mpkayeuk
6th June 2013, 19:40
Hi Folks,
We have all read about the risks involved with Internet dating and the pitfalls associated with unscrupulous girlfriends asking for money early on. My problem is quite the opposite!
Money is a really big deal to my Mahal because she is incredibly financially independent. She and her sister have toiled at college and subsequently in work to raise themselves and their family to the point where they can afford to live a simple life in a modest house. Previously they were living cheek by jowl with every aunty and uncle and cousin under the sun in a shanty in Caloocan. My Mahal is not ashamed at all of her background, but is justifiably proud of what she has been able to achieve. I too am proud of what she has done.
We are to be married in October (prep is a nightmare, but we're getting there). I've advised her that she should resign from her job at a suitable time so that at the beginning of October she can be free to organise the final wedding arrangements with me (wedding is 23rd). This will obviously stop her ability to contribute to the monthly running of the house. She basically hands over 75% of her salary to her mama every fortnight (paid fortnightly), the remainder is her allowance. Her sister does the same. Neither her mother or father work, and I understand that this is a fairly common situation in the Philippines.
I have offered to help (and I genuinely want to, her family are lovely and I love them too) during the period between her resignation and whenever she can start to earn for herself in the UK. I'm prepared for this to be in perpetuity, but I know her instinct will be to still provide for her family herself. So I'm also looking into the possibility of her starting an eBay business or the like... I know the reality is she will be pregnant fairly quickly (fingers crossed) so any ideas of her working a regular job are not really practical. She has already told me she would never consider childcare other than her own and I agree that this is the best way to raise a family, so I will support her in that. Anyway, I'm digressing slightly...
The crux of the situation is that she is having a hard time accepting that I will be taking her role temporarily to support her family. A really hard time. She told me she has been thinking and stressed about it all last night. Obviously I find this distressing too, that something that is trivial to me from a financial point of view (my contribution would represent only around 7.5% of my take home pay) should be causing her this pain. Obviously I understand that it's a big psychological hurdle for her to get over, and having to rely on someone else for financial assistance is something she has not had to do for 4 years now.
I'm struggling to find ways of helping her deal with this, but I want her to be as happy as possible at the moment in the run up to our wedding (stressful enough as it is). Does anyone have any suggestions as to how we can deal with this?
We have all read about the risks involved with Internet dating and the pitfalls associated with unscrupulous girlfriends asking for money early on. My problem is quite the opposite!
Money is a really big deal to my Mahal because she is incredibly financially independent. She and her sister have toiled at college and subsequently in work to raise themselves and their family to the point where they can afford to live a simple life in a modest house. Previously they were living cheek by jowl with every aunty and uncle and cousin under the sun in a shanty in Caloocan. My Mahal is not ashamed at all of her background, but is justifiably proud of what she has been able to achieve. I too am proud of what she has done.
We are to be married in October (prep is a nightmare, but we're getting there). I've advised her that she should resign from her job at a suitable time so that at the beginning of October she can be free to organise the final wedding arrangements with me (wedding is 23rd). This will obviously stop her ability to contribute to the monthly running of the house. She basically hands over 75% of her salary to her mama every fortnight (paid fortnightly), the remainder is her allowance. Her sister does the same. Neither her mother or father work, and I understand that this is a fairly common situation in the Philippines.
I have offered to help (and I genuinely want to, her family are lovely and I love them too) during the period between her resignation and whenever she can start to earn for herself in the UK. I'm prepared for this to be in perpetuity, but I know her instinct will be to still provide for her family herself. So I'm also looking into the possibility of her starting an eBay business or the like... I know the reality is she will be pregnant fairly quickly (fingers crossed) so any ideas of her working a regular job are not really practical. She has already told me she would never consider childcare other than her own and I agree that this is the best way to raise a family, so I will support her in that. Anyway, I'm digressing slightly...
The crux of the situation is that she is having a hard time accepting that I will be taking her role temporarily to support her family. A really hard time. She told me she has been thinking and stressed about it all last night. Obviously I find this distressing too, that something that is trivial to me from a financial point of view (my contribution would represent only around 7.5% of my take home pay) should be causing her this pain. Obviously I understand that it's a big psychological hurdle for her to get over, and having to rely on someone else for financial assistance is something she has not had to do for 4 years now.
I'm struggling to find ways of helping her deal with this, but I want her to be as happy as possible at the moment in the run up to our wedding (stressful enough as it is). Does anyone have any suggestions as to how we can deal with this?