''Why do so many men report bad Filipina dating/marrying experiences?''

[gWaPito]

''The purpose of this Hub is to facilitate mature and intelligent debate on the marriage scam phenomenon, manifested through the lodgement of spouse visa applications by women from a poor third world country to wealthy countries such as the United States, Canada, Australia and the United Kingdom, only for reasons of emigration and financial betterment and these motivations do not accord with the policies of such visa.


This type of ‘marriage’ is contrived to achieve specific social and personal goals. This problem can now be categorised as a global phenomenon by reference to the plethora of internet resources, copious volumes of personal stories from the victims of marriage/visa scams and the defensive migration laws and policies of many Western countries. This does not even include posts in languages other than English, not to mention victims who have not posted online.


In this context, the Philippines is a country which has gained an international reputation for leading the forefront on the proliferation of marriage/visa scams aimed at wealthy Western countries. Although the Philippines is not the only country which is an active participant in this phenomenon, it is a major contributor to the extent that it characterises and epitomises the Philippines from the perspective of the West. This article does not seek to explicitly or implicitly portray ‘all’ Filipinas as participants in this phenomenon; rather it examines the cultural traits which are common amongst a large number of Filipinas. This article does not seek to create or perpetuate negative stereotypes of Filipinas.


It must be stated that stereotypes may be limiting to people, but it must also be conceded that stereotypes are only created and perpetuated through the proliferation of common experiences, which then act as cultural signifiers. But ultimately, this article does not exist as a cultural attack on the Philippines and its people; rather, its purpose is to facilitate debate of a cultural and global phenomenon that is now too large to ignore and is causing defragmentation of the Philippines internally and the devastating flow-on effect to many Western countries.


The proliferation of internet cafes in the Philippines where young Filipinas flock to in droves to seek out communications with foreign men capable of sponsoring them for emigration and financially supporting them and their extended family members, is a clear manifestation of this phenomenon. Indeed, this hobby has transformed into a social custom in recent years, existing as a national past-time amongst young Filipinas, leading to foreign men being invited into financial remittances, or vacations in the Philippines culminating in physical relationships, with the ultimate goal for many being a fiancée visa out of the Philippines.

According to data obtained from the Commission on Filipinos Overseas by INQUIRER.net, 24,904 Filipinos married foreigners in 2006, up 18% from 2005’s 21,100, which was already an increase of 11.4% from 2004’s 18,944. This totals 64,948 in the 3 consecutive years. According to Minda Valencia, Director of Migrant Integration and Education Office, Filipinas account for 89.2% of these unions. The same set of data shows that Americans comprise the biggest foreign spouses of Filipinos at 126,638 or 40.24 % of the 309,745 foreigners who married Filipinos from 1989 to 2006. This was followed by Japanese at 94,792 or 30.60%. Australians were a far 3rd at 25,073 or 8.09%. The rest of the nationality groupings are: Canadians at 12,401 or 4%; Germans at 11,307 or 3.65%; Taiwanese at 6,950 or 2.24%; British at 5,780 or 1.87%; South Koreans at 4,582 or 1.48%;and New Zealanders at 2,233 or 0.7%.

These statistics clearly challenge any refutals which attempt to undermine the prevalence of this phenomenon or deny the cultural and socio-economic reasons which drive Filipinas to procure relationships and marriage with foreign men.


In this context, there is a lack of international understanding of the dichotomy between what is known as ‘poverty stricken’ and ‘attaining a higher standard of living’. The very definition of being ‘poverty stricken’ would mean that someone is without food or shelter and lacks the basic necessities for physical survival. Cultural trends which are widely accepted and practiced in the Philippines point to the desire to attain a higher standard of living and procuring wealth as being the underlying motivation of most Filipinas who procure relationships with foreign men in order to emigrate, rather than pure poverty.

The Filipina intends to show loyalty to her parents and siblings by relying on someone else’s money so that they do not have to work and can attain the ‘good life’ through a form of financial and social dependency. These inner motivations are manifested through the perpetration of marriage and visa scams targeted at foreign men. Some Filipinas have even admitted on public forums that in ‘sacrificing’ themselves in marriage or prostitution to foreign men, they are hailed as ‘heroes’ by family and country.

This very same notion of personal and social sacrifice also leads many Filipinas to seek employment as ‘domestic servants’ in wealthy countries such as the United Arab Emirates, Hong Kong and Singapore. Rather than being motivated by a genuine desire to work as ‘domestic servants’, these Filipinas are often guided by an overwhelming desire to meet wealthy men and gain access to their homes to procure a personal and sexual advantage as well as having the ability to remit money home to the Philippines to financially support their relatives. In this way, this situation serves a dual purpose for many Filipinas.


Marriage and visa scamming has now become synonymous with the Philippines to the extent that it has become a cultural signifier. Filipinas tend to shun their own Filipino men as suitable marriage material, as their own men are generally financially ill-equipped to facilitate the social transitions that the Filipinas desire for herself and her extended family members. This is indicative of a subconscious form of racism and social and biological rejection of their own kind.


The Filipina ‘scams’ foreign men into marriage by projecting a hyperbolic, stylised and false image of herself in order to appeal to these men. This image is usually presented as one which is unconditionally loving and accepting, non-materialistic, simplistic, passive and most significantly, very sexually eager. From the perspective of the foreign men, these qualities may seem lacking in genuine Western women whom are unlikely to have any ulterior motives for entering into relationships with their own men and whom do not exhibit those characteristics. Thus these men find the (false) appeal of Filipinas very alluring as they present themselves as an ideal ‘alternative’. Most of these men at first are unaware of this false persona, which is why relationships of this kind appear at first to be harmonious, at least at the stage when the Filipina is yet to attain her goal(s).

Posts by Filipinas and purveyors of Filipina dating or mail-order bride websites often attack women of other races, particularly American women, as seen in this excerpt:
“Many Westerners, especially American men who get married to a Filipino girl swear that Filipina women make among the best wives in the world. On the other hand, the American women continue to be aggressive, demanding and are not comfortable to be in their natural role as a woman. So what has made the Filipina women popular among the Western men recently? In this site, we will explore the qualities that make the Filipina women so desirable.”

Source: paulaaquino23.hubpages.com/hub/datingmarryingfilipinagirl


Sources such as these are indicative of the common misconceptions perpetuated by Filipina about Western women in order to appeal to foreign men and are intended to disguise the underlying financial motivations of the Filipina and her culture. In a sense, the Filipina presents a hyperbolic image of herself and projects her true self onto the Western woman.

The cultural reasons which drive Filipinas to seek out foreign men for marriage have given rise to a concept known as ‘cultural prostitution’. In his article entitled ‘Mail-Order Brides: Gilded Prostitution and the Legal Response’ published in the Journal of Law Reform in 1994, Eddy Meng refers to Filipino women whom enter the mail-order industry in the hope of marrying abroad, and then sponsoring their family for immigration. The Philippine government’s legislation of the Mail-Order Bride Law (Republic Act No. 6955) on June 13, 1990 continues to be ignored by its people.


Indeed, ‘prostitution’ is the act of selling oneself (usually undesirably) to procure a benefit. Using this definition, the underlying motivations of gaining a visa and financial betterment by many Filipinas in entering into marriages with foreign men is to be regarded as a form of ‘cultural prostitution’. They would not have entered into such ‘marriages’ had those underlying motivations been absent. In this way, the Filipina is selling herself as a prostitute, albeit a cultural rather than an actual one. This is a concept that the Filipino people are unwilling to accept and they perpetuate such ingrained cultural traits as socially acceptable.


The marriage scam will inevitably lead to the spouse visa application scam. In this way, the micro issues of the Philippines and its people have found their way into the international context and becoming a macro international social and legal problem.
Studies and statistics have indicated that there is a high volume of spouse visa applications from the Philippines to many wealthy Western countries as opposed to visas for general skilled migration. Large numbers of Filipinas deliberately seek out foreign men to enter into relationships with, as a means of instigating social and economic mobility.


When assessed from this perspective, such spouse visa applications do not accord with the true legislative and policy intentions which underpin them. In situations where one party is genuine and the other is not, it would be correct to label the whole of that visa application to be lacking in authenticity and as amounting to migration fraud.

The underlying motivations of the Filipino people in emigrating is having such a global impact that many wealthy Western countries resort to defensive strategies to stem this global flux. At least in Australia, the government has acknowledged this trend and have implemented guidelines for assessments of visa applicants based upon inter alia, country of nationality, background, age and gender; these guidelines being to safeguard the integrity of the visa application process. The Australian government classifies young Filipinas as a ‘high risk’ category, so much so that such visa applicants are heavily scrutinised and are imposed a ‘no further stay’ condition when granted a temporary visa to Australia. These laws and policies are not ‘racist’ in that they do not aim specifically at Filipino people; rather, these measures arise out of the Australian government’s recognition of the cultural and economic motivations of the general Filipino people, which are backed up by research and statistical data.


When looked at from the macro perspective, it is clear that the internal problems of the Philippines and its people have made a global impact, to the extent that the Philippines and its people have become heavily dependent upon Western countries for sustenance, indicating an attempted replacement of sound internal economic policies. In 2009, about US$17.348 billion in remittances was sent to the Philippines by overseas Filipinos, higher than in previous years, according to GMA News. Indeed, this parasitical dependency has drained the financial and legal resources of many wealthy developed countries such as the United States, Canada and Australia. This problem is not one which is only caused by the Philippines, but it is necessary to concede that the Philippines is a major contributor to this phenomenon.


Countries such as the United States and Australia find themselves devoting huge financial resources to assess spouse visa applications which are not genuine, having to face the economic reality that the majority of newly acquired citizens do not retain their money internally but opt to remit money back home in order to sustain the Philippines; as a well as a host of other legal problems which emerge after the Filipina has settled in her host country. These include the fabrication of ‘domestic violence’ by the Filipina against her sponsor in order to obtain permanent residence to have her sponsor removed from his home (at least in the United Kingdom) and the tendency to fabricate false charges of child sexual abuse and/or domestic violence against her sponsor in order to obtain an advantage in property settlement matters following the dissolution of marriage.

( Pls note, only in the UK can a sponsor be removed from his home. My estranged wife let me keep my home because there was no money in it, otherwise she would of taken it. It may of been temporary but, the trauma of being removed from my home on the basis of lies would of been devastating.)

The personal impact upon many men around the world is evident through the plethora of internet resources which feature personal stories of men whom have recounted horrific experiences in marrying and sponsoring Filipinas.

Many of these men have lost all of their life’s savings, freedom, extended family and in some cases, their lives.

These personal stories cannot be regarded as isolated incidents because of the frequency of their occurrence and the common thread which runs through them: that Filipinas are primarily motivated to marry for emigration and financial reasons. Thus, what had appeared initially as a too-good-to-be-true compatibility eventually turned out to be a marital disaster.''

http://ulyssesulysses.hubpages.com/hub/Why_do_so_many_men_report_bad_Filipina_dating_marrying_experiences

I just want to state here and now, Im on no hate campaign. I have experienced some of the stuff ive bolded out. It has not put me off marrying another filipina. Im an active member of filipinocupid

The difference this time Im being ultra careful. Unlike being ultra stupid in the past.

I do hope at least someone will find this info interesting and worth bearing in mind. Yes, we have many sucessful partnerships on here but, over the years I have been a member here, many many more have come and gone, for whatever reason.

[stevewool]

A very interesting read, but its down to each other to find what you think is right for yourself, is she a gold digger, was she a man, is she on the game, but hold on there, you reap what you sow, they say,

SO just be careful when that person flutters there eyes at you and you become 16 again,

But remember this works both ways too, yes i shall love you for ever, just to get in their pants, yes come over and be prepared to look after me be my slave and dont expect to have a life other then me, you must have your eyes open these days and thats for both of you.

A marriage of convenience some say, maybe for both of you but remember you only get what you put in yourself and it must last more then your holiday fling too

Any marriage can fail, look at nearly all of us on here and was all our partners from the Philippines too

[gWaPito]

''These statistics clearly challenge any refutals which attempt to undermine the prevalence of this phenomenon or deny the cultural and socio-economic reasons which drive Filipinas to procure relationships and marriage with foreign men.''

These are not my opinions but, that of those who are darn sight more knowledgeable than me.
All I'm doing is covering bases..Like I said, I'm probably being too careful now. Up to the age of 45 years of age I was a financially successful man. I had respect

If it can happen to me it can happen to anyone

''Many of these men have lost all of their life’s savings, freedom, extended family and in some cases, their lives. ''

[gWaPito]

''These statistics clearly challenge any refutals which attempt to undermine the prevalence of this phenomenon or deny the cultural and socio-economic reasons which drive Filipinas to procure relationships and marriage with foreign men.''

These are not my opinions but, that of those who are darn sight more knowledgeable than me.
All I'm doing is covering bases..Like I said, I'm probably being too careful now. Up to the age of 45 years of age i was an financially successful man. I had respect

If it can happen to me it can happen to anyone

''Many of these men have lost all of their life’s savings, freedom, extended family and in some cases, their lives. ''

BTW
I have a solicitor appointment today..start of divorce proceedings...The living nightmare continues

This is the harsh reality. I know I'm not alone here. The stats prove it.

[grahamw48]

While there are 'rich' lonely guys who have one hand on their wallet and the other on their dick, and poor, but beautiful young ladies looking to 'better' themselves...an admirable human trait, the situation will persist.

Perfectly harmless, if all concerned use their common sense and don't tell lies. :NoNo:

[bigmac]

very interesting thread--and a lot of it hits home.

i have pre-empted the "if it goes belly-up" scenario---i have now sold my house--for various reasons--but mainly to free up the dosh for sponsorship. but i have no intention of buying another--for a few years. i will rent--then if it does go wrong--shes welcome to it.

on a purely physical level--youve seen her photos---there is no way i could attract a Brit woman of that age and appearance. most UK women in my age range are some other guys reject--and i can see why.

[gWaPito]

While there are 'rich' lonely guys who have one hand on their wallet and the other on their dick, and poor, but beautiful young ladies looking to 'better' themselves...an admirable human trait, the situation will persist.

Perfectly harmless, if all concerned use their common sense and don't tell lies. :NoNo:

I agree. .nothing wrong with rich lonely guys. We don't choose to be lonely ..much like filipinas wanting to better themselves, even if it does mean overlooking their own menfolk

[gWaPito]

very interesting thread--and a lot of it hits home.

i have pre-empted the "if it goes belly-up" scenario---i have now sold my house--for various reasons--but mainly to free up the dosh for sponsorship. but i have no intention of buying another--for a few years. i will rent--then if it does go wrong--shes welcome to it.


Good thinking Bigmac. Most of us are at an age where the dreaming should be left to the kids.
We have a responsibility to ourselves to be pragmatic. .especially when presented with life changing situations

[bigmac]

another thought--all these love-starved filipino men: i bet there are many rich widows in the UK who would be only too glad to meet them

[RickyR]

I think cultural differences, unrealistic expectations and the unwillingness to compromise are probably the main reasons for failure.
6+ years later and we still have cultural misunderstandings but they get less and less as time goes by.

[Michael Parnham]

another thought--all these love-starved filipino men: i bet there are many rich widows in the UK who would be only too glad to meet them

Something to think about!:Erm:

[andy222]

Maybe the guys should do a bit more homework before they jump in.

[gWaPito]

Maybe the guys should do a bit more homework before they jump in.

I agree but, you can't put all the failures down to lack of homework.

''These include the fabrication of ‘domestic violence’ by the Filipina against her sponsor in order to obtain permanent residence to have her sponsor removed from his home (at least in the United Kingdom)''

I thought this was a rare when this happened to me. In fact it's not. My solicitor said today...'' Mark, we are getting people just like you coming to us every week''

I only come across this news item yesterday morning when somebody else mentioned that it had happened to them. This can happen to the best of us.

[gWaPito]

I think cultural differences, unrealistic expectations and the unwillingness to compromise are probably the main reasons for failure.
6+ years later and we still have cultural misunderstandings but they get less and less as time goes by.

Yes, that is apparent on both sides. I live close to a Brit/Fil who's been married nigh on 20 years. Still, they argue about money. He works a 37 hour week and spends his spare time deliverying leaflets to suppliment their income
She works fulltime, again holding down 2 jobs..apart from saving money for clothing hers gets sent to the Phils.

This remains a bugbear for them. He's working all the hours to pay off their mortgage while she remits her's back ''home''

This is one cultural difference that is hard to swallow. He said it doesn't get any easier.

She's a lovely woman..definitely no scam artist unlike what I've experienced. I would gladly shoulder his cross. So let's not confuse the two. Scammers and cultural differences are at opposing poles.

[gWaPito]

another thought--all these love-starved filipino men: i bet there are many rich widows in the UK who would be only too glad to meet them

There's also many a rich loved-starved Filipina, be it a bit long in the tooth. Just like the young filipina seeking out Brits. It works both ways :xxgrinning--00xx3: You just gotta look that much harder

[Iani]

another thought--all these love-starved filipino men: i bet there are many rich widows in the UK who would be only too glad to meet them

:icon_lol: Maybe

HOWEVER, this is another angle to a couple of other stories - one being the fake marriages scam where a man (It's always a man) from one of three possibly four certain countries (And it's nearly always those countries, mostly just one of them) pays an eastern european woman to marry him and thus secure legal residence in the UK.

It seems to be an elephant in the room thing where those in authority can't/won't take a step back and realise that there isn't just a question of the marriage being a scam, it's also extremely unusual for men from that background and culture to actually marry outside that culture and background.
Plus, most women don't find men from that region physically attractive.

This is nothing whatsoever to do with racism.......before some fat tattoo'd crop hair, roll-up smoking boiler suit wearing woman screams it, and everything to do with simple human attraction.

We're talking about mixed race relationships, well due to simple attraction, these tend to follow trends.

Fact is really - most people are attracted to their own race - it's a fact and there are simple reasons for that.

Mixed race though - trends - example, black and white - nearly always the male is the black and the woman the white. There's nothing sinister about this, women are often attracted to large (no.....I'm not talking about large in that department) men, and a lot of women are attracted to black men. Not over sure why, I'm not a woman.
Not as many white men are attracted to black women, various reasons. Plenty of men are, but they are the minority - it's a trend, nothing more.

Many on here have Pinay wives. Ever met their friends? Surely have or have been to local Filipino community events. Ever notice the ones in mixed race relationships - ever seen any where the partners are white women? It's very rare (Must happen but I haven't seen any, wheras I've seen literally hundreds of white men married to Filipinas).
White men can be attracted to east Asians, but white women generally aren't. One reason is most women don't like their men to be smaller than they are.
As a footnote, I know a trend bucker - a tall amazon of a woman married to a Vietnamese man.

Sooooooooo the point is, it's unlikely all these rich widows would be attracted to Filipinos. No they seem perfectly happy being 55 year olds going on holiday to Turkey and Tunisia, picking up a 20 year old waiter and being the only one of their friends, family........and the whole town to be surprised.........when as soon as he gets his "red book", he leaves her and goes to work in a local restaurant.

[Terpe]

Whereas I can understand where the author is coming from, when you look deeper it seems he may well be a bitter and twisted misanthropist who dislikes Filipina women in particular.
Probably deep down he's searching for someone (anyone) to actually like him.

What are those statistics supporting his viewpoint that can't be refuted? The article only states percentages for marriages. Nothing more.
Surely the better statistics would be related to those failed marriages and divorces........but curiously there are none presented....I wonder why?

Could it be that the only statistical data relating to divorce rates show that marriages to 'foreign women' are actually much lower than those with 'local' women from the same country as the husband?

We're all aware of the pitfalls.

I'm tempted to say that blokes like the author of the article would likely get taken to the cleaners less by filipinas than if they married local women.

Maybe such blokes need to step back and think things through a little more before jumping in, making mistakes and jumping to the conclusions they do.

Just another viewpoint.

[stevewool]

wow i wish i had read this before i stepped into what may turn out to be the biggest mistake in my whole life,
Hang about thats already happened twice , what a fool i have been and here is me doing it again,
I dont class me as different to many on here but what i am reading so far is wrong,
Is it down to luck who we end up with , maybe but its something that we all have to work at all the time,
Many of us are divorced and for what ever reason that caused it at the time you find out later it was the both of you that caused it,
I am 55 and for the last 5 years my life has been wonderful, i have the most wonderful women anyone could find , but before our planning we talked about what we both would like and so far its working,
We both work hard for our future and when we can we both decide what amounts can be sent abroad, we do have words about families but who dont, and its all sorted out no matter who is right or wrong,
Again my friends open your eyes before you bring someone here and remember they are trusting you just as much as you are trusting them, can it last forever who knows but its down to yourself to find out,

[stevewool]

Good thinking Bigmac. Most of us are at an age where the dreaming should be left to the kids.
We have a responsibility to ourselves to be pragmatic. .especially when presented with life changing situations

i am still dreaming but most of the dreams are happening, still a long way to go for some to appear, yes if it all got blown up it would be sad but as adults you try to be fair and sort it all out yourselves, which some people cannot do

[stevewool]

Maybe the guys should do a bit more homework before they jump in.

yes Andy lots of homework

[stevewool]

I agree but, you can't put all the failures down to lack of homework.

''These include the fabrication of ‘domestic violence’ by the Filipina against her sponsor in order to obtain permanent residence to have her sponsor removed from his home (at least in the United Kingdom)''

I thought this was a rare when this happened to me. In fact it's not. My solicitor said today...'' Mark, we are getting people just like you coming to us every week''

I only come across this news item yesterday morning when somebody else mentioned that it had happened to them. This can happen to the best of us.

the women could be from any where in the world to take everything you have

[stevewool]

Sorry to be sounding harsh on this thread,
After 2 british white women divorces i know where i went wrong, i hope my ex wives do too, you learn from your mistakes if there was any and deep down there was lots from both of you and then you move on hopping never to repeat what you thought you did wrong,
In my case its working and i am saying sorry and i understand quicker then i have ever done,

[Jamesey]

Interesting read.

There are obviously lots of men and women out there, all with different motivations.

But relationships with Filipinas don't always involve Visas. My wife had already been in the UK for 5 years, and had indefinite leave to remain, when I met her. That made things very easy! Also, she's about the same age as me and comes from a reasonably well-off family, so she doesn't need to send money back. Overall we're a great match!

So I suppose that someone embarking on any serious relationship needs to do plenty of research!

[grahamw48]

That's great, but some of us desperate old blokes DO have to look further afield. :icon_lol:

[gWaPito]

Interesting read.

There are obviously lots of men and women out there, all with different motivations.

But relationships with Filipinas don't always involve Visas. My wife had already been in the UK for 5 years, and had indefinite leave to remain, when I met her. That made things very easy! Also, she's about the same age as me and comes from a reasonably well-off family, so she doesn't need to send money back. Overall we're a great match!

So I suppose that someone embarking on any serious relationship needs to do plenty of research!
I'm taking the same course as you. .carbon copy. .Ded gave the idea a while back It's not impossible. Like you said. .research, I'd suggest research research and loads more of it

At least you know you won't be scammed. If the marriage fails then it down to both parties. .as Steve suggested

[Steve.r]

I find the thread a bit hypocritical to be honest.

[gWaPito]

I find the thread a bit hypocritical to be honest.

Why is that?? :Erm:
It's giving some balance..It's not all moonlight and roses..to be honest :wink:

I admit, it's possibly a tad unpalatable for some who don't really want to read this, especially on a site advocating Phil/Brit relationships...But I do think it's wise to make people aware of the possible pitfalls.

This is just a single thread out of many thousands on here..It's not misery being spread all over the forum.

[gWaPito]

Whereas I can understand where the author is coming from, when you look deeper it seems he may well be a bitter and twisted misanthropist who dislikes Filipina women in particular.
Probably deep down he's searching for someone (anyone) to actually like him.

What are those statistics supporting his viewpoint that can't be refuted? The article only states percentages for marriages. Nothing more.
Surely the better statistics would be related to those failed marriages and divorces........but curiously there are none presented....I wonder why?

Could it be that the only statistical data relating to divorce rates show that marriages to 'foreign women' are actually much lower than those with 'local' women from the same country as the husband?

We're all aware of the pitfalls.

I'm tempted to say that blokes like the author of the article would likely get taken to the cleaners less by filipinas than if they married local women.

Maybe such blokes need to step back and think things through a little more before jumping in, making mistakes and jumping to the conclusions they do.


Just another viewpoint.

I married a 'local woman', we were together for 27 years. It didnt stop it happening to me not only once but twice.

I do agree on your last sentence :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[cheekee]

I have been reading this thread with great interest.

I met so many scammers online on dating sites before I met Sheina.

They were so obvious. They would all do exactly the same thing. It would start great and then you would get the sob story why they needed money.

I used to think to myself that they must have tried it many times to become so apathetic in their approach.

It did make me very cautious but its always a wake up call to know that some people get caught a long time down the road. I am truly sorry to those who this happens to.

[gWaPito]

I have been reading this thread with great interest.

I met so many scammers online on dating sites before I met Sheina.

They were so obvious. They would all do exactly the same thing. It would start great and then you would get the sob story why they needed money.

I used to think to myself that they must have tried it many times to become so apathetic in their approach.

It did make me very cautious but its always a wake up call to know that some people get caught a long time down the road. I am truly sorry to those who this happens to.
Cheers Cheekee for your honesty.
I've sent you a rep :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[bigmac]

part of my story:
my 2nd wife (24 years together ) died in late 2007. i was in a very bad way. too soon i met--and a year later--married wife #3. this was --unfortunately--a bad mistake and we separated after a year --although she still lived in my house for the next 2 years.

in that time-- i joined internet dating sites--met dozens of--local--women. some are still friends.

i certainly wasnt deliberately looking to date an asian lady--but--fate stepped in--and i met my partner in oct 2011---through plenty of fish. what a total difference to anyone else ive met.

at that time---i hadnt a clue about all the UKBA rules and regs--she was here on a student visa that expired in aug 2012--and back she went.

i also had no idea about the divorce rules in the filis--so that has presented added aggro. in another thread--someone suggested i should have found someone who wasnt already married---fair comment--but hindsight is a precise science.

only time will tell now--shes been here for 6 months on a visit visa--went back a month ago.

she has started annulment proceedings--hopefully if things go our way--she could be back with me later this year---3 years from when it all started.

when i first joined this forum--and wrote a few posts--someone here said our plans were a marriage of convenience--she wants to settle here--and marrying a Brit was really the only option---so i was the lucky contestant.

but--so what--arent all marriages "of convenience" in one way or another?

our relationship has grown in spite of a 1 year separation--and now another month and counting.

although i miss her like mad--and hate living alone--our relationship is withstanding the test of time-----just a damn pity i hadnt met her when she first came to the UK--still under the old rules.

but--thats life.

[rani]

Its kinda funny reading this thread... Different views and opinion, depending on one's experiences. What can i say? Just be very cautious guys!!! Well, not only the Brits guys but Pinays as well. Not all Pinays ended up in good hands, some were treated like a caregiver or a servant :(. But, that's the choices we've made. There's no one to blame but our own self.

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”
― William Shakespeare

[gWaPito]

Its kinda funny reading this thread... Different views and opinion, depending on one's experiences. What can i say? Just be very cautious guys!!! Well, not only the Brits guys but Pinays as well. Not all Pinays ended up in good hands, some were treated like a caregiver or a servant :(. But, that's the choices we've made. There's no one to blame but our own self.

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”
― William Shakespeare
That's exactly it Rani. ..different experiences different opinions. ..would be interesting to know those points of views 10 years from now. Remember marriage is a state of flux.

[gWaPito]

Whereas I can understand where the author is coming from, when you look deeper it seems he may well be a bitter and twisted misanthropist who dislikes Filipina women in particular.
Probably deep down he's searching for someone (anyone) to actually like him.

What are those statistics supporting his viewpoint that can't be refuted? The article only states percentages for marriages. Nothing more.


It's unlike you Peter to come the acid.

The assumption is, with the upward trend of filipino marrying foreigners there's going to be a higher frequency of folks bein rolled over.

[sars_notd_virus]

''Why do so many men report bad Filipina dating/marrying experiences?''

Maybe because the women can't be bothered to broadcast it on such media or maybe because they are so embarrassed that they thought marrying an ugly old bloke would be a good idea and that havin' a little cash would compensate for their liberty and family which they were willing to sacrifice to have a presumed better life ?

[gWaPito]

''Why do so many men report bad Filipina dating/marrying experiences?''

Maybe because the women can't be bothered to broadcast it on such media or maybe because they are so embarrassed that they thought marrying an ugly old bloke would be a good idea and that havin' a little cash would compensate for their liberty and family which they were willing to sacrifice to have a presumed better life ?
That's an interesting point of view Mari. I must say that made me laugh. ..surely you can't be serious? I wonder if that's the general consensus amongst the rest of the Filipinas reading this ?

[grahamw48]

At the moment I am a very happy and grateful 'ugly old bloke'. :biggrin:

[bigmac]

i'm not really ugly--its my disguise

[stevewool]

i hope people understand what could happen , but also dont tar everyone with that same brush too, and always remember that there is always two sides to every story, just a thought

[gWaPito]

At the moment I am a very happy and grateful 'ugly old bloke'. :biggrin:

Must be our sense of humour, boys. Rayna's findings must be true. .90% of Filipinas actually do prefer it over good looks :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

i'm not really ugly--its my disguise

:laugher: That made me laugh!
That's one of many bonuses when you advance in age. ..you don't take yourself too seriously

[marksroomspain]

Love reading this thread :biggrin:

Can we have some thoughts from our pinoy members here would love to hear your side :smile:

[marksroomspain]

By the way gwaps ur looking in fine form...:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Arthur Little]

:laugher: That made me laugh!

That's one of many bonuses when you advance in age. ..you don't take yourself too seriously

:olddude: ... that's true - when you're a "good~looking"perfectionist :biggrin: like me!

........................................................ :yeahthat: remark shows I've at least got a sense of humour ... and don't take myself too seriously. :wink:

Are you still laughing? :icon_lol:

[gWaPito]

The thing is Arthur, we don't. Thanks Mark :-)

[bigmac]

i'm only ugly on the outside

[gWaPito]

i'm only ugly on the outside

Hey. ..at least you're not afraid to post your pics Bigmac :xxgrinning--00xx3: We are few and far between

[Jentobeharrison]

Find this thread interesting and it is time to share my point of view as a filipina.

As expected, this article left me speechless not because of what its all about but how the author wrote this very negative and rude article about filipinas. This is an example of article that we would have to ask ourselves if this is real, why? Because the author did not even mention even ONE advantage of marrying a filipina, well because its obvious that he wants to bash and say really negative things about us, made me think if this author is really credible... just to be honest. I guess if this is in a news paper, I will just accept the fact that this is an editorial page. So let's start:

I am aware that there are scams out there, well A LOT. But who would know? We don't know them and we don't know their stories. But let me ask you this, How would you know that you are being scammed? Is it because the filipina online was asking for money because her mother is in the hospital? Well, dude, every choice is in your hands, in just some types away, you can tell her NO. That's it.

How would you know if you are being scammed by your wife? If your wife is sending money to her family? And just relying from your savings and income? At the very first place, why would you marry someone who will be forever jobless and will just be your dependent forever? Or maybe, you are already aware that your wife will not be capable of working and she chose to be a housewife to take care of your kids and look after your house? Well I will just assume that you have talked about those before you get married. When it comes to sending money to her family in the province, what's wrong with that? That's her family, and you must be aware how filipino families are close to each other, one must learn more about filipino family cultures then.

You know, that study is pointless, I don't really understand why that has to be written. Relationships, Marriages, Visas, we cannot have those in just one day, we can only have those after very long processes that will take months and years which is very in favour for all of the couples to think about what kind of life they will have when they got married, the limitations, the responsibilities, obligations and every thing. Lots of days were given to us to think and talk about everything, if you fail and moaning about what you are experiencing regarding finances and how your partner manages it, it means you have failed to talk about it.

There are lots of narrow minded people who will just rely and listen to horror stories and unfortunately they would not really give filipinas a chance to know more about them, but I cannot blame anyone, they're just being careful.


This stigma is really unfair to those who are genuinely in a relationship.

My fiance has been hearing lots of horror stories about filipina scamming stuff, and it was really a difficult time for me to prove that my intention is real and as expected it took time before I earned his family's, friends', colleagues' and his trust. I had been stereotyped for how many times and made me really hurt, one said I was a lady boy and was just after his passport. I stood out and told him, that he had already told me that he is not wealthy so what else does he think I am after? I have a good life here and wouldn't trade it for any thing but I have to just to be with him and I don't want to be selfish, as much as I want him to settle here, he cannot because of his kid, But I am now thankful that we already graduated from that scam stuff arguments.

[stevewool]

Well said ,
I too found this to be a sad write up from some person or persons who maybe have been hurt or not, but like i have said before do not tar everyone with the same brush, and if you do why then still look for the person you think will abuse your savings and your life , but then again it takes all sorts to make the world go round

[grahamw48]

Good post Jen. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[bigmac]

@jentobeharrison.

what a well crafted response--a pleasure to read. well worth a rep.

[grahamw48]

+1 from me. :smile:

[gWaPito]

Well said ,
I too found this to be a sad write up from some person or persons who maybe have been hurt or not, but like i have said before do not tar everyone with the same brush, and if you do why then still look for the person you think will abuse your saving and your life , but then again it takes all sorts to make the world go round
No one's tarring anyone with the same brush Steve. The author isn't, neither am I.

All what is being pointed out is what can and does happen. There's no data on this but one would hope, happens very rarely.

The filipino dating sites don't give a favourable indication. There's a lot of chaff the work through to get to a diamond.

If I thought they were all the same I'm sure I wouldn't be stupid enough to go looking for some more of the same action.

Good response Jen :xxgrinning--00xx3: Makes a change from the unintelligible hysterical variety :xxgrinning--00xx3:. I can't say I totally agree. Anyway it's worth a rep :-)

[malditako]

why?...its b'coz they are bitter and they want revenge that's all.

[gWaPito]

When it comes to sending money to her family in the province, what's wrong with that? That's her family, and you must be aware how filipino families are close to each other, one must learn more about filipino family cultures then.
.
We have culture too Jen. There's nothing wrong in sending money back home as so long as it's not detrimental to your immediate family.

A lot of us guys have been married before to British.

Things like money are treated much differently. The average UK wage is apparently 23k per year. Still not much to provide a good standard of living so what normally happens is that the wages of both husband and wife are pooled. ..thus enabling to buy nice cars houses and holidays, generally enabling one's self up the social ladder.

I know from a previous life being with my first wife of 27 years, if she wasn't prepared to get stuck in as well we'd probably still be in the 2 up 2 down council house, taking a one and only annual holiday in a caravan in Bournemouth. We'd probably still be married as well :icon_lol:

Luckily she was a worker for the team, her immediate family. We did very well. It takes 2 to tango. ..in this case it takes 2 to make a comfortable life in the UK if you're on low incomes

This was not my problem wd my filipina wife as my current earnings are over double the UK average, it was something quite different.

I'm just pointing out we have a culture too. Adaption is required from both sides.

Folks rant on here about the Muslims and our new brothers, the Eastern Europeans conforming to our way of life. ..what's the difference.

[cheekee]

I do have to say that when I was on Filipino dating sites I did meet a lot of scammers.

I don't believe its just a Filipino problem though. I'm sure there are scammers across many dating sites globally.

I did almost lose hope and then I met Sheina. I was really careful at first and took on lots of advice here about testing the waters.

I'm glad in a way I did meet those scammers. Because it taught me a lot about how to date online.

It opened my eyes to what could happen and made me very cautious.

Now I am a very happy guy engaged to a wonderful Filipino.

[stevewool]

The culture thing will never be sorted out properly you just have to try and sort it out between yourselves and only then if you are both happy with what you are trying to do it will work,
Its hard no matter where you live to help support another family somewhere else, just my thoughts

[grahamw48]

I agree Steve.
Cultural differences are also the biggest contributing factor to the breakup of FilBrit relationships IMO, and not to be taken lightly.

[bigmac]

my fiancee has spent several years in the UK--is well used to life here--and loves it. she has relatives and friends here. she wants to settle here--and bring her kids over. i'm the means to an end. simples.

[stevewool]

my Ems loves being here too, the weather she likes and cannot wait for the snow to come again,
It is me who wants to retire to the phills sooner then later, as Ems says where you go i go,

[HACHE]

This is interesting reading, especially as I now have had 2.5yrs in a relationship with a Pinay.
Its been a pretty difficult time, often difficult times over trivia things.
Sometimes, I have found myself describing my experiences as similar to "dating an immature teenage girl", no offence meant to the filipinas.
As a reasonably confident and secure chap, with a very stable life, perhaps what I haven't always realised or understood that things are so different for her. Unsure about her future, unsure if I will ever commit. These two things, combined with a very emotional nature, have been at the centre of many things being blown out of all proportion.
But understanding has to be both ways. She says I don't understand her ( her stress, how it affects her etc)...perhaps, but I also remind her that its her misunderstanding me that plays an equal part in the problems. I once stopped texting for an afternoon once, just simply getting on with my life, and she became overcome with sense of abandonment and thought I had forgotten all about her. My mistake? I normally texted a lot with her, then suddenly that afternoon I didn't. She jumped to all silly conclusion and in her mind she was totally justified.
Many many silly times like that, made me cautious and fear that the future would be difficult.
Now, she's been asking for me to make a commitment, decide about future, for eight months ( well from early days infact). I totally understand after this time with her.
I havent yet got rid of all my reservations, although I have grown more confident in recent weeks that I could commit, but not quite there.
I think my problem, is if I wana get married, I want to make that decision, when not under pressure. And unfortunately with her situation here, that pressure is always there.

[stevewool]

the most important thing is being happy with yourself first, after 2.5 years with the same person you will have some idea what you are wanting,

[HACHE]

She had enough of waiting today, and left.
I just couldnt quite do it, I'm not 100%. Not yet.
I know some will say that I should know after this time. But a year ago, there were times I found it very hard to believe we could be happy together. I certainly feel a lot more confident that we could be happy and okay, not quite there yet.....after no contact with her perhaps things will be clearer in my mind.

[gWaPito]

Things won't change. .what it is in 2.5 years is what it will be in 25 years. She's left then fine. ..don't be bullied into submission. You'll be making a rod for your own back. You mark my words.

They are not all immature Jealous or childish although my last one was :cwm25:

The wedding band didn't change a thing, not even the tattoos:doh. The insecurities persist. It was going from one drama to the next ..like living in an a Eastenders set :Rasp:

Consider it you've had a lucky escape :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Trust your gut instinct.

[HACHE]

Things won't change. .what it is in 2.5 years is what it will be in 25 years. She's left then fine. ..don't be bullied into submission. You'll be making a rod for your own back. You mark my words.

They are not all immature Jealous or childish although my last one was :cwm25:

The wedding band didn't change a thing, not even the tattoos:doh. The insecurities persist. It was going from one drama to the next ..like living in an a Eastenders set :Rasp:

Consider it you've had a lucky escape :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Trust your gut instinct.

I've said the very same things to her. I also said that if I married her out of pity, to "help her"", I know she'd be initially so relieved, being able to work and earn the money she needs......BUT in a matter of months that elated feeling would be replaced with feelings of insecurity worrying if I had regrets marrying her...and we'd be back to square one....

[Jentobeharrison]

We have culture too Jen. There's nothing wrong in sending money back home as so long as it's not detrimental to your immediate family.

A lot of us guys have been married before to British.

Things like money are treated much differently. The average UK wage is apparently 23k per year. Still not much to provide a good standard of living so what normally happens is that the wages of both husband and wife are pooled. ..thus enabling to buy nice cars houses and holidays, generally enabling one's self up the social ladder.

I know from a previous life being with my first wife of 27 years, if she wasn't prepared to get stuck in as well we'd probably still be in the 2 up 2 down council house, taking a one and only annual holiday in a caravan in Bournemouth. We'd probably still be married as well :icon_lol:

Luckily she was a worker for the team, her immediate family. We did very well. It takes 2 to tango. ..in this case it takes 2 to make a comfortable life in the UK if you're on low incomes

This was not my problem wd my filipina wife as my current earnings are over double the UK average, it was something quite different.

I'm just pointing out we have a culture too. Adaption is required from both sides.

Folks rant on here about the Muslims and our new brothers, the Eastern Europeans conforming to our way of life. ..what's the difference.


Oh well of course yeah, you have culture as well but it doesn't mean that you can take her away from her family once you get married, remember I am not saying that she doesn't want to move in to UK but if you will look at the bigger picture, you are almost taking away half of her life and she is up to sacrifice it for you (of course she also wants to have a better life and opportunity) it is not you guys who always do sacrificing (unless, you're spoiling your lazy woman so much),
. If you are thinking about the financial, I guess it is already given that you have to do it for her because even if she works 24/7 she can never earn the same amount of income that you are earning, you are 70 times richer than your woman, to make it worse,what if your woman here only earns lower than the minimum wage? and she still has to help her family? It won't be really enough for her, you guys have the wider abilities to do such stuff, and bottom line, if visa doesn't exist there will be no such a study like that. I know you can get what I am pointing out, I am thinking that you are just basing the judgement to your woman because of her financial capability. If you gonna moan about it and use it as attack against filipinas, then the fault is really with you at the very first place. In my case, as much as I want to help my fiance to sort finances, I cannot (but just in small stuff, yeah). And to make it always better, if you are a member of an online dating site, you should have put on your profile that you are not up to give perfumes and lotions to your woman's whole clan. That article is clearly an attack against us, author did not even consider the effect of every thing to us (relationship with a foreigner, visas, adjusting in UK etc.) I would say, those things really affect us, physically, emotionally, psychologically and even financially.

And still about the article, that is a very selfish and self-centered write-up from a person who cannot accept his faults, probably a man who fell in love and got fooled by a filipina.

[Rosie1958]

Hache ................... Gwapito is right, trust your gut instinct. From what you say, you'd be marrying for the wrong reasons which is a receipe for disaster. Sounds like it's time to be brave and move on as continuing your relationship feeling the way you do is unfair to you both............

[rani]

She had enough of waiting today, and left.
I just couldnt quite do it, I'm not 100%. Not yet.
I know some will say that I should know after this time. But a year ago, there were times I found it very hard to believe we could be happy together. I certainly feel a lot more confident that we could be happy and okay, not quite there yet.....after no contact with her perhaps things will be clearer in my mind.

Hi Hache! I think you should ask for a space to think and decide what step are you going to take next.

The relationship doesnt look good but who am i to judge. To be fair with your pinay gf, waiting for 2.5 years is like waiting for forever especially in LDR. Cultural differences is a big factor thats why both of you should try to learn and understand each other.

Try to seriously discuss this to her again and see if it will get better. If not, and you still have some doubts, then both of you has to make a decision.

:smile:

[HACHE]

Hache ................... Gwapito is right, trust your gut instinct. From what you say, you'd be marrying for the wrong reasons which is a receipe for disaster. Sounds like it's time to be brave and move on as continuing your relationship feeling the way you do is unfair to you both............

Thank you Rosie. Yeah I'm not willing to do it for any reason other than believing its the best decision for myself......trouble with me if there's any sign of coercion I always take a step back....

[HACHE]

Hi Hache! I think you should ask for a space to think and decide what step are you going to take next.

The relationship doesnt look good but who am i to judge. To be fair with your pinay gf, waiting for 2.5 years is like waiting for forever especially in LDR. Cultural differences is a big factor thats why both of you should try to learn and understand each other.

Try to seriously discuss this to her again and see if it will get better. If not, and you still have some doubts, then both of you has to make a decision.

:smile:

Thanks for your input Rani.
Yeah about the 2.5 years, she's got 3 or 4 friends who have all met and married guys in a lot shorter time frame. This is something that really dwells in her mind.

[gWaPito]

Oh well of course yeah, you have culture as well but it doesn't mean that you can take her away from her family once you get married, remember I am not saying that she doesn't want to move in to UK but if you will look at the bigger picture, you are almost taking away half of her life and she is up to sacrifice it for you (of course she also wants to have a better life and opportunity) it is not you guys who always do sacrificing (unless, you're spoiling your lazy woman so much),
. If you are thinking about the financial, I guess it is already given that you have to do it for her because even if she works 24/7 she can never earn the same amount of income that you are earning, you are 70 times richer than your woman, to make it worse,what if your woman here only earns lower than the minimum wage? and she still has to help her family? It won't be really enough for her, you guys have the wider abilities to do such stuff, and bottom line, if visa doesn't exist there will be no such a study like that. I know you can get what I am pointing out, I am thinking that you are just basing the judgement to your woman because of her financial capability. If you gonna moan about it and use it as attack against filipinas, then the fault is really with you at the very first place. In my case, as much as I want to help my fiance to sort finances, I cannot (but just in small stuff, yeah). And to make it always better, if you are a member of an online dating site, you should have put on your profile that you are not up to give perfumes and lotions to your woman's whole clan. That article is clearly an attack against us, author did not even consider the effect of every thing to us (relationship with a foreigner, visas, adjusting in UK etc.) I would say, those things really affect us, physically, emotionally, psychologically and even financially.

And still about the article, that is a very selfish and self-centered write-up from a person who cannot accept his faults, probably a man who fell in love and got fooled by a filipina.
It's not about percentages Jen. ..like I said. .pooling the money together. I remember my first wife saving her money for the annual holiday to Cyprus. ..or helping out when the car went unexpectedly wrong.
It's not a competition to see who earns the most, you are playing for the same team, same cause.
The fact is, Jen you look after your husband first before folks in the Philippines. You will sacrifice by coming over here. .don't you think your husband would of made substantial sacrifices too all for you and your future children? Works both ways. You can't give what you ain't got.
So what if the author has an axe to grind. .I'm afraid there is truth in what he says. .The claimed magnitude is, I grant you, debatable. There's not data!

Apologies. .I'm still at work.

BTW. ..'author can't accept his faults' have seen something I haven't? ?

[gWaPito]

I've said the very same things to her. I also said that if I married her out of pity, to "help her"", I know she'd be initially so relieved, being able to work and earn the money she needs......BUT in a matter of months that elated feeling would be replaced with feelings of insecurity worrying if I had regrets marrying her...and we'd be back to square one....

I must watch my words here..im becoming Mr Unpopular :cwm25: but, you know what's to be don't. Heed Rosie's advice. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

I am thinking that you are just basing the judgement to your woman because of her financial capability. If you gonna moan about it and use it as attack against filipinas, then the fault is really with you at the very first place. In my case, as much as I want to help my fiance to sort finances, I cannot (but just in small stuff, yeah). And to make it always better, if you are a member of an online dating site, you should have put on your profile that you are not up to give perfumes and lotions to your woman's whole clan.

And still about the article, that is a very selfish and self-centered write-up from a person who cannot accept his faults, probably a man who fell in love and got fooled by a filipina.

My first wife was a simple, hard working cleaner who could save :xxgrinning--00xx3:. Not much in the way of gainful financial capabilities there me thinks :NoNo:

Why on earth would I want to give perfumes and whatnot to the woman's whole clan :Erm: Or have I missed something? Perhaps it's expected, along with lifetime financial support :doh Strange how the rest of the world finds that concept deeply offensive

Probably the author (Australian litigation Lawyer who spent 6 years sorting out Filipino Visa applications. Scroll down from the story in the link..some interesting reading) did get rolled over after all. You answered your own question, Jen

[gWaPito]

Thanks for the rep Rosie :xxgrinning--00xx3:
I'm very well, thanks :smile:..I hope you're in the same form :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Jentobeharrison]

I probably missed a lot of things in that article but my answers were from my point of view as a filipina who suffered from those negative ideas toward filipinas.

And also you should have been sleeping this time. lol. too late in your time?

[stevewool]

Thanks for your input Rani.
Yeah about the 2.5 years, she's got 3 or 4 friends who have all met and married guys in a lot shorter time frame. This is something that really dwells in her mind.

i was talking to my wife for 3 years before we meet face to face, and then i could not say i love you, until i knew it was right and felt right too, why say something you are unsure of and are only going to fool the girl and also fool yourself,

[nigelmac]

Hi all, I am new on this forum but I have been an expatriate living in French Guyana Chad and France over the last 20 years and working in many other countries, I in fact only ever go back to London my home town for Christmas and such events, so just to add my tuppence to this interesting thread being scammed, screwed, heartbroken etc be it deliberately or not is honestly not a Filipino patented thing it happens as much in England as anywhere else, In my experience in any country if you flash your money around and put yourself on a higher pedestal then you can expect to be the attention of less than honorable intentioned individuals be it from women or everyday people that you may come across.

It's not because you are financially able to retire or move to a tropical paradise such as the Philippines and live the dream that you should leave all common sense fly out the door and again if you have your brain in your pants and use your wallet as muscle it is a guaranteed recipe for disaster no matter what country you live in. :smile:

[gWaPito]

I probably missed a lot of things in that article but my answers were from my point of view as a filipina who suffered from those negative ideas toward filipinas.

And also you should have been sleeping this time. lol. too late in your time?

Your replies kept me awake! Hahaha You got me going, girl haha At least we can laugh about it. I must admit, after reading much further into his questions and answers, his views are quite strong which I don't personally hold with. ...my boys are half filipino! ....He seems to be a hater which im certainly not. Anyway 4 hours sleep. .cheers! Must go to work

[grahamw48]

i was talking to my wife for 3 years before we meet face to face, and then i could not say i love you, until i knew it was right and felt right too, why say something you are unsure of and are only going to fool the girl and also fool yourself,

What a sensible and genuine bloke you are Steve. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[HACHE]

i was talking to my wife for 3 years before we meet face to face, and then i could not say i love you, until i knew it was right and felt right too, why say something you are unsure of and are only going to fool the girl and also fool yourself,

Absolutely.

I said if and when I commit, it simply has got to feel right, and that in my mind I am sure I am making the best decision. If I knew deep down that there was no chance and didnt really see a future with her, then of course I would be guilty of stringing her along and wasting both our times. But more often in recent times I had become a lot more confident that a future could be good.....just not quite there though...

[Michael Parnham]

Very interesting thread, by the way, have any members married a Filipina who never sends money on a monthly basis to her family? :Erm:

[grahamw48]

I did. :smile:

Also, my girlfriend (over 2 years now) has never asked me for money.

[stevewool]

Very interesting thread, by the way, have any members married a Filipina who never sends money on a monthly basis to her family?:Erm:

i have Michael
But i know Ems would send all she can every month if it was down to her

[Michael Parnham]

I did. :smile:

Also, my girlfriend (over 2 years now) has never asked me for money.

The reason for asking Graham is that reading this forum for the past few years and meeting other Filipina's through my ex wife, I notice that some wives who work send a substantial amount of money to the Philippines every month, yet my ex never did and also Maritess doesn't we (my ex and Maritess) just send a box of goodies a couple of times a year, the earnings were paid into our joint account towards our standard of living, eg: savings, holidays, nice home etc! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[grahamw48]

Like Brits Michael, Filipinas are many and varied. :smile:

People always like to stereotype though. It's easy.

[raynaputi]

Very interesting thread, by the way, have any members married a Filipina who never sends money on a monthly basis to her family?:Erm:

I don't send money monthly to my family. Not because I don't want to but at the moment, we can't afford to. My family understands that. But we send them gifts when it's their birthday or other special occasions. My family's a bit lucky though because my mum and all my siblings are working and they all have the means to get by every day. My family has never asked us, particularly Keith, of any money. Of course there are times that my siblings do it jokingly but never in a serious manner. So if ever I send them money, it's always because I want to and not because they asked me to.

[marksroomspain]

My wife sends £100 a month to her parents to cover rent so that's just a small amount.

Her parents have a little shop at the front of the house which they manage to scrape some sort of living out off but the little bit the wife sends helps.

It's very rare that they ask for anything else only once in the 14 months she has been here and that was for less than £200 for medical expenses for her mother.

Now she is working I don't mind as long as she knows family here has to be priority which works well on both sides.

She is happy and so am I, so that's good all round. :smile:

[stevewool]

She is happy and so am I, so that's good all round. :smile:

these are the magic words that will make your life wonderful :smile:

[gWaPito]

My wife sends £100 a month to her parents to cover rent so thats just a small amount.

Her parents have a little shop at the front of the house which they manage to scrape some sort of living out off but the little bit the wife sends helps.

Its very rare that they ask for anything else only once in the 14 months she has been here and that was for less than £200 for medical expenses for her mother.

Now she is working I dont mind as long as she knows family here has to be priority which works well on both sides.

She is happy and so am I so thats good all round.:smile:

Nothing wrong with that Mark. I wish I cld echo the same arrangement..Unfortunately I can't. You've been lucky. To be fair, most folks here are in fresh relationships..only the test of time will tell.

[jlags90]

Very interesting thread, by the way, have any members married a Filipina who never sends money on a monthly basis to her family?:Erm:

I do not regularly send money to the Philippines. It is not because my family is financially well off but because I am on part-time employment and I do not want to ask money from my husband. We never know what lies ahead in the future and I do not want to hear any :blahblah::blahblah::blahblah: how he helped my family and how many barrels of lotions and perfumes he has given them.

[Arthur Little]

... have any members married a Filipina who never sends money on a monthly basis to her family? :Erm:

Yes ... me!

But then ... :anerikke: ... I guess we're fortunate, in that, all 5 of Myrna's siblings are - and always have been - fully self~supporting. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Jentobeharrison]

She had enough of waiting today, and left.
I just couldnt quite do it, I'm not 100%. Not yet.
I know some will say that I should know after this time. But a year ago, there were times I found it very hard to believe we could be happy together. I certainly feel a lot more confident that we could be happy and okay, not quite there yet.....after no contact with her perhaps things will be clearer in my mind.

I can probably say that your woman wanted assurance, and was also under pressure of what she's been seeing or probably people kept on asking or already judging your relationship, since you are in long distance relationship, waiting for the right time is very not ideal but I will say that you made the right decision to know yourself what you really want first and not went to the flow of pressure. I hope you're not feeling bad, you just made it for yourself and I will not judge that as selfishness.

[Jentobeharrison]

Hi all, I am new on this forum but I have been an expatriate living in French Guyana Chad and France over the last 20 years and working in many other countries, I in fact only ever go back to London my home town for Christmas and such events, so just to add my tuppence to this interesting thread being scammed, screwed, heartbroken etc be it deliberately or not is honestly not a Filipino patented thing it happens as much in England as anywhere else, In my experience in any country if you flash your money around and put yourself on a higher pedestal then you can expect to be the attention of less than honorable intentioned individuals be it from women or everyday people that you may come across.

It's not because you are financially able to retire or move to a tropical paradise such as the Philippines and live the dream that you should leave all common sense fly out the door and again if you have your brain in your pants and use your wallet as muscle it is a guaranteed recipe for disaster no matter what country you live in. :smile:

That's the main thing, but some cannot see that and did not consider it as a main issue where they just tagged filipinas with it, well I can also admit that I am aware with those scams and still hope that westerners won't generalise it.

[grahamw48]

I agree Jen. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

..and good post Nigel ! :smile:

[joebloggs]

I agree but, you can't put all the failures down to lack of homework.

''These include the fabrication of ‘domestic violence’ by the Filipina against her sponsor in order to obtain permanent residence to have her sponsor removed from his home (at least in the United Kingdom)''

I thought this was a rare when this happened to me. In fact it's not. My solicitor said today...'' Mark, we are getting people just like you coming to us every week''

I only come across this news item yesterday morning when somebody else mentioned that it had happened to them. This can happen to the best of us.

of course a number of women could try and use DV to get ILR, but then surely its easier for her to stay married for 5yrs and get ILR , unless there really is DV going on :cwm25:

also the HO want evidence of DV

[gWaPito]

Very interesting thread, by the way, have any members married a Filipina who never sends money on a monthly basis to her family? :Erm:

We never sent on a monthly basis Michael. .The wife was being touched every now and then out of the blue.

I remember one occasion the mother in law said she needed rotting teeth removing etc. Of course, we wasn't going to let that situation continue so funds was sent for extraction and denture replacement.

That was in a November.

Then Christmas came. .as always, I sent money under my own steam without prompt.

It came to light in the February the urgently required money sent for the teeth extraction and replacement was spent elsewhere.

Wife didn't have a problem with that so, we just picked some more off the money tree :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

of course a number of women could try and use DV to get ILR, but then surely its easier for her to stay married for 5yrs and get ILR , unless there really is DV going on :cwm25:

also the HO want evidence of DV

No they didn't. ..no evidence was asked or provided. They took her word. As soon as one night is spent in a refuge, she's in.

The case worker didn't make life easy for her while in there. ..They know who's telling lies. Im afraid an abused battered woman have a certain something about them. They can not be thrown out. .normally the fakes leave of their own accord. They underestimated my wife. She's always been strong and confident.


The Judge threw the case out.

The council was still committed to rehousing no matter what the legal findings are.

Don't know what you are insinuating Joe :cwm25:. Past wives were willing to stand up for me in court. They included my grown up kids and my neighbours. I'm no brute so you can clear that nonsense from your head.

It was nothing to do with ILR or even British Citizenship. It was pure and simply to get rehoused. She didn't want me near my boys ..she didn't want my boys near my family. I was now dispensable, redundant to her needs.

If I'd left my house which is what she wanted..( gave me 3 months of hell ) then she would of copped the lot.

[marksroomspain]

I do not regularly send money to the Philippines. It is not because my family is financially well off but because I am on part-time employment and I do not want to ask money from my husband. We never know what lies ahead in the future and I do not want to hear any :blahblah::blahblah::blahblah: how he helped my family and how many barrels of lotions and perfumes he has given them.

Fair comment, until my wife found work I gave her a monthly allowance which I told her she was free to do what she wanted with so she sent so much home and used the rest for herself.

Now she's working I think she finally feels more proud that she can support them also our family, every penny counts.

[marksroomspain]

Nothing wrong with that Mark. I wish I cld echo the same arrangement..Unfortunately I can't. You've been lucky. To be fair, most folks here are in fresh relationships..only the test of time will tell.

She is a good woman Mark, we work well together..:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

No they didn't. ..no evidence was asked or provided. They took her word. As soon as one night is spent in a refuge, she's in.

The case worker didn't make life easy for her while in there. ..They know who's telling lies. Im afraid an abused battered woman have a certain something about them. They cannot be thrown out. .normally the fakes leave of their own accord. They underestimated my wife. She's always been strong and confident.


The Judge threw the case out.

The council was still committed to rehousing no matter what the legal findings are.

Don't know what you are insinuating Joe :cwm25:. Past wives were willing to stand up for me in court. They included my grown up kids and my neighbours. I'm no brute so you can clear that nonsense from your head.

It was nothing to do with ILR or even British Citizenship. It was pure and simply to get rehoused. She didn't want me near my boys ..she didn't want my boys near my family. I was now dispensable, redundant to her needs.

If I'd left my house which is what she wanted..( gave me 3 months of hell ) then she would of copped the lot.

sorry i was talking in general about DV and not about you,

EVIDENCE NEEDED FOR THE APPLICATION
http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/sitecontent/documents/residency/dv-victims-settlement.pdf


but since you've posted this
No they didn't. ..no evidence was asked or provided. They took her word. As soon as one night is spent in a refuge, she's in.


who are they ? UKBA have given your wife ILR ?

councils have a legal obligation to house parents with children.

as for
Don't know what you are insinuating Joe like i said i was talking in general, of course some women will claim DV to try and stay in the UK, I've read many posts in the past on other forums about this, but then how many women haven't reported DV and put up with it for whatever reasons :cwm24:, anyone putting ideas in your head is you gWapito, i don't know about your personal circumstances, its not my business nor do i want it to be, so tell me why you think i was talking about you :doh

[gWaPito]

You quoted my post. I stated that the bolded out bits happened to me.

'They' The local housing authority. She's as British as you and I Joe. She has British passport.

Yes, they have a responsibility to house homeless mothers and children. Unfortunately Joe it was on the basis of lies.

8 months ago she walked out of a good loving family home taking my babies with her.

[stevewool]

when my ex walked into a womans shelter after we had separated years before, i was not allowed to know where my daughter was living and was not allowed to collect her from there even though the ex went in there from another partner she was living with, if the man had done something wrong then so be it, but its very hard proving you are the innocent partner in any of this

[joebloggs]

You quoted my post. I stated that the bolded out bits happened to me.

'They' The local housing authority. She's as British as you and I Joe. She has British passport.

Yes, they have a responsibility to house homeless mothers and children. Unfortunately Joe it was on the basis of lies.

8 months ago she walked out of a good loving family home taking my babies with her.

sorry gWapito, i forgot she has a British passport :doh, well then the council will have a legal obligation to house them.

i'm sorry about your kids, you're probably the same as me, little joe means everything to me and i cant imagine not seeing him 24/7 :cwm24:

[grahamw48]

A lot of emotional stuff here guys...been through the same thing myself.

Let's not wind each other up, eh. It's not nice...especially when only the people involved know the true situation. :wink:

[stevewool]

A lot of emotional stuff here guys...been through the same thing myself.

Let's not wind each other up, eh. It's not nice...especially when only the people involved know the true situation. :wink:

wise words Graham

[gWaPito]

A lot of emotional stuff here guys...been through the same thing myself.

Let's not wind each other up, eh. It's not nice...especially when only the people involved know the true situation. :wink:

Cheers Graham :xxgrinning--00xx3: That's what I thought Joe was on :NoNo:

I'd obviously got hold of the wrong end of the stick :doh

It's a good job I'm at work! :icon_lol:

[gWaPito]

when my ex walked into a womans shelter after we had separated years before, i was not allowed to know where my daughter was living and was not allowed to collect her from there even though the ex went in there from another partner she was living with, if the man had done something wrong then so be it, but its very hard proving you are the innocent partner in any of this

It was the same for me Steve. .when she blagged her way into that refuge I wasn't allowed anywhere near....wasn't allowed to see my boys. ..wasn't allowed to even try and find them.

It's different now. .she's been rehoused. I have legal rights to know where my boys are living. Unfortunately she's not going to tell me. The county court is going to have to extract it. Once again :NoNo:

[gWaPito]

sorry gWapito, i forgot she has a British passport :doh, well then the council will have a legal obligation to house them.

i'm sorry about your kids, you're probably the same as me, little joe means everything to me and i cant imagine not seeing him 24/7 :cwm24:

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy :bigcry:

[Michael Parnham]

Yes ... me!

But then ... :anerikke: ... I guess we're fortunate, in that, all 5 of Myrna's siblings are - and always have been - fully self~supporting. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Yes Arthur, that's the same as Maritess family, they are all working in decent jobs, but having said that we don't mind helping out of our savings in an emergency by contributing if it is required!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

Just received my first negative rep ..cheers. Unfortunately they left no calling card. :icon_lol::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

Cheers Graham :xxgrinning--00xx3: That's what I thought Joe was on :NoNo:

I'd obviously got hold of the wrong end of the stick :doh

It's a good job I'm at work! :icon_lol:

:NoNo: I'm not winding anyone up, its not something to laugh about :mad:

good luck with seeing your kids gWaPito, every father should have that right

[joebloggs]

Just received my first negative rep ..cheers. Unfortunately they left no calling card. :icon_lol::xxgrinning--00xx3:

before you say anything, it wasn't me, I've never neg repped anyone on here :wink:

[gWaPito]

before you say anything, it wasn't me, I've never neg repped anyone on here :wink:
Hey! Don't be silly :icon_lol: I'd forgotten about it until you mentioned it.

I've got a lot more serious things going on in my life without worrying about trivialities like negative rep. In fact it made me laugh. Nobody cared enough b4. .I'm grateful :icon_lol:
I expect it was my darling wife anyway :Sex: :xxaction-smiley-047 :do_it:

[gWaPito]

:NoNo: I'm not winding anyone up, its not something to laugh about :mad:

good luck with seeing your kids gWaPito, every father should have that right

Every Monday and Tuesday Joe. ..I get them one night per week. I've got more contact with them now than I've ever done. They know their Nan, elder brother and sister. They've a rounded life. I wouldn't change it back to the nightmare. It's the best thing for the boys.

[HACHE]

I can probably say that your woman wanted assurance, and was also under pressure of what she's been seeing or probably people kept on asking or already judging your relationship, since you are in long distance relationship, waiting for the right time is very not ideal but I will say that you made the right decision to know yourself what you really want first and not went to the flow of pressure. I hope you're not feeling bad, you just made it for yourself and I will not judge that as selfishness.
Thanks, that's right, I just don't want to go with the flow of pressure, and want to know its right for me, not just convenient for someone else. But, I do feel bad for her, I know how hard things are. But again, I mustn't let sympathy be a reason for ignoring my feelings. If I did allow sympathy to get the better of me, I would one day end up being full of resentment...

[marksroomspain]

:icon_lol: This thread has become all mixed up :laugher:

[gWaPito]

:icon_lol: This thread has become all mixed up :laugher:

Just a bit Mark :cwm25:
We'll blame Joe :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[grahamw48]

Sipping Tanduay, listening to LOUD reggae music, dancing, and dreaming of my beautiful girl. Life is ok. :Cuckoo:

[gWaPito]

:biggrin::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[bigmarco]

Wow that was an interesting read some interesting points.
I think some people don't understand the closeness of the Filipino family. We marry these lovely ladies and expect them to give up their life and family and travel half way across the world to be with us. Surely it's not unreasonable for them to want to help their family or "share their blessings" as my wife says.
I have a 93yo mother who I would do anything for. Fortunately she doesn't need money so I am able to give her something far more valuable to her, my time. If she needed money I would give it as I would to any of my family if they were in desperate need. My wife actually looks forward to the time we spend with my mum and to see her doing a few chores or massaging my mums legs is to understand that my wife considers she married into our family. You can see in my mums face the delight she gets whenever we visit.
Which brings us to the lovely Filipino family that I married into. Sadly we are unable to give them as much of our time as we would like but fortunately we are able to help in other ways. My wife works hard and earns a good wage and I am fortunate that as both my girls are now working I have more disposable income than I've had for a long time. So we send a monthly allowance which includes the cost of schooling 2 boys within the house and they also understand that money is no object in the event of a medical emergency. We also have a few people that we help out occasionally but I must say this is more my doing than my wifes.
Marriage is about partnership it's about our wives accepting our values and in turn we have to accept theirs and if we can't do that then there are bound to be problems.
I'm not a religious person in any way but I always feel good about helping others out and besides you may as well spend it because you cant take it with you :biggrin:

[Espie]

I totally respect the Writer's point of view. But coming from a filipina myself, I can't stand reading the whole thing.

Whoever wrote this is absolutely a complete Moron!

I have not read anything nice, but rather insulting.

Filipinas are generally nice, we make good housewives and we take care of our men. I am happily married to an Englishman who means the world to me and accepts me for " everything"

I guess, if you want to have a successful marriage, take time to know both. Use your heart but don't forget to take your brain with you!

[gWaPito]

I totally respect the Writer's point of view, But Coming from a filipina myself, I can't stand reading the whole thing.
Whoever wrote this is absolutely a complete Moron!

You shouldn't of felt obliged to read it :NoNo: You respect the writer's point of view but, he's a complete moron...Total respect, I see


I have not read anything nice, but rather insulting.

Filipinas are generally nice, we make good housewives and we take care of our men. I am happily married to a Englishman who means the world to me and accepts me for " everything"

We can only talk for ourselves. The fact is, these things do happen. I can vouch for it. You will find at the start of his outburst he wasnt tarring all Filipina with the same brush


I guess, if you want to have a successful marriage, take time to know both. Use your heart but don't forget to take your brain with you!

Absolutely :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[grahamw48]

There are good and bad in all societies. As Espie has said..."Use your heart but don't forget to take your brain with you!". :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

Wow that was an interesting read some interesting points.
I think some people don't understand the closeness of the Filipino family. We marry these lovely ladies and expect them to give up their life and family and travel half way across the world to be with us. Surely it's not unreasonable for them to want to help their family or "share their blessings" as my wife says.
I have a 93yo mother who I would do anything for. Fortunately she doesn't need money so I am able to give her something far more valuable to her, my time. If she needed money I would give it as I would to any of my family if they were in desperate need. My wife actually looks forward to the time we spend with my mum and to see her doing a few chores or massaging my mums legs is to understand that my wife considers she married into our family. You can see in my mums face the delight she gets whenever we visit.
Which brings us to the lovely Filipino family that I married into. Sadly we are unable to give them as much of our time as we would like but fortunately we are able to help in other ways. My wife works hard and earns a good wage and I am fortunate that as both my girls are now working I have more disposable income than I've had for a long time. So we send a monthly allowance which includes the cost of schooling 2 boys within the house and they also understand that money is no object in the event of a medical emergency. We also have a few people that we help out occasionally but I must say this is more my doing than my wifes.
Marriage is about partnership it's about our wives accepting our values and in turn we have to accept theirs and if we can't do that then there are bound to be problems.
I'm not a religious person in any way but I always feel good about helping others out and besides you may as well spend it because you cant take it with you :biggrin:

Nothing wrong with any of that Marco :xxgrinning--00xx3: I accepted my wives (correct spelling) values wholeheartedly. The probs only started when the wiz was being extracted :doh. You have obviously married into a good family

[Espie]

I know I'm not obliged to read it, but everyone is entitled to their own point of view hence, I find this offensive and utter rubbish! I can only tell that his previous relationship with a "filipina" didn't work and I feel sorry for him. BUT it is not fair to be naming filipinas as such and such! Graham you're right, there are good and bad in all societies. No country is perfect, there will always be flaws. I just hope people would be more sensitive and won't use wrong impressions based on experience.

[Espie]

Gwapito, sorry for having a terrible experience. I wish you the best in the future. I can guarantee not all "filipinas" are like that :smile:

[gWaPito]

Gwapito, sorry for having a terrible experience. I wish you the best in the future. I can guarantee not all "filipinas" are like that :smile:

Thanks Espie
I know they're not all bad. .My brother in law's brother married a Filipina in 86. Still madly in love.
I've not given up hope

I've given u a rep for your kindness

[Espie]

Much appreciated gwapito! :wink: