Worlds worst joke.

[fred]

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he

couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
:NoNo:

[fred]

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.

A strong currant pulled him in.

[fred]

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

[fred]

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he

said 'You've been promoted.'

And I swerved.

And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted
again.'

And I swerved again.

He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'

And I went into a tree.

And a policeman came up and said

'What happened to you?'

And I said 'I careered off the road.

[fred]

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5

people in my family, so it must be one of them.

It's either my mum or my dad.

Or my older brother Colin.

Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.

But I think it's Colin.

[LadyJ]

55 more to go.. lol

[fred]

So I went to the dentist.

He said "Say Aaah."

I said "Why?"

He said "My dog's died.'"

[fred]

"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."

"Well you can't say fairer than that then"

[fred]

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

[fred]

The worlds worst meal..

http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/9525/chengdu64ratthumbsa3.jpg

[Mrs.JMajor]

The worlds worst meal..

http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/9525/chengdu64ratthumbsa3.jpg

shocks that was so awful :Blacklistthatsucks: .:vomit-smiley-011:

[fred]

Im sure its fine...tastes like chicken!!

[tomm]

Im sure its fine...tastes like chicken!!

Yes... it's fowl :NoNo: :D

[Shifty-Sidney]

If you get a peanut stuck in your ear.......
pour chocolate in! they come out a treat!!!!!:action-smiley-081:

[fred]

Well I be ****ed!! Its barnsley-mark (http://filipinaroses.com/member.php?u=1429)!!!!
Nice to see you back mate..

[baboyako]

its barnsley-mark:yikes: :Hellooo:

[Alan]

If you get a peanut stuck in your ear.......
pour chocolate in! they come out a treat!!!!!:action-smiley-081:

Mark!!!! Me old mate - wher've ya been?

Al.:)

[Alan]

He's gone again! :Erm:

Al.:)

[Alan]

'Is that a hand sticking out of the ocean?'

'No, it's just a wave!'

Al.:)

[aromulus]

If you get a peanut stuck in your ear.......
pour chocolate in! they come out a treat!!!!!:action-smiley-081:

About time you got back, naughty boy.:cwm23:

To your room without tea, now........:rolleyes:

How is it going ,Mate???
Glad to see you still around.:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[aromulus]

'Is that a hand sticking out of the ocean?'

'No, it's just a wave!'

Al.:)

Which classroom did hear this one in, Al....???:D

[Alan]

Which classroom did hear this one in, Al....???:D

No classroom mate - just want to be in with a chance of being the winner of this thread:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Al.:)

[Alan]

..................although, surely nobody can touch Fred!!!!:D:cwm3::cwm12:

Al.:)

[fred]

..................although, surely nobody can touch Fred!!!!:D:cwm3::cwm12:

Al.:)

Al..
Technically speaking,given the thread title...I concede...You win hands down.
:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Talking about technical things..Did you get my Skype message??

[Alan]

Al..
Technically speaking,given the thread title...I concede...You win hands down.
:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Talking about technical things..Did you get my Skype message??

Hands down :doh

Yes mate - I have just got home and received your message. Will contact very soon. Hi to everyone at home.

Al.:)

[fred]

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St.Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the man offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off, or I'll kick the **** out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed.

'When did this happen?'

'Couple of minutes ago.'

[fred]

http://i26.tinypic.com/2i6nwxy.jpg

[fred]

http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc274/aphroditec/ce3f1499.jpg

[fred]

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c74/perry_tmc/funny.jpg

[fred]

http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff73/sk8erchickity1579/lol.jpg

[fred]

http://i30.tinypic.com/34intlc.jpg

[fred]

You'll like this one...But it takes time to load.



1. GO TO THE FOLLOWING SITE: http://www.tatuagemdaboa.com.br/

Wait for the lady to appear (be patient), then...

2. Write your Christian Name in the First Box.

3. WRITE your Surname in the Second Box

4. Now Press the VISUALIZAR BAR.

Clever.

[fred]

FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP -

1. Its IMPORTANT to have a woman who helps at home, cooks & cleans.

2. Its IMPORTANT to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. Its IMPORTANT to have a woman you can trust & who would never lie.

4. Its IMPORTANT to have a woman who is good in bed & likes sex alot.

5. Its ABSOLUTELY ******* VITAL that these four women don't know each other.

[fred]

http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n71/confused_girl_/syadine%20and%20happyness/cyadine%20and%20happiness%20type%20drawings/funny.png

[fred]

http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii314/SrCanis/Age%20of%20Conan/Funny%20Cartoons/Funny.jpg

[fred]

Travelling salesman knocks on the door and a 10 year old boy answers dressed in stockings,suspenders, a bra, wearing loads of make up with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other.

"Is your mum in?" asks the salesman

"Does it friggin look like it?" replies the boy

[fred]

http://i31.tinypic.com/23t3uxi.jpg

[fred]

Dopey stands up in church and asks, "Father, are there any midget nuns in
the city?"

"No, my son, there are no midget nuns in the city or in the church." says
the priest. Again the dwarfs resume their annoying giggling to the dismay
of the priest.

Once again, Dopey stands up and asks "Father, are there any midget nuns in
the state?"

"No, my son, there are no midget nuns in the state, in the city, and no
midget nuns in the church." exclaimed the priest, obviously upset.

The dwarfs continue their interference.

Dopey stands up and asks, "Father, are there any midget nuns in thecountry?"

The priest, totally angered, exclaims "No, my son, there are no midget nuns
in the church, in the city, in the state, no midget nuns in the country,
there are no midget nuns in the whole world!!! Now sit down!!!!!"

Soon afterwards, a chant can be heard from the rear of the church, "Dopey
****ed a penguin. Dopey ****ed a penguin. Dopey ****ed a penguin."

[fred]

http://i26.tinypic.com/2chsx2u.jpg

[fred]

http://i31.tinypic.com/116nym8.jpg

[fred]

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three
wishes.'

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes - Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!'

The woman said, 'That's okay.'

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, 'You do realise that this wish will also make your husband
the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to'.

The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and
he will have eyes only for me.'

So, ~KAZAM~ - she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.'

The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is
mine.'

So, ~KAZAM~ - she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild
heart attack.'

[fred]

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really
smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

[fred]

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that
women never listen. Now run along and put the kettle on, there’s a love.

[fred]

:xxparty-smiley-004::peepwall::ARsurrender:

[Alan]

You'll like this one...But it takes time to load.



1. GO TO THE FOLLOWING SITE: http://www.tatuagemdaboa.com.br/

Wait for the lady to appear (be patient), then...

2. Write your Christian Name in the First Box.

3. WRITE your Surname in the Second Box

4. Now Press the VISUALIZAR BAR.

Clever.


This one is brilliant mate!

Al.:)

[fred]

I thought the same Al.
Glad you liked it.

[fred]

http://static.pyzam.com/img/funnypics/misc/family-planning-advice.jpg

[fred]

http://static.pyzam.com/img/funnypics/7/pyzamcaution.jpg

[fred]

http://static.pyzam.com/img/funnypics/8/pyzamdeath.jpg

[fred]

A very British parrot.. Good for a belly laugh this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xSn6vL2rLs

[Sim11UK]

A very British parrot.. Good for a belly laugh this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xSn6vL2rLs

My brother put me on to this one a while ago, I've since told many people to check it out....Hilarious! :icon_lol: :omg:

What you might call... pets with tourettes! :BouncyHappy:

[tomm]

A very British parrot.. Good for a belly laugh this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xSn6vL2rLs

:xxgrinning--00xx3: :icon_lol:

[fred]

Mick and Paddy were walking home from the pub.
Mick says to Paddy, 'I cant be bothered to walk all that way.'
'I know,' says Paddy, 'but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.'
'We could steal a bus from the depot,' Mick suggests. They arrive at the bus depot and Mick tells Paddy to go in and get a bus while he keeps a look-out.
After shuffling around for ages, Mick shouts, 'Paddy, what are you doing? Have you not found one yet?'
Paddy shouts back, 'I cant find a No. 91'
'Oh Jeysus Christ, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout

[monkeyface]

Why I was fired....

For the last company picnic, management decided that, due to liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one (1) drink per person.

I was fired for ordering the cups.

http://i272.photobucket.com/albums/jj184/keti_kooks04/whyiwasfired.jpg

[fred]

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.

The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!

"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: "Here. Rub it."

So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.

"I will grant you one wish. Just one wish .. each person is only allowed one!"

The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!"

A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!

The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."

"Tell me about it!!" says the man, "do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

[fred]

Pubs of Scotland, England & Ireland "Y'know" said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home.

In St Andrews there's a wonderful little bar called McTavish's. The landlord there goes out of his way for the locals, so much that when you buy 4 drinks he'll buy the 5th drink for you."

"Well", said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2."

"Ahhhhh, that's nothing laddies", said the Irishman. "Back home in me own Killarney, there's Ryan's Bar. Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs & see that you get laid. All on the house."

The Englishman & Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman's claims. But he swears every word is true.

"Well," said the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"

"Not to me meself, personally, no," said the Irishman... "but it did happen to me sister."

[LadyJ]

http://dl.glitter-graphics.net/pub/20/20321fycuodflse.gif

[LadyJ]

http://dl6.glitter-graphics.net/pub/61/61606x1tev0uiw9.gif (http://www.glitter-graphics.com)

[kimmi]

I cant help myself to laugh..ha ha ha he he he