Englishman2010
30th June 2011, 17:14
Ivan the Russian and Ole the Norwegian wrestlers were set to square off for
the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling
coach came to Ole and said, "Whatever you do, do not let him get you in his
pretzel hold! If he does, you're finished'. Ole nodded in acknowledgment.
As the match started, Ole and the Ivan circled each other several times,
looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward,
grabbing Ole and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the coach buried his face
in his hands, for he knew all was lost.. He couldn't watch the inevitable
happen.
Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the coach
raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air.
His back hit the mat with a thud and Ole collapsed on top of him making the
pin and winning the match. The crowd went crazy. The coach was astounded.
When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out
of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
Ole answered, "Vell, I vas ready to give up ven he got me in dat hold, but
at da last moment, I opened my eyes and saw dis pair of testicles right in
front of my face...I had nuttin' to lose so wid my last ounce of strength I
stretched out my neck and bit dose babies just as hard as I could."
So, the trainer exclaimed, "That's what finished him off!"
"Vel, not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get ven you bite your own
nuts!"
*****************************************************
Last week was my birthday and I didn't
> feel very well waking up on that morning.
>
> I went downstairs for breakfast
> hoping my husband would be pleasant and say,
> 'Happy Birthday!',
> and possibly have a small present for me.
>
> As it turned out,
> he barely said good morning,
> let alone
> ' Happy Birthday.'
>
> I thought....
>
> Well, that's marriage for you,
> but the kids....
> They will remember..
>
> My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
> and didn't say a word..
> So when I left for the office,
> I felt pretty low
> and somewhat despondent.
>
> As I walked into my office,
> my handsome Boss Rick, said,
> 'Good Morning, lady,
> and by the way
> Happy Birthday ! '
> It felt a little better
> that at least someone had remembered.
>
> I worked until one o'clock ,
> when Rick knocked on my door
> and said, 'You know,
> It's such a beautiful day outside,
> and it is your Birthday,
> what do you say we go out to lunch,
> just you and me..'
> I said, 'Thanks, Rick,
> that's the greatest thing
> I've heard all day.
> Let's go!'
>
> We went to lunch.
> But we didn't go
> where we normally would go.
> He chose instead a quiet bistro
> with a private table.
> We had two martinis each
> and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
>
> On the way back to the office,
> Rick said, 'You know,
> It's such a beautiful day...
> We don't need to go straight back to the office,
> Do We?'
>
> I responded,
> 'I guess not.
> What do you have in mind?'
> He said,
> 'Let's drop by my place,
> it's just around the corner.'
>
> After arriving at his house,
> Rick turned to me and said,
> If you don't mind,
> I'm going to step into the bedroom
> for just a moment.
> I'll be right back.'
> 'Ok..' I nervously replied.
>
> He went into the bedroom and,
> after a couple of minutes,
> he came out
> carrying a huge birthday cake ....
> Followed
> by my husband
> my kids,
> and dozens of my friends
> and co-workers,
> all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
>
> And I just sat there....
>
> On the couch....
>
>
>
> Naked.
the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling
coach came to Ole and said, "Whatever you do, do not let him get you in his
pretzel hold! If he does, you're finished'. Ole nodded in acknowledgment.
As the match started, Ole and the Ivan circled each other several times,
looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward,
grabbing Ole and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the coach buried his face
in his hands, for he knew all was lost.. He couldn't watch the inevitable
happen.
Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the coach
raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air.
His back hit the mat with a thud and Ole collapsed on top of him making the
pin and winning the match. The crowd went crazy. The coach was astounded.
When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out
of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
Ole answered, "Vell, I vas ready to give up ven he got me in dat hold, but
at da last moment, I opened my eyes and saw dis pair of testicles right in
front of my face...I had nuttin' to lose so wid my last ounce of strength I
stretched out my neck and bit dose babies just as hard as I could."
So, the trainer exclaimed, "That's what finished him off!"
"Vel, not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get ven you bite your own
nuts!"
*****************************************************
Last week was my birthday and I didn't
> feel very well waking up on that morning.
>
> I went downstairs for breakfast
> hoping my husband would be pleasant and say,
> 'Happy Birthday!',
> and possibly have a small present for me.
>
> As it turned out,
> he barely said good morning,
> let alone
> ' Happy Birthday.'
>
> I thought....
>
> Well, that's marriage for you,
> but the kids....
> They will remember..
>
> My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
> and didn't say a word..
> So when I left for the office,
> I felt pretty low
> and somewhat despondent.
>
> As I walked into my office,
> my handsome Boss Rick, said,
> 'Good Morning, lady,
> and by the way
> Happy Birthday ! '
> It felt a little better
> that at least someone had remembered.
>
> I worked until one o'clock ,
> when Rick knocked on my door
> and said, 'You know,
> It's such a beautiful day outside,
> and it is your Birthday,
> what do you say we go out to lunch,
> just you and me..'
> I said, 'Thanks, Rick,
> that's the greatest thing
> I've heard all day.
> Let's go!'
>
> We went to lunch.
> But we didn't go
> where we normally would go.
> He chose instead a quiet bistro
> with a private table.
> We had two martinis each
> and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
>
> On the way back to the office,
> Rick said, 'You know,
> It's such a beautiful day...
> We don't need to go straight back to the office,
> Do We?'
>
> I responded,
> 'I guess not.
> What do you have in mind?'
> He said,
> 'Let's drop by my place,
> it's just around the corner.'
>
> After arriving at his house,
> Rick turned to me and said,
> If you don't mind,
> I'm going to step into the bedroom
> for just a moment.
> I'll be right back.'
> 'Ok..' I nervously replied.
>
> He went into the bedroom and,
> after a couple of minutes,
> he came out
> carrying a huge birthday cake ....
> Followed
> by my husband
> my kids,
> and dozens of my friends
> and co-workers,
> all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
>
> And I just sat there....
>
> On the couch....
>
>
>
> Naked.