i'm confused...

[love_alma]

Hi, I'm alma. I found this site while researching about Fil-Brit relationships and thought it would be helpful if I seek for advice from you as your comments and suggestions are based from your actual experiences.

I have been seeing an english guy online for five months now and we seemed to click during the earlier months of getting to know each other. On the third week of this month, we are to meet in person. But honestly, I feel like I don't want to meet him anymore because of the recent behaviors and remarks that he is showing me and giving me when we chat lately.

I know he is stressed with a lot of pressures in his life and for 5 months, I know that small things stress him and make him mad. I just would like to know if this characteristic is common to english guys. I just don't want it when he seems to flip a lot of times and puts the blame on me when he gets stressed. That's why I have second thoughts of meeting him. I just am not sure of how I feel anymore for him.

I am more than willing to understand him and make compromise, but I just want to make sure if I am doing the right thing if I choose to stick with him. Is that kind of behavior common to english guys? I don't wanna lose the opportunity to love again as I have been hurt so badly before, if I choose to go, what if he is the right one for me? And if I choose to still understand him and take him as he is, won't I appear as too pushy and stupid? I am just so confused! I don't know what I should do. I just want this thing off my chest...

[h0ney_c]

Hi, alma! Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Is he your bf already or are you just friends? Based from your words, I would assume that you are already bf and gf. As you said, your bf is stressed with a lot of pressures in his life right now. I suggest that you give him more understanding... be more patient to him... This is the time that he actually needs you the most so don't leave him. What if he is really the one for you? If you leave him, you'll just let go of the possibility of one great true love. If you understand him and stick with him, you will definitely NOT look like a stupid girl. Love is not only loving someone because he is perfect. Of course we all have flaws. What two people need in a relationship is understanding, support and giving way to each other's emotions and feelings. It doesn't mean that when you have arguments, misunderstandings and tampo, you don't feel for him anymore. Those, I think even enriches your relationship because those are the times when you can see how you and your bf gets through the difficulties of your relationship. The important thing is both you and your bf's ability to patch things up.

When it comes to the issue of you meeting him in person or not, I suggest you still meet him because that is the only time where you can see the actual characteristic of your bf. Sometimes, people behave differently when you see them on cam compared to when you are with them in person. It is always better to try than not. So even if the relationship will not work, you can at least say to your self that you both tried.

I wish you both happiness! Don't feel so down. God bless you!

[aromulus]

If he is taking the trouble to come all the way to the Philippines to see you, I would give some time to listen to him, and then make judgement.
It is natural to have doubts on meeting someone after just online chats, or whatever.

Just see what he is like.... Talk to him, quiz him, check him out. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[eula mackay]

hes coming over to meet you, not to marry you! give the man a chance.

this is your chance to see the "real" him, for all you know you are giving up someone/something really really special so make the decision afterwards.

good luck and i hope it all works for the best for both of you in the end.

[nigel]

I think you should give him a chance!:xxgrinning--00xx3: But I didn't like the sound of him blaming you for stuff..:NoNo: I think we've got a faster pace of life in England, it can be stressful..

[kimmi]

hi Alma,

firstly welcome to the forum..thank u for trusting us and sharing with us ur current situation with ur man..

Like what our friends have said here, I guess it would be better to give ur man a chance for u to meet personally..so at least u can get to know him better, and if he might stay here let's say weeks or so u can have the chance to see how he reacted personally with a certain situation..

Then after the meeting, u can now have a clear view of the situation because we cannot really say that we know the person only by chatting with him online it is still different when we see them in person..

If how are u feeling right now are still the same after uve met him, i mean if u are still having ur doubt then I guess its the time for u to decide which u think is the best for u..but remember, its not good that he will put all the blame on u if there's something going wrong..tell him that whatever he's doing he should be responsible for that and be a man to face the consequences and not to blame other people..

still, the decision is yours..all we can give here is just our humble opinion and suggestion..

Cheer up sis, everything will be alright in GOD's time..:)

[eula mackay]

it is indeed a faster pace of life here in England, and yes it can indeed get stressful.

i always blame my husband if i cant blame anything else or anyone else. thats why i married him :)

[andypaul]

Most British people have far more pressured lifes than many phills. Life flys along at 90 miles an hour, the wife who has been here for 2 years and a few months still finds the uk a little hertic at times.

Best thing to do is try and help him, isn't that what friends do?

Just listening or reading and being there is a great help to most people under stress.

Do you have any ideas whats stressing him it maybe the cost of the trip, work, or a just the weather ( In britain the winter can depress some people due to the lack of sunshine and the cold).

A holiday maybe what he needs and hopefully he wil relax and you both get to know one another better.

[mach]

hello alma & welcome to the forum!

go meet this guy & see for yourself what kind of person he is. i just don't like the part of blaming you for whatever.

[ginapeterb]

Hello Alma welcome to the forum, I think others have given you some very good advice, but I want you to act cautiously with your British contact, I appreciate you have been chatting online for about 5 months, that is fair enough, it gives you some time to get a feel for this man, however, be honest about your relationship from the start.

As many of us have found, 6 weeks can be alright for some people, and in some situations, 2-3 years have elapsed with others, and everyone else is generally in between.

I have known a British guy chat with a girl for 6 weeks, go out to see her, come back thinking he had just spent 2 weeks in Disney, then after 3 months is back again, and they are here on a Fiancee Visa.

Then there has been another I know, who chatted with his girl for 2 years, and still had not been out to Philippines, he was a slow starter obviously, but in the end he did it, another satisfied couple.

My point is this, everyone's situation is different, this is the risk of finding love in cyber world, these days, Internet dating is a risk, the trouble with all of us who went down this road is that, very often we bestow on the other party a set of attributes we expect to see based on chatting with them for 5-6 months or less, our expectations can very often be alot higher than the real person has to give.

Most people who chat in cyber world, tend to be looking for a lifetime partner, surprisingly, and against the grain, the success ratio of British and Filipino's is pretty good considering many of those relationships started via internet and via match making sites such as FH and AE or CB.

However, my advice is to still act cautiously with this man, my reasons for this are very simple, and make sense if you think about it.

Firstly, I have a general rule I stick to and its this "If Something does not seem quite right and is irritating me, its generally not right"

My second general rule is this, and based on my experience, its a rule I stick to like glue.

"Get involved with the wrong person, spend a lifetime trying to get uninvolved"

The fact that you brought your concerns to this forum firstly tells me that you are starting to :ARsurrender: flag your contact's behaviour, and by the way, I don't buy into his stress, everyone in UK suffers with one form of stress or another, UK life makes people suffer with stress, it could be paying the mortgage, finding the income tax to pay, council tax bills, or it could just be the death of a loved one, or other stress that is playing up at a particular time.

However, whatever stresses and strains your contact has at this time in his life, he has no business attempting to put these on your shoulders, he is a man, and he is responsible for his own monkey.

Monkey's are units of stress, if he has lots of monkeys he is carrying around on his shoulder, he should not be putting the monkey's on your shoulder, so
I am not buying his stress reklamo ng reklamo.

By all means if you want to have him come visit you, if he continues to be aggressive and show the same behaviour I would be cautious about him, remember at this stage, you are not an actual couple, only a cyber couple, this is what most people seem to forget, internet couples are not the same as couples who have been seeing each other in person for several months etc.

And even when they do, there is still no guarantee that a relationship will work, my wife just told me today, that a Filipina friend of hers who lives in Negros Occidental, recently married to a Filipino, and they moved to Leyte Province, after 1 year, the marriage has ended in a Legal Separation, and she has moved out of the matrimonial home, they are living apart.

Now thats a Filipino/Filipino courtship and marriage ended up living apart after 1 year.

By the way, they courted for 5 years.

Living together obviously caused friction, and they could not do it, thats my point about this, love is a gamble I am afraid and you gamble all the time.

my final point is Alma, no one can advise you what to do, they can only have sympathy with your situation, you cannot ask us at this forum, where a guy who shows a certain trait of behaviour and then blames it on stress, and then you ask is this " Common to British men "?


How do we know ? we don't know all 20 Million of them ?

The choices you make are your own ! no matter how much advice you are given, its your choice, and we wish you the best with it, good or bad, you will find out in due course, I hope its good.

Best of Luck.

[Tiggers0608]

Hi, I'm alma. I found this site while researching about Fil-Brit relationships and thought it would be helpful if I seek for advice from you as your comments and suggestions are based from your actual experiences.

I have been seeing an english guy online for five months now and we seemed to click during the earlier months of getting to know each other. On the third week of this month, we are to meet in person. But honestly, I feel like I don't want to meet him anymore because of the recent behaviors and remarks that he is showing me and giving me when we chat lately.

I know he is stressed with a lot of pressures in his life and for 5 months, I know that small things stress him and make him mad. I just would like to know if this characteristic is common to english guys. I just don't want it when he seems to flip a lot of times and puts the blame on me when he gets stressed. That's why I have second thoughts of meeting him. I just am not sure of how I feel anymore for him.

I am more than willing to understand him and make compromise, but I just want to make sure if I am doing the right thing if I choose to stick with him. Is that kind of behavior common to english guys? I don't wanna lose the opportunity to love again as I have been hurt so badly before, if I choose to go, what if he is the right one for me? And if I choose to still understand him and take him as he is, won't I appear as too pushy and stupid? I am just so confused! I don't know what I should do. I just want this thing off my chest...

hi alma, welcome to the forum,

i guess just listen to your heart ... if you dont want to meet this person then don't, BUT asked yourself why you dont want to meet him in person and then asked yourself why you want to meet him in person, maybe you can take than notes and compare them.

you will see if whats you really desire whether meeting him or not, but if you dont really want to meet him , tell him beofre he booked his flight and already here in the phils :doh

but there's a song " If i let you go, i would never know, what my life would be holding you close to me", well in short if you let go of your man, you will not know if he is the right one for you, maybe his like that bcoz he hasnt meet the real you yet.

Good luck and wish you the best.

[love_alma]

Thank you so much for your replies and for being supportive of me. You have helped me understand my bf better. I do appreciate all your suggestions and comments. I really hope everything will work out for me and my bf.

[rosstrtco]

Hi, I'm alma. I found this site while researching about Fil-Brit relationships and thought it would be helpful if I seek for advice from you as your comments and suggestions are based from your actual experiences.

I have been seeing an english guy online for five months now and we seemed to click during the earlier months of getting to know each other. On the third week of this month, we are to meet in person. But honestly, I feel like I don't want to meet him anymore because of the recent behaviors and remarks that he is showing me and giving me when we chat lately.

I know he is stressed with a lot of pressures in his life and for 5 months, I know that small things stress him and make him mad. I just would like to know if this characteristic is common to english guys. I just don't want it when he seems to flip a lot of times and puts the blame on me when he gets stressed. That's why I have second thoughts of meeting him. I just am not sure of how I feel anymore for him.

I am more than willing to understand him and make compromise, but I just want to make sure if I am doing the right thing if I choose to stick with him. Is that kind of behavior common to english guys? I don't wanna lose the opportunity to love again as I have been hurt so badly before, if I choose to go, what if he is the right one for me? And if I choose to still understand him and take him as he is, won't I appear as too pushy and stupid? I am just so confused! I don't know what I should do. I just want this thing off my chest...
hi. i hope this helps, i work for myself and stress is my biggest problem, i try not to take it out on anyone else most of all my gf, all i can ask of her is to understand and forgive my moods, but if i was to take all my problems out on my gf well then i dont deserve her, i think she understands and can see that my work is for our future, ask your bf why he is stressed if you think its a good reason then try to understand him, i,am afraid sometimes the ones closest to you are the ones who end up getting hurt the most, good luck let come to the philippine and help him unwind:D

[Mrs.JMajor]

hi alma

i didnt read all what other members advice from you,(maybe later i will look some advice of them) but thing is you are the one who can decide of it really,,
so as i start (well im 40 and should i say well experienced as far as getting to know each other online people and wow u made it till 5 months hehehe your so patience)

ok as i begin,lets put this way im the one on your situation..if he show me that kind of attitude,he cant have me iether 2 months of chatting (u made it)
2nd i will try to tell him dont go and dont waste your money cause i have second thought of your behaviour,3rd if he visit you he can pretend in 2 weeks like a good gentleman ,what if youre together for the rest of time ( as u see just chat online he lost temper and i wonder if he is mad and just log off w/ o saying bye)4th and last coz u might get bored if i write too long actually i still have lots to say hehehe he is not the only brittish man alma,gosh u can find a lottttttttt,dont put yourself in a situation that just chatting online u already had a doubt..think about it !!!

let me know how is your reaction about my words !

by the way i have my hubby,i cant ask for anything of how great man he is...can u imagine he always lack of sleep everyday coz he always wait for me to wake up,so we can chat

gosh i wanted to shout on the whole world how lucky i am,some one who treated me like a princess

good luck to you alma

juliet