family problem

[bhem_bhem]

i'm having problem with my husband and my son (they do drive me mad).. they seem to like each other in the morning but when it comes at night time, they argue.. :NoNo:

i know few of the members here have children with their previous relationship, just want to ask did your husband and children get on well right away and if not how did you resolve it and manage to cope with it? :cwm3:

[grahamw48]

How old is your son ?

I found it difficult to accept my stepson, for quite a long time.

It is a very challenging position to be in for anyone, and understanding is needed from all parties involved. I don't think there can be any hard and fast rules, except for the adults to remember that that is just what they are...ADULTS. Therefore use that experience and maturity to moderate your behaviour and try to see things from the point of view of the child, who finds himself in a situation not of his choosing.

The turning point for my stepson and myself came when he was early teens and I was responsible for taking care of the kids as a single parent for around a year, in the Philippines (while their mother had returned to the UK because of her visa restrictions).

That period allowed me and the kids to have more 'fun' times together, and individual responsibilities handed out to each child, so they were able to take pride in their contribution to the daily family routine.

No wife for me to moan to, or the kids to run to. We had to sort things out together, and just get along. Since that time I've felt so much closer to them (stepchildren), and I believe they feel the same way about their 'dad'. :smile:

[alan_mac]

I think you'd need to give more info if you want a reply. How old is your son? What do they argue about? Have you discussed it with either of them?

[sars_notd_virus]

i'm having problem with my husband and my son (they do drive me mad).. they seem to like each other in the morning but when it comes at night time, they argue.. :NoNo:



is it not a pretend argue/fight ??

..tell them not to talk to each in the ''evening''..with their werewolf tendencies.

[bhem_bhem]

my son is 7 years old.

our situation is like this: my son is not used of sleeping on his own, he always slept with my parents when he was still in philippines so when he arrived here he refused to sleep on his own in his room. i sleep with him whenever i'm at home but since i do work at night, my husband has to sleep with him sometimes. the problem is my son do snore loud and sleep like a star fish and that wakes my husband. what my husband did is sleep with him until he is fast asleep but every time he woke up and realised he is alone, he starts crying. every morning after work, all i hear is their moan. my husband moans he didn't have enough sleep and then my son moans that he's dad left him on his own again.

it hurts me to see my son upset but i do understand my husband as well. it affects his work whenever he's lack of sleep. i tried some techniques for my son to overcome his fear of sleeping on his own but it didn't work.

[stevewool]

why dont you let him have a pet in the room like a hamster, that will give him a friend and help you all come to better sleep

[bhem_bhem]

why dont you let him have a pet in the room like a hamster, that will give him a friend and help you all come to better sleep

we're not allowed to have a pet.. my son loves animals but i won't trust him to look after it as he can be peevish.

[stevewool]

can he not sleep with the door open or even a small light on in the room and a favorite ted or soft toy

[grahamw48]

Ah, I have to say that in this case some 'tough love' is needed.

At 7 years of age your son should be able to sleep in his own bed at least...and preferably in his own room. Time to leave the old ways behind now.

I also don't feel it is fair for your husband to be expected to share his bed with an unrelated child. In fact, not at all acceptable. :NoNo:

[stevewool]

Ah, I have to say that in this case some 'tough love' is needed.

At 7 years of age your son should be able to sleep in his own bed at least...and preferably in his own room. Time to leave the old ways behind now.

I also don't feel it is fair for your husband to be expected to share his bed with an unrelated child. In fact, not at all acceptable. :NoNo:
i was waiting for someone older and wiser them me to say what i was thinking mr clint eastwood

[imagine]

sometimes you have to be tough and stick at it, the habit has to be broken sometime , maybe by the time he's 18 what then:yikes:

i think myself that at 7 yrs old its way time to change this, thats my opinion others may think differently

[imagine]

Ah, I have to say that in this case some 'tough love' is needed.

At 7 years of age your son should be able to sleep in his own bed at least...and preferably in his own room. Time to leave the old ways behind now.

I also don't feel it is fair for your husband to be expected to share his bed with an unrelated child. In fact, not at all acceptable. :NoNo:

ah graham you got in before me:biggrin:

[joebloggs]

what time does your son get up and go to bed?
he shouldn't be waking up in the night :NoNo:

[alan_mac]

I'd certainly not allow my son to share a bed with my ex's new partner - not that it would ever happen.

I also agree with the others: he needs to learn to sleep in his own bed in his own room. However, if space allows maybe making up a small bed in your room as an interim option may be worth considering.

[joebloggs]

However, if space allows maybe making up a small bed in your room as an interim option may be worth considering.

:xxgrinning--00xx3: he needs to be moved in his own room slowly or it could traumatize him :cwm24:

[grahamw48]

That's what we did with our own boy. :smile:

(The ex had already re-trained her son and daughter before they joined us in England).

[bhem_bhem]

can he not sleep with the door open or even a small light on in the room and a favorite ted or soft toy

I tried not turning the light off, we don't close our door and his door, my in laws gave him stuff toys to sleep with but none of them works.

[bhem_bhem]

Ah, I have to say that in this case some 'tough love' is needed.

At 7 years of age your son should be able to sleep in his own bed at least...and preferably in his own room. Time to leave the old ways behind now.

I also don't feel it is fair for your husband to be expected to share his bed with an unrelated child. In fact, not at all acceptable. :NoNo:

The thing is my son is still adjusting with everything. I do understand his fears. I don't want him to be traumatised.

I don't want him to think we love the baby more than him. i dont want him to feel left out.

[Arthur Little]

Ah, I have to say that in this case some 'tough love' is needed.

At 7 years of age your son should be able to sleep in his own bed at least...and preferably in his own room. Time to leave the old ways behind now.

I also don't feel it is fair for your husband to be expected to share his bed with an unrelated child. In fact, not at all acceptable. :NoNo:

:sorry-2: ... I have to agree with Graham's views on this last issue in particular.

I also hope and :pray: your domestic situation will soon resolve itself, for ALL your sakes. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[bhem_bhem]

what time does your son get up and go to bed?
he shouldn't be waking up in the night :NoNo:

At first he goes to bed at 7 then gets up at 4am as he is used of getting up early and now he goes to bed at 10 but still gets up at 6am.

He's awake at night coz he always feel the need to pee even if he goes to the loo before going to bed.

[bhem_bhem]

:sorry-2: ... I have to agree with Graham's views on this last issue in particular.

I also hope and :pray: your domestic situation will soon resolve itself, for ALL your sakes. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I hope, as its stressing me out.. I really regret now that I accepted the night shift. It wouldn't be this hassle if I am with them. i can train my son as I know him more than my husband.

[bhem_bhem]

:sorry-2: ... I have to agree with Graham's views on this last issue in particular.

I also hope and :pray: your domestic situation will soon resolve itself, for ALL your sakes. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I hope, as its stressing me out.. I really regret now that I accepted the night shift. It wouldn't be this hassle if I am there. I can train my son as I know him more than my husband.

[grahamw48]

It's time to be firm.

Lots of kids have to cope with new babies in the house.

He'll also sleep better if he's getting plenty of exercise. No fluids just before bed.

Children are very adaptable and soon learn new routines. They also learn to be spoilt if you allow it. :smile:

[bhem_bhem]

It's time to be firm.

Lots of kids have to cope with new babies in the house.

He'll also sleep better if he's getting plenty of exercise. No fluids just before bed.

Children are very adaptable and soon learn new routines. They also learn to be spoilt if you allow it. :smile:

Hopefully it'll better. I just wish they don't shout at each other as it hurts me hearing them fighting.

[imagine]

how long now has he been in uk with you and your hubby, did he join you later, just thinking his feeling a need to pee, perhaps he is feeling insecure , if so he will need re assurance , but the habit still needs to be broken

[bhem_bhem]

how long now has he been in uk with you and your hubby, did he join you later, just thinking his feeling a need to pee, perhaps he is feeling insecure , if so he will need re assurance , but the habit still needs to be broken

He's been here nearly 3 weeks now.. All his life he slept with someone. his friends in Philippines keep scaring him before about ghosts, monsters and burglars so that didn't help him cope his fears.

[Arthur Little]

I hope, as its stressing me out.. I really regret now that I accepted the night shift. It wouldn't be this hassle if I am there. I can train my son as I know him more than my husband.

I can fully empathise with what you're saying ... and wonder :icon_rolleyes: if, perhaps, it might be worthwhile explaining to your employers that you hadn't envisaged the problems it would create at home when you agreed to go on night shift. Hopefully, they'll understand the strain these new working hours are ...:anerikke: ... bound to be putting on family life - most especially on your role as the mother of a young child - and be sympathetic towards allowing you to revert to normal daytime shifts. :smile:

[imagine]

i think what graham said about plenty of exercise, if its possible could dad take him a long walk before his bed time tire him out, it might go a long way to helping with the problem

[bhem_bhem]

I can fully empathise with what you're saying ... and wonder :icon_rolleyes: if, perhaps, it might be worthwhile explaining to your employers that you hadn't envisaged the problems it would create at home when you agreed to go on night shift. Hopefully, they'll understand the strain these new working hours are ...:anerikke: ... bound to be putting on family life - most especially on your role as the mother of a young child - and be sympathetic towards allowing you to revert to normal daytime shifts. :smile:

That's one of my problem, people at work are not that helpful. I am at the point where I'm dreading to go to work. I'm pregnant but I'm still doing the hard work.

I'm sick of the day staff telling lies about me as well. I Can't wait for the day my maternity leave starts and never come back.

[bhem_bhem]

i think what graham said about plenty of exercise, if its possible could dad take him a long walk before his bed time tire him out, it might go a long way to helping with the problem

My in laws pick my son up and take him to the park whenever I've been at work so he's actually worn out when he gets home. I just dunno why he still gets up at night. Probably just a habit that's hard to break.

[fred]

It is a tough one because Filipino`s often sleep in the same room as their kids..
Our kids were in with us until 7 years old!!.. It didnt bother me a bit as they were out for the count as soon as their heads hit the pillow.. The Mrs wouldn't have it any other way..
When my eldest was born the nurse had to remove the child from my wife`s bed about 6 times every night and put him back in the cot.. She didn't complain to the nurse..Just put him back in the bed with her when the nurse left... Mother knows best!

I kind of agree with breaking the habit if thats what you both want but if your son has only been in the UK for 3 weeks then thats not very long is it?
It will work its self out..Don't worry.

[bhem_bhem]

Not long enough.. when my son arrived here, I left him right away with his dad which is somewhat a stranger to him as he only met him twice because I've got to go to work.

Really need to talk to hubby so we can sort things out soon.

[joebloggs]

3wks is not long, i take it he's not at school yet?, that will wear him out and get him in a routine.

[bhem_bhem]

Nope, not until September..

[grahamw48]

Ah, only here 3 weeks ?

Well, the poor boy has got an awful lot to cope with then, hasn't he....not least being expected to live with someone who is a virtual stranger, let alone sleep in the same bed !

Reading your original post again, I find it rather concerning that your partner is SHOUTING at the boy.

Obviously there are bound to be stresses and strains in the household, but at this time I think you and your partner need to concentrate on attending to the needs of your very young and vulnerable child.

Is there a room that can be used as a bedroom for his exclusive use ?

If so, it needs to be made attractive to him, a comfortable and secure place, where he wants to be. I would buy a large stuffed 'guard' dog for instance, one that is going protect him from ghosts etc.

For my own boy I built a bed very similar to this one for him...so that going to bed was almost an adventure, and very much his personal space. It didn't cost me much money...just a lot of love and time. :smile:

.
http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/755/jydd.jpg

.
I also made go-karts for my kids and other stuff to keep them amused. That's what dads are for ! :biggrin:

[jake]

It is a tough one because Filipino`s often sleep in the same room as their kids..
Our kids were in with us until 7 years old!!.. It didnt bother me a bit as they were out for the count as soon as their heads hit the pillow.. The Mrs wouldn't have it any other way..
When my eldest was born the nurse had to remove the child from my wife`s bed about 6 times every night and put him back in the cot.. She didn't complain to the nurse..Just put him back in the bed with her when the nurse left... Mother knows best!

I kind of agree with breaking the habit if thats what you both want but if your son has only been in the UK for 3 weeks then thats not very long is it?
It will work its self out..Don't worry.

I agree.

It will take him time to adjust. Poor wee fella.

Do you really need to work? Would be nice if you could be with him especially at nights as this is the time of day that he needs you the most just now.
There are a lot more things more important than money.

[Michael Parnham]

Try telling your son, at seven years old he's now becoming a young man and men want their own room and to do things for themselves!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[bhem_bhem]

Ah, only here 3 weeks ?

Well, the poor boy has got an awful lot to cope with then, hasn't he....not least being expected to live with someone who is a virtual stranger, let alone sleep in the same bed !

Reading your original post again, I find it rather concerning that your partner is SHOUTING at the boy.

Obviously there are bound to be stresses and strains in the household, but at this time I think you and your partner need to concentrate on attending to the needs of your very young and vulnerable child.

Is there a room that can be used as a bedroom for his exclusive use ?

If so, it needs to be made attractive to him, a comfortable and secure place, where he wants to be. I would buy a large stuffed 'guard' dog for instance, one that is going protect him from ghosts etc.

For my own boy I built a bed very similar to this one for him...so that going to bed was almost an adventure, and very much his personal space. It didn't cost me much money...just a lot of love and time. :smile:

I also made go-karts for my kids and other stuff to keep them amused. That's what dads are for ! :biggrin:

about my husband shouting at my son, i told him that it's not how to handle kids.. he's not exposed to kids so i understand he doesn't know how to react with things. in time everything will sink in and he'll learn how to be a real father.

my son has his own room and he has stuff toys he sleep with..

[bhem_bhem]

I agree.

It will take him time to adjust. Poor wee fella.

Do you really need to work? Would be nice if you could be with him especially at nights as this is the time of day that he needs you the most just now.
There are a lot more things more important than money.

i want to stop but i'm after of the maternity pay,, i've just started working so if i'll stop now i won't be able to claim maternity pay.. anyway my maternity leave starts in 2 months time..

[bhem_bhem]

Try telling your son, at seven years old he's now becoming a young man and men want their own room and to do things for themselves!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

yeah,, i told him that,, hopefully it'll be fine soon..

[Arthur Little]

Do you really need to work? Would be nice if you could be with him especially at nights as this is the time of day that he needs you the most just now.

:gp:s from Jake. :xxgrinning--00xx3:


There are a lot more things more important than money.

:iagree: ... with Jake. And - for the time~being, at least - your little boy's welfare is the MOST IMPORTANT of them ALL.

:yeahthat: and, of course, during your pregnancy ... taking proper care of yourself. :smile:

[andy222]

It sounds like your son is a deep sleeper. I would wait until he is snoring then ship him off to his own bed. Have to be cruel to be kind. Another thing dont let him sleep early. Keep him up untill he is very tired.

[bhem_bhem]

:gp:s from Jake. :xxgrinning--00xx3:



:iagree: ... with Jake. And - for the time~being, at least - your little boy's welfare is the MOST IMPORTANT of them ALL.

:yeahthat: and, of course, during your pregnancy ... taking proper care of yourself. :smile:

I wish I can..

[bhem_bhem]

It sounds like your son is a deep sleeper. I would wait until he is snoring then ship him off to his own bed. Have to be cruel to be kind. Another thing dont let him sleep early. Keep him up untill he is very tired.

Hubby said that last night wasn't bad. he let my son stay late then when he was asleep in the sofa he carried him to my sons room. My son still woke up at 1ish and move to our room but he wasn't crying so my hubby just went back to sleep. Hopefully it'll continue like this.

[Michael Parnham]

Sounds as though with a little patience and time it will all come together Bhem bhem :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[marksroomspain]

Hope it all works out for you I am sure it will I have told my wife I want our son in his own room by 6 months old but she says can we do it at 12 months so I agreed, for a filipina then thats a good compromise :biggrin::smile:

Everything will be ok bhem_bhem

[grahamw48]

I think I'd want such a young baby close by.

In actual fact I couldn't bear to think of my boy having to sleep 'alone', up to him being around 5 years old...when he was given his own room.

He was always good as gold and we never missed a wink of sleep the whole time. :smile:

[gWaPito]

Talking about leaving the lights on. ..my house used to resemble Blackpool illuminations and that was to comfort the two adult women in the house :cwm25: I really don't get all this fear of the dark nonsense. ..now I can sleep comfortably in my bed in total darkness with both eyes closed. ..bliss! !!!
My boys, like me didn't have a problem with the dark or sleeping alone in their own rooms.

Sympathise with your situation. .must be so hard. ..sleep deprivation is tough.

The idea of keeping him up until he falls asleep is a terrible idea. .kids need routine .especially going to bed at a specific time routine.
This is the sort of thing you see a lot doing in the Philippines. ..you'll be making rods for your own backs. As said before. .tough love

Mine were in their own rooms at 12 weeks. ...no adjustment problems, no fear of the dark.

[fred]

Talking about leaving the lights on. ..my house used to resemble Blackpool illuminations and that was to comfort the two adult women in the house :cwm25: I really don't get all this fear of the dark nonsense. ..now I can sleep comfortably in my bed in total darkness with both eyes closed. ..bliss! !!!
My boys, like me didn't have a problem with the dark or sleeping alone in their own rooms.

Sympathise with your situation. .must be so hard. ..sleep deprivation is tough.

The idea of keeping him up until he falls asleep is a terrible idea. .kids need routine .especially going to bed at a specific time routine.
This is the sort of thing you see a lot doing in the Philippines. ..you'll be making rods for your own backs. As said before. .tough love

Mine were in their own rooms at 12 weeks. ...no adjustment problems, no fear of the dark.

I woke up once to the sound of my son choking on his vomit once..We were there right beside him.. Turned him on his side and he stopped choking and the mini drama was over!
Left in a room on his own? Who knows..
There are no cot deaths in the Philippines because there are no cots!

[bhem_bhem]

Sounds as though with a little patience and time it will all come together Bhem bhem :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Yeah, I'm feeling positive that things will work out in the end. Hubby promised he will do his best just to see me happy.

[bhem_bhem]

Hope it all works out for you I am sure it will I have told my wife I want our son in his own room by 6 months old but she says can we do it at 12 months so I agreed, for a filipina then thats a good compromise :biggrin::smile:

Everything will be ok bhem_bhem

6 months is too early for me.. 2 years will be fine..

[bhem_bhem]

The idea of keeping him up until he falls asleep is a terrible idea. .kids need routine .especially going to bed at a specific time routine.
This is the sort of thing you see a lot doing in the Philippines. ..you'll be making rods for your own backs. As said before. .tough love

Mine were in their own rooms at 12 weeks. ...no adjustment problems, no fear of the dark.

I have to settle for it at the mo coz both of them are still adjusting.

I wouldn't let my babies sleep on their own that early, no one knows what will happen while they are sleeping. It's best they sleep with me so in case they need something, I'm there.

[Steve.r]

In our house again the same story, they all sleep in the same room. But they have rooms and the two grown boys have their own room with bunk beds but they never use them. Something I find strange is that from an early age darkness brings evil and ghosts and fear of the dark. :doh This must be installed from an early age because there is no fear unless someone puts something in your head. It sometimes makes me mad when I hear the story that they are scared of the dark and ghosts!!

[bhem_bhem]

I remember when I was young I'm scared to sleep on my own coz my friends told me stories about ghosts. My sons friend are doing that so now he is scared sleeping on his own.

[fred]

In our house again the same story, they all sleep in the same room. But they have rooms and the two grown boys have their own room with bunk beds but they never use them. Something I find strange is that from an early age darkness brings evil and ghosts and fear of the dark. :doh This must be installed from an early age because there is no fear unless someone puts something in your head. It sometimes makes me mad when I hear the story that they are scared of the dark and ghosts!!

Installing children!!:icon_lol:

http://pic.dhe.ibm.com/infocenter/tivihelp/v28r1/topic/com.ibm.tivoli.tpm.scenario.doc/images/os_hierarchy2.gif

[Steve.r]

Installing children!!:icon_lol:

http://pic.dhe.ibm.com/infocenter/tivihelp/v28r1/topic/com.ibm.tivoli.tpm.scenario.doc/images/os_hierarchy2.gif

Wrong choice of words :biggrin:


I remember when I was young I'm scared to sleep on my own coz my friends told me stories about ghosts. My sons friend are doing that so now he is scared sleeping on his own.Why do they do that? :doh

[bhem_bhem]

it's always been like that,, they do that to scare the other children. tbh, i've done it before but obviously i didn't know that it will scar/affect others..

[Terpe]

I've read through the whole thread.

I wouldn't get too concerned. It's a huge change for a young un and also a huge change for your husband.
Given that it's still only been a few weeks I would say it's just early settling-down stage.

Patience, trust and family togetherness is needed. Please do allow time for new routines to settle.

Plenty of great advice already given based on actual experiences under similar conditions.

[bhem_bhem]

I've read through the whole thread.

I wouldn't get too concerned. It's a huge change for a young un and also a huge change for your husband.
Given that it's still only been a few weeks I would say it's just early settling-down stage.

Patience, trust and family togetherness is needed. Please do allow time for new routines to settle.

Plenty of great advice already given based on actual experiences under similar conditions.

yeah,, i think my hubby is getting used of waking up at night now as he doesn't moan that much as he used to.

[malditako]

My son took 3 years to adjust as well as myself lol. Though up to now me and my husband lie down with him, read story books and chat till he falls asleep. Its a bit of a hard work...both me and my son. I miss sleeping with him with his little arms around me so once in a while he sleeps with us in our bedroom. Well they wont stay kid forever soon they would grow and wouldn't even want you to linger around lol so we taking all the chance till its last :)

[Terpe]

..... Well they wont stay kid forever soon they would grow and wouldn't even want you to linger around lol so we taking all the chance till its last :)

How true :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Kids grow up frighteningly fast.