Thanks for our blessings

[Terpe]

This weekend we spent our time preparing the condo for renting.
We'll need to move all the personal stuff not to be included in the rental

We've decided not to sell but to rent instead.
One of the properties we have in Mindanao will be used to house some family members who will lose their current home.
Despite the fact that they've known this would happen for 2 years now there's been no forward planning so now it becomes an emergency.
Well I'm sorry but I can't just let them be without a home. Especially as they're nice people and we live a good life whilst they have pretty much nothing.
Doing nothing is just not something we can live with .
We are supporting their children in school and they doing brilliantly.
It would be cruel not to ihelp.
Means we will lose a tennent and an income when they will move in. But we've promised to let them have some land close to where they live in the future, but that's another plan on the backburner for now.
Education of the children must come first IMO

For us, that's how it must be.

Life in the Philippines is good. But it can be unpredictable.

[stevewool]

I understand everything you are saying Peter and it is down to all of us to plan the future for the just in case.
I am planning into my and Emma's future care for her dad and her brother if we make the Philippines our home .
Like you i know i cannot see any members of Emma's family out on the streets but i can see this happening in the future because they just do not plan for there future.
The house we built over there was built on the old family house, even though we paid for the build and we have the whole 2nd floor as our own , i can see problems in the future as its "the family home".
That is why i am not making our place wonderful and i am prepared to walk away from it too.
On the other hand if we are not there i wonder if the family would look after there own father and brother once the father has to finish work .
Hay ho i may be looking to far into things here

[Longweekend]

Family and life are complicated issues but hats off to you Terpe for helping out your family in need, it can become annoying that quite often our Filipino side of the family do not seem to plan for their own future but sometimes I wonder if it's because we are there for them....:Erm:

[stevewool]

Family and life are complicated issues but hats off to you Terpe for helping out your family in need, it can become annoying that quite often our Filipino side of the family do not seem to plan for their own future but sometimes I wonder if it's because we are there for them....:Erm:

They managed before we came, and maybe it's a little easier now we are here, but it's bloody annoying still

[jonnijon]

You have to keep a firm hand with family because they seem to have no respect in my house. Kids trying to plug in anything electrical, take battery's out of the remote controls, jumping about on the three piece suit, baby's peeing on the funiture. When I complain I get told its' just kids. But not in my house thank you.:cwm23:

[Arthur Little]

One of the properties we have in Mindanao will be used to house some family members who will lose their current home.

Well I'm sorry but I can't just let them be without a home. Especially as they're nice people and we live a good life whilst they have pretty much nothing.
Doing nothing is just not something we can live with .
We are supporting their children in school and they doing brilliantly.

Education of the children must come first IMO

For us, that's how it must be.

Pleased to learn that the children are doing so well at school. :smile:

Thank you, Peter ... for being such a *blessing - BOTH to them AND to members of our forum - *yourself! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Steve.r]

You have to keep a firm hand with family because they seem to have no respect in my house. Kids trying to plug in anything electrical, take battery's out of the remote controls, jumping about on the three piece suit, baby's peeing on the funiture. When I complain I get told its' just kids. But not in my house thank you.:cwm23:
100% with you jonn, my house, my rules

[Michael Parnham]

100% with you jonn, my house, my rules

Same here:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[stevewool]

What's happened to the OUR HOUSE,
Or is it a case of I have brought this and I have brought that so it's ALL MINE,
Yes each to there own

[sally sanchez]

i can totally relate to this. shameful as it is but yes that's how some of our relatives can be, my own family a classic example. when i went back to the phils. early this year after keith passed away, i decided to have the house renovated. the roof is rotting and really needs a good changing, put some windows glass in it (yes we didn't have windows with covers just plain windows), extended part of the house to have a decent kitchen with sink (yes that too! all those years we never had a sink) and a bathroom. i'm just content to provide them with a decent house finally and that's all because of Keith. my father owns the house with my daughter & grandchild. when my sisters found out about it they all sent me messages asking for help which means money. i did give some to my sister who helped me out and my daughter while i was away so that's ok, not much but i knew it will tide her somehow. my other sister tried to borrow some money too. told her i will just give her some, give not a loan, as she helped me too a long time ago. not too happy about it as she needs more and told me that when i needed help before she was too glad to do it. well told her i have & will never forget it and if i have more i would gladly help her but i made her realize that i lost a husband, i did not win the lotto! that did it and she unfriended me on FB! :biggrin: guess you cannot really please everybody lol btw, she's not really hard up as the husband is an OFW and two kids working already

[Steve.r]

What's happened to the OUR HOUSE,
Or is it a case of I have brought this and I have brought that so it's ALL MINE,
Yes each to there own

Steve, I say my house my rules because it is my castle. Having young children, and to people at home 'foreigner children' yes, I want them to have my standards of how to treat and respect the things around them. Good manners, respect for others is learnt by example. Sadly, if I am not there, there are outside influences that I do not approve of, and standards drop, things get lost or broken. Difficult sometimes

[SimonH]

Steve, I say my house my rules because it is my castle. Having young children, and to people at home 'foreigner children' yes, I want them to have my standards of how to treat and respect the things around them. Good manners, respect for others is learnt by example. Sadly, if I am not there, there are outside influences that I do not approve of, and standards drop, things get lost or broken. Difficult sometimes

My sentiments exactly :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Terpe]

Family and life are complicated issues
That's for sure wherever your life is.
Philippines a little more so....


....but hats off to you Terpe for helping out your family in need

Thanks.
We enjoy a good life without constant family disturbances and we still have a couple of rental properties. Nothing fancy, but easy to rent out. The ones in Mindanao are nothing special and we get just P5k per month for each.
So although we will be giving up that income for a while we feel more than happy to give it up.
Once we sort the land out we'll split it out amongst the family and then they can build whatever they want or nothing at all.
The land will be their's do with as they please for as long as they live. The only constraint is that they actually don't own the land so cannot sell it.

[Terpe]

Pleased to learn that the children are doing so well at school. :smile:

Thank you, Peter ... for being such a *blessing - BOTH to them AND to members of our forum - *yourself! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Thanks for your kind words Arthur and thanks also for the rep which is appreciated :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Terpe]

You have to keep a firm hand with family because they seem to have no respect in my house. Kids trying to plug in anything electrical, take battery's out of the remote controls, jumping about on the three piece suit, baby's peeing on the funiture. When I complain I get told its' just kids. But not in my house thank you.:cwm23:

We're providing one of our 'for rental' properties in the rural area for them.
It's not a house we live in or have ever lived in.
We have no personal items at all there.
Rented unfurnished.

[stevewool]

Steve, I say my house my rules because it is my castle. Having young children, and to people at home 'foreigner children' yes, I want them to have my standards of how to treat and respect the things around them. Good manners, respect for others is learnt by example. Sadly, if I am not there, there are outside influences that I do not approve of, and standards drop, things get lost or broken. Difficult sometimes

I understand that Steve and just like you and maybe others too, there are rules to obay , once these are in place then everything is fine,
A very long time ago in my uncle's house no one could smoke at all, then one day he had a friend come over who he has not seen for ages.
Anyway this friend got out his fags and just about to light it, and he said do you mind me smoking Ken, welly uncle said no problem ,that was it everyone who smoked but new the rules lite up there fags and because they was sharing between this friend nothing was said, well till next day when he gave his kids a .......ing

[Steve.r]

No one smokes at ours, unless they go outside the gates. And that's for everyone.

[jonnijon]

What's happened to the OUR HOUSE,
Or is it a case of I have brought this and I have brought that so it's ALL MINE,
Yes each to there own

My wife insist's it is my house built with my money long before we married.

[bigmarco]

I agree totally it would be cruel not to help and I'm sure they're counting their blessings that they have you both. Like you I'm into supporting the children who have potential, we have 3 who we help out and so far, it's money well spent. We've managed to arrange a monthly income for a few families to make their life easier.
My Daughter, sister and even my ex wife now send a monthly payment to some families that we've put them in touch with.
It's difficult to stand by and do nothing.

[Arthur Little]

I agree totally it would be cruel not to help and I'm sure they're counting their blessings that they have you both. Like you I'm into supporting the children who have potential, we have 3 who we help out and so far, it's money well spent. We've managed to arrange a monthly income for a few families to make their life easier.
My Daughter, sister and even my ex wife now send a monthly payment to some families that we've put them in touch with.
It's difficult to stand by and do nothing.

:iagree:, Marco ... and would also take my hat off :coucouchapeau: to you and your family for the extra ':sunshine:' such acts of kindness have brought into the lives of those less fortunate than your goodselves.

[Jenky]

What an interesting thread.

You all think that you are helping and think they all appreciate that help. Keep on believing. Read Sally Sanchez post again. Maybe your wife may write a post like that one day. She lost her husband, maybe had some inheritance, tried to help out in the Phils and look what she got. They do not care that she lost a husband because it was not their husband. If you want to put that attitude down to them being in the poor old Phils with their hard times then fine. Keep believing it if you can afford to keep on paying for it. I love my wife and children but am under no illusions of what her being married to a foreigner means to her family. Dont get me wrong I have sent my fair share of cash for renovations, doctors, school fees etc over the years as has my wife. But I do it only for the good of our relationship. All of us here play the same game and some see the good in people and some see the opportunists. Long may that contiinue!

[Arthur Little]

What an interseting thread.

You all think that you are helping and think they all appreciate that help. Keep on believing. Read Sally Sanchez post again. Maybe your wife may write a post like that one day. She lost her husband, maybe had some inheritance, tried to help out in the Phils and look what she got. They do not care that she lost a husband because it was not their husband. If you want to put that attitude down to them being in the poor old Phils with their hard times then fine. Keep believing it if you can afford to keep on paying for it. I love my wife and children but am under no illusions of what her being married to a foreigner means to her family. Dont get me wrong I have sent my fair share of cash for renovations, doctors, school fees etc over the years as has my wife. But I do it only for the good of our relationship. All of us here play the same game and some see the good in people and some see the opportunists. Long may that contiinue!

Hmm ... :anerikke: ... truth is, many families in the Philippines ARE genuinely living in poverty ... sadly! :bigcry:

[stevewool]

i can totally relate to this. shameful as it is but yes that's how some of our relatives can be, my own family a classic example. when i went back to the phils. early this year after keith passed away, i decided to have the house renovated. the roof is rotting and really needs a good changing, put some windows glass in it (yes we didn't have windows with covers just plain windows), extended part of the house to have a decent kitchen with sink (yes that too! all those years we never had a sink) and a bathroom. i'm just content to provide them with a decent house finally and that's all because of Keith. my father owns the house with my daughter & grandchild. when my sisters found out about it they all sent me messages asking for help which means money. i did give some to my sister who helped me out and my daughter while i was away so that's ok, not much but i knew it will tide her somehow. my other sister tried to borrow some money too. told her i will just give her some, give not a loan, as she helped me too a long time ago. not too happy about it as she needs more and told me that when i needed help before she was too glad to do it. well told her i have & will never forget it and if i have more i would gladly help her but i made her realize that i lost a husband, i did not win the lotto! that did it and she unfriended me on FB! :biggrin: guess you cannot really please everybody lol btw, she's not really hard up as the husband is an OFW and two kids working already

Thanks for sharing Sally, yes we all have certain members of our families who think they are owed something and i dont mean just the family from the Philippines too.
How are you doing and have you managed to plan further down the line for yourself .

[Steve.r]

For me, when the chips are down, my direct family come in very much first, everyone else can do one. SOrry, but I am not in this to be ripped off, and everyone knows it.

[Michael Parnham]

What an interesting thread.

You all think that you are helping and think they all appreciate that help. Keep on believing. Read Sally Sanchez post again. Maybe your wife may write a post like that one day. She lost her husband, maybe had some inheritance, tried to help out in the Phils and look what she got. They do not care that she lost a husband because it was not their husband. If you want to put that attitude down to them being in the poor old Phils with their hard times then fine. Keep believing it if you can afford to keep on paying for it. I love my wife and children but am under no illusions of what her being married to a foreigner means to her family. Dont get me wrong I have sent my fair share of cash for renovations, doctors, school fees etc over the years as has my wife. But I do it only for the good of our relationship. All of us here play the same game and some see the good in people and some see the opportunists. Long may that contiinue!

Good point!

[stevewool]

End of the day if you are happy helping out anyone then do it,
Last time I was over there I use to give the local kids some cash and it made me feel happy, now someone said I should not do that because the kids parents send them out to do that.
So what I said, again it made me happy and that is all what mattered .
We all have our own ways of dealing with it,

[Jenky]

End of the day if you are happy helping out anyone then do it,
Last time I was over there I use to give the local kids some cash and it made me feel happy, now someone said I should not do that because the kids parents send them out to do that.
So what I said, again it made me happy and that is all what mattered .
We all have our own ways of dealing with it,

Quite right. Last time I went there I gave one of her brothers some money to buy an engine for his small banca so that he can continue fishhing. The engine he had was totally shot. It made me feel good as he can carry on feeding his family. But I did not clear it with my wife first and once the other brothers heard about my act of kindness she went ballistic at me for not telling her about it because the other brothers were now on her case asking where is their help!....Trouble is there are often just too many of them and once you help one then you are almost duty bound to help them all. They are like my two young daughters. If one gets a new phone or game etc then the other one asks where is mine? OK that is fair enough coming from kids. At the time I thought my wife would be pleased with my act of kindness but all I did was to put friction between me and my wife and between my wife, her other brothers and their wives!..............I should have known better than to get involved in Filipino family politics. Now I just sit and drink in the sun and let her deal with it all. I just give the kids chocolates and ice cream.

[Terpe]

We all have our own frame of reference when it comes to compassion and how best to help or not.

We do what we do. It's a reasonable subject for discussion but not a subject that warrants critisism on how folks determine their own path.

Here's a real life decision I'll need to decide upon. I've already decided based on the facts I know.

But how would others react:-

Our nephew was supported in his education by me. His results were always brilliant. He maintained a scholarship level, which you may or may not know is very tough to do given the high levels of grade needed.

Just to say I personally neither like or get on well with this guy.

He want to be a doctor. He has taken his entrance exam with a result at 98%

So, he is asking can we support him in his studies by paying for his tuition. He himself will support his family and his allowance via his current employment.

Given that it's not a real hardship to support what would you do ?

[stevewool]

It's double hard if you don't like the bloke, but if you have paid since year one and if will not cause you any hardship well why not,
But deep down you will do what you think is right.

[stevewool]

When I first got involved in the Phil's it was a shock, asking for this and that and not being use to this the answer was nearly always a big fat NO,.
But we all mellow and for the sake of our partner's we try to help.
Our way of dealing with cash help is I am in charge.
They ask Emma to ask me to borrow some amount, we then agree a set time to pay it back and if they and myself are happy then the money is sent, so far it's all been returned on the dates too, that's except one person who will not get anything ever again.
It works for us, but maybe may not work for you

[sally sanchez]

Thanks for sharing Sally, yes we all have certain members of our families who think they are owed something and i dont mean just the family from the Philippines too.
How are you doing and have you managed to plan further down the line for yourself .

Hi Steve! i am doing fine thank you and in the process of getting all my docs sorted for my ILR appln soon. hopefully i can book my appt with PEO next week (fingers crossed). just feeling nervous though :smile: if its a success then that's the time i can really plan on what to do with my life so really i hope it will be granted

[sally sanchez]

Quite right. Last time I went there I gave one of her brothers some money to buy an engine for his small banca so that he can continue fishhing. The engine he had was totally shot. It made me feel good as he can carry on feeding his family. But I did not clear it with my wife first and once the other brothers heard about my act of kindness she went ballistic at me for not telling her about it because the other brothers were now on her case asking where is their help!....Trouble is there are often just too many of them and once you help one then you are almost duty bound to help them all. They are like my two young daughters. If one gets a new phone or game etc then the other one asks where is mine? OK that is fair enough coming from kids. At the time I thought my wife would be pleased with my act of kindness but all I did was to put friction between me and my wife and between my wife, her other brothers and their wives!..............I should have known better than to get involved in Filipino family politics. Now I just sit and drink in the sun and let her deal with it all. I just give the kids chocolates and ice cream.

i remember clearly, as soon as keith posted our wedding pics, friend requests from my kin started pouring in on his FB page. told him who to accept or not with a specific instruction that if they ask him for help or loan to tell me first and i will deal with them. don't want to give them the impression that they can go straight to him if they need help just because he's now a family. i do sympathize with Terpe and really commend him & the wife for helping her family. i would do the same thing too but only for someone who rightly deserve it so

[sally sanchez]

We all have our own frame of reference when it comes to compassion and how best to help or not.

We do what we do. It's a reasonable subject for discussion but not a subject that warrants critisism on how folks determine their own path.

Here's a real life decision I'll need to decide upon. I've already decided based on the facts I know.

But how would others react:-

Our nephew was supported in his education by me. His results were always brilliant. He maintained a scholarship level, which you may or may not know is very tough to do given the high levels of grade needed.

Just to say I personally neither like or get on well with this guy.

He want to be a doctor. He has taken his entrance exam with a result at 98%

So, he is asking can we support him in his studies by paying for his tuition. He himself will support his family and his allowance via his current employment.

Given that it's not a real hardship to support what would you do ?

Hi Terpe! i take my hats off to you & your wife for going out of your way to help him out. not many would do the same thing as they will look after their family's welfare first. taking medicine course doesn't come cheap plus it take so many years to finish and with his job to boot it will not be easy for him. i understand that he has a job now good enough to support his own family so maybe the thought of taking medicine comes into mind because he knows that you can/will support him? both your intentions are good (you & the nephew) but can you both cope in the end?

[Jenky]

We all have our own frame of reference when it comes to compassion and how best to help or not.

We do what we do. It's a reasonable subject for discussion but not a subject that warrants critisism on how folks determine their own path.

Here's a real life decision I'll need to decide upon. I've already decided based on the facts I know.

But how would others react:-

Our nephew was supported in his education by me. His results were always brilliant. He maintained a scholarship level, which you may or may not know is very tough to do given the high levels of grade needed.

Just to say I personally neither like or get on well with this guy.

He want to be a doctor. He has taken his entrance exam with a result at 98%

So, he is asking can we support him in his studies by paying for his tuition. He himself will support his family and his allowance via his current employment.

Given that it's not a real hardship to support what would you do ?

Seeing as you have already started down the road then see it through. I do not wish to criticise folks but we all see plenty of good causes amongst our Fils families and I guess if it no real hardship to you then keep going for it. Problems will only start for you and your own relationship when your money begins to run out. You are just a vehicle for them. Like a hire car you are there to be used and abused. Nephews, Neices, brothers, sisters, cousins. So many worthy causes.
I often wondered to myself what kind of person you need to be to live in the Fil as the husband of a Filipina and I think you need to be a bit of a B #####D because if you are a nice guy they will just chew you up and spit you out. That is why I can never contemplate living there.
From my own personal experience of helping out I would say dont bother helping the men help the girls instead because they are more mature and likely to sincerly appreciate what you do.

[raynaputi]

Keith and I don't send money to my family in the Philippines. They have more money than us..haha :biggrin: My mum even told me to use my credit card to buy things I want and she would pay the bill! :omg: We do send some gifts sometimes during special occasions if we can afford it. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Terpe]

Problems will only start for you and your own relationship when your money begins to run out.


What an odd statement to make. I wonder where that came from and why.
You know nothing about us and nothing about our relationship.



I often wondered to myself what kind of person you need to be to live in the Fil as the husband of a Filipina and I think you need to be a bit of a B #####D because if you are a nice guy they will just chew you up and spit you out. That is why I can never contemplate living there.


Well as for me, I'm the husband of a Filipina. I also live in the Philippines. Never considered myself to a B #####D
Neither has my wife, her family, friends or those that know us. We believe we fit into what could be termed 'normal'

We all have different experiences and very different frames of reference.
Yours is not just different from mine but poles apart.

[Terpe]

My mum even told me to use my credit card to buy things I want and she would pay the bill! :omg:

:icon_lol:

My bro-in-law has organised a supplementary credit card for me on his account.
He trusts me. Thanks bro

:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Jenky]

Keith and I don't send money to my family in the Philippines. They have more money than us..haha :biggrin: My mum even told me to use my credit card to buy things I want and she would pay the bill! :omg: We do send some gifts sometimes during special occasions if we can afford it. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Lucky for you:smile: That is a good situation to be in. But probably very much in the minority amongst the members here. When we visit the Fil I wish I could use my mother in laws credit card:biggrin:
I am sorry Terpe as I do not mean to criticise or pass comment on anybody in particular. We are all in different situations and like you say my statements are experiences taken from my own frame of reference which is poles apart from yours.

I helped one of my wifes brothers sons through college because he was a sensible kid. No smoking drinking gambling womanising. He had a steady girlfriend. Once he graduated he got a job in the middle east. Two year contract. Before he went his girlfriend became pregnant. He came back a year later to see his son and before he went back she was pregnant again. He was good at his job and he got another contract. But then he met a Filipina over there, married her and got her pregnant. As a side note the Filipina is Muslim so he had to converted to Islam to marry her.

So now his ex girlfriend has two of his kids and they are all staying with my wifes brothers family who are struggling to support themselves let alone them as well. But they do it because that is the Filipino way and it is to be very much admired. The guy sends very little if any help back home to them because he now has his own family living with him to support.
I feel so sorry for that girl as her future is now ruined. Who will want her with no prospects and two of somebody elses kids?.........I thought when I was helping him through college I was doing something good and that one day they could be a happy successful family. But when I look back at it what I did was to play my own part in ruining that girls future. If I had not helped him maybe they would still be together.

[fred]

I thought when I was helping him through college I was doing something good and that one day they could be a happy successful family. But when I look back at it what I did was to play my own part in ruining that girls future. If I had not helped him maybe they would still be together.

Are you quite mad???
Your fault??
Give yourself a large slap around the chops man!!!
Thats like saying that whilst filling up your car with petrol,this young fella came up and begged you for a fiver for enough gas for him to get home...
You give the poor little numpty a fiver.
On his way home he got into a fatal pile up and was splattered all over the M1...
What an absolute do gooder slaughtering twot you turned out to be!!!!
Give it a rest...Please!:icon_lol: