Sleeping Apart

[marksroomspain]

Don't know whether you guys remember earlier threads I posted but have been sleeping in separate rooms to my wife and baby now for 6 weeks.

The reason behind it was that I feared hurting my son when I slept which I have accidentally rolled onto he's spread out arms and got paranoid that something more serious could happen hence seperate rooms.

I have been getting a better nights sleep since then but sort of miss having my wife by my side. (I know it sounds silly but I miss what we used to have)

She suggested moving his crib into the spare room where I am at the moment then I move back into the master bedroom where she can still sleep with our son in the double bed but put the single bed alongside for me to sleep in, I find this so awkward and yes I will miss the closeness we had and just want us to be like we were before.

So sad at mo, I love her so much but feel like we are drifting apart just been together in UK 10 months and this is the situation.

Please guys dont jump on this to give me criticism just need your thoughts, gwaps any input buddy...:cwm34:

[grahamw48]

I would do as she suggests. Otherwise it looks like you're looking for excuses/justification.

Unless you WANT to let things slide of course.

Sorry, but you're sounding quite pathetic. Wake up man.

[marksroomspain]

I would do as she suggests. Otherwise it looks like you're looking for excuses/justification.

Unless you WANT to let things slide of course.

Sorry, but you're sounding quite pathetic. Wake up man.

I am sorry but find your input an insult to my integrity I asked for non critical input which I duly find you cannot give, maybe I may sound pathetic but I love my wife way beyond what most guys could ever dream about.

No offence Graham...

[grahamw48]

No offence ? Why should I be offended ?

You asked a question on an open forum. What answers do you want to hear ?

Oh, 'non-critical' ones, whatever that means. :NoNo:

We're adults here, not teenagers.

[marksroomspain]

Fair comment...

[gWaPito]

Don't know whether you guys remember earlier threads I posted but have been sleeping in separate rooms to my wife and baby now for 6 weeks.

The reason behind it was that I feared hurting my son when I slept which I have accidentally rolled onto he's spread out arms and got paranoid that something more serious could happen hence seperate rooms.

I have been getting a better nights sleep since then but sort of miss having my wife by my side.( I know it sounds silly but I miss what we used to have)

She suggested moving his crib into the spare room where I am at the moment then I move back into the master bedroom where she can still sleep with our son in the double bed but put the single bed alongside for me to sleep in, I find this so awkward and yes I will miss the closeness we had and just want us to be like we were before.

So sad at mo, I love her so much but feel like we are drifting apart just been together in UK 10 months and this is the situation.

Please guys dont jump on this to give me criticism just need your thoughts, gwaps any input buddy...:cwm34:

I would do has she suggested Mark...that's got to be an improvement on your current situation. This mother and baby sleeping together act is quite the norm over there..My wife's sister did it with her 2 boys and Jane did it with our first up to a point..........I wouldn't take it personally Mark.

Like you said, they've only been here 10 months so perhaps your wife is still missing home thus possibly being over caring to your son

The life you had together before Mark is gone..you have a wonderful son now who will take priority over you..surely you wouldn't want it any different...your wife sounds a brilliant mother....I certainly woundn't want the opposite.

I went into my marriage dreaming of this Mark....I love my children...What I wouldn't give to have my wife and boys back fulltime....what have I got now...emptiness..toys without boys a home without a soul...it comes to life 2 nights of the week...I'm living each week for the days I have them..I love them more as each week passes....I can't even call them on the the phone to say goodnight and sing their nursery songs..i miss them so much!!!..........you surely wouldn't want that Mark

[rani]

Your wife suggestion is a typical Filipino practice. However, you may also suggest if the baby could stay in the crib beside your "couple" bed. Your wife can have the crib side of the bed :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

Your wife suggestion is a typical Filipino practice. However, you may also suggest if the baby could stay in the crib beside your "couple" bed. Your wife can have the crib side of the bed :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Yes :xxgrinning--00xx3:...This is what my wife did in the end to get him out of our bed...it took time but, it worked out

[tiger31]

its the philippino way so don,t think your relationship is on the slide.it won,t be long until littleone has his own room then everything back to normal ,hell my g f slept in the same bed as her daughter for years until I came along lol .

[gWaPito]

its the philippino way so don,t think your relationship is on the slide.it won,t belong until littleone has his own room then everything back to normal ,hell my g f slept in the same bed as her daughter for years until I came along lol .

Just goes to show you Mark....it's all quite normal :biggrin::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[rani]

Yes :xxgrinning--00xx3:...This is what my wife did in the end to get him out of our bed...it took time but, it worked out

Thanks for the rep, gwapito :Wave:

[gWaPito]

Thanks for the rep, gwapito :Wave:

You're welcome :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I noticed you didnt have many :NoNo: Especially when you consider your posts are meaningful without waffle :biggrin::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevewool]

i would do what you have said put the bed in the room, or buy a very large bed and all get it in, there are lots of ways to sort this out, all go to bed together and just before you fall asleep move to the other bed, just a thought,

[Michael Parnham]

Yes Mark do as others have suggested, you're probably being a little paranoid I'm sure you've nothing to worry about at all! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[grahamw48]

Thanks for the anonymous negative rep....whoever. lol

I'm not tired and irritable now, but I agree with my excellent advice. :biggrin:

.

[SimonH]

Thanks for the anonymous negative rep....whoever. lol

I'm not tired and irritable now, but I agree with my excellent advice. :biggrin:

.

Hey Graham, have a positive one for being honest :xxgrinning--00xx3:
If you give out negative rep at least have the balls to say who it's from :Rasp:

[SimonH]

Your wife suggestion is a typical Filipino practice. However, you may also suggest if the baby could stay in the crib beside your "couple" bed. Your wife can have the crib side of the bed :xxgrinning--00xx3:

This sounds like an ideal compromise to me :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Phrasing the suggestion to your wife in the right way will also have a big impact on whether she agrees or not. Two ears, one mouth...... think twice, speak once :wink:

[tiger31]

actually getting sent to the spare room is a respite for me as she,s always chasin me round the bedroom ,she,s like a dog on heat :biggrin: we old codgers can,t keep up ya know. so when I need a rest just cause an argument she go tampo :Cuckoo:

[grahamw48]

:icon_lol::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

i would do what you have said put the bed in the room, or buy a very large bed and all get it in, there are lots of ways to sort this out , all go to bed together and just before you fall asleep move to the other bed , just a thought,

We did this as well Steve..luckily we are all small, compact and perfectly formed :icon_lol::xxgrinning--00xx3:...but, even that wore thin when James decided to start sleeping across our heads :cwm25:...dont know why babies do this :Erm:....my first kids from over 30 years ago did the same thing :icon_lol:

[highlander01]

With our first child he slept in the bed for months - we made sure that we didn't make the same mistake with the second. The problem is that once the child gets used to sleeping in the same bed then it is a nightmare getting them out of the habit - they'll be there till they are 2 or even older.

[stevewool]

Thanks for the anonymous negative rep....whoever. lol

I'm not tired and irritable now, but I agree with my excellent advice. :biggrin:

.
a negative rep, now i wonder who that could be :yikes:

[marksroomspain]

Thanks for the anonymous negative rep....whoever. lol

I'm not tired and irritable now, but I agree with my excellent advice. :biggrin:

.

Well I will be the first to rule myself out graham, I for one would never give a negative rep and especially not one without leaving a reason and my name...:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

Could be any one of the hundreds of members here. ...perhaps thousands :Erm:

They used to be dished out quite regularly years ago :icon_lol:

[joebloggs]

might be better to get a small bed for him and put it on the side of your double bed where your wife sleeps and make sure its the same height as your double bed. he will soon get use to it being his bed and being next to his mom :biggrin: don't sleep apart from your wife :NoNo:

[Rosie1958]

Mark, I am so sorry to hear that this problem is still an issue and that it is making you feel so unhappy. You clearly love and adore your wife. Let me say that you are not being pathetic, you have very valid concerns and clearly need a bit of support …… shame on you Graham, bend over! :spank: :biggrin: (hehehe, I enjoyed that! :icon_lol: )

I am British; not a Filipina, but I am a mother. I would have killed for my baby son and had (still have) a very strong bond with him but recognise that it is not healthy to smother a child, who I believe should be encouraged to sleep in their own space for their own comfort and development. I think you mentioned previously that you, your wife and baby all go to bed together at 6pm ………. I have to admit to finding that very strange and wonder if there is something else affecting her (postnatal depression, homesick?). Your wife is living in the UK and we do things differently here. However, her culture will influence what she does and so will the way she feels.

Your wife has mentioned a compromise so she is listening to you which is a good sign. Rani’s suggestion of letting the baby sleep in the crib/ cot next to your wife so that you can resume your place in your bed is a good one and appears to be the next logical step.:xxgrinning--00xx3:

It is very important that you both work together to find a solution that suits you both so I would recommend that you openly discuss the situation further. It will not help the long term situation if you try to ignore your own feelings as that could build resentment and affect your relationship further. In my opinion, two-way communication is absolutely key to a successful relationship :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[rani]

Thanks for the rep, Rosie :Wave:

[RickyR]

Difficult situation. Having children is life changing and when they are small it does impact on the relationship between you and your wife. Just be proactive with ideas that will be best for your child, wife and yourself.

My children sleep happily in their own beds most of the time now, but we still occasionally wake up with our 3 and 6 year old children in the bed. We made the decision to buy the biggest super king bed to aid my sleeping. It doesn't seem to bother my wife, but I need my space once I'm actually asleep.

Things will work out. Just be supportive and proactive.

[andy222]

Its enough to put me off having kids with my new wife after reading this. Me and the ex had 2 kids and never experienced this. Nothing wrong with having a cot by the side of the bed. Just my opinion.

[marksroomspain]

Its enough to put me off having kids with my new wife after reading this. Me and the ex had 2 kids and never experienced this. Nothing wrong with having a cot by the side of the bed. Just my opinion.

:laugher:Believe me Andy the courtship, marriage and visa is the easy part, had the cot since he was born was ok in it up to when he was 4 and a half months old then my wife took him to the Phils for 5 weeks he then got that used to sleeping with other people and here we are now just gone 9 months old...:cwm25:

But like the advice on here will let her ride it out and just enjoy my own room for a while god you do have to be patient especially when its a filipino thing with kids in bed lol...

[fred]

Tried to Give you a positive Rep Graham.. Unfortunately the system wont allow just yet..
Owe you one!

[andy222]

Lesson learnt if it ever does happen my wife is NOT going to the phils for a vacation. :icon_lol:. I know because my stepdaughter is 6 she will have her own bedroom and thats where she is sleeping. When in Rome etc. :wink:

[Iani]

This is normal? Blimey :icon_lol:

I'm of the opinion that a babies place is in his/her own cot, NOT in bed with the adults. Obviously in the same room of course.

Suddenly I've another reason to be worried since wifey is getting more and more broody

[grahamw48]

When the time comes you'll just do the best for all THREE of you. :wink:

[RickyR]

The topic of a baby sleeping bed with the parents is always one to debate. Personally as long as precautions are taken, I don't see anything wrong with the closeness and bonding of having a baby in bed. If you do a little searching, a lot of the parenting websites have excellent advice and well informed debates about the benefits and disadvantages (dangers).

I do get annoyed in some aspects when my son comes and climbs into bed next to me, as I like my space. But other than that, I do appreciate the time bonding with my young children before they grow up so quickly. They now are both big enough that they mostly prefer their own bed.

[joebloggs]

little joe had a cot which was beside the misses side of the bed, but it also converted to a bed which he used for years, he has his own room now, sometimes he wakes up at 3am and the misses goes and stays with him :wink: