Kids in the PH

[patsylou]

Have I underestimated the hold his children have on my partner?he has worked at sea for 12 years-his kids are 14 9 8.he only sees them for about 6 weeks a year.The plan was for him to get an annulment in a couple of years but now I have lost my job on the ship i thought it could be done sooner.He's reluctant cos his wife doesn't want one-she is understandably worried about her financial situation and he doesn't want his kids to hate him-which i guess is a possibility depending on what the mother says to them and its possible she may be vindictive(I've met her).Now he is on vacation in the PH and things have got difficult.
He's very confused and seems to be panicing and grasping at straws-saying we can't possibly have a life together in the UK-it's too difficult-he does'nt want to work on the ship again and has even said he may apply for a visa for New Zealand which would mean he and I wouldn't be together.I feel sorry that he is the one that has to make the difficult choices and sacrifices but I do think we could have a good life here in the UK and it wont be that much different in terms of him working away and seeing his kids for a short time than working on the ship.I am prepared to wait even if it means not seeing each other very much-only when the ship docks in the UK

[grahamw48]

My sympathies are with the kids. :NoNo:

[RickyR]

It's a very difficult situation, do bear in mind that if his wife did support the annulment, it wouldn't be granted as thats classed as collusion (spelling?).

[RickyR]

Can I also offer a word of warning, and please take this in the best possible way.
When I worked on the cruise ships; many of the Filipino men would engage in relationships with people despite being married, and would often spin a few lies. I know two women onboard that got caught up in relationships with Filipino men, one who claimed to not be married and the other who claimed to be seperated and both turned out to be lies. I know of other similar situations second hand. This is no real reflection on the Filipino society, more of a normality amongst cruise ship employees (I only know one Captain that wasn't divorced at least once, and thats only because he had an open relationship).
This probably isn't the case with your boyfriend, but please do have your eyes wide open.

[patsylou]

Can I also offer a word of warning, and please take this in the best possible way.
When I worked on the cruise ships; many of the Filipino men would engage in relationships with people despite being married, and would often spin a few lies. I know two women onboard that got caught up in relationships with Filipino men, one who claimed to not be married and the other who claimed to be seperated and both turned out to be lies. I know of other similar situations second hand. This is no real reflection on the Filipino society, more of a normality amongst cruise ship employees (I only know one Captain that wasn't divorced at least once, and thats only because he had an open relationship).
This probably isn't the case with your boyfriend, but please do have your eyes wide open.

Thanks but I've worked on the same ship for 7 years so I know about ship life and land life ; ) I have in fact been to The Ph met his Dad and his sisters and his wife and kids when they were visiting from the province hundreds of miles away from where my boyfriend and his family live.

[patsylou]

Yes of course but bear in mind they will still have a Dad who loves them and supports them financially and will see them as often as he does right now-plus they are not going to know about the annulment until they are older if we can help it-there is no need for them to know.Their mother took them from the family home to live in the province where she grew up several years ago-leaving their Dad in the city-he has limited time to visit when he's on vacation from the ship as he has to be in touch with the shipping agency in the city.he like many other filipinos has made a huge sacrifice which most of us Brits would never consider.Whether the children suffer depends on the mother

[RickyR]

No problems. Essentially, the annulment is a possibility for your fiance, and my wife whom I met on the cruise ships went through the whole process. It's complex, and essentially it will involve one party accusing the other of being in the wrong. If the courts suspect there is collusion between the parties, they will throw it out.

If you worked at it, it really is possible for you to bring him to the UK and there are various options, even without him completing the annullment (quite difficult, but possible). The life at sea isn't the greatest, particularly for the crew, who depending on the companies, can be treated pretty poorly.
Once in the UK, he can still go and see his children and vice versa whenever he wants.

Has your boyfriend considered transferring companies to one that operates more often out of the UK, such as Hebridean? I could provide a few contact numbers if you wish.

[patsylou]

You're right life at sea isn't the greatest for crew like him-9 mth contracts min 10 hr day with no day off-i couldn't do it.I had a cushy life at sea and even I got fed up.What are the other options for him coming to the UK without completing the annulment-I thought I had explored them all?The year we got together they changed the rule where you only had to prove a relationship for 2 years to having had to live with each other for 2 years-he doesn't have a skill to be able to work here.Yes contacts for other cruise companies would be great thank you and a big thank you for your replies and support-thats why I came on here-guess I'm in a minority being a female with a Filipino partner : )

[RickyR]

Yes, one of the reasons I left the cruise lines was that I was contracted for a 70 hour week, then was expected to do 14+ hours overtime a week. Bahh. My wife seemed to get a better contract than me at times.
Well regarding the situation, there is still the 'Unmarried Partner' visa, but you have to place a big emphasis on the fact that his previous relationship has broken up, if they suspect anything other, then it will be denied. You'd probably have to work hard to prove how much time you've been together in the relationship, and post your schedules and whatever evidence you could find to support that aspect. I think you'd probably have to suggest that your partner is intending to have an anullment and also that he's intending to stop working at sea and reside with you in the UK.

http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/visas-immigration/partners-families/citizens-settled/unmarried-same-sex/can-you-apply/

[patsylou]

Unfortunately with the unmarried partner visa you have to have been living together for 2 years-they won't accept the time we have both been on the ship.