A question for the men especially if you work away for long periods. but any comment

[patsylou]

Scenario: you work away on a ship for 9 mth contracts-your marriage is over last 3 years but you have been supporting them and visit every vacation-you have a long term relationship-3 years- which is mostly long distance.On vacation visiting wife and kids you find out from members of your Filipino family(cousins)that your wife was cheating on you with someone known to the family, right from when you first started working away 12 years ago-you had 2 kids in that time.How would you feel? What about your current long distance partner?

[sars_notd_virus]

there is no hidden/secret that will not be revealed:rolleyes:

[CBM]

Tough one. (Same industry by the way, but ashore for a while now).

Children are people. They are not in any way responsible for what their mother may have done. It is terribly easy to damage a child's trust and love. A real father is a man who behaves like one; biology has nothing to do with it. Easy to say, hard to do, but I have found it the most worth while thing in my life.

[RickyR]

It's a tough situation. I work at sea, but thankfully not for 9 months at a time.
I have to admit it was hard leaving my family behind, especially when they were in the Philippines. I'm not sure how I'd cope if I found out there was cheating going on.

Of many of the Filipino colleagues I worked with at sea/overseas in Filipino+Filipina relationships who were away for seriously long periods of time it seemed that quite a few cheated, or were cheated on by their spouse.

Seaman tend to become quite detached, and housewives can become quite lonely.

If you want to discuss anything and talk it over, feel free to PM me.

[grahamw48]

You have just described what happened to me....though I wasn't working on a ship, but in another country. I didn't cheat on her.

We are now divorced.

[patsylou]

What does PM mean is it private message? Im not sure how or if i can do that as Im a new member with restricted access-can you let me know as Id like to.Thanks

[patsylou]

He hasn't said he has doubts if he is the kids father but I thought it might go through his head?

[patsylou]

It's a tough situation. I work at sea, but thankfully not for 9 months at a time.
I have to admit it was hard leaving my family behind, especially when they were in the Philippines. I'm not sure how I'd cope if I found out there was cheating going on.

Of many of the Filipino colleagues I worked with at sea/overseas in Filipino+Filipina relationships who were away for seriously long periods of time it seemed that quite a few cheated, or were cheated on by their spouse.

Seaman tend to become quite detached, and housewives can become quite lonely.

If you want to discuss anything and talk it over, feel free to PM me.
Sorry havent go the hang o freplying properly to individuals ! Would like to PM you but not sure how as Im a newbie with restricted access.

[Rosie1958]

I'm female but I don't see that it matters in the situation described. If I worked away from home for years to support my family and found out that my partner had been having an affair, I would feel totally betrayed and very used. :NoNo: I'd have to walk away from that relationship immediately but I have self respect and am strong enough to do so, many others aren't.

If you are not happy in a relationship why cheat? We all have choices (many find excuses not do the decent thing) and we are responsible for our own actions and behaviours.

[grahamw48]

If only all were as honourable as you Rosie. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Rosie1958]

Graham, I really don't see the point in cheating .......... all it does is cause pain, upset and grief to all parties, including children who are not stupid and who often know something is going on.

To anyone who reads this post who is cheating all I can say is grow up, start acting like a responsible adult and sort your life out ...... don't hurt others with your own weaknesses. :doh

[CBM]

He hasn't said he has doubts if he is the kids father but I thought it might go through his head?

see post 3 above

[stevewool]

if its true cheating has been going on, then walk away, support your children always, but start a new life for yourself,once a cheater always a cheater, but its lonely being alone for so long, good luck

[patsylou]

I'm female but I don't see that it matters in the situation described. If I worked away from home for years to support my family and found out that my partner had been having an affair, I would feel totally betrayed and very used. :NoNo: I'd have to walk away from that relationship immediately but I have self respect and am strong enough to do so, many others aren't.

If you are not happy in a relationship why cheat? We all have choices (many find excuses not do the decent thing) and we are responsible for our own actions and behaviours.

Thanks Rosie In tried to add any comments including from women but not enough room!The reason I posed the question mainly for men is something us women never have to worry about and that is paternity issues.

[patsylou]

Sorry I wasn't clear in my first post-it is my partner who is the one who had been cheated on not me.

[RickyR]

You can e-mail me at rick@zenithocean.com

[Steve.r]

I live and work away from my wife and son for long periods, but the thing that we both share is 100% trust. Without that you any small doubts will eat away at you. But these days with modern ways of staying in contact, where ever you are in the world you can talk and see eachother daily.

[patsylou]

I live and work away from my wife and son for long periods, but the thing that we both share is 100% trust. Without that you any small doubts will eat away at you. But these days with modern ways of staying in contact, where ever you are in the world you can talk and see eachother daily.
Steve- quite agree about trust thing-you shouldn't be in this kind of relationship if you start to have doubts. My relationship has become even more long distance now Ive lost my job on the same ship and my friends start to say"But don't you worry he might....I stop them there and tell then thats not the way I think and if I ever did I would have to have a serious re-think

[CBM]

Patsylou - there is no doubt at all that this question can nag away at a male - any male - Filipino, British, or even a different species - male lions routinely kill cubs if they suspect that they have a different father.

But I don't think that such a concern usually carries over into a general distrust of women and misogynism.

[patsylou]

Hi Rick Ive just emailed you but it may go in your junk mail.Thanks

[Iani]

It doesn't matter what sort of relationship it is, long distance or seeing each other every night. Both parties know what sort of relationship they are going into, and they know it will be lonely - they also know it won't be forever (usually).

Frankly if they can't keep their pants on, then they are lowlife. Loneliness is not an excuse!

There are some real excuses for cheating in a relationship, any relationship where both know the score from the start though is not one of them.

No relationship can manage without trust, it's true what they say, that it can take years to build up and seconds to destroy

[stevewool]

takes two to tango they say,