Large Age Gap And Happy :)

[anonymous]

Hello! I am 19 years old and in a very loving and happy relationship with a 48 year old man. We've been together for few months now. It wasn't always easy (just like any relationship), but we've stuck together and got through the rough patches, and now it has evolved into a very stable, committed, and caring relationship. We are starting to (seriously) talk about marriage and children!

Whenever I think about our large age difference being abnormal or strange, I just think about how I see all of these "normal" couples around me, who feign happiness and stability, only to find out that, behind the curtains, they are really miserable, separating, cheating on their spouses, etc. My conclusion is, if your happy, that's all that matters -- not your age! ;)

[stevewool]

total agree, being happy with yourself and with your partner is more important then a number,

[malchard888]

Welcome to the forum Ann and u willl certainly get a lot of advice here from the members who post regularly. Just to reassure you a little, my pinay wife is 34 and I am 61 and the relationship works perfectly so dont worry about the age difference or whether others may raise their eyebrows in disbelief, as long as u are happy then thats all thats matters so good luck to the both of you.:)

[melovesengland]

I do agree that age doesnt really matter. Its tested and proven by me self and me partner, also for those couples here in this forum and outhere who are living happily together. The most important thing of all is you love, care, respect, listen and TRUST eachother in the end which makes and helps the relationship grow more stronger. Just IGNORE what people say, they are just BORED. :rolleyes: :D :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[imagine]

Hi Ann, welcome to the forum:Wave:

[lordna]

Hi Ann, We have an age difference too, my wife (also from Tacloban) is 33 and me 58. We have been married coming up to 3 years now and are living in the UK now. The age gap doesnt matter as long as you are both happy. Good luck to you both

[grahamw48]

My first (Filipina) wife was 23 and me 39 when we married...together 12 years. First marriage for both of us.

My Filipina Fiancee is 26 now, and me...mental age 26 also. :D

I'm not sure how bothered she is about helping me with my walking frame, trying to dig my teeth out from down the back of the sofa and singing along with me to Bing Crosby. :Erm:

[songz777]

My first (Filipina) wife was 23 and me 39 when we married...together 12 years. First marriage for both of us.

My Filipina Fiancee is 26 now, and me...mental age 26 also. :D

I'm not sure how bothered she is about helping me with my walking frame, trying to dig my teeth out from down the back of the sofa and singing along with me to Bing Crosby. :Erm:

:) love it Graham .. my girl is 26 in August and age is nothing when you love each other.

[CBM]

:yikes: Well, I have just done a double take - a Filipino friend, having glanced at my sister in law's FB page, made a remark about "teenagers getting out of control if they have access to hard drinks" - the picture (admittedly blurry) was of my mahal, clowning about, fag in one hand, brandy in the other!

So here am I, in my late fifties, being accused, by a Pinoy friend, of "cradle snatching" a teenager...:rolleyes:

Kay is actually just shy of thirty - but so slim and so drop dead gorgeous that Pinoy friends think she's a T-bird and foreign friends thinnk she might be a ladyboy!

I don't actually care, because we are both as happy as Larry, but coming to the serious point, there is always going to be a time in any May and September relationship when December happens - the older partner, having rattled along happily for years, falls off his (less often her) trolley and quite suddenly becomes old and infirm.

It's grossly unfair on the younger partner to expect him, or, more usually, her, to have to turn, in her forties, say, into an unpaid carer for the feeble minded, incontinent, wheelchair bound, older partner.

I think one has to plan for this.

Our two pennyworth is that on the one hand Kay needs to have a career to fall back on when I am gone and/or useless, and on the other hand I really don't want to end up "sans teeth, sans eyes, sans everything", so I intend to carry on sailing (my lifelong passion) until I go overboard.

[gWaPito]

:yikes: Well, I have just done a double take - a Filipino friend, having glanced at my sister in law's FB page, made a remark about "teenagers getting out of control if they have access to hard drinks" - the picture (admittedly blurry) was of my mahal, clowning about, fag in one hand, brandy in the other!

So here am I, in my late fifties, being accused, by a Pinoy friend, of "cradle snatching" a teenager...:rolleyes:

Kay is actually just shy of thirty - but so slim and so drop dead gorgeous that Pinoy friends think she's a T-bird and foreign friends thinnk she might be a ladyboy!

I don't actually care, because we are both as happy as Larry, but coming to the serious point, there is always going to be a time in any May and September relationship when December happens - the older partner, having rattled along happily for years, falls off his (less often her) trolley and quite suddenly becomes old and infirm.

It's grossly unfair on the younger partner to expect him, or, more usually, her, to have to turn, in her forties, say, into an unpaid carer for the feeble minded, incontinent, wheelchair bound, older partner.

I think one has to plan for this.
Actually, where my wife comes from in the Philippines they dont abandon there loved ones into institutions...they actually care and look after them by themselves....as is the norm in the Philippines....its whats expected of the family...unlike here in the west :NoNo:

[CBM]

I think that may be changing - another sister in law who works in the States thinks there is a future in care homes in the Philippines - at least and initially for balikbayans.

But my real point is that those of us in an unequal age relationship need to plan for the moment - which will come - when the disparity suddenly becomes critical.

Of course, there's a pretty good chance that one will get carried off with a heart attack or a stroke or a fairly quick cancer...

[anonymous]

total agree, being happy with yourself and with your partner is more important then a number,

Exactly stevewool :) I do believe in the saying "Whatever it is that makes you happy, go for it"

[Arthur Little]

Hello, Ann ... :welcomex: to this friendly site. Here's wishing you and your partner every joy and happiness. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[anonymous]

Welcome to the forum Ann and u willl certainly get a lot of advice here from the members who post regularly. Just to reassure you a little, my pinay wife is 34 and I am 61 and the relationship works perfectly so dont worry about the age difference or whether others may raise their eyebrows in disbelief, as long as u are happy then thats all thats matters so good luck to the both of you.:)

Thanks for the warm welcome malchard888. I'm happy with what you've shared. It did inspire me, and yeah, when it comes to love, age does not really matter . I wish you all the best life may offer :) God bless you both :)

[anonymous]

Hi Ann, welcome to the forum:Wave:

Thank you for the warm welcome imagine. God bless you and your family as well :)

[anonymous]

Hi Ann, We have an age difference too, my wife (also from Tacloban) is 33 and me 58. We have been married coming up to 3 years now and are living in the UK now. The age gap doesnt matter as long as you are both happy. Good luck to you both

Thanks! wow its nice to know that your wife is from Tacloban too :) Wish you all the best in life lordna

[anonymous]

Actually, where my wife comes from in the Philippines they dont abandon there loved ones into institutions...they actually care and look after them by themselves....as is the norm in the Philippines....its whats expected of the family...unlike here in the west :NoNo:

Yeah, i agree with you gWapito. I don't know if you are familiar with Zsazsa Padilla & the late Dolphy Quizon, they are both local celebrities here and was in a May-December relationship. Even during the last days of Dolphy, Zsazsa was still on his side, she never did leave her beloved Dolphy. Most of the filipinos have the same attitude :) We would never leave nor abandon the one we love until the end of time.

[anonymous]

Hello, Ann ... :welcomex: to this friendly site. Here's wishing you and your partner every joy and happiness. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Hi Arthur Little. Thank you for the warm welcome :) I wish you and your wife all the best in life :) God bless!

[Terpe]

Hello! I am 19 years old and in a very loving and happy relationship with a 48 year old man. We've been together for few months now. It wasn't always easy (just like any relationship), but we've stuck together and got through the rough patches, and now it has evolved into a very stable, committed, and caring relationship. We are starting to (seriously) talk about marriage and children!

Whenever I think about our large age difference being abnormal or strange, I just think about how I see all of these "normal" couples around me, who feign happiness and stability, only to find out that, behind the curtains, they are really miserable, separating, cheating on their spouses, etc. My conclusion is, if your happy, that's all that matters -- not your age! ;)

:Hellooo: Hi there Ann, and welcome to the forum :Wave:

[anonymous]

:Hellooo: Hi there Ann, and welcome to the forum :Wave:

Thanks Terpe :)

[Michael Parnham]

I agree Im 27 nd my husband s 70 ds y
ear and we are really happy.

[anonymous]

I agree Im 27 nd my husband s 70 ds y
ear and we are really happy.

Glad to know that :) More happiness to come for the both of you :)

[Doc Alan]

CBM is correct ( # 9 and 11 ) ! Happiness is a goal everyone would like to achieve. A large age gap need not be a barrier to a happy and stable relationship. Many forum members are in loving relationships with Filipinas, whether or not there is a big age difference, for several reasons including faithfulness.
Each partner should look after their health, as one of their responsibilities. Being physically active is part of that. It helps strengthen relationships, improves quality of life, and reduces stress. Being inactive, obviously linked to obesity, increases the chances of many adverse health conditions ( including heart disease, diabetes and cancer ) and shortened lifespan. Two out of three adults in the UK, but less than one out of four in South-East Asia, don’t exercise enough. That doesn’t necessarily mean joining ( and actually using ) a gym. Walking 2 hours a week would help.
More members have already looked at this thread than the one on inactivity (
http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php/39931-Inactivity-killing-as-many-as-smoking
) ! Our health is vital, not only to ourselves, but to those who love and care for us.

[grahamw48]

6697

[feos158]

nice

[Steve.r]

nice
I can see why you only used one word in your reply, spamming all over the internet must be exhausting bye bye :Wave:

[grahamw48]

:xxgrinning--00xx3: My finger was hovering over the report button.

Romanian eh?

That would have wound Dedworth up. :laugher:

[Miss Aries]

Hi Ann, welcome to the forum :Hellooo::Hellooo::Hellooo:

[anonymous]

Hi Ann, welcome to the forum :Hellooo::Hellooo::Hellooo:

Thank you :):Wave:

[aug06_2006]

Welcome to the forum Ann

[anonymous]

Welcome to the forum Ann

Thanks aug06_2006 :Hellooo:

[sars_notd_virus]

I am sorry if I need to comment on this thread , but as I've said before, an age gap of 20-30years will be fine but 40years and plus is a big NO NO ....why????? its doesnt look healthy !! c'mon people be real!!

[grahamw48]

It's up to the individuals involved. Nowt to do with anyone else.

I think fat people look unhealthy, but they are entitled to be fat (and happy) and it's not illegal. :)

[joebloggs]

Actually, where my wife comes from in the Philippines they dont abandon there loved ones into institutions...they actually care and look after them by themselves....as is the norm in the Philippines....its whats expected of the family...unlike here in the west :NoNo:

that's because they or their families cant afford to pay care home fees, which are minimum of £25k a year without nursing care in the UK , and with nursing care could be up to £45k a year depending where you are in the UK . :doh

[melovesengland]

It's up to the individuals involved. Nowt to do with anyone else.

I think fat people look unhealthy, but they are entitled to be fat (and happy) and it's not illegal. :)

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3: Im fat, im happy and its not illegal. :D:xxgrinning--00xx3: :)

[grahamw48]

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3: Im fat, im happy and its not illegal. :D:xxgrinning--00xx3: :)

Ooops. :icon_lol: :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[anonymous]

6697

Super :xxgrinning--00xx3: grahamw48 :)

[grahamw48]

Should 60 year-olds be banned from Ice-Skating, or racing their cars ? :Erm:

Pah ! :D

.
http://img256.imageshack.us/img256/8939/yorkdragracing.jpghttp://img843.imageshack.us/img843/4281/philsfeb2012052.jpg

[imagine]

my favourite saying is ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, your as old as the woman you feel,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:shehumper:

:rolleyes: is that allowed :doh:D

[grahamw48]

Well, as long as you have her permission. :icon_lol:

[Doc Alan]

Wow :icon_lol: ! There's me thinking fat people are unhealthy, and mostly unhappy :doh. Drinking alcohol to excess and smoking are also not illegal for adults, but I also don't think they're good for health. There's an " epidemic " of obesity, inactivity, and alcohol abuse in the UK. This costs OUR NHS - taxpayer funded - an unsustainable amount, not to mention cost to the individual and their loved ones.
I don't make judgements on lifestyle choices - whether age gap in a relationship, diet, exercise, drinking, smoking, legal sexual preferences, or even illegal drug abuse. Illness should not be stigmatised because of its cause(s). I can't dictate - on a forum where I don't know most members - what their lifestyle should be.
What I have done during my membership of the forum is to give information on health matters which is accurate to the best of my knowledge. Members may ignore, take note, or disagree ( with their evidence for doing so ).
My point in this thread is only that - in my humble opinion - members in ANY relationship, regardless of age difference, should try to look after their health. Surely that is beyond argument. If members disagree, it's time I left the forum !

[Steve.r]

My point in this thread is only that - in my humble opinion - members in ANY relationship, regardless of age difference, should try to look after their health. Surely that is beyond argument. If members disagree, it's time I left the forum !

No argument there Alan :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Maybe our 'younger' spouces should make sure us older ones stay fit and healthy. After all, it is in everyone's interest to live a long and happy life together whatever the age gap. I know in my relationship, my beautiful wife and I made a beautiful baby who will keep us on our toes for years to come :Jump::Jump::)

[RickyR]

Well I can't argue about age differences. My wife is 35, and I'm 27 years old. What cradle snatchers these Filipinas are!

[anonymous]

I am sorry if I need to comment on this thread , but as I've said before, an age gap of 20-30years will be fine but 40years and plus is a big NO NO ....why????? its doesnt look healthy !! c'mon people be real!!


No need to say sorry sars_notd_virus . Everybody has a freedom to express or state his honest opinion :) I respect your opinion though. God bless :)

[lastlid]

A couple of threads on the very topic...

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php/37568-Our-19-year-age-gap-was-only-an-issue-to-other-people?highlight=age+difference

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php/30875-Opinion-for-massive-age-gap?highlight=relationship

[gWaPito]

I certainly agree with, in order of posts, Graham's, Steve r's and Doc Alan's take on this :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Graham mentioned the ugly sight of a lardy couple walking hand in hand..for me an even more repugnant sight is a couple of gays walking hand in hand :NoNo:

It puts the sight of the young/old couple into perspective...I mean, at least copulation is normal...with the prospect of being able to multiply...as the Good Lord intended.

[Arthur Little]

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3: Im fat, im happy and its not illegal. :D:xxgrinning--00xx3: :)

:) Judging by your avatar, you certainly look :BouncyHappy: ... but DEFINITELY NOT fat - NOR, even in the slightest, overweight! :NoNo:

[grahamw48]

I certainly agree with, in order of posts, Graham's, Steve r's and Doc Alan's take on this :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Graham mentioned the ugly sight of a lardy couple walking hand in hand..for me an even more repugnant sight is a couple of gays walking hand in hand :NoNo:

It puts the sight of the young/old couple into perspective...I mean, at least copulation is normal...with the prospect of being able to multiply...as the Good Lord intended.

Yep...can't really knock it...male of legal age plus female of legal age, mutually consenting and in a healthy loving relationship.

Meanwhile laws are being changed to permit those taking part in unnatural (and to many, UNACCEPTABLE ) sexual relationships to marry in church and receive the blessing of the man in the clouds. :NoNo:

Do I feel bad having the effrontery to still find fertile young ladies attractive ?

No I don't.

[LastViking]

Welcome to the Forum Ann and I hope you enjoy the experience. When do you hope to come to the UK?

[MissAna]

after reading all other comments here , i'm quite shocked that 'some' people think that having a relationship with older men is not healthy. :cwm24: anyway it's their opinion :rolleyes:

all i can say is: AGE IS JUST A NUMBER if love is genuine :woohoo:

[Steve.r]

i'm quite shocked that 'some' people think that having a relationship with older men is not healthy. :woohoo:

Not sure if that is the case Ana. :NoNo: I think the suggestion is that the 'extreme' age difference is probably more frowned upon as it looks like the girl (generally the case) is gold digging.

example: an 18 year old with a 75 year old isn't really looking for a long term relationship is she :doh But maybe the guy is just looking for and ego boost, trophey wife, home help or just a :Sex:.

[grahamw48]

I'll be willing to give it a go. :icon_lol:

[gWaPito]

Not sure if that is the case Ana. :NoNo: I think the suggestion is that the 'extreme' age difference is probably more frowned upon as it looks like the girl (generally the case) is gold digging.

example: an 18 year old with a 75 year old isn't really looking for a long term relationship is she :doh But maybe the guy is just looking for and ego boost, trophey wife, home help or just a :Sex:.
I would imagine the 75yo is well past trophy hunting and ego boosting..such things are for the kids :)...perhaps he's just looking for company for the remainder of his days...both are getting benefits from eachother.

[lastlid]

I'll be willing to give it a go. :icon_lol:

And that brings your original "double entendre" posting flooding back.....:icon_lol:

[MissAna]

Not sure if that is the case Ana. :NoNo: I think the suggestion is that the 'extreme' age difference is probably more frowned upon as it looks like the girl (generally the case) is gold digging.

example: an 18 year old with a 75 year old isn't really looking for a long term relationship is she :doh But maybe the guy is just looking for and ego boost, trophey wife, home help or just a :Sex:.

:gp: BUT in my opinion we cannot judge people , only GOD :xxgrinning--00xx3:
if that's their happiness let it be. it's their life :)

[grahamw48]

I agree...and with my list of sins, what's one more ? :D

[sars_notd_virus]

after reading all other comments here , i'm quite shocked that 'some' people think that having a relationship with older men is not healthy. :cwm24: anyway it's their opinion :rolleyes:

all i can say is: AGE IS JUST A NUMBER if love is genuine :woohoo:

hey girl, you obviously dont get my point ,..its not that its wrong its just doomed to failure can you imagine a 70 year old bloke trying to keep a 20 year old sexualy happy with out the use of tools
and other equipment ? each to their own and age is just a number but when they
are living in such a generation gap then its not going to work, never!!
:NoNo::repuke::rolleyes:

4G5UBEEjcDc

[grahamw48]

We're all different. :NoNo:

If a lot of 20 and 30 something guys were keeping their wives happy they wouldn't be getting divorced after 4 or 5 years. :rolleyes:

If the 70 year-old lasts 10 happy years, with or without the benefit of Cialis, then pegs it...leaving his wife some security, what's the difference ? :Erm:

[lastlid]

We're all different. :NoNo:

If a lot of 20 and 30 something guys were keeping their wives happy they wouldn't be getting divorced after 4 or 5 years. :rolleyes:

If the 70 year-old lasts 10 happy years then pegs it...leaving his wife some security, what's the difference ? :Erm:

I have to say that I never thought of it like that before. Its a fair point. The only area I might differ on is that in one case it is known beforehand that the marriage will not last whereas in the other case the marriage may well succeed.

But I still agree with the point that you make.

[gWaPito]

I wholly agree with Graham's last post here.

You dont need to be seventy to be deemed dead between the legs either.....many a thirty and forty something having those same problems. Many of my nieces and nephews have fertility problems...all thanks to self indulgence in there much earlier years :NoNo:

Alot of it self inflicted through excessive drinking smoking and substance abuse..

On the flip side, my mum and dad were at it up to when he started having mini strokes mid seventies.

As for the bigoted remarks of the glory seeking ex ABC backing singer, well, you make your own mind up about him

[Steve.r]

As for the bigoted remarks of the glory seeking ex ABC backing singer, well, you make your own mind up about him
that lost me :Erm:

[Terpe]

We're all different. :NoNo:

If a lot of 20 and 30 something guys were keeping their wives happy they wouldn't be getting divorced after 4 or 5 years. :rolleyes:

If the 70 year-old lasts 10 happy years, with or without the benefit of Cialis, then pegs it...leaving his wife some security, what's the difference ? :Erm:

Technically and logically I have to agree.
Emotionally, I don't think I would be so eager to agree if my 20 year old daughter declared she wanted to marry a 70 year old man.

Sorry all. Just being honest about my personal feelings.

[gWaPito]

More than a third of men over 75 confess to feeling lonely.

36% who live alone are unhappy and spend more than 12hr a day on their own..

They are likely to be more lonely than women, but are much less likely to confide in friends and family about feelings.

The findings by the age charity WRVS, also highlight how elderly men are socially isolated. I cant see the sight of a 18yo filipina on his arm is gonna do him any harm whatsoever to his social standing going by the age charities findings:NoNo:.
Uu
The main cause of loneliness for older men was death of a partner 62% followed by losing companions their own age 54%.

More than one in five 21% said they didn't leave the house for days and 9% said they no longer ate properly.

One in eight said they worried about mental health because they had no one to talk to.

' A seventy year old being with a 18yo is unhealthy'..Given the age charity WRVS findings, I'd certainly take a chance :)

You know it makes sense :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Reference my trusty Daily Mail July 26 2012

[Steve.r]

I'm with you Terpe, we all remember the public outcry at Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall

[grahamw48]

I'm not with anyone in particular, but IF I was whatever people consider 'OLD', 'past it' etc and the opportunity arose whereby I could be shacked up with a much younger lady, who for some reason found that living with me met her needs, then I hardly think I'd care what other people thought.

I don't even care now....at my youthful 60 years. :icon_lol:

Hmm, daughters marrying old blokes is different if you're a Brit, but a Filipino father ?:Erm:

I think it's really UK/Fil relationships we're talking about here, after all.

[Steve.r]

I guess at the end of the day it is all about compatability and what suits you. If you are older and fall for a beautiful Filipina then it is all good. The thing is that we all judge without knowing.
My wife often says to me when we are out that she can hear whispers of people saying about 'oh look at her with her white boyfriend' which makes me laugh as no one knows we are married. We publiclly show affection for one another, which doesn't seem to be the 'norm' But then when we are out with our son, the whispers stop and the coo'ing starts when they see us all together.

My wife is 16 years younger, but really.. who cares.

The example I gave of Anna Nicole Smith was more than probably a gold digging act, seen by the western world as something abhorrent. Stereotypically, we judge everyone without knowing it. But we all have needs and it's no one elses business if we find happiness/love with someone of a different age.

But if I had a daughter, I maybe I would like to give my opinion to think about her actions.

[sars_notd_virus]

Emotionally, I don't think I would be so eager to agree if my 20 year old daughter declared she wanted to marry a 70 year old man.






But if I had a daughter, I maybe I would like to give my opinion to think about her actions.

Precisely!!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[sars_notd_virus]

We're all different



yes we are all different!! but even my mathematics wont work with a 40 to 50 years age gap or even 60 ??
the original poster subject is ''LARGE AGE GAP '' not small or little ....its not rocket science ei ? ?:rolleyes:

[lastlid]

There's a line to be drawn there somewhere, but where exactly it lays is debatable. Ask 100 people and you would get a 100 different perspectives on the subject....

[sars_notd_virus]

More than a third of men over 75 confess to feeling lonely. etc.....



were not talking about lonely people on here?? we are talking about a LARGE AGE GAP !! in layman's term a generation gap of about 40 to 50 years difference.
now, if you are referring about a man who needs companion in life ,..they shoulds seek a carer not a wife ..am i right?? its not fair for a woman to looked after a man thinkin she has a husband and the husband thinks he has a carer ey ??:rolleyes:

[lastlid]

were not talking about lonely people on here?? we are talking about a LARGE AGE GAP !! in layman's term a generation gap of about 40 to 50 years difference.
now, if you are referring about a man who needs companion in life ,..they shoulds seek a carer not a wife ..am i right?? its not fair for a woman who looked after a man thinkin she has a husband and the husband thinks he has a carer ey ??:rolleyes:
So is 20yo / 60yo definitely unacceptable?

[lastlid]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Egs3c0uMmak&feature=related

[grahamw48]

yes we are all different!! but even my mathematics wont work with a 40 to 50 years age gap or even 60 ??
the original poster subject is ''LARGE AGE GAP '' not small or little ....its not rocket science ei ? ?:rolleyes:

OK! :doh

Can we keep it good-humoured ?

No lives at stake here...just an exchange of views. :NoNo:

[lastlid]

Society doesnt like circumstances when they are outside the box....and in the short term tends to have a fixed mindset.

Recent radio discussion program on large age gap relationships:


http://cocomoon.co.uk/have-you-been-in-a-big-age-gap-relationship

Look at women's skirts 100 years ago. What if a woman ran around in a skirt above the knee back then? Why is it acceptable now but not then? Flashing an ankle then was a big deal when flashing all else now is acceptable to many. Why might a 40 yo age gap be unacceptable now? Why is it acceptable that a woman can show her face in the UK but not in many places in the middle east? Why is a 40 year age gap acceptable to some and not others and why more acceptable in some societies and not others?

[gWaPito]

were not talking about lonely people on here?? we are talking about a LARGE AGE GAP !! in layman's term a generation gap of about 40 to 50 years difference.
now, if you are referring about a man who needs companion in life ,..they shoulds seek a carer not a wife ..am i right?? its not fair for a woman to looked after a man thinkin she has a husband and the husband thinks he has a carer ey ??:rolleyes:
if you're 70 plus and looking for love and companionship its odds on you're going to be lonely.

Terpe was expressing the feelings of a western father..somewhat different from a Filipino papa.

My wife is 22 years younger than me and she accepts the fact that one day my wheels will, as sure as eggs are eggs, will fall off. She knows she will have the responsibility of my welfare..this is something we had discussed at great length before we married. Really, this is not an issue for her.

Why shouldn't the 70yo be allowed to love anymore...no matter what the age difference.

Carers dont come cheap, not for anyone..perhaps the cost of your house which has been the case for many here.

Better to find a loving caring Filipina.. :D:xxgrinning--00xx3:and give her your house etc instead of leaving to ungrateful absent family, until you die of course or leave to the latest grabbing goverment of the day :NoNo:

[grahamw48]

Spot-on.

My thinking too. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Arthur Little]

:anerikke: ... problem IS ... if a 20-something, slip of a girl marries someone over 65, say :rolleyes: - she's liable to find "old age :D creeping upon her" :do_it:in the middle of the night! ;)

[grahamw48]

As I said....we're all different.:D

.
http://img444.imageshack.us/img444/5346/48398145787998423593410.jpg

[CBM]

I have two comments to make...

1. Those who live in glass houses...

2. My father in law calls me "bro" and prefers me to call him that, too...

[LastViking]

As I said....we're all different.:D

.
http://img444.imageshack.us/img444/5346/48398145787998423593410.jpg

:icon_lol: That is so good, it just shows that AGE is just a NUMBER. It is who you are that counts.

[joebloggs]

More than a third of men over 75 confess to feeling lonely.

36% who live alone are unhappy and spend more than 12hr a day on their own..

They are likely to be more lonely than women, but are much less likely to confide in friends and family about feelings.

The findings by the age charity WRVS, also highlight how elderly men are socially isolated. I cant see the sight of a 18yo filipina on his arm is gonna do him any harm whatsoever to his social standing going by the age charities findings:NoNo:.
Uu
The main cause of loneliness for older men was death of a partner 62% followed by losing companions their own age 54%.

More than one in five 21% said they didn't leave the house for days and 9% said they no longer ate properly.

One in eight said they worried about mental health because they had no one to talk to.

' A seventy year old being with a 18yo is unhealthy'..Given the age charity WRVS findings, I'd certainly take a chance :)

You know it makes sense :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Reference my trusty Daily Mail July 26 2012

:yikes: your quoting stats gWaPito :icon_lol: how many people did they interview, where in the Uk did they live, you know the score with stats :rolleyes:

thou i'll posts some stats in my next post :laugher:

[CBM]

100% of men sharing my birthday and my home address agree with me!
:icon_lol:

[Arthur Little]

she's liable to find "old age :D creeping upon her" :do_it: in the middle of the night! ;)

:olddude: ... methinks members are missing the point :yeahthat: of my 'little' :joke:!

[anonymous]

Thank you guys for sharing each and everyone's views & opinion with regards to the topic i posted :) I wholeheartedly respect whatever your views and opinions are. As for me, it isn't the age difference or similarity that makes a relationship work or fail, it's the age the partners act in trying to keep the relationship together (or in wrecking it). Some young folks are old beyond their years, some old folks are immature, some don't act their age ever. The important thing is to enjoy every moment you're going to spend together with your partner and to heck with what other people say :) Age doesn't matter at all. As long as everything is consentual and the person is at least of emotional maturity then I'd say it's fine:)

[grahamw48]

Well, your posts are certainly very mature. :)

I think you would be just too mature for me. :icon_lol:

[anonymous]

Well, your posts are certainly very mature. :)

I think you would be just too mature for me. :icon_lol:

:icon_lol: I know right :Rasp:

[Steve.r]

On the flipside, a beautiful and passionate filipina partner is enough to make any man of any age feeling full of vigor and young also :hubbahubba:

[grahamw48]

Behave yourself Steve. :D

[Arthur Little]

Thank you guys for sharing each and everyone's views & opinion with regards to the topic i posted :) I wholeheartedly respect whatever your views and opinions are. As for me, it isn't the age difference or similarity that makes a relationship work or fail, it's the age the partners act in trying to keep the relationship together (or in wrecking it). Some young folks are old beyond their years, some old folks are immature, some don't act their age ever. The important thing is to enjoy every moment you're going to spend together with your partner and to heck with what other people say :) Age doesn't matter at all. As long as everything is consentual and the person is at least of emotional maturity then I'd say it's fine:)

:) If I might be permitted to do so, Ann ... I'd like to express my appreciation of your philosophical maturity. :yeahthat: Such wise words from someone so young, are truly impressive. And - without intending to offend anyone else - your command of English grammar would put many British people to shame! Unusually, you exhibit a degree of commonsense befitting a person well beyond your tender years; one who is clearly aware of the direction in which she is headed. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

Pass the bucket, I've come over nauseous :NoNo:

As for the states Joe...I was reading paper at the time and came across the said story..it sort of fitted in quite well with the theme of the thread. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

With Graham's picture of those two women..it just goes to show....genes mean much more than people think...Graham's post of the fitness guru and the cook is a perfect example :)

[gWaPito]

On the flipside, a beautiful and passionate filipina partner is enough to make any man of any age feeling full of vigor and young also :hubbahubba:

Totally agree :xxgrinning--00xx3:...the same can be said for the reverse...you could be married (many years later, what is it with miserable women and advancing years?) to the most miserable bitch the Good Lord gave breath to. Having the opposite consequences as Steve's example. :D

[grahamw48]

My role model: :D

.
One is enough...

.
http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/6992/stringfellow1.jpg

.
...cos more than one can be exhausting: :cwm3:

.
http://img811.imageshack.us/img811/8951/stringfellow.jpg

[CBM]

Good one! :icon_lol:

[lastlid]

At the first modern Olympic Games in Athens 1896, no women competed, as de Coubertin felt that their inclusion would be "impractical, uninteresting, unaesthetic, and incorrect."

Why?

[lastlid]

In 1928, women competed in track and field events for the first time; however, so many collapsed at the end of the 800-meter race that the event was banned until 1960.

Why?

[gWaPito]

I may have missed something here...what on earth has swimming and the olympics got to do with this 'Age gap' thread :rolleyes:

[grahamw48]

:Erm:

:olddude: I'll tell you later....memory not too good at my age. :)

[lastlid]

I may have missed something here...what on earth has swimming and the olympics got to do with this 'Age gap' thread :rolleyes:

You obviously cant see the connection.....

[grahamw48]

In 1928, women competed in track and field events for the first time; however, so many collapsed at the end of the 800-meter race that the event was banned until 1960.

Why?

Their high heels weren't mechanically efficient? :Erm:

[lastlid]

Their high heels weren't mechanically efficient? :Erm:

:icon_lol:

[grahamw48]

At the first modern Olympic Games in Athens 1896, no women competed, as de Coubertin felt that their inclusion would be "impractical, uninteresting, unaesthetic, and incorrect."

Why?

Well, how were they going to finish the housework ? :Erm:

[lastlid]

The connection is within the link below....

"Personal morals are like inner voice, it provides direction in life, decides what is good and bad, and directs a person to adopt certain attitudes. Our perception of what is good and bad gets reinforced based on what morals we adhere and carry in life. These moral values are derived from our spiritual conditioning and upbringing. Morality is often distinguished from etiquette, law, and religion; all of which involve some sort of codes of conduct put forward by a society. While moral values are mostly advocated by various societies and religions so that people living in that society or practicing the particular religion adheres to these values, but more important is our personal moral values that guide us through the journey of life."

http://www.helium.com/items/1929400-how-personal-morals-change-attitude

[lastlid]

"A self-righteous moral attitude and its effect on our perspective of the people around us are profound: so much that it often serves to pit people against each other. It has divided whole nations, as well. As human beings, many people tend to view or judge others, based on their own moral standards. That mode of thinking is a discriminatory drawback."

http://www.helium.com/items/1253747-the-postive-and-negative-of-moral-attitude

[gWaPito]

Jeez Lastlid, you got too much time on your hands :icon_lol:

[grahamw48]

I just like fit young birds. :)

[gWaPito]

You obviously cant see the connection.....

Well yes, that's why I posted what I posted :D

Aah, to have the time to ponder such thoughts or rather, give the search engine a good hammering. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Iani]

Well, on age gaps, it's like this..........

"Average" age gaps in say the UK, it's 2-5 years at most. This isn't accident, it's a trend. The reasons are obvious - they aren't just partners, they are best friends, they by being almost the same age will have shared experiences, they will both know who Duran Duran are, will both be able to joke about Chopper bikes etc, will both have maybe been in Malia in 92'.
There is a good chance they met at a really young age in school. Let's be frank, aged 16 or 17, a larger age gap would be plain freaky.

So then, when we are older, if we meet when we are older then there is more chance of that age gap being wider. It's down to ratios, a 2 year age gap aged 15 is huge, in our 30's it's absolutely nothing, a 10 year gap means little in our 30's.

However, get a big age gap, and it can potentially lead to issues later. Say a 40 year, well we all hope we will be healthy pensioners, but unfortunately this doesn't always happen. I have met people in their 80's who have lost some memory, who are incontinent, who need a lot of care. Well what if their age gap is 40 years? He or she would be a young 40 still wanting to go out......................and if their partner is.......sorry....... a slobbering wreck of their former self, how can that be an equal partnership?
Yes I could name a man I know in his 90's mind razor sharp, swims every day........it's the luck of the draw.

I really hope I will never end up like that - don't we all - but there is a chance I might, none of us know. I could not inflict that on my partner.

With my partner, we have a 15 year gap, and when we were first introduced, I didn't realise this, maybe I wouldn't have got to know her if I knew. I am a little sensitive about it.

There is something else though that has to be considered - relevant to the sort of forum this is - and that's for various reasons, many asian ladies don't like partners the same age, and seek ones a bit older.
It's not always the case, but I found this in Thailand, and my partner and her friends have told me it's often the case with Phils ladies, they see an older man as less likely to be foolish, play around, and will look after her.

What it all comes down to is, it is the love between those couples that matters, and the sort of relationship they both want and will make work. They might not want to be talking about the 80's and 90's rave scene.

It's not really anyones business what someone chooses to be their partner. I am sorry but I don't see HUGE age gaps as a good thing, simply because, firstly there will not be that shared experience, but maybe mainly because we all get old one day, and then the relationship isn't going to be an equal partnership anymore. Of course it can work, but it could end up with the younger party resentful and unhappy at their life.

To put another perspective on this, if my 18 year old daughter wanted to shack up with a 35 or 40 year old, then to say I would be angry would be an understatement. I would have some very uncomfortable questions for him!!

If a 40 year old male friend of mine shacked up with an 18 year old, then the drinks would be lined up, we'd be carrying him shoulder high, he would be "da man".......yes guys can be pretty shallow huh.

Sorry if I'm peeing on anyone's bonfire here. I don't EVER look down or judge on any relationship until I know them, and I certainly do not dislike them for it. What is right for me is not right for everyone.

[grahamw48]

Are we forgetting that there are normally TWO people involved ?

So, unless we're kidnapping and brainwashing the poor woman. :Erm:

[CBM]

"Kidnapping and brainwashing" - perhaps not, but very possibly exploiting a huge difference in knowledge of the ways of the world, in education, and above all in wealth, which can come pretty close to "kidnapping and brainwashing".

Just "helping yourself to the goodies available" does not begin to cut it as an attitude to people from poorer countries in general, and emphatically it is no basis for a relationship based on mutual love and trust, which we are told is what marriage ought to be.

Offer a young woman a way out of a predicament that she is in, for whatever reason, and she may well decide that its the best option for her without thinking all the way through to the consequences. She will have ample time to reflect on her position, later, and if she should come to feel that she has been short changed, which she very well may, she may choose to strike out on her own, at which time the husband who took advantage of her situation may have become dependent on her.

I thought Iani's post was excellent.

[lastlid]

To put another perspective on this, if my 18 year old daughter wanted to shack up with a 35 or 40 year old, then to say I would be angry would be an understatement. I would have some very uncomfortable questions for him!!

If a 40 year old male friend of mine shacked up with an 18 year old, then the drinks would be lined up, we'd be carrying him shoulder high, he would be "da man".......yes guys can be pretty shallow huh.

I think that sums it up completely. :icon_lol:

[Iani]

Noooo no-one get me wrong here, this is purely MY own thought on the matter. Of course a big age gap can work, of course a 50 year old CAN end up quite happy with a 20 year old, but really, there are unfortunately more possible pitfalls to such a relationship, and both parties must go into it fully aware.

I do not look down, dislike or have any bad feelings towards any guy in his 50's or whatever who has pulled a 20-something..............I don't think any man in history has ever hated another guy for pulling a cracker :icon_lol: it's hard-wired into us that this sort of thing makes him a demi-god.

[gWaPito]

Well, on age gaps, it's like this..........

"Average" age gaps in say the UK, it's 2-5 years at most. This isn't accident, it's a trend. The reasons are obvious - they aren't just partners, they are best friends, they by being almost the same age will have shared experiences, they will both know who Duran Duran are, will both be able to joke about Chopper bikes etc, will both have maybe been in Malia in 92'.
There is a good chance they met at a really young age in school. Let's be frank, aged 16 or 17, a larger age gap would be plain freaky.

So then, when we are older, if we meet when we are older then there is more chance of that age gap being wider. It's down to ratios, a 2 year age gap aged 15 is huge, in our 30's it's absolutely nothing, a 10 year gap means little in our 30's.

However, get a big age gap, and it can potentially lead to issues later. Say a 40 year, well we all hope we will be healthy pensioners, but unfortunately this doesn't always happen. I have met people in their 80's who have lost some memory, who are incontinent, who need a lot of care. Well what if their age gap is 40 years? He or she would be a young 40 still wanting to go out......................and if their partner is.......sorry....... a slobbering wreck of their former self, how can that be an equal partnership?
Yes I could name a man I know in his 90's mind razor sharp, swims every day........it's the luck of the draw.

I really hope I will never end up like that - don't we all - but there is a chance I might, none of us know. I could not inflict that on my partner.

With my partner, we have a 15 year gap, and when we were first introduced, I didn't realise this, maybe I wouldn't have got to know her if I knew. I am a little sensitive about it.

There is something else though that has to be considered - relevant to the sort of forum this is - and that's for various reasons, many asian ladies don't like partners the same age, and seek ones a bit older.
It's not always the case, but I found this in Thailand, and my partner and her friends have told me it's often the case with Phils ladies, they see an older man as less likely to be foolish, play around, and will look after her.

What it all comes down to is, it is the love between those couples that matters, and the sort of relationship they both want and will make work. They might not want to be talking about the 80's and 90's rave scene.

It's not really anyones business what someone chooses to be their partner. I am sorry but I don't see HUGE age gaps as a good thing, simply because, firstly there will not be that shared experience, but maybe mainly because we all get old one day, and then the relationship isn't going to be an equal partnership anymore. Of course it can work, but it could end up with the younger party resentful and unhappy at their life.

To put another perspective on this, if my 18 year old daughter wanted to shack up with a 35 or 40 year old, then to say I would be angry would be an understatement. I would have some very uncomfortable questions for him!!

If a 40 year old male friend of mine shacked up with an 18 year old, then the drinks would be lined up, we'd be carrying him shoulder high, he would be "da man".......yes guys can be pretty shallow huh.

Sorry if I'm peeing on anyone's bonfire here. I don't EVER look down or judge on any relationship until I know them, and I certainly do not dislike them for it. What is right for me is not right for everyone.

I see the point you are making Ian...what I dont understand, is why you are hooked up with someone 15yrs your junior...surely you are contradicting yourself....I haven't seen any filipina looking older than her years before.

We have said in previous posts about making the English Filipino father comparison..totally different outlooks.

So, what's the difference between a 20 and 40 year age gap?...age isn't the only precursor to illnesses..it can strike anyone at anytime.

Presumptions are being made about the young wife and how she will feel in the years to come....you and others are thinking as if she's a westerner...

[lastlid]

....you and others are thinking as if she's a westerner...

I am not thinking as if she is a westerner. I was trying to point out that ones moral compass, beliefs, experience, religion etc etc etc affect what any individual thinks is acceptable. What is acceptable / unacceptable depends on a lot of factors including country of origin, place in time etc.

Neither am I saying that it is either acceptable or unacceptable but I am recognising that acceptability is a moving target.

[lastlid]

To use a topical analogy. Fanny Blankers-Koen took a lot of stick when she ran in the Olympics. Many said she should have stayed at home looking after the kids. That was the overriding opinion of the day. Was that opinion correct?
Many would have said yes then , but not now.

So, back to large age gap relationships......

[lastlid]

Anybody looked up Henry the 8ths wives? Note the age gap between him and Catherine Howard. Was that acceptable? If you said no you got your head lopped off.......:omg:

[CBM]

Anybody looked up Henry the 8ths wives? Note the age gap between him and Catherine Howard. Was that acceptable? If you said no you got your head lopped off.......:omg:

So did she... after she got bored with her old husband and took a lover her own age.:yikes:

[CBM]

Presumptions are being made about the young wife and how she will feel in the years to come....you and others are thinking as if she's a westerner...

I'll rise to that one - I have spent most of my working life in East Asia - Hong Kong, Japan, South Korea, the Philippines and Mainland China.

To be perfectly honest, I can't detect any real difference between easterners and westerners.

[Iani]

I see the point you are making Ian...what I dont understand, is why you are hooked up with someone 15yrs your junior...surely you are contradicting yourself....I haven't seen any filipina looking older than her years before.

We have said in previous posts about making the English Filipino father comparison..totally different outlooks.

So, what's the difference between a 20 and 40 year age gap?...age isn't the only precursor to illnesses..it can strike anyone at anytime.

Presumptions are being made about the young wife and how she will feel in the years to come....you and others are thinking as if she's a westerner...

OI!!
I said I was sensitive about it :icon_lol:
15 years isn't the biggest of gaps and we are very compatible. That's all I'm saying.

Don't get me wrong here, deep down I really couldn't care less about someone else's relationship. As long as it is on a mutually equal respect of each other, and there isn't some sort of power game involved, then it's all good.............and that goes for any relationship.

Unfortunately, I can only think "as if she is a westerner", because that's my background and I can't compare to anything else.

[CBM]

OI!!
I said I was sensitive about it :icon_lol:
15 years isn't the biggest of gaps and we are very compatible. That's all I'm saying.

Don't get me wrong here, deep down I really couldn't care less about someone else's relationship. As long as it is on a mutually equal respect of each other, and there isn't some sort of power game involved, then it's all good.............and that goes for any relationship.

Unfortunately, I can only think "as if she is a westerner", because that's my background and I can't compare to anything else.

Exactly. Emphasis mine.

[London_Manila]

Hello! I am 19 years old and in a very loving and happy relationship with a 48 year old man. We've been together for few months now. It wasn't always easy (just like any relationship), but we've stuck together and got through the rough patches, and now it has evolved into a very stable, committed, and caring relationship. We are starting to (seriously) talk about marriage and children!

Whenever I think about our large age difference being abnormal or strange, I just think about how I see all of these "normal" couples around me, who feign happiness and stability, only to find out that, behind the curtains, they are really miserable, separating, cheating on their spouses, etc. My conclusion is, if your happy, that's all that matters -- not your age! ;)

If both of you two get on good then age has nothing to do with it :)

I must say i really enjoyed my time in leyte
Ormoc and Tacloban are great cities :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

I'll rise to that one - I have spent most of my working life in East Asia - Hong Kong, Japan, South Korea, the Philippines and Mainland China.

To be perfectly honest, I can't detect any real difference between easterners and westerners.

Maybe the case in your professional circles but, I beg to differ...like most of us guys on here we've been married before and in my experience there's a stark contrast.

You can understand why many a westerner (especially ex downtrodden husbands previously married to a British) flock to the Philippines. :D

[grahamw48]

Yep, to get away from the fat scruffy old hags that would be available to them here. :D

...and that's why I went when I was 38 !

[gWaPito]

OI!!
I said I was sensitive about it :icon_lol:
15 years isn't the biggest of gaps and we are very compatible. That's all I'm saying.

Don't get me wrong here, deep down I really couldn't care less about someone else's relationship. As long as it is on a mutually equal respect of each other, and there isn't some sort of power game involved, then it's all good.............and that goes for any relationship.

Unfortunately, I can only think "as if she is a westerner", because that's my background and I can't compare to anything else.
Good posts Ian :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Looks like I mis read your initial post :doh

I fully understand and respect your point of view, now that ive taken a little time out to read again what you said here.

Best of luck with your new relationship.

I guess you wont be chewing the cud about the new romantics then..:icon_lol:
I dare say you'll think of something else more constructive to do :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

Yep, to get away from the fat scruffy old hags that would be available to them here. :D

...and that's why I went when I was 38 !
:icon_lol:...you and Ded are a right ol double act...:icon_lol:.. Hilarious!

[Iani]

We can all see Graham's point, in the ads that come up on this site often for something called mature dating uk.
The one sat on her bed with thick specs on and bizarre tattoo is especially scary!

Present ad I seem to be getting is filipenocupid. Much nicer to look at but the girls sort of have pound signs in their eyes - and the middle one is setting off my ladyboy warning system :Rasp:

[lastlid]

I'll rise to that one - I have spent most of my working life in East Asia - Hong Kong, Japan, South Korea, the Philippines and Mainland China.

To be perfectly honest, I can't detect any real difference between easterners and westerners.


Maybe the case in your professional circles but, I beg to differ...like most of us guys on here we've been married before and in my experience there's a stark contrast.

You can understand why many a westerner (especially ex downtrodden husbands previously married to a British) flock to the Philippines. :D

This isn't as straight forward as it might seem. My quick response is that I have to agree with CBM. The long answer is quite complex. Are our Filipina wives genetically different to their UK counterparts? Are they emotionally different? Are they intellectually different? Aren't they simply superficially (even though starkly) different because of the circumstances they are brought up in - nurture v nature and all that.....a debate that rages on and on in psychology circles...

[CBM]

Maybe the case in your professional circles but, I beg to differ...like most of us guys on here we've been married before and in my experience there's a stark contrast.

You can understand why many a westerner (especially ex downtrodden husbands previously married to a British) flock to the Philippines. :D





This isn't as straight forward as it might seem. My quick response is that I have to agree with CBM. The long answer is quite complex. Are our Filipina wives genetically different to their UK counterparts? Are they emotionally different? Are they intellectually different? Aren't they simply superficially (even though starkly) different because of the circumstances they are brought up in - nurture v nature and all that.....a debate that rages on and on in psychology circles...

I ought to explain my remark better.

I'm a westerner who has been married before - twice, in fact, so either

(a) - I am the last person who should be offering advice :NoNo:

or

(b) I am the ideal person, because of my wealth of experience ! ;)

Years ago, I took a job as a manager in a state owned enterprise in Beijing, in the early stages of China's "opening up", at a time when, if you were a Caucasian, children and grandmothers would come up and try to see if you were really human. People were very, very "different" indeed. But it dawned on me that the way to understand them was to assume that we are all the same, and that the important thing was to know where somebody was "coming from" if I wanted to know why they behaved as they did.

In the years since, that has struck me as one of my better ideas. It has completely stopped me from feeling scared of foreigners and of strange places. Instead, I just try to work out why people are doing what they do.

Of course, this is just a variation on the old idea of "walking a mile in the other person's shoes", but it did strke me very strongly at the time and it has helped me since, so I pass it on.

Now, getting back to the subject at hand, we know where we are "coming from" - gWaPito sums it up beautifully - so where is a Filipina who falls for an older foreigner "coming from"?

The Philippines is a very, very "macho" culture. To start with, to become a man in Filipino society, a teenager must be circumcised, without anaesthetic, without showing fear or pain. Manliness is very much a prized virtue.

The Spanish and American influences on Filipino culture have only added to this. They are both "macho" societies.

Boys are always indulged by their mothers, whilst little girls are made to help with housework and so on from a very early age and are taught to behave in a feminine, demure, way*.

This leads to some interesting complications - to quote my sister in law, the reason you must always fold a bill into your driving licence, when a traffic cop pulls you over in the Philippines, is because being a traffic cop is a "macho" job, so, to show he is "macho" enough, a traffic cop must have a wife and children and a mistress and children, but his salary is not enough for that, so he must add to it... it is your business, as wealthy car driver, to help him with a pasalubong.

We therefore have a culture in which the married man is very often tempted to stray, and this is not helped by what I think of as almost the national sport of some Filipinas, which is "romantic love" (in no other country is Valentine's day talen so seriously, and see endless trashy novels aimed at and read by women, romantic films, etc) and this leads some women to think that their idea of fun should be encouraging the men to stray..

Now, the Philippines is a poor place, and contraception (see other threads!) is not readily available, so our macho Filipino may well find that he is unable to provide for his wife and kids as well as he feels he ought to. Drink and indeed drugs are readily available - both cheap... so some men take refuge in those.

The result is that some women see Filipino men of their own age as unreliable - theyare altogether too full of testosterone - they may chase other women, they may drink or take drugs and marital abuse is all too common.

From that point of view, an older foreigner can look pretty attractive. He won't get drunk chase other women or beat you and he probably has a relatively secure source of income. Furthermore, women are treated better in western societies.

But it doesnt mean that the lady is fundamentally different because she is Asian; it means that she is making a rational choice, coming from a different place. Fundamentally, she is the same. She isn't "hard wired" to prefer older men; she just thinks that for her, an older, foreign, man may be a better option. And that is not to say that she won't fall in love with him; it just means that she is starting from a different place. Where you both end up is up to you.



* I'd say this is starting to change, amongst twentysomethings in the middle and lower middle classes, now, just as it changed in Japan, a few years back, but the process is gradual.

[lastlid]

Here's a good summary on Nature v Nurture....the big debate is on to what degree behaviours are learned or are genetic in origin.

http://genealogy.about.com/cs/geneticgenealogy/a/nature_nurture.htm

[lastlid]

Here's a good summary on Nature v Nurture....the big debate is on to what degree behaviours are learned or are genetic in origin.

http://genealogy.about.com/cs/geneticgenealogy/a/nature_nurture.htm

[lastlid]

I'd say this is starting to change, amongst twentysomethings in the middle and lower middle classes, now, just as it changed in Japan, a few years back, but the process is gradual.

Probably the most significant part of your post. And the lions share of the reason behind the argument that we are indeed all basically the same across the globe.

[gWaPito]

I ought to explain my remark better.

I'm a westerner who has been married before - twice, in fact, so either

(a) - I am the last person who should be offering advice :NoNo:

or

(b) I am the ideal person, because of my wealth of experience ! ;)

Years ago, I took a job as a manager in a state owned enterprise in Beijing, in the early stages of China's "opening up", at a time when, if you were a Caucasian, children and grandmothers would come up and try to see if you were really human. People were very, very "different" indeed. But it dawned on me that the way to understand them was to assume that we are all the same, and that the important thing was to know where somebody was "coming from" if I wanted to know why they behaved as they did.

In the years since, that has struck me as one of my better ideas. It has completely stopped me from feeling scared of foreigners and of strange places. Instead, I just try to work out why people are doing what they do.

Of course, this is just a variation on the old idea of "walking a mile in the other person's shoes", but it did strke me very strongly at the time and it has helped me since, so I pass it on.

Now, getting back to the subject at hand, we know where we are "coming from" - gWaPito sums it up beautifully - so where is a Filipina who falls for an older foreigner "coming from"?

The Philippines is a very, very "macho" culture. To start with, to become a man in Filipino society, a teenager must be circumcised, without anaesthetic, without showing fear or pain. Manliness is very much a prized virtue.

The Spanish and American influences on Filipino culture have only added to this. They are both "macho" societies.

Boys are always indulged by their mothers, whilst little girls are made to help with housework and so on from a very early age and are taught to behave in a feminine, demure, way*.

This leads to some interesting complications - to quote my sister in law, the reason you must always fold a bill into your driving licence, when a traffic cop pulls you over in the Philippines, is because being a traffic cop is a "macho" job, so, to show he is "macho" enough, a traffic cop must have a wife and children and a mistress and children, but his salary is not enough for that, so he must add to it... it is your business, as wealthy car driver, to help him with a pasalubong.

We therefore have a culture in which the married man is very often tempted to stray, and this is not helped by what I think of as almost the national sport of some Filipinas, which is "romantic love" (in no other country is Valentine's day talen so seriously, and see endless trashy novels aimed at and read by women, romantic films, etc) and this leads some women to think that their idea of fun should be encouraging the men to stray..

Now, the Philippines is a poor place, and contraception (see other threads!) is not readily available, so our macho Filipino may well find that he is unable to provide for his wife and kids as well as he feels he ought to. Drink and indeed drugs are readily available - both cheap... so some men take refuge in those.

The result is that some women see Filipino men of their own age as unreliable - theyare altogether too full of testosterone - they may chase other women, they may drink or take drugs and marital abuse is all too common.

From that point of view, an older foreigner can look pretty attractive. He won't get drunk chase other women or beat you and he probably has a relatively secure source of income. Furthermore, women are treated better in western societies.

But it doesnt mean that the lady is fundamentally different because she is Asian; it means that she is making a rational choice, coming from a different place. Fundamentally, she is the same. She isn't "hard wired" to prefer older men; she just thinks that for her, an older, foreign, man may be a better option. And that is not to say that she won't fall in love with him; it just means that she is starting from a different place. Where you both end up is up to you.



* I'd say this is starting to change, amongst twentysomethings in the middle and lower middle classes, now, just as it changed in Japan, a few years back, but the process is gradual.

Excellent post CBM.

I'd go along with all of that....in summary its your conclusion that we are all conditioned to live a satisfactory way of life in our own, God given environment.

The problems could possibly start, as you suggest, when taken from that environment....no gradual change like your Japanese example.

We are also included...we also adapt to new environments....whether it changes out personalities, I dont know.

So, going by your post...if you dont want to change your partner's personality etc...dont bring them to the west?

Simplistic reply CBM..im pushed for time :rolleyes:

Btw....a reputation on its way :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[lastlid]

So, going by your post...if you dont want to change your partner's personality etc...dont bring them to the west?

Simplistic reply CBM..im pushed for time


To a certain degree yes, given time they will surely "acclimatise" in the same way that they acclimatise to food and weather. Depending on age and a few other factors.

[CBM]

Excellent post CBM.

I'd go along with all of that....in summary its your conclusion that we are all conditioned to live a satisfactory way of life in our own, God given environment.

The problems could possibly start, as you suggest, when taken from that environment....no gradual change like your Japanese example.

We are also included...we also adapt to new environments....whether it changes out personalities, I dont know.

So, going by your post...if you dont want to change your partner's personality etc...dont bring them to the west?

Simplistic reply CBM..im pushed for time :rolleyes:

Btw....a reputation on its way :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Thanks!

There's an old saw about "A man's tragedy is that he doesn't want his wife to change; hers is that she expects her husband to do so..."

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/s480x480/602496_500920253270766_953153227_n.jpg

[lastlid]

I sincerely hope core values like loyalty and compassion etc etc remain unaffected.

Obviously, the watchword over there as in thrift goes out the window....and why not..some .changes, hopefully insignificant, will take place over time.

The earlier question you posed isn't simplistic. But yes core values may well remain intact. But depends on many factors. And the older the person is the less likely they are to change. Ever read Lord of the Flies?

[lastlid]

The earlier question you posed isn't simplistic. But yes core values may well remain intact. But depends on many factors. And the older the person is the less likely they are to change. Ever read Lord of the Flies?

Mind you, in the light of CBMs last post, they were all male....:icon_lol:

[gWaPito]

The earlier question you posed isn't simplistic. But yes core values may well remain intact. But depends on many factors. And the older the person is the less likely they are to change. Ever read Lord of the Flies?

I'll go along with that analogy as well lastlid..'the older person less likely to change':xxgrinning--00xx3:

Its not looking good for the dizzy teenager :D

What do we know anyway....its playin the percentage game....Love isn't like that.

CBM....yes, we want our women not to change and they endeavour to change us....my mum worked on my dad for 63 years, it never worked.

A reputation to lastlid, if im permitted :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[WhiteBloodAda]

I think I've gone about this the wrong way........

I'm 28, and she turns 30 in November! woops!

[grahamw48]

I always told the ex I was going to cash her in for two 18-year-olds when she reached 36.

Trouble was....she ****ed off when she was 35. :Erm:

[gWaPito]

It saved you the bother Graham.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Nothing worse than looking at flowers pass there sell by :D

[songz777]

My Angeline and I ar 25 years gap, I am 49 she is 26 .. we are both very in love very perfectly suited and as if we were created for each other. She loves me dearly and devotedly, I think Filippina woman are by nature so very loving loyal and committed and have no issues with age gaps. I am blest that her ma who is 3 yrs older than me has no problem with us and we have her and whole family on both sides full blessing and freinds to. I am a very blest man indeed to be loved by such a wonderful & beautiful affectionate caring loyal young woman, who cares what people think:)

[andy222]

Actually, where my wife comes from in the Philippines they dont abandon there loved ones into institutions...they actually care and look after them by themselves....as is the norm in the Philippines....its whats expected of the family...unlike here in the west :NoNo:

We have different cultures here in the uk you will find that most asian people rally round when a family member needs help. I see it everyday. But I have seen a bit of a change where the young asians grew up in this country they are becoming more westernised.

[grahamw48]

True.

My step-daughter and step-son, other than in appearance would not be distinguishable from their Western friends now in their cultural attitudes.

[aryM]

CBM is correct ( # 9 and 11 ) ! Happiness is a goal everyone would like to achieve. A large age gap need not be a barrier to a happy and stable relationship. Many forum members are in loving relationships with Filipinas, whether or not there is a big age difference, for several reasons including faithfulness.
Each partner should look after their health, as one of their responsibilities. Being physically active is part of that. It helps strengthen relationships, improves quality of life, and reduces stress. Being inactive, obviously linked to obesity, increases the chances of many adverse health conditions ( including heart disease, diabetes and cancer ) and shortened lifespan. Two out of three adults in the UK, but less than one out of four in South-East Asia, don’t exercise enough. That doesn’t necessarily mean joining ( and actually using ) a gym. Walking 2 hours a week would help.
More members have already looked at this thread than the one on inactivity (
http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php/39931-Inactivity-killing-as-many-as-smoking
) ! Our health is vital, not only to ourselves, but to those who love and care for us.

Very well said Doc Alan!:) xx