Is it proper or not?

[aprilmaejon]

Hi guys, especially to all British man who are married to Filipinas. I just want to ask if a wife for you here in the UK have the right to access to their husband's social network account like Facebook? Or phone messages?... I want to understand about it...if it is proper or not...because as far as I know, a good marriage shares and open everything...please give me your views about this.

[grahamw48]

For me trust is everything in a marriage, so yes, personally I'd be happy to share facebook, messages etc.

My fiancee has full access to my FB, and is also a member on here...though she doesn't post.

I have nothing to hide, and I don't think she has either. :)

[Rosie1958]

April ....... I am a British woman living in UK and I wouldn't dream of accessing any of my partner's accounts, emails, cell/ mobile phone messages or anything else. Each of us is entitled to a bit of privacy, whether married or not and I respect that. I would add that we both also totally trust one another and are not facebook users anyway.

[tone]

Occasionally my mahal wants to look around my messages, she starts off joking but I feel a seriousness to the question so I let her have a nose.
I got nothing in there to hide anyway...

[Steve.r]

If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to worry about. But, in no way is it god given right for anyone to 'expect' that of anyone, married or not. Just because you are in the uk, morality and privacy remain the same.

[Dedworth]

Facebook and other so called "social networking" sites are the cause of many problems the reason why I have nothing to do with them - that's aside from not wanting Mr Mark Finkleberg or whoever to use my data

[fred]

no.
its not proper unless you are a proper plonker and under the thumb to boot.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[hawk]

i have my fiancee password and she has mine 4 facebook mail we have nothing to hide so trust is everything if you have no trust you will never have a good relationship

[BoholoX]

At our pre-marriage seminar for a church wedding (not the DSWD one)(conducted by the nuns in Visayan so I understood about 5% :icon_lol:) three things stuck out for me

1) the wife has full rights to the husbands pay, overtime and commission
2) the wife should have full access to the husbands phone to check txts and calls (not sure they've heard of email yet)
3) the contraceptive pill WILL give you cancer

And of course if the church teaches this then it must be right. My asawa never has load so uses my phone anyway but there's nothing to hide.

[aprilmaejon]

I am confuse....I want our relationship to be open...I have opened everything from him...he knows my social network account...but he don't want me to know his and he put a lock on his phone messages which I already accessed before and there was no problem until now that it has a password. I feel restricted...I believe that he have nothing to hide but I will feel relieved if he can share it to me or open it. If he has nothing to hide, why lock it?

[juvyjones28]

When I was in UK, I go check my husband's phone once in a while coz' I go paranoid that he has someone else, fortunately I had nothing to worry about. I realized I should give him a bit of privacy even then we're married now. And when I am suspicious for something I just talk to him and let him know the things that bothers me. respect and trust is very important factor in a marriage/relationship.

[aprilmaejon]

"other half" mean to me that you have to share and be open...trust is also the name of an ingredient...but how could I trust him if he even put lock on his messages? Meaning he's hiding something from me....I can't feel that I am the other half but just a partner....

[juvyjones28]

"other half" mean to me that you have to share and be open...trust is also the name of an ingredient...but how could I trust him if he even put lock on his messages? Meaning he's hiding something from me....I can't feel that I am the other half but just a partner....

I know how you feel. Try to talk to him, tell him the things that bothers you. Guys could be like that.

Make a tampo mode and i'm sure he would ask you whats wrong? then tell him everything (not sure if its a good suggestion:Erm:)

[aprilmaejon]

Thanks to all of your views guys...we've talked about it last night and he told me his reason...he said he don't want me to read over his messages or acting like a suspicious girlfriend....but the more he have lock it, the more that I feel so aweful now. :-)

[aprilmaejon]

:-(

[malditako]

as in our case..we both have access to our fb's and phones but am not bother to check it or him to mine rather than our bank account lol.
well seriously speaking if u both feel secured about each other checking fb's phones emails are becoming nonsense and not an issue at all. I do believe in marriage a little privacy wont do any harm. Each of us needs own space somehow.

[lastlid]

When we got married, the reverend said for a successful marriage, that there should be no secrets between us and that we should think as one.....

[aprilmaejon]

Lastlid, I would really agree with that...no secrets to hide...share and open everything that's why I feel so bad now that my partner doesn't share or open that to me....

[scottishbride]

Trust plays important part of marriage.. My husband and I share everything.. mobile, facebook, email even his bank accounts.. :icon_lol: Though he has given me access to everything I never take advantage on it.

[Moy]

Hi guys, especially to all British man who are married to Filipinas. I just want to ask if a wife for you here in the UK have the right to access to their husband's social network account like Facebook? Or phone messages?... I want to understand about it...if it is proper or not...because as far as I know, a good marriage shares and open everything...please give me your views about this.

you are just a human..we have differences and if you are happy to do that same as your husband is comfortable then i cant see any problem with that at all..:):xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Steve.r]

The easiest way to make him protect his private space even more is to become paranoid about it.

What if he is planning a special weekend away or a surprise present or flowers....???? When a guy is tring to be romantic or do something special for his lady, there is nothing worse than a snooping partner to spoil the whole atmosphere of what he is doing.

He brought you here to the Uk, he loves you, you love him...... just leave it!!:doh

[Moy]

we can only be a human in such a way..am afraid its how we handle and control over the emotion:omg::doh:doh

[aprilmaejon]

Sigh....
Anyway, thank you for all of your views guys...appreciated it a lot. Many many many thanks...

[lastlid]

Lastlid, I would really agree with that...no secrets to hide...share and open everything that's why I feel so bad now that my partner doesn't share or open that to me....

Except for christmas and birthdays of course.....:D

[aim_angel]

TRUST is the foundation of every relationship..

let me ask you... do you trust him? why do you have/need to check his phone and messages?

but if you have any doubt about his feelings for you or you feel like he's hiding something from you , then talk to him again.. don't give yourself headaches!
or better yet, lock your phone too! :icon_lol:

[aprilmaejon]

Yes I trust him...but now that he lock it, I don't think so. I was happy to think that everything was open last time until now that there's already a restriction.
It's not that I want to check like me having a suspicion, it's all about him trusting me in a way of letting me open it even though it's not necessary....just like you guys, everything are open...you trusted your partner and allowed them to have an access...no restriction...and your partners are happy with that and there is trust to both sides.

[fred]

When we got married, the reverend said for a successful marriage, that there should be no secrets between us and that we should think as one.....


Which means you dont trust him....right? You cant have it both ways..unless you married the priest?
Damn...What is it with women?:doh
Some stuff can remain private .. or would that mean hes having an affair?...

[Whoosh]

No way would I let my wife/gf/SO have this amount of access. nor would I expect it of her.

Besides if i wanted to cheat I would be a damm site more clever than to use my normal modes of communication

Sounds like its a doomed relationship to me - the more you insist the more he will feel he is being accused and you will just drive him away

Whoosh

[Dedworth]

Make a tampo mode and i'm sure he would ask you whats wrong? then tell him everything (not sure if its a good suggestion:Erm:)

I'd say it's not a nice suggestion - if he's not had a taste of tampo before he might react unpleasantly. IMHO Tampo is a very infantile attitude

[lastlid]

IMHO Tampo is a very infantile attitude Yes, when my wife uses it, it is like she has gone back to being a 14 year old.....:icon_lol:

[lastlid]

Which means you dont trust him....right? You cant have it both ways..unless you married the priest?
Damn...What is it with women?:doh
Some stuff can remain private .. or would that mean hes having an affair?...

I'll pass that message on to my wife...:icon_lol:

[Terpe]

To a cetain degree every couple makes their own 'rules'. We are all different.

I believe in an open, loving, faithful relationship where honesty and trust are the most highly prized attributes.

Neither of us has any secrets to hide.

We both need and enjoy our 'own-space' from time to time, and it has nothing to do with trying to hide something.
Everyone is entitled to have privacy, those private feelings and private thoughts we all have. Being in a relationship or being married does not mean we lose that entitlement.

Neither of us has anything to hide on our phones or our computers etc, but we trust each other. That's it.

I would be more than a bit miffed if, without asking, my wife started prying, snooping and invading my privacy. That is so much more than just whacky behaviour.It's almost neurotic.
To my mind that would be a complete lack of respect, honesty and trust.

So where would that put the relationship.

[Steve.r]

paRANOiD bEhaVIOR :crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::doh

CAN ONLY END IN TEARS:bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry:

[juvyjones28]

I'd say it's not a nice suggestion - if he's not had a taste of tampo before he might react unpleasantly. IMHO Tampo is a very infantile attitude

:icon_sorry::cwm3:

[fred]

I'll pass that message on to my wife...:icon_lol:

I passed it on to mine 9 years ago...
I dont think it worked altogether..
Its one of those things that you have to live with during marriage..Take it or leave it in my experiience..25 years and going good.....So far.

[lastlid]

I passed it on to mine 9 years ago...
I dont think it worked altogether..
Its one of those things that you have to live with during marriage..Take it or leave it in my experiience..25 years and going good.....So far.


I tend to think the whole thing is a bit chicken and egg, if you see what I mean. :D

Trust needs to be earned. And I think if one of a couple tends to hide things a little then there is surely genuine grounds for suspicion by the other. I think it is only natural for April to be a little suspicious, under the circumstances.

My wife checks my phone, for example, periodically and I don't mind as I have nothing to hide. And it shows she cares. It can prove a little difficult if there is something I want to keep from her (birthday present etc) but I have to work around that. She uses my phone at will anyway and I certainly don't lock it or keep it hidden away or permanently in my pocket. If I refused her access I know it would p1ss her off and I wouldn't want to do that.

[tone]

I think the point Steve made was ample to show what you may mean to your husband, if he can go through all that effort to bring you to the UK you should remain trustworthy and in his love.
The surefire way to corrupt a relationship is to introduce elements like paranoia, listening to people who have no real bearing on your relationship and worrying about things like this.
As said by Terpe we are all different and the rules are created as we go along, unless you really think there is another woman involved you should just live your life and enjoy the time you have worked hard to make.

I would say the tighter a woman squeezes a man (and vice versa) the more likely you are to slip out of eachother grasp. I've seen this a few times, focus on what makes you happy and think about the good times you have had together and look to the future for more of the same.

It doesnt really matter what one keep on his phone - Rina never see's my work phone only because the stuff on it is boring, but of a sensative nature she never asks to see the contents anyway.

Move on and stop being upset with what isn't is my advice otherwise you will be on the slippery slope to divorce - I hate to utter those words but its the reality every little "where are you, what are you doing" will erode the relationship I'm afraid..

Tone

[aprilmaejon]

Okay guys...in conclusion...every individual has its own perception about this...one guy would say it is fine and one guy would also say it's not...phew! I think differently...others think differently as well. Sigh....okay okay okay...thanks for all your views guys, for those who think its okay, I am still on that shoes...for those who don't...I respect your views. Thank you.

[fred]

I tend to think the whole thing is a bit chicken and egg, if you see what I mean.

Trust needs to be earned. And I think if one of a couple tends to hide things a little then there is surely genuine grounds for suspicion by the other. I think it is only natural for the April to be suspicious under the circumstances.


Women..Certainly Filipino women will normally think up grounds for suspicion whether you like it or deserve it or not based on there menstruation dates.
Some may disagree..

[lastlid]

The surefire way to corrupt a relationship is to introduce elements like paranoia, listening to people who have no real bearing on your relationship and worrying about things like this.


Tone has a valid point too. A balanced judgement call needs to be made.

[lastlid]

Women..Certainly Filipino women will normally think up grounds for suspicion whether you like it or deserve it or not based on there menstruation dates.
Some may disagree..

Some may disagree, depending on the day of the month. :icon_lol:

[fred]

Now we are on the same page..;)
Regards..
Fred

[aprilmaejon]

How can I not be upset if for once I was able to access it with no problem then suddenly he locked it? How could I say that he's not hiding something?...if there's nothing in there to worry about, why would restrict your partner from that? If you guys are on my shoes, how would you feel if once it was fine to have an access with the account, then on the following day it changes because everything is lock?...then your partner is keeping her phones away from you?...would not be an insult? Will You bot think and asked Why? Would you not feel like a virus being blocked by a firewall?....

[fred]

How can I not be upset if for once I was able to access it with no problem then suddenly he locked it? How could I say that he's not hiding something?...if there's nothing in there to worry about, why would restrict your partner from that? If you guys are on my shoes, how would you feel if once it was fine to have an access with the account, then on the following day it changes because everything is lock?...then your partner is keeping her phones away from you?...would not be an insult? Will You bot think and asked Why? Would you not feel like a virus being blocked by a firewall?....

Thats why I lock my accounts and she locks hers! If we trust each other,as we should then that should be fine! Anything else is mistrust and tismis imo...bahala ka..

[aprilmaejon]

Okay fred...that is in your case...others are still open...

[aim_angel]

How can I not be upset if for once I was able to access it with no problem then suddenly he locked it? How could I say that he's not hiding something?...if there's nothing in there to worry about, why would restrict your partner from that? If you guys are on my shoes, how would you feel if once it was fine to have an access with the account, then on the following day it changes because everything is lock?...then your partner is keeping her phones away from you?...would not be an insult? Will You bot think and asked Why? Would you not feel like a virus being blocked by a firewall?....

maybe he didn't mean to insult you or he's not hiding anything from you but MAYBE he just doesn't want you to play the role of being an investigator:NoNo: you said you trust him so why keep checking on him? let him move and do what he wants sometimes as long as you still feel and he's showing you how much you mean to him.

Jealousy and paranoia don't do any good in any relationship. Don't let him touch your phone and don't let him use your facebook or any account you have so you wouldn't feel its unfair on your part. If you continue doing that, you will just push him away :-(

I hope you feel better soon :).

[grahamw48]

6128

[fred]

Look aprilmaejon ..You either trust him or you dont.. If you dont then there lies the problem..One way or the other it needs to be resolved di ba?
Just be straight with him and see what he says..
Tell us what you feel after that conversation if you wish..

[grahamw48]

CHANGING what was previously accessible does seem a bit questionable to me. :Erm:

[lastlid]

Now we are on the same page..;)
Regards..
Fred

Joking aside, I do sympathise with April, especially as he has taken a retrograde step.....

[Steve.r]

Maybe he is seeing someone else :doh

Maybe he has ordered a surprise bunch of flowers :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Maybe he is having cyber sex :Sex:

Maybe he has located that special pair of shoes you were looking for :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Suspician is a killer.......

Maybe he locked his phone because he doesn't want his info stolen if he loses his phone..... there are a million reasons why..... dont go looking for trouble..... or it will find YOU!!!

[grahamw48]

I think this thread demonstrates the perils of discussing one's personal issues online. :NoNo:

[lastlid]

I think this thread demonstrates the perils of discussing one's personal issues online. :NoNo:

Agreed, as we don't know the full story.

[Steve.r]

I am very tongue in cheek, I just think there is no reason to mis-trust. Years ago I was going out with a woman who needed to know 'everything' it became hard work having to explain where , when, how, why all the time. I dumped her!

[grahamw48]

I discovered my ex was cheating after having her emails to her sister translated (I had her password).

That's why I feel a bit 'iffy' about the subject. :cwm3:

[stevewool]

whats mine is ems, i have nothing to hide and i hope ems dont have either, face book or sad book as i call it, if you dont want people to read it dont post it i say

[Terpe]

I discovered my ex was cheating after having her emails to her sister translated (I had her password).

That's why I feel a bit 'iffy' about the subject. :cwm3:

Graham, did you already have strong suspicions?

PS: you don't need to answer, just curious.

If I'm totally honest I may do some snooping if I felt strong grounds. But not on a regular basis.

[Moy]

Damn...What is it with women?

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.:yikes::icon_lol:

[grahamw48]

I wasn't specifically looking for THAT email.

It was the question about the 'new B/F' referred to in the email from her sister that alerted me. Means much the same in any language. :rolleyes:

I'd had doubts before that though concerning ANOTHER possible affair. :NoNo:

[Moy]

I dumped her!

good thing you dump her first :Dor you been dump by her instead:doh:icon_lol::D:Rasp:

[stevewool]

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.:yikes::icon_lol:

yes dear:)

[Moy]

yes dear:)

yep pops:omg::icon_lol::Rasp:

[Eyes O'Donnell]

6128

:):xxgrinning--00xx3:;)

[aprilmaejon]

Ssshhhhh...thank you for all who gave me views about my issues. It was just a basis for me to how the situation will be addressed. I followed what others here suggested to tell him what's bothering me...and I did by giving him a letter explaining everything thoroughly...I was so nervous about his reaction but in the end he approved to what I discussed in the letter.
Thank you for those who sympathise me, who understand me...and thank you for those who misjudge my attention of accessing an account. It's not about checking...it's about trust.
Each one of us may have different views on how relationship should work. I believe it would only depends on how the couple agreed to a situation...and on what kind of situation they can are in.
A lot of you didn't understand me because you didn't know the whole story...thanks anyway....your views did helped me a lot on how to act accordingly.

[lastlid]

:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[grahamw48]

I think writing it down was a great way of putting your feelings across. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Good luck to you both. :)

[Terpe]

I think writing it down was a great way of putting your feelings across...

Yep, that strategy can work very well. It's often recommended by professional counsellors and has a number of benefits.

