How to live with a 16 yrs. Old step son?

[Cold Spud]

What would you expect for a 16 years old boy who had just decided to live with his Dad and his step mother? How are you going to tell him to stop making a repeated mess in the house without upsetting him? I just want to become a good step Mom but I am really tired cleaning up the house. Can any parents here in this forum help me please? as I don't know how the UK family works here considering I have never been a mother myself.:bigcry::bigcry::Help1:

[grahamw48]

I have brought up two (Filipino) stepkids myself.

You need to have some serious words with your partner.

He should be the one to sort his son out and not allow you to be put through this.

It's just not fair on you.

Well that's my opinion anyway.

Oh, and the British family SHOULD work on the basis of people in a household respecting each other and not behaving in a selfish and intolerable way.
Naturally teenagers can be more 'troublesome', but you should not be suffering.

[Cold Spud]

Thanks Graham:smile: I will take your advice and will talk to my husband about it.

[raynaputi]

You should talk to your husband about your current dilemma with his son. You can ask your husband to tell his son to clean up his mess and all that. Keith's son (aged 22) stays here in the house for a few days monthly. It's a good thing that I can tell him to clean up his mess because we do get along very well. And he knows his dad agrees for him to stay over because he wants stuffs to be done in the house (like cutting trees or cleaning the car, etc.). Talk to your husband and let him know about it. I'm sure he would understand you and he would tell his son how to be proper (well he should).

[bigmarco]

I agree with Graham and Rayna. We have my 2 daughters living at home and on the rare occasion that it does arise, I always deal with it.
You really need to have a chat with your husband when your alone and I'm sure he'll understand. We can't deal with the issues if we are not aware of them. After all us blokes are not quite as clean as you ladies :biggrin:

[tiger31]

this situation will strain your marriage no doubt its not easy dealing with a step child I have done it for 15 years but the child was a girl and she turned out ok in the end .but a stroppy scotish teenage boy will be a bit too much for you to handle .did your husband discuss with you about him coming to live with you before he moved in ? you will need to put your foot down early on here and tell him your not his maid and that he is to clean his own mess up .I do hope he does,nt start to coz a problem between you and your husband good luck.

[alan_mac]

I agree with the above - it's primarily down to your husband to set the boundaries.

A couple of other things to consider:

1. Teenagers need a bit of leeway now and then. My three split their time between their mother and me. She is always on their case about doing this and fixing that. I give them space to be kids (usually).

However, 2. If you ask him to do something make sure it is done on time and to a proper standard. It may be counter-intuitive but Teens often like boundaries as long as they are fair and consistent.

3. Make sure he gives you due respect. If he is lippy then tell him. If he keeps being lippy then 'report' him to your husband.

[Michael Parnham]

If he was my son I would lay down some rules and if he didn't abide by them out he would go, my wife comes first!:xxaction-smiley-047

[grahamw48]

Hold on.

Just talking it through should help calm the waters. The boy has a lot to cope with too.

No way would I throw my son out for anyone.

[stevewool]

his mess he cleans it, try talking to your man and just explain things, ,
Sometimes i have to step in here at home, my son sometimes forgets to do things but i am quick of the mark to say, when you pick your cloths up and put them in the washer put mine in too and then hang them on the line, that works a treat

[alan_mac]

Hold on.

Just talking it through should help calm the waters. The boy has a lot to cope with too.

No way would I throw my son out for anyone.
Agreed. Blood is thicker than water. But boys need to learn manners.

[grahamw48]

Agreed. Blood is thicker than water. But boys need to learn manners.

But of course, and that's why the father needs to have words with his son.

I certainly get on my boy's case if he starts leaving the place like a tip. :xxgrinning--00xx3: