How to Understand & Help my wife adjust to UK

[songz777]

Hi guys.
I guess this is more for the ladies who have left their home land and moved to UK with the husbands.

I really need to know what it feel likes for you to leave home and come here so I can understand and help my wife adjust later.

Please give me advise on what to do to make things easier.
How long does it take to adjust?
What Can I do to make her feel more like being home?
What can I do to support her in emotional times?

I really appreciate your advise here.

Many thanks
John

[stevewool]

its good to hear you are thinking ahead, all i can offer for now is to be there for her but also give her the freedom too, she may surprise you and be very quick to adapt here

[Terpe]

its good to hear you are thinking ahead, all i can offer for now is to be there for her but also give her the freedom too, she may surprise you and be very quick to adapt here

Sound practical advice there from Steve :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[songz777]

Thanks Steve and Terpe always appreciate your kind help :)

[lordna]

Hi guys.
I guess this is more for the ladies who have left their home land and moved to UK with the husbands.

I really need to know what it feel likes for you to leave home and come here so I can understand and help my wife adjust later.

Please give me advise on what to do to make things easier.
How long does it take to adjust?
What Can I do to make her feel more like being home?
What can I do to support her in emotional times?

I really appreciate your advise here.

Many thanks
John

Buy a rice cooker.
Look for a source of filipino foods ie your local store
Get access to filipino TV channels ....there are several free websites
Find out if there is a local filipino community
Is she religious (probably)...Locate the local catholic church and take her there if she wants to go.
Get her to signon the this forum
Make sure she has the means to contact friends/family at home...we use the ipad facetime etc.
Make sure she is registered at the local GP and can get there independantly if necessary.
If she would like to work then try and find some work locally where she can mix with people other than yourself.
Introduce her to your family and make her feel she is part of it and welcome. Maybe have a family meal.

[Dedworth]

The Argos Rice Cooker (£11.99 part number 936/7809) will stand you in good stead as will setting up bookmarks on your web browser for some mind numbing Phil TV sites like www.pinoy-ako.info :biggrin:

[stevewool]

thanks for the rep Peter:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevewool]

thanks for the rep Peter:xxgrinning--00xx3:, plus our rice cooker from wilkinson has lasted us over 3 years hard running:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[filbrit]

its good to hear you are thinking ahead, all i can offer for now is to be there for her but also give her the freedom too, she may surprise you and be very quick to adapt here - another thumbs up from me. do not underestimate your girl.

Do not spoil her by surrounding her with everything that is Filipino right away. The thing is help her adapt and not not make her miss the life in Philippines more.
In my case, it started with setting my mind that my life is here now with my husband where the world is totally different and I won't make it hard for my husband and myself.
The first month was spent with introducing me to his family and friends, then touring in London and other nearby places. Husband taught me how to be independent like how to commute, go to places where I can have a walk (like a form of exercise) if I wish to go out, how to shop on my own and made me familiarize with the usual English food and how to prepare them. After all that, he let me do things on my own, he gave me the freedom to choose what to cook or not (I still cook Filipino food). :)

What made me overcome homesickness is keeping in touch with my family through skype and facebook. I became friends with those people I met when I took my english test in PH who are also here now; we always message each other sharing our sentiments and that helped me a lot.

Most importantly, I feel I'm home from Day 1 because husband never gets tired of being there for me. He shows me how much I'm being loved. He doesn't get mad or annoyed when I start to miss home and complain about the weather etc. He trusted me, gave me enough money so I can do and buy what I want. He helps me with the household chores. I have a long list, lol. It is really up to you and your wife, keep the love burning!

[lordna]

The Argos Rice Cooker (£11.99 part number 936/7809) will stand you in good stead as will setting up bookmarks on your web browser for some mind numbing Phil TV sites like www.pinoy-ako.info :biggrin:

Yes agree....our rice cooker came from Argos at that price and still going strong after about 3 and a half years!

[Slip]

That's the rice cooker I bought after a month in Seychelles back in October 2011. I lived on fish and rice back then lol

Only problem I have with it is I always get a skin of rice stuck to the bottom of it.

[raynaputi]

It took me probably around 2 months to finally accept I'm in the UK already. :icon_lol: I think I cried a lot during the first month because I'm not really used to being away with my family. :icon_lol: (I'm not including the 10 months I felt very low while waiting for my FLR(M) visa! :thumbsdown:). But being able to talk to them everyday via Facebook and Skype really helped a lot.

Before I arrived here in the UK, Keith already bought all the things I need (ie. rice cooker, rice, coats, etc.). We also went shopping for more clothes and shoes the first two weeks, which made me a bit giddy. :biggrin: Anyway, what made me really at home was being introduced to all Keith's family and friends (who we regularly see). Of course I still miss all my family and Filipino friends back home up to this date, but having friends around the neighbourhood (even if no one is Filipina) made me feel welcomed in the country. Even though I wished there's a Filipina around the village where I can talk to in Tagalog the first few months I got here, it doesn't matter to me now because there are neighbours in the village who I can talk to and have a laugh with. I'm lucky though that Keith and I are together 24/7 so I don't really stay on my own. Plus having 2 guinea pigs make me amused everyday. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[sars_notd_virus]

Hi guys.
I guess this is more for the ladies who have left their home land and moved to UK with the husbands.

I really need to know what it feel likes for you to leave home and come here so I can understand and help my wife adjust later.



I really appreciate your advise here.

Many thanks
John

*bring her over in summer and just let her get on with it
*give her access to the fil uk forum
*take her out to shoe shops...
and before you know it she will have more friends than you.
or at least more friends than you are allowed to have.
*make sure that she knows where the fish monger is.
*make sure she knows where the kabayan/asian shop is.
*make sure you have a nose peg for when she is cooking her dried fish/squid
or any other delicately fragranced filipino dish.
*take to shoe shop again.
*remember the more shoes she has the more adapt she will feel in the UK.

[Michael Parnham]

I added Maritess to my bank a/c and taught her how to budget, but having said that it was always difficult to get her to spend, she really enjoys buying clothes from charity shops, but I always make sure she gets her shoes from Clarks. The difficult thing for her is friends, she has only met one person that she considers a friend and she is a Filipina, with reference to anyone else there are a couple of local ladies that she talks to at her work. I really wish my brothers and sister would accept us then Maritess would have some family to support her if ever she needed support, Filipina's are rare in the area we live and that's why I would like her to use the Forum instead of the other well known social website, hopefully she will in the not too distant future!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[scottishbride]

Hi guys.
I guess this is more for the ladies who have left their home land and moved to UK with the husbands.

I really need to know what it feel likes for you to leave home and come here so I can understand and help my wife adjust later.

Please give me advise on what to do to make things easier.
How long does it take to adjust?
What Can I do to make her feel more like being home?
What can I do to support her in emotional times?

I really appreciate your advise here.

Many thanks
John

When I moved here in 2009. It was difficult...especially the place I live in now, it is a small town in Scotland and the mall is like miles away. :cwm24::NoNo: I have lived in the City, I have always been a City girl. I like the noise and the crowd. But when I moved in here... I think I've got environment shock :icon_lol: and of course the people in the area, known each other since they were young and they know everyone in the town. I think they have never leave the town ever. So it was like, I will always be an outsider in this town. :thumbsdown: It took me a year to adjust and settle down. What I did was I applied for a job, :smile: I sign up for social club :icon_lol: and also I attended Church Service and my daughter goes to Sunday school. :xxgrinning--00xx3: Also, I keep myself occupied by taking up short courses at College. Your wife will need your, love, patient, understanding and support. Good luck hope this will help. I am sure she will settle though it takes time... But she will. :smile:

[songz777]

Thank you so much for all your advise my friends. Rice cooker is a must! My family 3 sister in laws are already in touch and my brothers wife is knitting some warm cloths! I will def take her shopping shoes and juist shopping in the superr markets have family events and she will get involved in our church kids cluds. I will get her driving soon as we live in the country small hamlet. She is a city girl so I will need to get out to the shops and food shopping etc and get some warm cloths pretty quick.

Thank you so much.

John

[quickwillow]

Hi John,
Apart from the rice cooker and shopping,
My wife misses family and friends from her area (Mindanao) and talking in bisaya she has made friends with people that are from other areas of the Phils but needs more friends from her area. She has a really good friend that lives in London not easy to meet regularly when we live on the Somerset Devon border.
Where is your wife from ? It may be nice to meet up sometime if you and your wife would like? :smile:

[raynaputi]

When I moved here in 2009. It was difficult...especially the place I live in now, it is a small town in Scotland and the mall is like miles away. :cwm24::NoNo: I have lived in the City, I am always been a City girl. I like the noise and the crowd. But when I moved in here... I think I've got environment shock:icon_lol: and of course the people in the area, known each other since they were young and they know everyone in the town. I think they have never leave the town ever. So it was like, I will always be an outsider in this town. :thumbsdown: It took me a year to adjust and settle down. What I did was I applied for a job,:smile: I sign up for social club :icon_lol: and also I attended Church Service and my daughter goes to Sunday school.:xxgrinning--00xx3: Also, I keep myself occupied by taking up short courses at College. Your wife will need your, love, patient, understanding and support. Good luck hope this will help. I am sure she will settle though it takes time... But she will. :smile:

I have always been a city girl too! And moving from the city to here in North Wales where we live (a small village which is around 3 miles away from town) was a shocking thing for me. :omg: And buses only comes 2x at the bus stop, once in the morning and once at night! :doh Even before I came here, I kept on asking Keith how is the environment and I kept on worrying I might become deaf of too much silence around me! Hahaha..:icon_lol: But I got used to it eventually after a few months. Having some neighbours that I can talk to was really a change. :xxgrinning--00xx3: And good thing I'm easily amused with the animals like the sheep, cows, horses, birds and squirrels surrounding the village. :biggrin:

[Terpe]

...Only problem I have with it is I always get a skin of rice stuck to the bottom of it....

Ah, yes.....dukot :hubbahubba::hubbahubba:

(Bisaya...check it out)

[Terpe]

.... it was always difficult to get her to spend....

I have the direct opposite problem with my dear wife :doh

[Terpe]

...My wife misses family and friends from her area (Mindanao) and talking in bisaya...

I can really understand that.....my wife often needs to speak to someone in her own language.

The times I lived away from UK I also really missed have a meaningful conversation in English. I guess it's another facet of being homesick....

Good point though :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[songz777]

Hi John,
Apart from the rice cooker and shopping,
My wife misses family and friends from her area (Mindanao) and talking in bisaya she has made friends with people that are from other areas of the Phils but needs more friends from her area. She has a really good friend that lives in London not easy to meet regularly when we live on the Somerset Devon border.
Where is your wife from ? It maybe nice to meet up sometime if you and your wife would like?:smile:

My wife is from Mindano CDO .. when she arrives here i will get her to spend some time on here to chat to other s about her feelings emotions etc .. I am sure nearer the time we will meet up :) :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[bigmarco]

Hi John looks like you've had some great advice already.:xxgrinning--00xx3:
Here's a link to a Fil-Brit community in Exeter which might be of interest to you

http://www.fil-brit-exeter.org.uk/

[stevewool]

- another thumbs up from me. do not underestimate your girl.

Do not spoil her by surrounding her with everything that is Filipino right away. The thing is help her adapt and not not make her miss the life in Philippines more.
In my case, it started with setting my mind that my life is here now with my husband where the world is totally different and I won't make it hard for my husband and myself.
The first month was spent with introducing me to his family and friends, then touring in London and other nearby places. Husband taught me how to be independent like how to commute, go to places where I can have a walk (like a form of exercise) if I wish to go out, how to shop on my own and made me familiarize with the usual English food and how to prepare them. After all that, he let me do things on my own, he gave me the freedom to choose what to cook or not (I still cook Filipino food). :)

What made me overcome homesickness is keeping in touch with my family through skype and facebook. I became friends with those people I met when I took my english test in PH who are also here now; we always message each other sharing our sentiments and that helped me a lot.

Most importantly, I feel I'm home from Day 1 because husband never gets tired of being there for me. He shows me how much I'm being loved. He doesn't get mad or annoyed when I start to miss home and complain about the weather etc. He trusted me, gave me enough money so I can do and buy what I want. He helps me with the household chores. I have a long list, lol. It is really up to you and your wife, keep the love burning!

well said :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevewool]

find the local KFC too, that helps

[Moy]

Hi John,
Apart from the rice cooker and shopping,
My wife misses family and friends from her area (Mindanao) and talking in bisaya she has made friends with people that are from other areas of the Phils but needs more friends from her area. She has a really good friend that lives in London not easy to meet regularly when we live on the Somerset Devon border.
Where is your wife from ? It maybe nice to meet up sometime if you and your wife would like?:smile:

hi i live in plymouth and i am from Mindanao too (bisaya) Davao city :)
and i do know how your wife feel:wink:
3 years now but i still not to it...here in the UK moonin all the time :bigcry::icon_lol::cwm24::biggrin::thumbsdown::Cuckoo::Rasp:

[babytoad]

Terpe, women can never have too many shoes, clothes or bags! My hubby thank GOD every day that my fav shop is OXFAM! :biggrin:

[Terpe]

Terpe, women can never have too many shoes, clothes or bags! My hubby thank GOD every day that my fav shop is OXFAM! :biggrin:

I would not be telling stories 'out-of-school' if I revealed that my wife has shoes and handbags that still have the price tag and original wrapping. :doh

It's her money which she works darned hard for...so I guess she deserves to enjoy the shopping and purchase hunting ....

[lordna]

I can really understand that.....my wife often needs to speak to someone in her own language.

The times I lived away from UK I also really missed have a meaningful conversation in English. I guess it's another facet of being homesick....

Good point though :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Yep, i can understand that too as i lived/worked in Munich in my younger days and longed for a sensible conversation with someone English. Funny thing is when i got back to the UK i found it difficult to speak English, sometimes using Deutchglish and confusing the hell out of everyone. I might also add i returned to the UK as homesickness got the better of me. A very strange thing that feeling of homesickness!

[malditako]

it took me 6 months to adjust, depression at some point. Just make sure she doesn't get bored. Give her freedom to spend and buy her familiar food.

[Michael Parnham]

Yep, i can understand that too as i lived/worked in Munich in my younger days and longed for a sensible conversation with someone English. Funny thing is when i got back to the UK i found it difficult to speak English, sometimes using Deutchglish and confusing the hell out of everyone. I might also add i returned to the UK as homesickness got the better of me. A very strange thing that feeling of homesickness!

I know the feeling too! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Rosie1958]

Hi guys.
I guess this is more for the ladies who have left their home land and moved to UK with the husbands.

I really need to know what it feel likes for you to leave home and come here so I can understand and help my wife adjust later.

Please give me advise on what to do to make things easier.
How long does it take to adjust?
What Can I do to make her feel more like being home?
What can I do to support her in emotional times?

I really appreciate your advise here.

Many thanks
John

John, you are clearly a VERY thoughtful guy and that in itself will make your wife's adjustment easier. You have received some great advice here in this thread, much if which I practised myself when introducing my Filipina sister-in-law to the British way of life.

Wishing you both the VERY best of luck and happiness when she arrives :heartshape1::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Arthur Little]

I know the feeling too! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Me, too!! East ... west ... home's BEST! :xxgrinning--00xx3: