"I Love You"

[bigtombowski]

I have a question, and i guess it's a question of culture.

Is it a difficult thing for a filipina to say "i love you" in the same way as a westerner may say the words?

I ask because i find that it is more loving for a filipina to say "have you eaten today", or "how is your day today" or "i am happy to talk to you", than to say the words "I love you"! I was talking to a chinese friend tonight and he told me that in his culture - and in his village, its very rare to hear a husband and wife say "i love you" to each other, but they will be happily married for a lifetime!

Another question . . .

Do you think it's possible to love someone unconditionally??

I guess that all human love is transient and only an almighty and perfect love can be unconditional right?

From the experiences of you men who are married to filipnas (or long term successful relationships) -- or to you filipinas . . .

What is the best way to express love to a girl of the philippines - in addition to saying "I love you"??

is there a better way to show love instead of just talking about it?


Anyway,
i guess i said i wouldn't post for a while, but i guess i need to ask these questions!

so i look forward to all your helpful replies!

blessings
tom

[purplealien]

I guess it depends on the couple, my gf certainly says I love you a lot :)

Unconditional love, hmmmm, I feel love is too complex to try and figure out. I am sure we can love people in different ways at one time, but there is always someone extra special. It is strange, I have close friends, and I can skip contact with them for a while, but, if I don't talk or hear from my gf for a few days, its really difficult.

Say it with Flowers, Lol.

[bigtombowski]

can i ask purple, how often do you guys say "i love you" to each other . . . like in a 1 hour conversation?

(im sorry for strange qu)

[kimmi]

hi tom,

i agree with purple, when he says that saying 'iloveu' depends on the couple.me and my fiance used to say iloveu alot whenever we chat or talk over the phone..and we mean it not just saying that word..

we really cant say if its because of the culture, maybe the person is not comfortable saying those words to the person they love but instead they show it to them like for caring for them..there's a saying that action speaks louder than words..

for me it is possible to love unconditionally, like what ive seen to my parents and of course to other parents, they love their kids no matter what and expect nothing in return..

being a filipina,i guess the best way to express u love Mar is by being honest and sincere..Sometimes we dont easily believe when a guy told us that they love us simply because we know its easy to say unless it is proven..

i hope it helps..

[bigtombowski]

thank you
i guess, actions speak louder than words
and
i admit, i have been just a bit obsessive regarding my need to hear "i love you" . . . for example, if we talk twice in a day . . . and if she said "i love you" in the first convo, then it is probably still the same in the second convo - even if she doesn't say it! lol! although, in this way i am just bit obsessive-compulsive! :) but it's possible for me to deal with these compulsions - I guess i just need to grow into a mature understanding of what love actually is! lol!

so, thank you Purple and Kimmi!

does anyone have any other comments?

tom

[kimmi]

tom,

pls know that not at all times when a person said Iloveu they mean it,there are times they just said it because its what u want to hear..

But i know it is more better she says iloveu and she mean it and of course she proves it with action..

dont worry i feel that Mar really loves u, though maybe she's not just used in saying those words..

btw, have u discussed it with her?

[bigtombowski]

yeh we've discussed it, and kimmi, i know that she loves me soooo deeply and she shows it! i have just been known to be a bit posessive, and i have felt the "need" to hear "i love you" regularly
but
i am being unfair, after all, i am her first ever boyfriend, and it's easy for me to say "i love you" because i've said it before,
but i can feel that she shows her love to me . . .
and i am glad that her displays of love to me are genuine rather than just words to make me feel good!

i would rather have someone who loves me and demonstrates it, than have someone who says "i love you" but it's only words . . . and i have been immature in that i have been so focussed on the words, i have ignored the actions . . .
so
i can now grow as a person :D:D:D

and mar will benefit from this growth in me, because i will be a better man for her, and our marriage and kids in the near future :D


and also, on reflection and after reading my first post, maybe this isn't a "question of culture" but actually an issue of maturity?!


thanks kimmi!

any other thoughts?

[bigtombowski]

i just read this in a blog and i think it's wow, amazing let me share it

People in healthy relationships have the following characteristics.

1. They allow for individuality.
2. They experience both oneness with and separateness from another.
3. They bring out the best qualities in self and another.
4. They accept endings.
5. They experience openness to change and exploration.
6. They invite growth in the other person.
7. They experience true intimacy.
8. They feel the freedom to ask honestly for what is wanted.
9. They experience giving and receiving in the same way.
10. They do not attempt to change or control the other.
11. They encourage self-sufficiency of partners.
12. They accept limitations of self and other.
13. They do not seek unconditional love.
14. They accept and respect commitment.
15. They have a high self-esteem.
16. They trust the memory of the beloved; they enjoy solitude.
17. They express feelings spontaneously.
18. They welcome closeness; risk vulnerability.
19. They care with detachment.
20. They affirm equality and personal power of self and other.

[kimmi]

its nice to hear that tom, i am glad that u decided to grow and be a mature individual..i am sure that Mar will be very happy knowing that u will be growing as a mature man for her and soon to be kids..
well u already know that u're the first boyfriend of Mar so ud better understand that it is her first time in a relationship..and because she loves u she will try her very best to show and prove it to u..

Goodluck tom, I am sure u will have a loving and long lasting relationship with Mar! :)

[bigtombowski]

aww, kimmi, thank you so much for your very nice and encouraging words, and your fiance is very fortunate to have you! :)

i am encouraged by your words because my dream is just to be the very best husband and father :)

so thank you

[kimmi]

you're always welcome tom!thanks for the pm..:)

[bigtombowski]

"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'" -
-- Erich Fromm

[bigtombowski]

you're always welcome tom!thanks for the pm..:)

if you ever need any advice or a friend, then please just feel free to pm me :)

[kimmi]

dont worry if ever i will tom! thanks!:)

[Mich]

14. They accept and respect commitment.



Very nice, Tom! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[silver13]

"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'" -
-- Erich Fromm

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Sailor_JT]

Yes it is very possible to love someone unconditionally , true love is giving without limits as long as you dont hurt anyone, the only question you ask is "will it make you smile" if the answer is "Yes" then all is fine

[baboyako]

Do you think it's possible to love someone unconditionally??


That means the ability to argue, and not needing to send flowers :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[purplealien]

In answer to your question Tom, probably ten times ? It is difficult to keep track on how long we chat sometimes, Lol. I think it is also different if you are in an LDR, because you are unable to have the contact that shows you are in love with someone, (Gestures and body language, before anyone says anything.!)

[aromulus]

This "need" to hear the words "I love you" might stem from your past experience's disappointments... Which left your ego scarred, and so by default you are looking for inner security.... Self preservation... Longing for some kind of reassurance...

It is ok, I went through the stage of insecurity about the relationship.

I knew that I loved Jet from the first time we met, and she spoke to me.
I was mesmerized.
And to put away any fears, I planned to go back to Cebu a couple of months later, unbeknown to her.

The genuinity of her reception, the tears of joy, and the strenght of feelings overwhelming her, when we met again, told me many things, but first and foremost that her love and affection to me, were real and tangible. ( I do admit I was a bit sneaky:D)

http://s75.photobucket.com/albums/i287/aromulus/2006-05-12/?action=view&current=secondtripGotchaVideotheshock1415.flv

Although she says "i love you" many times during the course of our twice a day chats, and I appreciate to see it, it is not really needed, because I know within my heart, that she really means it.

After you meet your Mrs Bowski to be, you will have no doubts.

Either way.....