Quick...it's gonna start

[Gary]

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You ba***rd! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and
clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Oh ****, it's started"

[Eljohno]

A man is in bed with his wife one night when at 4am there was a knock at the door...

The wife tells the husband to get up and answer the door......

The Husband opens the door and a man is standing there and says "Can you give me a push"

The Husband slams the door and goes back to bed annoyed at being woken at that time of the morning.

When he tells the Wife what happened she gets very annoyed at him and tells him "How would you like it if your car broke down in the middle of the night and no one helped you"

So the husband feeling guilty gets out of bed and goes down the stairs and opens the front door and shouts" Where are you"

The man outside shouts" I AM OVER HERE ON THE SWING" :D