On culture shock, horror, and disgust: Some of the emotions from which I'm still reeling

[dontpushme]

This is nothing personal and if I hit a little close to home, I'd love to hear your thoughts on why I'm justifiably wrong to feel the way I do.

I just moved to the UK in September 2013, and at the moment, I'm finding the culture shock a bit more than what I experienced when I moved to the US. I don't really know whether what I've seen so far are of the English culture, or local culture, or whatever. Forgive me for ranting, but I've been holding this all in for months, and I have been alone in this country with no one who understands where I'm coming from. I'd appreciate your input on a few topics.

1. Sanitation/hygiene (or the severe lack thereof)

Why do you use spit to 'clean' a smudge off skin or objects? No hand-washing, no regard for the millions of bacteria in each person's mouth, no regard for the millions of bacteria on the shoe that was just rubbed with spit.
Why don't people wash hands after using the toilet or before touching food, or after touching raw meat?
Why do people push crumbs or spilled food from the table directly on to the floor, disregarding how sticky the floor will get?

Why do people put shopping bags directly on the ground, then put them directly on the kitchen counters where you also directly prepare sandwiches and salads? I actually ended up in an ambulance and spending the night at the hospital because of the filthy food I've had to eat (couldn't refuse the sandwich without looking rude). I guess violently expelling everything in my GI tract was better than my baby getting deformed or even dying because of the nasty contaminated food. I've never been that sick before, despite coming from a farm (with no running water) in Bicol.

2. Speaking of hygiene, please don't "shift gears"

Why, oh why, do men constantly rearrange their junk??? It's disgusting and rude, and highly offensive. I can't believe the number of people I see doing this in public! Even my sister complained about this. Her office in Manila recently had an English visitor. Everyone treated the man warmly and he went out drinking with my sister's team, composed mainly of men, a few times. They let him pour everyone's shots, and shared their bar snacks with him. To everyone's extreme disgust, the last drinking night before he left, he reached into his pants, rearranged himself, and then sniffed his hand. My sister immediately commandeered the ice bucket so he wouldn't touch the tongs again, someone else took over the bottle of whatever alcohol they were drinking, and there were horrified looks exchanged all around the oblivious visitor. After a minute or so, the one gay person in the group managed to ask the guy to please go to the toilet next time he wanted to rearrange himself as it just wasn't acceptable in the Philippines to do it in public. The man had the gall to joke that sometimes men just needed to rearrange because they were sweaty and itchy.

The next day, at the airport, my sister just waved goodbye instead of shaking his hand.

Unfortunately for all the men in her team, they couldn't escape his handshake. As soon as the man had walked away and was out of earshot, every last one of them doused everything he had touched in rubbing alcohol. That is how revolting we Filipinos find crotch-grabbing. I know that even if the guy had rearranged himself through his clothes, everyone would still have found it disgusting because it was done in public.

When I was in High School, all the boys in my year avoided this one boy because he constantly rearranged himself.

No one ever high-fived him or shook his hand. This boy was a campus heartthrob, owing to his athletic skills, but the boys couldn't stand him and called him kamboy, short for kambiyo boy, whenever the girls were out of earshot (kambiyo means to shift gears). The girls in my year still don't know about this (it's been 15 years since we graduated), and I only know because I was one of the boys and witnessed everything myself. I can honestly say that "shifting gears" is one UK practice I will never stop being grossed out by. They're called private parts for a reason.

2. Waste and a "disposable" attitude, and what is it with the aversion to old things?

I'm sure you all know that Filipinos cook enough to have leftovers. We do this so that if someone drops by unexpectedly, we have enough food to share, and so that we can have leftovers the next day. From what I've seen here in the UK, anything that isn't eaten the first time around is thrown away. When my husband and I lived with my in-laws, it was a constant struggle to keep my food from being thrown away because "it's been on the counter for two hours". Bread was thrown away because someone accidentally microwaved it for more than 20 seconds. Any food that was getting close to its Best By date was thrown away, regardless of its actual condition. Even Spanish chorizo was thrown away because of the Best By date despite the fact that the damn sausage had been cured without refrigeration for much longer than the one week I had it in the fridge.

The waste I've seen doesn't stop at food. I had to fight tooth and nail to get my in-laws' 12-year-old leather sofas because my mother-in-law flatly refused to give them to me and insisted that they were going straight to the tip. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the sofas that leather cleaner and conditioner, and a needle wouldn't fix. Her excuse for mocking my desperate pleadings was that the sofas were old and she would never in a million years give me anything old. This still doesn't make sense as she goes to car boot sales every week and buys us junk that we neither want nor need but that she foists on us anyway. In any case, I've had to give up on her beautiful dining set that she really did take straight to the tip just because it was old. Fortunately for me and the sofas, my father-in-law spoke up for me and said I could have them. He doesn't need to know how many times I cried over the potential loss of good leather (my dad used to tan lambskin and sheepskin from our livestock, and my family has always had a thing for leather).

3. Bragging about "we invented the English language" while not being able to speak or spell the language

My in-laws, mostly the ones in the older generations, enjoy teasing me about my "American pronunciation". I usually have to hold my tongue and let them have their fun because as a Filipina, I'd feel terrible talking back to my elders. However, it really grates on me that the people who pick on me the most seem to have terrible diction, no clue about grammar, and worse pronunciation than even FOB Filipinos. It takes me one to two seconds to understand when people say things like "lickle" (little), "me moom" (my Mum), "'e were at the market" (He was at the market), "we was outdoors" (We were outdoors), "'e learned me me numbers" (He taught me my numbers), and "give it me" (Give it to me), to name a few. As annoying as the lack of proper grammar is, it's even worse when I get laughed at for not understanding people the first time.

The teasing has lessened since I decided to correct people's assumptions when they told me "aluminium" was the correct way to say the word and "aluminum" was the stupid American way. (Aluminum was the name the scientist who discovered the element gave it, but other people later decided to change the name to aluminium because aluminum didn't match the popular nomenclature trend of giving elements names that ended in -ium.) I guess it also helped that I've been passive-aggressively commenting to my in-laws about the terrible English of strangers I encounter while out and about.

4. Lack of knowledge regarding health

Twice during my pregnancy, my mother-in-law insisted that I sleep in the same bed as my sick husband. He only had a cold, but a simple cold in the Philippines is very different from a cold in the UK. Ours don't include coughs, headaches, nausea, or achy joints. When my father-in-law suggested my husband sleep on the sofa and I told my mother-in-law that a cold would make my asthma worse, she went all "over my dead body" on everyone, and told me that viruses were just one of the things families shared. I was pregnant and had just moved over, so I had no antibodies yet for the specific strains of cold viruses my husband had. Seriously, who in their right mind forces a pregnant woman to get sick?? Maybe it's just because my family is chockful of doctors, medical workers, and scientists, but I have always known that you do not play with the health of a pregnant woman. The second time she made me sleep in the same bed as my sick husband, I actually was sick for two weeks, and I almost whipped out my credit card and bought a plane ticket home. I was this close to leaving my husband because it felt like he didn't even know his responsibility to protect his wife and child from harmful lunatics. I had already been suffering from mild asthma since I moved because I wasn't used to all the carpeting, and the nasty-ass English cold (and everything that came with it) just ensured that my breathing was even more laboured. Has the UK really not learned from the numerous outbreaks and epidemics throughout the centuries that when one person is sick, you're supposed to try to keep him from infecting others?

5. "That's women's work", aka How to raise men to cling to women's apron strings

In the Philippines, our women take very good care of the men. However, this does not excuse men from learning how to cook, clean, sew, and do general housework. Some men do get teased for being "under the saya", which literally translates to "under the skirt" but figuratively means "under the woman's thumb". This jest has nothing to do with the man knowing how to do housework, but everything to do with who wears the pants in the family. Now, I have just had a conversation with my husband's Nana, who confirmed my observation that boys here are not expected to help out around the house. This leads to men having absolutely no housekeeping skills. I asked Nana what happens if a bachelor loses a shirt button or needs to have a hem fixed. She just replied that he'd get his mother or some other woman to do it for him. She gave me the same answer when I asked about laundry, ironing, cooking , cleaning, and all the other things that Filipino men are expected to learn. This really strikes me as a very backward way of thinking. Why do you, the First-Worlders, have such sexist upbringings? In my family, my brother is the best sewer and the best ironer. His stitches are small and even, and when he irons, the creases are as crisp as any military uniform's. No one ever questions his masculinity just because he's also a very good cook or because when he cleans something, he always leaves it spotless. Over here though, my husband is crap at anything in the household, and isn't afraid to admit it. He can't even hold a kitchen knife properly, and when I ask him to slice something, he either uses a chopping motion (which just squashes the veg) or saws at it (which tears the meat apart). Really, why do you raise adult boys (not men) who can't do anything for themselves and who are destined to run to a woman for every little thing? Do you like being so dependent on your mothers for everything?

6. Treating adult children as if they were minors

Back home, if a person were at uni and still had their mother come to school to handle the enrollment or clearance paperwork, or any kind of mundane uni task, he would be teased for being a big baby who couldn't handle his own affairs. Heck, from the age of 13, I was dropped off at the school with a blank check for my tuition and told to handle my enrollment myself. None of my friends ever had their mother doing it all for them either. In contrast, my husband's auntie is currently in Newcastle and she's brought a printer and a scanner with her so she can handle all the paperwork because her 21-year-old daughter is about to finish school. Is this because of a lack of trust? Is this because you really do raise all your kids to be reliant on their mothers? Where's the self-reliance they should have learned by now?

Aside from doing every little thing for your kids, why are the older generation so pushy? I'm 31 years old, have been earning and budgeting my own money since I was 7, and was raised to be self-reliant in and out of the house. I know my own opinions and I know what it takes to run a household efficiently.

Unfortunately, all my older generation female in-laws seem to think I'm 6 and have no mind. I constantly have to field unsolicited advice, and I'm really starting to hate all the pushiness. My husband and I have been living in our own home since March, and at least three days in a week, I have to endure my in-laws trying to force me to arrange my house their way or do tasks their (inefficient) way. It's just the women though. I have had absolutely no trouble from the men. They seem to be resigned to letting the women have their way all the time. What is it with the women in your country treating everyone like children, and why don't the men ever speak up??

Okay, my rant's over. I still don't get the UK. I'm not adjusting as well as I'd like to. My family back home is livid that I'm "being poisoned" and am being treated like a child. I really want to know whether all these things are a UK thing, or that I just have weird in-laws, or that these are a Northwest England thing.

Can anyone shed some light on some of the cultural differences I've just mentioned? I'm really missing home because all I can see about the people here are that they are unsanitary, cross-contaminating, wasteful, pushy, and their ideas about health are stuck in the Dark Ages. Still can't believe I'm the Third-Worlder and I'm the only one who seems to see the problem.

[London_Manila]

Some interesting topics

The American accent grates on me a lot = sorry I cant ignore it

You became ill eating a sandwich if I ever eat Balut I am sure I would be on the toilet for a week

Different bugs and germs in different parts of the world maybe Street food in Thailand makes me sick but the locals can eat it all day long

As for the filthy person who rearranged his genitals and then stuck his hand in the ice bucket
I would have told him directly to go and wash his hands because he has just put them down his trousers
Personal hygiene has no international borders = its down to the person not what country they come from

We normally treat adults like children if they behave like children surely thats the same the world over

If your in laws irritate you then simply tell them to butt out

The sofa was worn out thats why they would not let you have it = springs no good diba

Ok you were pregnant but not wanting to sleep in the same bed as your husband sounds a bit strange
A cold wont kill you and for sure you will catch that cold when he sneezes anyway
Do you really think that by sleeping in a different bed would have meant that you would not catch his cold
You live with him and he has a cold so 99% of the time your going to catch it what bed you sleep in makes not
difference
Maybe next time your husband gets a cold you can go and live in a hotel for a week........
Go to your doctor and get a asthma pump........

What happens in the Philippines when a lalaki get a cold where does he sleep?

Yes I am useless in the kitchen as well and as for ironing I hate it
But then we would not expect you to do any building work or service the car

You dont like carpet either.....when I am in the Phills i actually look for hotels that have a nice carpet

Enjoy you rants anyway keep them coming

[SimonH]

I think a lot of what you're describing is a regional thing, especially the pronunciation. However, you are incorrect on the origins of aluminium:-


"Etymology/nomenclature history
The earliest citation given in the Oxford English Dictionary for any word used as a name for this element is alumium, which Humphry Davy employed in 1808 for the metal he was trying to isolate electrolytically from the mineral alumina. The citation is from his journal Philosophical Transactions: "Had I been so fortunate as..to have procured the metallic substances I was in search of, I should have proposed for them the names of silicium, alumium, zirconium, and glucium." [11]

By 1812, Davy had settled on aluminum, which, as other sources note, matches its Latin root. He wrote in the journal Chemical Philosophy: "As yet Aluminum has not been obtained in a perfectly free state."[12] But the same year, an anonymous contributor to the Quarterly Review, a British political-literary journal, objected to aluminum and proposed the name aluminium, "for so we shall take the liberty of writing the word, in preference to aluminum, which has a less classical sound." [13]

The -ium suffix had the advantage of conforming to the precedent set in other newly discovered elements of the period: potassium, sodium, magnesium, calcium, and strontium (all of which Davy had isolated himself). Nevertheless, -um spellings for elements were not unknown at the time, as for example platinum, known to Europeans since the 16th century, molybdenum, discovered in 1778, and tantalum, discovered in 1802.

Americans adopted -ium for most of the 19th century, with aluminium appearing in Webster's Dictionary of 1828. In 1892, however, Charles Martin Hall used the -um spelling in an advertising handbill for his new electrolytic method of producing the metal, despite his constant use of the -ium spelling in all the patents he filed between 1886 and 1903. Hall's domination of production of the metal ensured that the spelling aluminum became the standard in North America; the Webster Unabridged Dictionary of 1913, though, continued to use the -ium version.

In 1926, the American Chemical Society officially decided to use aluminum in its publications; American dictionaries typically label the spelling aluminium as a British variant"
Source:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aluminium#S...


Some other things I agree with though, especially the food wastage. I think you'll have to compromise on the hygiene thing though, washing hands and not 'shifting gears' is one thing but putting a carrier bag on a work surface and separate rooms after you've already been exposed to his coughs and sneezes is a bit too much.

The leather issue was more of a personal one I think, but we live in a disposable society and a lot of these things are treated as a throw away items, and after 12 years of use when it's looking a bit tired we replace with new.

Not really sure about how to treat the family issues, but their attitude seems typically northern (sorry to any northerners :smile:) maybe even Victorian. You could try playing them at their own game and tell them that you're the woman of the house now and you'll run it as you want to :Erm:

Carpets? Surely that's something you can understand, think how cold it would be without them during the winter months :xxgrinning--00xx3:


Hope you feel more at home soon :smile: Come and have a good rant anytime, it's good to get these things out in the open :biggrin:

[Michael Parnham]

This is nothing personal and if I hit a little close to home, I'd love to hear your thoughts on why I'm justifiably wrong to feel the way I do.

I just moved to the UK in September 2013, and at the moment, I'm finding the culture shock a bit more than what I experienced when I moved to the US. I don't really know whether what I've seen so far are of the English culture, or local culture, or whatever. Forgive me for ranting, but I've been holding this all in for months, and I have been alone in this country with noone who understands where I'm coming from. I'd appreciate your input on a few topics.

1. Sanitation/hygiene (or the severe lack thereof)
Why do you use spit to 'clean' a smudge off skin or objects? No hand-washing, no regard for the millions of bacteria in each person's mouth, no regard for the millions of bacteria on the shoe that was just rubbed with spit.
Why don't people wash hands after using the toilet or before touching food, or after touching raw meat?
Why do people push crumbs or spilled food from the table directly on to the floor, disregarding how sticky the floor will get?
Why do people put shopping bags directly on the ground, then put them directly on the kitchen counters where you also directly prepare sandwiches and salads? I actually ended up in an ambulance and spending the night at the hospital because of the filthy food I've had to eat (couldn't refuse the sandwich without looking rude). I guess violently expelling everything in my GI tract was better than my baby getting deformed or even dying because of the nasty contaminated food. I've never been that sick before, despite coming from a farm (with no running water) in Bicol.

2. Speaking of hygiene, please don't "shift gears"
Why, oh why, do men constantly rearrange their junk??? It's disgusting and rude, and highly offensive. I can't believe the number of people I see doing this in public! Even my sister complained about this. Her office in Manila recently had an English visitor. Everyone treated the man warmly and he went out drinking with my sister's team, composed mainly of men, a few times. They let him pour everyone's shots, and shared their bar snacks with him. To everyone's extreme disgust, the last drinking night before he left, he reached into his pants, rearranged himself, and then sniffed his hand. My sister immediately commandeered the ice bucket so he wouldn't touch the tongs again, someone else took over the bottle of whatever alcohol they were drinking, and there were horrified looks exchanged all around the oblivious visitor. After a minute or so, the one gay person in the group managed to ask the guy to please go to the toilet next time he wanted to rearrange himself as it just wasn't acceptable in the Philippines to do it in public. The man had the gall to joke that sometimes men just needed to rearrange because they were sweaty and itchy. The next day, at the airport, my sister just waved goodbye instead of shaking his hand. Unfortunately for all the men in her team, they couldn't escape his handshake. As soon as the man had walked away and was out of earshot, every last one of them doused everything he had touched in rubbing alcohol. That is how revolting we Filipinos find crotch-grabbing. I know that even if the guy had rearranged himself through his clothes, everyone would still have found it disgusting because it was done in public. When I was in high school, all the boys in my year avoided this one boy because he constantly rearranged himself. Noone ever high-fived him or shook his hand. This boy was a campus heartthrob, owing to his athletic skills, but the boys couldn't stand him and called him kamboy, short for kambiyo boy, whenever the girls were out of earshot (kambiyo means to shift gears). The girls in my year still don't know about this (it's been 15 years since we graduated), and I only know because I was one of the boys and witnessed everything myself. I can honestly say that "shifting gears" is one UK practice I will never stop being grossed out by. They're called private parts for a reason.

2. Waste and a "disposable" attitude, and what is it with the aversion to old things?
I'm sure you all know that Filipinos cook enough to have leftovers. We do this so that if someone drops by unexpectedly, we have enough food to share, and so that we can have leftovers the next day. From what I've seen here in the UK, anything that isn't eaten the first time around is thrown away. When my husband and I lived with my in-laws, it was a constant struggle to keep my food from being thrown away because "it's been on the counter for two hours". Bread was thrown away because someone accidentally microwaved it for more than 20 seconds. Any food that was getting close to its Best By date was thrown away, regardless of its actual condition. Even Spanish chorizo was thrown away because of the Best By date despite the fact that the damn sausage had been cured without refrigeration for much longer than the one week I had it in the fridge.
The waste I've seen doesn't stop at food. I had to fight tooth and nail to get my in-laws' 12-year-old leather sofas because my mother-in-law flatly refused to give them to me and insisted that they were going straight to the tip. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the sofas that leather cleaner and conditioner, and a needle wouldn't fix. Her excuse for mocking my desperate pleadings was that the sofas were old and she would never in a million years give me anything old. This still doesn't make sense as she goes to car boot sales every week and buys us junk that we neither want nor need but that she foists on us anyway. In any case, I've had to give up on her beautiful dining set that she really did take straight to the tip just because it was old. Fortunately for me and the sofas, my father-in-law spoke up for me and said I could have them. He doesn't need to know how many times I cried over the potential loss of good leather (my dad used to tan lambskin and sheepskin from our livestock, and my family has always had a thing for leather).

3. Bragging about "we invented the English language" while not being able to speak or spell the language
My in-laws, mostly the ones in the older generations, enjoy teasing me about my "American pronunciation". I usually have to hold my tongue and let them have their fun because as a Filipina, I'd feel terrible talking back to my elders. However, it really grates on me that the people who pick on me the most seem to have terrible diction, no clue about grammar, and worse pronunciation than even FOB Filipinos. It takes me one to two seconds to understand when people say things like "lickle" (little), "me moom" (my Mum), "'e were at the market" (He was at the market), "we was outdoors" (We were outdoors), "'e learned me me numbers" (He taught me my numbers), and "give it me" (Give it to me), to name a few. As annoying as the lack of proper grammar is, it's even worse when I get laughed at for not understanding people the first time.
The teasing has lessened since I decided to correct people's assumptions when they told me "aluminium" was the correct way to say the word and "aluminum" was the stupid American way. (Aluminum was the name the scientist who discovered the element gave it, but other people later decided to change the name to aluminium because aluminum didn't match the popular nomenclature trend of giving elements names that ended in -ium.) I guess it also helped that I've been passive-aggressively commenting to my in-laws about the terrible English of strangers I encounter while out and about.

4. Lack of knowledge regarding health
Twice during my pregnancy, my mother-in-law insisted that I sleep in the same bed as my sick husband. He only had a cold, but a simple cold in the Philippines is very different from a cold in the UK. Ours don't include coughs, headaches, nausea, or achy joints. When my father-in-law suggested my husband sleep on the sofa and I told my mother-in-law that a cold would make my asthma worse, she went all "over my dead body" on everyone, and told me that viruses were just one of the things families shared. I was pregnant and had just moved over, so I had no antibodies yet for the specific strains of cold viruses my husband had. Seriously, who in their right mind forces a pregnant woman to get sick?? Maybe it's just because my family is chockful of doctors, medical workers, and scientists, but I have always known that you do not play with the health of a pregnant woman. The second time she made me sleep in the same bed as my sick husband, I actually was sick for two weeks, and I almost whipped out my credit card and bought a plane ticket home. I was thisclose to leaving my husband because it felt like he didn't even know his responsibility to protect his wife and child from harmful lunatics. I had already been suffering from mild asthma since I moved because I wasn't used to all the carpeting, and the nasty-ass English cold (and everything that came with it) just ensured that my breathing was even more laboured. Has the UK really not learned from the numerous outbreaks and epidemics throughout the centuries that when one person is sick, you're supposed to try to keep him from infecting others?

4. "That's women's work", aka How to raise men to cling to women's apron strings
In the Philippines, our women take very good care of the men. However, this does not excuse men from learning how to cook, clean, sew, and do general housework. Some men do get teased for being "under the saya", which literally translates to "under the skirt" but figuratively means "under the woman's thumb". This jest has nothing to do with the man knowing how to do housework, but everything to do with who wears the pants in the family. Now, I have just had a conversation with my husband's Nana, who confirmed my observation that boys here are not expected to help out around the house. This leads to men having absolutely no housekeeping skills. I asked Nana what happens if a bachelor loses a shirt button or needs to have a hem fixed. She just replied that he'd get his mother or some other woman to do it for him. She gave me the same answer when I asked about laundry, ironing, cooking , cleaning, and all the other things that Filipino men are expected to learn. This really strikes me as a very backward way of thinking. Why do you, the First-Worlders, have such sexist upbringings? In my family, my brother is the best sewer and the best ironer. His stitches are small and even, and when he irons, the creases are as crisp as any military uniform's. Noone ever questions his masculinity just because he's also a very good cook or because when he cleans something, he always leaves it spotless. Over here though, my husband is crap at anything in the household, and isn't afraid to admit it. He can't even hold a kitchen knife properly, and when I ask him to slice something, he either uses a chopping motion (which just squashes the veg) or saws at it (which tears the meat apart). Really, why do you raise adult boys (not men) who can't do anything for themselves and who are destined to run to a woman for every little thing? Do you like being so dependent on your mothers for everything?

6. Treating adult children as if they were minors
Back home, if a person were at uni and still had their mother come to school to handle the enrollment or clearance paperwork, or any kind of mundane uni task, he would be teased for being a big baby who couldn't handle his own affairs. Heck, from the age of 13, I was dropped off at the school with a blank check for my tuition and told to handle my enrollment myself. None of my friends ever had their mother doing it all for them either. In contrast, my husband's auntie is currently in Newcastle and she's brought a printer and a scanner with her so she can handle all the paperwork because her 21-year-old daughter is about to finish school. Is this because of a lack of trust? Is this because you really do raise all your kids to be reliant on their mothers? Where's the self-reliance they should have learned by now?
Aside from doing every little thing for your kids, why are the older generation so pushy? I'm 31 years old, have been earning and budgeting my own money since I was 7, and was raised to be self-reliant in and out of the house. I know my own opinions and I know what it takes to run a household efficiently. Unfortunately, all my older generation female in-laws seem to think I'm 6 and have no mind. I constantly have to field unsolicited advice, and I'm really starting to hate all the pushiness. My husband and I have been living in our own home since March, and at least three days in a week, I have to endure my in-laws trying to force me to arrange my house their way or do tasks their (inefficient) way. It's just the women though. I have had absolutely no trouble from the men. They seem to be resigned to letting the women have their way all the time. What is it with the women in your country treating everyone like children, and why don't the men ever speak up??

Okay, my rant's over. I still don't get the UK. I'm not adjusting as well as I'd like to. My family back home is livid that I'm "being poisoned" and am being treated like a child. I really want to know whether all these things are a UK thing, or that I just have weird in-laws, or that these are a Northwest England thing. Can anyone shed some light on some of the cultural differences I've just mentioned? I'm really missing home because all I can see about the people here are that they are unsanitary, cross-contaminating, wasteful, pushy, and their ideas about health are stuck in the Dark Ages. Still can't believe I'm the Third-Worlder and I'm the only one who seems to see the problem.

The best post I've ever read on this forum, really good read. Also, I agree with almost everything that is said. I will come back with my comments later, as have no time at the moment.

Great stuff Dontpushme, keep it coming! :xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

Long post. As for hygiene, I don't think what you've posted applies to most people. I'm sure by far most of us wash our hands after going to the toilet. As for you getting ill here, did you ever get ill from dodgy food in the Phils :Erm:

I once had a drink in the Phils a cherry type slush drink, I'd never been so ill in my life. From that day, I don't drink anything unless its straight out of a bottle in the Phils. Of course, I've eaten a few things here that made me ill, but its very rare.

Next, when I've been in the Phils, by far most places don't cover the food and I think the flies get more of it than us. Many years ago when I was at college, I used to sit next to a poster of a fly, and it explained how they eat their food. I'm sure I don't have to tell you :cwm24:

Sorry, but I'm seeing thing differently from you :cwm25:

Anyway, gotta go off to take the kids to that dodgy place called Blackpool :biggrin:

[lordna]

This is nothing personal and if I hit a little close to home, I'd love to hear your thoughts on why I'm justifiably wrong to feel the way I do.

I just moved to the UK in September 2013, and at the moment, I'm finding the culture shock a bit more than what I experienced when I moved to the US. I don't really know whether what I've seen so far are of the English culture, or local culture, or whatever. Forgive me for ranting, but I've been holding this all in for months, and I have been alone in this country with noone who understands where I'm coming from. I'd appreciate your input on a few topics.

1. Sanitation/hygiene (or the severe lack thereof)
Why do you use spit to 'clean' a smudge off skin or objects? No hand-washing, no regard for the millions of bacteria in each person's mouth, no regard for the millions of bacteria on the shoe that was just rubbed with spit.
Why don't people wash hands after using the toilet or before touching food, or after touching raw meat?
Why do people push crumbs or spilled food from the table directly on to the floor, disregarding how sticky the floor will get?
Why do people put shopping bags directly on the ground, then put them directly on the kitchen counters where you also directly prepare sandwiches and salads? I actually ended up in an ambulance and spending the night at the hospital because of the filthy food I've had to eat (couldn't refuse the sandwich without looking rude). I guess violently expelling everything in my GI tract was better than my baby getting deformed or even dying because of the nasty contaminated food. I've never been that sick before, despite coming from a farm (with no running water) in Bicol.

2. Speaking of hygiene, please don't "shift gears"
Why, oh why, do men constantly rearrange their junk??? It's disgusting and rude, and highly offensive. I can't believe the number of people I see doing this in public! Even my sister complained about this. Her office in Manila recently had an English visitor. Everyone treated the man warmly and he went out drinking with my sister's team, composed mainly of men, a few times. They let him pour everyone's shots, and shared their bar snacks with him. To everyone's extreme disgust, the last drinking night before he left, he reached into his pants, rearranged himself, and then sniffed his hand. My sister immediately commandeered the ice bucket so he wouldn't touch the tongs again, someone else took over the bottle of whatever alcohol they were drinking, and there were horrified looks exchanged all around the oblivious visitor. After a minute or so, the one gay person in the group managed to ask the guy to please go to the toilet next time he wanted to rearrange himself as it just wasn't acceptable in the Philippines to do it in public. The man had the gall to joke that sometimes men just needed to rearrange because they were sweaty and itchy. The next day, at the airport, my sister just waved goodbye instead of shaking his hand. Unfortunately for all the men in her team, they couldn't escape his handshake. As soon as the man had walked away and was out of earshot, every last one of them doused everything he had touched in rubbing alcohol. That is how revolting we Filipinos find crotch-grabbing. I know that even if the guy had rearranged himself through his clothes, everyone would still have found it disgusting because it was done in public. When I was in high school, all the boys in my year avoided this one boy because he constantly rearranged himself. Noone ever high-fived him or shook his hand. This boy was a campus heartthrob, owing to his athletic skills, but the boys couldn't stand him and called him kamboy, short for kambiyo boy, whenever the girls were out of earshot (kambiyo means to shift gears). The girls in my year still don't know about this (it's been 15 years since we graduated), and I only know because I was one of the boys and witnessed everything myself. I can honestly say that "shifting gears" is one UK practice I will never stop being grossed out by. They're called private parts for a reason.

2. Waste and a "disposable" attitude, and what is it with the aversion to old things?
I'm sure you all know that Filipinos cook enough to have leftovers. We do this so that if someone drops by unexpectedly, we have enough food to share, and so that we can have leftovers the next day. From what I've seen here in the UK, anything that isn't eaten the first time around is thrown away. When my husband and I lived with my in-laws, it was a constant struggle to keep my food from being thrown away because "it's been on the counter for two hours". Bread was thrown away because someone accidentally microwaved it for more than 20 seconds. Any food that was getting close to its Best By date was thrown away, regardless of its actual condition. Even Spanish chorizo was thrown away because of the Best By date despite the fact that the damn sausage had been cured without refrigeration for much longer than the one week I had it in the fridge.
The waste I've seen doesn't stop at food. I had to fight tooth and nail to get my in-laws' 12-year-old leather sofas because my mother-in-law flatly refused to give them to me and insisted that they were going straight to the tip. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the sofas that leather cleaner and conditioner, and a needle wouldn't fix. Her excuse for mocking my desperate pleadings was that the sofas were old and she would never in a million years give me anything old. This still doesn't make sense as she goes to car boot sales every week and buys us junk that we neither want nor need but that she foists on us anyway. In any case, I've had to give up on her beautiful dining set that she really did take straight to the tip just because it was old. Fortunately for me and the sofas, my father-in-law spoke up for me and said I could have them. He doesn't need to know how many times I cried over the potential loss of good leather (my dad used to tan lambskin and sheepskin from our livestock, and my family has always had a thing for leather).

3. Bragging about "we invented the English language" while not being able to speak or spell the language
My in-laws, mostly the ones in the older generations, enjoy teasing me about my "American pronunciation". I usually have to hold my tongue and let them have their fun because as a Filipina, I'd feel terrible talking back to my elders. However, it really grates on me that the people who pick on me the most seem to have terrible diction, no clue about grammar, and worse pronunciation than even FOB Filipinos. It takes me one to two seconds to understand when people say things like "lickle" (little), "me moom" (my Mum), "'e were at the market" (He was at the market), "we was outdoors" (We were outdoors), "'e learned me me numbers" (He taught me my numbers), and "give it me" (Give it to me), to name a few. As annoying as the lack of proper grammar is, it's even worse when I get laughed at for not understanding people the first time.
The teasing has lessened since I decided to correct people's assumptions when they told me "aluminium" was the correct way to say the word and "aluminum" was the stupid American way. (Aluminum was the name the scientist who discovered the element gave it, but other people later decided to change the name to aluminium because aluminum didn't match the popular nomenclature trend of giving elements names that ended in -ium.) I guess it also helped that I've been passive-aggressively commenting to my in-laws about the terrible English of strangers I encounter while out and about.

4. Lack of knowledge regarding health
Twice during my pregnancy, my mother-in-law insisted that I sleep in the same bed as my sick husband. He only had a cold, but a simple cold in the Philippines is very different from a cold in the UK. Ours don't include coughs, headaches, nausea, or achy joints. When my father-in-law suggested my husband sleep on the sofa and I told my mother-in-law that a cold would make my asthma worse, she went all "over my dead body" on everyone, and told me that viruses were just one of the things families shared. I was pregnant and had just moved over, so I had no antibodies yet for the specific strains of cold viruses my husband had. Seriously, who in their right mind forces a pregnant woman to get sick?? Maybe it's just because my family is chockful of doctors, medical workers, and scientists, but I have always known that you do not play with the health of a pregnant woman. The second time she made me sleep in the same bed as my sick husband, I actually was sick for two weeks, and I almost whipped out my credit card and bought a plane ticket home. I was thisclose to leaving my husband because it felt like he didn't even know his responsibility to protect his wife and child from harmful lunatics. I had already been suffering from mild asthma since I moved because I wasn't used to all the carpeting, and the nasty-ass English cold (and everything that came with it) just ensured that my breathing was even more laboured. Has the UK really not learned from the numerous outbreaks and epidemics throughout the centuries that when one person is sick, you're supposed to try to keep him from infecting others?

4. "That's women's work", aka How to raise men to cling to women's apron strings
In the Philippines, our women take very good care of the men. However, this does not excuse men from learning how to cook, clean, sew, and do general housework. Some men do get teased for being "under the saya", which literally translates to "under the skirt" but figuratively means "under the woman's thumb". This jest has nothing to do with the man knowing how to do housework, but everything to do with who wears the pants in the family. Now, I have just had a conversation with my husband's Nana, who confirmed my observation that boys here are not expected to help out around the house. This leads to men having absolutely no housekeeping skills. I asked Nana what happens if a bachelor loses a shirt button or needs to have a hem fixed. She just replied that he'd get his mother or some other woman to do it for him. She gave me the same answer when I asked about laundry, ironing, cooking , cleaning, and all the other things that Filipino men are expected to learn. This really strikes me as a very backward way of thinking. Why do you, the First-Worlders, have such sexist upbringings? In my family, my brother is the best sewer and the best ironer. His stitches are small and even, and when he irons, the creases are as crisp as any military uniform's. Noone ever questions his masculinity just because he's also a very good cook or because when he cleans something, he always leaves it spotless. Over here though, my husband is crap at anything in the household, and isn't afraid to admit it. He can't even hold a kitchen knife properly, and when I ask him to slice something, he either uses a chopping motion (which just squashes the veg) or saws at it (which tears the meat apart). Really, why do you raise adult boys (not men) who can't do anything for themselves and who are destined to run to a woman for every little thing? Do you like being so dependent on your mothers for everything?

6. Treating adult children as if they were minors
Back home, if a person were at uni and still had their mother come to school to handle the enrollment or clearance paperwork, or any kind of mundane uni task, he would be teased for being a big baby who couldn't handle his own affairs. Heck, from the age of 13, I was dropped off at the school with a blank check for my tuition and told to handle my enrollment myself. None of my friends ever had their mother doing it all for them either. In contrast, my husband's auntie is currently in Newcastle and she's brought a printer and a scanner with her so she can handle all the paperwork because her 21-year-old daughter is about to finish school. Is this because of a lack of trust? Is this because you really do raise all your kids to be reliant on their mothers? Where's the self-reliance they should have learned by now?
Aside from doing every little thing for your kids, why are the older generation so pushy? I'm 31 years old, have been earning and budgeting my own money since I was 7, and was raised to be self-reliant in and out of the house. I know my own opinions and I know what it takes to run a household efficiently. Unfortunately, all my older generation female in-laws seem to think I'm 6 and have no mind. I constantly have to field unsolicited advice, and I'm really starting to hate all the pushiness. My husband and I have been living in our own home since March, and at least three days in a week, I have to endure my in-laws trying to force me to arrange my house their way or do tasks their (inefficient) way. It's just the women though. I have had absolutely no trouble from the men. They seem to be resigned to letting the women have their way all the time. What is it with the women in your country treating everyone like children, and why don't the men ever speak up??

Okay, my rant's over. I still don't get the UK. I'm not adjusting as well as I'd like to. My family back home is livid that I'm "being poisoned" and am being treated like a child. I really want to know whether all these things are a UK thing, or that I just have weird in-laws, or that these are a Northwest England thing. Can anyone shed some light on some of the cultural differences I've just mentioned? I'm really missing home because all I can see about the people here are that they are unsanitary, cross-contaminating, wasteful, pushy, and their ideas about health are stuck in the Dark Ages. Still can't believe I'm the Third-Worlder and I'm the only one who seems to see the problem.

Really enjoyed reading the above! But please don't think all us English are the same. On "shifting gears", I agree it's disgusting and annoys me when I see so many younger men doing this in public. "Waste and leftovers", I must admit I have learnt from my Filipina wife that food often tastes a lot better the second day and now throw out as little as possible.

"English language" - well it did start here but like any country you will experience regional variations on how it's spoken. I suggest you tease them in return when they don't speak "The Queens English". "That's womens work" ... maybe so in some parts of the country, but I was always taught to do things myself. My first wife, however, was not like this and always insisted on doing everything for our kids...a big mistake in my eyes.
Please be patient. We are not all the same as you no doubt will find out once you have been here longer.

[Rosie1958]

Congratulations on your expected baby Don’tPushMe! I'm sorry to read that you are having trouble adjusting ...... here's my view:

No, we British are not all the same and we have different standards. There are some distinct differences living in the North and the South of the country. Local traditions are also quite different, particularly in the North, as well as language accents. (I am from the South)

1. Food and personal hygiene are very important to me and my partner. My partner often comments about men that don’t wash their hands when they have been to the toilet, he finds it as disgusting as I do. I use food preparation boards that are dish washer proof and therefore able to be washed at high temperatures to keep any bugs at bay. I never prepare food directly onto a kitchen work surface, that’s asking for trouble.

2. I can’t say that I have ever really noticed anyone re-arranging “their bits” in public, it’s not done in the places and circle I frequent. There’s no way that I would have shaken that dirty guy's hand either! Like you, I am reluctant to share a bed with my partner when he has a cold. I don’t want it and would prefer to sleep in another room.

3. Although I do freeze portions of home cooked food immediately as soon as they have cooled, I am guilty of throwing out food after the sell by date as well as scraps and I also over-buy. I know it’s a waste of money and partly down to changing plans for meals, etc. I’d sooner give unwanted furniture away and usually donate it to the British Heart Foundation charity who will only accept items in good condition but I haven’t got anything old and battered in my home. Your mother-in-law was probably too embarrassed to give you her old furniture. I have never bought second hand goods for myself or anyone else.

4. I’ve taught my son to cook, clean, budget, shop, garden, decorate, along with everything else in the household and if he couldn’t, I would feel I had failed as a mother. My partner is absolutely brilliant too and is very domesticated. He doesn’t enjoy cooking but can and will make some very tasty meals. There is no excuse these days. Equality and independence is very important to me.

5. As for the behaviour of British women, I think that you’ve struck it unlucky but some of what’s being said is probably in an effort to help you. I don't know how old your female in laws are (they sound quite elderly) but would suggest that you consider sharing your thoughts and feelings very tactfully with those that are making you feel the way you do ……. Or ignoring it

Your pregnancy hormone levels may also be affecting the way that you feel right now. I do hope that you are able to adjust to the British way of life before long and begin to enjoy it. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[raynaputi]

I think hygiene is different for every person. It's not something that's because of culture or race or what. Just in the Philippines alone, plenty of unhygienic people everywhere. My mum-in-law will not let me hug or kiss her in the cheeks whenever she has cold because she doesn't want me to get it. Keith would also cringe being with someone with cough/cold/or whatever virus they have whenever we see someone because he easily catches it and it buggers his health for days. One example was when we went to Singapore and he wanted to go to Mustafa Centre (a big Indian shop) because it's cheap to buy stuff there. I told him I never liked the place because it's really crowded and I hate the smell. But he insisted. That same night he had fever and it ruined our week in Singapore because he was sick the whole week.

Another instance of hygiene related stuff is that hubby's family will always tell me how to eat cooked shrimps/prawns with shells on it. I always use my spoon and fork and would never use my hands to remove the shells because that's the way my dad has taught me (and my siblings) while growing up. They said that I'm doing it wrong and should use my hands to remove the shells, but I have never change the way I eat. My dad never liked it whenever we used our bare hands while eating. He says it's unhygienic. In the Philippines, you will always see someone using just their hands to eat (nagkakamay), but my dad refused to do the same (although my siblings and I know how to). So, hygiene is definitely not the same for everybody.

The English language, well it really did originate from the English people. You can't contest about it. I used to get lots of comments about my "American" English accent too, but these people also appreciate that they can clearly understand me, being a foreigner to them. My hubby and I had always had silly exchanges of how I say it and how it should be pronounced or spelled according to him. But I always take it as a new knowledge rather than get offended by it. Accents also play a big role in how the people here in the UK speak. Also, you will notice that a lot of the youngsters are the ones who don't really appreciate how they talk, spell, or what. Mind you, Filipinos are way more critical than the British when it comes to language.

Treating adults as child, well definitely a family way rather than culture and race. My hubby does and knows a lot, but are restricted because of his health. My in-laws hated it when their grand kids are useless, especially when it comes to money. Keith's kids are living with their mum and they didn't get the proper upbringing when it comes to education, money, work and other stuff. Why? Because it's how they've seen it and got accustomed to while living with their mum. And my mum-in-law has always pointed that out to me because she said it will not be the case if they lived with them..hahaha..:icon_lol:

You see, if you will really be critical of the people and lifestyle here in the UK, you will notice every single thing. I was like that at first (particularly the way family relationships, which I found not very the same in the Philippines). But then, I got to think that there are people/lifestyle/manners like that in the Philippines and other countries as well, that made me stop being that critical and resisting the changes that I'm encountering. Life is too short to be bothered with all the changes that won't always conform me. If it's not a matter of life and death, then I couldn't be bothered. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Rosie1958]

Excellent post, Rayna! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[RicIre]

Nit picking and applying it to everyone :icon_lol:

[raynaputi]

Excellent post, Rayna!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Thanks Rosie (and for the rep :xxgrinning--00xx3:).

I'm doing well, by the way..enjoying this sunny weekend! :biggrin:

[bhem_bhem]

1. When it comes to hygiene my hubby is hygienic and so are my friends.

2. You live with your in laws. Whether you like it or not, you have to follow them and do what they like - coz it's their house.

3. My hubby brags about them inventing the English language but i never take it seriously. I just laugh at it. Hubby, though, is good at spelling and grammar and he pronounces it properly.

4. Regarding with health issues, my hubby took ill when I was pregnant but i didn't avoid him. I still insisted that he will kiss me before he goes to work or before we sleep. We are living under the same roof so I already expect that I will catch it which I haven't.

Unfortunately, my hubby lacks of household skills. I used to wish that my hubby and my father were the same (my father knows everything) but I realised that it's unfair on my hubby's part to compare him to my father coz they are different. I knew my hubby's like that before I married him so I just stop wishing for him to change. I manage though, to teach him few things.

6. Just tell your female in laws to stick their noses to their own business. Luckily my in laws are not like that.

I'm sorry but we see things differently. I think you need to stop comparing ourselves to British. You need to move on and get over it.

[Michael Parnham]

Thanks Rosie (and for the rep :xxgrinning--00xx3:).

I'm doing well, by the way..enjoying this sunny weekend! :biggrin:

Like your Avatar Rayna, it's as though you are speaking to us! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[imagine]

Wow, dontpushme, what a long post.

It got me comparing your findings with my own here in Philippines.

Hygiene, mmm, toilets or rest rooms adjoined to a kitchen with only one door to separate them. In the UK - due to health and hygiene - there must be 2 doors if entry to toilet is via a kitchen. Reheated food which was left overs from someones plate, ok not wasteful, but is that hygienic? Nothing wrong with frying up leftovers from the pan in my opinion. Is washing your backside with a scoop and your hand really hygienic? Seems to me it's just smearing germs all over your hands, then straight into the kitchen through that 1 door :yikes:!

Guys here just pee anywhere, is that hygienic? Open drains, is that smell hygenic?

I accept the way it is here. After all, I'm living in in a country as a foreigner, and I believe the saying, when in Rome live as the Romans do - not literaly, but it's a good guidline.

Yes, I can relate to young guys growing up who depend too much on women, spoilt by their mothers.

But you know, not everyone is the same, and for those guys that don't know how, what's wrong with them learning to help around the house? Can't do it is just an excuse.

Great post of yours and I'm not knocking what you say. But I think every country - every part of each country - has its faults as far as peoples manners are concerned. I love the people here in Phil, so friendly and welcoming

[RicIre]

guys here just pee anywhere, is that hygenic? open drains,is that smell hygenic,


Even this sign found on every street corner doesn't put them off :icon_lol:

http://palpakblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/bawal-ihi.jpg

[imagine]

Even this sign found on every street corner doesn't put them off :icon_lol:

http://palpakblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/bawal-ihi.jpg

:yikes::laugher::laugher::laugher:

[RicIre]

:yikes::laugher::laugher::laugher:

This should solve the problem :xxgrinning--00xx3:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpXfX-nqFyo

[Dedworth]

Even this sign found on every street corner doesn't put them off :icon_lol:

http://palpakblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/bawal-ihi.jpg

Superb pic - I wonder if the lagered up, rogue Brit scratching his meat & 2 veg used the gents or went in the street

[RicIre]

Some interesting topics

The American accent grates on me a lot = sorry i cant ignore it

You became ill eating a sandwich if i ever eat Balut i am sure i would be on the toilet for a week

Different bugs and germs in different parts of the world maybe Street food in Thailand makes me sick but the locals can eat it all day long

As for the filthy person who rearranged his genitals and then stuck his hand in the ice bucket
I would have told him directly to go and wash his hands because he has just put them down his trousers
Personal hygiene has no international borders = its down to the person not what country they come from

We normally treat adults like children if they behave like children surely thats the same the world over

If your in laws irritate you then simply tell them to butt out

The sofa was worn out thats why they would not let you have it = springs no good diba

Ok you were pregnant but not wanting to sleep in the same bed as your husband sounds a bit strange
A cold wont kill you and for sure you will catch that cold when he sneezes anyway
Do you really think that by sleeping in a different bed would have meant that you would not catch his cold
You live with him and he has a cold so 99% of the time your going to catch it what bed you sleep in makes not
difference
Maybe next time your husband gets a cold you can go and live in a hotel for a week........
Go to your doctor and get a asthma pump........

What happens in the Philippines when a lalaki get a cold where does he sleep?

Yes i am useless in the kitchen as well and as for ironing i hate it
But then we would not expect you to do any building work or service the car

You dont like carpet either.....when i am in the Phills i actually look for hotels that have a nice carpet

Enjoy you rants anyway keep them coming

Op should re-title it to "I hate my in-laws and my husband doesn't care" and post it to http://ihatemyinlaws.com/

[les_taxi]

Wow what a post :yikes:
I'm lost for words :doh

[Arthur Little]

FAO The Originator of This Thread

:sorry-2: ... 'fraid I don't know your Christian name in order to be able to address you by it. But can I just say, what a truly SPLENDID opening post of yours this is ... you've managed to "hit the nail :action-smiley-060: on the head" in so many aspects of human nature that ought to concern each & every self~respecting individual worldwide!

Moreover, I greatly appreciate BOTH the time and effort you've put into sharing your observations with us. :thankyou:

[joebloggs]

Wow what a post :yikes:

I'm lost for words :doh

that's a first :laugher:

:xxparty-smiley-004:

[fred]

This is nothing personal and if I hit a little close to home, I'd love to hear your thoughts on why I'm justifiably wrong to feel the way I do.

I just moved to the UK in September 2013, and at the moment, I'm finding the culture shock a bit more than what I experienced when I moved to the US. I don't really know whether what I've seen so far are of the English culture, or local culture, or whatever. Forgive me for ranting, but I've been holding this all in for months, and I have been alone in this country with no one who understands where I'm coming from. I'd appreciate your input on a few topics.

1. Sanitation/hygiene (or the severe lack thereof)

Why do you use spit to 'clean' a smudge off skin or objects? No hand-washing, no regard for the millions of bacteria in each person's mouth, no regard for the millions of bacteria on the shoe that was just rubbed with spit.
Why don't people wash hands after using the toilet or before touching food, or after touching raw meat?
Why do people push crumbs or spilled food from the table directly on to the floor, disregarding how sticky the floor will get?

Why do people put shopping bags directly on the ground, then put them directly on the kitchen counters where you also directly prepare sandwiches and salads? I actually ended up in an ambulance and spending the night at the hospital because of the filthy food I've had to eat (couldn't refuse the sandwich without looking rude). I guess violently expelling everything in my GI tract was better than my baby getting deformed or even dying because of the nasty contaminated food. I've never been that sick before, despite coming from a farm (with no running water) in Bicol.

2. Speaking of hygiene, please don't "shift gears"

Why, oh why, do men constantly rearrange their junk??? It's disgusting and rude, and highly offensive. I can't believe the number of people I see doing this in public! Even my sister complained about this. Her office in Manila recently had an English visitor. Everyone treated the man warmly and he went out drinking with my sister's team, composed mainly of men, a few times. They let him pour everyone's shots, and shared their bar snacks with him. To everyone's extreme disgust, the last drinking night before he left, he reached into his pants, rearranged himself, and then sniffed his hand. My sister immediately commandeered the ice bucket so he wouldn't touch the tongs again, someone else took over the bottle of whatever alcohol they were drinking, and there were horrified looks exchanged all around the oblivious visitor. After a minute or so, the one gay person in the group managed to ask the guy to please go to the toilet next time he wanted to rearrange himself as it just wasn't acceptable in the Philippines to do it in public. The man had the gall to joke that sometimes men just needed to rearrange because they were sweaty and itchy.

The next day, at the airport, my sister just waved goodbye instead of shaking his hand.

Unfortunately for all the men in her team, they couldn't escape his handshake. As soon as the man had walked away and was out of earshot, every last one of them doused everything he had touched in rubbing alcohol. That is how revolting we Filipinos find crotch-grabbing. I know that even if the guy had rearranged himself through his clothes, everyone would still have found it disgusting because it was done in public.

When I was in High School, all the boys in my year avoided this one boy because he constantly rearranged himself.

No one ever high-fived him or shook his hand. This boy was a campus heartthrob, owing to his athletic skills, but the boys couldn't stand him and called him kamboy, short for kambiyo boy, whenever the girls were out of earshot (kambiyo means to shift gears). The girls in my year still don't know about this (it's been 15 years since we graduated), and I only know because I was one of the boys and witnessed everything myself. I can honestly say that "shifting gears" is one UK practice I will never stop being grossed out by. They're called private parts for a reason.

2. Waste and a "disposable" attitude, and what is it with the aversion to old things?

I'm sure you all know that Filipinos cook enough to have leftovers. We do this so that if someone drops by unexpectedly, we have enough food to share, and so that we can have leftovers the next day. From what I've seen here in the UK, anything that isn't eaten the first time around is thrown away. When my husband and I lived with my in-laws, it was a constant struggle to keep my food from being thrown away because "it's been on the counter for two hours". Bread was thrown away because someone accidentally microwaved it for more than 20 seconds. Any food that was getting close to its Best By date was thrown away, regardless of its actual condition. Even Spanish chorizo was thrown away because of the Best By date despite the fact that the damn sausage had been cured without refrigeration for much longer than the one week I had it in the fridge.

The waste I've seen doesn't stop at food. I had to fight tooth and nail to get my in-laws' 12-year-old leather sofas because my mother-in-law flatly refused to give them to me and insisted that they were going straight to the tip. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the sofas that leather cleaner and conditioner, and a needle wouldn't fix. Her excuse for mocking my desperate pleadings was that the sofas were old and she would never in a million years give me anything old. This still doesn't make sense as she goes to car boot sales every week and buys us junk that we neither want nor need but that she foists on us anyway. In any case, I've had to give up on her beautiful dining set that she really did take straight to the tip just because it was old. Fortunately for me and the sofas, my father-in-law spoke up for me and said I could have them. He doesn't need to know how many times I cried over the potential loss of good leather (my dad used to tan lambskin and sheepskin from our livestock, and my family has always had a thing for leather).

3. Bragging about "we invented the English language" while not being able to speak or spell the language

My in-laws, mostly the ones in the older generations, enjoy teasing me about my "American pronunciation". I usually have to hold my tongue and let them have their fun because as a Filipina, I'd feel terrible talking back to my elders. However, it really grates on me that the people who pick on me the most seem to have terrible diction, no clue about grammar, and worse pronunciation than even FOB Filipinos. It takes me one to two seconds to understand when people say things like "lickle" (little), "me moom" (my Mum), "'e were at the market" (He was at the market), "we was outdoors" (We were outdoors), "'e learned me me numbers" (He taught me my numbers), and "give it me" (Give it to me), to name a few. As annoying as the lack of proper grammar is, it's even worse when I get laughed at for not understanding people the first time.

The teasing has lessened since I decided to correct people's assumptions when they told me "aluminium" was the correct way to say the word and "aluminum" was the stupid American way. (Aluminum was the name the scientist who discovered the element gave it, but other people later decided to change the name to aluminium because aluminum didn't match the popular nomenclature trend of giving elements names that ended in -ium.) I guess it also helped that I've been passive-aggressively commenting to my in-laws about the terrible English of strangers I encounter while out and about.

4. Lack of knowledge regarding health

Twice during my pregnancy, my mother-in-law insisted that I sleep in the same bed as my sick husband. He only had a cold, but a simple cold in the Philippines is very different from a cold in the UK. Ours don't include coughs, headaches, nausea, or achy joints. When my father-in-law suggested my husband sleep on the sofa and I told my mother-in-law that a cold would make my asthma worse, she went all "over my dead body" on everyone, and told me that viruses were just one of the things families shared. I was pregnant and had just moved over, so I had no antibodies yet for the specific strains of cold viruses my husband had. Seriously, who in their right mind forces a pregnant woman to get sick?? Maybe it's just because my family is chockful of doctors, medical workers, and scientists, but I have always known that you do not play with the health of a pregnant woman. The second time she made me sleep in the same bed as my sick husband, I actually was sick for two weeks, and I almost whipped out my credit card and bought a plane ticket home. I was this close to leaving my husband because it felt like he didn't even know his responsibility to protect his wife and child from harmful lunatics. I had already been suffering from mild asthma since I moved because I wasn't used to all the carpeting, and the nasty-ass English cold (and everything that came with it) just ensured that my breathing was even more laboured. Has the UK really not learned from the numerous outbreaks and epidemics throughout the centuries that when one person is sick, you're supposed to try to keep him from infecting others?

5. "That's women's work", aka How to raise men to cling to women's apron strings

In the Philippines, our women take very good care of the men. However, this does not excuse men from learning how to cook, clean, sew, and do general housework. Some men do get teased for being "under the saya", which literally translates to "under the skirt" but figuratively means "under the woman's thumb". This jest has nothing to do with the man knowing how to do housework, but everything to do with who wears the pants in the family. Now, I have just had a conversation with my husband's Nana, who confirmed my observation that boys here are not expected to help out around the house. This leads to men having absolutely no housekeeping skills. I asked Nana what happens if a bachelor loses a shirt button or needs to have a hem fixed. She just replied that he'd get his mother or some other woman to do it for him. She gave me the same answer when I asked about laundry, ironing, cooking , cleaning, and all the other things that Filipino men are expected to learn. This really strikes me as a very backward way of thinking. Why do you, the First-Worlders, have such sexist upbringings? In my family, my brother is the best sewer and the best ironer. His stitches are small and even, and when he irons, the creases are as crisp as any military uniform's. No one ever questions his masculinity just because he's also a very good cook or because when he cleans something, he always leaves it spotless. Over here though, my husband is crap at anything in the household, and isn't afraid to admit it. He can't even hold a kitchen knife properly, and when I ask him to slice something, he either uses a chopping motion (which just squashes the veg) or saws at it (which tears the meat apart). Really, why do you raise adult boys (not men) who can't do anything for themselves and who are destined to run to a woman for every little thing? Do you like being so dependent on your mothers for everything?

6. Treating adult children as if they were minors

Back home, if a person were at uni and still had their mother come to school to handle the enrollment or clearance paperwork, or any kind of mundane uni task, he would be teased for being a big baby who couldn't handle his own affairs. Heck, from the age of 13, I was dropped off at the school with a blank check for my tuition and told to handle my enrollment myself. None of my friends ever had their mother doing it all for them either. In contrast, my husband's auntie is currently in Newcastle and she's brought a printer and a scanner with her so she can handle all the paperwork because her 21-year-old daughter is about to finish school. Is this because of a lack of trust? Is this because you really do raise all your kids to be reliant on their mothers? Where's the self-reliance they should have learned by now?

Aside from doing every little thing for your kids, why are the older generation so pushy? I'm 31 years old, have been earning and budgeting my own money since I was 7, and was raised to be self-reliant in and out of the house. I know my own opinions and I know what it takes to run a household efficiently.

Unfortunately, all my older generation female in-laws seem to think I'm 6 and have no mind. I constantly have to field unsolicited advice, and I'm really starting to hate all the pushiness. My husband and I have been living in our own home since March, and at least three days in a week, I have to endure my in-laws trying to force me to arrange my house their way or do tasks their (inefficient) way. It's just the women though. I have had absolutely no trouble from the men. They seem to be resigned to letting the women have their way all the time. What is it with the women in your country treating everyone like children, and why don't the men ever speak up??

Okay, my rant's over. I still don't get the UK. I'm not adjusting as well as I'd like to. My family back home is livid that I'm "being poisoned" and am being treated like a child. I really want to know whether all these things are a UK thing, or that I just have weird in-laws, or that these are a Northwest England thing.

Can anyone shed some light on some of the cultural differences I've just mentioned? I'm really missing home because all I can see about the people here are that they are unsanitary, cross-contaminating, wasteful, pushy, and their ideas about health are stuck in the Dark Ages. Still can't believe I'm the Third-Worlder and I'm the only one who seems to see the problem.

Damn!!!...So glad I aint married to you!!!!
No offence huh!!

[Terpe]

On culture shock, horror, and disgust: Some of the emotions from which I'm still reeling...

Everyone's entitled to a rant. Yours was an interesting and imaginatively well written and one which I really enjoyed reading....so big thanks for that.

It's so true that there many cultural and regional differences on our planet.....we are not at all homogeneous in cultures, etiquettes and taboos.
We need to also be 'sensitive' to the personal cultures of individuals.

I have lived alone in many different countries, my wife and I have lived together in 3 different cultures...Philippines, Japan and UK

We try to take everything in our stride whenever we can and we try hard not to offend or to show we are offended.
However much we like to think we are all humans living together in a kind of 'global village' nothing could be further from the truth.

I believe that some of things you mention (especially in terms of hygiene and 'gear shifting') comes down to an individuals poor awareness and general respect.

Nice post and some valid points.

[joebloggs]

Damn!!!...So glad I aint married to you!!!!
No offence huh!!


Being from the north west I'm too polite to say that Fred :Help1:

Being from the northwest, I do most of the housework and work, the misses does a bit but she works harder and longer hours than me :wink:

When i was 11 I got my own breakfast, got dressed and walked a couple of miles to school everyday, no mummy holding my hand :NoNo:

as for hygiene ..
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/09/18/germiest-things-phones-toilet-seat_n_3948311.html

Maybe it's taking you longer to adjust, just go easy and I'm sure things will get better for you :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Arthur Little]

. Yours was an interesting and imaginatively well written and one which I really enjoyed reading....so big thanks for that.

:iagree:, Peter! Perfectly *written (:icon_sorry: - *typed!) grammatically; also, punctuated and spelt ... to a highly-commendable standard that would put many native Brits to shame and, in each of those three senses,
a rareity nowadays. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[les_taxi]

This rant had made Dedworth look like a pussy :icon_lol:

[Michael Parnham]

FAO The Originator of This Thread

:sorry-2: ... 'fraid I don't know your Christian name in order to be able to address you by it. But can I just say, what a truly SPLENDID opening post of yours this is ... you've managed to "hit the nail :action-smiley-060: on the head" in so many aspects of human nature that ought to concern each & every self~respecting individual worldwide!

Moreover, I greatly appreciate BOTH the time and effort you've put into sharing your observations with us. :thankyou:
I'll second that Arthur, a remarkable young lady to say the least! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Michael Parnham]

I enjoyed this post because as I was reading it, it was just like listening to my Maritess!

[les_taxi]

Right had to speak up - I disagree with nearly all the members on here praising this post :yikes:

It is well written and concise but my god, moan, moan, moan.

If I was to complain about the Philippines I would be lambasted on here and told I don't have to go, it's my choice.

I will mention a couple of things - one, the sanitation is disgusting, even the malls - having to rush to a proper loo in a well known mall, I was horrified to find no toilet paper anywhere and filipinos having a poo and not even washing their hands :omg:

The food is bloody awful most of it, chickens before they are even born, stinky fish everywhere - hey lets eat it's eyes yum yum :yikes:

That's all I'm going to say as I actually love the Philippines and learnt to adapt when there. Never slagged it off!

Generalising to that extent is over the top and it sounds to me like the lady has real issues - perhaps a bit OCD - and not willing to adapt to a new country, in laws and way of life.

[Michael Parnham]

Right had to speak up - I disagree with nearly all the members on here praising this post :yikes:

It is well written and concise but my god moan, moan, moan.

If I was to complain about the Philippines i would be lambasted on here and told I don't have to go it's my choice.

I will mention a couple of things - one, the sanitation is disgusting, even the malls, having to rush to a proper loo in a well known mall, I was horrified to find no toilet paper anywhere and filipinos having a poo and not even washing their hands :omg:

The food bloody awful most of it, chickens before they are even born, stinky fish everywhere - hey let's eat its eyes yum yum :yikes:

That's all I'm going to say as I actually love the Philippines and learnt to adapt when there. Never slagged it off!

Generalising to that extent is over the top and it sounds like to me the lady has real issues - perhaps a bit ocd - and not willing to adapt to new country, in laws and way of life.

I understand exactly what your saying Les, but the lady isn't really having a moan. I think she's looking for answers and hoping our comments will throw some light on the things she's put to us. If you want to hear a moan about Filipinos, what about bad manners, I could give you a couple of reasons for me bringing that up! :Erm:

[Dedworth]

This rant had made Dedworth look like a pussy :icon_lol:

I don't like cats except this sort :biggrin:

http://www.cartoonscrapbook.com/01pics-L/top-cat_L13.jpg

http://www.virginmedia.com/images/tom-jerry-trivia-chase-431x300.jpg

[joebloggs]

The food bloody awful most of it, chickens before they are even born, stinky fish everywhere - hey let's eat its eyes yum yum :yikes:

That's all I'm going to say as I actually love the Philippines and learnt to adapt when there. Never slagged it off!

Generalising to that extent is over the top and it sounds like to me the lady has real issues - perhaps a bit OCD and not willing to adapt to new country, in laws and way of life.

I wonder if they have food safety inspectors in the phils :Erm:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2631997/Marco-Pierre-Whites-four-star-Birmingham-steakhouse-given-ZERO-rating-food-safety-inspectors.html

[les_taxi]

I think the lady is seriously missing home - and fair enough - but it's a big generalization of how she perceives life in the UK and the balance has to be redressed.

[Michael Parnham]

I don't like cats except this sort :biggrin:

http://www.cartoonscrapbook.com/01pics-L/top-cat_L13.jpg

http://www.virginmedia.com/images/tom-jerry-trivia-chase-431x300.jpg
Top man Ded! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[les_taxi]

qxz1fuKjMr8

[Michael Parnham]

qxz1fuKjMr8

Fond memories Les! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[les_taxi]

Yes and if you remember it was always shown as 'Boss Cat' in the programme guides:Erm:

[Dedworth]

Yes and if you remember it was always shown as 'Boss Cat' in the programme guides:Erm:

Great cartoon Les I remember the name change was it to do with ITV and advertising? I'm watching in bits and bobs a backup copy of Top Cat the Movie on my phone

[Doc Alan]

Welcome to the UK and thank you for your first impressions :smile:. I’m sorry you’re finding the culture shock more than you experienced when you moved to the US.



• There isn’t a severe lack of sanitation / hygiene throughout the UK. With respect, you’re inducing generalizations from your own observations over the 8 months or so you have lived in one part of England.



• Using spit to " clean " a smudge may be aesthetically unacceptable, but saliva is an antiseptic which helps keep your mouth clean. ( Coughing up phlegm and spitting is a different matter – sputum is infected ).



• While the Philippines " Food Safety Act of 2013 " claims to " set the benchmark for food safety in various stages from the harvest to the manufacture, processing, handling, packaging, distribution, marketing, food preparation to its consumption " , food poisoning is commoner there - and may be more serious - than the UK. Here we have strict rules about preparation / handling of food, and penalties for breaking them.



• ANY severe infection a woman develops during pregnancy may result in miscarriage, but this is relatively rare.


• Food poisoning, such as listeria and salmonella; along with some infections of the blood, such as hepatitis, cytomegalovirus, human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), rubella and toxoplasmosis, CAN cause miscarriage or problems within the developing baby.


• The " food poisoning " you describe seems, unfortunately , to have been unusually severe, but thankfully with full recovery and no harm to your baby :xxgrinning--00xx3:.


• It’s true that food IS wasted in the UK - either because the " sell by " or " use by " dates ( not synonymous ) have expired, even if the food LOOKS OK. We also waste food by buying too much and having to discard it when it’s obviously inedible. However, the purpose of these dates is to prevent food poisoning which you so rightly wish to avoid.



• I’m sorry you have the impression that " shifting gears is a UK practice " , disapproved more in the Philippines than UK ; also that you think sexism is more of a problem in UK than Philippines.



• Your points about " English " grammar are well taken. There is a counter - argument that so long as the written or spoken sentences are understood, strict grammatical rules are NOT as important as they used to be. The idiom of today is the grammar of tomorrow :smile: ! However, you say " your family is chockful ( sic ) of doctors, medical workers and scientists " , and you yourself have a scientific training. Perhaps a thread such as this could have a summary of key points and conclusions for maximum impact factor :xxgrinning--00xx3: !



• " Common colds " - and more serious chest infections like influenza and TB - are similar in signs and symptoms in BOTH the UK and Philippines – if different in frequency.

There are over 200 cold viruses and several flu viruses. Infection with one results in immunity ONLY to that virus. The " flu " virus in particular changes antigenicity. This is why every year World Health Organization tries to predict which viruses to include for vaccination – the SAME ones in UK as Philippines. There is NO vaccine for the common cold, and infection from contacts at least gives natural immunity. While not to be actively encouraged - especially while pregnant - acquired natural immunity by exposure to infections at a YOUNG age ( if no vaccines are available ) is LESS risky than the same infections in later life :xxgrinning--00xx3:.



• One cause of asthma is indeed allergy to house dust mites present in carpets. At least air pollution, a major cause, especially in cities, is not so bad in UK as the Philippines. Medication is also FREE in the UK :xxgrinning--00xx3:.



• As for our ideas about health being " stuck in the Dark Ages ", there can’t be a serious comparison with life in this country over 1000 years ago :NoNo: ! Advances in public health, medical knowledge, and treatments have been huge in the past century, never mind the past millennium !


• The UK public is better informed than ever about health matters, even if they choose unhealthy lifestyles. Our life expectancy keeps increasing.

Our NHS may be imperfect, but is the envy of many, including Filipinos. As you know, understanding of illnesses and affording access to a health professional is beyond the reach of many Filipinos :doh. Here, healthcare is essentially free at the point of need. That doesn’t just include treatment of illness, but also prevention through vaccination ; early detection through screening ; and good maternity / childhood care.



I wish you, your husband, and family to be, all the best in the UK :xxgrinning--00xx3:. If you choose to stay, please follow up this thread with your impressions after, say, a year. Perhaps you could also list the good things you may discover in England, and elsewhere in the UK :smile:.

[les_taxi]

Good post Doc :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[London_Manila]

I found her post quite comical to read and it did give me a good laugh :biggrin:

She is entitled to have a good moan and its good to get things off your chest

This young lady is obviously spending too much time with the inlaws and is homesick

I am sure that if i went to live in the Philippines in some far off province
with a new wife and all her family i would have plenty to moan about

[dontpushme]

Wow, I didn't realise there'd be so many responses so soon! Thank you all for the feedback! It looks like I have a lot of answers to give so I'm gonna try to divide them into manageable chunks.

Here's what I got from you so far:

The sanitation and hygiene issue may be a family thing, but the shifting gears is definitely more widespread.

Excessive waste and a "disposable" attitude is pretty much a universal thing here.

The English language issue may be regional.

Raising boys to rely on women isn't universal so it might just be my in-laws' attitude.

The women's behavior might be age-related.

I can deal with other people shifting gears in my presence as long as they understand I will not shake their hand. I'm sure they'd have the same reaction if I suddenly scratched my armpits, sniffed my hand, then reached out for a handshake.

The waste was a big issue to me because my family was poor when I was growing up. There were times when our neighbors gave us food every day because we couldn't afford our own.

It's no longer an issue for me now as we have our own house so no one's been chucking food that I paid for with my hard-earned savings. As for the furniture, I've convinced my mother-in-law to donate certain things to charity shops. If you think the sofas I got were beaten up, I can honestly say I did a great job restoring them. Even my mother-in-law says they look like they've got a new lease of life.

To those who disagree with the things I've said, it's okay. I'm not here looking for people to agree with everything I say. I'm looking for input so I can figure out what exactly I'm dealing with. The sanitation issue is the one that REALLY bothers me and I've been doing some research these last couple of weeks so I can talk to our local MP (Jim Dobbin) and suggest possible changes to how health and sanitation are taught to school children. Who knows? Maybe the next generation won't be so complacent just because NHS care is free.

[dontpushme]

London_Manila

My accent's not actually American, as any American will tell you, but to the British ear, that's how it sounds. I've learned how to do a Filipino accent though, and I'll use it should we ever meet. It's not actually the accent I get teased about, but the pronunciation - (toh-may-toe/toh-mah-toe kind of thing).

The thing with balut is that it's a boiled egg still in its shell.
These eggs don't go uneaten for very long as they're a cheap, nutritious meal in a poor country with not-so-squeamish residents. Comparing it to a contaminated sandwich is like comparing apples to oranges. The only people who would have wanted that sandwich and the coleslaw that came with it are those who may be desperate and starving and out of options. (Warning: graphic content ahead) I was so ill after that meal that I projectile vomited all over our bedroom wall and carpet, the hospital staff and emergency responders were very concerned that I was about to miscarry, and by the end of my ordeal, my body had violently (not an exaggeration) expelled every single thing in my GI tract out of every orifice it could do so. A freshly boiled egg, as squeamish as its fetus may make you, would never cause that much damage. My midwife was so upset after reading the hospital notes that she banned me from eating anything others prepared.

Maybe my husband's cousin acts like a child, but it's the parents' job to teach responsibility. Surely, a 21-year-old should already know how to queue for a signature or to make a payment?

The sofas were worn because of lack of maintenance, but they're okay now.

The main reason I didn't want to sleep in the same bed as my husband was that I already had breathing problems from all the carpeting and a cold would have aggravated my immune system even more. Add to that the fact that my in-laws have no experience with asthma and at the time, no one in the family believed me when I said I could die from it if I wasn't careful. It took my doctor speaking up for me before anyone in the family took my concerns seriously. He actually had to explain to them that although pregnant women should never take any medicine other than paracetamol, if ever, asthma was one thing never to be taken lightly, and that I had to use my inhaler as often as needed because the impact on the baby of a lack of oxygen brought on by asthma would be far worse than the potential impact of the medication. In other words, I really needed to make sure my respiratory system was well-taken care of, and they weren't helping. Honestly, I don't know about other families in the Philippines, but in my family, anyone sick stays away from anyone pregnant.

Yes, I can service a car; I can do woodworking, plumbing, and electrical work; I can do a bit of welding; I know my animal husbandry; and I can slaughter and butcher poultry and quadrupeds if I have to. I don't expect everyone to have these skills, but to be so completely useless that one can't even boil an egg is ridiculous.

SimonH

Thanks for the correction, Simon. I just pulled that factoid off the top of my head when they picked on me because I had had enough of the pestering. I don't mind being wrong, really. I think what bothers me most about the whole English language thing is the fact that they pick on me for pronouncing words differently (toh-may-toe, to-mah-toe), but they can't even form proper sentences. Growing up both as a poor person in the backwoods of Bicol and as a government scholar in Metro Manila, I've always held the belief that if someone's not an English teacher, then he can mispronounce things as much as he wants. Alternatively, if someone's grammar sucks, he shouldn't correct others.

You know, I've tried telling them that we wanted to keep only things we liked, and that we're trying to find the right cultural balance in our home, but so far, it's only gotten me more of the same "Oh, but you should *insert hard sell here*".

I don't mind carpets. Heck, our current bedroom is carpeted. The problem was that whatever dust mites their carpets had gave me constant asthma and I always woke up in the mornings wheezing and gasping for air.

[dontpushme]

Joebloggs

Sorry about the long post. I just had to get it all out after 8 months of holding back and trying not to rock anyone's boat by questioning the way things were done.

I'm sad to say, the statistics on hand-washing in the UK are far from ideal.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19834975

No, I've never gotten ill from dodgy food in the Philippines. Before that miscarriage scare, I'd never had to stay overnight at a hospital nor ridden in an ambulance before either. The only times I'd been to the hospital before were to head to the emergency room because of my lungs closing up from a severe allergy (doctor said if we'd been 10 minutes later, I'd have died), some asthma attacks when I was a child, and the time I had to get my ACL rebuilt.

I know there are food inspectors in the Philippines, but as with all other aspects of life there, it's highly likely that greased palms aren't helping our standards of sanitation. There are certainly lots of unsanitary food handlers in the Philippines, but for the most part, they're easy to avoid.:icon_lol:

It's not so easy when the woman who prepared it is sweetly watching you and smiling while waiting for you to eat a sandwich that you witnessed being contaminated with outdoor dirt that the neighbor's dog had just been sniffing around on, rancid butter, the contents of the vac she just dismantled, and the chemicals she handled right before manhandling the unwashed lettuce and tomato in the sandwich. Yes, that really happened. I died a little with each bite, especially the last one because it was so gritty from the vac.

Lordna

I haven't tried teasing them back about not speaking the Queen's English as my husband's family has its roots in the working class. I don't think that kind of teasing would go down well. My husband does try to correct his mother when she says things like "You need to learn your baby your language." However, I don't think what he says sticks. I understand that he doesn't know either why her family has such a poor grasp of the language as they all finished high school at least.

I may need to go out and meet more people to see just how widespread the whole "women's work" thing is here. So far, the people I've met have mostly had the same attitude.

Rosie1958

Thanks, Rosie! I've had another talk with my sister, and she says that when she told a friend of hers from the South about that guest, he commented that the men from the North are more prone to "shifting gears" than those from his neck of the woods. So maybe it's a regional thing. I'll have to make sure I nip that in the bud if this baby turns out to be a son as he'll most likely be surrounded by friends who'll be doing it and who won't see anything wrong with it.

Are car boot sales more common in the North then? I notice they pop up everywhere here every Sunday morning, and there are always lots of people at the sales. My mother-in-law has gotten really great deals at these sales, but from what my brother-in-law says, she seems to have a bit of a spending habit and tends to buy all sorts of junk that gets piled up in the garage.

Equality and independence are both very important to me too. So far, my husband has learned to cook himself instant noodles, and I notice that he feels more independent now that he doesn't have to badger the women in the family when he's hungry. We're taking baby steps with the other housekeeping skills, but the bulk of the pressure on me is from my mother-in-law. She's apologised for not teaching him any of these skills (I never asked her to apologise), and also for not teaching him the value of money or how to save and budget, as well as apologising for him being a very picky eater. Now she's told me that it's my job to teach him all these life skills and to try and get him to eat more kinds of food. It makes me feel like I've been made his parent instead of his partner. My husband and I are both willing to work on these issues, but I feel it's unfair that I've been volunteered to teach him all the things that he should know by now. Oh, and his parents are younger than mine.

I have been trying not to rock the boat; I really do want my in-laws to like me. Maybe you're right and the pregnancy hormones aren't helping.:icon_lol:

[dontpushme]

Raynaputi

I don't see anything wrong with eating with your hands as long as you wash them before and after eating.

You have a point about noticing every little thing. I've noticed a lot more differences and bad habits here, but the ones I mentioned were the major ones that really bother me because of the impact they've had or are still having on my life. All the other little things can keep happening for all I care.

Imagine

Thanks for the info on the number of doors between the kitchen and the toilets. I always appreciate new knowledge.

As for washing your backside with water, everyone I know who does it uses soap, then washes their hands again afterward. Believe me, if the people you witnessed didn't use soap, it would be really hard for you to not notice the smell coming from their hands. Just as you find it disgusting that we wash with soap and water, I find it disgusting that people here don't. If, by some fluke of nature, you had poo on your arm, would you just wipe it dry with toilet roll and call it clean? No, you'd wash your arm with soap and water too. Why then do you consider it more unhygienic for someone to wash his bottom with soap than to simply wipe the area dry?

People here pee everywhere too, especially after a night out. Just last night, I opened the door for my husband as he came home from a night out with office guests. He barred me from coming out as one of the guys was peeing around the corner, even though he had told the guy he could use our toilet. I've rinsed the area with a bucket of water lest the neighbors think we've been peeing outside our own house.

I do love the people in the UK, and don't get me wrong, I'm happy most of the time. The only times I really, really miss home are when I have to say a prayer before eating a tainted meal and when my food's been thrown away again without my permission. It sucks to feel that there's no one on your side, and you're all alone in a continent far from everyone you know.

RicIre
Bravo for not really reading what the post was about, then coming in twice to make nasty comments. *slow clap*

Arthur Little

Thank you for your kind words. I thought I had mentioned my name before, but that might have been years ago. I'm Denise, and I had enough time last night to compose a really long rant.:icon_lol:

Fred

No offence taken!:icon_lol: I'm sure I'm glad you didn't marry me either!

Terpe

Thank you. What really confused me about some of the behaviors and attitudes I'd observed was that whenever I (tactfully) asked about any of them, I was told that it was just the way things were done here. I do find it hard to believe that the UK could be a nation of slobs and mamas' boys, but not getting the bigger context didn't help.

Michael Parnham

I'll take that as a compliment, Michael. Thank you! Sorry if you felt that you suddenly had one more woman ranting at you.

Les_taxi

I've never lambasted anyone for making valid complaints about the Philippines and Filipinos. Please, if you have complaints or questions, I'd love to discuss them with you.

The Philippines is a poor country where the most desperately needed aid includes soap and toothpaste. Unfortunately, expecting that malls can afford to have their toilet rolls and hand soap stolen all the time is a little unrealistic. As for not washing their hands, I've never actually been to any malls where the people don't wash their hands after pooing. Where exactly have you been hanging out?

You're certainly entitled to feel squeamish about our food, but I understand that after the Great Depression and after the two world wars, people here in the UK also ate fish heads and offal. That practice, although now embraced in most of the world as "eating local delicacies", originated from a lack of resources and maybe to a certain extent, desperation for food. It sounds like you've never had a lack of resources in your life as you seem to never have had to eat anything other than top shelf material. All I can say is that if the food is prepared in a sanitary way, then I have no qualms eating it.

I did mention in my post that I really needed input and I wasn't just having a crack at your country, right? *checks original post* Yep, I did.

[dontpushme]

Doc Alan

Thanks! I really am trying to fit in, and I really do think the people here are kind and thoughtful. It's only the sanitation/hygiene and waste that I still find hard not to react to. I've never had a poker face, and people can usually read me like a book, so trying to keep others from knowing I see something wrong is never gonna work. However, getting the bigger picture will help me understand which issues I can let go of and which to fight for.

It sounds like the sanitation issue may be more common in some parts of the country than in others. I've been in toilets in several stores, malls, theatres, and markets in Manchester, Oldham, Rochdale, and other nearby areas whose names escape me at the moment. One of the things I've noticed is that less than half of the women in the toilets with me actually wash their hands, even though there's always free soap and a hand dryer. The more common practice seems to be to wet their hands for half a second, then use the dryer for maybe three seconds, then walk out. I could understand that practice if there were no soap, but there's an abundance of the stuff everywhere. Maybe, as you say, it's more regional.

Yes, saliva is an antiseptic in the mouth, and I do know of the emergency practice of sucking on a wound or cut, but when you wipe it on someone else's face, that saliva doesn't stay antiseptic. I've never liked the smell of rancid spit, and I'm most likely never going to learn to like it.

As regards the Food Safety Acts, I have no doubt that the majority of restaurants here in the UK are cleaner than those in the Philippines, but what I asked about was food safety in the home. That's why I want to talk to our MP about health and sanitation lessons in school.

Yes, I was worried about listeria on the day I had to eat what I surmised was another tainted meal. So were the doctor, the emergency responders, and my midwife. I have now been banned from eating anything other people prepare. And I'm glad too that there was no permanent harm done to the baby.

I could've done without all the pain and panic, but I think my husband looked a lot worse off than I did the next morning. :icon_lol: After all, he was up almost the entire night cleaning up the mess I had made and worrying about me and the baby.

On another positive note, before the hospitalisation, I was very concerned about getting asthma because my doctor said he couldn't prescribe salbutamol nebules as people here have been known in the past to abuse or misuse them. He said my only option if I had a really bad asthma attack was to call an ambulance. The hospitalisation allowed me to time the emergency responders both on their way to our house and on the way to the hospital.

You have a great point about 'Sell By' and 'Use By' dates, but I think they would be a lot more effective if people didn't rely so completely on them. So far, I've had fruits and veg from Tesco that were mouldy one or two days before the 'Use By' dates, and I've also had eggs that were still good two weeks after the 'Use By' dates. Relying on some estimated date isn't helping anyone. I've talked to several people about that, and they all agree that it would be more helpful if people knew what to look for when checking for freshness and viability in their food.

However, no one seems to want to do anything about the lack of knowledge (or practice). I personally don't rely on 'Use By' dates, and I've never made anyone ill.

As I explained, my issue was not that they had terrible grammar, it was that they continually picked on me for my perfectly acceptable pronunciation while they had terrible grammar.

Maybe it's just my mother-in-law's definition of a cold that's different then. According to her, a cold includes a runny or blocked nose, a splitting headache, a cough, and maybe a sore throat and a slight fever, and achy joints. That's not the definition of a 'common cold' as I know it. I know there's no vaccine for these viruses, and I know that there are hundreds of kinds of them. We also expose our kids to bacteria and viruses in the Philippines to build up their immunity. What really made me want to scream in frustration was that my in-laws were ignoring my ongoing asthma from their carpets and the fact that aggravating my condition while I was pregnant was definitely not "something wives have to do after they get married". My family has always avoided carpets because many of us have ended up in the emergency room at one point or another due to asthma.

You're right about medical advancements and more capable health professionals. I guess the problem I have really is about people choosing to ignore the NHS' advice on sanitation and hygiene. I just can't fathom why anyone would choose to feed their family contaminated food and choose to make people sick when so many others around the world die of completely preventable medical and sanitation causes.

Then again, as you said, the NHS is free. Could the choice to be so cavalier with people's health be impacted in part by the idea that it's okay to get sick since NHS care and medication doesn't cost anything? Are these people complacent because of a false sense of invincibility?

Before I came to the UK, I begged my husband to move to the Philippines instead. I really didn't want to leave my job, my family, and everything I knew to go to a place where, if things were to go awry, I had no one on my side. I told him I'd give the UK five years, and we'd talk again to decide whether to stay or to move elsewhere. I guess that condition has been hanging over our heads and contributes to my focusing on the negative things I've seen. I'm sure Rosie's also right that my pregnancy hormones aren't helping any. Just to put people's minds at ease, I do like the UK on most days. The people are gracious, friendly, and generous. The rolling hills are beautiful, and there are so many new things to try.

Thanks again for all the feedback! I appreciate everyone's responses. :hugx: It makes me feel better knowing that not all the negative things I've seen are "just the way we do things here". I think I have a better idea of which of the issues are small (i.e., just in my husband's family), and which are a bit bigger and harder to fix. I'd better go to bed before my husband comes downstairs and drags me away from the computer.

[tiger31]

I am with fred thank the lord I never married you .

[Michael Parnham]

I've never witnessed shifting gears in my life or ever heard the words shifting gears used in that way!:Erm:

[Michael Parnham]

My wife isn't ranting at me, it's just that she ask's lots of questions and talks to me a lot about most of the things you mention and I suppose that's the best way to learn things about a different culture, you are right about all the things you mention, but it only applies to a minority. Great post!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[les_taxi]

Well, I have to say you are an extremely intelligent woman :xxgrinning--00xx3:

You have answered the points put to you very well indeed. My
only criticism would be maybe you set standards too high in your life and maybe if you lower your expectations a bit life in the UK would be more enjoyable :xxgrinning--00xx3:

You have impressed me tho :smile:

[RicIre]

I am with fred thank the lord I never married you .

+1

:xxparty-smiley-004:

[dontpushme]

Thank you, les and Michael. Maybe my standards are a bit high. It's just that lack hygiene and sanitation kills millions of people around the world, including Filipinos. Wasting food is also something that people in most countries can't afford to do. It's almost physically painful to me to see people with so many resources just wasting things left and right, and taking their health or sanitation for granted. When I used to volunteer at one of the slums in Manila, many of the families I worked with had to scrounge in garbage just to find scraps they could feed their kids. They knew the food was dirty and they knew the risk they took with each meal, but they had no choice. Growing up, I also knew people who couldn't afford soap. They washed with water whenever they could, but soap was too precious a commodity to use every day. I think the social issues I was exposed to growing up may be a big factor in my response to the cultural differences.

With all due respect to Fred, Ric, and tiger, you're all way too old for me and the chances of us getting married had we all still been single are as close to null as you can imagine.:doh But go ahead and keep patting yourselves on the back for being so lucky. To each his/her own, eh? :Hellooo:

[aprilmaejon]

This is nothing personal and if I hit a little close to home, I'd love to hear your thoughts on why I'm justifiably wrong to feel the way I do.

I just moved to the UK in September 2013, and at the moment, I'm finding the culture shock a bit more than what I experienced when I moved to the US. I don't really know whether what I've seen so far are of the English culture, or local culture, or whatever. Forgive me for ranting, but I've been holding this all in for months, and I have been alone in this country with no one who understands where I'm coming from. I'd appreciate your input on a few topics.

1. Sanitation/hygiene (or the severe lack thereof)

Why do you use spit to 'clean' a smudge off skin or objects? No hand-washing, no regard for the millions of bacteria in each person's mouth, no regard for the millions of bacteria on the shoe that was just rubbed with spit.
Why don't people wash hands after using the toilet or before touching food, or after touching raw meat?
Why do people push crumbs or spilled food from the table directly on to the floor, disregarding how sticky the floor will get?

Why do people put shopping bags directly on the ground, then put them directly on the kitchen counters where you also directly prepare sandwiches and salads? I actually ended up in an ambulance and spending the night at the hospital because of the filthy food I've had to eat (couldn't refuse the sandwich without looking rude). I guess violently expelling everything in my GI tract was better than my baby getting deformed or even dying because of the nasty contaminated food. I've never been that sick before, despite coming from a farm (with no running water) in Bicol.

2. Speaking of hygiene, please don't "shift gears"

Why, oh why, do men constantly rearrange their junk??? It's disgusting and rude, and highly offensive. I can't believe the number of people I see doing this in public! Even my sister complained about this. Her office in Manila recently had an English visitor. Everyone treated the man warmly and he went out drinking with my sister's team, composed mainly of men, a few times. They let him pour everyone's shots, and shared their bar snacks with him. To everyone's extreme disgust, the last drinking night before he left, he reached into his pants, rearranged himself, and then sniffed his hand. My sister immediately commandeered the ice bucket so he wouldn't touch the tongs again, someone else took over the bottle of whatever alcohol they were drinking, and there were horrified looks exchanged all around the oblivious visitor. After a minute or so, the one gay person in the group managed to ask the guy to please go to the toilet next time he wanted to rearrange himself as it just wasn't acceptable in the Philippines to do it in public. The man had the gall to joke that sometimes men just needed to rearrange because they were sweaty and itchy.

The next day, at the airport, my sister just waved goodbye instead of shaking his hand.

Unfortunately for all the men in her team, they couldn't escape his handshake. As soon as the man had walked away and was out of earshot, every last one of them doused everything he had touched in rubbing alcohol. That is how revolting we Filipinos find crotch-grabbing. I know that even if the guy had rearranged himself through his clothes, everyone would still have found it disgusting because it was done in public.

When I was in High School, all the boys in my year avoided this one boy because he constantly rearranged himself.

No one ever high-fived him or shook his hand. This boy was a campus heartthrob, owing to his athletic skills, but the boys couldn't stand him and called him kamboy, short for kambiyo boy, whenever the girls were out of earshot (kambiyo means to shift gears). The girls in my year still don't know about this (it's been 15 years since we graduated), and I only know because I was one of the boys and witnessed everything myself. I can honestly say that "shifting gears" is one UK practice I will never stop being grossed out by. They're called private parts for a reason.

2. Waste and a "disposable" attitude, and what is it with the aversion to old things?

I'm sure you all know that Filipinos cook enough to have leftovers. We do this so that if someone drops by unexpectedly, we have enough food to share, and so that we can have leftovers the next day. From what I've seen here in the UK, anything that isn't eaten the first time around is thrown away. When my husband and I lived with my in-laws, it was a constant struggle to keep my food from being thrown away because "it's been on the counter for two hours". Bread was thrown away because someone accidentally microwaved it for more than 20 seconds. Any food that was getting close to its Best By date was thrown away, regardless of its actual condition. Even Spanish chorizo was thrown away because of the Best By date despite the fact that the damn sausage had been cured without refrigeration for much longer than the one week I had it in the fridge.

The waste I've seen doesn't stop at food. I had to fight tooth and nail to get my in-laws' 12-year-old leather sofas because my mother-in-law flatly refused to give them to me and insisted that they were going straight to the tip. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the sofas that leather cleaner and conditioner, and a needle wouldn't fix. Her excuse for mocking my desperate pleadings was that the sofas were old and she would never in a million years give me anything old. This still doesn't make sense as she goes to car boot sales every week and buys us junk that we neither want nor need but that she foists on us anyway. In any case, I've had to give up on her beautiful dining set that she really did take straight to the tip just because it was old. Fortunately for me and the sofas, my father-in-law spoke up for me and said I could have them. He doesn't need to know how many times I cried over the potential loss of good leather (my dad used to tan lambskin and sheepskin from our livestock, and my family has always had a thing for leather).

3. Bragging about "we invented the English language" while not being able to speak or spell the language

My in-laws, mostly the ones in the older generations, enjoy teasing me about my "American pronunciation". I usually have to hold my tongue and let them have their fun because as a Filipina, I'd feel terrible talking back to my elders. However, it really grates on me that the people who pick on me the most seem to have terrible diction, no clue about grammar, and worse pronunciation than even FOB Filipinos. It takes me one to two seconds to understand when people say things like "lickle" (little), "me moom" (my Mum), "'e were at the market" (He was at the market), "we was outdoors" (We were outdoors), "'e learned me me numbers" (He taught me my numbers), and "give it me" (Give it to me), to name a few. As annoying as the lack of proper grammar is, it's even worse when I get laughed at for not understanding people the first time.

The teasing has lessened since I decided to correct people's assumptions when they told me "aluminium" was the correct way to say the word and "aluminum" was the stupid American way. (Aluminum was the name the scientist who discovered the element gave it, but other people later decided to change the name to aluminium because aluminum didn't match the popular nomenclature trend of giving elements names that ended in -ium.) I guess it also helped that I've been passive-aggressively commenting to my in-laws about the terrible English of strangers I encounter while out and about.

4. Lack of knowledge regarding health

Twice during my pregnancy, my mother-in-law insisted that I sleep in the same bed as my sick husband. He only had a cold, but a simple cold in the Philippines is very different from a cold in the UK. Ours don't include coughs, headaches, nausea, or achy joints. When my father-in-law suggested my husband sleep on the sofa and I told my mother-in-law that a cold would make my asthma worse, she went all "over my dead body" on everyone, and told me that viruses were just one of the things families shared. I was pregnant and had just moved over, so I had no antibodies yet for the specific strains of cold viruses my husband had. Seriously, who in their right mind forces a pregnant woman to get sick?? Maybe it's just because my family is chockful of doctors, medical workers, and scientists, but I have always known that you do not play with the health of a pregnant woman. The second time she made me sleep in the same bed as my sick husband, I actually was sick for two weeks, and I almost whipped out my credit card and bought a plane ticket home. I was this close to leaving my husband because it felt like he didn't even know his responsibility to protect his wife and child from harmful lunatics. I had already been suffering from mild asthma since I moved because I wasn't used to all the carpeting, and the nasty-ass English cold (and everything that came with it) just ensured that my breathing was even more laboured. Has the UK really not learned from the numerous outbreaks and epidemics throughout the centuries that when one person is sick, you're supposed to try to keep him from infecting others?

5. "That's women's work", aka How to raise men to cling to women's apron strings

In the Philippines, our women take very good care of the men. However, this does not excuse men from learning how to cook, clean, sew, and do general housework. Some men do get teased for being "under the saya", which literally translates to "under the skirt" but figuratively means "under the woman's thumb". This jest has nothing to do with the man knowing how to do housework, but everything to do with who wears the pants in the family. Now, I have just had a conversation with my husband's Nana, who confirmed my observation that boys here are not expected to help out around the house. This leads to men having absolutely no housekeeping skills. I asked Nana what happens if a bachelor loses a shirt button or needs to have a hem fixed. She just replied that he'd get his mother or some other woman to do it for him. She gave me the same answer when I asked about laundry, ironing, cooking , cleaning, and all the other things that Filipino men are expected to learn. This really strikes me as a very backward way of thinking. Why do you, the First-Worlders, have such sexist upbringings? In my family, my brother is the best sewer and the best ironer. His stitches are small and even, and when he irons, the creases are as crisp as any military uniform's. No one ever questions his masculinity just because he's also a very good cook or because when he cleans something, he always leaves it spotless. Over here though, my husband is crap at anything in the household, and isn't afraid to admit it. He can't even hold a kitchen knife properly, and when I ask him to slice something, he either uses a chopping motion (which just squashes the veg) or saws at it (which tears the meat apart). Really, why do you raise adult boys (not men) who can't do anything for themselves and who are destined to run to a woman for every little thing? Do you like being so dependent on your mothers for everything?

6. Treating adult children as if they were minors

Back home, if a person were at uni and still had their mother come to school to handle the enrollment or clearance paperwork, or any kind of mundane uni task, he would be teased for being a big baby who couldn't handle his own affairs. Heck, from the age of 13, I was dropped off at the school with a blank check for my tuition and told to handle my enrollment myself. None of my friends ever had their mother doing it all for them either. In contrast, my husband's auntie is currently in Newcastle and she's brought a printer and a scanner with her so she can handle all the paperwork because her 21-year-old daughter is about to finish school. Is this because of a lack of trust? Is this because you really do raise all your kids to be reliant on their mothers? Where's the self-reliance they should have learned by now?

Aside from doing every little thing for your kids, why are the older generation so pushy? I'm 31 years old, have been earning and budgeting my own money since I was 7, and was raised to be self-reliant in and out of the house. I know my own opinions and I know what it takes to run a household efficiently.

Unfortunately, all my older generation female in-laws seem to think I'm 6 and have no mind. I constantly have to field unsolicited advice, and I'm really starting to hate all the pushiness. My husband and I have been living in our own home since March, and at least three days in a week, I have to endure my in-laws trying to force me to arrange my house their way or do tasks their (inefficient) way. It's just the women though. I have had absolutely no trouble from the men. They seem to be resigned to letting the women have their way all the time. What is it with the women in your country treating everyone like children, and why don't the men ever speak up??

Okay, my rant's over. I still don't get the UK. I'm not adjusting as well as I'd like to. My family back home is livid that I'm "being poisoned" and am being treated like a child. I really want to know whether all these things are a UK thing, or that I just have weird in-laws, or that these are a Northwest England thing.

Can anyone shed some light on some of the cultural differences I've just mentioned? I'm really missing home because all I can see about the people here are that they are unsanitary, cross-contaminating, wasteful, pushy, and their ideas about health are stuck in the Dark Ages. Still can't believe I'm the Third-Worlder and I'm the only one who seems to see the problem.

That was a loooong and brilliant post dontpushme, however I wouldn't agree to everything that you said. It sounds like you are generalising the people of the UK. I've been living in the UK not very long yet but I would say that in terms of sanitation and hygiene, not all of them are like what you mentioned above...not to brag but my husband is one of those citizens in this country that is so particular with Hygiene, Health and Sanitation. He washes his hands everytime he touches something that is undoubtedly clean... I couldn't find a single fault on him with regards to that...even my parents-in-laws and the rest of his family. If you've seen an individual or a couple or a group of English doing a bad practice for Sanitation and Hygiene, it doesn't mean that the entire UK population are the same. Each and everyone here are different in their practices and beliefs, the same as in the Philippines or anywhere in the world I would say. It really depends on the upbringing of the person.

About the English Language, my husband brags about it as well, I just laugh at him every time he does as he speaks and write good English in the first place. I couldn't blame him for bragging as he is right. If he corrects me, I accept and acknowledge it as a new thing to me.. If he misspelled a word sometimes, I correct him. So it is still a 2-way process of learning the English language. Besides, American English and British English may have lots of differences in the usage of words or spelling, but both are acceptable....(some people may have not known this due to ignorance). I actually did not know about it until I studied and took the IELTS exam. I did not also know that there are varieties of English accents, I only knew when I arrived in the UK,I find these accents a little bit funny at first but I learnt to adapt and accept it eventually. There are also people who can only Speak the language but can't spell it...true, but that is because they did not have the privilege to learn it properly or shall I say they did not finish their studies for some personal reasons.

My first months in the UK, couple of my husband's friends were laughing at my American accent, but my husband told them off and said "try to speak in Filipino first then you can laughed at April's accent". When I told my in-laws about their son's friends making funny about my accent, they said that next time I should let them speak my Filipino language first before making jokes about my English.

About household works...I do most of our household works, my husband do most of the men's work...but he does the household works as well especially if I'm having long days at work. He is a good helper. He's a Cook too, he loves cooking...soooo most of the time he does the cooking. LUCKY ME! I only cook when I am finishing early at work. His father does most of the cleaning and cooking in their own house, and my mother-in-law is lucky too... Thank goodness they trained their son very well with the housekeeping and cooking. My in-laws aren't wasteful with the food so as my husband, therefore it all depends to how the person's been brought up by their parents...so don't generalise.

Treating adult children as if they were minors? Hmmm....my mother-in-law does treat my husband as her baby still sometimes, well, he is still his baby and she loves him so much so I would not take that away from her...but she does it not all the time, only when she wants to.. She can be a bit bossy and pushy sometimes but we tell her in a nice way not to boss us about as we are grown ups then she will understand...and then we're good but there are really times that we need a parent's guideline so we ask for their advise and they don't hesitate to give us a hand on what we going through. You may be the most independent and efficient child of your parents but you can't deny the fact that you would still need some guidelines sometimes from the elderly as they have more experiences than us. I love my in-laws and I'm lucky to have them to guide and support us in every step of our way.

I hate to say this but you are maybe just unlucky to be with people that you can't be happy with and are annoying, because of this , you are generalising everyone to be like them which you shouldn't do really. It's quite obvious that you don't get on with your mother-in-law but I want you to realise that not all mother-in-law or elderly are weird....you can find nasty in-laws anywhere in the world, even in the Philippines. Just stop generalising and try to be open-minded to everything here..there are a lot here in the UK that are good than bad.

All the things you've mentioned are not solely for UK, those characteristics or traits are worldwide...person-based, not country-based. You are holding back that's why you don't see the good stuff here....

[Trefor]

I think the main issue here is the UK environment/extended family Don't Push Me is living in. Where are you located? Some British people have never looked beyond the end of their noses and 'exotic' is a weekend in Magaluf.

There are things and practices in the Philippines which are very odd to a Westerner, most of the time we just observe and enjoy, accepting things are a bit different and won't kill us (with the exception of Balut) :omg:

[axis22]

Hi dontpushme,

Thanks for your enjoyable rant.Its always interesting to hear a different perspective from a different culture even if i dont agree with all of it.


Generally speaking we are very clean and healthy here in the uk in no small part due to our freezing winters which kill most of those nasty bacteria and perform a kind of natural sterilisation of the country.

We have low rates of food poisoning and disease and have long life expectancies.Much of what you describe is rudeness or bad manners rather than an actual health risk.

However what kind of family would give a filthy sandwich to a pregnant woman ? Shocked to read that to be honest.Are they completely ignorant i am left wondering..
Perhaps your paranoia is in part justified due to the circumstances in which you are living,you clearly have some serious health issues too so everything should be done to adress the safety issues you have,if that means removing all the carpets then so be it,asthma is a very serious condition and i imagine waking up "fighting for breath" must have been quite terrifying for you.Maybe you could give some health literature on your condition to the family so they are better educated about it.

all the best :smile:

[aprilmaejon]

The main problem is your husband's family, female in-law to be specific, not the UK dontpushme. Based on your statements above, she really sounds like an awkward and ignorant woman. I'm sorry to say. You better off educating her.

[dontpushme]

Thanks for the input, april, Trefor, and axis. You're right. After I read everyone's take on the issues with which I'd been dealing, I believe now that much of the problem is with my in-laws rather than with the broader culture in general. I mentioned in one of my replies that I just kept being told that everything I observed was just "the way things are done here", and that's what gave me the impression that the issues were cultural. Thankfully, I know now that "here" doesn't necessarily apply to most people. I'd been looking for context and input from other parts of the country, and that's exactly what I got on this forum.
The funny thing is, I do actually get along with my mother-in-law. The frustration built up for me because as sweet as she is, I always end up trying to sugarcoat things when I talk to her. At the moment, she has absolutely no idea of the horror I've felt for her food or her crazy ideas about making pregnant women sick. I've found a work-around anyway. Every time we eat at her house these days, I follow her into the kitchen "to help" and make sure I prepare my own meal.

[Trefor]

I strongly suggest you and your husband get your own place. It can't be healthy for you living under the same roof. Even if it means a small flat, you will have control over your own lives then.

[Michael Parnham]

Well Denise I think you handled all the criticism very well indeed and long term I think you will fit in very well in the UK. I would like to say I for one am pleased that you joined this forum and I'm sure that some other members feel the same, your like a breath of fresh air and I hope we have helped your summing up of our culture! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[dontpushme]

Yeah, we have our own house now. It took us a while to find one we liked, but the relief has been worth it!

I appreciate the kind words, Michael. TBH, when I first joined the forum, I wasn't sure I'd stay. However, I really have enjoyed the banter, discussions, and camaraderie here.

[Dedworth]

I strongly suggest you and your husband get your own place. It can't be healthy for you living under the same roof. Even if it means a small flat, you will have control over your own lives then.

Looks like they have :biggrin: :-


My husband and I have been living in our own home since March

[RicIre]

With all due respect to Fred, Ric, and tiger, you're all way too old for me and the chances of us getting married had we all still been single are as close to null as you can imagine.:doh But go ahead and keep patting yourselves on the back for being so lucky. To each his/her own, eh? :Hellooo:

Not old according to this thread though >

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php/45041-Age-difference

:icon_lol:

[SimonH]

Not old according to this thread though >

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php/45041-Age-difference

:icon_lol:


Let's not turn this into a slanging match :NoNo:

dontpushme said "with all due respect" and that you'd be too old for her :wink: Perfectly polite and eloquent retaliation for what you initially said :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I'm sure no-one is trying to cause offence :ReadIt:

[RicIre]

Let's not turn this into a slanging match :NoNo:

dontpushme said "with all due respect" and that you'd be too old for her :wink: Perfectly polite and eloquent retaliation for what you initially said :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I'm sure no-one is trying to cause offence :ReadIt:

Exactly, it's silly when people start generalizing. Anyway I'll leave this thread now :xxparty-smiley-004:

:Sex:

[Trefor]

Looks like they have :biggrin: :-


My husband and I have been living in our own home since March,

I missed that :smile:

dontpushme - just create your own mini-world and ignore the in-laws.

[dontpushme]

I missed that :smile:

dontpushme - just create your own mini-world and ignore the in-laws.

That's alright! IT happens to the best of us.


Exactly, it's silly when people start generalizing. Anyway I'll leave this thread now :xxparty-smiley-004:

:Sex:

I was trying to address your comments without stooping to your level.

However, you give me no choice. My husband joined this forum before I did. Sadly, he has long since stopped coming back because, in his opinion, the men here don't want women they can't cow. I don't necessarily agree with him as I've had many fruitful debates and discussions with so many of the wonderful men here through the years.

Unfortunately, there are times when bad apples like you prove my husband right. You've done nothing to further the discussion on this thread, you've come in several times just to post nasty comments and personal jabs, and you've been a complete ass this whole time. Of your 39 measly forum posts since joining last year, 7 were nasty comments on this thread.

Thanks for spending about a fifth of your time on my thread. This discussion obviously means that much to you. Now I would thank you, sir, to go away and harass someone else.

[lordna]

That's alright! IT happens to the best of us.



I was trying to address your comments without stooping to your level.

However, you give me no choice. My husband joined this forum before I did. Sadly, he has long since stopped coming back because, in his opinion, the men here don't want women they can't cow. I don't necessarily agree with him as I've had many fruitful debates and discussions with so many of the wonderful men here through the years.

Unfortunately, there are times when bad apples like you prove my husband right. You've done nothing to further the discussion on this thread, you've come in several times just to post nasty comments and personal jabs, and you've been a complete ass this whole time. Of your 39 measly forum posts since joining last year, 7 were nasty comments on this thread.

Thanks for spending about a fifth of your time on my thread. This discussion obviously means that much to you. Now I would thank you, sir, to go away and harass someone else.

Well said!

[dontpushme]

To everyone else, I would like to apologise and assure you that I see nothing wrong with age gaps between loving partners. Like I said, to each his/her own. Just because my age gap limit is a maximum of five years doesn't mean there aren't myriad women out there open to much wider gaps.

[Michael Parnham]

That's alright! IT happens to the best of us.



I was trying to address your comments without stooping to your level. However, you give me no choice. My husband joined this forum before I did. Sadly, he has long since stopped coming back because, in his opinion, the men here don't want women they can't cow. I don't necessarily agree with him as I've had many fruitful debates and discussions with so many of the wonderful men here through the years. Unfortunately, there are times when bad apples like you prove my husband right. You've done nothing to further the discussion on this thread, you've come in several times just to post nasty comments and personal jabs, and you've been a complete ass this whole time. Of your 39 measly forum posts since joining last year, 7 were nasty comments on this thread. Thanks for spending about a fifth of your time on my thread. This discussion obviously means that much to you. Now I would thank you, sir, to go away and harass someone else.

Well RicIre, retire! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[SimonH]

Well RicIre, retire! :xxgrinning--00xx3:


or maybe RetIre :Erm:

[Arthur Little]

I've never witnessed shifting gears in my life or ever heard the words shifting gears used in that way!:Erm:

Tbh, Michael ... I'd never even heard the expression used in relation to "adjusting one's privates" :innocent1: until I :ReadIt:on this thread!

[dontpushme]

Tbh, Michael ... I'd never even heard the expression used in relation to "adjusting one's privates" :innocent1: until I :ReadIt: on this thread!

Oh goodness! I don't blame either of you. The only times I've ever heard that term used for that action was with my high school buddies. If you think about it though, the term makes sense.

[Michael Parnham]

Oh goodness! I don't blame either of you. The only times I've ever heard that term used for that action was with my high school buddies. If you think about it though, the term makes sense.

Made me :smile:! :biggrin::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[FilipinaDiver]

Oh goodness! I don't blame either of you. The only times I've ever heard that term used for that action was with my high school buddies. If you think about it though, the term makes sense.

I have once used that term to a doctor colleague of mine, he is Muslim and I just got tired seeing him changing gears. I caught him at the start of a 12 hour shift and it just ruins your day so shouted at him cheekily "Doc, is that 4th gear?" Lo and behold he turned pink like a lobster.

[Arthur Little]

Oh goodness! I don't blame either of you. The only times I've ever heard that term used for that action was with my high school buddies. If you think about it though, the term makes sense.

:gp: ... it does, Denise - having thought about it - :iagree:!

[dontpushme]

I have once used that term to a doctor colleague of mine, he is Muslim and I just got tired seeing him changing gears. I caught him at the start of a 12 hour shift and it just ruins your day so shouted at him cheekily "Doc, is that 4th gear?" Lo and behold he turned pink like a lobster.

HAHAHAHAHA!:laugher: That just cracked me up! I wish I had the gumption to try a line like that the next time someone does it in my presence.

[sars_notd_virus]

This is nothing personal and if I hit a little close to home, I'd love to hear your thoughts on why I'm justifiably wrong to feel the way I do.

I just moved to the UK in September 2013, and at the moment, I'm finding the culture shock a bit more than what I experienced when I moved to the US. I don't really know whether what I've seen so far are of the English culture, or local culture, or whatever. Forgive me for ranting, but I've been holding this all in for months, and I have been alone in this country with no one who understands where I'm coming from. I'd appreciate your input on a few topics.

1. Sanitation/hygiene (or the severe lack thereof)

Why do you use spit to 'clean' a smudge off skin or objects? No hand-washing, no regard for the millions of bacteria in each person's mouth, no regard for the millions of bacteria on the shoe that was just rubbed with spit.
Why don't people wash hands after using the toilet or before touching food, or after touching raw meat?
Why do people push crumbs or spilled food from the table directly on to the floor, disregarding how sticky the floor will get?

Why do people put shopping bags directly on the ground, then put them directly on the kitchen counters where you also directly prepare sandwiches and salads? I actually ended up in an ambulance and spending the night at the hospital because of the filthy food I've had to eat (couldn't refuse the sandwich without looking rude). I guess violently expelling everything in my GI tract was better than my baby getting deformed or even dying because of the nasty contaminated food. I've never been that sick before, despite coming from a farm (with no running water) in Bicol.

2. Speaking of hygiene, please don't "shift gears"

Why, oh why, do men constantly rearrange their junk??? It's disgusting and rude, and highly offensive. I can't believe the number of people I see doing this in public! Even my sister complained about this. Her office in Manila recently had an English visitor. Everyone treated the man warmly and he went out drinking with my sister's team, composed mainly of men, a few times. They let him pour everyone's shots, and shared their bar snacks with him. To everyone's extreme disgust, the last drinking night before he left, he reached into his pants, rearranged himself, and then sniffed his hand. My sister immediately commandeered the ice bucket so he wouldn't touch the tongs again, someone else took over the bottle of whatever alcohol they were drinking, and there were horrified looks exchanged all around the oblivious visitor. After a minute or so, the one gay person in the group managed to ask the guy to please go to the toilet next time he wanted to rearrange himself as it just wasn't acceptable in the Philippines to do it in public. The man had the gall to joke that sometimes men just needed to rearrange because they were sweaty and itchy.

The next day, at the airport, my sister just waved goodbye instead of shaking his hand.

Unfortunately for all the men in her team, they couldn't escape his handshake. As soon as the man had walked away and was out of earshot, every last one of them doused everything he had touched in rubbing alcohol. That is how revolting we Filipinos find crotch-grabbing. I know that even if the guy had rearranged himself through his clothes, everyone would still have found it disgusting because it was done in public.

When I was in High School, all the boys in my year avoided this one boy because he constantly rearranged himself.

No one ever high-fived him or shook his hand. This boy was a campus heartthrob, owing to his athletic skills, but the boys couldn't stand him and called him kamboy, short for kambiyo boy, whenever the girls were out of earshot (kambiyo means to shift gears). The girls in my year still don't know about this (it's been 15 years since we graduated), and I only know because I was one of the boys and witnessed everything myself. I can honestly say that "shifting gears" is one UK practice I will never stop being grossed out by. They're called private parts for a reason.

2. Waste and a "disposable" attitude, and what is it with the aversion to old things?

I'm sure you all know that Filipinos cook enough to have leftovers. We do this so that if someone drops by unexpectedly, we have enough food to share, and so that we can have leftovers the next day. From what I've seen here in the UK, anything that isn't eaten the first time around is thrown away. When my husband and I lived with my in-laws, it was a constant struggle to keep my food from being thrown away because "it's been on the counter for two hours". Bread was thrown away because someone accidentally microwaved it for more than 20 seconds. Any food that was getting close to its Best By date was thrown away, regardless of its actual condition. Even Spanish chorizo was thrown away because of the Best By date despite the fact that the damn sausage had been cured without refrigeration for much longer than the one week I had it in the fridge.

The waste I've seen doesn't stop at food. I had to fight tooth and nail to get my in-laws' 12-year-old leather sofas because my mother-in-law flatly refused to give them to me and insisted that they were going straight to the tip. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the sofas that leather cleaner and conditioner, and a needle wouldn't fix. Her excuse for mocking my desperate pleadings was that the sofas were old and she would never in a million years give me anything old. This still doesn't make sense as she goes to car boot sales every week and buys us junk that we neither want nor need but that she foists on us anyway. In any case, I've had to give up on her beautiful dining set that she really did take straight to the tip just because it was old. Fortunately for me and the sofas, my father-in-law spoke up for me and said I could have them. He doesn't need to know how many times I cried over the potential loss of good leather (my dad used to tan lambskin and sheepskin from our livestock, and my family has always had a thing for leather).

3. Bragging about "we invented the English language" while not being able to speak or spell the language

My in-laws, mostly the ones in the older generations, enjoy teasing me about my "American pronunciation". I usually have to hold my tongue and let them have their fun because as a Filipina, I'd feel terrible talking back to my elders. However, it really grates on me that the people who pick on me the most seem to have terrible diction, no clue about grammar, and worse pronunciation than even FOB Filipinos. It takes me one to two seconds to understand when people say things like "lickle" (little), "me moom" (my Mum), "'e were at the market" (He was at the market), "we was outdoors" (We were outdoors), "'e learned me me numbers" (He taught me my numbers), and "give it me" (Give it to me), to name a few. As annoying as the lack of proper grammar is, it's even worse when I get laughed at for not understanding people the first time.

The teasing has lessened since I decided to correct people's assumptions when they told me "aluminium" was the correct way to say the word and "aluminum" was the stupid American way. (Aluminum was the name the scientist who discovered the element gave it, but other people later decided to change the name to aluminium because aluminum didn't match the popular nomenclature trend of giving elements names that ended in -ium.) I guess it also helped that I've been passive-aggressively commenting to my in-laws about the terrible English of strangers I encounter while out and about.

4. Lack of knowledge regarding health

Twice during my pregnancy, my mother-in-law insisted that I sleep in the same bed as my sick husband. He only had a cold, but a simple cold in the Philippines is very different from a cold in the UK. Ours don't include coughs, headaches, nausea, or achy joints. When my father-in-law suggested my husband sleep on the sofa and I told my mother-in-law that a cold would make my asthma worse, she went all "over my dead body" on everyone, and told me that viruses were just one of the things families shared. I was pregnant and had just moved over, so I had no antibodies yet for the specific strains of cold viruses my husband had. Seriously, who in their right mind forces a pregnant woman to get sick?? Maybe it's just because my family is chockful of doctors, medical workers, and scientists, but I have always known that you do not play with the health of a pregnant woman. The second time she made me sleep in the same bed as my sick husband, I actually was sick for two weeks, and I almost whipped out my credit card and bought a plane ticket home. I was this close to leaving my husband because it felt like he didn't even know his responsibility to protect his wife and child from harmful lunatics. I had already been suffering from mild asthma since I moved because I wasn't used to all the carpeting, and the nasty-ass English cold (and everything that came with it) just ensured that my breathing was even more laboured. Has the UK really not learned from the numerous outbreaks and epidemics throughout the centuries that when one person is sick, you're supposed to try to keep him from infecting others?

5. "That's women's work", aka How to raise men to cling to women's apron strings

In the Philippines, our women take very good care of the men. However, this does not excuse men from learning how to cook, clean, sew, and do general housework. Some men do get teased for being "under the saya", which literally translates to "under the skirt" but figuratively means "under the woman's thumb". This jest has nothing to do with the man knowing how to do housework, but everything to do with who wears the pants in the family. Now, I have just had a conversation with my husband's Nana, who confirmed my observation that boys here are not expected to help out around the house. This leads to men having absolutely no housekeeping skills. I asked Nana what happens if a bachelor loses a shirt button or needs to have a hem fixed. She just replied that he'd get his mother or some other woman to do it for him. She gave me the same answer when I asked about laundry, ironing, cooking , cleaning, and all the other things that Filipino men are expected to learn. This really strikes me as a very backward way of thinking. Why do you, the First-Worlders, have such sexist upbringings? In my family, my brother is the best sewer and the best ironer. His stitches are small and even, and when he irons, the creases are as crisp as any military uniform's. No one ever questions his masculinity just because he's also a very good cook or because when he cleans something, he always leaves it spotless. Over here though, my husband is crap at anything in the household, and isn't afraid to admit it. He can't even hold a kitchen knife properly, and when I ask him to slice something, he either uses a chopping motion (which just squashes the veg) or saws at it (which tears the meat apart). Really, why do you raise adult boys (not men) who can't do anything for themselves and who are destined to run to a woman for every little thing? Do you like being so dependent on your mothers for everything?

6. Treating adult children as if they were minors

Back home, if a person were at uni and still had their mother come to school to handle the enrollment or clearance paperwork, or any kind of mundane uni task, he would be teased for being a big baby who couldn't handle his own affairs. Heck, from the age of 13, I was dropped off at the school with a blank check for my tuition and told to handle my enrollment myself. None of my friends ever had their mother doing it all for them either. In contrast, my husband's auntie is currently in Newcastle and she's brought a printer and a scanner with her so she can handle all the paperwork because her 21-year-old daughter is about to finish school. Is this because of a lack of trust? Is this because you really do raise all your kids to be reliant on their mothers? Where's the self-reliance they should have learned by now?

Aside from doing every little thing for your kids, why are the older generation so pushy? I'm 31 years old, have been earning and budgeting my own money since I was 7, and was raised to be self-reliant in and out of the house. I know my own opinions and I know what it takes to run a household efficiently.

Unfortunately, all my older generation female in-laws seem to think I'm 6 and have no mind. I constantly have to field unsolicited advice, and I'm really starting to hate all the pushiness. My husband and I have been living in our own home since March, and at least three days in a week, I have to endure my in-laws trying to force me to arrange my house their way or do tasks their (inefficient) way. It's just the women though. I have had absolutely no trouble from the men. They seem to be resigned to letting the women have their way all the time. What is it with the women in your country treating everyone like children, and why don't the men ever speak up??

Okay, my rant's over. I still don't get the UK. I'm not adjusting as well as I'd like to. My family back home is livid that I'm "being poisoned" and am being treated like a child. I really want to know whether all these things are a UK thing, or that I just have weird in-laws, or that these are a Northwest England thing.

Can anyone shed some light on some of the cultural differences I've just mentioned? I'm really missing home because all I can see about the people here are that they are unsanitary, cross-contaminating, wasteful, pushy, and their ideas about health are stuck in the Dark Ages. Still can't believe I'm the Third-Worlder and I'm the only one who seems to see the problem.

That's a big tar brush you've got!!

I don't agree with most of your post but then again that is your rant.

All I can say is, you should have a bit of knowledge of England before you come here. Anyway, give yourself a chance - if you still don't like it in more months to come, it's not a law to stay here or you can always try moving to a more affluent area. :Erm:

[gWaPito]

Right had to speak up - I disagree with nearly all the members on here praising this post :yikes:

It is well written and concise but my god, moan, moan, moan.

If I was to complain about the Philippines I would be lambasted on here and told I don't have to go, it's my choice.

I will mention a couple of things - one, the sanitation is disgusting, even the malls - having to rush to a proper loo in a well known mall, I was horrified to find no toilet paper anywhere and filipinos having a poo and not even washing their hands :omg:

The food is bloody awful most of it, chickens before they are even born, stinky fish everywhere - hey lets eat it's eyes yum yum :yikes:

That's all I'm going to say as I actually love the Philippines and learnt to adapt when there. Never slagged it off!

Generalising to that extent is over the top and it sounds to me like the lady has real issues - perhaps a bit OCD - and not willing to adapt to a new country, in laws and way of life.

Absolutely ..I find this back slapping nauseating :NoNo:

When I first married we lived with our inlaws...big mistake, we fell out them and didn't talk to them for a couple of years. You don't live with your inlaws out of choice...if you do, you abide by their rules..if you don't like it, get out...which is what we did. Work is more plentiful now than what it was in the early 80s so there's no excuse :doh

[Arthur Little]

• Your points about " English " grammar are well taken. *There is a counter - argument that so long as the written or spoken sentences are understood, strict grammatical rules are NOT as important as they used to be. The idiom of today is the grammar of tomorrow :smile: !

:bigcry:... *more's the pity!

[Arthur Little]

... there's no excuse :doh

Whilst innumerable differences between peoples' accents (and in my own case, increasing deafness) can (and often do) [understandably] make verbal communication difficult to follow, those same excuses cannot, IMO, be applied to poorly composed grammar, spelling and/or punctuation that is either written or typed :nono-1-1: ... if those basic skills are properly taught in schools - which, believe me, they most certainly were throughout the ordinary State Primary System back
in my day!

Personally, I blame the prevailing ubiquitous use of mobile phones and the resultant reliance on 'text speak' for causing the current sloppiness! :doh

[London_Manila]

That's alright! IT happens to the best of us.



I was trying to address your comments without stooping to your level.

However, you give me no choice. My husband joined this forum before I did. Sadly, he has long since stopped coming back because, in his opinion, the men here don't want women they can't cow. I don't necessarily agree with him as I've had many fruitful debates and discussions with so many of the wonderful men here through the years.

Unfortunately, there are times when bad apples like you prove my husband right. You've done nothing to further the discussion on this thread, you've come in several times just to post nasty comments and personal jabs, and you've been a complete ass this whole time. Of your 39 measly forum posts since joining last year, 7 were nasty comments on this thread.

Thanks for spending about a fifth of your time on my thread. This discussion obviously means that much to you. Now I would thank you, sir, to go away and harass someone else.

Love it :laugher:

[dontpushme]

That's a big tar brush you've got!!

I don't agree with most of your post but then again that is your rant.

All I can say is, you should have a bit of knowledge of England before you come here. Anyway, give yourself a chance - if you still don't like it in more months to come, it's not a law to stay here or you can always try moving to a more affluent area. :Erm:

I know it looks like a lot to take in, but points 1, 2, and 4 all pertain to health, hygiene, and sanitation; points 5 and 6 pertain to how the younger generation is raised or treated by the older generation; and point 3 is just about the frustration I feel being corrected when I'm not wrong and the people correcting me don't even know what's right.

I agree that it would've been better had I known more before moving, but for most of the last 6 years, the plan was for us to live in Manila. We had talked about it, and I was so sure the plan wouldn't change that when I moved back to the Philippines from the US, I gave away all my winter clothes and prepared for my husband's move. The reason I've gotten so desperate as to ask for insight from practical strangers is that out here, the only people I have are my in-laws. I'm not really going to get objective answers from them, I think.

What does money have to do with any of this?


Absolutely ..I find this back slapping nauseating :NoNo:

When I first married we lived with our inlaws...big mistake, we fell out them and didn't talk to them for a couple of years. You don't live with your inlaws out of choice...if you do, you abide by their rules..if you don't like it, get out...which is what we did. Work is more plentiful now than what it was in the early 80s so there's no excuse :doh

I'm sorry you feel that way. It may be that negative comments about the Philippines aren't allowed on this forum, but I personally have never lambasted or bashed anyone for their valid comments about my country or my people, whether they be positive or negative. Maybe now's a good time to discuss why the negative comments aren't allowed here.

As regards the falling out, that's exactly why I'm here asking for help. Look at post #67 and you'll see I have no problem telling someone exactly what I think of him. Unless I care about that person, that is. I've been miserable because I adore my mother-in-law. She is a very kind, thoughtful, sweet, big-hearted, lovely, giving person, and she is beautiful inside and out. Unfortunately, she's also been a threat to my and my baby's health. The whole time I lived with my in-laws, I followed her rules to the letter, including and up to staying awake during the day even though I was pregnant and I worked nights. She insisted that it wasn't good for anyone to sleep during the day so I stayed awake for her knowing I'd be a bit braindead while working. During that time, I was sick more often than usual, but I followed her rules anyway. As for getting out, that's what we did as soon as we could.


your family is chockful ( sic )

LOL. I just noticed this. I've always been partial to the shorter version of the word, but I take it chock-full is the English spelling? :icon_lol:

[RickyR]

I find the OPs post interesting, it certainly resonates with me.
I do get quite upset about hygiene, I think sometimes the UK in general deserves its bad reputation for crooked/yellow teeth and bad toilet habits. I cannot understand why the UK hasn't adopted bidets so much, and how many people fail to wash their hands after using the toilet...

That being said, I do get the impression that the OP is surrounded by a quiet naive and possibly 'rough' extended family.

I agree with Rosie's comment that the practices the OP has observed are certainly not widespread in my circle of friends and unlikely widespread in most of the other people on the forums family or friends.

As for the interference and rudeness from the extended family, it's time for your husband to grow up and be a man.

[purple]

Hi dontpushme!
Congratulations on your bub.

Sorry to hear your predicaments here in the UK.

Like what Rosie said, English people have different standards like the rest of the people in the world we cannot generalized them all just because one is Middle Eastern looking doesn't have to be a terrorist.

I think your husband needs to grow a back bone or you may have serious issues in the future.

One thing I know about the English is that most of them are polite which could be good and bad, depends on how you take it.

And no, my husband cooks well and does whatever he can to help me out. I was away to the Philippines for a week and he did great. My in laws are there when we need them but none of those things where they will make judgement on what I do etc.

Communicate is the key here.


But on the other hand.. being pregnant etc thus makes you hormonal and loses your proper reasoning.

Good luck!

[raynaputi]

I find the OPs post interesting, it certainly resonates with me.
I do get quite upset about hygiene, I think sometimes the UK in general deserves its bad reputation for crooked/yellow teeth and bad toilet habits. I cannot understand why the UK hasn't adopted bidets so much, and how many people fail to wash their hands after using the toilet...

That being said, I do get the impression that the OP is surrounded by a quiet naive and possibly 'rough' extended family.

I agree with Rosie's comment that the practices the OP has observed are certainly not widespread in my circle of friends and unlikely widespread in most of the other people on the forums family or friends.

As for the interference and rudeness from the extended family, it's time for your husband to grow up and be a man.

Before I arrived here in the UK, Keith installed a bidet for me. :xxgrinning--00xx3: Now, he doesn't want to stay in hotels without bidets! :biggrin: He's a convert now..hahaha :icon_lol:

[jane2009]

Next time before you moved to a new place do some research��������

[Michael Parnham]

Next time before you moved to a new place do some research��������

Those that do research the UK, still say it's not what they expected! :Erm:

[jane2009]

Those that do research the UK, still say it's not what they expected! :Erm:
That's right people always moan anyway! Lol... Why can't they try to live in Bronx New York that might be the place for them! Hahaha

[raynaputi]

That's right people always moan anyway! Lol... Why can't they try to live in Bronx New York that might be the place for them! Hahaha

Well, the OP used to live in the US so she probably knows what's like living there. :wink:

In my case, I did research before I came to UK and it wasn't also what I expected. I did moan about certain things and still moan some but that doesn't mean I can't accept my life here. Oh and I did moan A LOT about the visas and processing here in the UK, but should I live elsewhere if that's the case?

The OP has just expressed what she was experiencing and was wondering if it's the same elsewhere in the country. She did generalise about it but I think she now knows it's not the case. Mind you, just in this forum, there are plenty of moaners so you can't just single her out because of what she posted.

[Trefor]

Before I arrived here in the UK, Keith installed a bidet for me. :xxgrinning--00xx3: Now, he doesn't want to stay in hotels without bidets! :biggrin: He's a convert now..hahaha :icon_lol:

Yeah, we had one of the handheld spray thingumys installed. Of course the water was too cold at first :yikes:, but she got used to it :biggrin:

[gWaPito]

To everyone else, I would like to apologise and assure you that I see nothing wrong with age gaps between loving partners. Like I said, to each his/her own. Just because my age gap limit is a maximum of five years doesn't mean there aren't myriad women out there open to much wider gaps.

I used to think the same when I was your age, when I knew all there was to know :cwm25:

Only the experience of life can teach you about life :smile:

I do find it strange Rick has come in for some stick when in fact others have said worse. I think you will find it was lighthearted tongue in cheek stuff...Still, it takes all sorts

[raynaputi]

Yeah, we had one of the handheld spray thingumys installed. Of course the water was too cold at first :yikes:, but she got used to it :biggrin:

Our bidet is attached to an electric heater, just like a regular shower! :biggrin::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[les_taxi]

Plenty of moaners! That's so untrue!

[raynaputi]

Plenty of moaners! That's so untrue!

LOL! There are plenty here! Moan moan moan moan...always moaning...:icon_lol:

[les_taxi]

Funny enough they are always the most active threads.

[Michael Parnham]

Now everybody is moaning about the moaners, find it funny! :smile:

[les_taxi]

Now everybody is moaning about the moaners, find it funny! :smile:

:icon_lol:

[dontpushme]

I find the OPs post interesting, it certainly resonates with me.
I do get quite upset about hygiene, I think sometimes the UK in general deserves its bad reputation for crooked/yellow teeth and bad toilet habits. I cannot understand why the UK hasn't adopted bidets so much, and how many people fail to wash their hands after using the toilet...

That being said, I do get the impression that the OP is surrounded by a quiet naive and possibly 'rough' extended family.

I agree with Rosie's comment that the practices the OP has observed are certainly not widespread in my circle of friends and unlikely widespread in most of the other people on the forums family or friends.

As for the interference and rudeness from the extended family, it's time for your husband to grow up and be a man.

TBH, I don't think I'd be quite so upset about the hygiene if I weren't pregnant and if I hadn't ended up getting sick a few times and hospitalised because of all the cross-contamination. I'd still be grossed out, but I'd probably have been able to just keep reminding myself that it was a temporary situation.

I've had a talk with my husband, and I think the problem might be that he didn't realise how big the problem was. None of the men in the family ever went into the kitchen unless they were picking up their plates of food or getting a cup of tea. To be fair, he's talked to his mom and I can see she's making an effort to remember to wash her hands. She still forgets, but I'm fine with baby steps. As for the interference, most of it happens when I'm around the women and the men are absent, so I think my husband didn't realise the extent of that either. I still sometimes feel like telling them all to just mind their own business, but I'm learning to just give a non-committal shrug and pretend I'm busy with my phone.


Hi dontpushme!
Congratulations on your bub.

Sorry to hear your predicaments here in the UK.

Like what Rosie said, English people have different standards like the rest of the people in the world we cannot generalized them all just because one is Middle Eastern looking doesn't have to be a terrorist.

I think your husband needs to grow a back bone or you may have serious issues in the future.

One thing I know about the English is that most of them are polite which could be good and bad, depends on how you take it.

And no, my husband cooks well and does whatever he can to help me out. I was away to the Philippines for a week and he did great. My in laws are there when we need them but none of those things where they will make judgement on what I do etc.

Communicate is the key here.


But on the other hand.. being pregnant etc thus makes you hormonal and loses your proper reasoning.

Good luck!

Thanks, purple! We've had a talk and I told him he needs to understand his responsibility to his wife and child, and I think that woke him up. He's already had a talk with his mom about some of the issues I mentioned. And I agree that the pregnancy might have something with my reactions. I don't mean just the hormones, but also the fact that I don't want anything happening to my baby.


Next time before you moved to a new place do some research��������

I'm sorry, but research wouldn't have helped. There's no source that would have told me I'd be eating dirty sandwiches and be getting told it was the way things were done here. Besides, when you're in an online relationship, you can't really see your partner's family or gauge what kind of people they are. Also, the questions I found myself asking over and over in the last 8 months were things nobody would have considered before they moved. I don't know anyone who would've thought, "Hmm, I'm moving to the UK. I wonder if they adjust their crotches publicly.", especially since it's such a basic rule in the Philippines that nobody ever thinks about it.


The OP has just expressed what she was experiencing and was wondering if it's the same elsewhere in the country. She did generalise about it but I think she now knows it's not the case. Mind you, just in this forum, there are plenty of moaners so you can't just single her out because of what she posted.[/COLOR]

You're right. I did generalise at first because I was told the things I saw were just the way things were done here. This discussion, with all its positive and negative reactions, has actually been a welcome eye-opener for me.


I do find it strange Rick has come in for some stick when in fact others have said worse. I think you will find it was lighthearted tongue in cheek stuff...Still, it takes all sorts

It was because everyone else actually had something constructive to say, or just popped in to make one cheeky comment, but he came back again and again just to make nasty comments. I was fine the first couple of times, and I tried to let it go, but it became clear he wasn't gonna stop until someone put him in his place.


Now everybody is moaning about the moaners, find it funny! :smile:

Well, the forum does have a lot of moaners. If it's not about politics, or visas, or women, or getting duped, or immigration, or scroungers, it's about the weather on vacation (or cheese). :icon_lol:

[les_taxi]

Or about hygiene lol

[dontpushme]

Or that. Haha!

[Jenky]

My wife is also from Bicol Province, a small island called Calintaan thirty minutes Banca ride from the Port of Matnog Sorsogon. Maybe you know it. If not I can tell you that it also has no running water, no motorised vehicles, and until a few years ago no electricity. I have nothing but admiration for the people living there and I love the place. I have been there many times and despite my best efforts always end up "shitting through the eye of a needle" after a few days. I eat fresh fish fried straight from the sea and drink only bottled water and beer. But I guess my body is not accustomed to the different bacteria that is all around me and I get sick as a result despite having a cast iron stomach here in the UK.
Anyway since my wife and two kids have come to the UK back in 2009 I can happily report that their health is fine, but I now pick up heavy colds and flu from the kids that to them only cause a few days of having a runny nose. My wife used to get astma also, this not made any better from the air pollution in the Philippines especially when she moved to Manila. Since she moved here no problems.
As for changing gear I am sorry to say that I have to have an adjustment now and then as I am sure most men do. I try to do it discretley but sometimes my wife catches me doing it and tells me off! Guilty as charged!
Thanks for your great post and I wish you a happy/healthy pregnancy despite all of those bacteria all around you.

[Neu75]

I found the OP was an attack on many things British.
It is polite in a new country to make the most of it and not try to tear it down brick by brick.

Stop Moaning

[marksroomspain]

This is nothing personal and if I hit a little close to home, I'd love to hear your thoughts on why I'm justifiably wrong to feel the way I do.

I just moved to the UK in September 2013, and at the moment, I'm finding the culture shock a bit more than what I experienced when I moved to the US. I don't really know whether what I've seen so far are of the English culture, or local culture, or whatever. Forgive me for ranting, but I've been holding this all in for months, and I have been alone in this country with no one who understands where I'm coming from. I'd appreciate your input on a few topics.

1. Sanitation/hygiene (or the severe lack thereof)

Why do you use spit to 'clean' a smudge off skin or objects? No hand-washing, no regard for the millions of bacteria in each person's mouth, no regard for the millions of bacteria on the shoe that was just rubbed with spit.
Why don't people wash hands after using the toilet or before touching food, or after touching raw meat?
Why do people push crumbs or spilled food from the table directly on to the floor, disregarding how sticky the floor will get?

Why do people put shopping bags directly on the ground, then put them directly on the kitchen counters where you also directly prepare sandwiches and salads? I actually ended up in an ambulance and spending the night at the hospital because of the filthy food I've had to eat (couldn't refuse the sandwich without looking rude). I guess violently expelling everything in my GI tract was better than my baby getting deformed or even dying because of the nasty contaminated food. I've never been that sick before, despite coming from a farm (with no running water) in Bicol.

2. Speaking of hygiene, please don't "shift gears"

Why, oh why, do men constantly rearrange their junk??? It's disgusting and rude, and highly offensive. I can't believe the number of people I see doing this in public! Even my sister complained about this. Her office in Manila recently had an English visitor. Everyone treated the man warmly and he went out drinking with my sister's team, composed mainly of men, a few times. They let him pour everyone's shots, and shared their bar snacks with him. To everyone's extreme disgust, the last drinking night before he left, he reached into his pants, rearranged himself, and then sniffed his hand. My sister immediately commandeered the ice bucket so he wouldn't touch the tongs again, someone else took over the bottle of whatever alcohol they were drinking, and there were horrified looks exchanged all around the oblivious visitor. After a minute or so, the one gay person in the group managed to ask the guy to please go to the toilet next time he wanted to rearrange himself as it just wasn't acceptable in the Philippines to do it in public. The man had the gall to joke that sometimes men just needed to rearrange because they were sweaty and itchy.

The next day, at the airport, my sister just waved goodbye instead of shaking his hand.

Unfortunately for all the men in her team, they couldn't escape his handshake. As soon as the man had walked away and was out of earshot, every last one of them doused everything he had touched in rubbing alcohol. That is how revolting we Filipinos find crotch-grabbing. I know that even if the guy had rearranged himself through his clothes, everyone would still have found it disgusting because it was done in public.

When I was in High School, all the boys in my year avoided this one boy because he constantly rearranged himself.

No one ever high-fived him or shook his hand. This boy was a campus heartthrob, owing to his athletic skills, but the boys couldn't stand him and called him kamboy, short for kambiyo boy, whenever the girls were out of earshot (kambiyo means to shift gears). The girls in my year still don't know about this (it's been 15 years since we graduated), and I only know because I was one of the boys and witnessed everything myself. I can honestly say that "shifting gears" is one UK practice I will never stop being grossed out by. They're called private parts for a reason.

2. Waste and a "disposable" attitude, and what is it with the aversion to old things?

I'm sure you all know that Filipinos cook enough to have leftovers. We do this so that if someone drops by unexpectedly, we have enough food to share, and so that we can have leftovers the next day. From what I've seen here in the UK, anything that isn't eaten the first time around is thrown away. When my husband and I lived with my in-laws, it was a constant struggle to keep my food from being thrown away because "it's been on the counter for two hours". Bread was thrown away because someone accidentally microwaved it for more than 20 seconds. Any food that was getting close to its Best By date was thrown away, regardless of its actual condition. Even Spanish chorizo was thrown away because of the Best By date despite the fact that the damn sausage had been cured without refrigeration for much longer than the one week I had it in the fridge.

The waste I've seen doesn't stop at food. I had to fight tooth and nail to get my in-laws' 12-year-old leather sofas because my mother-in-law flatly refused to give them to me and insisted that they were going straight to the tip. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the sofas that leather cleaner and conditioner, and a needle wouldn't fix. Her excuse for mocking my desperate pleadings was that the sofas were old and she would never in a million years give me anything old. This still doesn't make sense as she goes to car boot sales every week and buys us junk that we neither want nor need but that she foists on us anyway. In any case, I've had to give up on her beautiful dining set that she really did take straight to the tip just because it was old. Fortunately for me and the sofas, my father-in-law spoke up for me and said I could have them. He doesn't need to know how many times I cried over the potential loss of good leather (my dad used to tan lambskin and sheepskin from our livestock, and my family has always had a thing for leather).

3. Bragging about "we invented the English language" while not being able to speak or spell the language

My in-laws, mostly the ones in the older generations, enjoy teasing me about my "American pronunciation". I usually have to hold my tongue and let them have their fun because as a Filipina, I'd feel terrible talking back to my elders. However, it really grates on me that the people who pick on me the most seem to have terrible diction, no clue about grammar, and worse pronunciation than even FOB Filipinos. It takes me one to two seconds to understand when people say things like "lickle" (little), "me moom" (my Mum), "'e were at the market" (He was at the market), "we was outdoors" (We were outdoors), "'e learned me me numbers" (He taught me my numbers), and "give it me" (Give it to me), to name a few. As annoying as the lack of proper grammar is, it's even worse when I get laughed at for not understanding people the first time.

The teasing has lessened since I decided to correct people's assumptions when they told me "aluminium" was the correct way to say the word and "aluminum" was the stupid American way. (Aluminum was the name the scientist who discovered the element gave it, but other people later decided to change the name to aluminium because aluminum didn't match the popular nomenclature trend of giving elements names that ended in -ium.) I guess it also helped that I've been passive-aggressively commenting to my in-laws about the terrible English of strangers I encounter while out and about.

4. Lack of knowledge regarding health

Twice during my pregnancy, my mother-in-law insisted that I sleep in the same bed as my sick husband. He only had a cold, but a simple cold in the Philippines is very different from a cold in the UK. Ours don't include coughs, headaches, nausea, or achy joints. When my father-in-law suggested my husband sleep on the sofa and I told my mother-in-law that a cold would make my asthma worse, she went all "over my dead body" on everyone, and told me that viruses were just one of the things families shared. I was pregnant and had just moved over, so I had no antibodies yet for the specific strains of cold viruses my husband had. Seriously, who in their right mind forces a pregnant woman to get sick?? Maybe it's just because my family is chockful of doctors, medical workers, and scientists, but I have always known that you do not play with the health of a pregnant woman. The second time she made me sleep in the same bed as my sick husband, I actually was sick for two weeks, and I almost whipped out my credit card and bought a plane ticket home. I was this close to leaving my husband because it felt like he didn't even know his responsibility to protect his wife and child from harmful lunatics. I had already been suffering from mild asthma since I moved because I wasn't used to all the carpeting, and the nasty-ass English cold (and everything that came with it) just ensured that my breathing was even more laboured. Has the UK really not learned from the numerous outbreaks and epidemics throughout the centuries that when one person is sick, you're supposed to try to keep him from infecting others?

5. "That's women's work", aka How to raise men to cling to women's apron strings

In the Philippines, our women take very good care of the men. However, this does not excuse men from learning how to cook, clean, sew, and do general housework. Some men do get teased for being "under the saya", which literally translates to "under the skirt" but figuratively means "under the woman's thumb". This jest has nothing to do with the man knowing how to do housework, but everything to do with who wears the pants in the family. Now, I have just had a conversation with my husband's Nana, who confirmed my observation that boys here are not expected to help out around the house. This leads to men having absolutely no housekeeping skills. I asked Nana what happens if a bachelor loses a shirt button or needs to have a hem fixed. She just replied that he'd get his mother or some other woman to do it for him. She gave me the same answer when I asked about laundry, ironing, cooking , cleaning, and all the other things that Filipino men are expected to learn. This really strikes me as a very backward way of thinking. Why do you, the First-Worlders, have such sexist upbringings? In my family, my brother is the best sewer and the best ironer. His stitches are small and even, and when he irons, the creases are as crisp as any military uniform's. No one ever questions his masculinity just because he's also a very good cook or because when he cleans something, he always leaves it spotless. Over here though, my husband is crap at anything in the household, and isn't afraid to admit it. He can't even hold a kitchen knife properly, and when I ask him to slice something, he either uses a chopping motion (which just squashes the veg) or saws at it (which tears the meat apart). Really, why do you raise adult boys (not men) who can't do anything for themselves and who are destined to run to a woman for every little thing? Do you like being so dependent on your mothers for everything?

6. Treating adult children as if they were minors

Back home, if a person were at uni and still had their mother come to school to handle the enrollment or clearance paperwork, or any kind of mundane uni task, he would be teased for being a big baby who couldn't handle his own affairs. Heck, from the age of 13, I was dropped off at the school with a blank check for my tuition and told to handle my enrollment myself. None of my friends ever had their mother doing it all for them either. In contrast, my husband's auntie is currently in Newcastle and she's brought a printer and a scanner with her so she can handle all the paperwork because her 21-year-old daughter is about to finish school. Is this because of a lack of trust? Is this because you really do raise all your kids to be reliant on their mothers? Where's the self-reliance they should have learned by now?

Aside from doing every little thing for your kids, why are the older generation so pushy? I'm 31 years old, have been earning and budgeting my own money since I was 7, and was raised to be self-reliant in and out of the house. I know my own opinions and I know what it takes to run a household efficiently.

Unfortunately, all my older generation female in-laws seem to think I'm 6 and have no mind. I constantly have to field unsolicited advice, and I'm really starting to hate all the pushiness. My husband and I have been living in our own home since March, and at least three days in a week, I have to endure my in-laws trying to force me to arrange my house their way or do tasks their (inefficient) way. It's just the women though. I have had absolutely no trouble from the men. They seem to be resigned to letting the women have their way all the time. What is it with the women in your country treating everyone like children, and why don't the men ever speak up??

Okay, my rant's over. I still don't get the UK. I'm not adjusting as well as I'd like to. My family back home is livid that I'm "being poisoned" and am being treated like a child. I really want to know whether all these things are a UK thing, or that I just have weird in-laws, or that these are a Northwest England thing.

Can anyone shed some light on some of the cultural differences I've just mentioned? I'm really missing home because all I can see about the people here are that they are unsanitary, cross-contaminating, wasteful, pushy, and their ideas about health are stuck in the Dark Ages. Still can't believe I'm the Third-Worlder and I'm the only one who seems to see the problem.

Sorry love but that gave me an headache...:Bricks:

Personally my wife loves everything about the UK and couldn't wait to get back after 5 weeks visiting her parents.

Her points about a better life here are:

1.) Good and free health care.

2.) Perfect climate in respects we don't have major problems with adverse weather and climatic change.

3.) Cleaner fresher air.

4.) A good sense of humour and not too conservative in our views worrying about what others may think also not crab mentality.

5.) Actually a guy that loves them unconditionally without the worry of cheating pinoys and lack of respect.

Can I write a thesis on the next 95 reasons mmm maybe yes but I cannot be bothered, fair point to you but please hope you sort things soon as life can be as hard or as easy as you make it......

Hope things work out and no malice to the start of my reply.....:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Jenky]

I found the OP was an attack on many things British.
It is polite in a new country to make the most of it and not try to tear it down brick by brick.

Stop Moaning

You need to go into a dark room and change hands and imagine somebody loves you.

[Neu75]

You need to go into a dark room and change hands and imagine somebody loves you.

That makes no sense.
You need to reply so people can understand you.

[RickyR]

I think that some people are going quickly into the defensive, yet a lot of the points made by the OP are valid, although to generalise based on her in laws and locality would be wrong.

The posts definitely balances out some of the negative Filipino posts which occur on here regularly, normally posted by new joiners who have visited the Philippines for the first time and have been overcome by culture shock. The Philippines of course is not a particularly clean place overall, but I will will say that in the malls or Provence the female gender all seem to have clean clothes and be freshly showered, with the height difference all you can often smell is freshly shampooed hair.

It is good to have a bit of balance, and hear the views of newly arrived Filipinas.

[joebloggs]

It is good to have a bit of balance, and hear the views of newly arrived Filipinas.

:xxgrinning--00xx3: and for posting her views, whether people think she is right or not, dontpushme is entitled to post her opinions and I hope we have many more filipinas who will too :xxgrinning--00xx3:

and :appl: for standing your ground, and I hope not offended by some peoples' replies :biggrin:

[Michael Parnham]

:xxgrinning--00xx3: and for posting her views, whether people think she is right or not, dontpushme is entitled to post her opinions and I hope we have many more filipinas who will too :xxgrinning--00xx3:

And :appl: for standing your ground, and I hope not offended by some peoples' replies :biggrin:

Very well said Joe! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

Very well said Joe!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

We need more filipina's on here like dontpushme, who can give as good as she gets :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I hope she will encourage many more filipinas on here to start posting and not be shy :wink:

[les_taxi]

I hope she will encourage many more filipina's on here to start posting and not be shy

Hear, hear :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[fred]

had we all still been single are as close to null as you can imagine.

Your loss Dontpushme and my wife`s gain!!

My Mum takes a bottle of anti bacterial spray EVERYWHERE!!

When we go to restaurants or eat out anywhere either in the UK or the R.P,she sprays and cleans the whole table and all our knives,forks and spoons!!:icon_lol: When we were kids she would scold me for putting rubbish in the rubbish bin as she had just cleaned it!! :NoNo:

IMO..We are all destined to eat muck before we die and if we do then perhaps it gives our anti bodies something to practice on for something worse..

I have a feeling that you and my Mum would probably disagree!!

Cheers,
Fred.

BTW..I've enjoyed reading you posts!! Keep em comin.
(oops..Sorry about my lazy spelling attitude) (Joke lang)

[Michael Parnham]

Your loss Dontpushme and my wife`s gain!!
My Mum takes a bottle of anti bacterial spray EVERYWHERE!!
When we go to restaurants or eat out anywhere either in the UK or the R.P,she sprays and cleans the whole table and all our knives,forks and spoons!!:icon_lol: When we were kids she would scould me for putting rubbish in the rubbish bin as she had just cleaned it!!:NoNo:

IMO..We are all destined to eat muck before we die and if we do then perhaps it gives our anti bodies something to practice on for something worse..
I have a feeling that you and my Mum would probably disagree!!
Cheers,
Fred.

BTW..Ive enjoyed reading you posts!! Keep em comin.
(oops..Sorry about my lazy spelling attitude) (Joke lang)

Ha Ha, every time I clean my car I also wash and polish my wheelie bins! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Doc Alan]

Whether or not one agrees with all the points made by dontpushme, top marks to her for replying to every single post made in response :xxgrinning--00xx3:.


You set a good example to us ALL, please take note, and well done dontpushme :smile:!

[Michael Parnham]

Whether or not one agrees with all the points made by dontpushme, top marks to her for replying to every single post made in response :xxgrinning--00xx3:.


You set a good example to us ALL, please take note, and well done dontpushme :smile:!
I will thank you for that comment Alan, because most of the things she said were true, and some people seem afraid of the truth and I for one am not! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[fred]

Ha Ha, every time I clean my car I also wash and polish my wheelie bins! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

:thumbsdown:


:wink:

[gWaPito]

You need to go into a dark room and change hands and imagine somebody loves you.

I find sitting on your left hand for 10 minutes does the trick :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

:xxgrinning--00xx3: and for posting her views, whether people think she is right or not, dontpushme is entitled to post her opinions and I hope we have many more filipinas who will to :xxgrinning--00xx3:

and :appl: for standing your ground, and I hope not offended by some peoples' replies :biggrin:

As long as she doesn't dish out negative rep :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevewool]

Bored, bored and did I say bored

[stevewool]

Anyone else noticed this, July 2009 and 355 posts, wow hes a great member, just my thoughts

[raynaputi]

Anyone else noticed this, July 2009 and 355 posts, wow hes a great member, just my thoughts

The OP is a SHE. :biggrin:

[dontpushme]

Jenky:
I've never been to Calintaan, but it sounds beautiful and clean. You might be right about the bacteria. Hopefully, your body develops the antibodies it needs before the recurring Bombay Belly gets too frustrating.
My asthma worsened when I moved to Manila too, but it improved after a couple of years. Now that I've moved here where the air is much cleaner, it's the old carpets that have been triggering it.
I'm pretty sure men all over the world change gears all the time, and I thank you for at least trying to do it discreetly. It's when it's done so blatantly and without regard for others that it becomes rude, IMHO.
Thanks for the well wishes! Considering everything I've had to go through so far, I'd say I'm damned lucky I was only hospitalised once.:icon_lol:

Neu75:
What you said just contradicted what most other members told me. I've been informed that many of the things I was finding really hard to accept were more of a personal difference with my mother-in-law than an actual cultural difference between Filipinos and the British. Now you're saying my post was an attack on many things British. So which is it?

marksroomspain:
Whoops! Sorry about the headache. Your wife makes really good points. I'd have to disagree about the weather though. I personally feel much more alive in the strong typhoons, building-high floods, earthquakes, and choppy seas of Bicol. When I lived in Arkansas in the US, the lack of extreme weather bored me. First thing I did when I got back home was stand outside in a typhoon. As for cheating Pinoys, I've found that infuriatingly true in the less-educated masses back home. It's unbelievable how the women just sit there looking sheepish as their boyfriends/husbands brag that they'd cheat on them in a heartbeat "because it's in my nature as a man"!

RickyR:
Thank you for the openmindedness. I think people have gotten a little defensive because they either skimmed through my post or didn't read past the title, missing the part where I explained that I just needed to know what applied to the wider population and what only applied to my in-laws.

joebloggs:
Thanks! I'm sure most people here are aware that Filipinos like to beat around the bush. Maybe the women would participate more if we could find a happy medium where they don't get scared off by how frank the men are.

fred:
I'm sure your wife wouldn't want it any other way.:xxgrinning--00xx3:
Cleaning restaurant tables before you're allowed to sit at them describes my Aunt Clarissa to a T.:icon_lol: I admit that maybe I came across as a bit high-strung about hygiene, but I wasn't like this before I came over. I think I might have snapped when I saw just how dirty the food I had to eat was. The miscarriage scare didn't help either.:NoNo:
Don't worry about the spelling.:icon_lol: As long as you don't start constantly picking on me for my American English, you can misspell words as often as you want!

Doc Alan:
Thanks for the rep! I don't mind people disagreeing with me. It's certainly not gonna scare me off. However, it seems a little odd to me that people are surprised that I can hold my own. I hope I don't scare anyone off.

gWaPito:
No worries! Even if I figured out how to do that, I wouldn't give negative rep anyway.

stevewool
Yes, I only have 355 or so posts, but you don't have to be so sarcastic about it. I was in the middle of postgraduate studies when my husband suggested we join this forum. When things got busy with my thesis and fieldwork, I had to choose between my studies and the forum. After I went home to the Philippines in 2011, I'd gotten so used to not visiting the forum that it's taken me this long to make a habit of checking the forum for replies and interesting threads. If you look up my posts, you'll find I made several attempts to come back but I just wasn't into it as I was busy with work (worked overtime a lot) and family. Also, as rayna pointed out, I'm not a man.:laugher:

[les_taxi]

You certainly know your own mind and take no bull. A feisty lady indeed. Very refreshing. Keep it up.

[dontpushme]

Thanks, Les! I'm gonna try to tone it down a little for the folks here who might be intimidated by me, but I'm glad there are men like you who understand Filipinas are not all timid. :biggrin:

[les_taxi]

No be yourself! You won't find myself, Joe, Dedworth etc, toning it down. Say what you wish.

[Terpe]

Thanks, les! I'm gonna try to tone it down a little for the folks here who might be intimidated by me, but I'm glad there are men like you who understand Filipinas are not all timid.:biggrin:

I agree with Les, don't make special efforts to tone down your opinions. Just be yourself.....please.

Not many timid ladies from Philippines that I've met ..........:xxparty-smiley-004:

[raynaputi]

No be yourself! You won't find myself, Joe, Dedworth etc, toning it down. Say what you wish.


I agree with Les, don't make special efforts to tone down your opinions. Just be yourself.....please.

Not many timid ladies from Philippines that I've met ..........:xxparty-smiley-004:

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Not all Filipinas can express being feisty and can at the same time can get across what they want to say without being aggressively offensive. I've seen some Filipinas who even with proven point express their opinion but do it aggressively that they end up losing their point in the end. :icon_lol:

[dontpushme]

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Not all Filipinas can express being feisty and can at the same time can get across what they want to say without being aggressively offensive. I've seen some Filipinas who even with proven point express their opinion but do it aggressively that they end up losing their point in the end. :icon_lol:

Mataray ba? :icon_lol:


No be yourself! You won't find myself, Joe, Dedworth etc, toning it down. Say what you wish.


I agree with Les, don't make special efforts to tone down your opinions. Just be yourself.....please.

Not many timid ladies from Philippines that I've met ..........:xxparty-smiley-004:

Well, I'll still be stubborn and opinionated, but I'm gonna do my best to not get aggressive or offensive, like the ladies Rayna mentioned. :smile:

[les_taxi]

Just don't end up like Joe :icon_lol:

[marksroomspain]

There is a saying dontpushme "Your bark's worse than your bite"...:animal-smiley-037:....:laugher:

But in all honesty, I found your integrity very refreshing, keep posting and welcome back.....:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevewool]

The OP is a SHE. :biggrin:

Wow, I did not notice that

[stevewool]

Thanks, Les! I'm gonna try to tone it down a little for the folks here who might be intimidated by me, but I'm glad there are men like you who understand Filipinas are not all timid. :biggrin:

Why do you think people will be intimidated by you?

Feel free to say what you feel. And if people dont agree, well thats their problem. We cant all agree with each other, but we can all be civil towards one another.

And I do apologize for making the mistake of saying the word he instead of she :biggrin:

[dontpushme]

There is a saying dontpushme "Your bark's worse than your bite"...:animal-smiley-037:....:laugher::

I've never bitten anyone, but I have been known to reduce men to tears. :icon_lol: Don't worry, it's a rare occurrence and is only triggered by really nasty jerks who think that I'm a pushover.


Wow, I did not notice that

Clearly, you didn't read my posts. Every single one of them referenced my pregnancy.:doh


And I do apologize for making the mistake of saying the word he instead of she :biggrin:

No worries, but next time, maybe read before posting that you're bored and the OP is a terrible member for not having the time to post nearly 11,000 posts like you. :icon_lol:

[Arthur Little]

Don't worry, it's a rare occurrence and is only triggered by really nasty jerks who think that I'm a pushover.

Don't think ANYONE here would be deluded into thinking that, Denise :nono-1-1: ... your username - not to mention your recent postings - make it abundantly clear you're NO pushover! :smile:

[gWaPito]

I've never bitten anyone, but I have been known to reduce men to tears. :icon_lol: Don't worry, it's a rare occurrence and is only triggered by really nasty jerks who think that I'm a pushover.



Clearly, you didn't read my posts. Every single one of them referenced my pregnancy.:doh



No worries, but next time, maybe read before posting that you're bored and the OP is a terrible member for not having the time to post nearly 11,000 posts like you. :icon_lol:

:laugher: Love it! Posts of substance are quite a rarity on here, Dontpushme. .not too dissimilar to a welcome oasis :icon_lol:

I for one don't think you'll be around for long, especially when baby arrives.

Don't feel that you've been singled out by the "I'm bored" statement.

That chestnut has been kicked around here for an age. :biggrin::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[dontpushme]

Don't think ANYONE here would be deluded into thinking that, Denise :nono-1-1: ... your username - not to mention your recent postings - make it abundantly clear you're NO pushover! :smile:

Haha! I think people tend to underestimate me more in person than online.:nono-1-1:


:laugher: Love it! Posts of substance are quite a rarity on here, Dontpushme. .not too dissimilar to a welcome oasis :icon_lol:

I for one don't think you'll be around for long, especially when baby arrives.

Don't feel that you've been singled out by the "I'm bored" statement.

That chestnut has been kicked around here for an age. :biggrin::xxgrinning--00xx3:

Well, I actually have more time now than I did before coming to the UK. If I do get busy with the baby, I'll eventually find my way back to the forum anyway.:biggrin:

Don't worry about me feeling singled out, I'm okay.:icon_lol: Just figured I'd take a page out of Steve's book and point out how much spare time he obviously has compared to many other members (11,000 posts???).:cwm24:

[gWaPito]

Well, I actually have more time now than I did before coming to the UK. If I do get busy with the baby, I'll eventually find my way back to the forum anyway.:biggrin:

Great to hear that :xxgrinning--00xx3: We wouldn't want to lose you again!! (x)

[Neu75]

Neu75:
What you said just contradicted what most other members told me. I've been informed that many of the things I was finding really hard to accept were more of a personal difference with my mother-in-law than an actual cultural difference between Filipinos and the British. Now you're saying my post was an attack on many things British. So which is it?



You started with "getting things of my chest" so I'd say your rant was anti-British.

But going by the many Dedworth posts you are the same as him :Cuckoo: Is it anti-British or just always moaning, I don't no.

[SimonH]

You started with "getting things of my chest" so I'd say your rant was anti-British.

But going by the many Dedworth posts you are the same as him :Cuckoo: Is it anti-British or just always moaning, I don't no.



Once again someone whose native tongue is not English expresses herself more eloquently than yourself.

Not to mention being grammatically correct................ KNOW not NO :Rasp:

[dontpushme]

You started with "getting things of my chest" so I'd say your rant was anti-British.

But going by the many Dedworth posts you are the same as him :Cuckoo: Is it anti-British or just always moaning, I don't no.

I've been staring at your post for 10 minutes now, and I honestly still have no idea what you're trying to say. Do you mean that anyone who has something to get off her chest is anti-British? Are you also saying that Dedworth and I are one and the same person, or that we both hate Britain?


As long as she doesn't dish out negative rep :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Ugh! Cheshire Cheez just made a liar out of me. Sorry about that. I couldn't stand his claim that "men are by nature suffering through monogamy".


Once again someone whose native tongue is not English expresses herself more eloquently than yourself.
Not to mention being grammatically correct................ KNOW not NO :Rasp:

:icon_lol: Thanks! Incidentally, do you know what Neu75 is trying to say? I can't form a proper response to something I don't understand!:Erm::laugher:

[les_taxi]

Are you also saying that Dedworth and I are one and the same person

YES! You are never in the same room at same time as Dedworth :icon_lol:

[gWaPito]

I've been staring at your post for 10 minutes now, and I honestly still have no idea what you're trying to say. Do you mean that anyone who has something to get off her chest is anti-British? Are you also saying that Dedworth and I are one and the same person, or that we both hate Britain?



Ugh! Cheshire Cheez just made a liar out of me. Sorry about that. I couldn't stand his claim that "men are by nature suffering through monogamy".



:icon_lol: Thanks! Incidentally, do you know what Neu75 is trying to say? I can't form a proper response to something I don't understand!:Erm::laugher:

Feel free to dish out all the negatives you want, Denise :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I was just having a dig at some pettiness what went on a few weeks back.

Made me realise why few choose to lead a virtual life :NoNo:

[dontpushme]

YES! You are never in the same room at same time as Dedworth :icon_lol:

That Dedworth! I can't believe he's been impersonating me since before I joined the forum! Do I need to go to Berkshire to show everyone we're two different people? :icon_lol:


Feel free to dish out all the negatives you want, Denise :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I was just having a dig at some pettiness what went on a few weeks back.

Made me realise why few choose to lead a virtual life :NoNo:

Ooh, do tell. :biggrin: I won't be making a habit of the negative rep, but the guy does deserve it in this case, methinks.

[fred]

That Dedworth! I can't believe he's been impersonating me since before I joined the forum! Do I need to go to Berkshire to show everyone we're two different people? :icon_lol:

Yes you do.

And take a picture of you both to prove it.

OK?

[dontpushme]

Haha! Sounds like reason enough for a road trip.

[Neu75]

Once again someone whose native tongue is not English expresses herself more eloquently than yourself.

Not to mention being grammatically correct................ KNOW not NO :Rasp:

I was never very good at English.

I thought I said the comment well tho.

[Neu75]

I've been staring at your post for 10 minutes now, and I honestly still have no idea what you're trying to say. Do you mean that anyone who has something to get off her chest is anti-British? Are you also saying that Dedworth and I are one and the same person, or that we both hate Britain?





Ugh! Cheshire Cheez just made a liar out of me. Sorry about that. I couldn't stand his claim that "men are by nature suffering through monogamy".



:icon_lol: Thanks! Incidentally, do you know what Neu75 is trying to say? I can't form a proper response to something I don't understand!:Erm::laugher:

I met a Filipino girl and she always gets sensitive and doesn't understand me as well.

Maybe a Thailand girl would be better for me I don't no.

I was just saying that you seemed to moan as much as Deadworth :Hellooo:

[fred]

I was just saying that you seemed to moan as much as Deadworth :Hellooo:

:icon_lol:

Now thats funny!!

[dontpushme]

I met a Philippino girl and she always gets sensitive and doesn't understand me as well.
Maybe a Thailand girl would be better for me I don't no.

Yes, maybe a Thai would be more suited to you.


I was just saying that you seemed to moan as much as Deadworth :Hellooo:

Now I'm curious what would happen if Dedworth and I were to meet in person. We could moan all day like a couple of old grumps.:olddude::icon_lol:

[SimonH]

I was never very good at English.
I thought I said the comment well tho.


Don't you mean 'though'

[Neu75]

Don't you mean 'though'

Not really,

Is this a PhilippinoUK forum or a spelling forum?

[les_taxi]

Don't you mean 'though'

'Tho' is an informal way of saying the same word, perfectly acceptable:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[les_taxi]

Is this a PhilippinoUK forum

No, it's Filipino UK Forum :icon_lol:

[Arthur Little]

I was just saying ..... as much as Deadworth :Hellooo:

:yikes: ... 'es not dead yet! :nono-1-1: ... at least I hope not, anyway! :cwm24:

[gWaPito]

'Tho' is an informal way of saying the same word,perfectly acceptable:xxgrinning--00xx3:

You're find Neu75 is sending you guys up :biggrin:

[les_taxi]

Nah, he would not do such a thing :biggrin:

[Jentobeharrison]

I would really love to reply on this thread but I cannot start it without knowing what OP means. hahahahaha. Anyone?

[Doc Alan]

I would really love to reply on this thread but I cannot start it without knowing what OP means. hahahahaha. Anyone?

Original Poster ( member who started a thread with first post, dontpushme on this thread ) Jen :smile:

[Jentobeharrison]

Where do you live? My fiance is from Merseyside and there are some points on your thread that seem so similar to my situation though I haven't lived at his place, he went here twice and also his family and friends are my friends on Facebook so I have some things on my mind, but not really for complaining though.

Before my fiance and I met personally here in PH, I made it up to the point that he will not get ill here, I was scared that he might get mosquite bites, he might not like the the scent of our house or get food poisoned, and I really made an effort to clean our house, disinfect what has to be, avoid dirty places and chose to stay in a very clean hotel room, course I dont want him to say negative things about me, my family, our house and especially our country. I washed all our curtains, bed sheets and my clothes with fabric conditioner so he won't complain about bad odour though our house has been really clean and well-maintained but when you have visitors, course you will do everything to let them feel that they're special and well treated.. Lets just call it Hospitality.

What i have been seeing in the movies (Mr.Bean specifically) hahaha, British are keen when it comes to table manner, they're formal like what I am seeing in restaurants in Greenbelt, so when I first brought him to our house, I asked my mom to make the food in our table organised. My boyfriend and I are aware with cultural differences and we are somehow preparing for it, it really helped me to say all of these to him and also he saw how OC I am when it comes to cleanliness but then again, we did not make this as an issue but rather exchanging of trivias.

First hygiene:

We stayed in a hotel and they provided us utensils, (spoon, fork, etc.) My fiance is a tea person and before he went here, he asked me to look for chamomile tea, so I did. The first night, he made a cup of tea, and he went to the rest room, to get his toothbrush, I asked him what he will do, he said he gonna stir his tea, I was shocked and he surely saw my eyes like this :yikes: (I am really good with facial expression) so he did really know that I was surprised, he asked why, I said, that's a toothbrush and it's dirty, why would you use it to your tea? He just said, he's a man, lazy and alone bachelor in his apartment so he will do whatever is convenient for him, I told him that the tea has a string to help him removing the bag and no need for stirer, well he was not used to it as I have seen his tea bags from UK, it has no string, just tea bag.

My fiance's mum is around 60 plus old now and my fiance is 28, and until now his mom loves washing his clothes, (prolly that's his excuse for not washing his own clothes) lol. So when I was organising his clothes, especially his jumper, it wasn't smelly but it doesnt smell good as well so I asked him who wash his clothes, he said his mum, so I did not bring that topic up, instead I asked him if we can bring his jumper to a laundry house so when he get back to UK, it will be clean. Probably, his mom doesnt use fabric conditioner, well I guess it's a no big deal for them, and also I did not make this as an issue.


When we had our Mother's day dinner, as I have mentioned, I asked my mama to organise the table so he will feel at ease but my fiance got really comfortable I put a piece of fried chicken on his plate and pasta, gave him spoon and fork, he used his fork in pasta and used his hands to eat the chicken but I asked him to wash his hands first before he use it because we just came from outside and his hands carry bacteria,it was no big deal for him, but he still washed his hands. My family used spoon and fork whilst eating the fried chicken, and he used his bare hands in eating it, he asked me, why am I using spoon and fork in eating chicken I said, because we have a visitor, he said, they dont eat chicken and burgers using utensils so Okay, NAGKAMAY kami which was really fun and I thought he would be too OC with his plate but nope, he eats like a child or maybe he was not just used in eating without knife, well I can really say that he really felt at home in our house which is a good thing,

Personal Hygiene:

I prepared myself for a bad odour that I might smell whenever he's around because there are westeners/foreign peope who dont take a shower everyday (because of their kind of weather or because they're just used to). I was suprised that my fiance is mindful about our tropical weather and when he was here, he takes shower three times a day because he said its hot here. Also, he is a football player so my friends are telling me that dont get turned off when you smell him, again surprisingly, he doesnt have a bad smell, but after he takes shower, I always put powder on his chest and on his back telling him that he has to put powder every time especially when he plays football so when he sweats, it will not smell bad, which i am glad because until now, even I am not with him, he always put powder on his chest and back now :)

I myself is too keen about oral hygiene, I really take care of my teeth and it has been taken care of since I was a child. One of my fears is to encounter someone who has halitosis, but about him, it made me confident because as what I have seen on his pictures before, he has good teeth.

I love kissing him when we wake up in the morning, but he was shy, he will avoid me and say he has morning breath, (It's normal I know) but he will still go to the restroom first to brush his teeth before he kiss me in the morning, or even talk to me, told him that it's okay, he said, he will always do that even if we are married lol.

His nails on his fingers are all short because of nail-biting, I was also doing that when I was a kid but I was able to cope with it, when I feel that my nails are already long, I would cut it short so I wont be tempted to bite it, and not really fan of putting nail polish.In his case, I cannot really stop it because it needs time and he's the only one who can control it. Whenever he does that, I always tell him that I am going to put boxing gloves to his hands so he would stop spitting the nails in our bed side, and he jokingly said that he could spit it to my side if I prefer lol. His toenails are likethe nails of a zombie man, I bought nail cutter because I want to cut it, he said he's gonna cut it in the morning but I did not trust him so I cut it when he was asleep lol

Not to brag, but Filipinos especially Filipino women are known having good hygiene especially when it comes to personal hygiene. I am always concious about how I smell and asked him, he told me that he has no complain about how I smell because I am the cleanest woman he ever had, no bad odour, no morning breath and even my (you know what I mean) has no odour as what he tells me always.

Shfiting gears, he never shifted gears in front of me, or I have never encountered any foreign men doing that in front of me.

Waste and disposable attitude:

I agree with that especially about food, if he doesn't like it, he will trash it but I will end up eating it lol. HAHAHHA I guess that's not for british people alone, even my kiwi bosses, they are like that.

Spelling, Grammar and accent:

My fiance works in BT and not being mean but he and his friend are making fun of Filipino accent as they are also talking to their offshore partners here in the Philippines, their offshore partner is somewhere here but not in Metro Manila so they have really different strong accent, mine is neutral even if I am working for a NZ telecommunciation company, I am also having a hard time adapting their accent, I would stick having an american accent, whenever my fiance makes fun of my accent (as lambing) I would attack him with his grammar lol. Recently I just asked him why do they keep using "was" in subject "you" I have noticed that on facebook posts of his family and friends, and I wondered because my friend from London uses "YOU WERE", my fiance said, it's regionalism and also some of them they aren't aware about the difference of "YOU'RE" and "YOUR". Spelling, I have seen some brits who are not really good in Spelling, but it looks like they spell the word based on how they say it like one of his contacts on facebook posted with the word "MENY" instead of "MANY", "Philippinos" instead of "Filipinos" but that's not just for British, some nationalities are worse though.

And I will leave that to them. :)


So far so good, but if you will ask me, my opinion is, hygiene depends on the person, how he/she used to and it is not because it's a british thing, even using tissue papers in wiping their *&^%#% after pooping. I have an ex boyfriend he is an american PhD but his hygiene was worse really. Pronounciation, grammar, spelling, punctuation marks, there are lots of factors to consider about it, first is their educational attainment and what we called, regionalism.


My professor in Psychology said that it takes ten years for a person to become well-adjusted especially when it comes to culture.

I just hope that you and your baby are safe.

[Michael Parnham]

Interesting post, just don't know what to say at the moment, you deserve a rep though! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevewool]

whell meye sphelling his very poor , has hit stopped me from being successful , just be yourself, maybe its others who have the problem

[les_taxi]

Yes, interesting post but I feel it's hard work following it all. Life is for living and reading the above just makes just living a normal day a to-do list if you know what i mean. I think we westerners don't worry about germs as much as filipinos - we just get on with it. I think some are obsessed with worry about germs putting the fear all out of proportion.How did we manage to survive as cavemen with not toilet rolls, disinfectant, shampoo, properly cooked food etc.

I believe in hygiene of course, we all like to look and smell good but i think Filipino's take it to a extreme level.

If I dropped my toast onto a reasonably clean kitchen floor -big deal - I will still eat it. When I'm in the pub how clean is the glass I'm drinking out of - who knows I'm drinking anyway.

I'm a believer that you need to be exposed to some germs to build up immune system. In my taxi over the course of a year, I pick up people coughing and wheezing, every manner of bugs no doubt.

Can't remember last time I was ill as I believe my immune system has built up being exposed.

The posts are good don't get me wrong but it would do my head in having to think every action through.

[Jentobeharrison]

Yup I agree on that, and it's the matter of adaptation.

[Jentobeharrison]

Yes, interesting post but I feel it's hard work following it all. Life is for living and reading the above just makes just living a normal day a to-do list if you know what i mean. I think we westerners don't worry about germs as much as filipinos - we just get on with it. I think some are obsessed with worry about germs putting the fear all out of proportion. How did we manage to survive as cavemen with no toilet rolls, disinfectant, shampoo, properly cooked food etc.

I believe in hygiene of course, we all like to look and smell good but i think Filipino's take it to a extreme level.

If I dropped my toast onto a reasonably clean kitchen floor -big deal - I will still eat it. When I'm in the pub how clean is the glass I'm drinking out of - who knows I'm drinking anyway.

I'm a believer that you need to be exposed to some germs to build up immune system. In my taxi over the course of a year, I pick up people coughing and wheezing, every manner of bugs no doubt.

Can't remember last time I was ill as I believe my immune system has built up being exposed.

The posts are good don't get me wrong but it would do my head in having to think every action through.


It is not actually telling my fiance what to do and not to do, of course he had a choice in not obeying those but we both know that he is in an evironment where he is not used to and I wouldn't forgive my self if something bad happened to him here in my country. I am the only reason why he went here, he is my responsibility whenever he is here. I am accountable, if something bad happen to him, I might be cursed by his family and friends lol

[stevewool]

Who can remember wiping there butt on a dockleaf? Or am I the only one? If that is too much imformation, what about the News of the World then?

[stevewool]

Yes, interesting post but I feel it's hard work following it all. Life is for living and reading the above just makes just living a normal day a to-do list if you know what I mean. I think we westerners don't worry about germs as much as filipinos - we just get on with it. I think some are obsessed with worry about germs putting the fear all out of proportion. How did we manage to survive as cavemen with no toilet rolls, disinfectant, shampoo, properly cooked food etc.

I believe in hygiene of course, we all like to look and smell good but i think Filipino's take it to a extreme level.

If I dropped my toast onto a reasonably clean kitchen floor - big deal -I will still eat it. When I'm in the pub how clean is the glass I'm drinking out of - who knows I'm drinking anyway.

I'm a believer that you need to be exposed to some germs to build up immune system. In my taxi over the course of a year, I pick up people coughing and wheezing, every manner of bugs no doubt.

Can't remember last time I was ill as I believe my immune system has built up being exposed.

The posts are good don't get me wrong but it would do my head in having to think every action through.

You are right Les, many times when as a kid the things I ate, well, I am still here :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[les_taxi]

who can remember wiping there butt on a dockleaf
:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Michael Parnham]

who can remember wiping there butt on a dockleaf or am i the only one, if that is to much imformation , what about the news of the world then

We used to use the Daily Herald! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Arthur Little]

You're find Neu75 is sending you guys up :biggrin:

:cwm24: ... that's a "Neu" one on me!

[grahamw48]

I will continue to say NOWT. :biggrin:

[dontpushme]

Jentobeharrison:
We live less than an hour from your fiance so it might be that the regionalisms you've pointed out apply to both our situations.

I can't say that I'm OC when it comes to cleaning. I don't mind dust, and I don't freak out when the house is a little untidy. However, I will panic, visibly or not, when I see cross-contamination between wet/raw food and sticky floors. In my family, we've always followed the clean-as-you-go rule (CAYG), and as long as that's followed, I'm pretty easy to get along with.

For the most part, I don't have any complaints about my husband's hygiene. He showers every day, always wears deodorant, and brushes his teeth twice a day. He's learned to wash his hands after handling garbage too. Also, after that one incident in 2009 when he tried to scrub a smudge off my face with his spit and I slapped his hand away, he's never done it again.

I've never had a problem with eating with one's hands. As far as I'm concerned, as long as a person washes his hands before and after the meal, he can eat with his hands or whichever utensil he prefers. Of course, this may stem from the fact that I grew up in the province, and we ate with our hands on the farm or on the beach. My city-bred cousins don't know how to properly eat with their hands and they inevitably get their food on everything. When the technique is right, the food is only ever touched with the fingers of the right hand, and it doesn't get anywhere else. It's actually quite a tidy way to eat if you know how.

When we're not with company, I do the same thing you do when it comes to food that my husband leaves on his plate. As long as it's not ABC (i.e., already been chewed), of course.

My husband's accused me of being a pedant several times through the years, but we usually get along when it comes to the English language. His grammar is impeccable, and I trust his usage and pronunciation of any local terms he teaches me.

It may well take me ten years to adjust to the local culture. Hopefully, with the steps we've taken since I posted my questions here, my husband and I can make the transition easier on everyone.

Thanks for the well wishes! I'm actually in early labour now.:yikes: If I disappear from the forum for a few days, it means I have my hands full. :icon_lol:


Yes, interesting post but I feel it's hard work following it all... The posts are good don't get me wrong but it would do my head in having to think every action through.

I wouldn't deny that it might be daunting to an outsider looking in, but we gradually learn these rules starting from even before we can walk. If you pay attention to what Filipino mothers coo to their babies during bath time or nappy changes or feeding time, you'll notice the mothers inject bits of our hygiene rules in the things they say. It doesn't feel like too much to us because it's all we've ever known, really.

[gWaPito]

If you pay attention to what Filipino mothers coo to their babies during bath time or nappy changes or feeding time, you'll notice the mothers inject bits of our hygiene rules in the things they say. It doesn't feel like too much to us because it's all we've ever known, really.

Nice post Denise :xxgrinning--00xx3:

If I've only picked one positive element, it's my wife's hygiene.

I took it on board :xxgrinning--00xx3: Showering twice a day using Dove.

When we were kids back in the late 60s early 70s, we showered once a week, every Sunday (Before Doctor in the house started) whether we needed it or not. .using same bath water! ! Hahaha It didn't do us any harm. ..I think :Erm:

[stevewool]

When we were kids back in the late 60s early 70s, we showered once a week, every Sunday (Before Doctor in the house started) whether we needed it or not. .using same bath water! ! Hahaha It didn't do us any harm. ..I think :Erm:

Those was the days, but like you say, did it do us any harm then?

[Michael Parnham]

I remember the very first time I ever saw a real shower, it was in 1989 when I went to Hong Kong to meet my ex for the first time. In actual fact that year was also the first time I had ever left the UK and also the first time I had ever been in or seen an aircraft other than seeing them fly overhead! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[fred]

Nice post Denise :xxgrinning--00xx3:

If I've only picked one positive element, it's my wife's hygiene.

I took it on board :xxgrinning--00xx3: Showering twice a day using Dove.

When we were kids back in the late 60s early 70s, we showered once a week, every Sunday (Before Doctor in the house started) whether we needed it or not. .using same bath water! ! Hahaha It didn't do us any harm. ..I think :Erm:

Once a month...If we were lucky!

http://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/resources/images/2669222.jpg?type=articleLandscape

[Michael Parnham]

Once a month...If we were lucky!

http://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/resources/images/2669222.jpg?type=articleLandscape

Is that you Fred? reminds me of the time I had my bath but it was every Friday! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gWaPito]

Life was hard but simple back then, according to my parents..you made do, that was it. No choice, no confusion :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[grahamw48]

You were lucky.

We used to dream about having an indoor bath. :cwm3: