wife when unhappy going home

[antchristie]

Hiya all I love here in Cebu,
Did some advice my wife has picked and gone back home with are daughter.Says she needs to earn her own money and prove to herself she can do things herself.

We have been married for two years and she says maybe thing happened too quick baby marriage.

Any one else has the experience of wife not earning her own money being a problem?

Any advice what can do?
Thanks

[Steve.r]

Hiya all I love here in Cebu,
Did some advice my wife has picked and gone back home with are daughter.Says she needs to earn her own money and prove to herself she can do things herself.

We have been married for two years and she says maybe thing happened too quick baby marriage.

Any one else has the experience of wife not earning her own money being a problem?

Any advice what can do?
Thanks
I think there is more going on here than just wanting to go and make her own money and take the child too. She will not 'just' want to do this to make money. I think more underlying problems in the relationship that maybe you need to look at.

Its very sad to hear this though

[stevewool]

dont know all the inns and outs but it must be so hard coming to england and to start life here compared to what it was like the other side of the world,family and friends mean so much for our loved ones they need someone to talk to other then their husband

[grahamw48]

I believe it is important that wives are able to fulfill ALL their needs. This kind of frustration often leads to relationship break up wherever you may be living.

Being away from family and friends (and their support) will be very hard for your wife too, so her feelings are understandable.

Right now she needs someone to sympathise with her and to support her.

[sars_notd_virus]

Hiya all I love here in Cebu,
Did some advice my wife has picked and gone back home with are daughter.Says she needs to earn her own money and prove to herself she can do things herself.

We have been married for two years and she says maybe thing happened too quick baby marriage.

Any one else has the experience of wife not earning her own money being a problem?

Any advice what ca
n do?
Thanks
Its unusual she didn't get over her homesickness for two years of marriage? how old is your wife? does she have any genuine friends to give good advice and go out with sometimes? I have some filipina friends who doesnt earn money, got babies but are very happy because the support of their husband is there all the time.

ps

there is no point of being married and live far away with each other... good luck to both of you and think about what's good for the future of your baby.

[irishman12]

bit confused by the post -are you in cebu or uk? -couldnt she get job in uk if really wanted?

[andy222]

Looks a bit iffy to me.

[blackcat22]

steve.r is spot on.
There is more underlying reason why she made this descision rather than the silly excuse she has given you.

When she first arrived here did you try to ease her into settling here in UK by taking her on regular once every 6 months visits back home in phils to relieve her expected home sickness during the first year or two of the marriage?

Was she neglected in any way here in England during your 2yrs marriage?
The mistake we often make is that, we men think once the marriage is done then job done. We often mistaken that our foreign wife will be happy just to set foot in England and that's it. Infact marriage is just the beginning and the real work starts after marriage.

Think back how you were treating her while she was in UK, did you leave her at home for long time bored at home on her own. did you make effort at weekends to take her out visiting theatres, movies and other places of interest at weekends?

I think after she arrived here everything just felt empty for her but rather than turning to her husband for support, she probably think it's her husband fault why she feeling this way and that's why she making going back home to earn money excuse just to get away from it all.

It's not too late tho, you can still reverse the situation by putting your hands up coming clean to her that you really messed during her stay here and point out how you plan to make changes etc... You will need to convince her you will do things differntly if she come back with you to England.

[malditako]

Hiya all I love here in Cebu,
Did some advice my wife has picked and gone back home with are daughter.Says she needs to earn her own money and prove to herself she can do things herself.

We have been married for two years and she says maybe thing happened too quick baby marriage.

Any one else has the experience of wife not earning her own money being a problem?

Any advice what can do?
Thanks

it will only be a problem if the wife feels restricted to spend on whatever she wanted.

[PAT]

I feel really sad reading this,hope whatever problems will be settle soon...

[antchristie]

Hiya Malditako,
Could not see this until you said.She has felt like i did not trust her as sometimes i would ask what she spent money on.
After saying would not spend 10,000 peso on pictures mood changed and she was off

[antchristie]

Hiya Irishman in Cebu.Was planing on UK after Living in China but wife does not want to leave home.

[antchristie]

Hiya sars_notd_virus
We live in Cebu she 28,genuine friends none that I have meet in 4 years.Wise she did i work 6 days a week all day at work 9am-10pm must days.So would love her to have that support etc on hand.It was very hard on my wife when moved from China went from two days off a week home by 8 or 9.To one month no day off.

[malditako]

Hiya Malditako,
Could not see this until you said.She has felt like i did not trust her as sometimes i would ask what she spent money on.
After saying would not spend 10,000 peso on pictures mood changed and she was off

its hard for anyone who doesn't have any financial freedom. If you can't trust her enough with your finances at least give her an allowance where she could spend to whatever she wish for without being questioned. You'll see things will get better for you both.

[sars_notd_virus]

Hiya sars_notd_virus
We live in Cebu she 28,genuine friends none that I have meet in 4 years.Wise she did i work 6 days a week all day at work 9am-10pm must days.So would love her to have that support etc on hand.It was very hard on my wife when moved from China went from two days off a week home by 8 or 9.To one month no day off.

Hi there!!
find a work -life balance and never sacrifice your marriage for your career. your wife obviously needs emotional support not just financial support from you...do more than your share of working and loving , you shouldnt stop dating your wife and give her little treats now and again...(ie.. a chocolate candy bar or a flower from the garden)

[stevewool]

there is more to life then spending money, maybe hard for people to think i want this and that and i want it now, like anything in life you have to budget, where would we all be if we spent money on that special thing today and what about the special thing tomorrow and the next day, yes have a allowance but once that is spent well life sucks then,its hard to say no to your wife, girlfriend but i afraid you have to sometimes but once you have explained why they might see things different,i wish emma could have everything she wanted but she cant and i hope she understands this, plus if you think this is the only reason for this to happen, well i know what i would say

[raynaputi]

I wanna go home too..but I don't have any money..:cwm3:

[malditako]

I wanna go home too..but I don't have any money..:cwm3:

start walking now rayna lol

[raynaputi]

start walking now rayna lol

no visa yet :cwm3:

[malditako]

no visa yet :cwm3:

hahaha you're not allowed to get out of the country either :icon_lol:

[stevewool]

I wanna go home too..but I don't have any money..:cwm3:

shall we start a collection pot :smile:

[sars_notd_virus]

no visa yet :cwm3:

yes, no passport no exit !! :icon_lol:

[antchristie]

Chefs never have the right work-balance

[Arthur Little]

Chef never have the right work-balance

Hmm ... :yeahthat: COULD, well be the root of your problems, I think! :icon_rolleyes: Wouldn't it be possible to cut down on the number of hours you're working? :Erm:

[antchristie]

i wish but thats why they pay me so much more as an expat. do think its part of problem

[sars_notd_virus]

Chef never have the right work-balance

I dont think so, ..chef knows how to balance ingredients in his menu, then you should do it in your marriage as well...:xxgrinning--00xx3:


ps
can you please share some of your signature dishes in the culture foods section.:hubbahubba:

[Arthur Little]

i wish but thats why they pay me so much more as an expat. do think its part of problem

OK ... :anerikke: ... but, to quote MY Filipina wife, "Health is Wealth"; surely fewer hours spent toiling away in the overpoweringly-exhausting heat :doh of your employer's kitchens is likely to be better for your physical wellbeing ... and might, in turn,
prove beneficial to the marriage!

[Arthur Little]

I dont think so, ..chef knows how to balance ingredients in his menu, then you should do it in your marriage as well ... :xxgrinning--00xx3:

... :gp:, Mari ...



ps
can you please share some of your signature dishes in the culture foods section.:hubbahubba:

... you chancer! :biggrin:

[antchristie]

Dishes no problem

[antchristie]

True, would like to hear what Filipina wives think.

[bhem_bhem]

Hiya all I love here in Cebu,
Did some advice my wife has picked and gone back home with are daughter.Says she needs to earn her own money and prove to herself she can do things herself.

We have been married for two years and she says maybe thing happened too quick baby marriage.

Any one else has the experience of wife not earning her own money being a problem?

Any advice what can do?
Thanks

hello,, i myself nearly left my husband (these was before we got married). i met him 2 months before my visa expires (i was living here in uk as a student) so i never really had the chance to get to know him. i thought to myself as long as we love each other we can overcome any trials we're going to face.

i got my fiance visa and everything was good, then one day we argue over money. :cwm25: he is a tight bugger.. :yikes: he's earning quite good money but we're living as if we are very poor. he moans on everything when it comes to money,, you can hear him all the time saying 'that's expensive'. :biggrin:

i started to feel unhappy and missing my old life where i am in control of everything. i begin to imagine my life would be different if i'm working in canada (been offered a job in there), i get control of my money, i can help my parents and i can do whatever i want.

we argued again so i said we really need to talk about it. i told him what i feel and he said he understand where i'm coming from. he did compromise coz he doesn't want to lose me. he still do it sometimes but i just roll my eyes now and just laugh it off coz i know that he's like that and he will never change.

with your wife, if there's no other reason behind her leaving you except she wants to work or earn money then i guess the best way is to talk about it. give her the time and affection that she wants. make sure she feels loved. sad to say, pleasing us girls involves money :icon_lol: but im pretty sure she's worth it. :wink:

[joebloggs]

then one day we argue over money. :cwm25:

:icon_lol: i've been arguing most days over money for more than 10yrs,

funny when it was just me working, if she wanted anything , 'it's only money' now she earns alot more than me, its her money :doh:icon_lol:

only Tagalog word a Brit needs to know is PERA :REGamblMoney01HL1:

[bhem_bhem]

haha.. well joebloggs,, u know by now that wives are always right.. :wink: and that you can't complain.. :icon_lol: he doesn't argue with me anymore coz he gets the hint now that when my eyes are wide open :yikes: i want him to shut up and just give the money.. :biggrin: as always he will say 'how could a small woman like you can control me like that' :laugher:

[grahamw48]

Filipinas are very scary when mad. :xxaction-smiley-047:omg::icon_sorry:

First time me and the ex had a 'tiff'...thought I was going to have to re-fit the whole kitchen AND start keeping the carving knives in a locked cabinet. :cwm24::xxparty-smiley-004:

[mickmyrna]

(True, would like to hear what Filipina wives think.)

antchristie , I am here in the uk 1 year and 3 months now , me and my husband never argue even once about financial and whatever problems need to talk to each other ... If i like something we discuss first before i buy it ... and i don't like an expensive thing anyway , my husband have no problem about me because i am like a hermit lol! ( i mean a home bird) and not materialistic girl ...now about your wife talk to her with calm voice and try to ask her about her feelings towards you, you both need to talk to each other and nobody can solve your problem only you and your partner ... hope you sorted out as early as you can ...before its too late .Myrna

[grahamw48]

Aaah the perfect wife ! http://imageshack.us/a/img79/7780/cloud90fz.gif

[bhem_bhem]

Filipinas are very scary when mad. :xxaction-smiley-047:omg::icon_sorry:

:laugher: like a fart we are silent but deadly.. :laugher:

[mickmyrna]

(Aaah the perfect wife ! ) Thats what i am Grahamw48 ....thank you and it's my first time to post here because my husband so busy of his work ... but i am always around just sitting in the corner and observing lol! You know that the hermit is always in the cave ...lol

[grahamw48]

:icon_lol::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[malditako]

lets not be hopeless romantic etc....the truth is love requires money!!!! no money no honey! :icon_lol:

[grahamw48]

Dammit....alone for life then. :bigcry:

[mickmyrna]

For me the important is LOVE ... Yes for money you can buy anything you want but do you think you can buy happiness ?

[Moy]

Filipinas are very scary when mad. :xxaction-smiley-047:omg::icon_sorry:

First time me and the ex had a 'tiff'...thought I was going to have to re-fit the whole kitchen AND start keeping the carving knives in a locked cabinet. :cwm24::xxparty-smiley-004:

:laugher::laugher::laugher::olddude:

[imagine]

Filipinas are very scary when mad. :xxaction-smiley-047:omg::icon_sorry:

:laugher: like a fart we are silent but deadly.. :laugher:

:laugher::laugher::laugher::laugher:

[sars_notd_virus]

I am just lucky to have a husband who understands everything,..I just have to know my limits.:heartshape1:
a woman should also learn how to shot her mouth in some circumstances:wink:

[sars_notd_virus]

:laugher: like a fart we are silent but deadly.. :laugher:

I just learned how to fart badly here in the UK:icon_lol:
never will i be more over the top than my husband, he still have the last say...My BOSS , thats why he is giving me everything that I need including my addiction with shoes:wink:

[Arthur Little]

a woman should also learn how to shot her mouth in some circumstances :wink:

:laugher: ... did you mean shut or shoot?? :yeahthat:

[sars_notd_virus]

OK ... :anerikke: ... but, to quote MY Filipina wife, "Health is Wealth"

I agree, knowing how to look after your partner is priceless in this world!!

Going back to basic....a food on the table whenever the husband came home from work and all knackered means a lot to them... reminding of his check ups with the doctor , medicines and food diets etc ..in short a superwoman,...a wife a friend ,playmate etc ...all-in-one woman is very important in marriage not to say being perfect but its all worth it , part of growing up i say:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[sars_notd_virus]

:laugher: ... did you mean shut or shoot?? :yeahthat:

hahahha yeah thanks sir Art:icon_lol:....am i turning into british with my spelling:icon_lol:

[Arthur Little]

hahahha yeah thanks sir Art :icon_lol:....am i turning into british with my *spelling :icon_lol:

Nah, no fears :NoNo: ... *yours is a BIG improvement on the British standards of spelling.

[sars_notd_virus]

Nah, no fears :NoNo: ... your spelling's a BIG improvement on OURS, Mari.

:icon_lol::icon_lol::xxgrinning--00xx3: thanks sir Art

[Arthur Little]

Now, farting (as mentioned by 'bhem bhem' ... above)

That's a different story ... with US it's ...

... wait for it ... > :action-smiley-081: < ... BOOM! BOOM! more like! :Bolt:

Certainly blows away the cobwebs. :icon_lol:

[Arthur Little]

Ohh ... :bigcry:... how I wish we'd a 'fart' icon. So far, :readingpapers: comes closest! :doh

[bhem_bhem]

Now, farting (as mentioned by 'bhem bhem' ... above)

That's a different story ... with US it's ...

... wait for it ... > :action-smiley-081: < ... BOOM! BOOM! more like! :Bolt:

Certainly blows away the cobwebs. :icon_lol:


:laugher: my hubby farts loud :doh that it wakes me up.. i swear i want to strangle the bugger at times for making me jump.. :cwm23::laugher:

[grahamw48]

Xmas is coming...:biggrin:7290