Well done for that idea April :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[aprilmaejon]

Thank you Graham and Terpe...
Yes, writing down is always my way of letting him know my feelings...there I can tell everything without pauses and without missing any point. It is really a great strategy. :-)

[lastlid]

Thank you Graham and Terpe...
Yes, writing down is always my way of letting him know my feelings...there I can tell everything without pauses and without missing any point. It is really a great strategy. :-)
:icon_lol: My ex wife used to do that and always left bits of paper all round the house with her writings, sometimes amounting to several pages of A4. :icon_lol:

[grahamw48]

Sometimes it's better to leave a note and run. :icon_lol:

[sars_notd_virus]

Each one of us may have different views on how relationship should work.


happy ending!!


its not always just ''trust'' and ''respect'' for a successful relationship....there should be constant communication between you and your partner.

[lastlid]

happy ending!!


its not always just ''trust'' and ''respect'' for a successful relationship....there should be constant communication between you and your partner.

That was the other thing that the reverend said to us. No secrets and alway talk to one another.....

BTW, when the reverend said no secrets, I am certain she didn't mean I had to tell my wife what I was getting her for xmas :D

[sars_notd_virus]

BTW, when the reverend said no secrets, I am certain she didn't mean I had to tell my wife what I was getting her for xmas :D

:icon_lol::icon_lol:thats a different thing....i hate surprises ..i should always know what i'm getting from the husband during special occasions:D

[sars_notd_virus]

I just want to ask if a wife for you here in the UK have the right to access to their husband's social network account like Facebook? Or phone messages?

it should be the last thing you should worry, why?? he can give you different accounts to access and can also have multiple accounts of social networks and email accounts...not good to begin with trust!!


...why not try to google on recipes and cook something special for him ...a way to a mans heart is through his stomach:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Terpe]

...why not try to google on recipes and cook something special for him ...a way to a mans heart is through his stomach:xxgrinning--00xx3:

:xxgrinning--00xx3:
works for me :hubbahubba:

[lastlid]

it should be the last thing you should worry, why?? he can give you different accounts to access and can also have multiple accounts of social networks and email accounts...not good begin with trust!!


Yes and 3 mobile phones.....:omg:

[aprilmaejon]

Originally Posted by sars_notd_virus
...why not try to google on recipes and cook something special for him ...a way to a mans heart is through his stomach

Well, I do that everyday. I always prepare everything ready for him everyday...clothes, breakfast,coffee, dinner...so on and so forth.

[aprilmaejon]

Originally Posted by sars_notd_virus
it should be the last thing you should worry, why?? he can give you different accounts to access and can also have multiple accounts of social networks and email accounts...not good begin with trust!!


Well, he's better than that. I know him...I know when there is something fishy in his actions...

[sars_notd_virus]

:xxgrinning--00xx3:
works for me :hubbahubba:

good boy:xxgrinning--00xx3:




Well, I do that everyday. I always prepare everything ready for him everyday...clothes, breakfast,coffee, dinner...so on and so forth.

good girl!! thats good way to practice entering the wonderful world of marriage,...obey and serve lol




Well, he's better than that. I know him...I know when there is something fishy in his actions...

we women are gifted with good instinct,...usually, better instinct than men :crazy:;)

[lastlid]

we women are gifted with good instinct,...usually, better instinct than men :crazy:;)

An extra (6th) sense .....to make up for a lack of sense of direction.

[aprilmaejon]

good boy:xxgrinning--00xx3:

good girl!! thats good way to practice entering the wonderful world of marriage,...obey and serve lol



we women are gifted with good instinct,...usually, better instinct than men :crazy:;)


Not obey and serve...but just taking good care of our husbands...by heart not only by a choice or an obligation.

...and yes, I believe about women's strong instinct.

[Moy]

.why not try to google on recipes and cook something special for him ...a way to a mans heart is through his stomach

well said sars:D:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Rory]

I have a lock on my phone for the soul reason that if it is lost or stolen then the thief or the person who finds it can not use it. Yes, there are ways to unlock phones but by the time they crack it I will have reported the phone lost and I signal will be sent to the phone which blocks it and no good for anyone.
We both have access to each others Facebook and I often log on my fiancée account and chat with her friends and add pictures. Lol
She often logs on mine, I do not know if she posts and chats to my friends but to me, it is only cyberspace and not the real world, if I log on one day and find out I have come out and confessed I am gay or I have just married Hillary Clinton I would just laugh. The real world and being true and honest with my woman is all that really matters.
One last think, she does not have access to my bank account, come on, get real. :icon_lol:

[grahamw48]

I'm happy to share my overdraft with whoever wants it, and would very much appreciate someone being jealous of me and another woman....as long she was Angelina Jolie. :icon_lol:

[Rory]

You are just asking for trouble there Graham, she has 6 kids and more tattoos that a yakusa.

[grahamw48]

:Erm:

I must start buying a newspaper.

:bigcry: