My wife wants me to leave our home.

[gWaPito]

Sorry to burden you folks but things are starting to get on top of me now. ..Our marriage is evidently over. It has been for quite a while. ..my wife is putting pressure on me to leave. .like leave as soon as yesterday. .I've explained I just can't walk away as things has to be sorted. She won't have any of it and wants me out now. .my emotions are all over the place. ...best described as bereavement. .you can't think clearly etc etc. .we have 2 boys aged 1 and 2 both had there birthdays last week. .I love them so much! !! I don't want to leave my babies! !God this is hard ..life can be so ..... ..she won't let me kiss and cuddle them without her being abusive to me. ..as always I'm under time restraints so I'll add more later. .oh I got a request. .Sars, please don't call her and ask questions. .it causes so many problems. .I must work now. . Cheers

[Moy]

not good to read but i think your wife undergoes the Postpartum Depression:anerikke::NoNo: its just my opinion maybe try to sort it in any way possible...
goodluck

[Pete/London]

I am sorry to hear of your troubles and I wont bore you with details of my previous life.
If I could just say one thing, if you are living in UK DONT move out what ever the provocation, stay out the way and try to let things cool down.
Good luck

[gWaPito]

I am sorry to hear of your troubles and I wont bore you with details of my previous life.
If I could just say one thing, if you are living in UK DONT move out what ever the provocation, stay out the way and try to let things cool down.
Good luck
Thanks Moy. ..This isn't PND. .I've experienced that with my first wife. .Thanks Pete. .she says if I love our boys as much as I do I would leave now without question. .of course I love them! She says hear they are safe. .anywhere else they won't be. .I'm in such a bad situation. .damned if I do damned if i don't. .to hell with me it's the babies welfare. .yet they no nothing of what's going on. .always laughing ..such happy babies. .I'll do anything for them. .my mother in law teeth have broken this morning so I must fix them. .mama been such a big help since being here since March. .she's a good women. .she cries when things get bad. .I don't argue with Jane. ..I do at every one else's peril. .I can't level any criticism or anything constructive without war breaking out. ...

[gWaPito]

Please excuse my lack of grammar. .sorry

[grahamw48]

That's an intolerable situation you're being put in my friend.

I have been through exactly the same thing myself.

If only they knew (or cared) what a nightmare this is for us fathers.

Rule 1: seek legal advice
Rule 2: do NOT move out
Rule 3: do NOT trust her. No matter how much you want to, or think that you can.

You do NOT need to move out. DON'T do it !

When my ex and I were drifting apart, I rejected the idea of going to 'relate'.

In hindsight, they may have helped.

I'm sure you don't need me to remind you, but of course it is the children who need to be considered above all else.

You WILL always be their dad, and you will always have your rights in law to see them.

I really feel for you, and no doubt you will be portrayed by your wife as some sort of monster to anyone with whom she discusses your marital situation. :NoNo:

Try to keep focussed on bringing about an outcome that will do the least emotional and financial damage to all involved. Avoid acting on impulse !

[gWaPito]

Thanks Graham. .really a big thank you. .I'm not the impulsive one Graham. .which is just as well...mama going back Philippines in August. .she/we won't manage without her. .she does all the house chores along with being a virtual mum...If she goes. .all bedlam will break out..Jane won't manage Graham. .what we take for granted. .sense and sensibility does exist. .I know Graham. .I'm so afraid of the future of our boys

[grahamw48]

IF there is anything remotely positive in this situation, it is that the boys are still so young, and not as likely to be badly affected emotionally.

For the moment, just try to get a grip, keep the atmosphere in the home as calm as possible, and if you think alternate life plans need making, then that's what you need to start doing....for your children.

As they get older, they will start to see you as an individual and will judge you on your own merits. Just make sure that you are a person whom they can respect and admire, to counter the negatives coming at them from elsewhere.

So, now is the time to be strong.

[Iani]

Grief, mate I'm really sorry to hear this is happening, and the way you are typing the messages is proof enough how your emotions are all over the place.

I have little experience of this, and what I did was probably the "wrong" way of doing it - in other words I cannot offer much advice.
All I can do is echo what Graham is saying - if at all possible DO NOT MOVE OUT. In the UK this changes things legally apparently, according to a friend whose husband left her and got legal advice anyway.

I hope this does not sound abrupt, but there is the other way of looking at it - to the outsider, this seems to be a case of her just wanting you out, and never mind the "bigger picture" of who those babies need. The bit where she says if you loved them you'd go.......well what a load of rubbish. If you loved them you would do the best thing for them - by staying, helping them, and working things out like adults, not do the best thing for HER.

A good friend of mine got taken absolutely to the cleaners by his ex. I don't want to muddy the waters here by saying what happened, but she turned out to be a right :censored: I don't want this to happen to you.

I'm of little use for advice but I'm here to give support as are many on this site.

[fred]

Gwaps.. I really don't like giving advice in a situation like this as you know the whole story,the ins and the outs and we do not.
If it were me..Personally I would not move anywhere.. Whether she likes it or not,its still your home and a place where you help bring up your kids.
As long as there is no physical abuse what gives a Woman the right to ask her husband to leave his family home?
What I do know is..Once the man does leave then the woman rights begin to increase tenfold
If it were me,I would stay in the house. If it was so unbearable for her to stay,then SHE could leave allowing the kids to remain in their home with their Father of course!!!
Seek legal advice ASAP without telling her.. Be prepared and stay strong!!
I can feel your pain from here BTW..
You have many good forum friends here.. Take comfort in that.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Ako Si Jamie]

Sorry to hear about your situation gWaP. Why is she being so unreasonable and abusive?

[bigmarco]

So sorry to read your post Gwapito. I was fortunate when in a similar situation some years ago that my girls were old enough to make choices, so she had to go and I kept the girls.
From what you say it seems that she wont be able to cope when mama goes in August so I think it's important that you stay where you are for the time being.
I totally agree with Grahams 3 rules and suggest you take legal advice immediately.
Don't do anything silly and think of the boys at all times. They need you.
My very best wishes :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

Sorry to hear about your situation gWaP. Why is she being so unreasonable and abusive?
Jamie your guess is has good as mine. .I've no idea. .she has wanted for nothing throughout. .I'm a good provider. .good daddy and so i thought a good husband. .I don't smoke drink or waste money gambling. .I'm vice free. .i live and breath for my family. .it's not enough. .bigmarco implied I should try and keep things harmonious. .I am bigmarco God i am ..the provocation is never ending. .constant needle. .even when the boys in my arms and I'm playing and talking with then she mimics in a cruel way what im saying. .see i have a slight speech impediment which she now delights in. ..10 years ago I had a nervous breakdown. .she reminds me of that and says that im on record of had a mental illness so she says she going to use that saying I'm unfit to have our boys. .breaks my heart saying all this. .really it does. .my ex wife whom i was with 27 years has offered me a roof with the blessing of her live in boyfriend. .even my daughter and her husband to be has offered me a home. .I can't be all that bad a person

[Moy]

Thanks Moy. ..This isn't PND. .I've experienced that with my first wife. .Thanks Pete. .she says if I love our boys as much as I do I would leave now without question. .of course I love them! She says hear they are safe. .anywhere else they won't be. .I'm in such a bad situation. .damned if I do damned if i don't. .to hell with me it's the babies welfare. .yet they no nothing of what's going on. .always laughing ..such happy babies. .I'll do anything for them. .my mother in law teeth have broken this morning so I must fix them. .mama been such a big help since being here since March. .she's a good women. .she cries when things get bad. .I don't argue with Jane. ..I do at every one else's peril. .I can't level any criticism or anything constructive without war breaking out. ...

sorry for intrusion of coversation..but if you dont mine how old is your wife?? i mean age here doesnt matter am just kind off curious and try to understand the situation is i might NOT know her that much or you but i exactly know how you feel and i might have been through on how she feel right now but good thing is am still here very much married and with 3 kids its difficult but i do manage to pick my self up on those bad years that me and husband suffered and struggling and now i can say i could be more tougher in any trials that might come on our way..i had use that as weapon the experienced we had before it might not for all but it does teaches us a bIg lesson and be more responsive and able to express the feeling more often to our husband/partner/wife etc..if you know what am sayin..anyway kept smilin :wink:

[gWaPito]

Fred Graham bigmarco and others who have offered a advice .I'm grateful! !!! I know how lucky i am to be part of this forum with such nice people. .you see, I was disenfranchised with family and friends from as good as the outset. .I felt totally isolated. .I know that was the aim. ..lucky friends and family have stood by me. .Please bear with me. .I'm working. .thanks xxx

[Dedworth]

Gwap so sorry to hear all this, on the surface sounds like she's had some kind of mental breakdown. I can't really add to what others have said, I'd fully agree with staying put and getting legal advice. She's the one making the unreasonable demands. 12 or so years ago something similar happened to a mate of mine, he's brought up both of his daughters then aged under 5. His now ex wife had some serious heredity alcohol problems.

Stay strong.

[Terpe]

Hi Mark, this is sad indeed. I'd hoped that with the arrival of mama the situation could calm down.

Sorry I can't offer any wisdom apart from that already given.

No matter how much pressure do not leave the house, and for the sake of the kids and yourself get some legal advice. That will best inform you on your decision making.

Plenty of good people here to support you on your journey

[Ako Si Jamie]

Jamie your guess is has good as mine. .I've no idea. .she has wanted for nothing throughout. .I'm a good provider. .good daddy and so i thought a good husband. .I don't smoke drink or waste money gambling. .I'm vice free. .i live and breath for my family. .it's not enough. .bigmarco implied I should try and keep things harmonious. .I am bigmarco God i am ..the provocation is never ending. .constant needle. .even when the boys in my arms and I'm playing and talking with then she mimics in a cruel way what im saying. .see i have a slight speech impediment which she now delights in. ..10 years ago I had a nervous breakdown. .she reminds me of that and says that im on record of had a mental illness so she says she going to use that saying I'm unfit to have our boys. .breaks my heart saying all this. .really it does. .my ex wife whom i was with 27 years has offered me a roof with the blessing of her live in boyfriend. .even my daughter and her husband to be has offered me a home. .I can't be all that bad a person
Has she only been behaving like this recently? If it's definitely not depression and it's not something you've done to hurt her, there's only one logical explanation I can think of that might be the reason for her behaviour.

[gWaPito]

Has she only been behaving like this recently? If it's definitely not depression and it's not something you've done to hurt her, there's only one logical explanation I can think of that might be the reason for her behaviour.

You're quite possibly right Jamie. .as for doing anything wrong, I can only think it's my breathing what annoys her. .she also forbidden me from the forum because of me talking to other females. .how ridiculous is that, you say. .believe me that's not the end of it. ...nothing logical here Jamie. .you got to experience it to believe it. .what tipped the balance this time, on our youngest son's first birthday was I asked her wear an envelope was I left on the kitchen table. .she said I didn't know then I foolishly questioned why the house in disarray considering their is 2 of you here ..Well that was it. .all hell broke. .all the evil things you can think of to say to me was said. .birthdays ruined. .it was madness. .I wanted to run into the street. .I remember how i felt when my sister told me dad had just died. .This is how i felt. ..gutted. .you what else, if she got someone else then great. .that person would be doing me a service. .my only concern is my boys. .that is how she got back here from our holiday in Philippines. .without the boys I wld of left her their, I swear.
Moy, you are not interrupting! Her age is 31 going on 6yo.
Thanks Terpe for your discretion over the past months. .

[Moy]

Moy, you are not interrupting! Her age is 31 going on 6yo.
Thanks Terpe for your discretion over the past months. .

goodness how funny as that kind of age i felt the same way as she feel honest..:cwm3::cwm3: not very good i know think your wife suffer from depression as well..apart from being not wanting you anymore:bigcry::bigcry::Help1::xxaction-smiley-047
she should think twice and think the kids..and the future really..:ReadIt::wink:

[stevewool]

cant add much to what others have said, but DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE, have you also thought about getting a live in help to help with the chores and kids when MUM goes back to the phils

[gWaPito]

IF there is anything remotely positive in this situation, it is that the boys are still so young, and not as likely to be badly affected emotionally.

For the moment, just try to get a grip, keep the atmosphere in the home as calm as possible, and if you think alternate life plans need making, then that's what you need to start doing....for your children.

As they get older, they will start to see you as an individual and will judge you on your own merits. Just make sure that you are a person whom they can respect and admire, to counter the negatives coming at them from elsewhere.

So, now is the time to be strong.
This is my train of thought Graham. .the situation I'm in now was always inevitable. ..like you said. ..the babies won't be scared and they won't have memories of there daddy being humiliated . .that I don't want. .Thanks Graham.

[stevewool]

Jamie your guess is has good as mine. .I've no idea. .she has wanted for nothing throughout. .I'm a good provider. .good daddy and so i thought a good husband. .I don't smoke drink or waste money gambling. .I'm vice free. .i live and breath for my family. .it's not enough. .bigmarco implied I should try and keep things harmonious. .I am bigmarco God i am ..the provocation is never ending. .constant needle. .even when the boys in my arms and I'm playing and talking with then she mimics in a cruel way what im saying. .see i have a slight speech impediment which she now delights in. ..10 years ago I had a nervous breakdown. .she reminds me of that and says that im on record of had a mental illness so she says she going to use that saying I'm unfit to have our boys. .breaks my heart saying all this. .really it does. .my ex wife whom i was with 27 years has offered me a roof with the blessing of her live in boyfriend. .even my daughter and her husband to be has offered me a home. .I can't be all that bad a person

you are not a bad person, never forget that, i am afraid you may have come to the end of your marrige, get legal help straight away you must do this for your own sake, we all mean well here but we can only help by listerning to you, please seek legal advice

[gWaPito]

cant add much to what others have said, but DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE, have you also thought about getting a live in help to help with the chores and kids when MUM goes back to the phils


I can't plan that far ahead Steve. .I gotta get through what I'm going through now. .Thanks Steve
Btw. .in an ideal world there should be no reason she can't manage by herself..my mother had 6 of us by the age of 29..she managed. .anyway, I'm talking about an ideal world. .This is one what's not. .imagine the expense of payin for professional home help. .I'd be working for nothing. ..not only that. .she says she don't need help and can do it all by herself. .I know different. ..

[gWaPito]

you are not a bad person, never forget that, i am afraid you may have come to the end of your marrige, get legal help straight away you must do this for your own sake, we all mean well here but we can only help by listerning to you, please seek legal advice
I know Steve. .This is all I need. .someone to listen. .This is something I haven't had in a long time. ..Cheers xxx

[Doc Alan]

Mark, having just welcomed you back to the forum I was surprised and shocked to read this thread. I only know what you have told us on the forum, both in this and previous threads, so it’s hard to help you more than the good advice already given by your friends here. I believe a few may have been more closely involved in supporting and trying to help you – all credit to them.


It seems that you are being supported by your ex-wife and others who know you well and that must help. Of course you may be assured of support from your forum friends in addition.


I understand you’re working while also responding to posts on this thread. May I suggest that as soon as possible you try to rest, and find time for yourself, in order to think and plan as clearly as possible your next moves. Put yourself first and don’t feel obliged to immediately respond to posts here.


Above all, prioritise and don’t worry about any other forum threads – even ones which you may have recently started or made contributions. Least of all, you don’t need to apologise for grammar !



Mark, I have already said, I don’t know any more than what you have posted here, so forgive me for attempting to add advice to that already given.


However, I suggest you need time off work and also a visit to your own doctor. He or she should be able to help – not only counselling but also prescribing drugs which are effective in helping your undoubted anxiety and likely inability to sleep. Your doctor is well placed to judge what should be best for you. Jane also clearly needs medical advice.


You may think it impossible to escape for even a short walk in the fresh air – but that would help far more than remaining “ caged in “, and certainly it would not be sensible to take more than a small amount of alcohol. You need your wits about you.


Please don’t think this advice is anything other than well-meaning. I wish you all the best, as I’m sure all other members wish you – many, I suspect, will find it hard to find the right words for you in your situation.

[Ako Si Jamie]

she also forbidden me from the forum because of me talking to other females. .how ridiculous is that, you say. .believe me that's not the end of it. ...nothing logical here JamieIf she's jealous of you speaking on this forum I think my theory's probably wrong.

Maybe someone wants you two to split up and has put something in her head??????

If I was you I'd disappear for awhile but don't move out. The last thing you need is your head getting further mashed up.

[bigmarco]

If she's jealous of you speaking on this forum I think my theory's probably wrong.

.

Not necessarily in my experience Jamie. I consider myself pretty sharp but I endured some strange behaviour before I realised what was going on.
Grahams rule 3 is very important now

Rule 3: do NOT trust her. No matter how much you want to, or think that you can.

[gWaPito]

Mark, having just welcomed you back to the forum I was surprised and shocked to read this thread. I only know what you have told us on the forum, both in this and previous threads, so it’s hard to help you more than the good advice already given by your friends here. I believe a few may have been more closely involved in supporting and trying to help you – all credit to them.


It seems that you are being supported by your ex-wife and others who know you well and that must help. Of course you may be assured of support from your forum friends in addition.


I understand you’re working while also responding to posts on this thread. May I suggest that as soon as possible you try to rest, and find time for yourself, in order to think and plan as clearly as possible your next moves. Put yourself first and don’t feel obliged to immediately respond to posts here.


Above all, prioritise and don’t worry about any other forum threads – even ones which you may have recently started or made contributions. Least of all, you don’t need to apologise for grammar !



Mark, I have already said, I don’t know any more than what you have posted here, so forgive me for attempting to add advice to that already given.


However, I suggest you need time off work and also a visit to your own doctor. He or she should be able to help – not only counselling but also prescribing drugs which are effective in helping your undoubted anxiety and likely inability to sleep. Your doctor is well placed to judge what should be best for you. Jane also clearly needs medical advice.


You may think it impossible to escape for even a short walk in the fresh air – but that would help far more than remaining “ caged in “, and certainly it would not be sensible to take more than a small amount of alcohol. You need your wits about you.


Please don’t think this advice is anything other than well-meaning. I wish you all the best, as I’m sure all other members wish you – many, I suspect, will find it hard to find the right words for you in your situation.

Thank you doc Alan. .I'll be honest, when I first put in words my predicament, I cried. ..I'm that bloody hurt Alan ..I've been fooled. .I don't drink Alan. .I'm just trying to hang on. .hang onto something I'm going to loose. ..I don't care about the house. .all I want is my babies safe. .I don't think she is right Alan. .I think she has some sort of personality disorder. .what she says and does, doesn't add up. .what can I do. .I've been in denial since October. .hoping and praying it will work out. .I thought with mother in law here it will take stress and pressure off her. .it's certainly helped me. .I'm not ironing into the morning on my rest days. .that alone is worth mother in laws stay here. ..Alan, I dare not go to the doctor. .it will be used against me, if and when that information can be used against me. .you see, I was under the doctor a decade back coz of mental breakdown. .I made an appointment for Wednesday but now seriously thinking of not going. .I'll read over and over the replies when I'm back home. ..Thank you all so much xxx

[bigmac]

i havent read this topic word for word---but---i cant help thinking there could be someone else involved here---either in the UK or the philis. do you think you might have been used?

[Ako Si Jamie]

Not necessarily in my experience Jamie. I consider myself pretty sharp but I endured some strange behaviour before I realised what was going on.
Grahams rule 3 is very important now

Rule 3: do NOT trust her. No matter how much you want to, or think that you can.She's pretending to be jealous you mean? That's possible.

[Terpe]

Mark, I pm'd you

[grahamw48]

i havent read this topic word for word---but---i cant help thinking there could be someone else involved here---either in the UK or the philis. do you think you might have been used?

I understand exactly where you're coming from mate, but with all due respect I think Mark has enough to cope with right now, without worrying about the involvement of 'other parties' . Maybe best we stick with his immediate predicament. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Notavirusalso]

oh I got a request. .Sars, please don't call her and ask questions. .it causes so many problems. .I must work now. . Cheers

My wife "Sars" recived a text to which she phoned back at Jane's request, There is no offence intended and wish you the best of luck with your situation. I have asked my wife not to get involved but if Jane wishes to call her then thats fine but we will not interfere with your life. People have to remeber that there is two sides to every story and should not be so judgemental without seeing the whole picture as it is in many cases. If you are looking for help and advice on here try to give as much accurate information as you can to get the best appropriate help and advice.

[gWaPito]

i havent read this topic word for word---but---i cant help thinking there could be someone else involved here---either in the UK or the philis. do you think you might have been used?

Yes bigmac ..Jamie already implied that.

Graham Terpe...I'll pm my number when I got chance to open my pms.
.Thanks xxx

[Pete/London]

Mark, just a couple of things to add, women get really put out by ex wives and daughters from previous marriages, its like walking on eggshells, plus the fact your wife is Filipino, who can be quite fiery. If she is anything like mine they can find fault in what we would consider the most trivial of things so try not to throw petrol on the fire.

Why don't you make up some reason to take yourself away for a couple of days, on your own, things may well cool down.

[imagine]

im real sorry reading your post, i feel for you in your situation, having been where you are on more than one occasion, my ex the first time left with my 3 daughters the youngest was 6 months,when i visited i felt my youngest didnt recognise me anymore that cut me up, after losing my house my job my wife and kids all in the same week, it was hell,after being separated for 9 months i pushed to be with her and my kids again, mainly because i didnt want to be without my kids, a few more years together then my x thought the grass was greener on the other side , she left for a younger guy she met at work, leaving the girls with me this time, after only 1 week being left she asked to trade a quick divorce in exchange for easy legal custody for me and my girls,
on the advice given to you not to trust your wife i agree very strongly, if a court case comes up you would be surprised how that woman you thought you knew can say the most wicked things against you, much not true and plenty twisted truths,

on the subject of her mocking you with your slight speach impediment, how about slipping a voice recorder in your pocket, the time may come that you need some defence against her,

as others have said, dont leave your house, if you do you will have no rights left at all,

i would have much prefered to say i hope you can work things out, but from what i read thats not going to happen,

take care of your health, like the doc says take time off, rest whenever possible, try get your mind as clear as possible, walks are great for thinking and clearing your head,

take care of yourself through this, taking care of your health now is vital,

i dont know what else to say, but like everyone here on this forum, our support is here for you

[Terpe]

Mark, I sent you another important PM
Please do take a look now.

[bigmarco]

Probably wise not to say an awful lot more on here to be honest.
Good luck Mark :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

My wife "Sars" recived a text to which she phoned back at Jane's request, There is no offence intended and wish you the best of luck with your situation. I have asked my wife not to get involved but if Jane wishes to call her then thats fine but we will not interfere with your life. People have to remeber that there is two sides to every story and should not be so judgemental without seeing the whole picture as it is in many cases. If you are looking for help and advice on here try to give as much accurate information as you can to get the best appropriate help and advice.

Thanks Dave...glad you let me know. .I guess it'll be fire and brimstone when I get home later. ..Dave, could you ask Marie to ask Jane to be amicable when I'm around which isn't very much. .I know she goes into a state of heightened agitation when in view.
I'm sorry I can't help that. .I'm not talking to her or anything really. .we been sleeping separately for weeks. .so no really reason to stress when I'm around. ..tomorrow I'll food shop as normal then go to my mum's. .im not hanging round the house Dave. ..I'm working all I can to stay away. .Cheers Dave

[gWaPito]

Mark, I sent you another important PM
Please do take a look now.

Steve Terpe and Graham. .I've just sent you personal messages. I really appreciate the advice.
Thanks Stewart for your post. .that sounded like hell. .all in a week too. .God bless us!

[grahamw48]

Message received mate. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Terpe]

Steve Terpe and Graham. .I've just sent you personal messages. I really appreciate the advice.
Thanks Stewart for your post. .that sounded like hell. .all in a week too. .God bless us!

:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

:xxgrinning--00xx3:

BT got it right. .it certainly is good to talk. .This morning when I woke, my heart was beating out of my chest as Jane was coming down the stairs.... .later I get to work and finally get the courage to open up. .it's been and up and down day today. .and I'm sure this is only the start but at least i feel a weight taken from my shoulders. .Thank you all so much. ..I'm now anxious about going home. .bye for now. .

[jake]

Mark, have sent you a PM. Only my thoughts. How you wish to proceed is entirely up too you.

Best Wishes to everyone involved.

[gWaPito]

Mark, just a couple of things to add, women get really put out by ex wives and daughters from previous marriages, its like walking on eggshells, plus the fact your wife is Filipino, who can be quite fiery. If she is anything like mine they can find fault in what we would consider the most trivial of things so try not to throw petrol on the fire.

Why don't you make up some reason to take yourself away for a couple of days, on your own, things may well cool down.

Thanks Pete. .Why on earth should we tread carefully where ex wifes and daughters are concerned. ...hell, they are our flesh and blood and whether the present wives like it or not they will always be a part of us. .the ex wives becoz of the daughter link..Pete, our wives knew the score before we married them, just like we knew the score with what goes on with some Filipino family. .we don't like it but we accepted it for better and for worse, through thick and thin. .hahaha (sarcasm for the ones who don't get sarcasm), that rings hollow now. .. ..the difference being the attachment here with our kids of previous marriages are emotional.....well tough titty! !!!!.....what we meant to do, dump them and think no more about them ..bull .... I say. .we accept their family politics (nonsense) they accept that we have family here. .thing is Pete they don't want to share our love. .even though a totally different ....blah blah blah! ! You could be explaining ( that's if you can get a word in ) until you're blue in the face. .Some have the inability to put oneself In another person's shoes.

[gWaPito]

Mark, have sent you a PM. Only my thoughts. How you wish to proceed is entirely up too you.

Best Wishes to everyone involved.

I'm grateful for your pm Jake. ..considering we haven't spoken before, I'm doubly grateful. .Thanks

[Arthur Little]

Needless to say, Mark, :cwm25: I'm deeply shocked and saddened to read about the seriousness of your domestic situation. Although vaguely aware that relations between you and Jane have been somewhat strained for some time, it seemed to me that ... :anerikke: ... whatever the cause(s) and nature of the problems the pair of you had experienced as a couple, they'd been "ironed out" on your return from the Philippines.

Clearly this ISN'T the case, and - while it's true that sometimes, "the least said ... soonest mended" - I would have to reiterate the views expressed by others, in so far as I, too, find it unreasonable of your wife to expect you to "upsticks" and leave an environment you have worked long and hard to create for her and your two little boys.

Likewise, I believe you've been given wise counsel privately, by a number of people - whose advice you can rely upon 100% - so it would be inappropriate for me to add further comment ... except to assure you of my thoughts and prayers throughout this very difficult period.

God Bless! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Ako Si Jamie]

I was going to suggest to have it out with her but I thought I'd be stating the obvious but then again the obvious can be bypassed and I'm speaking from experience.

[Michael Parnham]

All I can say is"never leave your home" I did and lost everything I'd worked all my life for, and now at 70 years old with my new wife I'm starting all over again, and it's not an easy ride. Good Luck, hope it works out for you:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[grahamw48]

Same happened to me Michael.

I must say, you're a brave man. Good luck to you and your wife. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

All I can say is"never leave your home" I did and lost everything I'd worked all my life for, and now at 70 years old with my new wife I'm starting all over again, and it's not an easy ride. Good Luck, hope it works out for you:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Thanks for the advice Michael. ..that's certainly worth a reputation!....a belated welcome to the friendly FilipinoUk forum :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[tiger31]

whatever happens DO NOT MOVE OUT I did that the first time and I deeply regretted it .you will need a house if you get access to the children ,so if she is the problem which I think is the case here tell her to leave .The council will then have to rehouse her and you will have a house to bring the kids to .The biggest danger here is if she runs back to the philippines with the kids you might not see the kids again .But please seek advice and help to resolve this situation there are lots of people who have gone through this i,m sure you will find help good luck whatever happens

[SimonH]

Sorry to read of your situation, I can only re-iterate what others have said.
1. DO NOT move out
2. Seek legal advise
3. Check you bank account(s), especially joint ones.
4. Keep a diary of daily events/threats/arguments/insults
5. Stay rational
6. Do not retaliate or lose your temper, this will be used against you.
7. If you have a spare room then move into that
8. remember DO NOT move out

Wishing you all the best in these traumatic times

[gWaPito]

Tiger and Simon. .I appreciate your advice and kindness really I do. ..This is my third marriage so you would think I'd be well versed on this. ..on the practical side of things I am. ....emotionally its killing me. .like today, I didn't want the day to start. ..I didn't sleep until 5 this morning. .the daylight filled me with dread. ..still, I got doctor's appointment tomorrow. .He may give me some happy pills. .I haven't been on them for many years. ..I thought all this stuff had finished for me. ..I'm beginning to empathise with Job from the Bible. .hell, he suffered more than anyone. .anyway, enough feeling sorry for myself. .I'll going to visit the only woman, my Mother ( apart from my daughter) who says I'm alright :icon_lol: ..what the hell am i saying! ..

[cheekee]

I have no advice, I just wanted to say take care and I hope things get better for you.

[alan_mac]

Leaving home/not leaving home shouldn't make any difference. I left 5 years ago and have a happy and civilized sharing agreement with my ex. My 3 have half the week with me and half with her and it all works very well.

The key is open and emotion-free dialogue and agreement. In your case I think you can't do that with your wife. I'd call someone from social services to act a mediator.

I actually don't care about you or your Mrs but your wee ones shouldn't be fought over in this way.

Get someone to mediate and get a vasectomy.

[gWaPito]

I have no advice, I just wanted to say take care and I hope things get better for you.
Thanks cheekee..I appreciate your kindness
Cheers

[malditako]

why she wants you to leave home?...there must be a reason and that u need to sort out. hope things get better for both of you

[malditako]

why she wants you to leave home?...there must be a reason and that u need to sort out. I dont know you nor your wife...but as u said this is your third marriage it seems that you can't hold and keep a marriage or just not lucky enough with the ladies you go into. Maybe u need to reflect as well what have been wrong. Either way I hope things get better for both of you and for whats good with your kids. Drama and frequent fights in the house sounds not right for children.

[gWaPito]

why she wants you to leave home?...there must be a reason and that u need to sort out. I dont know you nor your wife...but as u said this is your third marriage it seems that you can't hold and keep a marriage or just not lucky enough with the ladies you go into. Maybe u need to reflect as well what have been wrong. Either way I hope things get better for both of you and for whats good with your kids. Drama and frequent fights in the house sounds not right for children.

You haven't read all the posts so I'll put my 3 marriages into perspective for you.

I was with my first wife for 27 years. We met at high school. .she became pregnant at 18yo i was 20...like you do, we married. .we had nothing. .we started from nothing. .18 months later we had our Daughter. .life still tough for us but we were happy. .we had our ups and downs like every normal marriage does. ...the kids grew up just fine. .both have professional jobs. .they are doing very well. ..as for us, we built up from a council house to a £350,000...we had a European American and a Caribbean holiday most years. .the reason we broke up was because of infidelity. We are all on talking terms. .much so, my daughter and ex wife have offered me roofs with their partners blessings. .put simply, if I was such a bad man, they wouldn't give me the time of day.

My second marriage foolishly came close after my first. .i married a Filipina I met on filipinaheart.com ....she left me after 10 months of being here in UK. .she was young and wanted excitement. .unfortunately I couldn't provide the excitement she wanted.
She left me in the June The same day my dad had a heart attack and died. On her departure from our house she poured nail varnish over the the place. .like I said, this was done in the afternoon of the morning of my Dad dying.

Again, I rushed into another relationship with another Filipina on the same website. .and found Jane. .This I will start our story. ..in the meantime, I know some of you guys are missing your girls like mad and are maybe having difficulties getting your partner because of funding. ..let me tell you, it's not, especially in my case to have funds. Look at the mess I've gotten myself into all because of my immense stupidity and being able to get what I want, when i want.
Before both my wives came here, our relationships were never tested. .unlike you guys that are struggling with visa issues. .we never had any of that.

I must work now. ..I'll continue this sorry state of affairs later in the day.

Cheers
Mark

[Janedan0913]

well, dont move out. In the Philippine law, the children will stay with their mother up to the age years old. When they are old enough to decide to whom they want to stay with, then they have the freedom to live with their mum or dad. If she continues to be like that, then let her move out and let the kids stay. I know you are in a hard situation, but i think if she doesnt want to talk about the problem then there's no point of staying together. Unless she fancy someone and just blaming on you talking to females here in the forum. I know this is a friendly forum, but we are entitled to give our opinions and advice to other people. It is up to the person if they will accept it or not. I feel sorry for you. Remember, you are in UK, and you have all the rights to your children. As long as you are not doing anything wrong, then you have all the rights to stay. All of us are here to help and give you advice. Please try to be strong and if you have any problems, just feel free to ask any advice. I dont want you to add up to the patients who end up having depression in the end due to separation or domestic violence.We have lots of patients like that who end up in Pennine care. I hope I have enlightened you a bit. Just always love your kids and be patient to your wife.

[Arthur Little]

I hope I have enlightened you a bit.

:iagree: ... a very perceptive and well~thought~out response, Jane ... :thankyou: I'm sure Mark will greatly appreciate your kind words of encouragement. :smile:

[gWaPito]

well, dont move out. In the Philippine law, the children will stay with their mother up to the age years old. When they are old enough to decide to whom they want to stay with, then they have the freedom to live with their mum or dad. If she continues to be like that, then let her move out and let the kids stay. I know you are in a hard situation, but i think if she doesnt want to talk about the problem then there's no point of staying together. Unless she fancy someone and just blaming on you talking to females here in the forum. I know this is a friendly forum, but we are entitled to give our opinions and advice to other people. It is up to the person if they will accept it or not. I feel sorry for you. Remember, you are in UK, and you have all the rights to your children. As long as you are not doing anything wrong, then you have all the rights to stay. All of us are here to help and give you advice. Please try to be strong and if you have any problems, just feel free to ask any advice. I dont want you to add up to the patients who end up having depression in the end due to separation or domestic violence.We have lots of patients like that who end up in Pennine care. I hope I have enlightened you a bit. Just always love your kids and be patient to your wife.

Hi Jane.
Thank you for taking the time to post, I really appreciate it.

I've said to my wife, if you want to go then please go. ..the trouble is Jane, she won't leave without our boys. ..This is how selfish she appears to be. ..she would rather take our 1 and 2yo boys from a familiar safe loving environment with all their toys etc to one that would be totally the opposite with, in our boys eyes, a total stranger. .the thought sends me cold.
So the pressure is on me to get out otherwise this is what she is going to do.
I dread going home from work in case she's ran with our boys.
I know we have laws here protecting both parents giving both parties rights to visitation etc. ...I know my wife won't allow this, no matter what the law says.

All this is purely out of spite. .I've got no idea why she wants to hurt me so much. What sort of Mother would want to deprive the love of father and his Sons. .pure evil.

We are not fighting shouting or screaming at each other, let alone in front of the boys. .a ridiculous notion. The boys remain happy and contented.

For me, its a struggle. .I work late into the night so I don't come downstairs until 10am..I prepare for work and leave around 10.30...the boys normally take shower at 10 so as i walk down the stairs Mother and Mother in law pick boys up. .nothing wrong in that.
What is wrong is that the wife gathers up the youngest before he can get to me so I can't kiss and cuddle him. .same for our eldest boy. .such a rush to get him from my arms. ..she won't let me get close to them! !!!!
I was thinking may be it would be a good idea to leave, at least I'll have rights to have them. ...then again this is my wife, she would never let it happen.
I'm in a lose lose situation.
I'm praying for divine intervention. .literally I am. ..it's all I've got.

Cheers
Mark

[grahamw48]

DON'T leave.

You will regret it.

[gWaPito]

DON'T leave.

You will regret it.

Graham, I'll give you an ldea of what I'm up against.
I said to her 'whoever you got Jane, you better make sure he has money' she answered 'why, you will be looking after me because if you don't, the boys will suffer' which not only tells me she is evil but quite possibly she could've got in touch with an Old flame whom she was with before me. As I understand it, he was meant to have come back to Philippines but was unable because of no work etc.

Btw. ..I know of this man. .no way do i want my boys to be near him. .I can't go into why but the guy is of vile reputation. These are my options Graham. .bloody nightmare!

[tiger31]

if you leave she wins just sit it out she wants you to leave so lover boy can move in if this is the case and guess what you'll be paying her bills. listen to all of us and stay put ok

[grahamw48]

Yep, again similar to my case. :icon_rolleyes:

You've got to see through the pain, paranoia and craziness Mark, and consider the long term goal.

Very very hard, but can be done.

Obviously the children need to stay in this country though, and the priority has to be their welfare and (happy) future .

[fred]

Graham, I'll give you an ldea of what I'm up against.
I said to her 'whoever you got Jane, you better make sure he has money' she answered 'why, you will be looking after me because if you don't, the boys will suffer' which not only tells me she is evil but quite possibly she could of got in touch with at Old flame whom she was with before me. As I understand it, he was meant to have come back to Philippines but was unable because of no work etc.

Btw. ..I know of this man. .no way do i want my boys to be near him. .I can't go into why but the guy is of vile reputation. These are my options Graham. .bloody nightmare!

Gwaps.. If you leave,you have made good her plan.
Nothing ever good comes from a situation like this but if you leave it can only get a whole lot worse..
Do whatever you decide to do,but dont forget..You aint thinking clearly right now.. How could you be?
Dont be pressured to leave..With hindsight you may agree one day.
Too late then.

[gWaPito]

if you leave she wins just sit it out she wants you to leave so lover boy can move in if this is the case and guess what you'll be paying her bills. listen to all of us and stay put ok

Yes Tiger. ..I'm not moving. .it's just I get emotional when leaving house for work and she won't let me kisses and cuddle my babies! :bigcry:
My Daughter reading all this now. .she says to stay put too even though I'm welcome to stay with her and husband to be.
She says she's bluffing and she won't put babies in danger.
Thanks :bigcry:

[tiger31]

good i'm glad your thinkin' straight lots of us have been through this and people deal with it in different ways but most all agree that by staying put no matter how much it hurts is the only way forward in this situation if you start caving into her demands she will take you to the cleaners. now one thing I think you can do is get an injunction stopping her from taking the kids back to the philippines without your consent, this is where you need legal advice but make sure she doesn't know that you are doing it .

[Arthur Little]

Hi Jane.

We are not fighting shouting or screaming at each other, let alone in front of the boys. .a ridiculous notion. The boys remain happy and contented.

:yeahthat:'s of paramount importance!


For me, its a struggle. . *I work late into the night so I don't come downstairs until 10am..I prepare for work and leave around 10.30...

... :anerikke: ... perhaps *that is PART - if not at the root - of your marital troubles!


... nothing wrong in that

Hmm ... that, my friend, is where you and I would disagree! Whilst it's all very well to work hard (as you most evidently do!) in order to provide your kids with the best-possible start in their lives ... it inevitably comes at a heavy price (as you're now discovering for yourself). And it seems to me, at any rate, that that price has, over time, exacted its toll in terms of the long hours you've put into your job - stealthily eroding what began as a loving, shared partnership between you and Jane. Jane, don't forget, has been the person left alone in the house (your mother-in-law's current presence excepted) to cope with the constant demands of two toddlers - born within as many years of one another - all the while. How do you imagine she feels about her husband seldom being around to share her emotional needs as a wife and mother because of the erratic exigencies of his work schedule?

Think about it, Mark :icon_rolleyes: ... where's the point in scrimping and saving to maintain a house valued at £350K? Surely it would be worth downsizing materialistically [including earnings' wise] for
the sake of preserving the wellbeing of your marriage!

[gWaPito]

:yeahthat:'s of paramount importance!



... :anerikke: ... perhaps *that is PART - if not at the root - of your marital troubles!



Hmm ... that, my friend, is where you and I would disagree! Whilst it's all very well to work hard (as you most evidently do!) in order to provide your kids with the best-possible start in their lives ... it inevitably comes at a heavy price (as you're now discovering for yourself). And it seems to me, at any rate, that that price has, over time, exacted its toll in terms of the long hours you've put into your job - stealthily eroding what began as a loving, shared partnership between you and Jane. Jane, don't forget, has been the person left alone in the house (your mother-in-law's current presence excepted) to cope with the constant demands of two toddlers - born within as many years of one another - all the while. How do you imagine she feels about her husband seldom being around to share her emotional needs as a wife and mother because of the erratic exigencies of his work schedule?

Think about it, Mark :icon_rolleyes: ... where's the point in scrimping and saving to maintain a house valued at £350K? Surely it would be worth downsizing materialistically [including earnings' wise] for
the sake of preserving the wellbeing of your marriage!

Just a quick one Arthur. .still busy here. .I don't have the big house any more. ..that got sold with the divorce of my first wife. ...I only mentioned all that stuff because it was implied I had issues with women because I'd been married 3 times.
Im currently living in a 2 bed terrace worth £130000 on a interest only mortgage. ...I'm presently pot less Arthur. .financially this is what's all this has cost me.

Yes, I can hear the choir. ...oh happy days oh, happy days

The purpose I'm working like this is to save for a mortgage on a 3 bed house when my credit rating has cleared up in November this year. ..we want to get the new house and settled in before James starts mainstream school in 2 years time.
Cheers Arthur

Btw. ..I bought myself some night time reading. ...'Proof of Heaven' by Dr Eben Alexander.
Not sure it was a wise move considering my world is crashing around my ears.

Still, I'll let you know if it's any good.

[Arthur Little]

Thanks so much for the rep you gave me earlier, Mark ... especially at such an incredibly stressful juncture.

Can I just add that, even though I haven't yet had the pleasure
of meeting you personally, my intuition tells me you're a decent,
family~orientated bloke whose overriding concern has always been/will continue to be for his loved ones, come what may.

Therefore, I wouldn't want my previous post to give you the impression I'm "taking sides" :nono-1-1: when, in fact it is purely intended as "food for thought". :wink:

[stevewool]

have you seen a solicitor yet, and have you told him what your fears are about the children, its ok you saying that your partner wont agree with anything the courts or you both agree with, but she will have to, remember you have rights too, stick with what you are wanting and if its right the law and the people will be behind you 100%,
some of us have been in the same place as you are and its frightening you dont know what to do or where to turn, its great us giving advice on how we got through it and we did but in the end its the courts and the solicitors that are there to help you both,

[gWaPito]

Thanks so much for the rep you gave me earlier, Mark ... especially at such an incredibly stressful juncture.

Can I just add that, even though I haven't yet had the pleasure
of meeting you personally, my intuition tells me you're a decent, family~orientated bloke whose overriding concern has always been/will continue to be for his loved ones, come what may.

Therefore, I wouldn't want my previous post to give you the impression I'm "taking sides" :nono-1-1: when, in fact it is purely intended as "food for thought". :wink:

Cheers Arthur. ..I know you mean well, that's why I said what I said in my last post here.

Just giving you the picture here. On that note I hear some saying, no wonder she wants out what the point of staying with an old geezer if he hasn't got a pot to pee in.
You see, this is what proper married couples do. .we work it out which is what we did. .plan was in place. .I'm still on good money so no change there. .it's just saving for our goal, namely x amount for a deposit next spring. .we know how much. .all perfectly achievable.
Arthur. .This has nothing to do with our problems. .

Cheers Arthur

[Michael Parnham]

Stay where you are, if she's got someone else everything will be in your favour, DON'T MOVE! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[bigmarco]

I think you need to slow down brother and have a bit of Mark time. Forget the plans for the time being as they are clearly not on her mind.
You need to take your foot off the gas and sit back and get your head straight about what's best for you and the boys. You've got some serious :censored: going on in your life and it cant be good taking this to work everyday. You could have an accident.
Mark I don't know a lot about your work situation but if you were in my Job I could easily get you at least a few weeks off to try and deal with some of this and perhaps some counselling to help you.
Anybody you can talk to at work ?

[grahamw48]

Good point Marco.

Only 2 years ago my work colleague and friend, 35 years old and a really lovely guy, drove his car into a tree not too far from where I live. It burst into flames and even if he'd survived the impact, he was burned beyond recognition.

He'd been having lots of problems getting proper access to his young son, and it was clearly causing him an enormous amount of mental anguish.

His death came as a great shock to me personally, and of course to all his other friends and workmates. Very very upsetting for all concerned, and now that sweet little child who he so worshipped is without a father.

It pains me to think about it now. If only we'd spoken on the phone that evening, or gone out for a drink TOGETHER.

[gWaPito]

Gwaps.. If you leave,you have made good her plan.
Nothing ever good comes from a situation like this but if you leave it can only get a whole lot worse..
Do whatever you decide to do,but dont forget..You aint thinking clearly right now.. How could you be?
Dont be pressured to leave..With hindsight you may agree one day.
Too late then.
Thanks Fred. .you are right of course. .I've calmed down down. .appreciate your understanding
Cheers
Mark

[imagine]

i dont think legally a parent can take the children out of the country where a marrage has broken down, without the permision of the other parent, i would think you could get a court order on that if it is your fear, ask a solicitor

[gWaPito]

I think you need to slow down brother and have a bit of Mark time. Forget the plans for the time being as they are clearly not on her mind.
You need to take your foot off the gas and sit back and get your head straight about what's best for you and the boys. You've got some serious :censored: going on in your life and it cant be good taking this to work everyday. You could have an accident.
Mark I don't know a lot about your work situation but if you were in my Job I could easily get you at least a few weeks off to try and deal with some of this and perhaps some counselling to help you.
Anybody you can talk to at work ?
Thanks bigmarco. ..there are no plans for the house, Marco. .that's all out the window. ..I was explaining what the plan was.
We have a works hot line for employees with troubles. .it goes to a central office so all is supposed to stay within 4 walls. I don't want to involve work Marco. .they know of what's going on. .I owe them at least that..they've been good to me. ..especially when I first hooked up with Jane in the January for a 3 week holiday and I didn't return to work until April...they could of fired me.
What do I do if I'm not working Marco? If I go to mum's all I get is. ..'you lost all that money....how the mighty have fallen' blah blah blah. ...then she tells me, it's alright Mark, it'll sort itself out. .does my head in! ...go to see my ex wife and her boyfriend ...I don't think so. .honestly, how sad is this. ..all I got is work and you guys. ..it's a fifty minute drive to work from my house. ..that's spent bawling like a pathetic baby all the way there coz that effing cow won't let me get close to my babies.
Never in a million years did I ever think I'd be stupid, sad and lonely enough to get mixed up with someone like this.
I used to be such a proud man. .I was self confident...even family came to me for advice about money. ..I've totally screwed up everything.
Don't worry Marco. .im a professional, the boys will need me, will need them. I won't mess this job up. ...I save all the outpouring for back and forth to work. I'm looking after myself. .. I intend being around for many years yet Marco.
My Daughter Emma says come dad, you can become what you once was. ..it's just I crumple when I think of my babies. .God, I'm typing this now upset ...still, it's good I'm told, good to talk and get it off my chest. ..no more isolation, ever!

[gWaPito]

Good point Marco.

Only 2 years ago my work colleague and friend, 35 years old and a really lovely guy, drove his car into a tree not too far from where I live. It burst into flames and even if he'd survived the impact, he was burned beyond recognition.

He'd been having lots of problems getting proper access to his young son, and it was clearly causing him an enormous amount of mental anguish.

His death came as a great shock to me personally, and of course to all his other friends and workmates. Very very upsetting for all concerned, and now that sweet little child who he so worshipped is without a father.

It pains me to think about it now. If only we'd spoken on the phone that evening, or gone out for a drink TOGETHER.
I remember the night you told us Graham. .as if it was yesterday. Absolute shocker.

[Ako Si Jamie]

Found a few sites that may help too Mark

http://www.dad.info/dad-talk-forum

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/

[gWaPito]

Found a few sites that may help too Mark

http://www.dad.info/dad-talk-forum

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/

Thanks Jamie. .i appreciate your help. .I'm trying so hard to get my head around all this. ..even though I knew for a long time things weren't right. .nothing can prepare you for this.

[junior02]

Thanks Jamie. .i appreciate your help. .I'm trying so hard to get my head around all this. ..even though I knew for a long time things weren't right. .nothing can prepare you for this.

Sorry to read your about your situation. Just wondered did things start going wrong when your mother in law arrived, when I lived in rp with wife she was nightmare sometimes as she always had mother to run to, she use to make up all sorts of bull to cause argument she wanted me to leave many times I NEVER DID ONCE, since bringing her to uk and away from her family she is ok now. This is hard to understand but true what you have to remember is if a foreigner marries Filipino, the Filipino family come 1st the kids we have with them 2nd and their foreign husband LAST.. also they are jealous drama queens.. Just stick in there..

[gWaPito]

Sorry to read your about your situation. Just wondered did things start going wrong when your mother in law arrived, when I lived in rp with wife she was nightmare sometimes as she always had mother to run to, she use to make up all sorts of bull to cause argument she wanted me to leave many times I NEVER DID ONCE, since bringing her to uk and away from her family she is ok now. This is hard to understand but true what you have to remember is if a foreigner marries Filipino, the Filipino family come 1st the kids we have with them 2nd and their foreign husband LAST.. also they are jealous drama queens.. Just stick in there..
Hello Junior,
Thank you for taking the trouble to share.
It's good to see you are still around on here.
Since Mother in law has been here it's been a whole lot better. ..she does so much. .even in times of trouble, things still need to be done around the house. .especially with our boys in the house, normality and routine is key.
On the contrary Junior, Mother in law is worth her weight in gold. ..hence my anxiety for when she has to leave August 14.
I understand about 'normal' jealously Junior. ..even though I hate that emotion, what I'm experiencing goes beyond all of that. ..I could give you a catalogue of instances of insane jealously that I experience that would make your teeth curl.
This has nothing to do with the Filipino mindset.
Cheers Junior

Mark.
Btw...I didn't get to see my boys again today, let alone kiss them. ...she took them out.
At least I wasn't bad mouthed. .I feel good about that.
I find this bad mouthing destroys the soul. ..it does mine.

Have a good day all...the sun is shining

[gWaPito]

Good point Marco.

Only 2 years ago my work colleague and friend, 35 years old and a really lovely guy, drove his car into a tree not too far from where I live. It burst into flames and even if he'd survived the impact, he was burned beyond recognition.

He'd been having lots of problems getting proper access to his young son, and it was clearly causing him an enormous amount of mental anguish.

His death came as a great shock to me personally, and of course to all his other friends and workmates. Very very upsetting for all concerned, and now that sweet little child who he so worshipped is without a father.

It pains me to think about it now. If only we'd spoken on the phone that evening, or gone out for a drink TOGETHER.

This is what concerns me, getting proper access. ..I know her, she will do all she can to keep them from me. I know there are laws but believe me, that will make no difference. ..yes, eventually she will have to obey but how long will that take. .it takes ages, in the meantime I'm going off my head and the witch loving it. .These types don't want closure and still waters. .isolation and destroy. .natural born predators.

[stevewool]

you as a parent has every right to see your children when it suits the children and yourself, we all have experienced bad times, it took me a very long time to get things sorted with myself and the kids, my ex would let me see them when she needed to go out so in other words a free baby sitter, but as long as you write every little thing down and keep a record that will hold you in good stead for when the courts decide if you both cannot do that yourself, its hard but the best thing is to keep busy yourself

[highlander01]

Best of luck. It must be a nightmare when things go toxic like your situation. Hopefully in time things will settle down a bit.

[gWaPito]

Best of luck. It must be a nightmare when things go toxic like your situation. Hopefully in time things will settle down a bit.

Thank you Highlander. ..it's definitely one of those living types of nightmare. ..I'm lucky I got loving family ( family i thought I lost ) rallying around and good friends I never knew I had. ..God bless them all.
For me, this is where my faith plays a blinder....Not to say I don't have bad days because i do. The sun's been shining today..If only for 365 days!

Cheers
Mark.

[Neu75]

Hello Junior,
Thank you for taking the trouble to share.
It's good to see you are still around on here.
Since Mother in law has been here it's been a whole lot better. ..she does so much. .even in times of trouble, things still need to be done around the house. .especially with our boys in the house, normality and routine is key.
On the contrary Junior, Mother in law is worth her weight in gold. ..hence my anxiety for when she has to leave August 14.
I understand about 'normal' jealously Junior. ..even though I hate that emotion, what I'm experiencing goes beyond all of that. ..I could give you a catalogue of instances of insane jealously that I experience that would make your teeth curl.
This has nothing to do with the Filipino mindset.
Cheers Junior

Mark.
Btw...I didn't get to see my boys again today, let alone kiss them. ...she took them out.
At least I wasn't bad mouthed. .I feel good about that.
I find this bad mouthing destroys the soul. ..it does mine.

Have a good day all...the sun is shining

I think your wrong.
I had a Philippino girlfriend and her jealousy was the worst.
Understand this and your halfway there i think
Take time off and talk it through for the kids sake.

[gWaPito]

I think your wrong.
I had a Philippino girlfriend and her jealoussy was the worst.
Understand this and your halfway there i think
Take time off and talk it through for the kids sake.

Thanks for the advice neu75.

Im doing everything for the greater good of my little chomperlots :bigcry: God I am

[gWaPito]

Hello again :smile:
Just an update. .I met with solicitor on Monday and basically he confirmed what you guys have already told me ..ie I'll be taken to the cleaners if i left my house.
I would be paying her 20 % of my income plus mortgage and insurance also I'll be paying her maintenance as well.
I could stop the maintenance payment if I divorced her. The divorce, going by the solicitor's estimation would cost me around 7k. All the other payments would continue.
He said my only hope is she goes back with her mum to the Philippines.
He added that if she's being troublesome with child access now, imagine what's it's going to be like when or hopefully not, gone. ...you'll be spending a fortune on trying to enforce access etc. ..your life will be intolerable.
The solicitor advice was hard to swallow but he was talking from experience. .experience of getting guys like me through his doors most weeks of the year.
I posted last night but removed it. .too emotional. ..I slept better last night so not feeling as awful. .the night time is the worst.

Cheers
Mark.

[tone]

Hi Mark
I've not been in here for a while too and was dismayed to read your headine post, I've been ground down to being left with nothing (in my last marriage) and I too echo some of the wise words by others having speed read a lot of the posts.
Its good to hear you have at least got some legal perspective now - its never good news hearing what the solicitors say, in hindsight, and I've been through court action for contact and maintenance reviews a few times - these can become very protracted and the estimates of costs needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.
I wish you very good luck and I'll keep an eye on your posts - if there is any titbit of data that would help I'll post it up.
Good luck - keep a level head record everything - any interaction you have with her you should record - my ex was a very good story teller until I produced recordings. There may be some data issue there so openly tell her you may record your interactions, especially with the points about attitude to the children.

Best wishes mate.

Tone

[grahamw48]

Nice to see you back Tone. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[tone]

Nice to see you back Tone. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Hi Graham
Thank you - really lovely to hear!

Tone

[fred]

Hi Mark
I've not been in here for a while too and was dismayed to read your headine post, I've been ground down to being left with nothing (in my last marriage) and I too echo some of the wise words by others having speed read a lot of the posts.
Its good to hear you have at least got some legal perspective now - its never good news hearing what the solicitors say, in hindsight, and I've been through court action for contact and maintenance reviews a few times - these can become very protracted and the estimates of costs needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.
I wish you very good luck and I'll keep an eye on your posts - if there is any titbit of data that would help I'll post it up.
Good luck - keep a level head record everything - any interaction you have with her you should record - my ex was a very good story teller until I produced recordings. There may be some data issue there so openly tell her you may record your interactions, especially with the points about attitude to the children.

Best wishes mate.

Tone

Good advice Tone!! Reps on way.
Gwaps.. Get yourself a recorder man!!

[Terpe]

.... There may be some data issue there so openly tell her you may record your interactions, especially with the points about attitude to the children...

I stand to be corrected but as I understand it you would be highly unlikely to be breaking any privacy or data protection law.

Section 36 of the Data Protection Act states that:-


Personal data processed by an individual only for the purposes of that individual’s personal, family or household affairs (including recreational purposes) are exempt from the data protection principles and the provisions of Parts II and III.

Secret recordings are, in many circumstances, accepted in court even if the person being recorded didn't know it.

Always seek legal advice BEFORE using such evidence and seek proper guidance on how to present it though.

Food for thought

[fred]

Secret recordings are, in many circumstances, accepted in court even if the person being recorded didn't know it.

I should hope so!! If the person knew they were recording they would probably come across as sweetness and light!!
Good common sense and a damned good lawyer..Thats what I think!!

[gWaPito]

Good advice Tone!! Reps on way.
Gwaps.. Get yourself a recorder man!!

I'm on it Fred :xxgrinning--00xx3:.....the level headed bit is a big ask. ..I'm at 6s and 7s at the moment.
You know I never for one minute did I think I was set up from the off.
Solicitor said we are getting guys like you, meaning I'm a homeowner and in a steady well paid job. . As soon as ilr and citizenship appears that's when problems start. .he said its a well beaten path. They start giving husband a rough time. .encourage him to leave for the sake of the kids etc. .bingo, they've hit the jackpot. .the house becomes theirs with money, thanks to the government, rolling in from the husband up until the kids leave school. ..so I ain't beating myself up what I've done wrong, ive done nothing wrong except fallen for the wrong person ....sure doesn't make it any easier for me :NoNo:

Tone. ...Thank you so much for your input. ..I really appreciate it.

[imagine]

i suggested a pocket recorder earlier, secret recording of whatever she says will stand as good evidence , be strong you will get through this

[gWaPito]

i suggested a pocket recorder earlier, secret recording of whatever she says will stand as good evidence , be strong you will get through this

You did Stewart and I didn't forget. .I also didn't forget your week of madness when you lost it all. ..I've thought about what you went through then the subsequent illness. .surely would of put many over the top. .God bless you Stewart

[stevewool]

its good that you have seen a solicitor,lots of travelled the road you are on and everyone will have a similar story to say but everyone will have a different outcome,
As long as you stick to your guns you will be fine, but you will lose everything that you loved, the cost will be on going, but you will get over it, maybe what this person has said about her going back to the phils is the best outcome he was telling the truth sorry to say,cant say much more just stick to what you want

[tone]

Guys
I'm really pleased to have offered some useful input.

Terpe - very useful to have dug up the legal point on recordings thanks for looking into that.
Fred thank you for your kind words!
Mark - most welcome, I have literally been through this and I have a good memory! please ask any Q's and along with the great Guys and Gals on here will try and offer some advice.

Smartphones are very useful for recording - I only use apple but I can use iCloud to automatically backup anything on my phone to cloud should the phone be subject to unorthodox experiences!

Again best of wishes.

Tone

[gWaPito]

its good that you have seen a solicitor,lots of traveled the road you are on and everyone will have a similar story to say but everyone will have a different outcome,
As long as you stick to your guns you will be fine, but you will lose everything that you loved, the cost will be on going, but you will get over it, maybe what this person has said about her going back to the phils is the best outcome he was telling the truth sorry to say,cant say much more just stick to what you want

Thanks Steve. .
I did ask him his honest opinion. ..he certainly gave it. .he's been doing this for twenty years so he knows the outcome of these events. .I know they can change the boys names etc but never the birth certificates. .I can even get replacements. ..so no matter where they end up on this globe I'll always be here for them. .my children from my first marriage will look for them too. .I know she will take them away. ...With British passports they can go anywhere. .Thank God for the Internet. .One click of my name. .I'll be there, if only on screen.

[grahamw48]

The children can't go anywhere without your permission Mark....or that of a Judge, if you take out an injunction which costs peanuts and is extendable (as I did) , BECAUSE they have British passports.

[Dedworth]

Gwap - read up here and get a court order for the passports to be surrendered

http://www.pact-online.org/Advice/advice-preventing-your-child-from-being-abducted-pact-parents-and-abducted-children-together-parental-abduction-missing-children-associate-of-icmec.html

[gWaPito]

Gwap - read up here and get a court order for the passports to be surrendered

http://www.pact-online.org/Advice/advice-preventing-your-child-from-being-abducted-pact-parents-and-abducted-children-together-parental-abduction-missing-children-associate-of-icmec.html

I keep saying thank you thank you thank you but putting nothing into action! .
This is so bloody hard. .honestly I wish the ground would swallow me up. .This is so awful.
I dread when the day comes when I hear no more James and Jobe voices downstairs. .I came home last night and saw a long message on the kitchen table. .my heart sank. .I couldn't read it. .I closed my eyes and turnt it over. It was relief when in fact it was a request for more money. ..I didn't read it until the morning. .I'm talking the big talk here about this and that. ..I'm full of rubbish. .I'll tell you the truth, when it happens she walks with my beautiful wonderful smiling babies, I'm a dead man

[grahamw48]

Mark.

Make an appointment with your solicitor asap, go along to the judge with him/her, and have an injunction taken out to prevent removal of your children from this country.

Take a day off work if needs be. It's VERY important.

That's exactly what I did. I think it cost about £100, and the initial order was for 6 months...renewable.

THEN you can see about sorting out their passports (I'd just pocketed my boy's already).

[imagine]

as ded and graham said put a stop to her being able to take your children out of uk, get your ass into gear my friend before its too late, fight you have as much rights as her , you must fight to keep your chidren here dont leave it to chance

[imagine]

yes get your hands on their passports, good idea graham :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[bigmarco]

Lots of good advice here Mark so it's time to get planning because you can be sure she's planning away.
If I was you I'd be doing my utmost to lay my hands on the boys passports and get rid of them.
Next do what Graham says and get an injunction preventing their removal.
Also read that link that Ded posted I just have and it's interesting stuff.
You've had a low blow mate so it's time to pick yourself up and start fighting back. Once you start :censored: her plans up she'll want to talk.
Similar situation some years ago and when I realised what was happening and got over the initial shock, I decided I was more than happy to lose her but I wanted the kids. I was lucky because mine were older but I got what I wanted.
Time to toughen up Mark and that includes the money as well because she'll keep taking if you keep giving.

[stevewool]

lots of wise words from all here Mark, but its you that has to make all this happen, it will not go away and you know you have to.

[Michael Parnham]

After reading all the advice and comments Mark, I sincerely wish you all the luck and success in the world, I dread to think how you must be feeling at the moment, and I'm sure the sun will shine again for you after it's all over, God Bless You!

[DaveyWallis]

I'm really sorry to read of your troubles Gwap, I think that most of us wear that T shirt.

I agree with everyone else about not moving out of your home and can add little but a couple of points.

Solicitors, like everyone else, want to have as easy a time as possible and may not always give the best advice - just the advice that makes it easier for them to earn their money. Seven grand sounds massive by the way, I think mine cost just over one.

Experience shows me that whilst you have a moral responsibility to house your ex and the kids it isn't a legal one. Courts will tend to divide assets in favour of the woman but from what you have said about your mortgage being an interest only one there may not be much to split anyway.

Before I met Grace I dated a woman whose husband had walked out on her and the kids and only paid the interest element on the house for the first 9 months. After that he stopped paying.

The house almost got repossessed, it went to Court twice. Her solicitor said that there was nothing that she could do as he was actually behaving within the law.

The divorce went to Court for the split of assets and at no time did the ex-husband get criticised for his behaviour.

My second point is that when I got divorced I went to see the firm of solicitors who were supposedly the best in Nottingham. The solicitor, who is fairly famous, told me that my house (she hadn't paid a penny toward the mortgage and other bills) was my 'gift' to my ex while me having access to my kids was her 'gift' to me. He then charged me £250.

I ditched him and found a different solicitor. I ended up keeping the house, albeit having to pay her approx £50k to buy her out, and secured a 50/50 shared care arrangement for the children.

My point is that some solicitors serve their own interests ahead of their clients so when yours talks about you paying the mortgage for your wife he could be simply making life easier for him rather than you. Maintenance for her and the kids yes, mortgage no. Let her find somewhere to rent instead. The maintenance that you pay would go towards the rent, the rest she can find for herself.

[DaveyWallis]

One more thing.

Your solicitor is correct about 20% of your earnings - but this is after tax, NI and PENSION CONTRIBUTIONS. Therefore, if you want to reduce the amount you pay set up a pension scheme, if you don't already have one, and put as much as you can in there each month. I'm not sure if there is a maximum amount you can pay in.

Use this site as a rough guide to how much you'd have to pay. Having the children for a night or two each week will help reduce the figure further, and would be fantastic for you and them.

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

Being self-employed helps a lot too. The CSA hate dealing with self-employment cases.

[grahamw48]

Good info' there...some rep on its way. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Terpe]

One more thing.

Your solicitor is correct about 20% of your earnings - but this is after tax, NI and PENSION CONTRIBUTIONS. Therefore, if you want to reduce the amount you pay set up a pension scheme, if you don't already have one, and put as much as you can in there each month. I'm not sure if there is a maximum amount you can pay in.

Use this site as a rough guide to how much you'd have to pay. Having the children for a night or two each week will help reduce the figure further, and would be fantastic for you and them.

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

Being self-employed helps a lot too. The CSA hate dealing with self-employment cases.

Good info Andy n Grasya :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Also your post #116

Rep from me also

[gWaPito]

Thanks Andy. .appreciate the time you you spending the time writing this. .I'll read this page again when with more time. ..my problem is Andy is a wife who refuses me any contact with my kids and im still living there. .the only reason is pure spite. .spite of an evil woman. .This is why my present solicitor said what he said. .God divorce is bad enough without a wife wanting to totally destroy you.
She's had enough of the marriage but wants all what came with it. ..House money and the boys with me kicked out. .very brave isn't she.
'Two sides to every story' you ain't got a clue what you are on about!
By the way, that wasn't directed to any active contributors on here.
Michael. ..Thanks for that ...bigmarco ..I know mate. .daughter said I gotta start getting mean and treat likewise...Thanks imagine. .solicitor wise I can't say anything. .it's getting back.
Thanks for your patience guys :heartshape1::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Big kisses for Graham as well :-)

[imagine]

you know once you start fighting back it will give you some focus, especially when you begin to see results,this in itself will begin to strengthen you and help you get through this, you have everything to fight for

[stevewool]

you are right there, it took me months and months to finally realize that this woman hates me so much she want to ruin me, that day it all changed and i was a more happy man, yes my kids were older and they could choose where they wanted to be

[gWaPito]

you are right there, it took me months and months to finally realize that this woman hates me so much she want to ruin me, that day it all changed and i was a more happy man, yes my kids were older and they could choose where they wanted to be
You've had a terrible time of it as well Steve :NoNo:
You've found happiness at last :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

you are right there, it took me months and months to finally realize that this woman hates me so much she want to ruin me, that day it all changed and i was a more happy man, yes my kids were older and they could choose where they wanted to be

I was thinking what you said here best part of the night. ..you are right, when you do finally realize that someone hates that much there's really nothing you can do no matter how much you try. ..the numerous put down I've endured I started to think it must be true. ..I must be hopeless I must be pathetic I must be the worst of the worse at sex because that's what she tells me. ..in the end the abnormal jealousy was the straw what broke the camels back. ..Thanks God for giving me the strength ....like you Steve im a liberated man now. ....all her bad words etc are like water off a ducks back. ...I know I'm not any of the awful things she calls me. ..if i were I wouldn't of been the person I was in my previous life. ...it's quite simply when you look from an outsiders prospective. ..you only got to compare past histories. .I was blind...unfortunately I was sad lonely desperate. ..that was true.

God bless us all :heartshape1:

[imagine]

I was thinking what you said here best part of the night. ..you are right, when you do finally realize that someone hates that much there's really nothing you can do no matter how much you try. ..the numerous put down I've endured I started to think it must be true. ..I must be hopeless I must be pathetic I must be the worst of the worse at sex because that's what she tells me. ..in the end the abnormal jealousy was the straw what broke the camels back. ..Thanks God for giving me the strength ....like you Steve im a liberated man now. ....all her bad words etc are like water off a ducks back. ...I know I'm not any of the awful things she calls me. ..if i were I wouldn't of been the person I was in my previous life. ...it's quite simply when you look from an outsiders prospective. ..you only got to compare past histories. .I was blind...unfortunately I was sad lonely desperate. ..that was true.

God bless us all :heartshape1:

its called brain washing, mental abuse

[baby38]

Its very rarely I make comments here,I have been married to a Filipino thanks god I did not get her to my country, been there 8 times had relationships with others, the thing I learnt is there always some family member behind all this or a close Filipino friend,you say her mother nothing to do with this, I bet she is, from my point of view she wants you out of the house sell go back to the Phills with your kids, least now you been to a solicitor,as others said get your kids passports, thats very important how do you know shes not going back with her mother, and get a better soicitor.

[Michael Parnham]

Its very rarely I make comments here,I have been married to a Filipino thanks god I did not get her to my country, been there 8 times had relationships with others, the thing I learnt is there always some family member behind all this or a close Filipino friend,you say her mother nothing to do with this, I bet she is, from my point of view she wants you out of the house sell go back to the Phills with your kids, least now you been to a solicitor,as others said get your kids passports, thats very important how do you know shes not going back with her mother, and get a better soicitor.

Food for thought!:Erm:

[gWaPito]

Its very rarely I make comments here,I have been married to a Filipino thanks god I did not get her to my country, been there 8 times had relationships with others, the thing I learnt is there always some family member behind all this or a close Filipino friend,you say her mother nothing to do with this, I bet she is, from my point of view she wants you out of the house sell go back to the Phills with your kids, least now you been to a solicitor,as others said get your kids passports, thats very important how do you know shes not going back with her mother, and get a better soicitor.

Thanks for taking the trouble to reply baby 38...I appreciate the advice.

You are probably are right. ..until things went pear shaped I was the man. .I'm having to change for my own wellbeing which goes against the grain. .it's working. .I won't go into detail for obvious reasons. .Thanks bigmarco, your advice has had immediate effect. .Graham and Ded. ..I'm on it. .Thanks.
Still, I can't believe what's happening. .all so quick. .I knew we had problems. .all married couples do but, to walk at the first hurdle beggars belief. ..needless to say there couldn't of been any real love in the first place. ..who needs someone like that.
Cheers
Mark
Btw.
Definitely food for thought Michael.

[Ako Si Jamie]

I agree with baby38, it could be the mother putting a spanner in the works by putting things into her head. I don't know all the details but if the relationship has spiralled out of control since her arrival it does seem a plausible explanation.

[gWaPito]

I agree with baby38, it could be the mother putting a spanner in the works by putting things into her head. I don't know all the details but if the relationship has spiralled out of control since her arrival it does seem a plausible explanation.

Quite possibly right both of you. She's definitely gained courage since she's been here just like when in Philippines in October. ..as soon as they were around the public humiliations started.
It's good in a way mother in law is here because if her presence has fast forwarded the inevitable then so be it. At least my boys are on British soil now..makes all the childish tantrums name calling, humiliation and head slapping all worthwhile....I ask you, if she got a problem with my baldness, old age, snoring ( which I've cured )and lack of natural libido why on earth did she marry me....she's assured me she ain't plastic, only saying the truth. ..she gave a good impression of being plastic before we married.

[stevewool]

how did you control the snoring

[stevewool]

You've had a terrible time of it as well Steve :NoNo:
You've found happiness at last :xxgrinning--00xx3:

until you are in the same situation its hard too explain, no one believes you what can happen behind the closed doors, i was so close to taking my own life eyes shut driving down the road thing but look at me now, giving up on life is not worth any aggravation, who knows what is just round the corner, but its down to you to take the first steps to look

[gWaPito]

until you are in the same situation its hard too explain, no one believes you what can happen behind the closed doors, i was so close to taking my own life eyes shut driving down the road thing but look at me now, giving up on life is not worth any aggravation, who knows what is just round the corner, but its down to you to take the first steps to look
My God Steve....luckily I still have my kids from my first marriage rallying around. ..even my witch of a first wife expressing concerns for my welfare. My family have stood by me as well. ..considering I ditched them nigh on the last 4 years, I'm a lucky man. ....we both are Steve.

Btw. ...the witch thing is a standing joke now.


.

[joebloggs]

.I ask you, if she got a problem with my baldness, old age, snoring ( which I've cured )and lack of natural libido why on earth did she marry me....she's assured me she ain't plastic, only saying the truth. ..she gave a good impression of being plastic before we married.

i remember your wife Mark back in 2009, from what i can remember from then, she gave the impression she loved you, you both have 2 kids and lasted 4yrs, what went wrong i don't know :NoNo:

[gWaPito]

i remember your wife Mark back in 2009, from what i can remember from then, she gave the impress she loved you, you both have 2 kids and lasted 4yrs, what went wrong i don't know :NoNo:
I don't know either Joe. .I'm aware of our boys. .remember it's she who wants this. .she making living under the same roof intolerable. .it's all her making. ..I've bent over backwards trying to please her. ..okay, adapting to the hectic busy way of British life does take some getting used to. .but we are like you said Joe, 4 years down the line. ..yes she misses her family but then don't they all. ..it's selfish childish behaviour. .I'm not going to give details on what she's done and said but, if you knew you would understand. ...like I said, whatever she wants she gets. ..my fault of course. .the signs were there from the off.

[imagine]

I don't know either Joe. .I'm aware of our boys. .remember it's she who wants this. .she making living under the same roof intolerable. .it's all her making. ..I've bent over backwards trying to please her. ..okay, adapting to the hectic busy way of British life does take some getting used to. .but we are like you said Joe, 4 years down the line. ..yes she misses her family but then don't they all. ..it's selfish childish behaviour. .I'm not going to give details on what she's done and said but, if you knew you would understand. ...like I said, whatever she wants she gets. ..my fault of course. .the signs were there from the off.

nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, they usualy give the impression to those outside that they are sweetness and light

[gWaPito]

how did you control the snoring

Steve. ..go to amazon and search 'snoring rings' ......cost is £20
What it is, it's 2 rings what fit your little finger on each hand.
On the inner rim of the rings are lumps ..when fitted correctly they imitate the acupuncture pressure points that stops the snoring.
You must put these on 30 minutes before sleeping and remember to remove on waking.
It took around a week before they took effect.
I tried all the other non surgical methods without any luck.

[gWaPito]

Am so sick of all this now...they've reached new depths today. ..they knew today is father's day yet I got nothing which I didn't really expect coz I didn't gets cards from them at Christmas. .what I did expect was to given some time with my boys before I left for work today. ..what happened, I struggled getting the youngest from janes arms then I sat with James, the eldest while jane dragging them from me. .I said jane please for God's sake let me have them for a few minutes at least. ..she was having none of it. ..her mum didn't help either so they got them to the stairs. ..I was upset again. .both women were laughing at me. ...how much do you have to take. .how much of this can one take. ..mother in law wanted to go home last Monday. .I spoke to jane about this asking why. ..she said because of the atmosphere she's causing. ..The suggestion was, I give jane more money she would make the atmosphere nice for all. ... did consider this until the following day. ...we held talks. ..all was going well until I said I'm resuming contact with my 2 grown up kids 32 and 30 yo and my now frail 81 yo mum. ..This ruined everything. ..she said I could go live with if I wish....I hardly saw my kids anyway because both like like me work hard and in full time relationship. ....I could visit my dear mum on the way to work while still maintaining jane and the babies the centre of my world Jane's wish of me. ...it's not right I should cut my mum Craig and Emma from my life because Jane doesn't like. ..she making me choose between us and them. .anyway my son Craig has already disowned me because of Jane's actions. . I still have my daughter and mum sticking by me. .....us men have no protection. .children have, animals have along with women. ...we have absolutely nothing. ..

[stevewool]

seeing this from the outside its easy for me to tell you this, let the mother in law go back home, then your wife will not have a partner/friend to rely on, you have to call the shots here, play her at her own game, the kids are young and will have no idea what is happening, remember its her that is not allowing you to have them so dont have them, its hard i know but play her she may even give the kids to you if she has no one to help, you have to be strong and hard on those that you love and those you hate, it will be sorted one day but not today, be strong

[Ako Si Jamie]

What is her problem? She comes across as a very cruel and vindictive individual.

Have you tried a different approach Mark? Going from experience it's not a good idea to show these type of women emotions as they see it as a weakness and will just take advantage.

And I agree with you about us men having no protection plus we get tainted as the bad guy when we're anything but. :mad:

[gWaPito]

What is her problem? She comes across as a very cruel and vindictive individual.

Have you tried a different approach Mark? Going from experience it's not a good idea to show these type of women emotions as they see it as a weakness and will just take advantage.

And I agree with you about us men having no protection plus we get tainted as the bad guy when we're anything but. :mad:
She's jealous of my other son and daughter. ..This jealousy stated before she got here. ..for 4 years I've towed the line. ..before this she was cold anyway. .last time sex was performed was where Jobe was conceived. ..the reverse vasectomy resulted in the death of sex. .it was just a means to have babies. .nothing else. .on arrival to the UK jane removed my kids pictures and even forced me to remove a photo album from the house. .pictures of my babies in the early eighties. ..I wouldn't. .she wouldn't relent....what happened. ..days later she had me put those precious pictures of my babies in those hard times through the shredder. ..I'm so ashamed. ..even my dad's picture is put away. ..I said my son has given up on me. .well, Jane forced her thumb in my eye. With scratches over my head and face...resulting in hospital treatment. .my kids took pictures....they pleaded with me to send her back. ..in the end Craig was convinced she would harm me seriously so gave me an ultimatum to dump her or lose a son.

[gWaPito]

Jamie. ..she's jealous of my son daughter and 81 yo mother! !!! I've cut them out for four years. ..no more! it's ridiculous. ..my kids got their own lives. .I'm only texting them and seeing them at Christmas time. .last Christmas jane rubbished my kids on Facebook in front of all my family. ..it was so embarrassing. .that was the beginning of the end. ..it's been all downhill since then. ..it's like she doesnt care what anyone thinks

Now that I've got that off my chest its back to work.

Called Emma. ..they want to go round there and string her up. ..they are livid. ..my poor mother can't take much more of this.

[Ako Si Jamie]

She's jealous of my other son and daughter. ..This jealousy stated before she got here. ..for 4 years I've towed the line. ..before this she was cold anyway. .last time sex was performed was were Jobe was conceived. ..the reverse vasectomy resulted in the death of sex. .it was just a means to have babies. .nothing else. .on arrival to the UK jane removed my kids pictures and even forced me to remove a photo album from the house. .pictures of my babies in the early eighties. ..I wouldn't. .she wouldn't relent....what happened. ..days later she had me put those precious pictures of my babies in those hard times through the shredder. ..I'm so ashamed. ..even my dad's picture is put away. ..I said my son has given up on me. .well, Jane forced her thumb in my eye. With scratches over my head and face...resulting in hospital treatment. .my kids took pictures....they pleaded with me to send her back. ..in the end Craig was convinced she would harm me seriously so gave me an ultimatum to dump her or loose a son.My ex was a control freak but even she didn't behave as bad as this.

What the hell makes someone get jealous over their partners kids? :Erm: Sounds like she's got serious insecurity issues there.

[stevewool]

It looks as if my hand is now forced to act.


The buck stops now. ..the 400 I give every month to do nothing with stops. .the love film subscription stops. .the phone contract I will stop. ..I will get all food pay bills and cloth babies as always. ..for Gwad sakes I gave her mom an I phone 4

Btw. ..the gossip is an individual here.
Really its so bad to talk about someone you don't know. ..especially like that. .so hurtful and disappointing.

name calling is just that, but remember blood is thicker then water, as you say these people have been taking the piss and truth be known you have let them, so stop it, make sure the bills are paid for the house and usually bills and there is food on the table for the boys, after that stop everything, you dont feed a fire and she sounds like a right blaze, turn all this round, for your sake

[bigmarco]

The buck stops now. ..the 400 I give every month to do nothing with stops. .the love film subscription stops. .the phone contract I will stop. ..I will get all food pay bills and cloth babies as always. ..for Gwad sakes I gave her mom an I phone 4 so she can keep in contact with her family. ..it turns out she been rubbishing me coz her other daughter blocked me. ...These people have been taking the piss big time. .so put that in your gossip column! !!!

Btw. ..the gossip is an individual here.
Really its so bad to talk about someone you don't know. ..especially like that. .so hurtful and disappointing.

Good man Mark that's the way to start sorting this out. You don't give money to somebody who tries to make a :censored: of you in your own home.
Next thing is get rid of the mum even if it means buying the ticket. You seem to have 2 enemies at home right now which makes things doubly difficult. Get rid of mum and then she's on her own and has no ally at home.
I can understand how your son must be feeling as he can obviously see what's happening. She seems hell bent on destroying your relationship with the rest of your family and up to now you appear to have let her away with it. Well time for you to get tough and stop this :censored:. It cannot be good for a son to see his dad being made a fool of. Time for action.

[gWaPito]

Good man Mark that's the way to start sorting this out. You don't give money to somebody who tries to make a :censored: of you in your own home.
Next thing is get rid of the mum even if it means buying the ticket. You seem to have 2 enemies at home right now which makes things doubly difficult. Get rid of mum and then she's on her own and has no ally at home.
I can understand how your son must be feeling as he can obviously see what's happening. She seems hell bent on destroying your relationship with the rest of your family and up to now you appear to have let her away with it. Well time for you to get tough and stop this :censored:. It cannot be good for a son to see his dad being made a fool of. Time for action.

Thanks Steve. .Thanks Marco. ..and thanks to Gemma, my ex wife for letting me know of the vicious lies and gossip being put about, about me. ..how dare they! ..even Gemma was mad about it. ..bloody lies lies lies. ..when I think of the thousands I've lavished on these people. ..and for what. ...Thanks Gemma and Cynthia. .you've kicked me into action. ..Gemma said not to worry about the boys they will find the truth soon enough. ..too right they will. .that stupid woman is going to lose them all by her very own doing. .she's done the filipina image no end of damage. ..even the neighbours hate her. ..they all know what's been going on. ..she's shameless. If dial a flight can't get me another ticket for free then she can tap up the other daughter and get her mouthy Australia husband to fork out. .I'm done with them. On reflection, gratitude to the gossips. .it's brought it to a hasty end. ..God be with my boys!

[tiger31]

when does your mother n law,s visa run out ?

[SimonH]

Firstly, I'm pleased your mind is focused now and you're taking positive steps, stick to your guns and don't back down :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Secondly, as far as the second witch from the east, or her mom as you refer to her is concerned get her in the car and dump her at the airport. If you're too busy with work commitments then I'm more than willing to do it for you :wink:

[gWaPito]

Thanks Tiger31...Her Visit Visa Expires August 15. Her current plane ticket is for August 14.

Thank you Simon. .I appreciate your support. .believe me I've been saying stronger stuff than this here. ..the whole tribe are truly awful. ..no guilt no shame. .they think the world owes then. ..looks like they prefer the gutter.

I'm off work Monday Tuesday so putting things into action. .first off is confront with what I was told yesterday by my reliable ex wife Gemma. ..Gawd I'm still quite annoyed here. ...here goes :furious3:

[gWaPito]

I wasn't going to say anymore on this subject on here just keeping it amongst trusted friends via PM's..well, that's now changed.

I took mother in law back to airport this morning. ..it was upsetting for both mother and daughter as you could imagine. .I in turn comforted my wife telling her I still love her and that we can work all this out. .even with out broken families what matters was our babies welfare. ..I said Jane we can fix this. .we hugged and kissed before mother and i left for airport. .I told her I should be back by 6 in time for James waking up. ..I text her from airport saying I would be home on time. ..I get back and they were all gone. ..the bathroom was cold so had been gone a while. ..I tried calling her. I thought maybe she and boys left house so I could sleep as I hadn't slept the previous 22 hours coz of having to work on Sunday. ..when I called her phone was off. .I thought she forgot to turn it on. ..I tried again on waking 3 hours later, it's still off. .I sat and thought I did a post on forum then decided to do shopping. .I started making list then saw no babies toothbrushes and no Jane's toothbrush. .baby clothes missing too.
Jane didn't take their baby food. .they had run out and left their comfort toys behind ....I'm trying Jane's phone and it's not working. .Jane actin on impulse! ! I worried sick here. .what the hell do i do? ?????..she left all the things they have for comfort. ..she got no money. ....Sars. . If you know of her whereabouts let me know please. ...if i hear nothing of Jane and my babies by tonight I will call the police. ...now I asked Jane before I left for airport if there was someone else she said no. ..I believe her. .I think she having a breakdown. .really i do. ...We left on good terms. .we were going to sort it all out. .sit and talk...now she and my babies are gone

[SimonH]

WOW............ Nothing I can do or say, but my thoughts are with you and I hope everything works out.
Fingers crossed it's as simple as she needs some space to get her thoughts in order.

[grahamw48]

Sorry to say....this is what I thought might happen.

The ex did the same to me. That's why you need their (childrens') passports and a court order to prevent them from being taken out of the country.

Good luck my friend. We can only be spectators, sad to say. Contacting the police straight away would be a very good idea...like NOW !

I would also contact your local council Social Services.

[Dedworth]

I agree with Graham - Police now..... children removed ill equipped by mentally unstable mother. Has she got the passports ?

[Terpe]

gWaPito, I have removed your telephone number.
Not good to have that posted on a public forum. You can be sure that sars will get to see it when she logs in.

Take care of yourself.
Don't wait. Call police now.

[Michael Parnham]

Wow, what a mess, I hope you get this resolved one way or the other. I just can't imagine what you must be going through at the moment and I sincerely hope things start to get better soon. All the best for a satisfactory outcome!

[imagine]

yes contact police now, it could be she arranged to meet her mum at the airport

[grahamw48]

Well at least they'll know which airport and/or flight. :doh

[bigmarco]

Sorry to read this Mark.
I hope you've had some positive news by now.

[gWaPito]

Sorry to read this Mark.
I hope you've had some positive news by now.

Nothing yet Marco...Been with the police best part of 6 hours...she left with no money...no baby food, just a case with a few nappies and babies clothes...im in hell

I have to wait now...not knowing if my boys are safe or not.

[gWaPito]

If anybody here knows of my wife's and two babies whereabouts or any information no matter how you insignificant you think it is, I beg you to contact the Wiltshire Police on 101

Tell them you are contacting them in relation to a reporting of a missing wife and two babies yesterday afternoon 24 June at Gable Cross Police Station.

The police need to ensure the babies safety.

Regards
Mark

[Michael Parnham]

yes contact police now, it could be she arranged to meet her mum at the airport

I had the exact same thought, after all they can speak freely in whatever dialect that suits them at any time, remember mother and daughter, never a closer bond!

[tone]

Hi Mate - OMG she must have gone with the mother in law?!

I hope you are closer to tracking them down.

Best wishes mate!

[fred]

Gwaps.. I hope you took the excellent advice given here in regards the kids passports etc etc.
If you did then at least the kids are still in the U.K.. Somewhere!
If you didn't then there is a possibility they are already back in the R.P.
Do you think she had the funds available for flights for herself and the kids? Has the old bill checked all passengers to the R.P from UK on the day your mother in law left?
How does she think she can support herself and the 2 children there long term?? Any ideas?
Something doesn't add up to me.. Filipinos are usually realistic thinkers.. They don't usually go back home to nothing if they can help it.. Its not easy to live over here without a steady income!
Just saying.

[imagine]

Gwaps.. I hope you took the excellent advice given here in regards the kids passports etc etc.
If you did then at least the kids are still in the U.K.. Somewhere!
If you didn't then there is a possibility they are already back in the R.P.
Do you think she had the funds available for flights for herself and the kids? Has the old bill checked all passengers to the R.P from UK on the day your mother in law left?
How does she think she can support herself and the 2 children there long term?? Any ideas?
Something doesn't add up to me.. Filipinos are usually realistic thinkers.. They don't usually go back home to nothing if they can help it.. Its not easy to live over here without a steady income!
Just saying.

i think she will have the funds she needs, and i think this has been planned for sometime sorry

[Arthur Little]

i think she will have the funds she needs, and i think this has been planned for sometime sorry

:iagree:, Stewart ... THOSE are MY feelings too!! Given she's failed in her attempts to get Mark to leave their house then ... :anerikke: ... she possibly feels "going home" to the Phils is the only alternative recourse open to her now.

[Ako Si Jamie]

Sorry Mark, I know I'm being blunt but I'm only trying to help.

It's a possibility that the mothers departure could have been a decoy to make you think that your missus has gone to the Philippines when really she hasn't. I said this before but I reckon she has another fella and that's where she's at now, probably not too far away.

[malditako]

Speculations wont help god knows where she is....what gwapito needs now is how he could find her and his kids.

I know nothing about her but putting myself on her shoes...i would go insane as hell...loaded looking after kids, failing marriage, financially dependent with husband who may to limit support, away from family, probably dealing with post natal depression. Duh! Just saying!....

[gWaPito]

Great news, the police found all 3 of them safe and well this lunch time.:Jump:

[gWaPito]

Speculations wont help god knows where she is....what gwapito needs now is how he could find her and his kids.

I know nothing about her but putting myself on her shoes...i would go insane as hell...loaded looking after kids, failing marriage, financially dependent with husband who may to limit support, away from family, probably dealing with post natal depression. Duh! Just saying!....

Possibly right about the depression..hopefully, for all our sakes, she will allow that to be looked into.

[fred]

Where on earth were/are they Gwaps?

[gWaPito]

Sorry Mark, I know I'm being blunt but I'm only trying to help.

It's a possibility that the mothers departure could have been a decoy to make you think that your missus has gone to the Philippines when really she hasn't. I said this before but I reckon she has another fella and that's where she's at now, probably not too far away.

Mother in laws departure was a prompt for action coupled with the fact there was a good week's worth of washing and ironing to get through and the house was a mess.
I dont think it was planned too far ahead for she only had 2.5 hrs to play with until i arrived back from airport.
Would of been far better waiting until I went back to work...I'm sure it was on impluse and sadness of losing her mother for goodness knows how many years.
Heartbreaking to think she took our babies from their cots to place in a taxi with a stranger driving..our 2 yo James must of been terrified. The police told me this yesterday teatime so you can imagine what I was going through.
I was going out of my mind with worry for 34 hours. Thank God for our police service.

[gWaPito]

Where on earth were/are they Gwaps?

Police can't tell me...all they can say is the police called on them.. they are safe and well...the only way i can get in touch is through a solicitor. The police lady was going to call me back with further info...she didn't..so I'll have to start the ball rolling My concern is getting my child access sorted as soon as possible....my heart is telling me to trust her but, I can't...I can't wait until she instructs a solicitor..that could be weeks away..in that time my baby boys would of forgotten me!!!!

The British laws are excellent on this..parental rights are a human right

[fred]

The British laws are excellent on this..parental rights are a human right

Really?
So if it were you that had of snatched the kids,thrown em in the back of a cab and deprived the mother of seeing them ,the Police wouldn't have had a different attitude?
Do you really think that she would only be able to contact you and the kids via a solicitor?
You being a man would probably now be in a 6X4 cell facing child abduction charges..
Human rights my ass!!

[gWaPito]

Gwaps.. I hope you took the excellent advice given here in regards the kids passports etc etc.
If you did then at least the kids are still in the U.K.. Somewhere!
If you didn't then there is a possibility they are already back in the R.P.
Do you think she had the funds available for flights for herself and the kids? Has the old bill checked all passengers to the R.P from UK on the day your mother in law left?
How does she think she can support herself and the 2 children there long term?? Any ideas?
Something doesn't add up to me.. Filipinos are usually realistic thinkers.. They don't usually go back home to nothing if they can help it.. Its not easy to live over here without a steady income!
Just saying.
Given my recent experience I no longer paint all with the same brush...although I tend to agree with the realistic thinking...this is what she has said in the past..'why would I go back to Philippines when you could leave me financially high and dry'...there is no enforceable financial agreement between our countries.
She has no intention going back to sunshine and poverty especially with the system here. It took guts to do what she did, I know I couldn't of done it...She'll be in line government housing now.

[gWaPito]

Really?
So if it were you that had of snatched the kids,thrown em in the back of a cab and deprived the mother of seeing them ,the Police wouldn't have had a different attitude?
Do you really think that she would only be able to contact you and the kids via a solicitor?
You being a man would probably now be in a 6X4 cell facing child abduction charges..
Human rights my ass!!

Yes, you are right Fred...I'm not sure what police said to her. Thing is, if she's told them I'm a wife beater they are hardly going to give her a hard time...what normal mother would drag their babies from their cots etc etc in the middle of the night without reason??....thinking about it now, it probably was all planned:doh

[SimonH]

Mother in laws departure was a prompt for action coupled with the fact there was a good week's worth of washing and ironing to get through and the house was a mess.


Glad they've all been found safe and sound firstly.
Been trying to think of a way of putting this delicately, but I can't; so here goes. Your attitude by saying what you did comes across as almost Victorian (me Tarzan, you Jane). You've said that you think she maybe suffering either depression or post natal depression and yet you've watched the washing build up and say that the house was a mess. Did you or have you ever said to her, do you want a hand with that or maybe just put some clothes in the machine?

[stevewool]

well the police have found them that is all that matters so far, they are safe and hopefully well,
Mark it is time to say to yourself the marriage is over but you both have the children to sort out, that my friend takes time and money, take one day at a time

[Terpe]

Thankfully Mark, all 3 are safe and well.

[gWaPito]

Glad they've all been found safe and sound firstly.
Been trying to think of a way of putting this delicately, but I can't; so here goes. Your attitude by saying what you did comes across as almost Victorian (me Tarzan, you Jane). You've said that you think she maybe suffering either depression or post natal depression and yet you've watched the washing build up and say that the house was a mess. Did you or have you ever said to her, do you want a hand with that or maybe just put some clothes in the machine?

No offense taken Simon.

Simon, I got mother in law here mainly to help around the house..I was giving her money to do it. I did both families a favour.

Bearing in mind I'm working and with travel back and forth amounted to 80 weeks. Before mother arrived in March I was spending my rest days catching up with house work and ironing into the small hours.

I was doing this coz I could see Jane struggling to cope with everyday life..this is why i spent another bunch of thousands getting her mother here.

Since April I've been sleeping on the sofa just to keep the household quiet for my boys.

Animosity towards me had reached fever pitch in recent days...such was the desire to get me to leave my house.....I was hardly going to stick around in a house where the wife is calling me all the effs and C's under the sun in front of the boys while doing, as you suggested, putting the hoover around and doing the laundry.

[gWaPito]

well the police have found them that is all that matters so far, they are safe and hopefully well,
Mark it is time to say to yourself the marriage is over but you both have the children to sort out, that my friend takes time and money, take one day at a time

Taking one day at a time is my only choice now if i want to keep my sanity.

Yesterday I was so relieved the Wiltshire Police found them, I slept nigh on 9 hours straight.

On waking, new worries started to dawn on me..like you said Steve, sorting child access. Now, if she did go to a refuge she is bound to of told them she was getting abused which means I got to prove I wasn't :bigcry:

This is all so terrible..even my dear mum in tears here..I've haven't put a hand on her. She's using my past illness of Bi Polar Disorder and then putting it together with lies of abuse.

I now have to spend more thousands on solicitor fees getting access to see my babies who will more than likely would of forgotten me by the time I get permission.

I will be treated like a criminal..I will only get limited, supervised access at first..All thanks to Jane's lies.

I'm so heartbroken...My 81yo mother is heartbroken, they are her grandchildren too.

In this world, only the dishonest prosper

[Michael Parnham]

So pleased you know that they are ok, that's the biggest worry off your mind! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[tiger31]

well I would fight her and seek full custody You have the support of your family and friends to try and get the kids because she may decide to flee the country in the near future then you will have lost them .don,t accept supervised contact because thats like admitting her claims of abuse she still has to prove your were abusive ,you family and friends will tell them your not .

[SimonH]

Glad you could see my objective point of view earlier :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Now, on a very serious note, get yourself to a solicitor straight away as in NOW. I don't profess to know anything about the laws of the land but there must be some restraining order you can put on your wife to stop her attempting to even try and take your kids out of the country.
Did I mention..............DO IT NOW

[fred]

Glad you could see my objective point of view earlier :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Now, on a very serious note, get yourself to a solicitor straight away as in NOW. I don't profess to know anything about the laws of the land but there must be some restraining order you can put on your wife to stop her attempting to even try and take your kids out of the country.
Did I mention..............DO IT NOW
:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[malditako]

i can imagine what u feeling gwapito about your kids but the message is clear that your wife wants some space with the kids away from you. Give her that space till she cools down and wait till she's ready to talk to you. Don't panic too much now that you know where they are safe and sound. Never push yourself to hard on her it wouldn't help. No problems would be solve if both parties are upset, depress, and angry. Hope things would get better for the two of you.

[gWaPito]

i can imagine what u feeling gwapito about your kids but the message is clear that your wife wants some space with the kids away from you. Give her that space till she cools down and wait till she's ready to talk to you. Don't panic too much now that you know where they are safe and sound. Never push yourself to hard on her it wouldn't help. No problems would be solve if both parties are upset, depress, and angry. Hope things would get better for the two of you.
I read what you are saying. .Thanks for taking the time.

Cheers
Mark

[gWaPito]

It's now coming up to 54 days since I've seen and held my baby boys.

Thus far I'm having the toughest time of my life.

I'm having no communication...only just the other week she closed her bank account so I was unable to deposit any funds for the boys.


The police can't do anything, the social services can't do anything.
She called me mad to her gossiping friend, she may well have a point.

When she left taking our boys I was beside myself with what's best described as grief. ..my daughter and neighbours help pack the toys away in their bedroom just so I could carry on with normal life. ..now I'm getting those same toys back in view. ...I pray over their cots before I sleep...I say good morning to them when I wake. . .I pray over their cots before I leave the house. .I'm finding myself talking to them while in the house.

I only hope the people helping and giving her such bad advice can live with the damage they have done...for sure, you will receive your Judgement.

She's refusing to reply to any of my solicitor's letters. ..she's refusing to accept the boys clothing footwear favourite toys and food. .a day or so after she left I suggested (and I'm still suggesting, although I don't think she's getting my messages) one of her friends come and collect or I cld pay for a taxi to collect. ..nothing doing, it's as if they've fell off the side of the earth.

I'm living a hell.

Stay strong I'm being told. All well meant,I know.

Well, that's the update.

Cheers
Gwaps

[grahamw48]

Sorry to hear that mate.

As you know, I came close to losing my lovely boy too, so I really can empathise.

Even now, 10 years on , I'm grateful every moment of the day for his presence in my house and in my life, and remember the dark days.

Things CAN change. Stay strong, and concentrate on being the type of guy your children would want as a father. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

Sorry to hear that mate.

As you know, I came close to losing my lovely boy too, so I really can empathise.

Even now, 10 years on , I'm grateful every moment of the day for his presence in my house and in my life, and remember the dark days.

Things CAN change. Stay strong, and concentrate on being the type of guy your children would want as a father. :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Thanks Graham :smile:

It's what I'm doing. .I'm getting house all shipshape and the garden is ready for the boys to play with the battery powered Ferrari we bought them both for their birthdays. ..This is what I'm telling the boys in my home world.
I was going to knock down the shed and replace the 3 piece suite. ..in fact I'd arranged for the windows to be removed for the new suite but I changed my mind the night before. ..the reason being, wanting the house looking exactly the same as before.

I remember when we arrived back from Philippines after 6 weeks away last October. .James, the eldest, remembered everything so, I'm hoping for the same again.

I appreciate your reply Graham.

[Ako Si Jamie]

I don't mean to be nosey Mark but how long did you know her before you brought her over to this country?

[gWaPito]

I don't mean to be nosey Mark but how long did you know her before you brought her over to this country?

We met online December 6 2008 Her arrival date into Heathrow is dated December 6 2009

I first went to see her in the January, I came home in the March. ..I went out to marry her in the June, three days after the first anniversary of my dad's death. I stayed for 3 weeks only. ...I then went out again in the October arriving back here with Jane, my lovely beautiful wife on December 6 for what I thought was going to be the happiest days of my life. How full of hope we were. .especially when our beautiful boys came by way of a miracle. .I had a successful reverse vasectomy 16 after the original vasectomy. We were blessed :bigcry:

[Rosie1958]

Mark, I feel so sorry for everyone involved. It sounds like you need help to deal with your feelings and I would strongly urge you to have some counselling if you are not receiving it already.

You take care
Rosie :smile:

[Michael Parnham]

I just hope for your sake Mark, that time becomes the great healer, good luck for the future!

[gWaPito]

Mark, I feel so sorry for everyone involved. It sounds like you need help to deal with your feelings and I would strongly urge you to have some counselling if you are not receiving it already.

You take care
Rosie :smile:

Hi Rosie.
Thanks for your concern :smile: I'm coping as well as can be expected.

I have an outpouring on here every now and then. ..that's about it :smile:

I'm working and as always, I'm keeping busy.

Nothing wrong in getting emotional ..I'm letting off steam. . I then get back on with my life like I have to. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

I just hope for your sake Mark, that time becomes the great healer, good luck for the future!

Thanks Michael. ..I'm still struggling with the 2 days I'm not working. .too much thinking! !! I've taken up running again so that's helping ..still got to come home to a dead house. ... you are right, time mostly make the pain of lose and emptiness, bearable. ...not always though Michael.

[stevewool]

keeping busy helps for that time only , the few hours when you are alone is the worst,
What ever the outcome you just have to be there for yourself and the boys when they come to see you again soon

[gWaPito]

keeping busy helps for that time only , the few hours when you are alone is the worst,
What ever the outcome you just have to be there for yourself and the boys when they come to see you again soon

Thanks Steve.

[marksroomspain]

Hiya Buddy,

As you may know as I have posted before that I have been following this thread all along and just hope you are close to getting some sort of result regarding access to your children.

I cant imagine what you have gone through as having a child myself I could only just think what it would be like.

I do hope you get good news soon and for this nightmare to end.

God bless you,

Mark...:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

Hiya Buddy,

As you may know as I have posted before that I have been following this thread all along and just hope you are close to getting some sort of result regarding access to your children.

I cant imagine what you have gone through as having a child myself I could only just think what it would be like.

I do hope you get good news soon and for this nightmare to end.

God bless you,

Mark...:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Thank you Mark. .I remember you saying that.
I'm getting closer but how close I've got no idea. ..the legal process is so slow, you can't believe it. Us men haven't got a leg to stand on when up against something like this. ..it's a scandal :NoNo:

I gauge my moods with music. .I've yet to pass the James Taylor ''You've got a friend'' test no matter how i feel. I'll keep trying.

I certainly have surprised myself though. I never thought in a million years I cld withstand all this. :smile:

God bless you Mark along with your lady and child :-)

[Michael Parnham]

Thanks Michael. ..I'm still struggling with the 2 days I'm not working. .too much thinking! !! I've taken up running again so that's helping ..still got to come home to a dead house. ... you are right, time mostly make the pain of lose and emptiness, bearable. ...not always though Michael.

Do you have any friends locally Mark, or do you have a garden/or do any gardening? Since I arrived back in England Maritess and I have only one other couple who are friends up to now and its great to have someone to talk to on the odd occasion, even though we don't live near each other we talk on the phone now and then. With reference to my question on gardening, I mentioned it because I found that doing something creative in the garden is a great form of therapy when you are alone and I'm no gardener, but whilst Maritess has been working I've dug out a beautiful pond and stocked it up with plants and wildlife from the local canal and it's turned out really nice! Just trying to put an idea in your head for the days you are home alone Mark!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

Do you have any friends locally Mark, or do you have a garden/or do any gardening? Since I arrived back in England Maritess and I have only one other couple who are friends up to now and its great to have someone to talk to on the odd occasion, even though we don't live near each other we talk on the phone now and then. With reference to my question on gardening, I mentioned it because I found that doing something creative in the garden is a great form of therapy when you are alone and I'm no gardener, but whilst Maritess has been working I've dug out a beautiful pond and stocked it up with plants and wildlife from the local canal and it's turned out really nice! Just trying to put an idea in your head for the days you are home alone Mark!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Hi Michael:Hellooo:

Yes, i got friends and next door neighbours I can pass the day with :xxgrinning--00xx3: They've come handy these last 54 days.
I'm lucky to have such people around me. My daughter has been a God send, I can tell you...I haven't been the most deserving of dad's to her these last 4 years. I'm sure making it up now:xxgrinning--00xx3:

I do hanging baskets Michael...only summer ones..I did winter ones last season which turnt out not being a pretty sight.

Im consumed with the running as well which means I spend time preparing meals and eating correctly.

I'm okay Micheal..I know I come accross as a doom mechant at times...all im doing is expressing feelings which I don't do in the outside world..although I share we my daughter and mother.

I will be contributing to the services of this forum...this place is a one in a million :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I was going to remove my shed this summer after I hung the baskets...now I will keep at least until my boys start coming back here..I want to keep the house and garden exactly the same as before they left..they will and do remember.

I'm having a good day today..i slept well and tomorrow and Tuesday is rest days..no rain forcast:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Terpe]

Hi Michael:Hellooo:

Yes, i got friends and next door neighbours I can pass the day with :xxgrinning--00xx3: They've come handy these last 54 days.
I'm lucky to have such people around me. My daughter has been a God send, I can tell you...I haven't been the most deserving of dad's to her these last 4 years. I'm sure making it up now:xxgrinning--00xx3:

I do hanging baskets Michael...only summer ones..I did winter ones last season which turnt out not being a pretty sight.

Im consumed with the running as well which means I spend time preparing meals and eating correctly.

I'm okay Micheal..I know I come accross as a doom mechant at times...all im doing is expressing feelings which I don't do in the outside world..although I share we my daughter and mother.

I will be contributing to the services of this forum...this place is a one in a million :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I was going to remove my shed this summer after I hung the baskets...now I will keep at least until my boys start coming back here..I want to keep the house and garden exactly the same as before they left..they will and do remember.

I'm having a good day today..i slept well and tomorrow and Tuesday is rest days..no rain forcast:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Glad to know you're doing OK
I pray improvements will be just around the corner.
Your daughter sounds like a gem :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[tiger31]

mark look up alienation syndrome on google its recognised in the U.S but strangely enough not here in the U.K be prepaired for it as I went through the same thing with my ex and 3 kids I know they are still young yet but as they are living with your ex this may well happen to you .your ex sounds like a person who will try to put you through this I hope the write up helps you ok good luck m8

[gWaPito]

mark look up alienation syndrome on google its recognised in the U.S but strangely enough not here in the U.K be prepaired for it as I went through the same thing with my ex and 3 kids I know they are still young yet but as they are living with your ex this may well happen to you .your ex sounds like a person who will try to put you through this I hope the write up helps you ok good luck m8

Thanks Brian.
All bases are covered....After I told my solicitor the whole lot my solicitor told me what was going to happen and how.
They've seen it all before. .an old saying I know but, in my case, the truth will come out and justice will be got for our babies.

It's all about the greater good of the boys Brian. ..the boys need both parents ..and both parents to be amicable. .because we have to. .I can't be deleted I can't be wiped away not matter how much she wants a younger dad with a long future for the boys.

[Michael Parnham]

Hi Michael:Hellooo:

Yes, i got friends and next door neighbours I can pass the day with :xxgrinning--00xx3: They've come handy these last 54 days.
I'm lucky to have such people around me. My daughter has been a God send, I can tell you...I haven't been the most deserving of dad's to her these last 4 years. I'm sure making it up now:xxgrinning--00xx3:

I do hanging baskets Michael...only summer ones..I did winter ones last season which turnt out not being a pretty sight.

Im consumed with the running as well which means I spend time preparing meals and eating correctly.

I'm okay Micheal..I know I come accross as a doom mechant at times...all im doing is expressing feelings which I don't do in the outside world..although I share we my daughter and mother.

I will be contributing to the services of this forum...this place is a one in a million :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I was going to remove my shed this summer after I hung the baskets...now I will keep at least until my boys start coming back here..I want to keep the house and garden exactly the same as before they left..they will and do remember.

I'm having a good day today..i slept well and tomorrow and Tuesday is rest days..no rain forcast:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Thank's Mark, just keep making the most of the rest days, as I said before time is a great healer!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

Frustration! !! Or cld well be despair :NoNo:
Another £500 solicitor bill dropped through my door this morning. This all due to being uncooperative. This brings it thus far to 3k ...monies that cld of gone on the boys and going towards paying off mortgage by the time im 65 so then the boys will have it. .as I've said all along.

Why she wants to grind me into dust is beyond me.

I just hope caffcass can be a positive influence on her as opposed to the nonsense she's been fed getting since she left, taking our babies 60 days ago.

Please God bless the 4 of us

[tiger31]

I hate to say this mark but your going to be spending lots more money and if she keeps duckin and diving its all going to be for nothing .you need to tell her no more money for her and the kids unless she starts to co-operate as you can,t afford to keep feeding the lawyers thats what they want you to do btw ive been through all this crap spent loads of money and still did,nt get to see my kids.court orders are not worth the paper they are printed on m8 no judge will jail a mother of kids for breaking court orders .so you may need another approach but what that is I do not know looks like your in for a rough ride here I feel sorry for you I really do .

[Terpe]

Mark, I'd have to agree with Tiger on this one. You've already spent a big amount with your solicitor. Perhaps you need to sit with them and discuss what they see as next steps, how much it will cost, how long it will take and exactly what the outcome(s) will be.
They should really be providing you with quotations for their actions for agreement to go ahead or hold.
What are your intentions if and when you have no further funding for the solicitors.
Time for reassessment I feel. No harm or weakness in that.

[stevewool]

have you any idea what she is wanting, if you can find out that then you will know what to spend, if its within reason , there are no winners in this, pay up say bye for now to all that you thought you had and move on, harsh words but its the words that she and you will understand

[Dedworth]

I disagree it seems that Gwap has no option but to follow the legal route to secure access to his kids - any finances will be dealt with at the divorce stage. He mentioned CAFCASS who are basically "social workers" appointed by the court where kids are involved. They will be looking at both parties' living conditions etc

[gWaPito]

have you any idea what she is wanting, if you can find out that then you will know what to spend, if its within reason , there are no winners in this, pay up say bye for now to all that you thought you had and move on, harsh words but its the words that she and you will understand
Brian and Peter, bear with me please. I'm pushed for time. I will answer you both later Cheers :heartshape1:

Steve, what Jane is wanting is for me to disappear from all three of them. She doesn't want me known as our boys father.
Apparently I provide no long term future for them....she's mixing with Filipinas with husbands all roughly the same ages. Jane is the odd one out bein saddled with me.
Plus the fact she doesn't want people thinking she got here on the back of me, where most of her other friends got here because of being co workers with guys from the Honda car factory....they have bases in China and Philippines as well as others. I digress!
Hopefully when cafcass get involved they will prove a good influence over her. I'll pray that will be the case.

Btw. ..I really hope cafcass are the long awaited Genesis in chasing away the devil who's invaded her!

[stevewool]

the cost will only keep going on and on and you will end up broke, is your wife on legal aid, or who is paying for her solicitor,
i may be wrong here and i hope i am, but mums with the children will have the rights over you all the time, yes you may get access some weekends but its down to your wife to bring them and if she does not want to, who will make her , yes the courts and more stress and money all from you,
If she wants you out of there lives forever, you may have no choice, be prepared for a long, long time, i have been there and in the end after years and years of heartache the children will be back in your life if that is what they want, talk to your solicitor ask for his advice and what chances have you, i did and it worked out fine for me looking back on the past

[Dedworth]

is your wife on legal aid, or who is paying for her solicitor,
i may be wrong here and i hope i am, but mums with the children will have the rights over you all the time, yes you may get access some weekends but its down to your wife to bring them and if she does not want too, who will make her , yes the courts and more stress and money all from you,


She won't get it all her own way if it can be shown that she is an irresponsible, scheming waster and that Gwap can provide a stable environment for the boys upbringing. It goes without saying that her leeching lawyer is funded by us but this legal aid will be clawed back upon financial settlement. A mate of mines a headmaster and he took a big financial hit but the ex didn't get it all her own way, the daughters live with him Mon - Fri and her at weekends, which suits him as he can go out then.

[Arthur Little]

A mate of mines a headmaster and he took a big financial hit but the ex didn't get it all her own way, the daughters live with him Mon - Fri and her at weekends, which suits him as he can go out then.

:cwm25: ... d'you mean "talent :erotic4: spotting"? :cwm24: ... out on the "ran~dan"??

[HACHE]

Just wanted to say, after reading the goings on in your life mate, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. Seems a hell of a lot of unfairness in the whole thing.
Unfortunately I don't have any knowledge or experience of this sort of thing, but I've got to wish you all the best in this awful time. I guess I just need to say, don't give up, and try and believe things, one day WILL be better than they are now.

[gWaPito]

My solicitor gave me a ''rough quote'' on costs just to establish contact and told me what the coming weeks and months will bring in the way of being an emotional time. She even suggested going to my GP for help saying it wouldn't go against me. That wasn't a risk I was prepared to take.

Solicitor told me I needed to reduce my take home pay, which I have done. This led to a problem paying my solicitor's fees.
My mother, with the backing of my siblings is paying my solicitor fees. They know that if I stayed on my previous pay Jane would have 20% of a large amount of money more than enough to finance not only our boys but also her and a boyfriend. ..that was never going to happen.

So I hope this gets back to Jane that my mum. .Our boys 81 year old grandmother is paying out big money for the sake of her not cooperating. ..sleep on that Jane. If you have any crumb of decency about you, you would stop this selfish behaviour straight away.

Please Jane, please cooperate. .the money being spent is coming from my siblings inheritance.

[gWaPito]

She won't get it all her own way if it can be shown that she is an irresponsible, scheming waster and that Gwap can provide a stable environment for the boys upbringing. It goes without saying that her leeching lawyer is funded by us but this legal aid will be clawed back upon financial settlement. A mate of mines a headmaster and he took a big financial hit but the ex didn't get it all her own way, the daughters live with him Mon - Fri and her at weekends, which suits him as he can go out then.

You've summed it up to a tee, Ded.

[gWaPito]

Just wanted to say, after reading the goings on in your life mate, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. Seems a hell of a lot of unfairness in the whole thing.
Unfortunately I don't have any knowledge or experience of this sort of thing, but I've got to wish you all the best in this awful time. I guess I just need to say, don't give up, and try and believe things, one day WILL be better than they are now.

Cheers. ...just make sure you pick the right gal.

[HACHE]

Cheers. ...just make sure you pick the right gal.

Thanks mate.
That's exactly what I'm doing right now. My own story is difficult enough, but I'm single with a GF and in a completely different position to yourself, ie no ties. But it's stories like yours, brings into focus for me, how I am right to be cautious in a relationship that throws up "red flags" too early for my liking.

[tiger31]

She won't get it all her own way if it can be shown that she is an irresponsible, scheming waster and that Gwap can provide a stable environment for the boys upbringing. It goes without saying that her leeching lawyer is funded by us but this legal aid will be clawed back upon financial settlement. A mate of mines a headmaster and he took a big financial hit but the ex didn't get it all her own way, the daughters live with him Mon - Fri and her at weekends, which suits him as he can go out then.
this is fine if his ex is complying like your friends ex is but marks ex is not doing so .like I said mark can get all the access he wants but if the ex don,t play ball then all that happens is back to court more and more money with still the same outcome ive been there like many other fathers have been before me .she sounds like she will obstruct mark at every oppurtunity she gets.

[gWaPito]

Thanks mate.
That's exactly what I'm doing right now. My own story is difficult enough, but I'm single with a GF and in a completely different position to yourself, ie no ties. But it's stories like yours, brings into focus for me, how I am right to be cautious in a relationship that throws up "red flags" too early for my liking.

Not all that shines is gold :NoNo:
Glad I've helped Hache.

Can't find right words so best I be quiet.

[HACHE]

Not all that shines is gold :NoNo:
Glad I've helped Hache.

Can't find right words so best I be quiet.

That's okay. Sometimes we need direct advice regarding our own situation, and other times, just hearing someone else's own story helps in a different, useful way. Helps keep thing in perspective, hearing other's problems and how they're dealing with things.
At times life seems so unfair and difficult. Only consolation, is that it's unfortunately true for many others.

[Terpe]

I disagree it seems that Gwap has no option but to follow the legal route to secure access to his kids - any finances will be dealt with at the divorce stage. He mentioned CAFCASS who are basically "social workers" appointed by the court where kids are involved. They will be looking at both parties' living conditions etc

Yes Dedworth, I understand what you're saying.
And I don't believe anyone would argue against following correct legal process.
My point is though that it's critical to understand, in some detail, about the steps involved in the whole process, the involvement of the solicitor and the likely costs.
It's really important (and sensible) to have the solicitors state the upcoming costs in stages and to give options.

CAFCASS are, as you rightly, mentioned advisors to the courts in family matters.
They only become involved at the request of the court.
The reasons for fully understanding the probable costs are that the case is not yet subject to the courts.
It's still at the early stages.
Even CAFCASS strongly suggest that the involved parties reach some agreement and co-operation as early as possible:-

...rather than going through the often costly and lengthy full family court process.

Each case is different and it's unwise to make comparisons.
It's far too early to talk about prospects after divorce.

To be clear, divorce itself will NEVER happen until the welfare of the children has been settled.
Means, decisions about where the children will live, time and access and full financials.

£3k is already lot of money. But that's nothing compared to just how costs can escalate without care and controls.

Like everyone, just trying to help.

[bigmac]

I hate to say this mark but your going to be spending lots more money and if she keeps duckin and diving its all going to be for nothing .you need to tell her no more money for her and the kids unless she starts to co-operate as you can,t afford to keep feeding the lawyers thats what they want you to do btw ive been through all this crap spent loads of money and still did,nt get to see my kids.court orders are not worth the paper they are printed on m8 no judge will jail a mother of kids for breaking court orders .so you may need another approach but what that is I do not know looks like your in for a rough ride here I feel sorry for you I really do .

100% agree. this was me 30 years ago---and history repeating itself--my son going through the same rigmarole now.

[tiger31]

100% agree. this was me 30 years ago---and history repeating itself--my son going through the same rigmarole now.
maybe staying single is the answer :biggrin:

[gWaPito]

100% agree. this was me 30 years ago---and history repeating itself--my son going through the same rigmarole now.
Sorry to hear this :NoNo:. Your heart bleeds them.
The lunatics certainly have taken over the asylum.

[gWaPito]

Yes Dedworth, I understand what you're saying.
And I don't believe anyone would argue against following correct legal process.
My point is though that it's critical to understand, in some detail, about the steps involved in the whole process, the involvement of the solicitor and the likely costs.
It's really important (and sensible) to have the solicitors state the upcoming costs in stages and to give options.

CAFCASS are, as you rightly, mentioned advisors to the courts in family matters.
They only become involved at the request of the court.
The reasons for fully understanding the probable costs are that the case is not yet subject to the courts.
It's still at the early stages.
Even CAFCASS strongly suggest that the involved parties reach some agreement and co-operation as early as possible:-


Each case is different and it's unwise to make comparisons.
It's far too early to talk about prospects after divorce.

To be clear, divorce itself will NEVER happen until the welfare of the children has been settled.
Means, decisions about where the children will live, time and access and full financials.

£3k is already lot of money. But that's nothing compared to just how costs can escalate without care and controls.

Like everyone, just trying to help.

I appreciate your help Peter .Thank you.

Cafcass are involved. I'm so glad they are ..it's taken far too long for them to act. .like you said, the court instructs them, no one else.

The trouble is, the weeks of waiting for me and the weeks of poison being pumped into my wife by these grabbing black and tans and men hating lesbians who generally populate these establishments.

I pray to God there's no lasting damage to Jane and Cafcass can point her in the right direction.

I still care, I can't help but care.

I lay in bed thinking a lot. .I think back to the time she wrote on the fruit i took to work.

Look at it now with 2 beautiful baby boys we brought intentionally into this world. This wasn't the outcome expected. Not in my worst nightmare did i expect this.

I was reminded today that when the time comes that i am allowed to see them, they won't be the same boys I held in my arms on June 23. They grow and facial features change a great deal.

No compensation can bring that back. .Jobe will be walking as well now. :bigcry:

[gWaPito]

Found a few sites that may help too Mark

http://www.dad.info/dad-talk-forum

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/

Just been reading through this thread while sat behind a queue of trucks.
Jamie, many forum for guys in my situation. .the reading and participation is way too much for me.
Graham's friend the one who died in a car accident. .well those are common amongst us. .many don't get reported in the main papers especially the ones who OD This is the common get out of jail card.
These are the guys without money and hope of seein theirs kids again.

This forum is bringing me comfort enough.

On Facebook I found an old school chum. ..same age as me. ..he's had 2 strokes and an heart attack. His wife walked out on him 26 years ago with his 10 month old daughter. He hasn't seen them since. His Facebook account is public on the hope his daughter looks for him.

[gWaPito]

I have good news..after 83 days of not having any contact with my 1 and 2yo boys, I get to have them later today. I thought I would never see them again. The pain I have been through, only a loving caring parent can apprecaite.

I wish to express my thanks for the support I've had from you on here and also, thanks to the new chat window, I want to thank the support of a few of the silent majority who's now become good friends of mine.

From the outset my solicitor told me I would be in for a tough 3 months before we get change...she was right. I was told, during that time their would be a chance I would have to under go mental assessment and have to face the fact that I would only be allowed to see my boys through a supervised contact centre for 2 hours at a time, 2 Saturdays a month.

This was what was going through my mind every day, up until my day in court last week.

We were in court for around 3 hours...After going through CAFCASS's findings, the judge was having none of it. It was ordered that I'm to be granted with immediate access, allowing me to bring them home every week from Sunday to Tuesday. This is a contact order to be reviewed in 3 months time.

New laws were brought out last November forcing the resident parent to comply or face prison and or a criminal conviction...I've been deemed a fit stable parent so, I could take them full time if she messes up.

I did say the other day i would PM but, decided to do it like this.

I'm told to expect twists and turns along the way but this time I have the law on my side..It's a tragedy it's taken nearly 90 days with costs of £3000 plus £1500 for my 3 hours in court for something what was morally wrong from the start.

I'm still in the dark as to where they are living all thanks to the refuge system of protection. That can not be reversed no matter what the judge has decided..she will get her house and no doubt be in receipt of benefits for the rest of her days living in the UK.

[tiger31]

well nice to hear the outcome was in favour of you i,m really happy for you but what a cost in money she has put you through which should,nt have happened if she remained on friendly terms .maybe she planned the benifit route from the start knowing how generous it is when you have kids.what ever you do mark don,t slip up with the scheduled visits as she could use it against you when the case is reviewed .happy outcome :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[jake]

Very good news Mark.
Enjoy your time with the kids. :smile:

[SimonH]

:Jump:

Great news mate, have a fantastic few days with them and then look forward to next Sunday :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevewool]

enjoy today and many more days will follow, just take it one visit at a time, there will be ups and downs but its a very good start

[Michael Parnham]

Very pleased for you Mark, I can just imagine how happy you must be, great news! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

:xxgrinning--00xx3: good news mark :Jump:

[Moy]

good news gwapito :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Ako Si Jamie]

Great news Mark. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Doc Alan]

Happy to read your update, good news indeed Mark, thanks for posting :xxgrinning--00xx3:.

[grahamw48]

At last some relief for you Mark, and your babies back in your life. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Iani]

Great news there, hope this can all work out :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

I thank you all so much!!!!!!!!! :bigcry::biggrin:.laughing and crying at same time!!

I hear you Tiger31..My solicitor said that too :xxgrinning--00xx3:...It also comes with a raft of conditions as you would expect...I will abide for the sake of my boys.

I'm being positive here and saying all is going to go to plan..I can not let other thoughts get to me!

Just put the stair gates...What a good feeling that was!

I'll go now

Thanks again you all!!!...Love you lots xxx

[bigmarco]

:xxgrinning--00xx3: Great news Mark.
Have a great time with the boys and put all the other stuff out of your mind for the time being.

[marksroomspain]

So happy for you gwaps I really am, you should not of had to go through all this but you persevered and have finally got a result.

I can only imagine your relief right now and good things do happen to good people.

Best wishes buddy :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Dedworth]

Excellent news that the sceptics have been proved wrong and the law has decided in your favour Gwap.

There is obviously still a long way to go but I'm certain she will have been stunned by this hearing result and absolutely livid that you didn't roll over and allow it to go how she planned. Well done :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Terpe]

You got it. Well done :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Trefor]

Great news! I hope the mother complies (lower case 'm', she doesn't deserve a capitalised Mother).

Since you'll be collecting your boys you may get a clue as to where they are living now. I hope it is not too far away from you so travel costs are not too bad.

[gWaPito]

Thanks Marco Mark Peter Ded and Trevor
I'm not collecting..changeover is on neutral ground so none the wiser. That's the way it is, I'm afraid.

From my house, it's a 55 miles round trip. Isnt too bad, its same distance to my place of work.

Luckily boys are no longer babies.
Trying not to think about bad weather and motorway hold ups etc. ..have to cross that bridge as and when.

I got them and they now calling me daddy

[gWaPito]

So happy for you gwaps I really am, you should not of had to go through all this but you persevered and have finally got a result.

I can only imagine your relief right now and good things do happen to good people.

Best wishes buddy :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Thanks Mark:xxgrinning--00xx3:..I'm giving all you nice folks all the rep i can

Cheers
Gwaps :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Arthur Little]

:Jump: ... Delighted for you, Mark ... truly DELIGHTED! :BouncyHappy:

[gWaPito]

http://i986.photobucket.com/albums/ae349/markfrankham/MyFirstTime056_zps060fa6c3.jpg