moving in with the inlaws

[stevewool]

well what do you reckon on this, could it be done for so long till you know where you want to be or go, sounds a great idea but how long will it last,
I am on about me moving in over in the phils not the other way round,
3 men and Ems in the 1 house, we shall have our own room and the use of the rest of the house,
The only problem i can see myself is me getting used to it,but as ems says its a base till we know what we want , ups the other problem is we have to spend to do the house up too, :icon_lol::icon_lol:, but i do know with all the saying no no NO, we shall be doing the house up and yes before anyone gets there backs up myself and emma has spoken about this many many times over and over again,
I am asking people who have made this move and either its worked out or not,

[grahamw48]

In a word NO ! :NoNo:

Adults need their own house...even if it's only 10 feet away.

[stevewool]

thanks Graham, he has a little shed in the garden thats about 12 foot away which he rents out already

[imagine]

might bring stress on your relationship

[stevewool]

might bring stress on your relationship

its doing that now already:NoNo:

[tiger31]

well steve its very common here lookin after mama and pappa and on the whole it works for philippinos but you are from a different culture and I fear you will tire of this set up quite quickly .emm will be expected to be chief cook and bottle washer and i,m sure tensions will soon rise.so i,m in the no camp i,m affraid

[jake]

Been there done that and it wasn't that bad. :smile: We didn't spend any money on the house beforehand or whilst we lived there.

At the time i was building our castle and only went there to sleep. My wife who had been abroad for over 10 years enjoyed spending time with her elderly parents. My in laws had a pension and never asked or expected us to pay for anything. Not all families are the same though.

Both have since passed away and i miss them.

It really depends on the in laws and how comfortable you around them. Am guessing i might be the only one in the yes camp.

[Michael Parnham]

All you really need to do is Sleep Steve, just for a couple of weeks, no need to spend money. Get off to Bohol and rent somewhere asap then you have all the time in the world to find land and build a house!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevewool]

thanks guys, Ems dad is a great chap i can see us both getting on like a house on fire, truth be know i would rather him move in with us but he likes it where he is and i dont think will move at all only for holidays,

[grahamw48]

To be fair, me and the ex did move in with the in-laws for a few months, in the province. There were two houses on the lot, with about 8 feet in between them.

I really liked the arrangement, and spent most of my time just playing with the kids, making and flying kites, and reading lots of books. I let the Mrs. run whatever needed running. In the house next to us we had the sister-in-law and the 8 children that she still had living at home (all under 15 years old). They were a super family, most welcoming, and I enjoyed every minute of the 3 or 4 months.

Repeated the same thing a year or two later, this time with our baby son there too. :smile:

However, these were extended holidays, not permanent living arrangements where naturally I would have wanted more of a say in things.

[stevewool]

Graham if the place was rural i would jump at the idea but in a city and looking at nothing , well i know i would hate that, , but stranger things have happened at sea as they say

[stevewool]

All you really need to do is Sleep Steve, just for a couple of weeks, no need to spend money. Get off to Bohol and rent somewhere asap then you have all the time in the world to find land and build a house!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

soon we shall be there Michael,

[grahamw48]

Graham if the place was rural i would jump at the idea but in a city and looking at nothing , well i know i would hate that, , but stranger things have happened at sea as they say

Ah, you do have a point there. :Erm:

[Terpe]

Just my 2 centavos Steve ..............

It really does depend on You. imo
If you can get along with the in-laws and can remain calm and keep smiling in times of cultural misunderstandings then it could work out OK in the medium term.
If the in-laws cannot communicate in English and you cannot communicate in Tagalog then it's almost for sure that tensions will be born between husband and wife, due mainly to frustrations.
Marikina is a pretty good area that offers plenty of scope for outings etc. But having said that, you must have something to occupy you in mind and body.

Like I say Steve, it can work but the biggest 'problem' will be you, just make sure you are always part of the solution.

When we finally make the move we shall also be based in Marikina for quite some time too. I've done it before and can say it does take time to settle-in, get known and feel relaxed.

There's a massive difference between living with relatives/in-laws for a couple of weeks and living with them for months at a time.

I say yes, but do consider those practicalities of communications and filling the unforgiving minute (potential boredom)

[fred]

There's a massive difference between living with relatives/in-laws for a couple of weeks and living with them for months at a time.

Yes..A HUGE difference... It really is an eye opener.:yikes:

[grahamw48]

I forgot to say !

We (mainly I) also ran a toy store at the front of the house, plus on Saturdays...a market stall...in case you thought I just sat on my Rs all day. :cwm25:

[stevewool]

I forgot to say !

We (mainly I) also ran a toy store at the front of the house, plus on Saturdays...a market stall...in case you thought I just sat on my Rs all day. :cwm25:

so was it you who started toys Rs us then Graham :icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[stevewool]

you are right Peter in all you say, lots of planning is needed, its Ems plane is this, she gets the house done for her dad and he and she is happy and it will be a base for us too , so we can come and go as we please, it is a very good idea but there is no sea view :icon_lol::icon_lol:,

[stevewool]

Yes..A HUGE difference... It really is an eye opener.:yikes:

a long time ago in a far away place , my father in law moved in with us , World war 3 was on the cards straight away and since that time many many years ago we have not spoken to each other, a right t---t he is still :biggrin:

[Terpe]

a long time ago in a far away place , my father in law moved in with us , World war 3 was on the cards straight away and since that time many many years ago we have not spoken to each other, a right t---t he is still :biggrin:

But apart from that everythings OK ?? :biggrin:

:Cuckoo:

[Ako Si Jamie]

Where are the inlaws Steve? Manila?

[jonnijon]

Steve you will need to lay down very serious ground rules with "the family" when you get here or your house will be taken over. Dont say "oh it wont happen with my relatives" because believe me it will. Just a bit of advice for you. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[London_Manila]

Bad Idea

The best bit of advice i ever received in the Philippines was "keep her family as far away as possible"
Some of my x pat friends in Makati will not even allow any of their "wives" relatives to even to visit
Live anywhere in the Phills but as far away from her family as possible
Of course she will want to be near her family but that dont mean that it is going to be good for you
Resist letting her convince you its such a great idea........

You will be expected to pay for everything :thumbsdown:


Before anyone jumps on my post and tells me "oh its so great being near her family and you love it"
Give it more time and you will end up agreeing with me :wink:

[fred]

Bad Idea The best bit of advice i ever received in the Philippines was "keep her family as far away as possible"Some of my x pat friends in Makati will not even allow any of their "wives" relatives to even to visitLive anywhere in the Phills but as far away from her family as possibleOf course she will want to be near her family but that dont mean that it is going to be good for youResist letting her convince you its such a great idea........You will be expected to pay for everything :thumbsdown:Before anyone jumps on my post and tells me "oh its so great being near her family and you love it"Give it more time and you will end up agreeing with me :wink:Agreed.

[jake]

Bad Idea

The best bit of advice i ever received in the Philippines was "keep her family as far away as possible"
Some of my x pat friends in Makati will not even allow any of their "wives" relatives to even to visit
Live anywhere in the Phills but as far away from her family as possible
Of course she will want to be near her family but that dont mean that it is going to be good for you
Resist letting her convince you its such a great idea........

You will be expected to pay for everything :thumbsdown:


Before anyone jumps on my post and tells me "oh its so great being near her family and you love it"
Give it more time and you will end up agreeing with me :wink:

Been living near my wife's family for 14 years and i do not agree with you. Do you think i have given it enough time :wink: We live about 3km from my wife's family and they do not intrude. Around 3 times a year we have a family party at our house and it can be months before i see some of them again.
Just because certain family members have faults, doesn't mean the whole family has to be tarred with the same brush. Diba!

So you expat friends will not allow there #wives# parents or siblings to visit them. Sound like they are a right bunch of bullies your mates!

Have you ever lived with a girlfriend in the Philippines or all your facts just based on what other people have told you?

[tiger31]

I have to agree with jake on this one although I voted not to live with inlaws Family is very important to philippinos and I like having them live near by coz misus is happy that she can pop round or they can call in anytime too.I think to suggest to live far away as possible from family is rather cruel on your lady and that type of guy sounds like a control freak which can only lead to an unhappy marriage.not all family members are vultures if a sibbling is married to a foreigner my g f has 8 brothers and sisters and have never had any problems with scrounging etc they are not rich just average I guess.Its just pot luck what type of family you end up with.

[rani]

I agree with you jake! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

You can't generalize people by race, because everyone's different. Within every country or ethnicity, there are both "good" and "bad" people.

Don't be too judgmental folks :NoNo:

[stevewool]

i too agree with jake , there are certain members of my family who gets on my nerves but i tell them and we still see each other, you have to take people how they are,
I think 1 hour away is a great space between us living over there, ok thats by plane:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:,

[Michael Parnham]

Bad Idea

The best bit of advice i ever received in the Philippines was "keep her family as far away as possible"
Some of my x pat friends in Makati will not even allow any of their "wives" relatives to even to visit
Live anywhere in the Phills but as far away from her family as possible
Of course she will want to be near her family but that dont mean that it is going to be good for you
Resist letting her convince you its such a great idea........

You will be expected to pay for everything :thumbsdown:


Before anyone jumps on my post and tells me "oh its so great being near her family and you love it"
Give it more time and you will end up agreeing with me :wink:

I agree with you LM, one must at least lay down some rules in order to nip it in the bud!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[raynaputi]

Been living near my wife's family for 14 years and i do not agree with you. Do you think i have given it enough time :wink: We live about 3km from my wife's family and they do not intrude. Around 3 times a year we have a family party at our house and it can be months before i see some of them again.
Just because certain family members have faults, doesn't mean the whole family has to be tarred with the same brush. Diba!

So you expat friends will not allow there #wives# parents or siblings to visit them. Sound like they are a right bunch of bullies your mates!

Have you ever lived with a girlfriend in the Philippines or all your facts just based on what other people have told you?


I have to agree with jake on this one although I voted not to live with inlaws Family is very important to philippinos and I like having them live near by coz misus is happy that she can pop round or they can call in anytime too.I think to suggest to live far away as possible from family is rather cruel on your lady and that type of guy sounds like a control freak which can only lead to an unhappy marriage.not all family members are vultures if a sibbling is married to a foreigner my g f has 8 brothers and sisters and have never had any problems with scrounging etc they are not rich just average I guess.Its just pot luck what type of family you end up with.

You two deserve some reps! :xxgrinning--00xx3: I can't believe some of the guys here would want their wives to be as far away as possible from her family. You might as well take her to UK then and don't live in the Philippines. If in case Keith and I would live in the Philippines, I won't let him live in my family's house because he would have lots of troubles, but I'm sure he won't tell me to live as far away as possible from them. That's just cruel to your wife if that's the case. :NoNo: I'm lucky that Keith's the one who's telling me that we better stay in a hotel in Cavite when we go back for a vacation because it would be nearer to my family (most of them stays there now and just my siblings who are working are in Manila) and we can see them as much as possible.

[Michael Parnham]

You two deserve some reps! :xxgrinning--00xx3: I can't believe some of the guys here would want their wives to be as far away as possible from her family. You might as well take her to UK then and don't live in the Philippines. If in case Keith and I would live in the Philippines, I won't let him live in my family's house because he would have lots of troubles, but I'm sure he won't tell me to live as far away as possible from them. That's just cruel to your wife if that's the case. :NoNo: I'm lucky that Keith's the one who's telling me that we better stay in a hotel in Cavite when we go back for a vacation because it would be nearer to my family (most of them stays there now and just my siblings who are working are in Manila) and we can see them as much as possible.

I'm sure just a few miles is quite acceptable Rayna!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[jake]

I have to agree with jake on this one although I voted not to live with inlaws Family is very important to philippinos and I like having them live near by coz misus is happy that she can pop round or they can call in anytime too.I think to suggest to live far away as possible from family is rather cruel on your lady and that type of guy sounds like a control freak which can only lead to an unhappy marriage.not all family members are vultures if a sibbling is married to a foreigner my g f has 8 brothers and sisters and have never had any problems with scrounging etc they are not rich just average I guess.Its just pot luck what type of family you end up with.

Well said :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[jake]

You two deserve some reps! :xxgrinning--00xx3: I can't believe some of the guys here would want their wives to be as far away as possible from her family. You might as well take her to UK then and don't live in the Philippines. If in case Keith and I would live in the Philippines, I won't let him live in my family's house because he would have lots of troubles, but I'm sure he won't tell me to live as far away as possible from them. That's just cruel to your wife if that's the case. :NoNo: I'm lucky that Keith's the one who's telling me that we better stay in a hotel in Cavite when we go back for a vacation because it would be nearer to my family (most of them stays there now and just my siblings who are working are in Manila) and we can see them as much as possible.

Thank you Rayna.

When it comes to important decisions they should not be made independently. Both the husband and wife have an equal say. Where they live and how money is spent. Have seen many an expat set financial boundaries without consulting there wives. :Erm: my wife sets the financial amount we spend and it is always too low!

[fred]

You two deserve some reps! :xxgrinning--00xx3: I can't believe some of the guys here would want their wives to be as far away as possible from her family. You might as well take her to UK then and don't live in the Philippines. If in case Keith and I would live in the Philippines, I won't let him live in my family's house because he would have lots of troubles, but I'm sure he won't tell me to live as far away as possible from them. That's just cruel to your wife if that's the case. :NoNo: I'm lucky that Keith's the one who's telling me that we better stay in a hotel in Cavite when we go back for a vacation because it would be nearer to my family (most of them stays there now and just my siblings who are working are in Manila) and we can see them as much as possible.In our case,the most successful siblings that my wife has ALL moved away years ago.. The ones that stayed are all as poor as a church mice even though their kids are sent to school and college by the sibling OFW`s in the family.I invested everything I had back in the late 80`s to her provincial family and provided capital for many projects to set them up and become independent...Piggeries,Poultry`s, Capital for this and for that!! (even though the Mrs warned me not too) Big mistake and one I`m glad I made whilst young enough to recover.. Its my Mrs these days that appreciates the distance.. Would I go back to live near her family?? Not unless I wanted to live alone!!Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

[raynaputi]

Thank you Rayna.

When it comes to important decisions they should not be made independently. Both the husband and wife have an equal say. Where they live and how money is spent. Have seen many an expat set financial boundaries without consulting there wives. :Erm: my wife sets the financial amount we spend and it is always too low!

I know...even now that I'm here in the UK, Keith would tell me to order gifts online for my family on birthdays and other special occasions. Sometimes we do send monetary gifts. Yes, we do have a budget but we always talk about it whether it's enough or not. My family never asks from us (they do it jokingly but nothing serious really) so anything they get from us is something that Keith and I has talked about before we give it to them. Not because I want to, but because Keith also wants too.

I've seen how Keith is with his family. And I'm glad that he's close to his family so he has a very clear idea how I am with my family. :xxgrinning--00xx3: My grandad (my mum's dad) just died this week and my aunt and uncle who are in Kuwait wanted to go home (I can't again unfortunately because my docs are in the UKBA for BRP replacement) and I was really surprised that Keith wanted to lend them the money to get home (my aunt and uncle didn't ask us by the way and I never asked Keith if we can lend them money). Keith was looking for the flights. It's just unfortunate that the cost of the flight is too high, same cost coming here from UK! We really didn't expect it would be like that. Too bad that we can't afford it ourselves to help them, but Keith's gesture really made me glad. (My aunt and uncle would be able to go home on Tuesday as they managed to borrow money.)

[jake]

(even though the Mrs warned me not too)

That is the point i am trying to make about an equal partnership. You should both agree on important decisions before moving forward with them. Its your turn to do the dishes :cwm3:

[fred]

That is the point i am trying to make about an equal partnership. You should both agree on important decisions before moving forward with them. Its your turn to do the dishes :cwm3:Yes and we all make mistakes and must learn from them..Thats why we live so far away from my inlaws!!

[London_Manila]

Well i am sorry if my post ruffled a few feathers but i stand by my post
Of course there will always be a "few" relationships where living with the in laws worked out ok
But I feel these relationships are very much in the minority
I dont blame the wives in all of this but the family members who will expect to be provided for
If anything i actually feel sorry for the wives because they are the ones who are normally caught
up in the middle of all of this
A loving husband on one side and a family with needs on the other

I do have personal reasons for these views as well
When i had a condo in pasig and my x gf family members came to visit i always had problems
Apart from eating everything in my condo they would then have the cheek to ask for the taxi fare home
One of them always had some kind of forthcoming medical condition that needed to be funded
Any kind of excuse was used to try and get some money out of me
The loans that never get repaid = never any intention of repaying

I have discussed this with many x pats over there and this kind of thing with the family is very much the norm
Not that i had met a particularly bad Pinoy family

My x pat friends in Makati will allow their wives to visit their families any time they want to
So i dont believe they are bullies at all
They love their wives and hope to stay with them so keeping the family at bay stops all the
associated problems before they even start

[fred]

Well i am sorry if my post ruffled a few feathers but i stand by my postOf course there will always be a "few" relationships where living with the in laws worked out okBut I feel these relationships are very much in the minority I dont blame the wives in all of this but the family members who will expect to be provided forIf anything i actually feel sorry for the wives because they are the ones who are normally caughtup in the middle of all of thisA loving husband on one side and a family with needs on the otherMy x pat friends in Makati will allow their wives to visit their families any time they want toSo i dont believe they are bullies at allThey love their wives and hope to stay with them so keeping the family at bay stops all the associated problems before they even startWell said. I agree..I have always encouraged my Mrs to go and visit her family when ever she likes..I enjoy the odd visit myself as I think the world of them as do our kids..Thing is though,the Mrs keeps the visits to a minimum these days as she is tired of family drama`s gone bad..If we ever did move back there then I think an eventual move back to the UK would be the result.. In other words..A DISASTER.They have rarely asked us for cash except for the odd contribution to medical emergencies..I could go on and on about the wife being stressed out and trying to remain neutral between her Filipino family and a British husband and other cultural differences and misunderstandings etc etc.. But thats another topic.

[stevewool]

make your bed and lie in it as my dad always said, its good to talks and find out what others have domne or not done, but it is down to each of us to make the choice,
There are going to lots of changes for me in the future some will be good some not so good, but as long as we are together me and Ems thats all that matters