that t-shirt and it's not worth it!

[blackcat22]

Not everyone will fit your 'graduated' view on life and relationships. I still think what you said was pretty insensitive towards a member who has been through a really bad time. I am sure your lady will be thrilled that you trust her so much that you are scam testing her. Maybe she is infact testing you :doh

huh!! How can suggestion to limit chances of being scammed or con again be insensitive? It's a personal tragedy when you feel you've been conned or scammed so this is not my intention. My sincere apology if it came across that way.

Absolutely will welcome a lady to put me to a test also. As a matter of fact i'm sure you all know scammers and con artists exist in both male and female sexes. Only we hear more about the females but it also exist on the male side.

I know a friend who took advantage of number of propositions he get from filipino women and heads over there to have his wicked ways with one then drop her like a fly and move on to the next one on his lists leaving a trail of broken heart filipino womenr behind him. So how do filipino women protect themselves from someone like this? So yeah they also have to be on their guard and test the sincerity of the men before they commit.

[Maria B]

Hi. I think this may be an unusual problem for this forum. I have been seeing a filipino girl here in the uk. We have been out on a few ''dates''. While talking the other evening she told me that the filipino way was for me to ask her to be my girlfriend. I did and she accepted. She then told me that she was in fact married to a much older english guy. Details are.
She met the guy thru dating site.
Her parents ( poor)almost forced her to agree to marry him. She came to uk bringing two children and married april 2009. From the offset he very badly illtreated her, kept her as almost a slave. There marriage has NOT been consumated she never even slept in the same bed as him. He has other girlfriends he has sexual relationships with. She left him for a month in october 2009 and stayed with filipino friends. He found her and blackmailed her with deportation so she went back to live with him, but is nothing more than an unpaid housemaid.
Since then she has found work and started living her own life a little. She says she cannot leave or divorce him untill she has been married for 2 years or she has to go back to Fillipines were she has nothing. Her children are settled , friends school etc. Is she realy stuck. I have little knowledge of the legal options. Can anyone help PLEASE...
She is very unhappy

Filipina's are very emotional if they had a very bad trauma. She is lucky to have a concerned friend (boyfriend) like you. Year 2008, Filipino fiancées and spouses of foreign citizens who are leaving the country are required to attend the Commission on Filipinos Overseas (CFO) guidance and counseling programs in order to secure the Guidance and Counseling Certificate (GCC) and the CFO sticker. This Pre-Departure Orientation Seminar (P.D.O.S) is a pre-requisite to the issuance of passports. THIS PROGRAM HELPS Filipino fiancées and spouses of foreign nationals make informed decisions regarding their marriage to foreign nationals and to prepare them for their adjustments in cross-cultural marriages. The two-hour seminar include topics about migration laws, welfare and support services available in their country of destination, their rights overseas; and tips on how to cope up if in case there’ll be problematic or difficult domestic situations.
WE are given books, leaflets of website where to contact if in case we encountered things like that of what u mentioned. TALK to her about this. She may contact the helpful filipino links from the list, she can find a lot of filipinos who are a member of a Filipino community where she can find help like solicitors & advisers.
It's hard to judge her as I've seen the unbelievable true to life stories from the seminar of how Filipina wives are being treated. It's scary and distressful. There's one wife who was treated like a prisoner and a sex slave & a lot of stories never been told in the public.
If she is unhappy, she should give any close Filipina friend a shout that she needs help & I'm sure she can find one. A year is quiet long for her to suffer.:NoNo: Hope she keeps a diary of how she was treated or some evidence.
Hope she can find help about this matter.

[grahamw48]

We had to attend that back in 1991. :)

[Maria B]

@ rrr....I have no experience on this but you do sound concern for your friend. If you really think she is in distress with her husband you can probably advise her to save up her salary so she can stabilise herself in philippines in case they have divorce.Like maybe put a little business their. Your friend sound very hard working so she handle this. As for yourself weigh the pros and cons of the situation before you commit yourself into anything.

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[GaryCambs]

Filipina's are very emotional if they had a very bad trauma. She is lucky to have a concerned friend (boyfriend) like you. Year 2008, Filipino fiancées and spouses of foreign citizens who are leaving the country are required to attend the Commission on Filipinos Overseas (CFO) guidance and counseling programs in order to secure the Guidance and Counseling Certificate (GCC) and the CFO sticker. This Pre-Departure Orientation Seminar (P.D.O.S) is a pre-requisite to the issuance of passports. THIS PROGRAM HELPS Filipino fiancées and spouses of foreign nationals make informed decisions regarding their marriage to foreign nationals and to prepare them for their adjustments in cross-cultural marriages. The two-hour seminar include topics about migration laws, welfare and support services available in their country of destination, their rights overseas; and tips on how to cope up if in case there’ll be problematic or difficult domestic situations.
WE are given books, leaflets of website where to contact if in case we encountered things like that of what u mentioned. TALK to her about this. She may contact the helpful filipino links from the list, she can find a lot of filipinos who are a member of a Filipino community where she can find help like solicitors & advisers.
It's hard to judge her as I've seen the unbelievable true to life stories from the seminar of how Filipina wives are being treated. It's scary and distressful. There's one wife who was treated like a prisoner and a sex slave & a lot of stories never been told in the public.
If she is unhappy, she should give any close Filipina friend a shout that she needs help & I'm sure she can find one. A year is quiet long for her to suffer.:NoNo: Hope she keeps a diary of how she was treated or some evidence.
Hope she can find help about this matter.

Update. It seems I have opened rather a diverse can of worms here. I thank you all for your comments but especially those who do not instantly draw the conclusion that I am some ''rouge'' trying to steal another mans wife, or that the lady is simply ''playing'' the field. Having spent a little time exploring this very imformative site (where the immediate assumption is that if an English guy has any form of communication with a Filipino girl it is for relationship purpose or marriage) I can fully understand the comments from members suggesting this.But I have to tell you this is not the case in this situation. Remember I met the lady in question socially (not via any dating website or format). At the time I met her I was totally unaware of her situation,.. so yes then I could have considered a possible relationship. Under the present circumstances there is no intention of any form of relationship from either side other than concerned friendship. So I am not attempting to steal another mans wife nor Is the lady attempting to ''hustle'' me in some way,as has been suggested. The lady came to the uk having been convinced by the promises of her now husband of a better life for her and her children. What she has told me is the truth and she has evidence of police intervention ( the first only four days after her marriage). Untill very recently (when she started attending the local catholic church and met other filipino people) she had been kept a virtual prisoner due to her lack of knowledge of the uk and our procedures. She has to work very long hours to support herself and her two children with no finacial aid from her ''husband''. He only provides her with a place to live in return (now) for domestic services. Previously (and I do not know how to phrase this) it had been suggested that ''other sexually related services'' would be expected. Not with her husband however but with the husbands grown son who only four days after her ''marriage'' attempted to contrive her into a physical relationship with him.
This threat has however been removed.
She has proof that whilst refusing to give her and her children any financial support, her ''husband'' is sending money to three other females from the Filipenes that he contacted via one of the many websites.
He openly chats to these females in her presence via yahoo and seems to obtain some sort of weird pleasure from the distress he causes her by doing this. He constantly threatens her both physically and emotionally in an attempt to control her. The latest threat being that if she does not continue to comply he will issue divorce proceedings against her ( not sure wht grounds he could use though) and instantly get the home office to deport her and her two children whilst he visits one of his new ladies in the filipenes to persue marriage to her. Her only wish at the moment is to be able to remain in the uk for the sake of her childrens future and it seem she is prepared to undergo any unhappiness herself to achive this (she is afraid to take any actual legal action against her husband for fear she will not be belived) as the alternative is for her and her children to be sent back to the filipenes, where she has nothing. She even sold belongings, clothes, etc two days prior to her departure from the filipenes to help raise money to assist her husband with costs. I am very concerned for her and as a British citizen ( just a normal guy, not some devious rouge) I am ashamed that such a situation exists in the Uk today. I have told her to seek help from the C A B but she has no confidence to do anything as her ''husband'' has convinced her that most of what she tells them would be ignored as she is simply a Filipino wife, a foreigner, who's accusations against him as a uk citizen would be ignored. I wonder how many other innocent Women from the filipenes are undergoing simialr circumstances maybe many . Surley there is some means for her to escape this without the risk of being deported. I await further insight. Thank you

[Tawi2]

The latest threat being that if she does not continue to comply he will issue divorce proceedings against her ( not sure wht grounds he could use though) and instantly get the home office to deport her and her two children whilst he visits one of his new ladies in the filipenes to persue marriage to her.
Can I ask how old you are(scratch that,I just saw your 46 years old,ever been married before?)?:Erm:
Ever thought your just being spun a line?I know for a fact just how manipulative some pinays are and how gullible some western guys are who arent exactly worldly-wise,not saying this is you but that last post seemed a little innocent :Erm:

her ''husband'' has convinced her that most of what she tells them would be ignored as she is simply a Filipino wife, a foreigner, who's accusations against him as a uk citizen would be ignored.
Never buy these tear-jerky stories unless their is proof-positive,it reads like a pinoy tele-novela,sorry for my cynicism.

[grahamw48]

The answer is quite simple.

Give her the telephone number of social services and the local 'battered' wives shelter.

Obviously if the lady IS being used and abused I have every sympathy with her, but there are plenty of agencies who will be able to help.

[Tawi2]

While talking the other evening she told me that the filipino way was for me to ask her to be my girlfriend. I did and she accepted.

Under the present circumstances there is no intention of any form of relationship from either side other than concerned friendship
So which is it :Erm:

[Maria B]

Update. I wonder how many other innocent Women from the filipenes are undergoing simialr circumstances maybe many . Surley there is some means for her to escape this without the risk of being deported. I await further insight. Thank you

There are a lot of Filipina naive victims everywhere in the world GaryCrambs. I even have one friend now who's married for 7 years and yet despite of all the abuse, she still loves him & very loyal to him. What can I do?

In your friend's case...hope she can talk to her filipino friends from the church about it.
I still have here my "Handbook for Filipino Spouses and other partners of British Nationals". It's all about settling in the uk, rights, all forms of domestic abuse, etc....

Please give this link to her:

Support Network in the United Kingdom
London:
Hammersmith Office
St. Albans Church Community Centre
2 Margravine Road, London WV6 8HJ
Tel No: (020) 7381-2600
Fax No: (020) 7381-2484
email: cf@clara.net

Centre for Filipinos
Camden Office
59 Chalton Street, London NW1 1HY
Tel No: (020) 7388-5845
Fax No: (020) 7383-7520
email: cfcamden@homechoice.co.uk

anything else, let her talk to the Phil Embassy. For sure they can assist her to any links about her status.

Philippine Embassy London
6-8 Suffolk Street
London SW1Y 4HG
020 7451 1780
mailto:embassy@philemb.co.uk

9.00am - 1.00pm and 2.00pm - 5.00pm
Monday thru Friday, except Philippine and UK holidays.

Assistance to Nationals
020 7451 1826
atnlondonpe@philemb.co.uk

Somebody refered to me a Filipina Solicitor in London, I just can't retrieve it thru my emails. But if I find it, I will let u know.

Hope this helps. Wish her all the best & luck :Wave:

[GaryCambs]

Can I ask how old you are(scratch that,I just saw your 46 years old,ever been married before?)?:Erm:
Ever thought your just being spun a line?I know for a fact just how manipulative some pinays are and how gullible some western guys are who arent exactly worldly-wise,not saying this is you but that last post seemed a little innocent :Erm:

Never buy these tear-jerky stories unless their is proof-positive,it reads like a pinoy tele-novela,sorry for my cynicism.

Yes I realise it sounds like somethig you would view on a tv soap but Fact is that it is the truth. I f you read all of my postings you will see that the basis of what she is saying has been confirmed by mutual friends and that i have seen copies of the police statements she has made (and i do know what one looks like) together with a letter from her husband promising to amend his ways following seperation just 12 weeks after their marriage. And in the event she is spinning a line as you say why? what would she have to gain from me there is no relationship between us ! And yes I have been married before twice and not a sucker for a sob story. This is genuine . I tried to keep the posting as simple as possible perhaps that is why it seems ''innocent'' The reality is not so simple very complicated in fact and if it were some sort of story for sympathy or whatever it is one hell of an elobarate situation for a person to contrive

[Tawi2]

The reality is not so simple very complicated in fact and if it were some sort of story for sympathy or whatever it is one hell of an elobarate situation for a person to contrive
You think THATS elaborate :rolleyes: Read Mickcants story,now HIS is elaborate!

what would she have to gain from me there is no relationship between us
Didnt you ask to be her boyfriend?:Erm:

[GaryCambs]

So which is it :Erm:

To confirm the situation with regard to the ''girlfriend'' . I met the lady having been invited to a party hosted by a male, english, friend and his filipino wife. We chatted, seemed to get along so I asked her if she would like to meet for coffee sometime. We met a couple of times during the second meet I asked her if she would consider going on an actual date with me for dinner (remember at this time I knew nothing of her situation she had only spoken of her children and work etc) . She then light heartedly said that if she were to go on a date with me it was the filipino way for me to ask her to be my girlfriend. So laughingly I said ''ok will you be my girlfriend'' . It was then that she explained to me that she could not and went on to disclose her situation. Since then , yes we have met , but only as friends (used in the english terminology) . But mostly spoken over the phone were more and more of her obscure situation has been revealed. Does that clarify. ??

[Tawi2]

Yes it does clarify,you shed more light on this time than your title "I have a philippine girlfriend" and
was for me to ask her to be my girlfriend. I did and she accepted.
It was then that she explained to me that she could not??? Neither of which sounded jokey or lighthearted,my apologies but I guess time has hardened or innured me to these sort of tales as they all roll into one and seem similar,good luck in whatever you decide to do :)

[GaryCambs]

You think THATS elaborate :rolleyes: Read Mickcants story,now HIS is elaborate!

Didnt you ask to be her boyfriend?:Erm:



I Belive I have read some of mickCants story within the forums. But in his situation his fiance or whatever she was,, used the tale to extract money. This lady (lets give her a name to simplify postings, we will call here Ann )has not asked me for anything other than advice and help, if I am able to give it , so that she may gain the courage to extract herself and her children from a very distructive situation. She does now have a job working in a nursing home so would be able to support herself and children.
I am as positive this is is not a fabricated story. If we were talking of an English girl in the same situation would you then say it is a story fabricated for gain I doubt it.
She simply does not know what to do......her priority is to her children and their future which would be far better here in the uk. Yes I have of course suggested various agencies who would be able to help her. She is so afraid however that if she approaches any organisation it will result in her deportation. As she said to me the other day '' I would only do something to help myself if I could be 100% sure that I would still be able to get leave to remain visa and give my children a future here in the uk''.
Yet she does not know how to get the clarification she needs. I ask you guys on here who are married to filipino ladies in the same circumstanceswould you wife have known what to do after only just over a year in the uk 9 months of which she had been totally isolated. Ann did not even know how to apply for a credit card. !!

[GaryCambs]

The Lady (Ann) has more than adequate reasons to obtain a divorce under uk law. Easily domestic abuse maybe even dometic violence and sexuall harrasment.
Thats not the problem. The problem is what happens to her after the divorce. She wants to avoid deportation back to poverty in the fifilopenes for the sake of her children.

[grahamw48]

So, she is more interested in not being deported, than in the welfare of herself and her children ? :Erm:

'Economic gain'. Can't see that going down well with the UKBA.

There are millions in that queue....many currently starving to death.

[Jimbojac]

I think you have analysed this situation well Gary, i first read this thread a while ago and thought you may have been taken in a bit by this woman but it seems that she maybe very genuine in her plight here.
There are many " sick" individuals out there that seek to control and physcologically torture others and this woman could be a victim of one of these twisted individuals.
Help her as a friend and good things could come about from your friendship, most Filipina women are " good " people and it is perhaps fortunate for you that she chooses you to help her, maybe she sees in you something caring and is attracted to that?
Good luck and best wishes.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[GaryCambs]

Graham How can a mother, who is prepared to take at least emotional abuse maybe even physical, in order to give her children a better life be classified as doing it for economic gain ???. Ann came to the uk in good faith having been duped by the promises of her ''husband'' that he loved her, would care for her and her children etc. She sold everything she had in the filipenes and has nothing other than poverty to return to. Instead of the love and care promised just weeks after her marriage she is subjected to sexual harrasment from her husbands older son, with the knowledge even encouragement of her ,husband discovers her husband has a uk girlfriend, has to sit by while he has online flirtations via chat with three other women still in the uk (proven fact) Takes emotional abuse and untill very recently (when she joined the local catholic church and met other filipinos) was isolated from anything or anyone her husband did not want her to see. Ann now works very hard sometimes long and even double shifts in a nursing home to support herself and her children she would ask nothing of the state (unlike the many scroungers of our own nationality) . Her choices seem to be
1) Be willing to submit to being introduced to her husbands mistriss, watch him chat and send money to online girlfriends in the filopines, provide housekeeping services , , accept the occasional bout of temper and emotional abuse from her husband, live in fear of visits from her husbands son.
If she accepts this she and her children can stay in the uk.
If she does not comply she, and more importantly to her, her children, get deported back to nothing abject poverty.
The world has gone mad if a mother wanting what is best for her childrens future can be called Economic gain. !!!!!!!

[GaryCambs]

Thank you It is good to see that some people on this forum can relate to the topic how it actually is instead of always reading dark motives into the situation. At this moment in time I have no regard to wether or not '' good things may come about of our friendship'' ok as they say we never know what the future holds but the priority now is how I can help her ?? not for any gain or reason other than being a caring individual who has stumbled across a situation that is so unjust. I do not know HOW to help her. She obviously wants to extract herself from the distructive situation, has more than enough grounds for divorce, and can support herself and children. However she is in fear that if she takes any form of legal action it will result in her deportation and as a result will not do so unless she can be 100% sure this will not happen. She has asked me how to find out if she could seperate from her husband and divorce yet still be 100% sure she will be granted her ilr visa. If any one can supply the answer I would be very gratefull. Thanks:

[Steve.r]

However she is in fear that if she takes any form of legal action it will result in her deportation and as a result will not do so unless she can be 100% sure this will not happen. She has asked me how to find out if she could seperate from her husband and divorce yet still be 100% sure she will be granted her ilr visa.

Appears that you have had plenty of advice already, she is not willing to help herself. She is worried that she might not get her ILR, I call that a little selfish to be honest, and will be seen as 'economic gain' by the UKBA. If i was in that situation I would take myself back home to a place and people who know and love me. The family support from home will be far better than her being here under threat of abuse, yet she does nothing to help herself.
You are getting tangled up in a web of stories and trying to help, but you are going round in circles.
A sad situation for sure, but what will she do... nothing??? , who will support her? I guess you and me will through our tax £'s ... is that fair :Erm:

[Terpe]

.... I do not know HOW to help her. She obviously wants to extract herself from the distructive situation, has more than enough grounds for divorce, and can support herself and children. However she is in fear that if she takes any form of legal action it will result in her deportation and as a result will not do so unless she can be 100% sure this will not happen. She has asked me how to find out if she could seperate from her husband and divorce yet still be 100% sure she will be granted her ilr visa. If any one can supply the answer I would be very gratefull. Thanks:

GaryCambs, firstly she must understand that there is not a 100% sure way to a any kind of visa.
Now, if you want to help her we must establish some simple facts and move forward step by step within the framework of immigration rules, British Law and EU law. Someone is going to have to provide financial support also.

1. Are you prepared to fund the needed actions? or Can she support?
2. What is her current visa status? I am guessing she has FLR and will be applying for ILR at her next step right?
3. How long has she been LIVING IN UK with FLR status? What exact date did her FLR begin? and What exact date does her FLR expire?
4. Did she already pass the Life In UK test?
5. Is she working?

Be informed that English divorce law is not quite as simple as you may think. If you have some interest do some research. There are only five valid reasons.

Always solutions when step by step.

[GaryCambs]

Thanks for your reply Terpe.

Ann came to uk with fiance visa december 2009. Now has spouse visa, is that F L R?
She tells me she can apply for ILR april/may 2012 I think her present visa expire june 2012. Both her and her daughter (18 in december) study for life in uk test and will take soon. She als has son age 10. I have some knowledge of uk divorce law having been through a long hurtfull divorce battle myself.

[GaryCambs]

Steve Ann as a job she can support herself.
She has nothig left in the filllopenes to return to a

[Steve.r]

She has nothig left in the filllopenes to return to I understand that is how she feels, as she told you she has 'nothing' in Phils, but she 'has' family and support there... it seems she has nothing here.

[grahamw48]

I agree Steve.

The OP should really leave the young lady's newly-found Filipino friends/community to help and advise her.

I'm sorry to say Gary, but at present you are obviously quite naive in the matters being discussed, and in particular about the Philippines and its culture.

Unless you do some serious research (most of what you need to know is available on here, should you decide to do a simple search), then you are likely to do more harm than good. :NoNo:

[Maria B]

I am pretty much confusd. Maybe someone could answer some simpple questions for me.
1) Could the lady in question divorce her husband now after being married just over a year.?
2) if she did what would happen to her. She claims she does have alternative accomodation, she has a fulltime job and can support her children, She says if she divorces before her permenant visa her and her children get sent home. Is this true. ??

Garycrambs,
in your no.1 yes she can divorce her husband
in your no. 2 because she had children, she may contact the council with regards to accomodation. Also if she seeks proper legal advise & alligations are true & that she was brought here in marriage under false pretenses, u will find under the legal representative here will give her the right to remain.

***in #86, hope u got all the links & numbers for her to contact.

:Wave:

[Tawi2]

she had been kept a virtual prisoner
But was able to attend at least one party and a few dates with you :Erm: who looked after the children while she was socialising:Erm: