question to filipinas about s.e.x.

[petti]

Hello
I wonder why some filipinas dont value sex so mutch in a relationship.
I guess this does not goes for all, but mostly a filipina from a catholic community are very modest, in that area. Or am i wrong??

I wonder if some of you could educate me, in the way most woman are raised up..... if you dear :cwm12:

[Mrs Daddy]

Its a :censored: topic:icon_lol: but anyway my view to that question is that because we lived in a very reserved country that its awkward or taboo to talk about that matters but i think its too different nowadays.If you grew up in a very conservative family and when talking about sex is a big NO NO so you grew up with less interest about sex because you`ve not been brought up or educated about sex.I know its sounds funny tell me who`s parents in PI educate their children about sex?but know what my mother did when we reach the age of 20`s and I used to laughed at her because I was so uneasy,uncomfortable dealing with that stuff.but I think it helps.and about the stuff of bringing sex education in school I am very happy with that because it helps kids somehow on not experimenting sex.and also,religion in our country plays an important role it is completely wrong if you`re having sex before marriage and somehow also thats the reason why some filipina`s as you said dont value sex,have you heard a priest educating people about sex:Erm:But I think in my opinion majority of filipina value sex:icon_lol:sorry guys if i say something:censored:sex is a very important matter in marriage.look who`s talking but I`ve got a problem with that as welll its not as :censored: as before:doh:Dhope hubby will not read this:Brick::Brick::Brick::NoNo:

[petti]

Thank you mrs daddy.. im shure your husband will forgive you.
I guess its very important to try and understand this matters, as it is very important for westerns, and to keep a good life in marrige.

[Shifty-Sidney]

This is a very valid and valuable thread because sex is a big part of any marriage/relationship. Although i do not agree with most mens `need` for sex - i also know that it is very important if a relationship is going to work.
A couple of years ago my 4 year relationship ended because my then GF simply did not want sex anymore - this made her very nervous when i touched her in any way and it was frustrating for me because i really wanted to touch her. I did not need or demand actual sex and i would have been happy for us to stay together with me simply touching her, but she said this was not right so we seperated.
I think i am trying to say (and knowing this from experience) that sexual contact is important, but actual sex is not necessary - unless you want kids of course

[aromulus]

Yes......

Sex is an integral part of any loving relationship.
It doesn't matter how strong the feelings might be, sex is the cement that binds and unifies two people.

The best feelings are shown when it happens spontaneously, without pre-planning.

And not as a matter of routine.

As and when the mood takes the both of you, being mindful of where you are, at that particular moment, of course....:xxgrinning--00xx3:

It is an expression of commitment, love, respect, and as such, you cannot be selfish and just think about your "needs"...

Most Filipinas don't talk about sex, I believe.

It is not something that is discussed within the family circle, and the Church doesn't help much in that respect... unless you are an altar boy....:cwm23:

Here in the west, things are different... and the 60ies have got lots to answer for....
Sex education is taught in school, to the point where the Authorities do give free condoms and counsel for abortions to teen-agers without the parents knowledge or consent...:doh
Sex before marriage is the norm... With as many people as possible. Morality is non-existent.:NoNo:

The media keeps hammering in us what the "celebrities" are up to all the time, what they wear or don't... Who they sh*****g this week, what goes up their noses and up their :butthead:... reality TV is nothing else than a load of rubbish, but the gullible spend a quid every time they phone in...

Children fashion, today, shows that innocence does not exist anymore or not encouraged. Bra's for ten year olds...???

Just lets be happy that Filipino culture still believes in family values, real love, and respect for each other.

Unfortunately I still tend to open the doors for ladies, send flowers, and all that mushy blarney... Yes I am relic from another era....

[Shifty-Sidney]

You are not alone in the mushy stuff - i still believe in Chivelry, love and romance. There is nothing wrong with being polite and curteous. I believe in tequality between men and women, but still count on openeing doors etc.

[Ping]

Sex before marriage is imoral.A relationship base on sex will not last long.Sex is tne union of two poeples body and spirit who love and commited each other for life. It is not for sexual gratification like what happen to the new generation especially the western culture .It is part of the good moral values and self respect and decipline.

[Mrs Daddy]

what more can i say,ate ping is right!

[joebloggs]

sex before marriage immoral ?
what about people who never marry ? my sister has 2 kids, been with the same guy for 26 years, longer than most marriages last :Erm:, to some people marriage is just a bit of paper.. :yikes:

for me, who doesn't believe in god, can it be immoral :Erm:

[jken]

talks on sex makes a woman feel uncomfortable. And yes, it's because Filipinos don't talk about the topic. People do it, but no talk about it. What happens in the bed room stays in the bedroom and is not discussed.
Very contradicting with Westerners who can talk about anything about it freely.
But what if your Pinay wife says she feels uncomfortable about the topic, should u insist she has to get over it coz she married a Westerner and has to accept it? I think accepting is different from going into the cycle. I mean, hubby can talk about it.. I accept that.. but don't force me to talk about it.. and you should accept i simply won't talk.. :NoNo:

Am I making any sense here?? ?:Erm:

[petti]

talks on sex makes a woman feel uncomfortable. And yes, it's because Filipinos don't talk about the topic. People do it, but no talk about it. What happens in the bed room stays in the bedroom and is not discussed.
Very contradicting with Westerners who can talk about anything about it freely.
But what if your Pinay wife says she feels uncomfortable about the topic, should u insist she has to get over it coz she married a Westerner and has to accept it? I think accepting is different from going into the cycle. I mean, hubby can talk about it.. I accept that.. but don't force me to talk about it.. and you should accept i simply won't talk.. :NoNo:

Am I making any sense here?? ?:Erm:

Yes you do, and i understand you statement.
So what if.... a filipina or any like to have sex a little then, but something doesent feel right in the bed. Can something be done to improove the joy, by talking about it?? Hehe i will not go in details, ya all know the differencies, and how your self are doing. Or shold it just be keept quiet, and suffer?

OK.... so its like this.... IN GENERAL, NOT ALL OK?
A "person" that have a restrict relationship to sex, and have been tougt that sex is boo, boo, stay away, no talk. Will have difficulties sometimes to get the full plessure....like orgasm. This because persons with too mutch respect for sex cannot fully relax. It would be almost the same for a westener to have sex with Al Qaida....:omg:

[Alan]

Two points here:

Without 'sex' none of us would be here.

In a serious relationship surely we should refer to it as 'making love?'

Al

[petti]

Sex before marriage is imoral.A relationship base on sex will not last long.Sex is tne union of two poeples body and spirit who love and commited each other for life. It is not for sexual gratification like what happen to the new generation especially the western culture .It is part of the good moral values and self respect and decipline.

Yeeeezz. Very good point!
Sex before marrige is imoral, and many choose nowdays not do follow that.
If i would have find me a filippina hwo have not before been marryed, i would respect that statement.

How about breaking marrige. I for one have one previous marrige and so does my GF, to my wallets big challenge. Should one still wait? ... i mean the one moral ruins for another. I guess one cannot have sex with someone who is till marryed i guess....

[petti]

Two points here:

Without 'sex' none of us would be here.

In a serious relationship surely we should refer to it as 'making love?'

Al


Good point! ;-) mutch better word.
Short thinking from my side :doh....sex = making love.

[Shifty-Sidney]

You are all right! - it is refreshing to see that all on here have a respect for women that is sadly missing in most of the worlds population.

[petti]

My thinking also when i started this debate/thred, was also another very senitive thing. Men are men, and some sorry guys are not so tolerant as they shuold be. Some just dont deserve the beutyful thing as a filippina.
Some/many woman are very unfortenate to end up in chrisis centre and sutch. Could this be one reason of so many faulties?

OK dont missunderstand me here now.
My post was just made in the best intetions, so im sorry if i offend someone now.

[Alan]

Petti - I understand and agree with you. ANY exploitation of women no matter whether they are filipinas or from anywhere in the world is WRONG!

I think Mark has just said a very true thing - I think that all the men on this site (I hope) have a true respect for ladies.

I said in a thread some time ago that there was a bloke who was around about 2,000 years ago who told people to be nice to each other - they crucified him?!?!?!?!?! Look at the world now. :NoNo:

Let's make this site something the world can be proud of. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Al.

[bigtombowski]

i, like many people here, believe that sex before marriage, or outside of marriage is wrong. I tried to defend it for so long, but i think that sociologically, and of course spiritually, it makes sense to save sex - or lovemaking - for the marriage covenant and contract. I think that if someone is afraid to get married, then why be with the other person for so long? People are terrified of having any sort of legal bond to someone else :( sad

anyway, about filpinas talking about sex or not, all i can say is Mar and I have chatted very candidly about our expectations for lovemaking -- for when we have married. We have already come to an agreement in our beliefs and our desires in that regard

now we just got to wait for the minister or judge to say "you may now kiss the bride" :D


tom

[petti]

now we just got to wait for the minister or judge to say "you may now kiss the bride" :D
tom

Amen!

[petti]

Let's make this site something the world can be proud of. :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Al.

Amen again :-)

[Shifty-Sidney]

Good to see Chivelry is not dead!
Waiting for the right time is the ultimate sign of respect - it shows you care more for the girl than you do for yourself which is LOVE.
I like many western men have been married before, and this does make you a little nervous about doing it again, but I also believe the beauty and innocence of Filipina`s is worth the effort and waiting.
In fact - this is probably why it is looking like most of the blokes on here think the same way - and it is this respect for love, romance and women generally that leads us down the Filipina (and marriage) path.

[Shifty-Sidney]

:bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry:
Ohhh - I`m filling up now! - someone pass me a tissue!

[petti]

:bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry:
Ohhh - I`m filling up now! - someone pass me a tissue!

Oh god man! i cannot fin u a tissue.... how a bout a dryer?
:icon_win:
...have been following your story there...so best wishes to you!

[bigtombowski]

wow, mark, you are a really nice sensitive guy
please get married to one of my gf's friends LoL!

[bigtombowski]

Good to see Chivelry is not dead!
Waiting for the right time is the ultimate sign of respect - it shows you care more for the girl than you do for yourself which is LOVE.
I like many western men have been married before, and this does make you a little nervous about doing it again, but I also believe the beauty and innocence of Filipina`s is worth the effort and waiting.
In fact - this is probably why it is looking like most of the blokes on here think the same way - and it is this respect for love, romance and women generally that leads us down the Filipina (and marriage) path.

i just want to say that i think that is beautiful :)
tom

[Ping]

Of course marriage people talk about their sexual relationship not to broadcast it.Its only for the two people who love each other very much with total understanding about the real meaning and total commitments and responsibility.Thats why we call it love making not sex. Sex is a total lust and for sexual gratification. Mostly men can have sex to evry woman they call it fancy, and thats sexual gratification.Thats why the marriage will not last long because it was purely base on sex. Marriage life is forever.

[zef]

i just want to say that i think that is beautiful :)
tom

I think one of the main reasons I keep coming back to view this site is because there are so many people who share the same morale values as myself. When I go out for an evening with friends and colleagues from work and the guys start bragging about sexual conquests and what goes on behind closed doors I always find I'm asking myself WHY? It just seems to be the way of our culture today and I find it quite sad.
I'm certainly don't consider myself to be a prude, but what goes on in a loving relationship is only the concerns of the two people involved.

I'm finding it quite refreshing to find that there are still people out there who find love, honesty, commitment, and respect far more important than adding another notch on the bed post.

[bigtombowski]

great to hear your words Zef, and i hope you got my PM. because i know someone who would really like to meet you!

It is very rare that i find people who have the same moral and sexual ethics and values that i have so
MORE POWER PING and Mrs Daddy
and
i hope to hear from you soon zef :)

lovemaking is for those who are serious with each other in their love
if you're serious in your love, what reason to not get married di ba?!

[KeithD]

Oh god man! i cannot fin u a tissue....


Not the best of comments for a thread on sex!! :rolleyes:

[aromulus]

Not the best of comments for a thread on sex!! :rolleyes:

Use the duvet cover....:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Mrs Daddy]

MORE POWER PING and Mrs Daddy
!

thanks tom!:)!i`ve never expected it from you.cheers!goodluck to you and mar:)

[fred]

sex before marriage immoral ?
what about people who never marry ? my sister has 2 kids, been with the same guy for 26 years, longer than most marriages last :Erm:, to some people marriage is just a bit of paper.. :yikes:

for me, who doesn't believe in god, can it be immoral :Erm:

You may have a point there Joe..
A lot would depend on who gave us lessons on Morals I suppose..
I was lucky as I had good parents.
Fortunatley for me it was absolutley was nothing to do with the Catholic church..

[aromulus]

Fortunatley for me it was absolutley was nothing to do with the Catholic church..


Amen...... to that............:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

and i second that Aromulus :xxgrinning--00xx3:

the libyans at work use to tell me how they are a better person than me, because they are muslims and believe in god, :icon_lol:

sure, they lie, smoke drugs, as for catholics they can confess to their wrong doings :cwm24:....

me, I live by one rule, treat people , as you would like to be treated by them :D

[bigtombowski]

thanks tom!:)!i`ve never expected it from you.cheers!goodluck to you and mar:)

oooh really? lol

mar and i have the same beliefs as you and ping on this subject, and mar and i are living proof :D:D

[bornatbirth]

is sex before marriage so wrong even in a loving relationship?
surely talking about it is important just look at the amount of kids filipinos have when they cant even look after themselfs!and then they find themselfs falling out of love with each other anyway.....mmmmmm maybe talking is important?

[bigtombowski]

[QUOTE=bornatbirth;31447]is sex before marriage so wrong even in a loving relationship?
QUOTE]

a personal matter
for me . . .
yes - it is still wrong . . . and also for my gal . . . we feel the same
we believe that sex belongs to Marriage and that marriage belongs to an official lifelong commitment! :D

but im not judging anyone.

you make your bed and i'll make mine

[bigtombowski]

oh yes, and i do think talking about it is ESSENTIAL :D

tom

[fred]

just look at the amount of kids filipinos have when they cant even look after themselfs!Thats because its immoral to use condoms!! :tdo13:

[fred]

Amen...... to that............:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Amen.:Beer:

[Louella]

"love-making" is very important to our marriage. It's not referred to "needs" but a part to make our relationship lasting & strong. No matter if we are tired in the end of the day or we just have an argument, lover's quarrel or "tampo"...we still ended doing it.

...& now we are here in Cagayan de Oro, all my family & relatives are talking about when are we going to have a baby & it makes my husband embarass for he thinks he's old for that...& i always tell him the other purpose of marriage aside from loving each other is pro-creation...

mabuhay!!!

Louella

[Mrs Daddy]

how`s cagayan de oro t lou?hope you not forget to bring me some green manggo.:)

[PeterB]

Well, I guess that I'm going to be considered to be totally immoral! :(
But let me start by saying that Ruby and I both have a strong Christian faith and neither of us feels that God condemns us for our actions. Indeed, we recognise the hand of God at work in bringing us together - we know that it is His will!

We met, we talked, we knew that we had a good relationship, and we made the decision that we wish to have a family .. and God blessed us. Unfortunately we are not in a position where we can be officially married just yet.

Thirty years ago, I probably wouldn't have done this (well, I didn't), but I'm beginning to feel that time is running out, and want to make the most of my 'second chance'!

PS .. the baby in the photo is not hers, it's not mine, it's Ruby's cousin!

[uli43]

Good discussion. There is a tendency in the West to see sex as pure egoistic pleasure, performed with an interchangable object ... not as an act of very intime and private communication between two lovers.

What is embarassing is that the West sees its perspective on sexuality as "progressive", and sees conservative countries like the Philippines as backward - not as something that has an equal value.

As somebody said here before, it's the difference between sex and making love. Freedom means that people can make their choices between both. Not to be pressed to follow either modell.

[andypaul]

PS .. the baby in the photo is not hers, it's not mine, it's Ruby's cousin!

Glad that you mentioned that as i was thinking wow that couple do move quick:icon_lol:

[IainBusby]

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
Paul McCartney.

[Les_lady888]

[QUOTE=joebloggs;31238]sex before marriage immoral ?
what about people who never marry ? my sister has 2 kids, been with the same guy for 26 years, longer than most marriages last :Erm:,

Joe, Im a little curious.....why would a couple living together for 26 years didnt ever think of sanctifying their togetherness into marriage? Me, being a filipina always believe in the sanctity of marriage...not for the reason that Im a Catholic....but I believe that a blessed marriage is just better than not blessed at all....When I said "blessed" I mean blessed by the church. Oh pls, dont get me wrong ok....I know there is that so called "living together contract" in Europe but I always wonder what stopping the couple from marrying each other if they have been living and loving each other for quite some time (lots of years for that matter)?

me just curious :Erm:

[PeterB]

Intersting that you say that Les_lady! I know of several couples who have lived together, in 'sin', for many years, and been perfectly happy. So happy, in fact that they do then 'tie the knot'. Within two or three years of the wedding, they then separate.

For our part, Ruby and I enjoy the 'love making' as just one part of our relationship. We thank God that He has blessed us already, and we move forward with our plans to marry in April.

[joebloggs]

not just my sister, my older brother has been with the same g/f for more than 20 years, and they are not married. live in sin ? i suppose thats if you believe in god. there are bigger sins than not being married !.

its the way you've been brought up and conditioned thru your life. me, my sister and brothers, went to church of england schools. my mother was a jehovah wittness, and our father was catholic, so you see i don't think any of us believe in god.. :Erm:, so its opened our minds, and if you believe in god thats up to you, and if you think i'm going to :cwm23: for not believing, but you could believe and pray to god every day, but wrong others and you will goto heaven or paradise, then i'll take the :cwm23:.

christian or not, i still have morals and obey the laws of the land, and probably more so than your average church going christian...

:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[andypaul]

[quote=joebloggs;31238]sex before marriage immoral ?
what about people who never marry ? my sister has 2 kids, been with the same guy for 26 years, longer than most marriages last :Erm:,

Joe, Im a little curious.....why would a couple living together for 26 years didnt ever think of sanctifying their togetherness into marriage? Me, being a filipina always believe in the sanctity of marriage...not for the reason that Im a Catholic....but I believe that a blessed marriage is just better than not blessed at all....When I said "blessed" I mean blessed by the church. Oh pls, dont get me wrong ok....I know there is that so called "living together contract" in Europe but I always wonder what stopping the couple from marrying each other if they have been living and loving each other for quite some time (lots of years for that matter)?

me just curious :Erm:

Many people in the Uk and i guess the western world are not belivers in marriage and dont see what a piece of paper from the church or the state has to do with the two of them being together

[joebloggs]

the lyrics from the song 'god only knows' by the manc band james says it all

You may say I am cynical, but I say man is flawed
He has a vague memory of before some fall
Behaving like a reptile, but talks of walking tall
If god is in his image, the almighty must be small

God only knows

Swaggart has been caught with his trousers round his knees
After damning me and you to hell for eternity
Sex and power and money is the prayer of these priests
They bribe their way past heaven's gates and steal a set of keys

God only knows

My guru has been sleeping with adepts and with sheep
While I was :censored: celibate, self-righteous in belief
Yesterday he was god, now he is a creep
We fell upon each other starving for belief

God only knows

I speak in the name of god
I speak in the name of that
white haired old man in the clouds
Always a man
Dispensing lightening justice from his fingertips
Watching you every second of the day
Just waiting for you to :censored: up
I speak in the name of God
I'm his intermediary
I'm a Mollah, I'm a Priest, I'm a Vicar
If you want to go to God
You have to come through me

Is heaven full, oh lord, of these babbling preachers and
God-fearing biggots
All these sef-rightious, self-appointed prophets
because if so:-
I know where I'd rather be
Away from this cacophony
Away from this cacophony
God only knows
God only knows
God only knows


:rolleyes:

[les_taxi]

i think that if you really love someone then i still believe there is something about committing yourself to marrying that person,if your girlfriend would be even happier if you were to get married then why not.there is something very special about it and if you have found the one you want to be with forever-why not do it . yes some people live together get married then split up,but my guess they would have split up anyway,the act of getting married does not mean your going to split up, there has to be other reasons for this.maybe some couples whos love is on the wane get married hoping it will strengthen their love,but if there were doubts before or problems getting married aint gona fix it.i for one would love to see my girls face as she walks into church,knowing shes made my dream come true,then i'm sure going to make hers come true.its a special occassion for all,you ,your girlfriend and the familys. i for one think its worth it.

[Les_lady888]

[QUOTE=lestaxi1;32113]i think that if you really love someone then i still believe there is something about committing yourself to marrying that person,if your girlfriend would be even happier if you were to get married then why not.there is something very special about it and if you have found the one you want to be with forever-why not do it

Well said darling... :luv4:

Yes, it is true that "sex" is kind of a sensitive topic for pinays to talk about. Men even pinoys can easily talk about it and even feel proud and brag about their so called sexual "conquest"...but typical conservative filipinos see the subject as something really private.

I think making love before marriage is subjective. It doesn't have to do with religion nor with the social trend. It has something to do with one's sense of maturity...with how one views "sex", of love, and of the other person. If both truly love each other then "sex" is an expression of love, of expressing the other how much u need and want him/her. I believe that will always be part of marriage....but I also understand that for some, it is a pre-requisite for a lasting marriage...but I think even without it if one truly loves and is committed to the other then marriage will always be beautiful and meant to last.

Living in "sin"?? :yikes: Nah! :NoNo: He who has not sinned be the one to cast the first stone!
:Bricks:

[fred]

Living in "sin"?? :yikes: Nah! :NoNo: He who has not sinned be the one to cast the first stone!

That's just another one of the bits that the religious and self righteous conveniently forget.
Don't get me wrong..
I believe in God.

[cassie]

of course sex is very important in a relationship...but you can do it for the right time...with respect on its other,am i right?

[cassie]

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good question...

[PeterB]

Of course, Cassie!

For some, I'm sure that the 'right time' is after the ceremony, when they have a little piece of paper to prove their committment.

For others, the 'right time' may be when they are sure of their committment to one another, and to God, irrespective of formal documentary proof.